Lorenzo Lowe – Sidelineland

Welcome to the Jungle

March 3, 2015March 3, 2015 wrestlebard3 Comments

LJL — Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe – 135 lbs, 5’5″

If there was a breakout winner in the BG East Best of 2014 poll, I think it had to be Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe. LJL wasn’t on the radar in the individual categories, and yet starred in the best mat match, sexiest match, and best overall match of year. I remember when I first saw young LJL debut in Eli Black’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD. I made a comment to someone with insightful taste in homoerotic wrestling that I thought Victor Paz was the breakout newbie star of that DVD. No, I was firmly corrected, it was absolutely LJL (just LL, at that time), who was destined to hit it big. How right they were! Though I would still love to see much more of sizzling hot Victor…

LJL2 — Tim had better take this jungle boy seriously!

Lorenzo “Jake’s” appeal is both obvious and subtle, I think. Boyishly handsome, lean and phenomenally limber, he’s a pleasure in still frame. And that ass is sizzlingly hot! But LJL’s charms really kick into high gear in motion. He has a calm, steady confidence about him. Before he makes a move, he telegraphs a calculating maturity that contrasts beautifully with his youthful suppleness. There’s no wasted motion, no prodigal showiness. The match begins and LJL punches his time card (and typically his opponent’s clock) and gets down to business.

In his most recent appearance taking on Tim Messina in Gazebo Grapplers 17, LJL gets down to business quickly and with devastating effect. His jungle boy loin cloth is sexy as hell, but inspires little more than contempt from hot stuff Messina. Tim has the edge in height and weight. As he looks down at the jungle boy bouncing on the balls of his feet in front of him, he clearly thinks he’s got this in the bag. Gimmicks are for chumps, right? If you need a leopard print loin cloth to sell yourself on the mat, you must be a jobber right? Wait, did I say leopard print loin cloth?

LJL3 — Tim learns quickly that Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe is no gimmick.

Poor, poor Tim Messina. He never seems to see it coming in any of his matches. Here again, he’s caught completely flat footed by the swarming offense of the jungle cat. LJL puts him down to the mat in about 3 seconds and chains together somewhere around 50 or so soul crushing, completely devastating offensive moves before Tim knows what’s hit him. LJL goes to town on the pro stud, slowly positioning his shocked opponent deeper and deeper inside his clutches, sliding him tighter and tighter until Tim’s got his lips pressed firmly between LJL’s lovely cheeks in sensationally sexy headscissors. There’s very little cocky self-congratulations about LJL in control. He’s much more like a chess master, visualizing offense four moves in advance, studying, calculating, recalibrating. But based on the massive helpings of humiliation he dishes out, it’s impossible to miss how pleased he is to prove to yet another bigger opponent that epically huge things can come in small packages.

Tim is no chump, however. Never a chump. I think I’ve read that he has indy pro wrestling experience, which may account for why he’s a bit flat footed to start on the mat in the gazebo. But he’s not about to allow a lightweight jungle boy squash him. Primarily fueled by brute force and bruised ego, he eventually drives LJL back on his heels and mounts a particularly hot offense of his own. Punishing LJL’s beautiful ass is Tim’s road to retribution. He knocks the air out of his opponent’s lungs and then exploits LJL’s vulnerability by draping the jungle stud over the gazebo railing and spanking his ass like the naughty, naughty boy his is! There’s a moment there where I think the indy pro with the bruised ego very well may just saddle up right then and there and ride that beautiful ass into the sunset. But then again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tim go explicitly homoerotic in a match.

LJL8 — By the look on Tim’s face, you get the impression he sort of likes this!

Tim clearly has a taste for upping the ante on when it comes to the humiliating stakes in this match, however. Rocked hard and rolled over to his back, LJL is simply outmuscled as the indy pro folds him over, mounts his face, and rips him apart at the groin. LJL fans who fantasize about everything hiding between the jungle boy’s legs should sit up and take notice, because Tim gives us an all access tour of every inch. He presses LJL to the limit. The jungle boy’s hamstrings quiver, his ankles shoved far outside the gazebo railings. I don’t know how homoerotically explicit Tim’s wrestling dreams may be, but there’s no denying he is getting off on absolutely owning LJL!

As is so often the case, Tim pushes his luck a bit too far bullying and lording it over LJL. Some carefully aimed low blows and a tidal wave of near-feral attacks put the jungle cat in charge again. Pissing off LJL is never a good idea. He makes Tim pay hard and brutally for escalating the war of humiliation, tying him into knots and wiping the mat with his wrung out carcass. Tim does not look like he gets off nearly so much on the receiving end of a total ass whooping as he did pitching. You can pretty much see the phrase, “not again,” written across his furrowed brow as LJL force feeds him the mat. Tim is just not as flexible as his jungle cat opponent, but LJL doesn’t give a shit. He drags every joint far beyond Tim’s tolerances, wrenching out tendon-snapping submissions and desperate screams for mercy. “Gimmick” my ass. There’s something primal and powerful and ripped from the pages of Edgar Rice Burroughs about the way LJL picks his opponent apart, piece by piece.

LJL5 — Victory, and defeat, never tasted so good.

I’m still not sure how homoerotically-inclined Tim may be on any other day, but when this jungle boy lays him out and possesses him body and soul, he certainly doesn’t protest when LJL stretches out over top of him and locks lips. Not that it would matter if he tried to protest. He’s just no match for a 135 pound lightweight “kid” in a leopard print loin cloth. But yeah, Tim Messina isn’t exactly suffering in the end of getting schooled by LJL.

And the winner is…

February 22, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

The awards show that turns my crank this season is of course, the announcement of the BG East Best of 2014 polls. Well, technically there is no “show,” although I think there should be. Hot contenders show up on the red carpet. Winners announced. Rip ‘n’ strip wrestling breaks out all over the place. Me, with a gallon of baby oil, standing nearby to keep things moving along nicely. Short of that, let’s take a look at the matches that rose to the top of the rankings of BG East fans and voters.

drakesexy

For sexiest match, voters swung toward X-Fights 38, with Drake Marcos and Lorenzo Lowe taking it all wonderfully too personally. I don’t have any problem at all with this victory, even though I finally decided it was Trey “Oscar” Dixon and Skrapper who demanded my vote. There’s a major bitter aftertaste to X-Fights 38, with Drake and LJL slapping down hard, angry resentment from start to finish, so voters seem to have a taste for the passionately punished grudge angle on for sexy this year. I totally get that.

cammat

Best Mat Battle was awarded to yet another LJL match, this one against Cameron Matthews in Submissions 9. I could see this coming from a mile way, even though my personal favorite was Drake and Mason’s brutal humiliation session in Passion & Punishment. Cam and LJL are first rate grapplers, stunning contortionist, and damn fine hunks that are a delight to watch, particularly with a liberal coat of sweat dripping off of them. A second Best Mat Battle honor in a row for Cameron, who took the title with Eli Black last year. Total winners.

genattosubmission

Voters picked Demolition 17 for Best Ring Match, with Guido Genatto crushing delectable Jake Jenkins, this year’s (and last year’s, and the year before that) Best Babyface. I’m not surprised my pick, Tag Team Torture 17 didn’t take it, but I am surprised the crowd when this direction. Unlike the best mat battle winner, Demolition 17 was total one-way brutality, which I always assume won’t speak to a significant segment of the voters. I think Z-Man & Kip Sorell have got to be picking their jaws up off the ground to be runners up for this one.

