Holy shit on a cracker! I just enjoyed the profound pleasure of watching one of Jonny Firestorm’s new releases, just in time to treat yourself for Black Friday. Squirreled away in Bundle #2 is a dazzlingly sexy 2-on-1 match, pitting Jonny and heel protege (!?) Kip Sorell executing the sexiest Grindr hookup in history with Christian Taylor.

“You look a little different on your Grindr profile, I’m not going to lie,” Jonny says when Christian steps into the ring with them. Can someone please, please screenshot me Christian’s Grindr profile? Because I’m not sure what that means, because…fuuuuuck… he is as sexy as he’s ever been, as far as I’m concerned. He’s got a 5 o’clock shadow that’s making me feel all sorts of new things about him. And he absolutely TOWERS over Jonny and Kip. I don’t think I’d ever quite realized how short Kip is, or perhaps how tall Christian is, until now, and the contrast is outrageously sexy.

This is a total squash (buyer beware, if that’s not what you’re shopping for). But fuck, the intensity remains super high throughout the entire 29 minutes. Apparently Jonny has handpicked Kip to be his new heel protege, and fuck it all if I’m suddenly convinced that that HAS to happen! I’ve honestly never seriously considered Kip’s heel turn potential until this moment, but put Jonny’s masterful hands on the task, and fuck… of COURSE devastatingly hot Kip would make a sizzling pretty boy heel!

They double-team Christian almost the entire time, and it’s gorgeous and absolutely artful. “I think you had something different in mind when I said my partner and I were looking for a threesome,” Jonny jokes. Oh fucking damn, Christian answered a Grindr call for a threesome, and showed up for this!? So many reasons to stay diligent on Grindr, my friends!

Every double-team hold is homoerotic sculpture. The mixture of the three different super sexy bodies turns me on harder and harder each moment of the match. One of my favorite moments is relatively early on, while Christian is still screaming and writhing and begging a lot. Jonny has tied his wrists behind his back, for absolutely no good reason other than increase Christian’s terror. Jonny rolls him into face-to-crotch headscissors and smothers him, burying his face in the legendary bulge and keeping him there with a handle on his hair. At the same time, Kip grabs him by the ankles and shoves the ball of his foot up Christian’s ass. Fuck me, I’ve got to push pause and rewind.

“Are you worthy to be our third,” Jonny asks, now with Christian smothering in Kip’s face-to-crotch, while Jonny tortures his back in a crab variation. “Yes. YES!” Christian screams, and I’m not quite sure if it’s begging for reprieve, or his desperation to join this threesome in earnest. I like to think it’s the latter. “Do you think you’re worthy,” Jonny demands. “Because all you do is whine like a fucking bitch!”

I’m so excited to see Kip warm up to heeling, torturing Christian’s nipples, throttling Christian’s cock, and smiling in delight as he does it. There’s this spontaneous moment where Jonny is pitching and in control, and Kip is taking a quick breather, admiring the scene or total humiliation in front of him, when Kip seems to be unable to restrain himself from leaning over and landing a cracking slap across Christian’s tortured, handsomed, hirsuite face. Damn, Kip, I am buying this!!!

Lovely, LOVELY action from all three veterans of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. The dynamic duo heels leave Christian tied up, hanging from the ropes, passed out from pain. “Let’s go get a bite to eat, and we’ll come back for him later,” Jonny grins as the climb through the ropes. Fuck, yes. Best Grindr hookup EVER!