Best of 2016

I had every intention of posting some more niche categories for you to chime in on as we look back on the best of homoerotic wrestling for 2016. But alas, time and tide await for no man. The clock has nearly run out on 2016, and probably not a second too soon. So instead of polling the readers, I’m just going to put forth a few of my own personal picks for the best in homoerotic wrestling in a few more categories almost certain not to show up in any official year end fan polls.

 

Best Back

Fuck, I love a big, broad, thickly muscled back. I suppose a lot of guys probably don’t think of the back as a particularly lust worthy. I, on the other hand, think a hot, sexy back is immense value added. It seems far too often neglected by the gym bunny crowd, making a truly gorgeous, crafted classic V and wide wing span that much more notable. Again, for my tastes, there are mechanics involved, like proportion, shape, and thickness, but that last, little, hard-to-articulate aesthetic comes down to whether a back makes me ache to slap down a massive load across the expanse of it. So, as with everything, it’s about what it inspires in me as much as any particular objective, measurable quality that we could all agree on.  My top three favorite backs in 2016, in reverse order, are as follows:

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Lon Dumont

2nd runner up is Lon Dumont. So much has been said about Lon’s phenomenal abs, and deservedly so. But damn, that back is a work of art! I would love to see 2017 be the year that opponents climb into the ring with Lon and acknowledge what a hot, rocking body this magnificent muscleman possesses, and fuck, that back should be on the list of things for an opponent with taste to admire.

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Van Skyler

1st runner up for me is BG East’s muscleboy Van Skyler. He’s a dizzyingly sexy fantasyman from the front, sure, but fuck, that gorgeous back could be more perfect only with a stream of cum painted across it.

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Scrappy

I don’t have access to better pics, but trust me, Thunder’s Arena’s Scrappy has a magnificent back. His perfect V points like an arrow that supremely fuckable ass. He’s phenomenal to watch wrestle. The attitude, the power, the beauty from every angle. But my heart rate spikes every time I see his best side. Scrappy has his admirers, clearly, but I have think that he’s one of the most underrated athletes in the homoerotic wrestling industry. He’s a handsome fucker with some sweet mat skills, but I’m waiting for him to just turn around, extend that lat spread and flex those glutes, and bring the right opponent to his knees.

 

Best Tag Team.

There were precious few tag team matches in homoerotic wrestling in 2016. A producer once told me that tag team matches are few and far between because it’s just too much of a pain in the ass coordinating 4 different schedules (plus the production crew). So they’re a rare treat that I, personally, enjoy immensely. So here are my top 3 favorite tag teams in 2016, picked out of some inexact formula of ring skills, beauty, teamwork and chemistry, with just a little of that extra added allure of making we want to join them in a 3 way (and I’m not strictly talking wrestling now).

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Zack Johnathan (aka Z-Man) and Austin Cooper

2nd runner ups for me were the fascinating pairing of two sensational, iconic figures in homoerotic wrestling, Z-Man and Austin Cooper, teaming up for Rock Hard Wrestling in All-Star Brawl. I’m not convinced that they have a ton of chemistry when working together, but two hot, sexy stars this big and this popular make a sensationally sexy pairing.

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Raving Savages Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood

1st runner ups, and thus first in line for me to climb into a petite, muscle packed, loin clothed sandwich with, are Wrestle4Hire’s Ravaging Savages, namely Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood. These bearded badasses were a thrilling surprise for me in their magnificent take down of behemoth muscle giant Mark Muscle. Despite pulling off some fabulously coordinated double teaming, I think they are just a little unequally yoked, as evidenced by Matt having to turn alpha and order Zach around a bit to finally finish off their superhuman opponent. But holy fuck, these micro beasts were a sensational turn on for me in 2016.

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Team All-Americans – Rookie Charlie Evans and veteran Christian Taylor

In what has to be the hottest, most entertaining tag team match in homoerotic wrestling this year (this decade?), ginger newbie Charlie Evans joined forces with fantasy veteran Christian Taylor to bring down the house in Tag Team Torture 19. Their opponents, newbie Chase Addams and Trophy Boy Ty Alexander, could have totally taken this award, if their out of control vanities hadn’t set them on a path to self-destruction from the start. What Team Vanity lacked in teamwork and coordination, Team All-Americans excelled at. This was such a fabulous narrative of earnest babyfaces versus narcissistic heels, with the juicy melodrama of the upstanding All-Americans suffering heaping loads of underhanded brutality, and yet enduring, having each others backs, and through raw skill, will, and teamwork staying in the fray long enough for their egomaniacal opponents to make one too many mistakes. I would pay a premium for those dick selfies they snapped with Team Vanity’s phones. And absolutely, if there’s a tag team I’d most want to join for a rip and strip, baby oiled menage a trois, in 2016, it’s Team Vanity.