On the other hand, Best Squash winners Jonny Firestorm and Nicholas Rush for their Demo 17 match should just prove never, ever bet against Jonny Firestorm (or his fans). I called Jonny & Nicholas total dark horse contenders in this field, and the majority propelled them to the top of the heap. This is a third Best Squash victory in a row for Jonny who seems to own this category as commandingly as he owns his babyface victims. Which again begs the question for me why, oh why, was he not in contention for Best Heel this year?! I also find all sorts of mixed signals about Demo 17’s Guido v JJ match winning for Best Ring and Best Submissions, but Demo 17’s Jonny v Nicholas pulling out Best Squash. Fascinating, perplexing, but again, I say, another reminder to NOT best against Jonny Firestorm.

As I just mentioned, Demo 17’s Guido v JJ again won in the Best Submissions category. As I’ve also mentioned, I’m not sure about exactly what this category is measuring, but I am surprised that this was the match that won. Guido’s match in Demo 18 against newbie Kirk Donahue featured far more terrifying, humiliating, screaming submissions than this one. Cameron and LJL surely won best mat battle for the incredibly acrobatic and insanely hot and dangerous submissions both accomplished submission wrestlers slapped down on each other. And Wet & Wild 7 had submission flying between 5 different hot, wet hunks, including my personal favorite, Mason’s lips crushed against Trey’s balls poolside in a face-to-crotch headscissors. But Guido & JJ? Fantastic match, but I’m just out of step with the majority/plurality on this one.

Best Liplock was awarded to Gabriel Ross & Christian Taylor in Wrestleshack 18. I called this as an incredibly tight field, which I honestly found completely impossible to handicap. There wasn’t a loser among them, though I was blown over hardest by Drake & Ty in Babyface Brawl X and Trey and Skip in Gear Wars 4. However, I’ve never failed to dehydrate whenever I’ve watched Gabriel or Christian in action, and there’s something appropriate about BG East’s resident kisser-king, Christian, taking home this title. Perhaps the key here is that this was Gabriel’s third taste of this title in a row, having won 2 years ago with his lips attached to Drake Marcos, and last year again with Kid Karisma. Fans clearly love watching Gabriel suck face, and I’d give a kidney to lock lips with Christian.

Looks like Guido & JJ nearly grabbed Best Match Overall, but they were runners up to Cameron & LJL’s Best Mat Battle of the year, Submissions 9. There wasn’t a Best Match Overall category in 2012, but last year this award went to the Aryx Quinn and Alexi Adamov’s Ring Revenge. I’m sort of excited to see this award getting doled out to both mat and ring matches over the years. And I predicted Cam and LJL would take this title, despite my tastes lying with Drake v Mason and Trey v Skrapper.

The Demolition series, and particularly Demo 17, certainly was the big winner this year, with 3 victories. Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe also has to be seen as a major league player for starring roles in Best Mat Battle, Sexiest Match, and Best Match Overall, despite being inexplicably absent from the individual wrestler awards. The other major story here seems to me to be the disconnect between best individual wrestler award winners (particularly Best Heel, Best Jobber, Best Debut) and the match awards.

One thing for sure, it was a stunningly hot, incredibly entertaining year in BG East wrestling! Handicapping the field and now going back to review the winners and losers is reminding me all over again what a sensational body of work BG East produced from start to finish in 2014. Congratulations to all the winners, and if any of the losers need some full contact blogger consolation, just let me know. I’ll be happy to soothe, stroke, or knead out any sore spots you’re nursing. And if you haven’t fully appreciated all of these fine homoerotic wrestling matches, consider taking BG East up on the offer to send them your way for 25% off if you order before the end of the month!

And the nominees are…

February 8, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

Mere hours are left for you to register your votes for the 2014 BG East Besties. The last 4 categories I have to reflect on are what I think of as the most dramatic and titillating. Like saving “best picture” and “best actor in a leading role,” I’ve held off on reflecting on these because these mean most to me in any ways. First up, let’s look at those who sold the most compelling characters this year, beginning with nominees for Top Heel.

morganheel — After a bumpy start in BG East his first go a couple of years ago, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise has been a perennial heel. Vicious, merciless, with no regard for life or limb, much less rules or good taste, he’s very on point at all times. His monologues tend to be constant, regardless of his opponent, and I long for new depths of sadism fro him. But he’s got a ton of fans.

guidoheel — Guido Genatto has a boatload of nominations for Best Ring Match, Best Squash, Best Submissions, Best Overall Match. He doesn’t just heel, he obliterates. He’s a steam roller who delights in cheating because, fuck, who’s going to try to stop him? Definition of a heel.

laneheel — Lane Hartley has so much swagger and he’s so damn pretty, he nearly slides out of heeldom when I picture him in my mind’s eye. He’s relentless and deeply sadistic. He takes great pleasure in the screams and tears of his victims.

karismaheel — My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler Kid Karisma drips with contempt, supremely confident that his muscle and might will roll right over every victim placed in his way. I don’t think of him as a dirty tricks wrestler, because he’s just so fucking dominant, why would he need to rely on cheating? Sadistic as shit, yes, but the top heel?

thunderheel — Cage Thunder is a top shelf heel at all times, even though his appearances in 2014 were scarce. The mask, the body, that awesome cock… everything about him is perfectly tuned to inspire terror. He did what he does fabulously, but with just one match on the books this year, will he claim Top Heel of the year?

Shockingly, the reigning Top Heel the past two years running, Jonny Firestorm, was absent from this year’s slate. Was Jonny’s work somehow less dominant, less dastardly, less sadistic? With him suspiciously out of the way, however, someone is definitely taking the crown for the first time. I’m leaning toward Guido because of both quantity and quality of his matches. His trash talk alone is terrifyingly hot, but his muscle domination and indy pro heel superiority are absolutely soul crushing. I’m guessing fans will break his way or possibly Morgan’s. I think Cage Thunder is a long shot this year solely because he didn’t put up more evidence of his heel mastery in 2014, but he very well could be the sentimental favorite of long-time fans.

