I’ve noticed that I have this pattern of sparse posting this time of the year most years. I’m sure it’s work-related. I’m determined to keep up with the Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month titles this year, and March had a ton of worthy nominees. But although I haven’t had a chance to post about most of the wrestling I enjoyed from last month, I do have a favorite. Even though I’m a couple of weeks late getting this down in print, my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the entire month is…
Honestly, it’s daunting to try to write a review of a Custom Combat match, like the one Jonny starred in last month against notorious heel Lane Hartley. It’s literally dozens upon dozens of different matches, depending on how you navigate the decision tree along the way. It’s conceivable that one of the iterations of Custom Combat 2 sucks, but since I haven’t watched every last possible combination of options, I haven’t seen the sucky version. I doubt that, though, because this is Jonny Firestorm and Lane Hartley. They are both their hottest versions of themselves, when it comes to aesthetics and fitness. And the dozen or so versions of events that I’ve constructed are consistently incredibly entertaining and top notch quality, any way you slice it.
With two such top tier talents, it’s a reasonable question to ask how Jonny earns my favored status over Lane. With a collaboration like this, where they must have been taping for hours on end, that consistency I mentioned has got to be a sign that both hunks bought into and then sold this concept with equal expertise. And Lane is fucking lush. As always, he’s ridiculously handsome, magnificently smooth, thick muscles everywhere. The moment I first saw Lane way back when he debuted with BGE, I instantly thought he was going to be a legitimate, honest to the wrestling gods powerhitter muscle babyface. That he’s turned out to be a bulldozing dominant heel instead has always felt like a missed opportunity. But then again, this is custom combat, and I’m calling the shots, so you can bet you know how my first foray into Custom Combat played out.
But Jonny edges out Lane for the HWOTM title because he just turns me ON that much more. First of all, those trunks. FUCK. Those shiny blue square cuts scream “STAR!” His ass is suction packed into them, but it’s his mammoth package that really grabbed my attention hard from the moment he climbs into the ring. On the one hand, Lane is obviously the bigger man in the ring, staring down a reported 7 inches of height advantage and around 50 pounds heavier. On the other hand, Jonny’s bulge knocks big Lane into second place just like that.
And then there are Jonny’s arms. Literally, I swoon. I’ve crushed on Jonny’s arms before, so much so, in fact, that Jonny once sent me close up snaps of his forearms as a Christmas present. But honestly, I’ve never seen his biceps bigger, nor his forearms thicker, than when they’re wrapped around Lane’s action hero as the giant GI Joe doll gets sleepered out. Jonny flexes repeatedly, satisfyingly, and the veins just about pop right out of his skin. Sure, without a doubt, Lane is one huge, dashing, handsome fucker, so it says a whole lot that I cannot take my eyes off of Jonny’s hot, hairy, muscle packed body.
I probably need to award this month’s title to the genius who conceives of and storyboards a product like this. There are at least 15 decision options that I’ve counted, everywhere from tit-for-tat-even competitive wrestling to bashing Lane’s balls to breaking Jonny’s back. The unique combo of give and take, advantage and reversal, are in the viewer’s hands each time he pushes play. Sewing together a seamless product to be able to watch one particular match (and then another, and then another) as convincingly as Custom Combat 2 accomplishes is astonishing. The fact that Jonny has starred in both Custom Combat products makes me think he gets at least a little of that genius credit, and even if not, he gets a ton of credit for working his magnificent muscled ass off selling everything. Everything. Winning. Losing. Suffering. Dominating. Weeping. Getting broken. Laughing. Doing the breaking.
Like I said earlier, if I were king of BGE (I know, I know, that title is definitely already taken), I’d have cast big Lane Hartley as a dangerously competitive babyface. Custom Combat 2 lets me do just that, and Jonny is never hotter than when he’s going all out heel. “Do you know what I like to do to pretty boys like you?” Jonny asks in one version of this confrontation. Right there. I so love that moment when Jonny doesn’t just call Lane the pretty boy he so obviously is, but he follows up by landing a solid knee drop to Lane’s balls. In my fantasy match, Lane literally tries to crawl out of the ring to escape the weapons of mass destruction that Jonny isn’t even bothering to try to hide from close inspection. The invincible, superhero muscle hunk Lane is literally left begging for mercy, humiliated and humbled by a vicious brawler seemingly half his size everywhere except for where it counts. The only way that this could have been more customized to fulfill my fantasy is if there’d been an option to have Jonny rip off Lane’s trunks (after KO-ing, sleepering, pinning or submitted him) and spank his naked ass. But even short of that, this is incredibly high quality wrestling with pretty much every hold and move and dirty trick you could order up delivered by incredibly talented pros.