 

Best Gear

I’ve had some extensive conversations with Ty Alexander about the dangerous waters of expressing strong opinions about gear. I’m no Joan Rivers, and I hardly claim any particular expertise in fashion. But I definitely know when a particular gear choice does NOT do it for me. And, occasionally, I think to myself, that hunk was made to wear that! As with everything, there are mechanical factors that go into my estimation of gear, like fit, color, and complexion. But in this case, that hard to describe, major component of what I like has to do with me deciding, at least momentarily, that a wrestler actually may be even sexier in this particular gear than out of it (trust me, that’s a rare conclusion for me). Well, at least I think to myself that I’d like to see him in it before ripping it off of him. In any case, what I think may be the most sensational gear choices of 2016 are as follows.

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Ty Alexander

2nd runner up is Trophy Boy Ty Alexander. To say that a pair of trunks look like they were made to be worn by a wrestler is, quite literally, the truth when it comes to fashion-obsessed Ty. He has an immense collection of custom made wrestling outfits that he showed off in 2016. Possibly my favorite were the opal trunks he wore in his grudge match against fleeting tag team partner Chase Addams in Tag Team Torture 19. Lush fit, beautiful contrast with Ty’s all-over tan, and generously providing reading material for when he plants that ass on Chase’s face. They tell a story all on their own, which, considering Ty’s panache for storytelling in the ring, adds compelling nuance and subtext to a match.

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Jobe Zander

I let my attention wander away from Jobe Zander for a while, but suddenly, in 2016, I took another look and discovered a whole new man. I’m assuming there was some nefarious transaction with Satan involved, or perhaps a genie in a bottle, to transform Jobe into the ripped sex god he suddenly is today. However it happened, I was blown away by the super-low-rise, sky blue banana hammock he wore this summer in Can-Am’s Decrotchery 14. His hot, rock hard glutes look insanely sensational, and Jobe’s masterpiece is framed like the work of art it is. The seaming, the gorgeously tight outline of his monster cock… everything about these trunks scream Jobe. A fashion critique would likely note that the pouch pulls away from his inner thigh just a fraction as a result of a fraction too little fabric to manage to cover his famously gargantuan python. But who the fuck are we kidding. That tiny gap, the shadowed space stretched too tight at the side of his crotch, is exactly what makes this gear perfection.

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My choice for Best Gear in 2016 is Rafael Valmor from BG East’s Fan Fantasy 4. Honestly, Rafael had an unfair advantage, considering Kieran Dunne made him try out about half a dozen pairs of trunks before acknowledging the obvious truth that these baby blue square cut swim trunks achieved absolute perfection. The combination of that baby blue against his bronzed, Brazilian body is so fucking lovely! But it’s the cut that boggles my mind. I swear it looks like these trunks were sewn together right on his body. From the back, they dip exactly to the top of his ass crack, squeezing each gorgeous ass cheek like loving friend. From the front, they suck to his muscled, upper thighs, and then leave exactly enough acreage to let his mouthwatering bulge stick out just right. I know, I know, I keep using the word “perfection” too often in this category, but I can think of no other description for Rafael’s gear here. Kieran agrees with me here. Mouthwatering, aesthetic, masterful engineering, absolute perfection.

 

Best Wrestling Character

I think of this last category like picking Miss Congeniality, only most of the time, the most compelling, sexiest wrestling personalities in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly uncongenial. As a fan, I talk about this aspect of wrestling often, the sell, not just of any particular move or hold, but of the wrestling story as a whole. There are plenty of homoerotic wrestling matches that seem to pop up out of nowhere, with the combatants’ motivation for stripping down to their barest essentials and beating the living fuck out of each other remaining mostly a mystery. But there are some sensationally entertaining hunks on the scene who absolutely emote. They set the table for us, sometimes with dialogue and explicit backstory, but often with just a smirk and a sneer. I love wrestlers who can convince me that they aren’t just waiting to clock out, but that they’re motivated and passionate about working up a sweat and settling some score. This is less about being a heel or a babyface or a jobber, but about conveying the virtual world in which hot hunks in the briefest of trunks defy gravity, obliterate the conventions of common decency, and pit nothing but their bodies and cunning against one another for a reason. That’s fucking sexy as hell for me. So here are my top 3 wrestling personalities who did all of that the best in 2016.