Top Jobber is crazy competitive this year. I would argue a jobber is not someone who just gets squashed, but someone who sells that he whole heartedly believes he has a fighting chance, even mounts some offense and keeps the suspense building, but sooner or later, inevitably goes down in crushing defeat. A jobber isn’t a pushover. He’s not a joke. He inhabits a full story arc, even if the outcome is as certain as the sunrise. You and I know a jobber is doomed from the start, but he doesn’t. Let’s take a look at the contenders for this nuanced category.

tyjobber — Ty Alexander has been a house on fire his debut year. I think he’s a clear frontrunner for Debut of the Year, and he quickly developed the narrative of his legitimate skill and enthusiasm doomed to be crushed under foot. At times I wondered if his masochism was too far in front, if he wanted to be beaten so bad that he collapsed the suspension of disbelief. But he assembled an army of fans who I’m sure are behind him (because the view is so damn fine from back there).

kirkjobber — I got harassed for discounting Kirk Donahue’s qualifications to be in the Best Butt contention, so I realize I may be asking for it again when I say that, although he made my crotch stir hard with an epic sell jobbing in 2014, it was just one match. The suspense lasted about 17 seconds before Guido was grinding the kid into pulp, which he sold like a champ, but still, was it enough to say he was Top Jobber for 2014?

jjjobber — Jake Jenkins carries so much water at BG East it’s amazing. Total top tier, multi-award winner babyface, he took major beatings in the ring in 2014 establishing a fantastic claim to be considered Top Jobber. Ignore his mat work. That’s a whole different JJ, and BGE deploys their boys in different genres with entirely different aptitudes. In the ring, though, in those “beat me” American flag trunks, he was an incredible jobber.

ofcourseajobber — Drake started the year first jobbing hard for Mason Brooks and then getting pissy with me for admiring what a hot jobber he is. The handsome jobber fucking HATES being called a jobber, which somehow merely makes it only that much more certain that he’s such… a… JOBBER. To top it off, after searching the ranks of bloggers to find someone he can finally beat, he still ended up in a tree of woe with my heel grinding into his defenseless chest. What a jobber…

kipjobber — Kip Sorell is one tasty muscle jobber. His claim to Top Jobber seems clearer than his contention for Top Babyface, as I mentioned earlier. However, I’m not entirely sure Kip honestly believes at any point leading up to or during any of his matches that he has a snowball’s chance in hell. That makes him blur somewhere between a doomed character in a Greek tragedy (aka, a jobber) and a helpless victim of a mugging/attempted rape (aka, a farce). Fans love him every time he suffers hard, though.

Tough call, with a ton of blurry lines depending on exactly what you think and feel about jobbers in general. Two-time winner Rio Garza was not nominated this year, leaving the field open for a first-timer to be guaranteed the crown. With the fond memory of him out cold, stripped naked, and with his trunks stuffed down his throat in the middle of the ring after coming face to face with a certain blogger, though, I have to punch Drake Marcos’ ticket (once again) for Top Jobber. I think his biggest competition for this one is Ty, with the difference being, in my mind, mainly the certainty that Ty would love to be Top Jobber, while Drake would hate it. Paradoxically, I think that gives Drake the edge here. Long shot I think is JJ, mostly just because some people will vote for him regardless what the category is. He’s so complex, though, and you have to partition out his mat work to fully justify him as Top Jobber.

Hottest Liplock may not be a category others think of as the top tier choice to make, but I fucking LOVE this category. Like “Best Submissions in One Match,” the context isn’t entirely clear. A particular liplock? Perhaps not, since the nominees are just matches. I love wrestling liplocks, though, so however you slice it, I’m so into this category.

drakelip — Babyface Brawl X was sexy as hell and a fantastic concoction of bitter aggression and full on sexual arousal, which is one of my favorite formulas. Drake and Ty were fighting for victory, for dignity, and most of all, for Drake’s trunks. Some of the hottest liplocks are NFSW, but every one left me wondering whether it would be interrupted by more bitter fighting, which makes everyone of them hot, hot, hot.

rosslip — Wrestle Shack 18 was full of full on homoerotic wrestling lust between Gabriel Ross and Christian Taylor. This was a fantastically sexy pairing, with tons of value added for the stark contrasts between their bodies. Christian is reigning kissing champion of BG East in my book, but I don’t know if Gabriel was as convincingly committed to the liplocks.

treylip — Holy shit Trey Dixon and Skip Vance were on FIRE by the end of their Gear Wars 4 match. How no penetration appeared on camera is a mystery to me, because Skip’s rod is visibly throbbing and Trey looks like a starved man sitting at an Old Country Buffet. This particular jockstrapped, cock-sitting, body-scissors-oh-fuck-it-let’s-suck-face moment brings a tear of ecstasy to my eyes every time.

kaydenlip — Raunchy Rookies 7 saw the seismic double debut of Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander, putting up one of the sexiest, most explicit, fully erotic wrestling matches I’ve ever seen a rookie (much less two) manage. Kayden looks like he could eat the face off of adorable Ty, but the corporal domination leads ultimately to merely a double explosion in the middle of the ring. Sizzlingly hot liplocks, particularly once the gear is stripped.

masonlip — Pain & Punishment 1 has locked down a boatload of nominations all over the place, so yet again consider the fine eroticism of Mason Brooks squelching Drake Marcos’ screams of anguish with an intoxicating liplock. Not nearly as many liplocks in this bitter, bitter feud as for other contenders, but the aggressive, dominating, domineering face suck is enacted to perfection.

So many fantastic liplock moments that speak to the very heart of what moves me most about homoerotic wrestling! If I could vote for all of the nominees, I would, because they all rocked me dizzyingly hard. Just one, though? Fuck. It’s razor close between Babyface Brawl X and Gear Wars 4. My vote finally goes to the homoerotic jobber wonder twins, Drake & Ty, whose Babyface Brawl X was incredibly innovative and pushed the envelope in all the right directions. I have no idea what the majority will vote for in this category. I won’t be surprised for whoever wins, though I’m pulling for the jobber wonder twins.

Now for Best Overall Match of 2014…

guidobest — Guido Genatto once again complicates the field with two entries, first for Demolition 17 against Jake Jenkins. I don’t know if a squash is likely to win because of the constituency that just doesn’t like them, though this one was incredibly tasty.

kirkbest — Demolition 18 found Guido again crushing another jobber like a grape, this time wunderkind Kirk “don’t-discount-my-ass” Donahue. This match definitely made me most genuinely concerned for the life and limb of a wrestler this year. Was it best overall?

treybest — Mat wrestling entries for Best Overall Match include Passion & Punishment 1’s Trey Dixon v Skrapper. Intensely, intimately, shockingly erotic without an ounce of hot, hard, painful wrestling action spared. Incredible match. Totally legitimate finalist for this category.

drakebest — Yet another Pain & Punishment 1 entry is Drake Marcos getting schooled like a stubborn pup by sexy as hell philosopher king Mason Brooks. This match pushed all my buttons a lot. Awesome drama that extended well beyond the narrative on camera. Fantastic wrestling, awesome suffering, sweat, luscious bodies… I’m convinced, but I’m slightly surprised it pulled the nominating committee to include it.

zmanbest — Pretty boy ring feast, Ring Hunks 2 makes a surprise entry here (as far as I’m concerned). Truly a watershed moment to watch Z-Man really come into his own and set the pace, control the tempo, and tell the story (not to mention fucking own every inch of Kip Sorell). Another squash though, making all 3 ring match entries in this category way one-sided. Not judgment on my part, just an observation.

cameronbest — Submissions 9 puts in the last contender with Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe chaining together one dizzyingly hot hold after another until everyone is coated in sweat (and most of us on this end of the screen coated in other bodily fluids). Highest quality mat wrestling, big egos, energizer bunnies, bitter aggression.