You’re a winner any way you like it, but the muscled hunk who gets me off over and over in novel ways each time I watch this match is ultimately Jonny Firestorm, who is, once again, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.
I hope everyone had a shocking Halloween. I’m also hoping to get another photo report from our favorite homoerotic wrestlers who delight in dressing up and showing us their costumes. In the mean time, I was mulling over a topic I’ve touched upon tangentially in the past, that seems particularly relevant this time of year: terror.
I should confess I’m a terror movie junkie. I tend toward the mind-fuck variety of horror flicks, particularly the sacrilegious, but the raw, mass body count movies are also on my list. I like the extra heavy heart pump they inspire. Even when I know the outcome, I can feel the blood pulse harder through my veins when I’m watching good, terror inducing entertainment
So it’s a short hop to thinking about the element of terror in homoerotic wrestling entertainment. Just like in a good horror flick, terror is a delicate ingredient. You can’t throw in too much, too soon, or the escalating adrenaline drops from habituation. On the other hand, too infrequent, too improbable (hello, Paranormal franchise, I’m looking at you) and the heat doesn’t have time to reach a boil. And under or over sold, and the whole suspension of disbelief comes crashing down in a heap.
But in homoerotic wrestling, when done right, it’s incredible value added for my tastes. When a brave, cocky, impenetrable stud throws himself into the fray, gets outmatched, gets convinced that he could very well get broken, broken into, or crippled for life, the unfolding drama is sensationally arousing to me. He’s got to believe he’s going to make a respectable showing to start with. And then, incrementally, he’s got to be dragged to the despairing, horrifying truth that he’s getting owned, and his opponent is just nasty enough to seriously jeopardize life and limb. And then, that juicy, potent psychodrama has to play out on his face, in his eyes, in the rising octaves of his screams and choking sobs.
When done right, I get that same adrenaline pump I do when I’m watching fine horror. That, paired with hot, hard bodies and the inherent eroticism of grinding, crushing, dominating wrestling, and I’ll swing for the fences every time.
Interestingly (for me, at least), I occasionally stumble across this ethical dilemma in seeking out terror-rich homoerotic wrestling fare, when I come across the implicit threat of rape. On the one hand, rape is not sexy. In real life, it’s vile and destroys lives. I don’t enjoy it, and don’t get aroused by it in gay porn. Frankly, it creeps me out. On the other hand, in addition to being terrorized by threats to life and limb, homoerotic wrestling terror at least occasionally drifts into the psychodrama of sexual violence. Threats that revolve around “what I’m going to do to you when I’ve beaten you to a pulp,” start down that path. Hell, every so often there’s the pretty explicit dialogue about how a victor will fuck his cowed conquest like the spoils of war. And, all that I just said on the first hand notwithstanding, I fucking get off on that.
Of course Naked Kombat pretty much is all about sexual domination as the spoils of erotic wrestling. But there’s an implicit contract in the fighter’s opening introductions. They’re signing up for this. They know the stakes are win or be fucked, so it’s more like high stakes gambling than actual rape. The loser my not enjoy it, but the bitterness and brutality are mostly about the humiliation of the loss, not about being involuntarily fucked. And the more recent post-match testimonials almost always make explicit that the everyone involved had a grand old time.
Can-Am has come pretty close to explicitly centering a narrative on wrestling as pretense for sexual assault. Their Wrestle Bait release made me check my political correctness credentials a few times, for example. The plot, as I remember, is that a sadistic jail guard (Jobe Zander) gets his psychojollies off on forcing inmates to wrestle for fuckstakes and freedom. Jobe literally holds a gun to their heads and coerces them to strip, beat the shit out of each other, and then have the winner force fuck the loser. If they don’t fight hard enough, he threatens to shoot them. So, guns turn me off. The threat of watching someone get shot turns me way off. The implication that the losers in each Wrestle Bait match are getting fucked against their will tugs at my conscience. But despite myself, even as I question my moral compass, I’ve pounded out dozens of times to that shit. In my defense, it was the first time I ever saw Rusty Stevens or David Taylor.
But I don’t have to have boundaries crossed for the terror ingredient to spice up my favorite homoerotic wrestling fare. It’s the terror itself, rather than any questionable-consensual sex act, that’s the common thread. So when it dawns on one gasping hunk that he’s got no shot of winning, and in fact has a very good shot at spending a few nights in the hospital, and that recognition visibly washes across his face… fuck. When a sniveling pretty boy literally tries to flee the scene, crawling on his hands and knees in a primal effort to distance himself from his natural predator, I’m so sold. When he chokes and quivers on the fear, when he weeps and begs, abandoning all pretense to dignity, when he out and out screams because he’s certain he’s about to break for real, that will top me off every time.