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Aryx Quinn

I’ve missed seeing more of Aryx Quinn in homoerotic wrestling lately, but even showing up relatively rarely, he tears apart the competition in body and soul. As my 2nd runner up for best wrestling character, Aryx could easily drive fans wild with just that rocking body and those incredibly devastating wresting skills. And yet, every time he shows up, he brings that sexy as fuck, sneering, domineering, trash talking attitude that typically conveys a crystal clear motivation to rip an opponent apart in order to fuck them senseless in victory. I’d argue there’s no other wrestler in competition today who inhabits quite the wrestling character that he does with such supreme success.

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Kid Karisma

My 2nd runner up for Best Wrestling Character is Kid Karisma. Kid K consistently conveys a transparent motivation for throwing down, built on several interlocking factors. He loves the way he looks, glistening with sweat and showing off his magnificent muscles, having beaten an opponent to submission and flexing over top of him. He clearly loves the way it feels, possessing another man, bending and breaking him, milking whimpers and screams out of him. Kid K sells a particularly sweet vintage of sadism without a hint of maleficence about it that’s incredibly novel and compelling. And, at least 2 times out of 3, he wrestles because it turns him on. So often, after ripping a lucky bastard apart piece by piece, you’ll catch Kid Karisma climbing on top, saddling up, and smacking down a lusty, passionate kiss. Both in his wrestling work and in conversation, he consistently comes across as a hearty partier, a prankster and a smart ass, who wrestles for the sheer pleasure of it.

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Matt Thrasher

Best Wrestling Character in 2016 for my tastes was Matt Thrasher. Again, like Aryx and Kid Karisma, Matt inhabits a relatively unique persona in the business, I think. Particularly in his work for Muscle Domination Wrestling, Matt is the Daddy’s Home franchise. He’s gorgeous, of course, but he absolutely owns the salt ‘n’ pepper daddy beat in today’s industry. Youngsters of all shapes and sizes keep throwing themselves in his way, calling him old, calling him grandpa. And with patience born of experience, Matt chuckles, and then turns the ageist bullshit on its head by beating the living fuck out of every ankle biter he meets. He’s bulging and hairy and sweats like a Margarita in August, but its the way he carries that off in his seasoned, savory picking apart of young bucks that makes him such a phenomenal character. He’s never impulsive. He’s deliberate and decisive. And he persistently possesses the sexy, compelling character motivation of crushing the dreams of youth as he turns cocky kids into his sniveling bitches.

So those are my picks for some of the aspects of homoerotic wrestling that I, personally, key off of, but which don’t tend to find their way into end of year fan polls. Feel free to praise any wrestlers who you’d have picked for these (or any other) category in the comments below.  And happy new year, people. Here’s to a hope and prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we all survive 2017 with a few civil liberties left.

And the Nominees Are…

Time’s a wasting, so if anyone is going to still benefit from seeing side by side (or top to bottom) comparisons of the nominees for BG East Bestie awards before polls close at midnight tomorrow night, I’d better get on it.

The Best Body category is an enigmatic one for me. Taking in the whole of a wrestler’s physique speaks to different tastes and attention. How the academy narrowed the field down to these six specimens, I can’t imagine, but it’s a very, very hot field to choose from.

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Kid Karisma (my pic)
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Van Skyler
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Z-Man (2013 Best Body Winner)
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Lon Dumont
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Chace LaChance
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Logan Vaughn (those legs!!!)

Competition for Best Bulge is probably equally as subjective, but when we zoom in on the crotch, I have to think that size matters. In this case, these are the boys with the heft and volume to get nominations from the academy.

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Pete Sharp (defending Best Bulge 2014 winner)
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Kayden Keller
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Jobe Zander
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Jonny Firestorm
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Gold Shaft

Nominees for Top Heel somehow seems like one of the clearest categories in the poll. The pro wrestling heel is an iconic role, and at BG East, it’s inhabited by some of the hottest, most merciless and vicious bad asses on the planet. Defending Top Heel of 2014, Kid Karisma, didn’t even make the cut this year, but this year’s field is incredibly competitive.

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Joe Mazetti (my pick)
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Guido Genatto
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Flash LaCash (Drake’s pick)
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Lane Hartley
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Jonny Firestorm
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Kayden Keller

So who do you like, and who do you think got snubbed by the academy this year? Remember to vote by midnight tomorrow night, Friday, January 22.

