Charming as Fuck

Last month’s release of Ring Rookies 5 marked the sophomore appearance of Chase Addams at BG East. He made a big impression on me in his debut last summer as a newbie featured in an unprecedented two matches on one DVD in Tag Team Torture 19. When I got the chance to interview him and his already-former tag team partner, Ty Alexander, I could easily see why Chase has already earned the defining adjective of “charming.” Frankly, I’ve been jonesin’ to see Charming Chase climb into the ring again, and was delighted as fuck to finally get my wish granted in his fantastic match against another hot rookie charmer, Charlie Evans. Having formally reviewed the match earlier, I was further thrilled to get Charming Chase on the line for another interview, breaking down his most recent ring performance and speculating on all things homoerotic wrestling.


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Charming Chase Addams

Bard: Chase Addams, welcome back to my interview chair! What have you been up to since we spoke last summer?

Chase: Thanks Bard, I haven’t been up to too terribly much. I’ve moved from the country to the city recently, more people who wrestle and hone my craft with.

Bard: Congratulations on the move. Lucky urbanites who now have the opportunity to get into your wrestling schedule! I also remember a sensationally intense promo you posted on Facebook around the New Year. As I remember, that video caught a whole lot attention, including from The Boss himself.

Chase: Ah, yes, the reaction video. It was less a promo and more so a stream of consciousness. I was just giving my honest feedback on how I felt the results from the “end of year” voting came out. I may or may not have called out some people and thrown some others under the bus.

Bard: Congratulations on the huge success that your Tag Team Torture 19 did in the polls. Best Ring Match and Best Overall Match for your first on camera appearances at BG East is an epic achievement. As I recall, from your video reaction, you weren’t quite satisfied, though. You took issue with Beauxregard edging you out for Best Debut, and even called out Jonny Firestorm for coasting to the Top Heel award.

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Beauxregard – Debut of the Year 2016

Chase: What can I say? Fans certainly have their tastes, Beaux and I definitely appeal to two very different customers. I’m the young, thin, crafty grappler, and he is the big muscle daddy. BG does its best to please everyone. As a mutual friend pointed out, Beaux is willing to get naked in every match. I’m not about that life personally. I won’t say it will never happen, but when it does, I want it to be especially memorable. Beaux is almost a reminder of someone like BBW, so while I’m not “okay” losing the vote to him, I can rationalize it. Jonny is a little different. Jonny is someone that I always looked up to and aspired to be like even before I stepped foot into a BG ring. He’s undoubtedly one of the top heels of the company, which is why I called him out. When you need to make a name for yourself, you call out the biggest dog in the yard and you put him down.

Bard: That sounds like a mature response to a disappointing loss in the polls. As for you wrestling naked, let me just be the first to say, “yes, please!” A little tease can definitely make the gift that much more enjoyable to unwrap. Just don’t tease us forever. Gay wrestling fans are notoriously fickle.

Chase: [laughing] Our community does have a thing for instant gratification. There is no patience anymore. Oh, fuck, no, we are completely intolerant of delayed gratification these days. Alas.

 

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Biggest dog in the yard Jonny Firestorm

Bard: I love that you’ve got your sights set on Jonny. And again, it sounds like you’ve made a mature, careful calculation that getting the respect you feel you deserve requires you to take on the best. Speaking of delays and prolonged teases, it seemed to me like there was a long delay between your debut DVD last summer and your follow-up appearance with BG East just a couple of weeks ago.

 

Chase: Yeah, how about that? Patience is a virtue, but even I was starting to get a little curious as to what was going on. I have learned that they try to group similar matches together for a DVD, such as tag team torture or backyard brawl. And to be fair, I have shown up with some “new” match ideas, and I can now see the problem with those being that there aren’t other like-matches to group them with onto a single DVD. Perhaps I can film a few more unique matches, and they can just put a compilation of them together and call it Chase’s Charm School.

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Taking Charlie to charm school

Bard: Damn, that’s… a fantastic idea! And I love that you’re already picturing yourself as the anchor of a franchise. I reviewed your Ring Rookies 5 match recently, and needless to say, I loved it. A lot. With just 3 matches in your catalog so far, already 2 of them are grudge matches. Is that first tag team loss going to haunt you forever, do you think?