I’m fascinated that all three ring match entries are squashes. That, along with Guido’s double entry, really fucks with my confidence in predicting a frontrunner. My vote is going to Mason and Drake because of several factors, including Mason’s gorgeous naked ass, Drake’s horrified whimpers, bitter trash talk, a gallon of sweat, and the ball rolling that would lead to me snapping Drake’s photo flat on his back under my foot about 9 months later. Extremely close 2nd place for me is Trey and Skrapper. Holy fuck that’s one over-the-top hot, hard fought, insanely sexy match. My barely better than a random guess for the majority on this one is Cameron and LJL, mostly because of Cam’s fan following. I think long odds are on Guido & Kirk.

If you haven’t voted yet, this is your Bard approved final ballot to point your way to where my tastes take me:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos brought to whimpering tears by Mason Brooks

Best Ring Match: Tag Team Torture 17 – Dumont/Baynard v Reno/Walsh

Best Debut: Ty Alexander

Top Babyface: Denny Cartier

Best Squash: Jobberpaloozer 13 – Austin Cooper v Leo Tomasi

Best Submissions in One Match: Wet & Wild 7 – Trey Dixon’s face-to-crotch headscissors on Mason Brooks

Top Heel: Guido Genatto

Top Jobber: Drake “damn-it-I’m-not-a-JOBBER!” Marcos

Hottest Liplock: Babyface Brawl X – Drake Marcos v Ty Alexander (aka, the homoerotic jobber wonder twins)

Best Overall Match of 2014: Pain & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos sniveling and choking like a jobber punk beneath Mason Brooks

And the nominees are…

February 7, 2015February 7, 2015 wrestlebardLeave a comment

There’s been some confusion about the BG East Best of 2014 poll. For the record, it is still open, and will remain so until midnight tomorrow night, February 8. You can find the poll through the homepage by clicking on the “All 2014 Releases” button and then clicking the poll banner at the top of the page, or simply click here to go to the poll directly.

Let’s take a look at a few more categories. What defines a babyface is fiercely debated among some wrestling fans. When I’m thinking of babyfaces (which is often), I’m picturing a wrestler who is eye-catchingly beautiful, earnest, optimistic, trusting in the rules of wrestling and human decency to make the wrestling ring an honest to god contest of strength and technical skill. A babyface is stoked to be cheered and admired. He expresses contempt for vile evil doers who take short cuts and disregard rules and good sportsmanship. As I look at the field of BG East Bestie nominees for Top Babyface of 2014, that’s the standard I’m holding up to each of this sizzling hot leading men. Let’s take a look at who’s in the running.

kipbaby — Kip Sorell certainly has “dazzlingly beautiful” down to perfection. He’s also earnest and eager. Kip jobs so blindingly fast, it’s hard to tell exactly what his take is on things like “rules,” because he’s typically flat on his back and reeling within seconds of the start of a match. He does wear white to perfection, though, which seems very true-to-babyface.

zachbaby — Zach Reno (left) surprises with yet another appearance in the 2014’s poll, despite only appearing in one match (and a tag team bout, at that). He clearly made a huge impression, and he’s already making fans swoon in 2015 with his hairier, hunkier rendition of the same Michelangelo’s David form he showed in 2014. But 2015 is not 2014. Was he best babyface in 2014?

jakebaby — Jake Jenkins has owned top babyface two years running, and he’s back to slap down the opposition yet again. It’s hard to argue that JJ fits the babyface typology to perfection, particularly when he slides that hot bod inside American flag trunks, as he did in 2014. Heroic, earnest, banking on strength, skill, speed, and flexibility to overcome dirty tricks. Hard to beat!

richiebaby — Is it too soon for 2014 newbie Richie Douglas to make a full fledged run for Top Babyface? I’m torn, because the rockin’, ripped boy next door is achingly beautiful, straight up sincere, facing down long odds like a hot jock who’s never heard of a short cut. I think his stock is rapidly on the rise, but has he owned Top Babyface already?

dennybaby — 3-time homoerotic wrestler of the month Denny Cartier makes me weak in the knees with his dimpled chin, bulging pecs, and full frontal offense. Has he ever, ever even bent a rule or been anything less than aggressively sportsmanlike? He’s not superhuman, but he’s somehow intensely, potently, powerfully, vulnerably human, heroic, and gorgeous.

For me, this category comes down to the tried and true, solidly developed babyface characters of Jake Jenkins and Denny Cartier. I think JJ’s momentum and unblinkingly fanatic fan base makes him the top contender for the popular vote, but my personal vote is finally leaning Denny’s way. JJ has an edge to him in some matches, a cocky, smirking, I’ll-go-as-low-down-as-you-dare-me-to attitude, whereas Denny just clenches that Clark Kent jaw and dishes out due respect almost every time. And in 2014 he had the distinction of taking that upright intensity to introduce Lon Dumont to mat wrestling, including finally getting bulldozed by the notorious pro heel. The dark horse who could defy the odds this year I think may be Kip Sorrel. I’m always a little surprised not to hear more buzz about the living Ken doll, so I’m wondering if there’s a silent majority out there just waiting to make Kip upend JJ.

Now let’s turn our attention to the category of Best Squash. This is a category that instantly turns off some fans who just don’t enjoy one-sided crushings. I, however, am not that type of fan. I fucking love gasping, dangerous maulings when both the pitcher and catcher sell it with enthusiasm. I think we have some notable contenders and, perhaps, some surprising absences in this year’s slate.

kirksquash — In Demolition 18, Guido Genatto so overhwlemed newbie Kirk Donahue in his doomed debut that the babyface punk literally tried to crawl on his belly from the ring to escape his brutalizer. Amazing sell. Total squash. Crotch tingling one-sided brutality.

jonnysquash — Jonny Firestorm is tried and true in dishing out squashes, having won last year for grinding jobber Drake Marcos into a pulp (I so know that feeling). This time, he turned his tornado offense on Nicholas Rush in Demolition 17. Classic heel-in-charge Jonny nearly beheading and breaking into pieces long, lean Nicholas. Squash!

flashsquash — Another Demolition 18 match featured Flash LaCash taking pro muscle mayhem to the task of trashing the fuck out of Jake Jenkins. Flash made the most of JJ’s superhuman flexibility and endurance, twisting and tying the unlucky acrobat into some gravity defying holds I’ve never seen before. JJ screams. Flash laughs. Incredibly hot squash.

leosquash — In Jobberpaloozer 13, Austin Cooper literally broke newbie Leo Tomasi’s nose and laughed at the blood trickling out the lean stud’s nostrils. “Dr. Cooper” (as he dubbed himself) decided the medically advisable treatment was to hang the hot rook upside down in a tree of woe and keep on fucking him up. I love Dr. Cooper the heel, and Leo brought out one of the most magnificent crushings from him.

genattosquash — Both Guido Genatto and Jake Jenkins are nominated in other products in this same category, which I think may very well split the votes of their most loyal fans. Guido’s mauling of JJ in Demolition 17 was spine tingling to watch, and Guido treated us frequently with glimpses of JJ’s bare ass with trunk pulls. Sensational squash, but was it best?

