There’s a rule in homoerotic wrestling. You have to pay for looking too pretty. Of course, I think there are a handful of exceptions. Like, Kid Karisma is, honestly, too pretty, and he never has to pay. But Kip Sorell is NO Kid Karisma, and holy shit, does he pay for looking so ridiculously, almost impossibly pretty! In the new release from Jonny Firestorm, fuck, does Aryx Quinn make Kip pay hard!
Kip comes to, with his wrists tied behind him, lashing him to the corner post. “Wakey, wakey, little one,” Aryx Quinn says, grabbing Kip by the hair and prying his shocked face upward. The look of terror on Kip’s face, eyes wide in panic, is seriously juicy! I’m perplexed about the backstory of this match, but Aryx alludes to Kip’s consent later in the match: “You are so stupid for agreeing to the terms of a match like this!” Fuck, how to begin to describe what it means when Aryx says, “a match like this…”
Okay, so I’ve got to start by saying this is a squash. If you have even passing familiarity with Aryx’ wrestling work and with Kip’s wrestling work, this will not surprise you. I’d say this match is about terror, more than anything, really. Aryx tortures and taunts in that way that nobody else comes close (well, I can think of one wrestler who I thought matched Aryx in trash talk). And the trash talk is super high stakes. “This is going to be the last place you’ll ever see,” he promises the sputtering muscle boy. Aryx shoves a straw in Kip’s face and asks, “Do you know what this is for? It’s for eating. Because every meal you eat after today, you’re going to be eating through a fucking straw, if you don’t do what I say!” Aryx keeps fucking with Kip’s panic-ometer, dialing it up until he’s screaming and whimpering and begging like a baby, and then letting him believe, for just a few seconds, it all might be over (spoiler alert: it isn’t).
But there’s another really, really delightful flavor to this match that is sorely missing in far too much homoerotic wrestling: Aryx is fucking INTO Kip’s body! “God, you’re fucking beautiful,” he says at one point, and honestly, I stand up and cheer, because if you step into the ring with Kip Sorell, and you have an ounce of appreciation for male beauty, how could you NOT marvel at him? “You are fucking built solid,” Aryx marvels, as he digs his claws into Kip’s lats and pecs and rips his muscles apart to Kip’s symphony of screams. “You’re pretty,” Aryx says bluntly, and it’s one of the most pristinely authentic moments I’ve seen in homoerotic wrestling. “I like pretty boys,” he says, a half a second before he stomps the living shit out of Kip’s rock hard abs and pitifully helpless balls. “Look at the veins in that chest,” Aryx marvels, clawing the fuck out of Kip’s pecs. “Fuck,” Aryx says, “someone’s been doing some training!” And honestly, I’m talking to the screen like a crazy person, saying that it’s about TIME somebody acknowledged the dazzlying, dizzying, insane hotness of Kip, and the outrageous level of fitness he maintains like some android from the future, where you can see the roadmap of his veins feeding his sculpted, bulging muscles in real time. How could an opponent NOT comment on Kip’s vascularity!? Fuck, Aryx is a truth-teller.
So I’ve caveat emptored that this is a total, start-to-finish squash. Despite that fact, the action takes them all over the ring, as Aryx finds 1,001 ways to threaten to snap, smother, and strangle Kip over the edge of terror, again and again. Highlights for me include the patent-pending Aryx-rack, with the muscled heel bent forward and twist-tying Kip’s spine around his torso. There’s a super, super severe Boston crab that displays both beautiful muscle men to perfection. “I bet I can fold you in half like a deck of cards,” Aryx says, and fuck it all if he doesn’t do exactly that! Holy shit, I think Kip wasn’t quite believing him, until he’s absolutely screaming his submission in terror.
Okay, the final star of this match for me is Aryx’ sweat. Fuck, if you wonder who’s carrying the load in a squash, sit back and watch the sweat literally streaming off of Aryx’ body from about 1/3 of the way into the match to the end. There’s a camel clutch, where the camera angle happens to catch the spectacularly sexy hold silhouetted in front of some harsh studio lights. I’m sure it was an unintentional moment of getting the stagecraft of the lighting inadvertently washing out the foreground. But there’s this magic moment when you can see sweat literally streaming off of Aryx’ face and pouring down on Kip’s twisted body beneath him. Fuck… I know of some serious Aryx Quinn fans who would love to volunteer to squeegee that mat in the aftermath (and save some souvenir bottles of perspiration for themselves).
Kip’s journey from this match to getting tapped by Jonny to be his heel protege in the Bundle 2 feature I reviewed a couple of days ago had to have been an insanely wild ride! I buy Kip begging, pleading, weeping in humiliation, promising Aryx that he absolutely does NOT want to be a pro wrestler. And, damn it all, if I don’t find Kip oddly compelling as a baby heel, emerging from his cocoon, with his new vampire eyes soaking in the sight of Christian Taylor’s gorgeous suffering and wanting a taste for himself. Aryx’ takedown of Kip is in Bundle 1 of Jonny’s Black Friday sale, and the gorgeous 2-on-1 of Jonny walking Kip through the wonders of heeling on Christian appear in Bundle 2. Super, super sexy matches all around!
Holy shit on a cracker! I just enjoyed the profound pleasure of watching one of Jonny Firestorm’s new releases, just in time to treat yourself for Black Friday. Squirreled away in Bundle #2 is a dazzlingly sexy 2-on-1 match, pitting Jonny and heel protege (!?) Kip Sorell executing the sexiest Grindr hookup in history with Christian Taylor.
“You look a little different on your Grindr profile, I’m not going to lie,” Jonny says when Christian steps into the ring with them. Can someone please, please screenshot me Christian’s Grindr profile? Because I’m not sure what that means, because…fuuuuuck… he is as sexy as he’s ever been, as far as I’m concerned. He’s got a 5 o’clock shadow that’s making me feel all sorts of new things about him. And he absolutely TOWERS over Jonny and Kip. I don’t think I’d ever quite realized how short Kip is, or perhaps how tall Christian is, until now, and the contrast is outrageously sexy.
This is a total squash (buyer beware, if that’s not what you’re shopping for). But fuck, the intensity remains super high throughout the entire 29 minutes. Apparently Jonny has handpicked Kip to be his new heel protege, and fuck it all if I’m suddenly convinced that that HAS to happen! I’ve honestly never seriously considered Kip’s heel turn potential until this moment, but put Jonny’s masterful hands on the task, and fuck… of COURSE devastatingly hot Kip would make a sizzling pretty boy heel!
They double-team Christian almost the entire time, and it’s gorgeous and absolutely artful. “I think you had something different in mind when I said my partner and I were looking for a threesome,” Jonny jokes. Oh fucking damn, Christian answered a Grindr call for a threesome, and showed up for this!? So many reasons to stay diligent on Grindr, my friends!
Every double-team hold is homoerotic sculpture. The mixture of the three different super sexy bodies turns me on harder and harder each moment of the match. One of my favorite moments is relatively early on, while Christian is still screaming and writhing and begging a lot. Jonny has tied his wrists behind his back, for absolutely no good reason other than increase Christian’s terror. Jonny rolls him into face-to-crotch headscissors and smothers him, burying his face in the legendary bulge and keeping him there with a handle on his hair. At the same time, Kip grabs him by the ankles and shoves the ball of his foot up Christian’s ass. Fuck me, I’ve got to push pause and rewind.
“Are you worthy to be our third,” Jonny asks, now with Christian smothering in Kip’s face-to-crotch, while Jonny tortures his back in a crab variation. “Yes. YES!” Christian screams, and I’m not quite sure if it’s begging for reprieve, or his desperation to join this threesome in earnest. I like to think it’s the latter. “Do you think you’re worthy,” Jonny demands. “Because all you do is whine like a fucking bitch!”
I’m so excited to see Kip warm up to heeling, torturing Christian’s nipples, throttling Christian’s cock, and smiling in delight as he does it. There’s this spontaneous moment where Jonny is pitching and in control, and Kip is taking a quick breather, admiring the scene or total humiliation in front of him, when Kip seems to be unable to restrain himself from leaning over and landing a cracking slap across Christian’s tortured, handsomed, hirsuite face. Damn, Kip, I am buying this!!!
Lovely, LOVELY action from all three veterans of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. The dynamic duo heels leave Christian tied up, hanging from the ropes, passed out from pain. “Let’s go get a bite to eat, and we’ll come back for him later,” Jonny grins as the climb through the ropes. Fuck, yes. Best Grindr hookup EVER!