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Christian Taylor’s “pretty little head”

Chase: I feel like “haunt” isn’t the best word to use. If I was being haunted by something, it would be terrorizing me. Personally I feel like those three who got in my way in the tag team match are the ones who should be hiding from me. Ty and Charlie have already fallen victim. If Christian knows what’s good for him, he will stay off my radar. That being said, I really hope he flies onto my radar.

Bard: It’s certainly true you’ve picked off both Ty and now Charlie in singles competition, and I’d pay money to see BGE’s resident kissing champ, Christian Taylor, face down your Will Breaker again. Fuck, I’d pay triple if that were to turn into your first full Monty match.

Chase: Who knows. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. Christian has to rear his pretty little head first. If he doesn’t, there are a few others I’ve been scoping out as possibilities.

Bard: Sweet homoerotic wrestling gods, I’m just picturing Christian, stripped naked, trussed up in your Will Breaker. Fuck, talk about a haunting image. I will use every Jedi mind trick at my disposal to get that match to happen. Your match against adorable Charlie Evans certainly turned brutal, now didn’t it?

Chase: What I wouldn’t do to get my hands all over Charlie Evans all over again.

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Chase gets his hands all over Charlie

Bard: I definitely noted that you seemed to enjoy your hands lingering on Charlie’s tight, taut little muscles. Am I correct that wrestling Charlie was turning you on?

Chase: I will let you decide for yourself.

Bard: Well, if it were up to me, that match would’ve been both your and Charlie’s full Monty debut. I’m a big fan of the fiery, earnest little Ginger Warrior for a lot of reasons. What is about Charlie that inspired you to stroke and squeeze and sample his flyweight body?

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Eyes on the prize

Chase: He’s just so innocent and pure… I want to corrupt him.

Bard: [laughing] Fuck, that’s hot. He does have a bit of Dudley Do-right about him, doesn’t he? I’ve been crushing on his tight ass for a long time, so I just have to ask what it was like digging your fingertips into those sweet, snowy white cheeks?

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The dance

Chase: Like I said, I’d do anything to get my hands back on him. I feel like I will someday. Charlie and I have debuted together, and I feel like we’re going to be doing this dance together for a long time to come.

Bard: I’m infatuated by your infatuation! As you know, I’ve been following this industry fanatically for a long time, and I think it’s about time we saw a premier young wrestler who is primarily motivated to climb back into the ring by pure lust. I love the bro-downs, the macho need to be top dog and all of that, but a sexy young stud who just wants to conquer an opponent in order to satisfy erotic desire is so needed in this business! We should be clear that Charlie was most definitely no pushover against you, though.

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Ginger tricks

Chase: Charlie caught me off guard for sure. Those same tricks won’t happen again. He had better learn new tricks or be waiting for me on a silver platter.

Bard: I think you and Charlie also have in common an honest appreciation for the science and art of pro wrestling. You both take a lot of pride in innovating and branding your signature moves. His Ginger Snap is one of the sexiest maneuvers I’ve seen in a long time. But he couldn’t pull that move off on you a second time.

Chase: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. He’s definitely going to think twice before attempting that again with me.

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Ginger Snap Interrupted

Bard: Your counter to his Ginger Snap was a sight to behold. For fans who haven’t seen it, just as Charlie went in for a handstand, locking his legs around your head to snap you head over heels to the mat, you actually grab him around the back and pull him up onto your chest, your face buried in his crotch. The lingering pause right at the moment is sooooo sexy. But I’m sure you’re right, he won’t soon forget you power slamming him to his back from 6 feet in the air.

Chase: I do like to leave a mark.

Bard: Fuck, his porcelain white skin is so marked up with hot, fire engine red marks by the end of that match. I loved getting another look at your Will Breaker. Actually, you tie Charlie up twice in that gravity defying hold. I count 3 times you’ve applied the Will Breaker on camera, and you’ve milked out a screaming submission every time. Do you think of that as your signature move?