So today, I salute the homoerotic wrestling scream queens who toy with my moral compass and somehow shove their hands right down my pants by selling out and out terror as a device for propelling a wrestling match to a screaming, pleading, magnificent conclusion.
Time’s a wasting, so if anyone is going to still benefit from seeing side by side (or top to bottom) comparisons of the nominees for BG East Bestie awards before polls close at midnight tomorrow night, I’d better get on it.
The Best Body category is an enigmatic one for me. Taking in the whole of a wrestler’s physique speaks to different tastes and attention. How the academy narrowed the field down to these six specimens, I can’t imagine, but it’s a very, very hot field to choose from.
Competition for Best Bulge is probably equally as subjective, but when we zoom in on the crotch, I have to think that size matters. In this case, these are the boys with the heft and volume to get nominations from the academy.
Nominees for Top Heel somehow seems like one of the clearest categories in the poll. The pro wrestling heel is an iconic role, and at BG East, it’s inhabited by some of the hottest, most merciless and vicious bad asses on the planet. Defending Top Heel of 2014, Kid Karisma, didn’t even make the cut this year, but this year’s field is incredibly competitive.
Mere hours are left for you to register your votes for the 2014 BG East Besties. The last 4 categories I have to reflect on are what I think of as the most dramatic and titillating. Like saving “best picture” and “best actor in a leading role,” I’ve held off on reflecting on these because these mean most to me in any ways. First up, let’s look at those who sold the most compelling characters this year, beginning with nominees for Top Heel.
Shockingly, the reigning Top Heel the past two years running, Jonny Firestorm, was absent from this year’s slate. Was Jonny’s work somehow less dominant, less dastardly, less sadistic? With him suspiciously out of the way, however, someone is definitely taking the crown for the first time. I’m leaning toward Guido because of both quantity and quality of his matches. His trash talk alone is terrifyingly hot, but his muscle domination and indy pro heel superiority are absolutely soul crushing. I’m guessing fans will break his way or possibly Morgan’s. I think Cage Thunder is a long shot this year solely because he didn’t put up more evidence of his heel mastery in 2014, but he very well could be the sentimental favorite of long-time fans.
Top Jobber is crazy competitive this year. I would argue a jobber is not someone who just gets squashed, but someone who sells that he whole heartedly believes he has a fighting chance, even mounts some offense and keeps the suspense building, but sooner or later, inevitably goes down in crushing defeat. A jobber isn’t a pushover. He’s not a joke. He inhabits a full story arc, even if the outcome is as certain as the sunrise. You and I know a jobber is doomed from the start, but he doesn’t. Let’s take a look at the contenders for this nuanced category.
Tough call, with a ton of blurry lines depending on exactly what you think and feel about jobbers in general. Two-time winner Rio Garza was not nominated this year, leaving the field open for a first-timer to be guaranteed the crown. With the fond memory of him out cold, stripped naked, and with his trunks stuffed down his throat in the middle of the ring after coming face to face with a certain blogger, though, I have to punch Drake Marcos’ ticket (once again) for Top Jobber. I think his biggest competition for this one is Ty, with the difference being, in my mind, mainly the certainty that Ty would love to be Top Jobber, while Drake would hate it. Paradoxically, I think that gives Drake the edge here. Long shot I think is JJ, mostly just because some people will vote for him regardless what the category is. He’s so complex, though, and you have to partition out his mat work to fully justify him as Top Jobber.
Hottest Liplock may not be a category others think of as the top tier choice to make, but I fucking LOVE this category. Like “Best Submissions in One Match,” the context isn’t entirely clear. A particular liplock? Perhaps not, since the nominees are just matches. I love wrestling liplocks, though, so however you slice it, I’m so into this category.
So many fantastic liplock moments that speak to the very heart of what moves me most about homoerotic wrestling! If I could vote for all of the nominees, I would, because they all rocked me dizzyingly hard. Just one, though? Fuck. It’s razor close between Babyface Brawl X and Gear Wars 4. My vote finally goes to the homoerotic jobber wonder twins, Drake & Ty, whose Babyface Brawl X was incredibly innovative and pushed the envelope in all the right directions. I have no idea what the majority will vote for in this category. I won’t be surprised for whoever wins, though I’m pulling for the jobber wonder twins.