Two matches from Demo 17, two from Demo 18, and JJ and Guido showing up in multiple contenders? Very complex field to try to handicap. Personally, I’m going with the one and only non-Demo entry, because Dr. Cooper and Leo Tomasi owned me hardest and truly surprised me when I noticed how hot I found it to see Leo bleed. Dr. Cooper is an incredible heel, perhaps made more so by the distance he’s traveled since his heel turn. Honestly, I’m not sure at all how to predict where the majority may lean in this one with all of the overlaps, so I’m going out on a limb and saying I think the majority (and the hardcore Coop fans) will swing the vote the same way I’m going, with Jobberpaloozer 13. I’m also demonstrating the size of my balls by saying I think Jonny v Nicholas is a serious underdog this year. I have to also note that all of these Best Squash contenders are ring matches from just 3 products. What happened to Passion & Punishment 1, with Mason Brooks spanking Drake Marcos like the naughty boy his is, which may have been the most satisfying squash of the year in my book?

Now for the newest category in the BG East Besties, the vote for “Best Submissions in One Match.” I struggled with the variable construct of this category. It’s not “most submissions,” though I suppose some could vote with that interpretation. It’s not the best “submission” in a match, because the nominees aren’t specific submissions, but the matches themselves. It’s also hard to miss the fact that the nominees for Best Squash line up very closely with nominees for “Best Submissions in One Match,” making me think the nominating committee also lacked a little clarity in the scope and range of this debut category.

jonnysubmission — Jonny is the master of innovative submissions, so I totally buy the entry of Demolition 17, Jonny v Nicholas Rush here. Jonny, indeed, brought his inspiring understanding and mastery of human anatomy to ripping Nicholas apart and tearing one panicked submission after another out of him. This crotch-ripping, knee-wrenching, kneeling toe hold (what the fuck do you call this!?) is stunningly sexy wrestling sculpture. Hot, hot, hot submission.

ljlsubmission — Submissions fly like a flock of sparrows when Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe bring their deep arsenals of submission holds to Submissions 9. Two of the most accomplished submission wrestlers on the books, Cam and LJL stretch themselves and each other beyond belief. The arch, the bulge, the sweat, the way Cam is ripping apart at least 6 joints simultaneously in this hold is, again, a work of art.

kirksub — Demolition 18’s match featuring Guido Genatto & Kirk Donahue makes another appearance, and there’s no denying Guido “welcomes” Kirk to BG East with a barrage of some of the most terrifying ring submissions ever. I particularly love this choking backbreaker, with Guido leaning his face up close to Kirk’s cheek to hear the newbie gasp out panicked submissions over and over.

treysubmission — Most submissions in one match may, arguably, have to be awarded to Wet & Wild 7, but that’s because 6 wrestlers were involved in every variety and pairing. Trey Dixon and Mason Brooks are specifically called out from this product for the nomination in this category, and I totally agree that these two hot bodied hunks put each other through some of the sexiest submission holds on record. This particular shot of Mason nearly knocked out cold in face-to-crotch headscissors, with Mason going limp right about the time Trey looks like he’s mid-orgasm, is one of the hottest submissions I can remember.

genattosubmission — Guido Genatto played Jake Jenkins’ hot, flexible body like a pipe organ in Demolition 17. JJ’s determination to go up against massively muscled indy pro veterans is hot (and more evidence of why he’s a 2-time Top Babyface winner), and Guido is a maestro of ring submissions. This leg lock, with JJ’s boots trapped against his groin, as backdrop for a neck-breaking chinlock is simply fantastic.

So I’m choosing to dole out my vote for this category based on particular submissions (to be specific, the one’s I’ve highlighted above). If it were “most innovative submissions,” I’d easily vote for Jonny & Nicholas. If it were most terrifying submissions, I’d probably take Guido and Kirk. I’m picking the best submission as in the one that I found sexiest, the one that recurred in my early morning wet dreams, the one that I replayed in real life and in my fantasies most, which was, for me, Trey Dixon’s poolside face-to-crotch orgasmic headscissors. Since the category itself seems spongy to me, predicting a winner is tough, but I’m thinking Cameron Matthews and LJL’s fans will swing this their way. I think the longest shot is Guido and Kirk, both because Guido fans will be split and because Kirk is such a new commodity.

So the Bard-approved ballot as it stands now looks like this:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos brought to whimpering tears by Mason Brooks

Best Ring Match: Tag Team Torture 17 – Dumont/Baynard v Reno/Walsh

Best Debut: Ty Alexander

Top Babyface: Denny Cartier

Best Squash: Jobberpaloozer 13 – Austin Cooper v Leo Tomasi

Best Submissions in One Match: Wet & Wild 7 – Trey Dixon’s face-to-crotch headscissors on Mason Brooks

And the nominees are…

February 5, 2015February 5, 2015 wrestlebard5 Comments

The link the the Best of BG East voting disappeared from the BG East homepage, but I swear I saw that you had until Sunday at midnight to cast your ballots. Hopefully, if you’re still undecided, you still have time. And hopefully I can offer this voter’s guide and my personal take on the field in a few more categories. Let’s start today taking a look at the hotly contested and highly controversial Best Body nominees. What makes for “Best Body” has got to be even more subjective than what we evaluate as best body part by body part. Me, I like all sorts of bodies, but when I think “best” I think superior fitness, muscle mass, proportion, symmetry, balance, and that most subjective of them all, beauty. Here are the contenders for Best Body at BG East in 2014.

kkbody — I’ve been explicitly campaigning for months for Kid Karisma to take the title this year, because, fuck, look! All those qualifiers I mention above as my personal criteria are summed up right here in my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler. He’s also making a play for a Best Butt 3-peat, and I’m slightly aghast that he didn’t get a nomination for Best Abs.

Chacebody — For those who like them brawnier, burlier, hairier and with tweezed eyebrows, Chace LaChance is certain to make a strong showing. Interestingly he’s not a nominee for best butt, bulge or abs, but as a total package, he got the nod to join the field.

zmanbody — Also Best Abs nominee Z-Man took the Best Body title last year, after going down to Rio Garza in 2012. I’ll say it again, Z-Man must have an aging portrait of himself in the attic somewhere, because he’s perpetually gorgeous and in top shape.