Calvin Haynes scored the clear victory for best legs with those gargantuan, thickly draped quads and beautifully bulging, veiny calves. I feel like it’s time for us to see Calvin in a seriously sexy Wrestle Worship match, with Calvin earning the the kneeling, gasping, awestruck, licking adoration those tree trunks so richly deserve .
Brad Barnes huge pec pillows came just shy of getting the outright majority of voters in a seriously beautiful field of contenders. I think the pec claw was invented for the comic book superhero proportions of Brad’s chest. I’d give a kidney for the chance to see runner-up Lon Dumont (my choice, of course) climb into the ring with Brad and tear him to shreds!
Dev Michaels pulled out the victory in the seriously competitive category of Best Arms. This category had me struggling to settle on just one of these magnificent, mountainous set of biceps, but I have to admit I went for Dev’s stunning, thickly veined, aesthetically gorgeous, and functionally devastating arms. Have we seen an opponent openly acknowledge just how fucking SEXY Dev’s muscleman bod is?
The Best Back category was another super competitive battle. Van and Dev scored an exact tie (as of my counting this morning) for second place, but it was Dr. Cooper who pulled the victory out. There’s so much about Austin to love, and I bet his beautiful tapered-V isn’t always the first thing that comes to mind to admire, but fuck, yes, his back is a work of art! I actually voted for Van, because Dark Skyler has been haunting my waking dreams since I had the pleasure of watching his Muscle Showcase last year. But I have no problems at all with crowning Coop as sporting the best back at BG East in 2020.
The Best Ink category always brings out the haters. I used to feel defensive when I’d get comments about how tattoos universally suck, and it’s a waste of a hot body to ink it up. Some of you know I sport my own ink that I actually adore, so I feel pretty swept up in the sweeping generalizations. But there are clearly plenty of us who appreciate fine body art, and by a razor-thin margin, Zip Zarella came out on top by a fraction over his indy pro buddy Elite Eliot. My vote actually went to Ash, but Eliot and Zip are perennial favorites of mine for so many reasons, not least of which is their fine, bold, in-your-face ink. The two of them burned the house down in Wrestling with Pride 1 a couple of years ago, but I ache to see them show even more pride in a rematch, strip stakes, loser kisses the winner’s ass (lovingly). And if that idea were to materialize, I hope that Eliot knows I’m ready to be his corner man.
The Prettiest Face category was the only one to turn into a total route in the polls, with Kip Sorell leaving all 4 of his competitors in the dust and taking an actual majority of votes. I’ve never been as huge a fan of Kip’s as I know most BGE fans are, not because I wouldn’t love to strip him naked and fuck him for days on end, but because he’s such a fucking jobber. Not that I don’t love jobbers, mind you, but Kip just doesn’t quite suck me in to the wrestling drama. But that’s me. He’s ridiculously pretty, nonetheless. My vote went full-heartedly for Nino, who I feel like is way under-appreciated relative to his wrestling skills, passion, and raw sexiness. But that face of his is so boy-band pretty it makes me dizzy sometimes.
It was such a nail biter to the finish for the Sexiest Nipples vote! I started crushing on Chase’s nips from about 2 seconds after I first saw him in action a few years ago, so I have no complaints about him bringing home the gold. I also started crushing on Mason’s nips about 2 seconds after I first saw him in action a couple years before I first saw Chase, so I love that their sexiest nipples rivalry that played out in Gazebo Grapplers 20 played out in the voting, as well. I didn’t expect Dev to bring home the tie with Mason for second place though, which is an awesome surprise. I think this now deserves a 3-way contest, in the ring, climaxing with Mason and Chase cooperating just enough to tie Dev in the ropes and each of them work over one of the big man’s nips until he cums hands-free.
My hearty congratulations to all the winners, and I hope that the also-rans know that you are adored by an army of devoted fans, even if you didn’t get the votes in a totally useless poll like this one (or any of them). I think every wrestler who put in an appearance in a 2020 BG East release deserves a medal for making lock-down bearable, and I would personally be more than happy to demonstrate to any one (or all) of you just how much fans worship your beauty, strength, and skill!
First of all, a quick word about my housekeeping here around the blog. I redecorated just a tad, to keep things slightly fresher. I’ve also changed up some standard features to reflect my focus these days. Rather than crown a homoerotic wrestler of the month, which I haven’t had time to keep up with in years, I’m just naming whoever my latest obsession is (regardless if they’ve appeared in recent new releases). I’ve also crowned a new reigning homoerotic wrestler, which I deliberated about long and hard, because I fucking LOVE the longest reigning champ in that category, Kid Karisma, with a passion reserved for very few. However, I have to say, my longstanding wrestling crush on Scott Williams has been dominating my thoughts and posts in recent months, and I am awed at how he can just comment on the pages of this blog with two sentences and I’m fully aroused and savoring an endorphin hit. So Scott has officially, forcibly removed the crown from Kid K’s freckled forehead and planted it on top of his own gorgeous pate. If ever Kid K wants to settle this in person, in what would be the most spectacularly sexy old-school-meets-new pairing in homoerotic wrestling history, I will beat anyone else who wants the privilege of reffing away with a stick.
No comparison between Brad Barnes’ quads and Kip Sorell’s!
In honor of the newly reigning champ of these pages, I’ve done an extra leg workout today and savored BG East’s recent release of Science of Scissors 2. As far as I’m concerned, Scott is the final word in all things scissors, because he has demonstrated repeatedly, in action and word, that he knows exactly what I like most about them. So I’m hoping the new champ will weigh in on my quick review of this new entry in the annals of the homoerotic wrestling obsession with scissors.
Kip’s got a big task ahead of him, to convince me those legs will dominate.
The combatants are Kip Sorell and Brad Barnes, which frankly, is a little bit of a surprise to me. Brad I get, because, fuck, look at the quads on that beast of a man! Kip, though? I mean, he’s fuckable from every angle. But while his legs are sensationally lean and cut, with a topographical map of his circulatory system clearly visible across the surface of his quads and calves, his legs are not particularly big. Again, let me be clear, I would worship Kip’s body from head to toe for days on end, but I do not think of him in the top 10 of “legs most likely to punish.”
Brad could easily be in my top 5 hunkiest legs!
Brad clearly agrees with me. “I don’t know what you’re going to do against these bad boys,” Brad boasts, squeezing an almost audibly crunching flex out of his massive quads. “Yeah, you may have some size on me,” Kip counters, flexing his darkly tanned thighs in reply, “but I think I have a leaner, more aesthetic look.”
Can aesthetics compete with this power?
Reading my mind, Brad calmly asks, “Oh yeah? I don’t know if that’s going to compete with this power. I’ve been doing all those squats and deadlifts; been going up in weight, too.” Kip refuses to tear his eyes away from his own dazzlingly sexy image in the mirror as he mutters back, “Deadlifts and squats aren’t that important.” “It is when it’s about to end your wrestling career,” Brad deadpans back. Fuck, that is choice trash talk. I haven’t always been on the Brad Barnes bandwagon, but he is serious as a heart attack and sexy as hell, slapping down his smack and starting to crowd lovely Kip out of the center of the ring with his huge, round pecs and magnum-sized ego. “Let me see what these little chicken legs of yours have got.”
“Okay,” Brad gasps, “not bad!”
They take turns testing each other, which is curiously super-erotic to watch for me. They agree to let Kip go first, and they both ease their hunky, hot bodies down to the mat. Kip spreads his golden thighs open wide, and Brad willingly, compliantly, slowly leans back to rest his head on Kip’s crotch. Fuck. Their mutual consent in just getting right down to business like that is almost as much a turn on as it is when Kip deliberately positions his legs around Brad’s head in then suddenly clamps down the crotch-pillow headscissors. Brad instantly winces. He screws up his superhero square face in pain and grunts, breathlessly, “Okay… not bad.”
“Not bad for ‘chicken legs,’ huh?”
Kip milks it beautifully, twisting his lean torso to pry at Brad’s neck like he’s working on removing a stubborn wine cork from the bottle. “How’s that,” he asks, knowing full well he’s making the muscle hunk eat his own words. “Not bad for chicken legs, huh,” he demands to know. He barrel rolls Brad in those headscissors tauntingly, which always turns me on hard. Finally, they roll close enough to the edge of the ring for Brad to grab a rope at get the break. “I guess I’ll let you have a turn,” Kip chuckles, letting him go. “Though, I don’t think you’re going to do much with those stubby little things, anyway.”
Flex. Release. Flex. Release.