Now for Best Overall Match of 2014…
I’m fascinated that all three ring match entries are squashes. That, along with Guido’s double entry, really fucks with my confidence in predicting a frontrunner. My vote is going to Mason and Drake because of several factors, including Mason’s gorgeous naked ass, Drake’s horrified whimpers, bitter trash talk, a gallon of sweat, and the ball rolling that would lead to me snapping Drake’s photo flat on his back under my foot about 9 months later. Extremely close 2nd place for me is Trey and Skrapper. Holy fuck that’s one over-the-top hot, hard fought, insanely sexy match. My barely better than a random guess for the majority on this one is Cameron and LJL, mostly because of Cam’s fan following. I think long odds are on Guido & Kirk.
If you haven’t voted yet, this is your Bard approved final ballot to point your way to where my tastes take me:
I just realized that I left Austin Cooper (the Doctor) and Ray Naylor hanging in the last Friday Fashion poll. We’ll let the two of them duke it out some more, but it’s been quite a brutal squash so far. I’ll tally the votes officially on Friday, so Ray fans better get their asses in gear if you want to save his lean, sizzling bacon. In the mean time, OMI smuggled out of BG East a couple more batches of photos for our scrutiny and fantasizing. There are fan favorite babyfaces, sweaty heel muscle, and an intriguing little bit of drama to speculate about.
Mason Brooks and Drake Marcos are no strangers around neverland. They’ve both beengracious interviewees, and both hunks have stayed in touch over the last year and a half as they’ve broken into the homoerotic wrestling business. So what a delight it was for me to have both of them agree to sit down with me and give a tandem interview to reflect on how far they’ve come, and in particular break down some of the sexy details of their newly released battle with each other in BG East’s Passion and Punishment.I shared my very enthusiastic thoughts about that match last week, so what a treat to delve deeper into that incredibly sexy battle with the two studs in question. The conversation took some twists and turns that I did not expect, and there’s some reckoning still to happen now that some words were spoken on the record, that a particular wrestler can’t take back now. So buckle up for this wild ride with two sizzling sexy sophomores and one very turned-on blogger.
Bard: Drake and Mason, thanks for chatting with me. This is my first time interviewing two handsome studs at the same time. Thanks for being my first 3-way!
Mason: Happy to oblige. I hope Drake isn’t too intimidated being in the same interview with me.
Bard: After the bruising you took in your recent match, Drake, I could imagine why you might feel intimidated. Any post-traumatic flashbacks sitting down for this chat with Mason here?
Drake: Always…always a pleasure, Bard. When it comes to Mason, however, I don’t believe that what I feel in regards to him is “intimidation”, per se. I would say that it’s more akin to “awareness.” No false, swaggering bravado on my part…a “no spin zone” if you will. I’m well aware that I got my ass whupped all over that mat room, very well aware. So what I feel is more of an “awareness” of what he’s capable of now, so our inevitable rematch will involve a little more calculation than what I normally bring to a match up. I’m surprised my shoulders are still functioning after that shit.
Bard: I have to admit, I was a little worried about lasting damage to your body as well. Glad to hear you’re still in working order and plotting the rematch. Mason, you quite clearly had a plan in mind when you arrived on the mats that day. What was going through your head when you posted Drake’s photo on the wall and wrote “property of Mason Brooks” across it?
Mason: So I have a little confession. I try to let my wrestling do the talking, so to speak. But when I found out my next match was against precious little Drake, I just couldn’t resist playing a few head games. He really is fun to mess with, even when you don’t have him locked up in a bodyscissor, and watching the frustration bloom across his face is half the fun. Besides, I needed to set everyone straight, and make them realize I’m no jobber (those last two boys got lucky, I got distracted by their Canadian-ness). So I thought, what better way to make my mark as a real threat than to, literally, mark him as my property? Oh sure, I started with the picture, ’cause I knew that would get him going, but from the start I had visions of him lying there helpless with my name written in big letters across his chest. I planned that match in my mind a hundred times, and then I made it happen. I’m just glad they filmed it so I can watch my handiwork, and take satisfaction in a job well done. After they see this match, no one will mistake me for a jobber. And that is what we Washingtonians call controlling the narrative.
Bard: Controlling is definitely the first word that comes to my mind as I watch that session. It also seemed that sending a message was on both of your minds. How much do both of you have your fans in mind when you step onto the mat?