Evolution

It took me a while to catch up, but I finally migrated my Can-Am Max membership to their new portal. I have to admit to feeling a little miffed at the way they went about the new launch. Forcing me to resubscribe while leaving my existing account attached to archives never to be updated seemed unnecessarily convoluted and a pain in the ass. But I finally got around to it, and I have to admit, the new Max is significantly superior in function and form. The first thing that caught my eye was the media attached to the new release of DeCrotchery 11.

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Jobe Zander takes on muscle rookie Cody Cummings

I wish there were a more user friendly search option on the Video page, but once you find a particular product you’re interested in, all of the available media, is available and attractively displayed. No more hunting and pecking back and forth between photos and video clips, doing shot in the dark searches for models or keywords in titles. The video access is much more integrated, and the photos are incredibly high quality and high definition. Ironically, the membership portal is significantly superior to the storefront public access, where searching for a particular wrestler or product remains a maze. But landing on the DeCrotchery 11 page, there’s exactly one stunning fact that bowls me over: Jobe Zander is fucking ripped!!!

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Jobe Zander is RIPPED!!!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jobe as taut and toned, and fuck it all if it doesn’t look sensational on him. Now, it’s the same Jobe, mind you.  If you find his wrestling banter annoying, and I know some of you do, you will continue to find it annoying. But the packaging is, for my tastes, astonishingly high quality.

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The veteran makes Cody Cummings suffer .

“Suffer, boy!” Jobe snarls as he place kicks hot, bearded hunk Cody Cummings in the ribs while the meaty rookie tries to climb up to his hands and knees. The story revolves around muscle stud Cody coming with some wrestling background and those huge muscles to defy the juggernaut that is Jobe’s ball bashing resume. Jobe makes the most of his best asset by locking the beefy rookie up in a reverse bearhug and repeatedly, violently thrusting his gargantuan package pounding between Cody’s ass cheeks. I want the FastPass for that ride, please!

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Jobe’s newly minted muscle ass

But honestly, I may need reconsider my longstanding rhetoric about, and the legend that is, Jobe’s huge package.  Of course, it’s still huge in DeCrotchery 11.  His body fat has significantly shrunk, but that mammoth mountain of meat between his thighs appears as pendulous as ever. But damn it all if Jobe’s muscle carved ass doesn’t keep distracting me from marveling at his “centerpiece.”

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My favorite: an over-the-knee backbreaker with a ball twist chaser

There are 4 clips currently available in the new Max site from DeCrotchery 11, and Jobe is mostly manhandling Cody beautifully thus far in the match. Considering my weakness for a long suffering OTK backbreaker, his repeated success in stretching the muscle boy out across his knee and clawing the fuck out of his crotch is sensational.

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You can taste the sweat pouring off both of these wrestlers.

Cody works up a sincere sheen of sweat early going, and Jobe’s dark, SoCal tan isn’t far behind. He repeatedly demands that the rookie give a reading of the likert scale, 1-10, for how brutal he’s making Cody suffer. “One!” the rookie snarls through gritted teeth, clutching his tortured testicles. Jobe is thus challenged to turn the dial way, way up to merit a reluctant, screaming, brutalized reappraisal from the hard-to-impress muscle hunk.

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Holy shit. Ripped!!!

I’ll keep watching the serial release of DeCrotchery 11 in the new Max, and I’ll enjoy continuing to explore the backroads as well as the new territory the portal takes me to. They promise multiple daily updates, which was a major complaint of the old Max: stagnant content updated unpredictably. Technology often baffles me, so I should probably be the last one to critique producers’ timeliness in developing new ways to exploit it for our enjoyment. But like most of you, I’m a consumer, with opinions, and I’m happy to see Max slicker, more navigable, and so far, updated often enough to slake my unending thirst for fresh content. Now, about that storefront public portal of yours, Can-Am…

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Has Jobe just fucked with the wrong rookie hunk?

And the nominees are…

The polls close Sunday at midnight (EST, I’m guessing), so don’t contemplate your votes for the Best of BG East in 2014 too long. If you haven’t submitted your votes yet, consider this your voter’s guide with only a tad bit of electioneering to keep it saucy.  Today, let’s take a look at a couple more categories.  First up, best ring match.