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Will Breaker

Chase: It’s weird to think of the Will Breaker as the signature move, because I can’t apply it on everyone. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was first learning how to do the move. I got overly ambitious with a guy who was a little heavier than I was and ended up in the ER. Suspending someone’s entire body weight isn’t easy. It’s a challenge of strength and balance.

Bard: Damn, that sounds like a hard lesson to have learned. I’m glad you came out of it to wrestle another day. You certainly have a deeper arsenal of holds than most rookies I’ve seen. Do you improvise a lot, based on what you encounter in the midst of the match, or are you more of a planner, climbing in with a game plan and executing it?

Chase: I go into each match with a plan, but as you saw with Charlie, sometimes I lose myself in the moment and go purely off instinct. I wasn’t planning on holding Charlie by the neck against me as I ran my free hand across his sexy body, but it happened in the moment, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

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The art of improvisation

Bard: Well, that was inspired, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve gone on the record saying that I think pristine little Charlie could very well snap at some point at show us a truly momentous heel turn for the ages. You place-kicking him in the balls, nibbling on his ear, putting him out cold in a figure-4 choke have got to help that process along. What do you think of the idea of Charlie turning dark?

Chase: I’d love to be the one to help him find that inner darkness.

Bard: Would you ever team up again for a tag match, say with Dark Charlie, or did Tag Team Torture 19 spoil you for team efforts?

Chase: Well, I’ll never say never

Bard: So you’ve got your sights set on Jonny, you could poke the bear that is Beauxregard, and you fully expect to find Charlie in your orbit in the future. Who else do you think could end up being another stepping stone along your path to conquer BG East?

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#1 Jayden Mayne

Chase: Jayden Mayne will forever remain my number one most desired opponent. I have always been a huge fan of his work. There are others who I feel are in everyone’s sights like Kid Karisma (and for good reason). Two new people who I’ve seen that I really enjoyed was Cap Landon and Zip Zarella. Joey King is also one who would be fun. Outside of that there are some others who haven’t made a debut or even a recording yet, but I hear whispers of talks being done. I won’t divulge the rumor mill with any names since all I’ve heard are whisperings with no confirmations.

Bard: I’ll keep plying you with charm until I get your secrets out of you.

Chase: Hmm, out charming me? That’d be a first.

Bard: [laughing] I can always try. I love your short list of opponents to tackle. I’m a long-standing fan of Jayden, and I’m also a little instantly infatuated with Zip and Cap. I’ve seen some pretty fucking inspiring victory poses of you on your Facebook page, celebrating over the beaten bodies of some private opponents. Are your private matches an asset for your BG East work? Are you able to try out new holds, or do those tend to be less competitive?

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Keeping on top of the local competition

Chase: The St. Louis wrestling community isn’t nearly as large as the ones in a place like Boston, so we are really closely knit group. We try to meet every few weeks to at least practice holds to make sure we’re not getting rusty or to try out new things. It’s pretty great.

Bard: I like hearing that there’s a camaraderie there. That definitely sounds like an asset. Speaking of assets, I don’t know that I’ve talked since you were my personal pick for Best Nipples of 2016. I hope all the attention on our nips doesn’t end up making them a target for future opponents.

Chase: I don’t mind having a target on me. Comes with being the best.

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Chase a couple of days ago, in fighting shape

Bard: Well, in that case, consider me painting two targets right there across your hot chest! There’s definitely a whole different line of offense for wrestling in homoerotic circles when compared to mainstream pro. I know you’re a fanatical student of pro, but when it comes to underground gay, do you feel like you’re well-prepared for the nipple torture, ball bashing, cock stroking angles that some BG East matches hinge upon?

Chase: I’m more than ready.

Bard: Sensational! I’m looking forward to it. As both a wrestler and a fan, are there aspects of wrestling that you find a particular turn on? Particular holds? Body types? Character types?

Chase: I just love the psychological aspect. The hunter/prey thing peaks my “interest.”

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That moment a predator sinks his teeth into his prey

Bard: I hear you. The drama of the conquest sorts me right out. Some hot, cocky wrestler getting broken and owned is definitely “interesting” to me. Which I think is what grabs me so hard with your career thus far. Your last two matches are so motivated. You walk in with a point to make, and bit by bit, hold by hold, you make it. With a few matches now under your belt, what advice would you give to total newbies just about to sign up for their first BG East match?