Drake: If there’s one thing Drake values more than his meds, it’s his fans. It’s why I started the blog (it’s not been abandoned, promise), it’s why my undercover photo sprees are now infamous (my lips are sealed on the culprit of the last one, however). Not only was Mason’s liberty with my photo and my sharpie an affront to me, it was an affront to my fans. I mean who the hell wants Mason’s “autograph” on my picture?! And I swore to myself I would make him pay. I had the best of intentions, I swear. Nobody can say I didn’t fight my heart out.
Mason: I also had Drake’s fans in mind.
Mason: Seriously, though, when you’re in the middle of an intense match like that, part of you knows the fans are watching and you want to make something that’s enjoyable to watch, but mostly that takes a back seat to more immediate concerns, like the guy whose abs you’re beating on at the moment. There’s no time to think about much else. Hopefully that intensity comes through and makes the match fun for everyone to watch.
Drake: I find myself echoing some of the same sentiments.
Bard: You’re both incredibly intense wrestlers who are always a blast to watch! I couldn’t help but notice you both mention during your match adoring comments that have been made about you. Of course, I’m thinking of the references to Drake as the Cheshire Cat of homoerotic wrestling and the description of Mason’s nipples as “magical.” I like to take credit for both of those talking points when it comes to your PR (though I suspect I’m not the first to refer to your nipples as magical, Mason). Do comments from fans and bloggers ever help psych you up as you prepare for a match? In other words, do you ever read your own PR, and does that ever figure into what you’re bringing into the mat room with you?
Drake: I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have the Drake Marcos’ reference section of Neverland bookmarked on my desktop. I hope you don’t mind that I claimed the Bard-coined Cheshire Cat moniker as my own. Also I have never deleted an email from a fan yet. I use this as kind of a launching point: things that fans want from my matches and always try to do fans a service that way. But in terms of psyching myself up for a match? I’m like a tightly wound spring, in that regard. Always have a bit of gear and a can of red bull in my bag, ready to go.
Bard: Mind!? Are you crazy! Turned on, more like. I just have to figure out what sort of royalty payments you owe me. Mason, do you follow your own PR, and if so, can I get kickbacks every time you use the phrase “magical” to describe your nipples?
Drake: I think we all know Mason enjoys having his considerable ego stroked…among other things.
Mason: Feel free to draw something up, Bard, and I’ll have my legal team look it over.
Bard: I’ll fax something over in the morning. There will be lots of stroking involved. So this was, I believe, the first time we’ve seen you wrestle naked, Mason. How was the experience of wrestling naked on camera for you ?
Mason: I didn’t think too much about it, actually. It just sort of happened in the moment. And then that horse was out of the barn, as they say, so I went with it. Being buck naked is very liberating, I must say. Although one must be careful not to, (ahem), squash anything. Other than Drake, of course. I was happy to squash him.
Drake: Yeah, yeah…
Bard: Well I hope we get to see that horse liberated often! Now, Drake, this wasn’t the first time we’ve seen your trunks ripped off and your naked fineness dragged across the mat. While it’s our pleasure to see your body getting fitter with every match, it doesn’t look like you’re exactly enjoying being on the short end of another brutal, humiliating beating. In a conversation I recently had with another wrestler who will remain anonymous you were referred to as a “sweet jobber.” How do you feel about the moniker “jobber,” and what keeps your head in the game after a series of such crushing defeats?
Drake: Thank you for noting my progress; the attention and compliments are very appreciated. I think I have an idea as to just who that wrestler was that referred to me in such a manner; his wording narrows the list of suspects considerably. Maybe when you finally accept my challenge/invitation I can allay my suspicions by beating the culprit’s name out of you. Despite my less-than-stellar track record at BG, I kind of balk at the title “jobber” (because that’s what it is…a “title”, NOT a “moniker”…it’s not my name or identity. Trust). No one likes getting their ass kicked. I was seriously untested and inexperienced when I stepped onto the mats for my baptism/trial by fire with Gabriel Ross and since then, from each and every significant thumping that I endure, I learn and take a lot that will help inform my future matches. Someone once said you have to lose your life to find it; you have to die to be reborn. I do believe that my soul crushing trouncing in the ring by Jonny along with my equally disheartening loss on the mats to you-know-who has been a… Y’know what? Just prepare yourself for the coming Rebirth. I can just feel it. How do I keep my head in the game? The fact that I know that all the “jobber” comments and dismissiveness that people regard me with are just the growing pains I have to go through before I reach my full potential. This whipping boy is taking up the lash.