They switch positions, and again, there’s something supercharged about the intimacy of Kip gently and willingly lowering his head in between Brad’s waiting thighs. When Brad bears down, Kip squirms and whimpers immediately. His head is nearly swallowed between those huge, lightly hairy, epic tree trunks on Brad. “Oh, shit,” Kip gasps in shock as he feels his skull compressing. Brad does this sensationally sadistic little trick of relaxing, even opening his legs apart an inch or two, which instinctively makes Kip gasp in relief. But then Brad snaps his thighs back together again that much harder, which causes Kip to cry out in shock. Brad works in his own sexy barrel rolls, though he delights in stopping part way and slamming Kip’s adorable face into the mat. Flex. Release. Flex. Release. Edging closer and closer to submission. Kip tries to pry Brad’s knees apart, but Brad just laughs at him. “Oh, you can forget that idea. You’re not spreading those bad boys!” Kip wriggles and squirms, his face flushed dark red. “Shit, shit, SHIT!” he screams out. It’s his turn to grab the ropes and get the break.
Enjoying the view
The rest of the action isn’t so willing or compliant, so this kicks back into the center aisle of my main turn on. “How about you try this on for size,” Kip suddenly pounces before Brad has peeled himself up off the mat. Kip lands on top of him, crotch slapping down into Brad’s face, and instantly snaps together his legs. “I hope you’re enjoying the view,” Kip crows, grinding his pink bulge into Brad’s gasping face. Kip’s go-to move to double down on the punishment is swiveling his hips. Not only does it highlight his infinitely munchable ass, it also cranks viciously at Brad’s neck, with his head locked up so nice and tight in the face-to-crotch headscissors. Kip does tricep dips, hangs from the ropes, mostly just showboats, rolling Brad around the ring at will and making the powerhouse hunk scream.
Gut up in there nice and tight!
Brad drives a double-fisted axe handle into Kip’s gut to get the break, and then seriously starts to dominate. He forces Kip’s head high up between his thighs, and when the position isn’t quite to his liking, he reaches behind him and drags Kip by the hair so that he’s nice and snug, smothered deep up Brad’s meaty glutes. Flex and release. Flex and release. Fuck, Brad is playing Kip’s screams of panicked pain like a player piano. Kip gives. What the fuck ever. Brad is on a role now.
Welcome to the stockade, mother fucker!
The money shot for me is when Brad drags Kip to the edge of the ring and climbs out onto the ring apron. He delivers standing scissors, first crushing Kip’s skull between his huge calves. Then he drags him up to his knees and drapes the boy across the middle rope, trapping his head between his monster quads. Brad flexes… everything at once, and it’s so fucking beautiful, and it makes Kip scream, “O, God, nooooooo!”
Ownership
Then Brad spins around, to crank on a slightly different pressure point with Kip’s head now sticking partway out between the front of Brad’s flexing quads. Kip screams, and Brad just leans back and punches the wriggling fucker in the back. Total ownership.
Kip’s turn to enjoy the view.
When he lets him go, Kip is gasping and clutching his head, and Brad just leisurely muscles his opponent around, to bend him backward now across the middle rope. He steps across Kip’s neck like he’s mounting a pony, and then reaches behind him again and grabs Kip by the hair. “Let me see this pretty little head,” Brad chuckles, yanking on Kip’s hair until he’s positioned the kid’s face high up against his spectacular cheeks to cinch down the pressure to perfection. Kip arches and wails, and Brad just punches him in the gut. Fuck, yes, complete domination.
Brad looks like he wants a taste
It’s not over. There are a couple more reversals of fortune. There’s a 69 scissor-off that is pretty climactic, as both battlers squeeze their hearts out to be the one whose scissors put him on top. It’s Brad that wins. It was Brad that was always going to win, as far as I’m concerned. I love luscious little Kip for believing otherwise, but sweet-fucking-god, Brad is in his element here. It’s all about power and punishment. And I had no idea that Brad, with his unbelievably perfect, round, huge pecs and unbelievably square jaw, was such a little sadist at heart! I’m totally reexamining my viewing history of his matches to figure out how I missed what a fucking beast he is.
Choke on it, Kip!
The final scissors are a figure-4 choke out. “Good thing about having all this power,” Brad smirks, “is I don’t even have to try.” Credit where due, Brad makes this look easy, but I don’t believe for a second that he isn’t trying, because his performance here is inspired. Kip wheezes out a feint submission, struggling for air. “That’s not good enough for me,” Brad barks dismissively. “Say, ‘I can’t handle the power!'” Kip whispers, wheezing, “I can’t handle… the power.” Brad smiles brightly, but continues. “Say, ‘You’re too strong for me!'” Kip is groggy, slurring the words hissing out of his constricted airway: “You’re… you’re too strong… for…me.”
“I can’t handle the power. You’re too strong for me!”
So yeah. Some nice surprises in this match for me. The scissors are awfully delightful, and I’m not nearly as into them a I know some fans are. The little bits of color and character that Kip and Brad bring to their scissors are sweet and nuanced. Frankly, if you combine Kip’s penchant for twisting his torso as he applies his headscissors, with Brad’s pulsing, pumping, flex-and-relax action, you get Scott Williams’ sensationally punishing scissors. I’m dying to hear Scott’s take on some of the key plot points. For example, Scott has mentioned that the thickest quads don’t always translate into the most punishing scissors. I think that’s the territory Kip is trying to lay out to start this match, but shit, he does NOT deliver there. With the wide variety of scissors applied in this match, I’m wondering which catches Scott’s attention (for good or bad), and why. And if Scott could test his scissors against just one of these hunks, who would it be, and upon which crotch pillow would he prefer to rest his head when he feels the power? And finally, can I be Scott’s corner man when this Science of Scissors: Old School Meets New School piece of brilliance goes down?
I thought I’d better post something before someone prematurely starts writing my obituary. I’m still adjusting to offline changes in my life, but I’m also happily carving out stolen moments here and there to enjoy watching hot wrestling. My thanks to those who periodically check-in when you notice I’m quiet for a while. It’s always nice to be missed. And a big word of humble gratitude to man-of-my-dreams Scott Williams who not only noticed my absence, not only dropped a comment on the blog asking how I’m doing, but also let me know that he’s thinking about arranging an opportunity for me to see him wrestle in person.
Scott Williams
Fuck, that’ll bring me back from death’s doorstep anytime. Honestly, if you ever find me in cardiac arrest, skip the CPR and just get Scott Williams on the line letting me know when and where I can get a live show of him making Ty Alexander cry and beg. I guarantee you that’ll be an instant miracle cure.
Scott hurting pretty boys makes life livable.
If you know me, you know I’ve got opinions piling up about the best and brightest new releases that have come out over the past couple of months. While I’m assembling my thoughts and trying to sort through a backlog of reviews, this post is mostly just to let you know I’m still kicking. And in that spirit, here are some hot, decisive kicks that make my heart beat harder.
The Best of BG East in 2016 has already been announced! Damn, that was fast. Clearly, I get into awards season heavily, so of course I need to debrief.
Biff’s ascendancy to the throne as Top Babyface is a remarkable rise for last year’s Debut of the Year winner. Seriously, we’ve been lusting after this gorgeous muscle man for less than two years! And just like that, he steps in, yanks the title from longtime title holder Jake Jenkins, and slaps JJ to the curb. There’s a reason that I let alliteration go fucking nuts when I’m talking about big, blond, blue-eyed, buff, bulging, beautiful babyfaced Biff.
With no defending title holders in the pool, Chace LaChance muscled his washboard right onto the throne as having the best abs. I had guessed that Chace might leverage his army of body worshipping fans to fill this vacuum.
Fuck, yeah! I have been arguing for years that Kid Karisma had the best body from top to bottom, and I’m thrilled that the court of public opinion has finally agreed with me. Last year’s winner, Chace, wasn’t even nominated, which certainly begs the question of who would fans want to worship more today. And there’s absolutely no other possible way to resolve this question than a jock strap wrestling match in the ring. And I STILL say Kid K’s body would rock the competition out cold.
Honestly, I’m unaccustomed to being so much in the majority when it comes to the Besties. But like me, a whole lot of the rest of you also noticed Kirk Donahue’s gargantuan bulge this year. I can think of no hotter scenario than Pete Sharp and Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) coming back in 2017 for a 3 way bulge off.
I’m shocked and aroused to learn that Guido Genatto just got beaten by Jonny Firestorm for the title to Top Heel. I said that if anyone could do it, it would be Jonny. Guido is loud, and huge, and nasty, but Jonny just shut the Dirty Daddy up but good by taking the title.