Chase: [laughing] Stay out of my way or be bent into a pretzel.

Bard: That sounds like sage advice that I most certainly hope that no one follows! Is there anything more you can tell fans about your plans for upcoming matches? Any new holds you’re working?

Chase: Oh, I’m always working on new holds and things of that nature. I can’t go into details about upcoming releases, but like I said earlier, I film “unique” matches which is why my releases are kind of spread out. Just know that when my name is placed in the catalog that I’m about to steal the show.

Bard: Well, my heart pumps faster when I see a new release with your name on it. You continue to be charming, as advertised. I want to thank you for returning to my interview chair again. I hope it won’t be the last time.

Chase: Anytime for you Bard

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Charm School Headmaster

Typical Canadian, eh?

In all honesty, I admit that I sometimes engage in borderline stalking to line up an interview. Nothing too creepy.  At least, I hope not. But I sleuth around a bit to try to finagle contact information for a wrestler I’m wanting to chat up (for journalistic purposes, of course). So, sometimes my interviews emerge from what feels like a lot of effort, tedious legwork, and more than a hefty dose of flattery and persuasion to get a hunk to let me pepper him with questions. But then again, sometimes it just seems to happen organically. Show up someplace. Someone looks familiar, but I’m struggling to put my finger on how I recognize him. Start up a chat, and next thing I know, I discover that I’m already enjoying getting to know a hot hunk who also just happens to appear stripped to next to nothing and working up a sweat in wrestling competition on a homoerotic wrestling site I frequent. It was more that second scenario that landed me a delightful on-the-record interview with none other than BG East babyface badboy, the rosy cheeked Canadian, Hawk Rodman. He’s relatively new to the scene, thus my delayed recognition. I admit to being more than a little curious about Hawk, based on his wrestling resume at BG East and some backstory provided by the BGE website. Since I’ve written my share of those BGE website match descriptions, I know for a fact that they can sometimes include some strategic embellishments of wrestlers’ histories, so I was fascinated to see how well the PR lines up with the man named Hawk. Once we sorted out how our world’s overlap, this was how the conversation went when he agreed to go on the record:

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Baby faced badass, Hawk Rodman

Bard: Hawk Rodman, I’m always excited to get the chance to talk to an up-and-comer at BG East. In your match with Skip Vance, he mentions that you’re Canadian. How does someone from notoriously well-mannered, low-key Canada find his way into the brutal, nasty, vicious world of BG East wrestling?

Hawk: Good question. When I became aware and fell in love with all aspects of BG, I emailed the Boss and told him how much I love the matches BG offers. He promptly wrote back and we connected in a chatroom. After much chatting he invited me to Pembroke to film some matches.

Bard: The match description online for your debut match against Jonny Firestorm says that you intended from the start to build a career as a heel. What attracts you about the role of a pro wrestling heel?

Hawk: Being a heel comes naturally to me, despite my low-key upbringing. I have a dominant streak that must be satisfied and usually does. People often don’t catch on to that side of me, but they learn quickly.

Bard: I could definitely see that. I hope you don’t mind me saying that you have a handsome, baby face, so it’s that much more exciting to watch you lick your lips and really sink your teeth into little Skip Vance in your Wrestle Shack match. Does it work in your favor, when opponents don’t recognize how badass you are at first?

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You want to pinch those adorable cheeks, don’t you? I dare you.

Hawk: Well, thank you. I enjoyed sinking my teeth into little Skip. He was a great opponent and sexy as hell. Oftentimes, it does work in my favor, and other times I get my ass beat, like with Jonny.

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Wrecked by the best

Bard: Damn, you got mauled by Jonny! What an epic beat down! Were you rethinking this whole foray into BG East wrestling by the end of that match?

Hawk: Oh, hell no! I had my ass served to me on a platter, but wouldn’t trade it for anything. Have to be able to take it as well and dish it out.