Bard: Sounds like we should be watching for the Second Coming of Drake. I certainly mean no offense when I ask about the term jobber. From the fan side of things, some of the hottest commodities are the sweetly selling jobbers, and as Mason mentioned during your match, you are nothing short of beautiful when your face is twisted up in agony. That said, I think I remember suggesting that if you won something in the year-end BGE awards, then I might have to take your call out seriously. So congratulations on your match with Jonny winning Best Squash, and bring it on, stud! Though, if you don’t enjoy getting your ass kicked, I’ll understand if you don’t want to risk it. What were some of the lessons you learned with Mason’s ass sitting on your face?
[extensive, awkward silence]
Mason: This isn’t the first time someone’s been dumbstruck by my ass.
Bard: I believe that. A lot.
Drake: Sorry, was answering some fan mail. I love compliments, I really do and there is a certain group that like to see me fading out in a sleeper. Hey, I’m not going to knock people’s tastes. Fans just need to not get so…comfortable. Even though I got completely bulldozed by Jonny, I can’t hate on it. I lobbied hard for that award. There would have been…repercussions if I didn’t get something for that match besides bruising that lasted for a little over a week. Despite my humbling ordeal against Mason, I did learn a lot, but, Bard, what does it matter what kind of bullets are in the gun as long as the gun is loaded? It’s my ammo! To answer that question would be akin to emptying the clip. Uh-uh…no way. However, step on the mats with me, Bard. You can learn first hand just what I’ve learned.
Bard: Personally I’d like to see you trussed up on a turnbuckle in the ring again, but mat, ring, whatever. We’ll see what we can do, stud. Now try to pay attention as Mason discusses where he’s still learning to up his game, because you could use a little practice scouting your competition, if you want that rematch. So, Mason, other than facing Canadians, what are your… I don’t want to say weaknesses… growing edges?
Mason: Ha, “growing edges,” I like that. I try to learn something from every match, win or lose, (not that losing is much of a concern these days). As much as a wrestling match is about physical strength and skill, I’ve learned just how important it is to go in with the right attitude, and pay attention to the mental dynamics at play. There have definitely been a few matches–including my firstfew for BG East–where I went in with a certain trepidation, just because I was the new guy, or because the other guy is bigger, or talks a big game. The truth is, though, every guy–every guy–has a part of him that feels weak and can be intimidated. The trick is to find that and exploit it. Some guys are just more easily exploited than others [*cough* *cough*]. So I feel like I’m getting better at that mental aspect of the competition, and I look forward to taking on the challenges that BG East has in store for me with a renewed sense of confidence.
Bard: That makes total sense, and I can clearly seeing you doing exactly that in all of your matches thus far. I also love how no one had been able to resist locking lips with you. I hope that theme continues in your march to greatness. Since you’re feeling the wind at your back, would you be willing to give Drake some pointers as he toils away at that first on-camera victory? What does he need to do to pull all of his experience on the short end of the stick together into a winning plan?
Drake: He wins one match so he’s a pro offering lessons now? What a crock!
Mason: Ya know, green isn’t a good color on you, boy. Anyway, Bard, I think the best advice I could give is to clear your mind, forget about all your previous matches, all your previous opponents, and come at the next one like it’s your first, a real clean slate. Now, in the case of me, that might be difficult, since I’m pretty much unforgettable, but I wish him the best of luck with that. I’d like nothing better than to see Drake turn things around and notch one in the winner’s column.
Bard: Now, that’s just sweet and sportsmanlike! Since you do have more matches on your resume, Drake, do you have any gems of wisdom to share with Mr. Magical Nipples?
Mason: Oh boy, here we go…
Drake: Thank you, Mason, for your words of “wisdom.” I think there’s some solid advice in there. I will say this, you may have Bard and the others fooled with this “good guy” act, but I’m unconvinced. But here’s my advice: watch your back. And stay away from Jonny. Nothing will crush this little victory lap that you’re on faster than 5 minutes in the ring with him.
Bard: What do the two of you think about other wrestlers at BGE? In addition to Jonny, who do think are the toughest competitors currently in the mix? Which headliners are the most overhyped?
Drake: I think Jonny should tread lightly when it comes to Lane Hartley. The man is gorgeous and so, so deadly. Overhyped? Mason Brooks….but you said “headliners.” In all seriousness though, every guy on the roster is there for a reason, they all have something to bring to the table, and have reached their level of popularity for a reason, and I can only hope that my star continues to shine and maybe one day as bright as theirs.
Bard: Okay, Mason, Drake has just pulled all his punches. Tell us, straight from the hip, who do you think is the real deal at BGE and who’s treading on thin ice?