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Best Body 2013 winner Z-Man doesn’t take kindly to Kip Sorell trying to outshine him. Ring Hunks 2 is the first match I remember Z-Man really telling the story, and he does an outstanding job of it. I’d go so far as to say his body part by body part dissection of Kip may have been exactly what kept the pretty boy out of contention in Best Body 2014. Drama, beauty, suffering… could this be best ring match?
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Comparing tag team matches to singles is apples to oranges, but I’m extremely happy to see Tag Team 17 show up in the polls somewhere. 4 of the finest specimens of wrestling muscle, 3 rocking debuts, and my perennial favorite Lon Dumont working his magic… that’s a strong case for best ring match!
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Demolition 17’s Genatto v Jenkins match shows up both as an option for best ring match and best squash. Guido obliterates the young stallion. Fucking brutal as hell. Incredible feats of strength, flexibility, endurance, and pro quality talent. Total contender.
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Ringwars 23 features Jobe Zander getting everything he’s dishing out and more from Peter Owens. Call yourself “the centerpiece” and you should come to expect the laser scope trained on your mammoth member. Vile, vicious, dizzyingly brutal.
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Fans salivate at the sight of Alexi Adamov, so his Ringwars 22 match with Scott Starr has got to be in the running. Although he’s always dangerous, Alexi is regularly in jeopardy, which keeps so many tuning in to see Sexy Alexi face the music. And against pro stud Scott Starr (no bulge nomination!?), this is fast, furious, and muscle magnificent. 

I’ve got to punch my hanging chad for Tag Team Torture 17, because 4 magnificent specimens of wrestling meat beat 2 about 99 out of 100 times for me (it’s all about math). 3 debuts and every fucking one of them is absolutely on point and golden? That’s a work of art, and add Lon Dumont’s snarls and flexes, and I’m done for.  I suspect I may out of the mainstream, and if so, I’m expecting to see Z-Man/Sorell or Guido/JJ own the plurality. The dark horse odds defier I think has to be Jobe/Peter. Jobe’s crotch has its own clamoring fan base, though…

Next for today, I want to muse a bit on one of my favorite categories, Best Debut. I love fresh blood, the suspense of new faces, who will they be, what will they sound like, can they fucking wrestle?  There were outstanding newbies hitting the scene this year, so let’s take a look at the nominees.

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Cal Bennett is here in his 3rd category after appearing in exactly 1 late season match. That’s got to say something. His gargantuan biceps and ripped torso say a lot as well, as does his baby blue eyes. He’s definitely made the most of that one match, though he got steam rolled like a pancake by Chace LaChance. Fans clearly responded, however, which I’d argue is the essence of what makes for a debut of the year.
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If the standard is going from 0 to 60 in record time, however, it’s hard not to give a long, lingering look at Ty Alexander. Unlike some of the other contenders, Ty not only debuted in 2014, he went on to be featured in 5 releases, including one single match release. Ty works social media, and between that and his bubble butt, he’s generated a tidal wave of fan support.
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Another late season debut with just one match under his belt is “don’t discount my ass” Kirk Donahue. True enough, the freckle faced stud came on like a house on fire in his demolition at the hands of Guido, making my crotch groan to watch him, literally, attempt to flee the ring crying in terror. He took punishment for about 4 men and sucked it down like java. I expect major things in 2015, but did he do enough in 2014?
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Richie Douglas has come on extremely strong since debuting earlier this year. 2 matches in 2014 and already in the first 2015 catalog, the babyface boy scout is ripped to shreds and a punishment sponge. He’s innocence aching to be spoiled which is a compelling character to already own in your debut year.
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Zach Reno (left in this picture) is another hunk who got tongues a wagging after just one appearance, namely in Tag Team Torture 17. The curly-haired bearded beauty impressed a ton of fans, helping to make TTT17 such an outstanding release. He’s got a distinct, sexy ass look, power, speed, and a jock-takes-on-homoerotic-wrestling character in place.

Another tough, tough category. I’m partial to the nominees that demonstrate some depth, so although a couple of these studs could easily be major players after a couple more matches, I lean squarely toward punching my ticket for either Ty or Richie. I’d be happy to settle the close call with a rip ‘n’ strip match between the two of them to determine the winner of my vote, but short of that, I’ve got to say Ty Alexander has done more in his debut year with BG East than almost anyone I can remember. You’ve got to go back to Eli Black to really see quite the same momentum so soon. I’m sorry not to see another slightly more experienced newbie like Kayden Keller on the ticket, and I’m suspicious as to whether Cal’s dazzling beauty (if not stellar wrestling) may attract the masses. Even though he’s my number 2, I think Richie is the dark horse long shot bet here to consider. Not a ton of buzz, but a solid wrestler, luscious body, and that rare combo of adolescent face on a hot, hard, mature man’s body.