Again, I say, fuck, yeah! At what point do we just name this the Kid Karisma award? I’m thrilled to be with the herd in getting behind (and I mean, close behind) Kid K’s glorious glutes for yet another year as Best Butt. I know of at least 2 former contenders who didn’t get nominated who are bitter as shit, but not me. I’m just leaning back, a little light headed, and soaking in the sight of the Eighth Wonder of the World, Kid K’s unsurpassed ass.
Again, I was consistent with the popular vote in calling Ty Alexander Top Jobber yet again. On the one hand, it’s a dubious distinction to be a Top Jobber repeat. No one exactly likes to lose, do they? On the other hand, a jobber of Ty’s quality can make even a train wreck of a match compelling. And I predict that if he keeps that bleach blond ‘do, he’ll get his ass spanked relentlessly yet again in 2017.
I hedged my bets big time in the Debut of the Year category, but true enough, my vote didn’t swing things Chase Addams’ way. Instead, it was one of the other hot newcomers I thought was in contention taking the title this year, rock hard Beauxregard. I love what he brings to the table, and I think all of BG East is better for it. I’m looking forward to seeing what big Beaux accomplishes in 2017.
Best Submission of 2016 – Jonny Firestorm & Calvin Haynes in Hunkbash 18
Congratulations to Jonny and Calvin for taking the enigmatic title of Best Submission of 2016. I had my eye on another contender, but it’s not so surprising that the bad ass who just took the title as Top Heel would lock down the Best Submission follow up. And there’s no arguing that he fucking brutalizes doe eyed babyface Calvin.
A hearty congratulations to Kayden Keller and Debut of the Year winner Beauxregard on taking home the title for Sexiest Match of the year. It was a scorching hot field of contenders, and though I didn’t side with the majority on this one, there’s no denying they slapped down what was almost certainly the most explicit, sweaty, sexy assed heel on heel beatdown of the year. Well earned praise for KayK and a super hot haul for Beaux’s first year in the business.
Best Ring Match of 2016 – Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans & Taylor
I wasn’t playing coy with just how infatuated I was with this match, so I’m thrilled no end to see it take the Best Ring Match title. If even one of the four of these young studs was a weak link in the chain, a complex tag team melodrama like this could have easily been a dud. But every one of the wrestlers in this match earned every praise and every award it got. Now when do we get to see Team All-Americans tear into the tag team ranks again?
Best Squash of 2016 – Demolition 21 – LaCash vs. Sorell
Kip Sorell got squashed like a bug by Flash LaCash, and fans picked it as the best of 2016. I’m generally lukewarm on this genre in general, but I get it. This is a hot match. My vote went elsewhere, but I’m so not in the mainstream when it comes to squashes in general, I’m not too surprised.
Best Mat Match of 2016 – Undagear 25 – Andrews vs. Marcos
This was a close second choice for me, but I was irked not to get a chance to vote for what I thought was an even sexier Drake Marcos match. In any case, kudos to Drake and Ethan for nailing down this victory with gallons of sweat and tears and some damn fine mat wrestling. This was super competitive, brutal, and sexy as fuck.
Hottest Liplock of 2016 – Wet & Wild 8 – Taylor & Haynes
I didn’t vote with the majority in this category, either, but there’s no denying the remarkable passion in that pumping, grinding, grunting make out session between Christian Taylor and Calvin Haynes. I’m thrilled to see both Christian and Calvin starring in multiple award winners this year. And when it comes to liplocks, really… is anyone a loser?
Chace continued to show off his blazing fan power with a win in the category of Best Spotlight. I had this as a third place on my score card, so I clearly broke with the herd. But the definition of a wrestler spotlight is fan power, so congratulations to Chace and all of the opponents who made this DVD a winner.
Best Overall Match of 2016 – Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans & Taylor
You don’t know how thrilled I am to see fans select the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19 as the Best Overall Match of 2016. It got universally rave reviews from all of us who take the time to blog about this stuff. I’m pleased as punch that fans were of like mind with us bloggers, and I hope it does nothing but push for more tag team matches, more selfies, and much, much more of Christian Taylor, Charlie Evans, Ty Alexander, and Chase Addams.
Congratulations to everyone who won, and to all the nominees. It was an outstanding year at BG East, precisely because everyone in front of the camera and everyone behind the camera did such an excellent job producing high quality homoerotic wrestling of that flavor that only BG East can quite manage. I would argue there are no losers here.
You only have until the end of the day Thursday to register your vote for the Best of BG East in 2016, so I’m going to power through the remaining categories for those waiting for the completion of this voter’s guide. As always, take it with a grain of salt. My opinions reflect nothing more than my opinions. Just vote. It’s supposed to be fun. All of these wrestlers are beautiful, and we’re lucky to get to enjoy their wrestling, so heap praises on all of them.
Best Submission
I’ve asked for clarification on this category before, but not really gotten any. The options are matches, but they aren’t all really submission matches, so the category isn’t best submission match so much. But we don’t get to vote on a particular submission within a match. I’m sure I’m over thinking it. In any case, I’ll keep my comments brief in the interest of getting through the remainder of the ballot before the polls close.
Two sensationally skilled indy pro wrestlers add up to incredible submissions. I was torn between including a photo of this Mexican Ceiling hold or Lucky’s gorgeous stretcher, hanging from the ropes and wrenching Dick every wrong way. Very top quality wrestling, with sensationally executed submissions.
3-Way Thrash 4 – Jonny Firestorm vs. Brute Baynard vs. Guido Genatto
The options for sensational submissions exponentiate when you throw three highly skilled indy pro veterans in the ring for a free for all. It’s hard to beat Guido’s simultaneous camel clutch on Brute and Boston Crab on Jonny for innovation and strength. This is my second favorite submission in the mix.
Submissions fly every which way between Drake and Ethan, so it’s hard to pick out just one to highlight. I’m partial to this gorgeous figure-4 face-smothering Ethan uses to put Drake out cold. Of course, two pony rides in this match sort of epitomize submission. Extremely hot back and forth in this battle.
Again, I’m not sure which one submission to highlight, but I’m pretty sure it’s one where Skip Vance is getting his skinny ass handed to him on a platter (because that’s pretty much every submission in this match). I do like everything about this particular submission hold featured here, with Paul applying scissors, a vicious hammerlock, and grinding Skip’s screaming face into the mat, all at the same time. Art, people. Art.
Again, so many options to choose from. I’ll call out Jonny’s leg choke, over the ropes, with a pec claw chaser, but I’m nearly as much a fan of the fish hook camel clutch. And the ball bashing. And the… wait. We’d better move on if I’m getting through this voter’s guide.
Now consider the submission possibilities with 4 wrestlers in the ring, often simultaneously. This is my vote for Best Submission mostly based on how blown out of the water I was by this out-of-nowhere gravity defying torture hold from debuting newbie Chase Addams. Chase calls this hold the Will Breaker, and you should hear 6’2″ Christian crumble like shattered glass when the devastating newbie trusses him up as if he’s been doing this for decades. My second favorite submission from this match is Christian and his tag team partner Charlie teaming up to squeeze a submission out of Ty Alexander with simultaneous face-to-crotch headscissors and a Boston Crab. Tag team wrestling done so, so right in this match.
Sexiest Match
Talk about open to interpretation. Actually, I suspect most of us gauge this category based on how successfully a match got us off. So that means the criteria is extremely subjective, and guessing who may win seems incredibly difficult.
Fuck, this match is sexy. Ty is nobody’s jobber in walking this pornboy through his pro wrestling paces. The match is explicitly and directly about sexual conquest from well before these two even make it to the ring. Surprisingly deep when it comes to the wrestling drama, this is an outstanding entry into the X-Fight lexicon.
Total newbie Calvin Haynes likes the look of Christian Taylor, so he initiates the hottest foreplay on the planet: wrestling. This is another erotic-forward match packed with the drama of two gorgeous, hot studs so obviously turned on by each other. The pool wrestling is brutal. The towel off is tender. And the bedroom wrestling finale is a magnificent combination of both.
At the beginning of the match, I thought this “loser gets shaved” things was a little gimmicky. About halfway through, in the middle of gallons of sweat, I was stunned by the intensity and balls out seriousness of the wrestling. By the end, this has always been about hot, steamy, lush passion, with a little side serving of tender loving to give it that sweet finish. I think this is my second place choice for Sexiest Match this year, but buckle up, because this is not the last you’ll see of Drake in this category.
That’s right, sabotaging his own success as only Drake can, he’s competing against himself for Sexiest Match in Ring Releases 4. Incredibly compelling match with equal parts scream queens, Hitchcock, and Bel Ami. My only complaint is Drake’s gear, which mercifully gets ripped off him soon enough in the match.