Mason: Let’s see. I’ve seen enough of Jonny to know that he knows his stuff. Same with Ethan Axel. They both have the skills, and it shows. As for those two on the cover of our latest DVD, Skrapper and Trey, I’m not convinced. Both of them are a little too pretty to seem like much of a threat on the mats, but there’s only one way to find out for sure. I guess I’ll just have to take them both on.
Bard: I just swooned. My mind is going to spin for days trying to decide in a Mason-Skrapper-Trey sandwich, who is the filling. What do you say to prospective wrestlers thinking about trying out for BG East? Now that you’re sophomores, what can you tell aspiring homoerotic wrestlers to prepare them for what they’ll find should they make it to the dance?
Drake: First off, make sure this is really what you want to do, because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Secondly, put your training into overdrive, working for BG is not easy, it’s actually work. Now with that disclaimer, I would say that they can expect to find a feeling of homecoming: being around others with a like mind, shared vision, similar passions, camaraderie, lasting friendships, sexy wrestling (of course). However, be prepared to have your strength and endurance tested. Train like never before.
Bard: Sounds like a good gig. As I’m sitting here with you two, there are two words that keep popping up for me: tag team. A Marcos/Brooks team sounds like an awesomely sexy and dangerous pairing. Either of you thought about tag teaming?
Drake: I’m sure I can put my considerable ego aside and work with Mason, if he feels the same , especially since I know what he’s capable of now. I mean, we kind of dominated those games of pool chicken that those leaked pictures showed.
Bard: Exactly my thinking. What do you think about the idea, Mason?
Mason: Yeah, we did make a good team in the pool, and I feel like Drake was a natural in the girl’s role. It must be easier when you have a guy with a strong (and sexy) pair of legs supporting you. I would definitely be up for a tag team match, since it’s something I haven’t done yet. Especially if they paired us up against the right team. Maybe another recent winner/loser pair? We just have to be careful–watching Drake can be mesmerizing, so I might get distracted and forget to come to his rescue. Or turn on him… Nah, I’m not that kind of guy. I can be a little, uhh, what’s the word…arrogant, perhaps? But I’m also loyal to a fault. If Drake was my teammate, I’d whip both the other guys, just for bragging rights. I do so enjoy bragging.
Drake: [sighs angrily]
Bard: I’m not sure that’s a formula for victory, but I want a front row seat for that match, because that would be some sweet, sexy drama! And I couldn’t agree with you more that Drake is awfully mesmerizing to watch wrestle. Between your nipples and Drake’s pretty face, I think you two could make quite the mesmerizing duo. I knew that doing this tandem interview would turn out to be a wild ride. Anything else either of you would like to say to each other… or me… or either army of your respective fans?
Mason: I just got a chance to watch the match yesterday, and I think it’s something pretty special, so I hope everybody enjoys it as much as Drake enjoyed getting worked over by me. I’ve probably said it before, but the fans are what keep us pushing harder to look our best, fight our hardest, and make the best match videos we can. I’ve been humbled (well, almost humbled) by the amount of support and encouragement I’ve received since my debut, and it makes me eager to keep reaching for bigger and better things. Who knows what this year will hold? Maybe I’ll turn my attention to the ring. And Drake my boy, if you ever feel like getting some practice in, you know where to find me. I promise to go a little easier on you, and to leave the Sharpie at home.
Bard: Well said, of course, Mason. You have as remarkable a facility with words as you do with wrestling. And since you mention it, I have to say that despite Drake’s comment about not enjoying getting his ass kicked, I could swear he’s enjoying it at least a little when you have him racked over your back near the end of your match. His lips may say “no, no” but that swelling cock seems to sing another tune. What say you, Drake?
Drake: Listen, at the end of the day, wrestling turns me on. Whether I’m getting my ass kicked or kicking ass (it’s gonna fuckin’ happen!!!) it’s incredibly arousing to have two sweaty bodies rubbing up against each other, muscles straining, hearts racing, breaths ragged. It’s what drew me to it before and what keeps me coming back now. I’ll admit it, Mason’s hot, and the view of me across his shoulders only increases the sexiness tenfold. I mean, I am mesmerizing (as you both have stated). About fans: they are everything, seriously. I probably would have withered up by this point if I didn’t get besieged with messages when I log on to global, or when I receive an email from someone who stumbled across my blog, wanting to know when I’m getting back to it (hint: soon), or telling me they see themselves on the page. I too find myself humbled and grateful to talk to people everyday that enjoy my work as well as wrestling in general, and then getting to know them as people. The digital age has made this great big world so much smaller – the little closet gay boy out in the boonies who enjoys wrestling with his friends because of his physiological response to it and has to live vicariously through the stuff he finds on the net. I was that kid, and now I get to live out my dream. Live what you love. Granted, the world of homoerotic wrestling is a small one. We’re a niche little world and an unglamorous one but, shit, I get to live a dream!! I’ve developed some amazing friendships through this whole journey, and am eager to see what happens next and hopefully am able to give my fans (and wrestling fans in general) what they want, and have come to expect, from BG. The ride has just begun.