Bard: Well, the beating you take in that match is breathtaking to watch. Jonny is in rare form, and you just keep egging him on. Even when you concede, you’re swearing at him. Did you pick up any of Jonny’s deep bag of tricks on the receiving end of that beat down?

Hawk: Jonny is one of a kind! I was more focused on surviving that match and coming out in one piece!

Bard: Were you so focused on surviving that you weren’t even aware of just how hot Jonny’s body is? Because I could swear I noticed you copping a feel of his hot ass on more than one occasion, which, frankly, I think is pure genius.

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Hawk samples Jonny’s ass

Hawk: (laughing) I was more than aware, and, yes, I was sampling that hot ass. I may have been down, but not dead.

Bard: (laughing) Genius! Any wrestler who has his wits about him enough to get the shit kicked out of him and still grab a hot ass in the process is my hero! I also don’t know that I’ve ever seen Jonny’s bulge so… bulging as it was in your match with him. How was it for you, when he was schoolboy pinning you and slapping down that massively stuffed pouch across your face?

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Punishmentreward

Hawk: It felt more like a reward as opposed to the humiliating pin that it was. I certainly wasn’t complaining!

Bard: Although it was a very different match, I also didn’t get a sense that you had any complaints about your match with Skip Vance, either. The sexual tension in the wrestle shack was palpable before you two even started wrestling!

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Instant sexual tension

Hawk: Yes we could taste the tension, and I was very eager to own him! He has quite the super twink body with a hot little ass.

Bard: It was fabulous to see your darker side in this match. Again, you’ve got that baby face, and then that’s such a contrast to when you really start to bully Skip. A couple of times you grab him by the back of the neck and toss his skinny body into a wall, and it’s so sexy to watch. Does taking ownership of an opponent like that turn you on?

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Hawk grabs his prey

Hawk: That “dark side,” as you put it, is my true self shining through. Dominate your opponent and own him, as much as the match permits. Yes, it does turn me on.

Bard: I’ve got a little trigger response to hearing Skip cry in pain, so you can just imagine how aroused I was throughout that match. He’s most definitely no pushover, though. He’s scrappy and surprisingly strong for his size. Is it hotter for you when an opponent makes you work that hard for it, or would you just as soon squash him like a bug and take possession of your prize?

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Hawk takes possession

Hawk: Definitely just squash him like an insect and take ownership! That rarely happens though. The one-sided squash isn’t that common especially for new guys. You have to show what you’re made of, what you can bring to the ring. Often times you’re wrestling a hotter opponent, and if you can make him look good, hopefully he will return the favor. As long as I win more than I loose.

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“Fuck you, I can’t breathe!” You think I want you to breathe?!

Bard: Well, I would not be one to argue that you are an ounce less hot than Skip. And when you are really plowing into him near the end, totally in control, wearing him the fuck out, you are sensationally hot to watch dominating him. There’s this moment where you’ve just choked him to yet another whimpering, crying submission, and he bitches at you about not being able to breathe. You literally slap him in the face and ask, “You think I want you to breathe!?” Right at that moment, you can watch Skip’s smart ass, fun-and-games clowning around come to a screeching halt. … I’m supposed to be asking you a question here, but I’m realizing that I just want to fawn a little bit over how sexy you are in the saddle!

Hawk: Glad you liked the match. It was a lot of fun to wrestle him! I think it was a good showcase for both of us.

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Fabrice got a handle on Hawk!

Bard: And speaking of your win-loss record, your most recent match against Fabrice was a nail-biter to the very bitter end. You struggled against his super sexy, incredibly lean body to generate some momentum. How was Fabrice able to derail you?

Hawk: He was another great opponent. It was a good back and forth match, and I will admit that he won, although I want a rematch ASAP. I may have been a bit overconfident and mildly distracted by his tight body.

Bard: Fabrice has got to know that his ass comes nowhere close to being contained in those ultra skinny tights of his, doesn’t he? Is he intentionally distracting, or is it possible he doesn’t know just how hot he is?

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“He’s quite modest and humble…”

Hawk: He’s quite modest and humble, and I think he might not know just how hot he is. He’s seems to gravitate towards those skin tights, though (laughing).