So the Bard-approved ballot stands now this way:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos beat like a bitch by Mason Brooks

Wednesday’s Woes

Sure, “hump day” has a nice ring to it, but I know I’m not alone in enjoying taking time out in the middle of the week to appreciate the fine art that is a Tree of Woe. The ToW portrays such vulnerability, such anticipation, capturing so much back story and foreshadowing impending doom on the horizon…. just like most Wednesdays in my life.  Here are a few choice ToW’s to put the torture of Wednesday into homoerotic wrestling perspective.

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New Pro Wrestling’s hunky Viper gets hung out to dry in a ToW in Irish Lads of the Ring 4.
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BG East’s Cole Cassidy digs that elbow deep into the throbbing, massive bulge of sweaty, suffering stud Derek Da Silva in Cole’s Wrestler Spotlight.
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Cocky goldenboy Austin Cooper strings lean fighting machine Eli Black up and uses him as a punching bag at Rock Hard Wrestling.
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Austin seems to have a taste for making an opponent suffer in a ToW, because he does it yet again to bodybuilder beauty Lucas (aptly named) Payne at Rock Hard Wrestling.
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But Austin learns that Karma’s a bitch when new hardbodied hottie Trent Novak dishes out a heaping helping of what Austin’s been serving to everyone else at Rock Hard Wrestling.
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Ken Mason learns what’s worse than being stuck between a rock (Kid Leopard) and a hard place (Kid Vicious): being stuck there in a ToW in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 1.
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BG East’s Kid Vicious has absolutely everything singlehandedly in hand when it comes to exploiting the vulnerable muscles of Jeff Jordan in a ToW in Demolition 2.
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Rio Garza forcibly puts the breaks on the vicious heel tactics of Jobe Zander with an unapologetic crotch crushing ToW in Can-Am’s Rio’s Revenge.
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Perhaps the very definition of a babyface beatdown, BG East’s Joe Mazetti kicks the crap out of an achingly young and beautiful Brad Rochelle in Hunkbash 6.
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Did a Tree of Woe ever turn out so right as when painfully pretty Troy Baker defied the law and snapped those golden thighs around the head of The Sheriff in BG East’s Ringwars 8?!

Everything That Yet Could Be

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Cameron Matthews continues to carve out those abs and look more and more dangerous.

Can-Am is previewing in Can-AmMax a new pro wrestling-themed product that looks like it’s yet to be released. At least I can’t find it yet on the main page. I’ve been excited over the past year or two to see Can-Am return to the ring. Ring wrestling certainly isn’t the only thing that strokes my wrestling kink, but it’s the most dependable. This newest yet-to-be-release from Can-Am stars two of the most prolific studs in homoerotic wrestling, Cameron Matthews and Jobe Zander, starring in “Pro Challenge.”

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Jobe Zander and his most prominent muscle (hint: not the bicep)

Enjoying photo previews of soon-to-be-released matches feels a little like that giddy moment when you know someone well enough to ask them out on a first date.  There’s definitely something attractive about the glimpses Can-AmMax gives of Pro Challenge, but we have precious little to really go on.  So, in the meantime, we’re left to fantasize about what’s yet in store, what we’ll learn and witness and, hopefully, fall in love with when we get our eyes on the actual action. I feel confident that we can expect to see some all-in, extremely well-formed homoerotic wrestling characters, because both Jobe and Cameron have resumes longer than my arm proving that they know how to sell a story.  Based on the photos, both hunks look like they were in seriously fit shape for this taping.  Of course, it seems like a solid guarantee that there will be an abundance of trunk-spectacle, considering Cameron has one of the most eye-catchingly luscious asses in the business and Jobe has one of the most eye-catchingly packed pouches.

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The beautiful bubble butt and the notoriously massive dick.

Whether its implied or I’m projecting my hopes and desires, I fully anticipate this to be a highly entertaining, hard hitting, joint wrenching, ball busting, trunk pulling, trash talking extravaganza, considering the aforementioned arm-length resumes these two sport. Cameron has been on a bit of a bid to turn heel, which is an uphill (upheel?) battle for a hunk as babyfaced and bubble-butted as he is. Jobe, on the other hand, has been official heel-in-residence at Can-Am for quite a while now, ripping hot, pornboy musclestuds apart, piece by piece, generally starting with their balls.