Calbody — Cal Bennett’s insurgency into the Best Abs and Best Body categories this year is ballsy and stunnning. He’s appeared in exactly 1 product thus far at BG East, but that was enough to get his liberally inked, stunning physique a nod for Best Bod. See my comments from a couple days ago about his body, honey, and my tongue.

coopbody — Goldenboy Austin Cooper (or Dr. Cooper, depending on the day) is dazzlingly beautiful, proportioned, balanced. That pretty face could possibly distract even his die hard fans from fully appreciating the top contender quality of that body. But probably not.

I haven’t been coy about saying for months Kid Karisma’s phenomenal fitness and picture perfect physique deserve the title of Best Body this year. The total package from top to bottom, front to back, in my opinion. I expect Z-Man to be making the strongest play to be at the head of this pack, possibly with Coop making a dark horse late run. If Cal pulls this out, I’m calling it a major upset and a huge bullseye painted on his finely muscled ass if he ever dares to step foot in the ring with any of his more seasoned and tested contenders.

Now let’s look at some of the match Besties. Selecting a photo to highlight a nominee’s claim to take the title for best-of-match categories is daunting. What single still frame captures a claim to make an entire match sexiest, or best on the mats? With humility, I’ve attempted to present some of what I think are the best claims for the following two categories, starting with Sexiest Match of 2014.

rookssexy — Cumming out of the gate hot and hard are Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander in their tandem debut in Raunchy Rookies 7. I think it says something significant to have a double debut be featured in the sexiest match contenders. RR7 burned it up, and win, lose or draw, I have to believe there are many more Bestie nominations heading both Kayden and Ty’s way.

drakesexy — I admit to being slightly surprised to see X-Fights 38’s Drake Marcos v LJL and not see Drake and Ty’s Babyface Brawl X in this category. Nevertheless, Drake and LJL were two of the sexiest X-fighters at BGE this year, and their 38 fight was fucking mean and nasty. They hated each other start to finish, which makes it just that much sexier to see how prominently sexual domination became the story.

militarysexy — Military Muscle 2 is another surprise entry here, as far as I’m concerned. Not because I didn’t think it was scorchingly sexy, but because it was far less sexually explicit than other matches that weren’t nominated. That said, MM2 demonstrates that a match doesn’t need to include cock-sucking in order to be blindingly sexy, and rookie Zion Brown’s gasping adoration of Kid Karisma is convincing and compelling.

painsexy — Pasion & Punishment 1 was the first time I sat up and took notice of Trey Dixon. His pairing here with Skrapper is nothing short of epic. Their confrontation is spilling over with raw, balls to the walls lust from the start, and the sexual tension makes my hard drive melt (seriously, I had to buy a new computer). I had to go back and verify that these two didn’t actually fuck on camera, because the sexual aggression is so damn explicit.

darksexy — Dark Knights 11 with Steven Ponce and Ray Dalton is clearly the choice for muscle fetish leather daddies and their stubborn boys. I’m regretting that Dark Knights 12 wasn’t the DK entry in this category, but it’s not hard to see why nominators gave Ray and Steven the nod here.

This category is a major struggle for me to settle on. My blogger v wrestler match with Drake was not nominated, and of course, other than my personal photographs of Drake’s post-match humiliation, you would be hard pressed to be able to make an informed vote our direction (though, take my word for it, it was sexy). So just looking at those that were nominated, personally, I’m completely torn between Raunchy Rookies 7, X-Fights 38, and Passion & Punishment 1. I know that there are wrestling fans out there that don’t like Skrapper, so I’m guessing Passion & Punishment may be a long shot, but at the end of the day, that’s where my vote goes. I’m also guessing it will be either Raunchy Rookies or X-Fights 38 that may be where the majority goes this time, which I will totally understand. Dark horse in this field I think is Dark Knights 11. I didn’t see a ton of buzz about it, but if the muscle fetish leather daddies snap the collars on all their boys, they’ll double their vote quickly and, potentially swing this their way.

Finally for today I’m taking a look at the Best Mat Battle nominees. This is another extremely tough slate to choose from, but you don’t pay me to dither. Wait, you don’t pay me at all! Oh well, onward and upward…

cammat — Submissions 9 with Cameron Matthews grappling with LJL has got to be a front runner in this category. Cam and LJL are major league mat tacticians, and that and about 2 gallons of sweat and some smoldering bitterness make Sub 9 insanely aggressive and the stuff that no one other than a contortionist should try.

drakemat — Passion & Punishment’s match with Drake Marcos and Mason Brooks makes a compelling argument. Two big egos enter the mat room, but one of them crawls on his belly out of the mat room having been actually tagged with a permanent marker to remind him what a consummate jobber he is. As much as I love watching Drake suffer, even I was worried at times in this match that the philosopher king Mason was going to literally break him… which makes a strong case for Best Mat Battle.

masonmat — But then the drama ensues in the Academy, as Mason is going up against himself in this category, also getting the nod for his work against Skrapper in Undagear 22. These are two of the fiercest mat boys on the books right now, and neither of them is going to concede to losing while conscious. Then again, there’s that anti-Skrapper faction out there.

damienmat — I was only slightly shocked to see Damien Rush and Joah Bindao’s Undagear 21 bout appear in this category. Shocked because I don’t think of it as cream of the crop mat work, but only slightly because Damien Rush getting schooled by a petite muscleman acrobat is always going to get attention. I loved the back and forth in this match. Lots of suspense and bruised egos.

kidmat — But if you’re jonesin’ for bruised egos, I’m guessing your choice very well may be Undagear 22’s match between Ray Naylor and Kid Karisma. Ray fucking HATES Kid K, and you get the impression he hates himself just a little for being unable to resist stroking Kid K’s luscious muscles (see my arguments for his Best Body claim). These two put the hurt on each other big time, and you know it was a special match when Kid K treats the loser to a free strip show after all is said and done.

jakemat — As long as Jake Jenkins is wrestling, I predict he will have at least one nomination in the Best Mat Battle category. He’s typically the master of the mats, but he bites off more than he can chew in Gazebo Grapplers 16, facing down big, beautiful newbie Carter Alexander. The outcome of this match is in question to the bitter end, and that end has got to be described as a stunning upset, so little wonder this shows up as a Best Mat Battle nominee.

Fuck, this is another hard choice. My vote, for what it’s worth, is going to Passion & Punishment’s Drake Marcos versus Mason Brooks. It was that match, and the 3-way interview I conducted with Mason and Drake that ultimately got the whole ball rolling to eventually find myself shutting Drake up with his trunks stuffed down his throat this past Fall. It’s also sweet drama, and watching Mason pick Drake apart, humiliate him worse and worse, strip him naked and leave his indelible mark clearly ignited a ton of fantasy’s-cum-true in me. I’m thinking the favorites in this category may be Cameron and LJL, though, possibly with Ray and Kid K being the dark horse here able deliver an upset.