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Hawk’s ass belongs to Fabrice… this time.

Bard: It’s pretty sensational to watch Fabrice celebrate his victory by climbing on and grinding into your sexy ass, but I have to admit that I’m partial to watching you at the end of your match with Skip, thrusting crotch-to-crotch and sucking his tonsils out. Since you have your eye on your win-loss record, who else would you like to pound into whimpering, slack-jawed submission at BG East?

Hawk: A have a few in mind. Payton Meadows, MJ Vergara, Kirk Donahue, Charlie Evans, Kid Karisma, Christian Taylor and Brad Rochelle. I’ll have my hands full with a few of those…

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Payton Meadows is a handful

Bard: You will! And you have impeccable taste. Payton Meadows is another dazzling hunk who made a huge impression on me last year. I think I remember from the match descriptions online that Payton is another Canadian. Do you and he travel in the same circles?

Hawk: Yes, we do. I’d say chances are high that we could meet this summer. He is incredible! I have a few ideas that I want to float by him, to make it as hot as possible!

Bard: Incredible, to say the least! Talk about distracting! Please tell me this “meeting” will be on camera, because I am dying to see someone appreciate his muscled ass the way it so abundantly deserves.

Hawk: Certainly hope so! There’s so much of him to appreciate, too.

Bard: Your first three matches have been remarkably different, in outcome and in style. Do you see yourself more as a ring wrestler or a mat wrestler at this point in your career?

Hawk: More of a mat wrestler, mainly because I hardly ever get experience in the ring! Hopefully that will change this summer…you never know.

Bard: So, the longer we talk, the more I keep marveling at how easy going and low key you are. So Canadian! Would the people you interact with, day in and day out, ever guess that you are actually a hot, fierce, erotic wrestler who gets off on conquering and claiming opponents?

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Typical Canadian, eh?

Hawk: Only my best friend knows that. The calm, quiet side of me is what I am known for. Typical Canadian eh?!

Bard: Well, this Yankee’s stereotype of a typical Canadian. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions about your body?

Hawk: Go right ahead.

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Hawk beefs up

Bard: Well, let me start by saying it’s hot as fuck. You’re significantly beefier in your most recent match with Fabrice than in your older matches with Jonny and Skip. Are you intentionally building muscle mass for the mat?

Hawk: Thanks for saying that. I’m trying to build mass in general; not an easy feat when you are naturally lean. Although it does come in handy on the mat!

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Muscle and mass come in handy

Bard: That’s exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if you’re facing down Charlie Evans or MJ Vergara, you could be super lean and still completely physically dominate, at least when it comes to sheer size. But Brad Rochelle or Kid Karisma or even Christian Taylor have enough weight and height advantage to make being lean a tough row to hoe for an aspiring heel like you.

Hawk: Exactly my thinking! Christian has the height working for him, but it would be a fair fight. I’d have to play dirty if I wanted a decent shot at Brad and Kid K! No problem there.

Bard: God, I love the sound of that. There are quite a few hot muscleboys on your wish list. Do you have a “type” that you prefer?

Hawk: I suppose a good, defined body to beat on and torture, is what I prefer. Not too fussy.

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Kid Karisma has “a good, defined body to beat on and torture!”

Bard: So let’s say you’ve got Kid Karisma beaten down. First of all, an incredibly rare accomplishment, but for the sake of argument, let’s jump to that point in the match. The momentum is all yours, but he hasn’t conceded yet. He’s still a smart ass. Still talking trash and refusing to accept the inevitable. What would be your go-to submission hold to wring a screaming submission out of Kid K’s divinely muscled body?

Hawk: Good choice in victims! I would have to keep it simple and go with a camel/choke combo. Tighten it and relax just before a tap, repeat three times to wear him down to submission. Then take advantage of him, strip him, get naked myself and have some fun, cock to cock and liplocked.

Bard: Fuck! I swoon. You are so completely blowing me away. On the one hand you come across so charming and unassuming, downright demure. Then you scratch just beneath the surface and there’s this magnificently hot, aggressive, hungry grappler who can’t wait to get his hands (and the rest of your body) all over an opponent. The boys at BGE have no idea what’s in store for them, do they?