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Jobe pulls the trunks and batters the babyface from behind. Such a heel…

If it were up to me, I’d love to see Jobe work up another wave of crushing, humiliating, cheating, vicious brutality all over the mouthwateringly hot bod of perpetually babyfaced Cameron for about 25 minutes of jaw-dropping, total-sell action.  I’d even give Jobe the green light to ham it up (because, really, who’s going to be able to restrain him from doing so?), even though he frequently tips right over the top into caricature that pulls me out of the fantasy a bit in past performances. Because after that 25 minute steam roll of beautiful Cameron, during which that monster crotch of Jobe’s would absolutely be required to press provocatively against Cameron’s glorious glutes in a ton of reverse bearhugs, back suplexes, and flat-out butt-humping, Cameron would finally get pushed over that elusive edge and go fucking nuts all over Jobe and his bieberesque Hollywood highlights.

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Had enough!? Cameron looks like he’s ready to rip Jobe’s face off!

Yes, I harbor a deep longing for Cameron to boomerang around that heel turn with a vengeance! And an epic heel turn like that, in the ring with such a loudmouthed, (quite literally) cocky bully like Jobe, would require some boundaries to be pushed.  For example, Jobe’s jackhammer has, as far as I’ve seen, never been seen. In my fantasy telling of Pro Challenge, Cameron goes ape shit all over the bleached blond badass and rips Jobe’s trunks off by the seams.  Don’t waist a Cameron heel turn on Jobe-as-usual, damn it!  Let’s see the contrapuntal epic jobber-turn for Jobe, crushed, humiliated, stripped, tied up, tied down, spread open wide, and face smothered by the most smotherable ass on the planet. Jobe’s been an oddly demure son of a bitch for having his hand down the trunks of so many hotly muscled pornboys. If ever there was a comeuppance due, I say it would be Jobe’s SoCal tanned bod naked, cornered, and forced to jerk himself off while Cameron keeps him teetering on the edge of being sleepered out cold.

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Suck on that, Jobe!

I know, I know.  The probability that just about any of my fantasy reading of the preview pics for Pro Challenge actually resembles the product to be released is almost non-existent.  Both Cameron and Jobe have kept at least a modicum of modesty (i.e., trunks or, at least, thongs) throughout their careers, again, as far as I’ve seen (please correct me if I’m wrong).  While Jobe’s been handily crushed a few times, particularly at BG East, Can-Am has been pushing him as quite the terrifyingly unstoppable heel, so messing with that momentum probably isn’t in the cards.

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Cameron’s been building both a fierce attitude and smokin’ hot muscles… but how far will that get him against Jobe?

But it could be.  It could be absolutely perfect.  It could be the perfect fit to my fondest fantasies. So despite disappointments in the past, I pluck up the courage and ask the hot studs so full of potential and possibility, “Wanna go on a date?”

Short Cuts

I won’t name names, because that ALWAYS gets me in more trouble than it’s worth. I’ll just say that the same disappointing thought has occurred to me more than once recently as I’ve been sampling homoerotic wrestling new releases.  This recurring thought is, Grabbing crotch does not make wrestling homoerotic.

100% homoerotic wrestling featuring (among many other elements) Mitch Colby grabbing Derek da Silva’s crotch in Crotch Crushers 1.

Do you know what I mean? I’ve seen an anecdotal rise in the number of wrestling products marketed to you and me in which the most homo and/or erotic content is almost entirely limited to a crotch grab. Now, I love a nice crotch grab. That goes for all sorts of contexts and purposes, actually.  The feel of a pulsing, raging cock in my hand is absolutely intoxicating! Two raging cocks in my hand, and I’m guaranteed to have a hangover the next morning. I do not have anything at all against the homoeroticism of taking another man’s cock firmly in hand, per se.

Jobe Zander looks like he’s searching for his keys at the bottom of his purse in Can-Am’s DeCrotchery 3

But my beef, so to speak, is the over reliance on this device to sell wrestling as gay. I realize that there’s a sub-fetish contingent out there with a particular kink for watching and/or experiencing cock abuse. While I don’t count myself in that particular tribe, I can appreciate and get turned on by some cock control as a tool of soul crushing erotic domination. But if that’s really the only element in a match that might distinguish it from a TBS prime time mainstream episode of plasticized canned wrestling drama, then it’s just got one toe on our side of the fence, as far as I’m concerned.

Gino Liotta and Joshua Goodman engage in mutual crotch crushing as just one element of steamy action in Crotch Crushers 2.

