Videos from Wrestlefest NYC are coming out, which is exciting to see. I’m particularly excited to get another look at the Wrestlefest Live matches, because, as I’ve mentioned, I was a bit distracted trying to take my responsibilities as ring announcer seriously. I don’t want to sound like I’m bitching about it. I was honored as hell to be invited to be the ring announcer. But, damn, there’s a lot more to being ring announcer than I realized! So, my attention was divided as the string of super hot wrestling matches played out between me climbing in and out of the ring announcing each match.

You can find on Watchfighters the third match on the card, a tag team match between the Gothletes (Rocko Mortis and Dash Halley) and Team Vendetta (Sir Dark and Rick Roma). The crowd was pretty pumped and primed by the time this match was cued up. The energy was high well before I introduced the Gothletes, who charged into the room looking like the walking dead version of some hot, hunky college baseball team. Rocko and Dash were all in, instantly arguing with the crowd and brandishing a wooden baseball bat like Chekhov’s gun that you know is going to feature before this tag team drama is over. The sneers and snarls, the hauntingly dark eye shadow, the warmed-over deathly pallor, all signaled that the Gothletes were up to no good, which, let’s face it, doesn’t necessarily preclude them from being fan favorites even when I’m referring to them as “heeling hellions” for their ring entrance.

But there was no doubt about who were the fan favorites once I introduced Team Vendetta. Hailing from Italy (Sir Dark) and Little Italy (Rick) and squeezed into matching Italian flag trunks, Team Vendetta won over fans within seconds with their extensive tour handing out high fives (Rick) and full-mouth kisses (Sir Dark). Even I was treated to a surprise kiss on my way out of the ring that somehow, improbably but true, made me momentarily forget about Dash Halley’s luscious pecs on the other side of the ring. Vendetta brought the smiles and the respect and the super high energy of confident, enthusiastic babyfaces eager to defeat the dark forces facing them and to make the fans proud.

Sir Dark and Rocko squared off to start the match, in this super intense face off of chaos demon versus chaos demon. When I first saw this match promoted months earlier, I literally contacted Sir Dark to ask if it had been a typo. Maybe it should have been Sir Dark and Rocko teaming together? The two of them have this sensationally unhinged energy about them that makes me think of them like bookends. Then again, if they had teamed up, there would’ve been a non-zero probability that the combined havoc they could wreak might tear open a hellmouth that would swallow the Red Eye whole. So, maybe it was a wise call after all. As it played out, fuck, the way the two of them absolutely go to town on each other accelerated this match from 0 to 60 in seconds. They’re both dangerous, and unpredictability is both of their brands. So Rocko’s rapid fire hip toss and attempted stomp to the balls within seconds was just as on brand as Sir Dark’s savage punch to Rocko’s face and the barefoot choke of Rocko’s throat. Rocko headbutts Sir Dark in the balls and bites him in the neck. In turn, Sir Dark delights in treating Rocko to several of his signature moves, including repeatedly spitting in his face, which Rocko relishes opened mouthed and demanding more.

Rick and Dash tell a more calculated story when they’re in the ring. When the two of them are going at each other, there’s a furious back and forth of hot wrestling holds and near pins. Dash locks on a super sweet stepover toehold facelock that threatens to rip Rick’s head off his neck. In turn, Rick’s lariat on Dash nearly decapitates captain pecs, and the crowd keeps boiling over into an impassioned chant of “Roma! Roma! Roma!” Dash takes such a flurry of offense that at one point he slides out of the ring and looks like he’s about to walk off the scene entirely. Sir Dark taunts him from the corner and demands that Dash get his fine ass back in the ring so they can settle this. Dash delivers a super sexy, lip curling sneer as he climbs back onto the ring apron, jabbing a threatening finger toward Sir Dark and explaining, “Only because I’ll get a piece of you later!”

The fifth character in this drama I have neglected to name thus far is, possibly, the linchpin to the entire drama. Rex Cruise is the devastatingly handsome ref, and the pretty boy packed into deliciously tight shorts never stood a chance of controlling anything in this match. Of course, Rex doesn’t’t exactly make it any easier for himself, repeatedly slow to start count-outs alternating with inexplicable count-outs of non-pin submission holds. The crowd starts dumping on the ref about a third of the way into the match, and there’s a strong vibe of two matches happening simultaneously: Gothletes vs Vendetta and Rex Cruise vs the Crowd. One roaring chant of “Ref can’t count” earns the audience a two handed flip off from the ridiculously pretty boy in stripes.

Like I said, Rex had no chance to actually officiate this tornado touching down in the ring. It’s a melee in the end, with all four wrestlers and Rex suddenly packing the ring with fury and bruised egos. That fucking baseball bat is suddenly tossed into the chaos, and one stunned wrestler in particular gets the living shit beat out of him with it. The losers are the ones who just can’t feed their demons fast enough to keep up at the end, getting them snapped up in mirror sleepers and knocked out cold and vulnerable as the rapt crowd goes wild.

Watching this match (again), I’m in awe that this thing didn’t go off the rails a dozen different times. It’s super-fucking-sexy, with crotch-to-face poundings and luxurious body splashes that linger long and hard. But it’s also spinning like a centrifuge, with wrestlers and props and dignity flying out of the ring uncontrollably. I’ll never get tired of cuing up rival chaos demons daring one another to color farther and farther outside the lines. And I cannot get enough of babyface heroes crotch slamming their foes senseless and mugging for the roaring fans. And who do I have to sleep with to see someone suck Dash Halley’s nipples when he makes his third appearance on the card at Wrestlefest NYC ’27 (fingers crossed)?