If you haven’t finished your ballot yet, here’s what the Bard-approved slate of choices looks like:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Battle: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos gets owned by Mason Brooks

Grasping at Straws

November 28, 2014November 28, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

In case you didn’t catch it, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Drake Marcos, crawled out of the shame spiral he’s been in for the past month in order to try to articulate how, after all that taunting and trash talk, he ended up with his trunks stuffed in his mouth and a certain blogger snapping photographic proof of his humiliation in the ring (not that we didn’t already have copious evidence of Drake’s humiliation in the ring). It’s adorkable. I honestly didn’t realize that my infatuation with Mason Brooks’ nipples was what apparently seeded Drake’s antipathy toward me during our 3-way interview nearly a year ago. Seriously, how could I not be infatuated with Mason’s nipples? And it’s not as if I have some finite supply of infatuation and fandom to ration out. I can marvel at Drake’s magnificent suffering as a sensational jobber and, simultaneously, go dizzy with delight at Mason’s hot pecs and total mastery of an outmatched opponent.

We’ve been left in suspense to hear the end (or at least “part 2”) of Drake’s attempt to rationalize away his blogger beat down. Considering it was almost 11 months between his last post and this one, perhaps we shouldn’t hold our collective breaths. And what, honestly, can a stud say to defend himself when he was photographed entirely defenseless and defeated? The end of “part 1” of Drake’s tap dance around the cold hard facts suggests that, as is so often the case with dissociative disorder, he is coping with his shame by glancing sideways at his split-personalitied alternate self. Whatever you need to do to sleep at night, Drake. Whatever you need to do. As we wait, I’ve collected a few choice moments from Drake’s wrestling history to share as evidence that the handsome hunk sells sublime suffering just about the best of anyone I can think of in the business today. I’d suggest the Cheshire Cat simply own it rather than run from what he does so, so well: suffer. Check out Kayden Keller’s Facebook feed for more piling on, pointing out that nobody agonizes helplessly quite as provocatively as Drake Marcos.

drake11 — Jonny Firestorm makes Drake weep as he drags the jobber up by his roots in Custom Combat.

drake9 — Drake wails as Skrapper nearly rips his head off in Wet & Wild 7.

drake4 — LJL rubs Drake’s face in it in X-Fights 38.

drake13 — Ty Alexander gives Drake the best seat in the house in Babyface Brawl X.

drake12 — Mason Brooks treated Drake to the best seat in the house in Passion & Punishment.

drakeout — But I had the best seat in the house (perched atop the turnbuckle at BG East South) about a month ago.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

November 6, 2014November 6, 2014 wrestlebard9 Comments

My plate was full in October, but I still managed to take a pretty broad sampling of the new homoerotic wrestling releases. With BG East’s catalog 105, the field was already packed with satisfying hotness, but of course Jose documented that there were in fact 87 new releases from at least 12 different producers. Full disclosure, I did not watch all 87 matches. Some of these fine purveyors of wrestling are not in my regular queue. As I’ve mentioned before, my resources (both financial and temporal) are limited. But designating a homoerotic wrestler of the month is not science. It’s thoroughly and unabashedly biased, informed entirely by what turns me on most among the matches that I have the opportunity to enjoy. With that disclaimer made (again), let me turn my attention to crowning my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month for outstandingly provocative October match performance…

… Drake Marcos.

Someone is, at this very moment, complaining that Drake had an unfair advantage because he had the opportunity to demonstrate to me, in person, just how provocative his wrestling work was in October. See my disclaimer above and let it go. While the pleasure I had to encounter Drake in the ring during my BG East – South campus pilgrimage certainly looms large in my thoughts, first and foremost Drake wins this month’s title for his work in X-Fights 38.

drake72 — “Jake falls for Drake’s charm offensive.”

The back cover of the DVD already had me chuckling and aroused. “Jake falls for Drake’s charm offensive,” the caption reads underneath a shot of Drake and his opponent, Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe glistening with sweat and making out in the mat room. Drake’s talents run deep, of course, but I have to agree whole heartedly that one of the most disarming (and dangerous) assets the Cheshire Cat brings to a match is that fucking charm. It’s conveyed in steady eye contact, a subtly seductive tilt to his head, his sharp and savvy wit, and, of course, that nearly constant dimpled grin on his handsome face.

The backstory on X-Fights 38 is eerily familiar. “It’s pretty easy to talk trash when I’m about 900 miles away,” Drake smirks as they stare one another down on the mat. “But now that I’m here, what are you going to do?” It wasn’t deliberate, but that was almost precisely the backstory and dialogue that constituted the wrestling foreplay between me and Drake later in October. Clearly it’s a potent lure that the Cheshire Cat baits his hook with, all handsomeness and disarming charm with full throttle trash talk to stoke a virtual opponent into a sweat-soaked, erotically charged, IRL wrestling battle.

drake70 — Drake grabs the throttle almost instantly scoring the first fall.

LJL, fans know, is unfailingly dangerous. The lightweight has a stunning record of toppling (and absolutely grinding into dust) much bigger muscle boys. However, about 3 minutes into this match, LJL finds his grinning, charming opponent not only countering his expertly executed offense, but abruptly rolling him into a nut-cruching Boston Crab. Drake sits low, really leaning back and making LJL’s lower lumbar creak with agonizing tension. LJL, the master executioner, astonishingly taps out with a note of panic in his voice as Drake absolutely glows with pleasure. Oh, yeah. I know where you’re coming from, LJL.

Soon enough, however, Drake takes a boatload of torture because, after all, this is LJL. Long limbs and an energizer bunny battery do not spare the Cheshire Cat from being worked into a major lather quite quickly. Both of these boys are pouring sweat minutes in, which always increases my erotic engagement. And speaking of erotic engagement, these boys latch their claws on each other’s cocks and balls from start to finish in this bout.

drake73 — Drake relishes the opportunity to document his destruction of LJL by posting this mid-match video online (Karma’s a bitch, eh, Drake?).

Things turn particularly sexy, in my opinion, and for Drake ominously foreshadowing, right around the time when the Cheshire Cat rolls LJL into a rear naked choke, reaches for his mobile phone, and starts taking selfie video of his Cheshire Cat grin next to LJL’s oxygen-deprived face. “Exclusive for drakefuckingmarcos.blogspot.com!” Drake crows. “Here I am with ‘Jake’ Lorenzo Lowe, and I’m making him my bitch! Smile for the camera,” he laughs at his trapped opponent.

drake71 — LJL documents the truism: Payback is a bitch.