Hands down, the sexiest match of the year for me was Matmen 26, between Drake and Skrapper. The match is so aggressive. It’s so intense and brutal and it careens like a runaway train into sweat soaked erotic passion so authentically. I don’t think we see nearly enough full naked wrestling in this homoerotic industry, so the portion of the match that keeps charging ahead well after they both lose their gear is so satisfying. Even though I’m a big fan of both of these boys, this match took me by surprise by how totally compelling it was, and the erotic tension from start to finish is superb.
This match is what happens when you put a big, bulging pro wannabe in a ring with a bigger, more bulging, sensationally seasoned pro. The story practically tells itself, though you have to watch it to get the bait and switch that Kelly sells so remarkably successfully. Biff suffers so sensationally that it brings a tear to my eye. This is my second favorite ring match of the year.
Again, if you want an outstanding ring match, toss two extremely experienced indy pros into the BG East ring and insist they battle until one of them wins with a 10 count. Guido and Dolph classed up the place when it comes to quality ring wrestling and pro brutality. I love the grit and egos and battle of wills. Endurance sport with thoroughbreds like this is rare and gorgeous to watch.
And then there’s that magic again that you get when you toss a beefcake wrestling wannabe in the ring with a seasoned pro heel. I always, always have a bias toward homoerotic wresting that’s more homoerotic, so this is my second favorite ring match on the ballot. Bigger than life. Beautiful as hell.
Again, my vote goes to the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19. From the opening sequence in which Charlie Evans introduces himself to BG East by perfectly executing a Ginger Snap, to the corner to corner melodrama between the teams, to the magnificent intramural contest between Team Vanity to get their opponents to name which of them hurts them worse, to Chase’s Will Breaker, to this Beauty and Beast double team combo (by the good guys, no less), this match is packed with classic pro tag team wrestling with just the right amount of homoerotic flair to make me recognize it as our own.
And then there’s what comes from throwing two pretty boys who we’ve watched grow into this business tear into each other. I don’t think of either JJ or Chace as naturals in the ring, which makes the pace and power of this ring match such a pleasant surprise. Not nearly as homo or erotic as TTT19, still there’s a big BGE stamp on this match that comes from the way these two have developed under the guiding hand of the Boss.
And now, for your consideration, the combo of an experienced indy pro jobbing for yet another pretty boy who we’ve watched grow into a magnificent BG East-style pro. I’d almost considered voting for this on the off chance that giving more praises to matches in which Kirk gets clobbered would inspire more of the same in the future. But you don’t have to carry my grudge against Howdy Doody to see a lot to like in this match, not least of which is hot muscle domination, buckets of sweat, and big vs.little boy bashing.
Best Squash
My least favorite category, so I’ll say the least about it. I do love a good squash on rare occasions. Not nearly as often as a lot of you, clearly, because the industry pumps out so many more squashes than I can consume. But sure, on occasion, a one-sided total mauling of one hunk by another hits some sweet notes to savor.
Kip squashed like a bug. Gorgeous. I still say that Flash LaCash is far prettier than he seems to get credit for. But it’s hard to focus on the pretty when he’s such a devastatingly effective muscle heel.
You had me at “Kid Karisma.” If anyone can carry a squash narrative and keep me engaged, it’s Kid K. He is a fucking BEAST in this match. I’d say more, but it would mostly be about Kid K’s body. This would be my second choice for this category, if pressed to have one.
My vote goes to Trey and Thrash for a few reasons. First, Trey Dixon is a god. Doomed, but a god. Thrash is outstandingly compelling. He’s another incredible debut that could easily have deserved a spot on the ballot there as well. And finally, Thrash destroys Trey in order to own him. A lack of motivation sinks most squashes for me, so when Thrash starts signaling where all this beauty bashing is heading, I’m hooked. Fuck, more Thrash. More Trey Dixon. Please.
Maybe this is my second choice. I don’t know. I will say this match turned me into a big Kelly King fan. Huge push to Biff’s consideration for Top Jobber.
I have no idea what motivates Cybertron. He’s a magnificent specimen of a man, but honestly, he won this match against Mister E about 45 seconds in. But he doesn’t stop. Why is that? Why don’t I “get” squashes more than I do?
Okay, maybe this is my second place. Whatever. I will say that it’s a little shocking that these two sensational physiques got completely shut out of the body part categories. Though I did put Viggo up for my personal “Best Legs” contest. In any case, massive, mega squash, pretty on pretty.
You just have a few days left to cast your ballot for the best of BG East in 2016. Get on it! Still deciding? Let’s look at a couple more categories in this completely unofficial and totally biased voter’s guide.
Jobber of the Year
While I think we tend to reach a quick consensus about what a heel is, I think there’s a mushy definition of a jobber. Of course, the Besties don’t come with a definition of the categories, so you’re free to vote based on whatever inclination you have about what constitutes a jobber. I think of a jobber as a wrestler who is quite likely to lose his matches, even when the objective measures of likely success (experience, strength, skill) probably swing his direction. I think of a particularly accomplished jobber as one that not only loses, but sells it, suffering openly, accentuating the devastating moves of his opponent, conveying the melodrama of the ring by openly telegraphing every soul crushing, ego busting, dignity stealing moment in a way that elevates the story from fleeting fantasy to knock on the door of brutal reality. I think of skilled jobbers as those who make me wince a little when they scream out, whimper, or choke on the pain. A dominating opponent (whether heel or not) dishes up the dominating moves and holds. A skilled jobber serves it to us in its most delicious presentation possible. Like I said, though, you can cast your vote based on whatever definition or standards you look for in a Top Jobber. In any case, here are your choices.
Ty Alexander
Ty Alexander is back in contention to defend the title of Top Jobber that he won last year. In 2016, he wrestled in X-Fights 41, X-Fights 40, 3-Way Thrash 4, Tag Team Torture 19, and Demolition 19. While he wasn’t a jobber in all of those (particularly X-Fights 41), Ty once again got his ass crushed persistently, and his already outstanding skills at selling his own degradation have only improved with time. He regularly shows flashes of brilliance and dangerousness, which makes him a particularly compelling jobber for me. He doesn’t just get squashed. He gets conquered, beaten down into place, and he withers and writhes and sucks on his own humiliation beautifully. He was my pick for Top Jobber last year, and I have to say he’s head and shoulders above the rest of the field again this year, as far as I’m concerned.
Biff Farrell
Biff Farrell enters the race as the only full-on muscle jobber. Biff wrestled in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches in 2016. Like Ty, Biff is always dangerous. He isn’t a jobber because he’s instantly vulnerable and helpless. He sells a match because opponents have to work at it. They have to penetrate his impressive defenses. Biff makes them hurt along the way, but surely, inevitably it seems, his defenses do get penetrated. And then all those massive muscles start quivering and quaking and amounting to jack shit as his opponents beat the living fuck out of him like Stretch Armstrong. Personally, I’d love to see Biff turn the corner and shed the jobber mantle, because I think BG East could use some more full-on babyface heroes who can hold their own and keep the villains from taking it all for granted. But Biff has proven to be a huge talent in jobbing, and he has a ton of fans, so I suspect his unique set of assets could give Ty a run for his money this year.
Drake Marcos
Drake Marcos keeps getting nominated, but I would argue he’s quickly growing out of his jobber ways. In 2016, Drake wrestled in Undagear 25, 3-Way Thrash 4, Sexy Showdown 7, Matmen 26, and Ring Releases 4. I admit that I have often (and recently) teased Drake about being a jobber, but just between you and me, that’s mostly just because it gets a rise out of him. If we’re being honest, I think his 3-Way Thrash 4 match was the only one that I’d consider him a jobber in. In the rest, he’s too dangerous. He’s too competitive. While he continues to sell suffering in a league all his own, and despite the ongoing scarcity of checks in his victory column, he’s just too competitive anymore for me to entirely buy the inevitability of his defeat. Check out Sexy Showdown 7 and you’ll see what I mean. I’m hoping we see the Cheshire Cat really come into his own in 2017, not just making opponents look good, but shocking and awing his way into the respect he deserves, but has not been getting, including from me (well, mostly from me).
Mr. E
It’s hard to argue with the fact that Mr. E is a jobber through and through. In 2016, he wrestled in Masked Destroyers 1 and Demolition 21. When it comes to getting completely crushed, Mr. E is your man. He takes the high impact moves like nobody else. If there were levels to defeat, his would be the defeated-est of them all. The two knocks against him for the title this year, I think, are that he’s nearly in the realm of a doormat, and I don’t sense he has a huge following. I tend to think of Mr. E matches more like watching his opponents hitting the weights at the gym. They work out, flex, show off their muscles, and Mr. E is mostly just the relatively passive gym equipment. I’d love to see this kid rip off that mask and show us a few moves he’s picked up over the years of getting trounced. In the mean time, he’s a total jobber, just, possibly, too much so.