Running across a bevy of barely homoerotic wrestling trying to take a short cut with crotch shots as credentials for checking in with you and me as gay-oriented has started to grate on my nerves.  So sure, you squeezed his balls… if you’ve got a disinterested look on your face, it sort of douses the heat. You grabbed a handful of whatever is stuffed down the front of his trunks, okay. But, if neither your hand nor his suffering seem to sell me that you’re about to rip him apart out of a primal lust to own his muscled body, then the stagecraft wears thin.

Friend of neverland, Ben Monaco, convinces me long before he goes for Alex Arias’ crotch that he’s all-in for homoerotic wrestling in Mat Rookies 1!

All this begs the question, of course, what it is that distinguishes some wrestling as homoerotic and others as something else. Of course, mainstream wrestling can turn me on (when it isn’t pissing me off with over-the-top homophobia). Just about any wrestling itself speaks to me as homoerotic almost by definition.  But I propose that there’s an ontologically different beast that is homoerotic wrestling. I’ve danced around this topic many times in the past. It’s a know-when-I-see-it sort of concept, in large part. It also overlaps with the cliche of “chemistry” between wrestlers, which is nearly impossible to quantify but, nevertheless, is unmistakable when its absent. I don’t know that I can put a finger on the baseline requirements (for me), but what makes something distinctively homoerotic wrestling always hits me on many levels.

Muscleboy Tyler St. James checks for a hernia in Pro Sex Fight 8.

Of course, explicit sexuality never hurts to sell wrestling as homoerotic. A suck, a fuck, a kiss even (especially), and I’m a long way to being sold that this wrestling is all about me and my kink. Hell, just having the boys talk openly about the eroticism hanging in the air between them is plenty to suck me in, and when it’s done right, eroticized banter will rev me up a hundred times hotter than an going-through-the-motions post-match fuck.

Reese Wells works 5 different angles at once in dishing out dominating abuse over  Jobe Zander’s package in Ball Busters 1.

It doesn’t require explicitness, though. It can be the fixed gaze of one wrestler and the self-conscious glance at the ground by the other that piques my homoerotic wrestling gaydar. It can be the intimacy of the setting, the gear, the lighting even, that contribute to making me recognize that this is homoerotic wrestling.  It can, and often is, one wrestler so narcissistic that he convinces me that, if humanly possible, he’d fuck himself into a stupor if that annoying opponent of his would just get the fuck out of his face.

Michael Vineland works the joystick from behind in Pro Sex Fight 8.

The best in the business push the homoerotic button from the instant the camera brings them into focus. Homoerotic wrestlers of the month Cage Thunder and (spoiler alert… keep reading at your own risk… oh, wait, too late!) Lightning Rod aka KV are beautiful examples. A half a second after I see their eyes lock onto the body of their opponents like sizing up a juicy filet, I understand without a doubt that the combat that’s about to unfold is first and foremost sexual. They communicate a hunger to grab hold of and consume their opponent that’s instantly arousing. The crotch grab is perfectly homoerotic when they latch on and threaten to rip an opponent out by the roots, because of everything else they’ve done to make it clear that they get off on this!

In Ball Bash 2, Reese Wells gets harder the more vicious Jonny Firestorm attacks his crotch! Now that’s homoerotic and hot!

There are plenty of wrestling products that push me way over the edge without ever veering into crotch grabs, fucking, or nudity even. They’re often completely homoerotic in my eyes for a dozen other elements that signal to me that this isn’t wrestling for 8 year-old boys with g-rated comic book fantasies of heroes and villains.  And equally as true, a gratuitous ball claw or tug at a cock is seldom the end-game for landing a wrestling match firmly within the circle of what I consider gay-themed, for gay eyes, wrestling kink, or homoerotic.

Unmasked and unsheathed, Stinger swells with excitement as Homoerotic Wrestlers of the Month Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod batter his stinger mercilessly.

As the photos I’ve attached to this post illustrate, the crotch grab is a delightfully hot tool in the tool belt of the accomplished homoerotic wrestler.  When it’s dished out in measured quantity, it’s fantastic! When placed as an integral component of an onslaught of unmistakably homoerotic content, the crotch grab is often precisely the point at which I lose all self-restraint. However, and I’m not naming names, but I just need to say it: solely based on a wrestler grabbing his opponent’s crotch, it doesn’t make it homoerotic wrestling. A one-trick pony gimmick in an otherwise lukewarm bath of run of the mill wrestling does not a homoerotic wrestling match make.