Online taunts turning into a mobile-phone documented reckoning at BG East South?! Oh, Drake, it was a very busy month for you, wasn’t it? And similarly to a certain ring match later in the month, Drake soon enough finds his taunts and bluster catching up to him as LJL starts to maintain momentum and work the Cheshire Cat into more and more compromised positions. The blurring of combat and erotic lust is pitched beautifully in this match. The boys use their bodies to dominate and torture and somewhere, almost imperceptibly, their bodies become focused entirely on giving and receiving pleasure. Those big doe eyes of Drake’s suck LJL right in as Jake can’t help but taste those lips. He rides Drake’s dripping torso, peeling those pink trunks off, feeling that body. Drake gives himself over to his opponent’s control, and when LJL is fully engaged, Drake rolls on top of him, lips locked, hands stroking, crotches grinding intently.

And then Drake replaces his lips with the palm of his hand stretched across LJL’s mouth and nose. That sly son of a bitch was, indeed, working his charm offensive all along, luring LJL into a defenseless position. LJL slowly, reluctantly slips into unconsciousness with the Cheshire Cat perched atop him as pleased as can be, returning the favor of peeling of his opponent’s trunks. Where does combat end and carnal lust begin remains the question as both of these delicious boys bring incredibly accomplished “charm offenses” to bear. The question of who will be erotically lulled into a vulnerable enough place to be decisively conquered, with photographic evidence in hand, and finally led from the mat by his cock is uncertain almost to the bitter end.

drake75 — So much trash talk silenced as Drake is forced to suck on LJL’s bicep.

But as with all things, there is a naked, drenched, humiliated end, and if you can run a simple correlation on Drake’s win-loss record, you can guess whose cock is the leash for whom. LJL is handsome as hell as always, devastatingly dangerous and deadly serious. But the Cheshire Cat is just having more fun. His humor and charm propel this story powerfully. Drake’s full throttle passion for homoerotic wrestling is like a wave crashing over and over again upon the mat (and his opponent), and his intensity and intelligence raise this far above what I often expect in a carnally explicit X-fight.

drake76 — October’s Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month: Drake Marcos

And, sure, it doesn’t hurt that I have my own photographic evidence that trash talk from 900 miles away is a lot easier for a certain Cheshire Cat than facing a challenger on the mats. But when it comes to picking which homoerotic wrestler appearing in an October new release entertained, provoked and aroused me most, there’s just no contest. He may be this blogger’s bitch, true, but he’s also without question this blogger’s homoerotic wrestler of the month: Drake “Cheshire Cat” Marcos.

drakeout3south — Wait, how did that photo get into this blog post?! That’s not from X-Fights 38. Oh, well…

Our Man Inside

September 2, 2014 wrestlebard3 Comments

I just realized that I left Austin Cooper (the Doctor) and Ray Naylor hanging in the last Friday Fashion poll. We’ll let the two of them duke it out some more, but it’s been quite a brutal squash so far. I’ll tally the votes officially on Friday, so Ray fans better get their asses in gear if you want to save his lean, sizzling bacon. In the mean time, OMI smuggled out of BG East a couple more batches of photos for our scrutiny and fantasizing. There are fan favorite babyfaces, sweaty heel muscle, and an intriguing little bit of drama to speculate about.

L1010122 — Shirtless hunks in jeans strolling purposefully through the forest!? Hot damn, this has got to be…

L1010210 — … a BG East Wrestle Shack match! Two of the handsomest hunks in the stable, Christian Taylor and Cameron Matthews, look like they’re the competitors (though I’m saying that would be a stunningly hot tag team right there!). Please, oh please, let’s see some lip locks between these two leading men!

Massively muscled heel stud Lane Hartley is dripping with sweat and looking like he’s taking a break outside the ring. Lane looks a little winded to me. Could this finally be the match that he faces full on, swear to god, stiff competition!?

WHO could make this stunning specimen of a wrestler winded!?

Lane, like the rest of us, like’s what he sees here. While there’s so much to like, can we just pause a while and appreciate the work of art that are his glutes!?

Whatever the trouble that sent this powerhouse out of the ring, he appears unconcerned about it as he soaks in the mountainous landscape of his hot, hot, HOT physique.

Holy shit, who/what went THROUGH the wall at BG East’s brand new south campus facility? LJL, Jonny, Jake, Trey & Skip all look a little perplexed and more than a little wary of whatever it was that left that hole in the wall. The Boss cannot be happy about that!!!

Hot off the presses!

June 16, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

The weekend I leave home for vacation, BG East goes live with Catalog 104.1! Damn! There’s a lot of eye candy I’m already enjoying on the website. I’ve had a chance to enjoy a couple of the new releases already, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to give any of these fine offerings a fuller treatment before I get back. Damn, damn, damn! There’s some fine temptations here!

joshua — Muscle sandwich! Mr. Joshua Goodman takes it from the front and the back going 2-on-1 against Braden Charron and Brad Barnes in Tag Team Torture 18.

cam — Cameron Matthews glistens with a bashed Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe draped across his shoulders in Submissions 9.

barry — Instant top tier entry into the Fantasymen category, Big Barry Burke brings the muscle in Ring Rookies 4.

jake — Guido Genatto appears to completely humiliate cocky stud Jake Jenkins in Demolition 17.

jonny — Jonny Firestorm appears to be about to rip the head off of Nick Rush in Demolition 17.

jayden — Jayden Mayne is in a world of hurt against Charlier Panther in Demolition 17.

drake — Drake Marcos, who has yet to deliver on the Christmas present he supposedly has picked out for me from last year, looks like he’s getting owned by one of the most babyfaced babyface rookies, Ty Alexander, in Babyface Brawl X.

Thing appear to get delightfully wet and wild with a bevy of babyface beauties in Wet ‘N’ Wild 7.

It’s Political

May 12, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

My interest in professional football has primarily centered on a three-way ring wrestling fantasy in which Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson, and Clay Matthews beat the living shit out of each other (obviously including extensive double-teaming by Aaron and Jordy), until they’ve all been stripped out of their trunks and the winner gets a blow job from one loser while he racks the other across his gargantuan shoulders (yep, you can pretty much guess who’s who). Actually following a season has been outside of my frame of reference for well over a decade, and actually paying attention to draft day has frankly never been on my radar. But it was hard not to notice Michael Sam getting drafted by the Rams and sucking face with his boyfriend in celebration. The kiss seemed a tad forced and uncomfortably choreographed to me. Nevertheless, it was hot. For me. Others were clearly offended. There were apparently the predictable junior high level “ewwwwws” from the un-self-reflected narcissists privileged to remain far too long in angst-ridden adolescent ignorance and knee jerk self-defensiveness around their own secret same-sex fantasies. There was the wildly hypocritical “shield my baby’s eyes” indignation from the same mothers who blissfully see no irony in wanting more guns in their children’s schools while earnestly believing that witnessing g-rated affection between consenting adults will scar their offspring permanently. And there’s the “homosexual agendaists” who whip themselves in sackcloth because of the “politicization” of sport, and sports television, and masculinity itself. Whatever it means for football or football fans or sports television, the kerfuffle highlights the simple truth that persists regardless of where you stand: the personal is political. Oh, and two men kissing is sexy.