Kirk Donahue
Kirk Donahue seems like a legitimate threat to unseat Ty as Top Jobber this year. Kirk wrestled in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18. Personally, I love watching him get his fair-to-middling quality ass beat over and over and over again, so his staking out territory in jobberville suits me just fine. He’s nearly too competitive, too accomplished to quite fit the jobber crown. He has more than a few flashes of brilliance when it comes to offense. But he also carries an undeniable vulnerability with him. He’s on the skinny side. His smirky cuteness is like a giant “hit me” sign stapled to his forehead. And that big, impressive bulge I’m voting for conveys a sense of inherent jeopardy to him. And when conquered, as he is consistently, his suffering is magnificent. My favorite move is when he’s dazed, totally fucked up, not knowing up from down, and he starts crawling for the door to get the fuck out of there. So when his opponent drags him by his hair back for more gratuitous violence, his screaming horror is simply gorgeous. I know he has indy pro fans, but I don’t know if there’s a big crossover of those guys and BG East fans. He’s a worthy candidate, but I have to think he’s a long shot.
Kip Sorell
Kip Sorell got steamrolled in 2016. He wrestled in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2. When it comes to the air of inevitability about his undoing, he’s got it in spades. The first time I see him not get squashed like a bug on a windshield, I will be deeply surprised. His salesmanship is decent, but not outstanding, particularly in this very accomplished field of candidates. He is ridiculously pretty, though, now isn’t he? And in Bestie voting, pretty seems to carry a whole lot of weight. Don’t get me wrong. I’d like to dip him in chocolate sauce and lick him clean. But I just don’t see him as making the most compelling case as Top Jobber this year.
Debut of the Year
Now things get really, really interesting. Yesterday I said that I thought the Top Heel category was the most competitive, perhaps the Best Body category coming in a close second. Debut of the Year is making a seriously hard run at the most competitive race, I have to think, because there were some sensational, highly memorable debuts this year for several young hunks who instantly grabbed fans by the balls. I love this race because it highlights the range of new talent BG East continues to recruit, from twinks to bears to boys to daddies, you could simply find your favorite kink and vote for that. If you take the category more seriously, though, you have to admit that there were several outstanding debuts leaving fans seriously hungry to see what these hunks accomplish in their sophomore year.
Chase Addams
Chase Addams gets my vote for the debut of the year. He debuted in Tag Team Torture 19, and accomplished what very well may be a first in the business by immediately following up his debut match with a second match on the same DVD. I think featuring the same debut wrestler twice on one DVD is rare because newbies are so often a little weak in story telling. Newbies can be a little flat, a little light on personality, so putting them in back to back matches could easily draw attention to their.. .newbie-ness. Chase didn’t just hold his own in both his tag team debut and singles debut on the same release. He nailed it. We’ve got back story (“discovered” by Ty, brought into the business as the next generation of pro wrestling narcissists), and we’ve got character development (egos burn Team Vanity to the ground, and Chase wears his former mentor out in a barnburner grudge match). And that doesn’t even start to appreciate that Chase showed up, day one, with crazy ass torturous pro holds and a jaw dropping (literally) finisher. And, sure, I’m biased because Chase gave me his first interview and charmed the pants off me (again, literally). He’s young, lean, and hungry, and I think that the competition at BG East had better watch their backs when Chase enters the room.
Calvin Haynes
Calvin Haynes caught a lot of attention in his debut this year in Wet & Wild 8, following it up a couple of catalogs later with getting absolutely dissected in Hunkbash 18. With that jawline and those muscles, Calvin could be a major threat in the babyface category for years to come. His debut against Christian Taylor was particularly charming for the erotic text. As a fresh, hot newbie, Calvin was unblinkingly explicit about his sexual interest in Christian. He wanted a piece of that dazzlingly pretty babyface, and he brought all of that hot and hairy muscle to the pool to earn it. My impression is that Calvin caught a lot of fans’ eyes, in no small part thanks to his muscled ass and big, bulging bulge (particularly when things turn intimately hot against Christian). There are simply not enough hot, hairy, musclebound pin-up boys in this business, and Calvin is a breath of fresh air. I’m guessing this may turn into a three-way race between Calvin, Chase, and …
Beauxregard
Beauxregard nearly burned the ring up in his debut in 2016. He bookended the year with an initial debut in X-Fights 40 and then following up in the final catalog of the year with Dark Knights 13. I know that fans love him already. He’s massively muscled and hard as granite. He has a rock hard jaw and a deep, 6-packs a day rumbling bass. Just the look on Ty Alexander’s face when big Beaux stepped into the BG East ring for the first time said it all. This guy is instantly a phenomenon. He’s conveyed a lot less backstory than Chase. He isn’t as pretty as Calvin. But he’s a big, terrorizing muscle daddy from day one, which I know makes him a hot commodity among a major segment of fans. I would guess that either he, Calvin, or Chase will take the title.
Nino Leone
Babyboy Leone showed up out of nowhere at the very end of 2016 and put up an incredibly hot debut in Sexy Showdown 7. He’s super lean and super gorgeous, and fur fans are wetting themselves over his Wolverine-esque coat. What particularly impressed me was just how game he was to work his ass off to stay competitive with a bigger, badder, much more experienced opponent. I get the impression that Bambino has just one speed, full throttle, and he didn’t waste a second of his debut figuring out whether this underground pro stuff is “real.” He just dug in deep and made himself at home on the mat, and all over every inch of Drake Marcos’ body. We already know he’s sly. Count him out and turn your back, and you’ll get your chest shaved (right Drake?). He’s not the only super lightweight newbie in this race, though, so between vote splitting and his hot off the presses debut, I’m guessing he’s a very long shot for taking this title. Fortunately for him, I’m sure One Direction would always take him back if this wrestling thing does pan out.
Charlie Evans
I first started interacting with Charlie Evans over a year ago, so he seems like an upperclassman in a field of plebes. However, it’s true that he debuted for BG East in Tag Team Torture 19 and then followed up in The Great Outdoors 2. Like Chase, Charlie did me the honor of granting me a newbie interview, and he had me rolling on the floor laughing. Also like Chase, Charlie is a devoted fan of pro wrestling as an institution. He knows the assets and liabilities he brings into a match, and he has a clear plan for using them both to his advantage. His earnestness and forthrightness have quickly earned him a fan following, and I suspect they very well could earn him a nod for Best Babyface in coming years. He takes a beating like no one else in this race, which could foreshadow some time in jobber purgatory in the near future, but honestly, I think Charlie’s fullest potential would be to take his super sexy, super lightweight body and slay some giants. He’s smooth and ginger to Nino’s hirsute and Mediterranean, so perhaps there may not be vote splitting there, after all. He has a solid social media presence already, which definitely could play into his favor. I still think he’s a long shot to pull ahead of Chase, Calvin and Beaux, but what do I know?
Payton Meadows
Okay, this will be the last time I say how delighted I am not be the only one captivated by gorgeous newbie Payton Meadows. His debut came in Undagear 25 early in the year, and his follow up occurred late in the year in Undagear 26. I know there’s a huge (you might say, swelling) base of fans for the drop dead gorgeous underwear model variety of wrestler like Payton. If you switch from still frame to video evidence, you’ll discover he is even sexier in motion. And as long as you have the volume on, you’ll also discover that he is a hilarious smart ass. There’s something extra sexy about even classic underground wrestling tropes delivered with a sultry, French Canadian accent, and happily, this clever hottie doesn’t just stick with the classics. If you’re committed to vote for the muscley pin-up boy type, but don’t like them hairy, then toss Calvin aside and saddle up with Team Payton. Even though pretty is so often king, I think Payton is a long shot for this title because his actual debut didn’t generate nearly as much buzz as his follow up, and I just don’t think the underwear model fans have quite fully discovered the magic that is Payton. Nonetheless, I’m praying to the homoerotic wrestling gods that 2017 is an even bigger year for him, and we get to see that phenomenal body, magnificent ass, and razor sharp wit in action much, much more.
So that’s my take on these categories. Don’t hate me if you disagree. Just make a compelling case for your picks in the comments below.
Continuing down your BG East Best of 2016 ballot, let’s give a long, hard look at the candidates for the next two categories.