Hawk: Some of them don’t.

Bard: I cannot wait to watch you tear someone apart again. I know you said you aren’t fussy, but I’m hoping to see you get your hands (and lips) all over some serious BGE muscle. And I will personally start a GoFundMe page to pay you a bonus to be the first to strip Kid Karisma naked and grind him into the mat!

Hawk: It gets better and better! I love destroying some serious muscle!

Bard: I predict great things for you, Hawk Rodman. Is there anything else that you think fans should know about you, in order to understand what makes you tick?

Hawk: I think you covered all the bases. I’ve enjoyed chatting with you!

Bard: It’s been a huge pleasure for me. You’re generous with your time and kind with my fawning appreciation. You’re polite and articulate. All that, paired with a scorching hot compulsion to erotically dominate an opponent, makes you a sensational wrestler to watch. Thanks for your time!

Hawk: You’re more than welcome. Stay in touch!

Bard: Count on it.

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Looking forward to watching Hawk climb back in the saddle soon!

Revenge of the Nerds

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Too Pretty Royce Perry

Of course, I like them blond, tanned, and pretty. I like a wrestler with massive, broad pecs and a muscled ass. I like them confident and earnest. But then comes along someone like Royce Perry and I just can’t help but take an instant disliking to him. He’s too blond. He’s a fraction too tanned and pretty. His pecs are too perfect. He’s tilted just over the edge of too much confidence, too much earnest attention on the overall arc of his wrestling career. A little like I have a raging desire to watch Kirk Donahue get broken in half, I’m developing a taste for watching Royce’s dazzling beauty and obvious pro wrestling skills take a humiliating kick up that glorious ass of his.

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I was surprised by how much satisfaction I took watching Zip Zarella beat the living shit out of Royce in their debut. And showing up for his follow-up match in Ring Rookies 5 on the heels of that first outing, Royce just keeps rubbing me the wrong way. There’s a bully-quarterback vibe about him as he scoffs and smirks at his newbie opponent, handsome lightweight Cap Landon. I immediately translate this confrontation to the über-popular prom king jock cornering the skinny, adorkable president of the AV club out back behind the bleachers, intent on tormenting the nerd.

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Rip the fucking pretty head right off, Cap!

Maybe that’s what Royce had in mind stepping into the ring with whittled down, painfully pale, handsome Cap. They shake hands, and then instantly the pretty boy starts to muscle bully the lightweight. Cap doesn’t go down willingly, and so abruptly, dazzling Royce grabs the newbie by the hair and slams him face-first in the mat. “Give up, kid,” Royce advises half-heartedly, like he’s clocking in at the assembly line and already half-bored with the inevitability of his victory. So when Cap shimmies into position to snap those lean, pale legs around Royce’s head, I’m pulling hard for the revenge of the nerds. The headscissors are lush and lingering, grinding into Royce’s excessively pretty blond head. “Yeah,” Cap spits and sneers, “how’s that for a kid?”

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“You look like shit!” Cap snarls from underneath.

For the record, Royce rides roughshod over Cap a lot of this match. The kid is reportedly giving away around 40 pounds of weight, which is surely mostly accounted for in Royce’s massive, meaty pecs and magnificently round ass cheeks. But what I particularly like about Cap is that he’s not the fresh meat that Royce clearly thinks he is. He’s astonishingly skilled, executing reversals and neutralizing counters like a seasoned pro. And he’s got and adamantium-coated core, because the more Royce bullies and dominates him, the more Cap gets smart-assed and determined not to give the quarterback the satisfaction. Royce snap suplexes him, and drags him up by a barehanded choke. “Now you’re done,” Royce announces. “No I’m not!!!” Cap growls past the choking hand around his throat.  Royce flexes his bulging biceps seductively, hips twisted slightly to the side to show off his incredibly lean waist, washboard abs, and tapered V torso. It’s so douchey. “You look like shit!” Cap snarls, and it makes me crush on him that much more. “Your body sucks!” he insults what is obviously the quarterback narcissist’s most vulnerable attribute: that annoying ego. Royce shrugs and smirks. Again. That fucking smirk. “Your mom loves it!” Royce pulls out that old douchey yo-mamma angle to insult the kid he’s bullying.