Bard: Obviously, Drake, you also have an awesome ability to communicate the heart and passion of what turns so many of us on about homoerotic wrestling. I’m so inspired by your eloquence that it makes me feel a little ambivalent about needing to join the swelling ranks of guys who’ve worn you out. Mason, what do you think? Should I let young Drake off the hook for all his trash talk tossed my way, or does he need yet one more serving of humble pie?
Drake: Um, you’re fine… Looking for a way out, Bard?
Bard: [laughing] No! Just thought I should check with Mason since he appears to now own you, lock, stock, and fully aroused barrel. Don’t want to plant my flag on already claimed territory.
Drake: He only thinks he owns me! And the only planting that…you want to take this outside?
Bard: If need be, sure, but settle down there buckaroo. Mason earned the right to express his opinion on the subject right around the time he had you weeping for mercy draped across his shoulders. I’d like to hear what he has to say, seeing how he has the most recent read on just how much brutality and humiliation you can survive.
Mason: As much as I would love to think that I was the one who finally gave Drake his fill of punishment, I’m sure he’s already secretly eager for more.
Bard: Oh, no Drake. I am so sorry. I think that was the sound of your last chance leaving the building.
Drake: What are you apologizing for? I’ve been itching to show you just what I can do, Bard. That was your last chance!
Bard: Well, we can sort out the details of Drake’s next drubbing between the two of us. You two have made my first 3-way a true delight, and given me a lot to contemplate. I cannot wait to see where your wrestling careers take you next, and I hope that includes a 3-way rumble between Mason, Skrapper, and Trey, and a much needed recuperative vacation for Drake once I’m done with him. I hope you’ll stay in touch, Mason, and I hope you don’t hold it against me after I spank your ass, Drake!
Drake: Bring it, Bard…your writing won’t save you on the mats. Let’s do this!
Mason: Let me know if you guys need a ref.
Bard: If you wear speedos and a smirk, you’re hired. And my mind blowing wrestling fantasy will be complete!
BG East just released catalog 102, and among a whole bevy of beautiful wrestling promised, there’s one news item I have to gush over immediately.
Logan Vaughn has made his BG East debut in Hunkbash 15! If you don’t know Logan Vaughn, let me introduce you. Logan, this is your soon-to-be adoring wrestling fan base. Neverland readers, this is stunningly gorgeous porn star Logan Vaughn.
Do you ever shoot the shit with other wrestling fans and talk about non-wrestlers who should be not only wrestling, but wrestling in the homoerotic end of the pool? I know you do. Me, too. And I kid you not, about a year ago I had a sidebar with a wrestling fan who knows both wrestling and porn, and I proposed that one hot hunk of porn star beef who would be awesome in the homoerotic wrestling ring would be Logan Vaughn. My conversation partner agreed wholeheartedly. And there it ended.
And then I pull up catalog 102 and see Logan Vaughn is the new BG East poster boy! Fuck. Yes. Yes. Yes. Now industry observers will, I’m sure, note that this is not technically Logan’s first foray into the wrestling scene. Technically, a little over a year ago he appeared with Aryx Quinn and a boatload of other pornboys in Jet Set Men’s “Ultimate Top,” a parody of a reality-show wrestling elimination competition. Logan’s performance in that release was what stoked my imagination about his promise, but to be clear, his wrestling work in Ultimate Top is extremely weak and mostly just brief foreplay for him getting fucked in the ring. But those gargantuan, mouthwatering legs of his absolutely blew my mind! Just imagine wrapping those beasts around an opponent’s noggin and milking every last ounce of consciousness out of him!!!
Perhaps we don’t need to imagine any longer, because Logan’s BG East debut is a ring match against newcomer pro heel big, beautiful Lane Hartley. Logan’s thighs don’t look like they were quite as mammothly conditioned as I’ve seen them before, but they’re huge, hairy, and he looks picture perfect in trunks, boots, and the BG East wrestling ring!
BG East and Logan Vaughn. Two fantastic things that I’ve thought for a long time would be spectacular together.