Best Body
This is such a brutal category. We could kvetch for days about the ambiguity of those two simple words: best and body. I’ve heard from a few corners a call for more diverse types of bodies for voting, which I get, and I agree with. If I’ve learned nothing else from blogging about homoerotic wrestling for nearly 8 years, I’ve learned that there is a huge range to what turns us on, collectively speaking. Well, this year the nominating committee landed on what I think is a nice range, and in yet another shocker (to me at least), Chace LaChance was not nominated, and thus won’t be eligible to defend his title. Still, this is a very competitive race in which you are sure to find someone who blows your… mind.
Beauxregard
Muscling his way into yet another best of category in 2016 is on-fire newbie Beauxregard. Beauxregard debuted in X-Fight 40 and also appeared in Dark Knights 13. He’s a mountain of muscle. I’m infatuated with his lower leg tats. I’m in awe of his monster cock. He’s a magnificent specimen built for the sole purpose of destroying other men and fucking them into oblivion. As I said when discussing his chances at winning Best Abs, I don’t know if he has the fan following yet to power him ahead of some of the other nominees. And if the plurality still swings for fitness model pretty, Beaux’s in trouble. But this is a year for upsets, now, isn’t it?
Van Sklyer
The nominating committee most definitely likes the looks of Van Sklyer, considering he’s been nominated for every “body” category, including Best Body. Again, Van only appeared in Undagear 26, just barely squeezing that match in before 2016 was up. But no doubt, he makes a big, big impression with that gorgeous body of his. He’s got total pin-up boy potential, and there isn’t an angle of him that isn’t stunningly pretty. And, of course, the face is part of the body, so those bedroom eyes and lush, thick, suckable lips have to be factored into the equation. And his ass, and his bulge, but I’ll discuss those later.
Big Barry Burke
Fans who’ve been waiting for a serious muscle monster to vote for Best Body, wait no longer, because Big Barry Burke has squeezed those gargantuan shoulders into this tight, tight field. Barry only showed up in 2016 to Demolish Kip Sorell, but like Van, that one appearance compelled the nominating committee to put him up for Best Body. The sheer size of this beast is argument enough, but I suspect his mass may distract from the fact that he’s got magnificent aesthetics. That huge, that ripped, that proportional from top to bottom. Fantastic mountain of a muscleman. When he isn’t ripping opponents apart limb by limb, he’s actually crazy handsome, as well. He could totally take this, I think, unless the pretty caucus gets behind one candidate.
Kid Karisma
Which brings us to my perennial choice for Best Body, my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma. Kid K wrestled in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18 in 2016. I could not be more infatuated with a body than I am with his. As I mentioned yesterday, Kid K also stands out for the incredible consistency he shows up with, match after match, ripped, bulging, not a hair out of place. If this is a year for pretty and fitness model factions to swing the vote, it’s got to be Kid Karisma. Gingers rule!
Kip Sorell
Of course if it’s painfully pretty you’re after, feel free to check Kip Sorell for Best Body. Kip got demolished in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2 last year. He’s got Superman’s upper body, of course, but I think his weakness is below the waist. Fans eat him up with a spoon, though, and what accounts for “best” may be everything that Kip has in abundance.
Payton Meadows
And again, I’m delightedly stunned to see the committee include Payton Meadows in the mix for Best Body. Payton showed upon the scene in 2016 and wrestled in Undagear 25 and Undagear 26. As I mentioned yesterday, I think he’s established even less traction than fellow newbie nominee Beaux, which makes him a long shot. But just read my rationale for selecting him for my most recent homoerotic wrestler of the month, and you’ll see why I say that if Kid Karisma weren’t in the mix, I’d be spending my precious vote on the French Canadian’s sensational body. Ripped. Dazzlingly gorgeous. Better complexion than Van. Prettier than Kip. If Payton sticks around in 2017, I think he could generate a massive following… particularly in that jock strap.
Best Bulge
The Best Bulge category could similarly be parsed out between various measures of “good.” However, the history of voting in this category has strongly suggested that what fans think of as Best is all about size. Pete Sharp didn’t show his gargantuan pouch at all in 2016, sadly, and it’s been ages since we’ve had the opportunity to marvel at Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!). So feast your eyes on the selection of meat vying for the title in 2016.
Van Sklyer
Yep. Again. Van Skyler made a clean sweep of the physical attribute categories, including taking the pole position (pun intended) for Best Bulge. Let’s be honest here, the part of Van’s body seared into our memories and imaginations isn’t his crotch. However, his bulge is perfectly suited to everything else about him. Proportionate and pretty, he’s swinging pipe, no doubt. He may not have the largest frank and beans in contention, but what he’s got is undeniably tasty.
Guido Genatto
Everything about Guido Genatto is huge, so it could be easy to overlook that his bulge is, as well. Guido wrestled in Biff Farrell’s Wrestler Spotlight, 3-Way Thrash 4, Last Man Standing 2, and Demolition 19. I find it difficult to zoom in on just one aspect of the “Dirty Daddy.” He’s a total package of badassness, muscle belly, edgy/over-the-edge trash talk, and total domination. I’m sure plenty of fans have keyed off on his daddy bulge, though, and he seems to be one of those characters who can do no wrong in his fans eyes. So perhaps this is his year to take home Best Bulge.
Jonny Firestorm
Jonny Firestorm’s bulge is legendary. I think I once read an interview with Kid Leopard in which he named Jonny as possessing one of the biggest cocks in the business. In 2016, Jonny wrestled in 3-Way Thrash 4, 3-Way Thrash 3, Ring Wars 25, and Hunkbash 18. I think Jonny could be the dark horse in this field, primarily based on the rabid fan following his has systematically built over the years.
Ethan Andrews
Ethan Andrews has a HUGE claim to make for the title of Best Bulge. Ethan only wrestled in Undagear 25 in 2016, which could make him relatively forgettable in the minds of voters, if it weren’t for the fact that he has a massive underground wrestling following that stretches across at least 3 or 4 different production companies. Oh, and that behemoth in his pouch. That’s just fucking hard to forget. He’s lean, which may help his gargantuan bulge seem that much more massively huge, but any way you stack it up against the competition (which sounds like fun), Ethan’s bulge has got to be one of, if not the, biggest of the bunch.
Biff Farrell
Biff Farrell is another surprise contender for the title of Best Bulge, in my estimation. was busy in 2016 wrestling in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches. Honestly, when reading the ballot, I thought to myself, “Does Biff have a particularly impressive bulge?” In researching this voter’s guide, I discovered, yes, yes he does. I think this is another case of big, big muscles distracting from a very hefty pouch. His trunks don’t always accentuate this aspect of his assets, but knowing the army of Biff’s fans ready to rally to his cry, he could very well be a strong contender for Best Bulge.
Kirk Donahue
My vote for Best Bulge is going to go to Kirk Donahue, and not solely so that I can tauntingly report that he’s a huge dick. He swung that pipe in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18 in 2016. And that bulge was eye catching, even for someone like me fixated on watching his ass getting beat. There I am, over and over, reveling in his smart ass, sugary sweet smirk getting rubbed off, preferably with his opponent’s ass, and I keep getting distracted by that gargantuan bulge! Honestly, my enjoyment of watching him take a beating aside, for a babyface indy pro, Kirk’s got a seriously magnificent bulge that only one audience could appreciate to it’s fullest: you and me.
And if you think the biggest surprises are behind us, just wait!
I love how the energy picks up when the ballots are made available for BG East’s annual year-end “Best Of” awards. They dropped yesterday, and there’s already a flurry of activity, back room dealing, out and out lobbying, and possible bribery on the table. There’s something so quintessentially pro wrestling about the depths these awards drag us into. The link to the ballot is available in the banner of the BG East homepage, however, it looks like at least some mobile device browsers may not be able to view it, so you can go there directly from this link. You’ve got until midnight of next Thursday, January 12, to register your opinions.
It’s a very robust field of nominees this year. Six candidates for almost every category, and the field is packed with a nice range. Last year I ran out of time to handicap the entire ballot, so I’m going to try to move more quickly this time to take a look at the range of bests at BG East in the service of informing voters not so familiar with all of the candidates. Even at first glance, I’m seeing some major surprises in who is, and who is not, on the ballot, so fasten your seat belts and let’s start this voter’s guide to the BG East Besties. For today, let’s take a look the first two categories.
Top Babyface
The first category you’ll find on the ballot this year is for babyface. Jake Jenkins has OWNED this category for the past 4 years running. I think Jake’s possession of this title may be the longest streak in the history of the Besties. But he’s up against stiff, stiff competition this year, and I’m not just talking about Christian Taylor’s lovely erection in Wet & Wild 8. Let’s take a look at the field.
Defending Title Holder – Jake Jenkins
Jake wrestled in 3 matches released by BG East in 2016: Undagear 25, Chace LaChance’s Wrestler Spotlight, and Catch-weight 7. I’ve been a huge JJ fan from the very beginning. He’s dominant on the mats, dangerous in the ring, and totally convinced (often rightfully so) that his strength, speed, and skill will be more than a match for any and every opponent. He’s got to be the odds on favorite to win again, and I’m teetering on spending my vote on either JJ or one other particular candidate vying to unseat him this year.
Biff Farrell
My hunch is that Jake’s biggest competition, both literally and figuratively, is likely big, bulging, blue-eyed beefcake Biff Farrell. Biff starred in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches. The most productive candidate, Biff also commands an army of nearly rabid fans who savor every bulge and bounce, every muscle and move that Biff possesses. So many wrestlers have worn the stars and stripes, but Biff has nearly made them his signature gear, which makes a strong case for his upstanding, patriotic, Protestant work ethic credentials as a babyface. While I’ve always bought stock in big Biff, this year he isn’t on my short list for this category, but I know for a fact he’s on a whole lot of fans’ lists.
Christian Taylor
Christian Taylor is the babyface beauty who is tempting me to abandon my loyalties to Jake this year. Christian wrestled in Mat Hunks 10, Tag Team Torture 19, Undagear 26, and Wet & Wild 8. I agree with a recent comment I noticed online that called Christian out for possibly being the prettiest penny in BG East’s pocket… ever. He’s earnest without being uptight. His coverboy good looks disguise his seriously dangerous potential in the ring, on the mats, and in the pool. And if there’s anything that just might tip my vote Christian’s way this year, it very well may be the good natured, entirely enthusiastic way he seals off 90% of his matches, win or lose, with a kiss.
Kip Sorell
Living anatomy chart Kip Sorell is always in the thick of things when it comes to fan favorite babyfaces. Kip got demolished in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2. I do think he may have the babiest of baby faces in contention this year. There’s something sort of intoxicating about possessing the face of an 18 year old (at most) and the body of a 25 year old go-go boy. He’s been cannon fodder pretty much from start to finish in his career, this year in particular. I think of him more as a practice dummy than an earnest young babyface hero, but I know full well that there’s plenty of support to push him into contention as top babyface in 2016.
Trey Dixon
Trey Dixon was one of my hottest stock picks of 2015. He was nearly MIA in 2016, however, wrestling only in Masked Destroyers 1. The living model of the Oscars statue is sex on two legs, as far as I’m concerned, and if the category was which wrestler I’d like to give an all over tongue bath to, Trey would most likely win walking away. But he was devastatingly thrashed in his one and only match of 2016, and it’s hard to see him pulling this one out against so many much more productive, hard working, nose to the grindstone babyfaces. I’m sending up a prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we get to see much, much more of Trey in 2017.
Kirk Donahue
Kirk Donahue is back, this time making a case for being Top Babyface in the company. Kirk wrestled in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18. I’ve made no bones about my antipathy toward Kirk. It was his shocking, nay, scandalous entry into these very Bestie nominations just two years ago that started me wanting to see this smirking Howdy Doody get his ass beat again and again. Truthfully, he probably does fall into the babyface category nicely, and he’s a phenomenal wrestler with an awesome capacity for soaking up punishment. I honestly don’t know the depth of his fan following, probably because I start bitching loudly about those shenanigans two years ago, shouting down any other opinions, anytime anyone brings him up in conversation. He’s hot shit, no doubt, but I think he’s a long shot for the title of Top Babyface, and that’s not just my longstanding grudge talking.
Best Abs
The Best Abs award has been changing hands in the last few years. Last year, it was Kip Sorell sending shock waves through the industry by ripping the title away from juggernaut and general of an army of fans, Z-Man. Well prepare for another shocker, because NO ONE who has every won this title in the past even broke into the top 6 contenders this year. Kip, Z-Man, Eli, sit the fuck down. There’s going to be a new sheriff in town before this is all over.
Beauxregard
I am shocked shitless that newbie Beauxregard made it onto this extremely competitive ballot! Beauxregard debuted in X-Fight 40 and also appeared in Dark Knights 13. There was a collective gasp heard round the internet when this muscle freak started flexing his insanely built body in the BG East ring. Spines started tingling when that gravelly base voice started making opponents’ knees quiver. And I know I’m not the only one who got lightheaded at the first look of his monster cock. Based on past performance, my sense is that voters tend toward ripped and pretty when they vote for this category. Beaux’s abs are unquestionably granite hard, and he’s taken several dozen punches to the gut in just two matches, amounting to fuck all for his opponents, other than bruised knuckles. Still, I think the newbie is a long shot for this title, this year, based on a relative nascent fan base.
Lon Dumont
Regular readers know how I feel about Lon Dumont, namely, profoundly aroused and perpetually at the ready with a bottle of baby oil to worship him. Lon only wrestled in Demolition 19 in 2016, but his conditioning in that match was spectacular. Every year, I lobby hard for this pro wrestler turned competitive bodybuilder turned pro wrestler turned competitive bodybuilder to get the praise his magnificent physique and outstanding wrestling deserves. My vote is definitely leaning Lon’s way once again, and with past winners shut out of nominations, maybe this is Lon’s year to take the title.
Van Skyler
If this is the year that pretty wins the day, then it very well could be Van Skyler dazzling his way into the title. Van’s one and only appearance in 2016 was in Undagear 26. I don’t think of Van’s abs when I think of which parts of his show-stopping physique I most desperately need to worship, but no one can argue that his incredibly lean, taut, tight abs are perfectly suited to his lean, taught, tight everything else. My sense is that Van is quickly growing a very strong fan caucus that would vote for him for absolutely anything, so he very well might pull out an upset aided by those lush, pouty lips and that jaw dropping ass. I named him first runner up for possessing the best back of 2016, but there’s no Bestie for that.
Kid Karisma
Kid Karisma’s abs, like the rest of his physique, are persistently and perpetually impeccable. Kid K wrestled in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18, and his level of fitness is both phenomenal and a constant. There’s a reason I’ve kept my title of favorite homoerotic wrestler dialed into Kid K for so long now. Well, there are several, but one of them is his spectacular body. I’m jumping the gun when I say that he continues to be my hands down, no other possible choice for Best Body, head to toe. He also may, possibly, sway my wavering hand to vote his way instead of Lon’s, but it’s incredibly close.
Chace LaChance
I’m guessing that the odds on favorite to take the title this year is likely last year’s Best Body winner, Chace LaChance. Chace wrestled in Gazebo Grapplers 18,Catch Weight 7, and in 3 matches for his Wrestler Spotlight feature. Chace has a ton of quickdraw fans who enjoy studying his incredibly sexy body probably even a tad more than they like watching his wrestling. My only ding against Chace is that there are 3 different versions of his abs that showed up in 2016 products. I’m certain that it’s more an artifact of the way that BG East releases matches out of chronological order, so I’m sure it’s entirely unfair of me to knock Chace for it, but unlike, for example, Kid K, Chace’s conditioning and the particular presentation of his abs vary from match to match (even within his Wrestler Spotlight matches). His abs are never unsexy. I’d like to saddle up to that torso and pound one out on his go-go boy body, his bruiserweight belly, and his fitness model six-pack. Maybe there’s something foreshadowing about the fact that he ended the year by beating the living fuck out of the inaugural title holder. I won’t be surprised at all if Chace wins, regardless of where my vote goes.
Payton Meadows
The last shocker in this category is my latest crush, newbie sex bomb Payton Meadows. Like Beauxregard, Payton debuted in 2016, wrestling first in Undagear 25 and then closing out the year with his highly combustible performance in Undagear 26, for which I just yesterday awarded him myHomoerotic Wrestler of the Month title. I say Payton’s appearance on the ballot is a shocker not because his abs aren’t out of this world, but because my sense has been his debut didn’t put him on a lot of radars, and the buzz about his late year match has only just really started. All of that said, going back to my earlier supposition that this title is typically based on equal parts ripped and pretty, Payton could very well be a strong contender. I still say the timing is off for him to take the title this year, but if his performance in Undagear 26 moves you even 1/10 as much as it moved me, I could easily understand how this French Canadian exhibitionist could talk you into voting “oui!” for his abs.
Like I said, I’m wavering here and there about where my votes will go, so comment below to let me know who you think deserves to win.
Sidelineland 