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Humiliating the quarterback

At this point, it should come as no surprise to learn that I’m hard as granite and ready to pop a load right around the time that Cap suddenly leaps on Royce’s broad, muscular back, and wraps his lean right arm across the quarterback’s throat.  His lean, stark white legs wrapped around Royce’s Coppertone torso dig in tight, latching on and locking down the stumbling jock good. “Nothing to be embarrassed about,” Cap taunts, his lips hovering near Royce’s ear, “just tell me you give.”  Of course, there is something for Royce to be embarrassed about. He’s getting owned by the president of the AV club. He’s got a two and half stone weight advantage, and he’s been told by everyone, his entire life that he deserves everything, that slapping around the plebes are just part of the privilege of being the top jock on campus, that his ascendency is foreordained. Honestly, I’m already cumming when Royce half sags under the weight of Cap and chokes out the first fall, totally shocked submission. I’m still shooting when Cap doesn’t let go for a few more seconds, dragging Royce right to the edge of getting choked out cold not 5 minutes into the match. But he lets him go finally, and walks away slowly, hands on hips, cocky as fuck. Nice work, Cap.

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“You got lucky!” Royce bitches.

Lest I leave you with the mistaken impression that Cap does to Royce what Zip did, let me be clear: Royce wears the ghostly pale lightweight down to a nub in the end. But I love it that losing that first fall is so clearly, irritatingly way up underneath Royce’s skin the entire time. “You got lucky!” he bitches and whines like a spoiled rotten daddy’s boy. He keeps pounding him, keeps flexing, keeps taunting. Cap splayed out and completely vulnerable in an OTK backbreaker deserves a sculpture in the Louvre. Even a bitter case of “fuck-you” stubbornness and shockingly compelling ring skills can’t keep a rockin’ sexy nerd with a plan like Cap in the mix for long.

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Not done with you yet, Cap.

If I’m being completely honest here, I have to admit that the second hottest moment of this match is right around the time Cap is actually dragging his battered body as quickly as possible to the ropes to try to flee the scene of the mugging that this has become. Despite myself, my cock aches as Royce drags the skinny nerd back by a fist full of hair, flinging him into a turnbuckle and flexes in his face.  “You…” Cap gasps for air, eyes half-lidded, knees wobbly, hanging from the ropes, “you… flex like a bitch!”

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“Oh, yeah, no kids for you” Royce taunts like a douche.

Fuck, I feel a little guilty for how much satisfaction I take at Cap remaining a smart ass to the bitter end. It earns him a brutal ass whooping. Royce crushes him and then rubs salt in the wound with a slow 3 count final pin. Probably just for that last burst of smart-assness, Royce circles back and heel stomps Cap in the balls before exiting the building.

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I’ve got baby oil in hand, Cap.

So Royce is supposed to be the pretty one, the body beautiful. He’s supposed to be the looker, the headliner. But honestly, all I can think as this brutality comes to an end is how much I just want to rub down Cap’s bruised muscles with baby oil. Don’t get discouraged, Cap. In 10 years, Royce is going to have a bear belly and will still be living off adolescent glory of beating up the AV nerds behind the bleachers. And if my prayers to the homoerotic gods are answered, you, Cap, will have been eating right, lifting weights, and expanding your arsenal to drag Royce’s hot ass kicking and screaming back into the ring for an epic revenge of the nerds, homoerotic wrestling style.

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It’s going to be epic, Cap, believe me!

Charming Ginger

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Chase Addams and Charlie Evans take one another on without tag team partners

The size of my excitement for the release of Ring Rookies 5 is HUGE. I have choice words to say about all 3 matches, but the first match on the collection gets the credit for most of my massive excitement. Both Charlie Evans and Chase Addams have held my lustful attention both by impressing the fuck out of me in their dual debut tag team match last summer, as well as by charming the pants off of me in interviews afterward. Both boys are virtually dripping with youth and ambition. Each in his own way embodies outrageously attractive earnestness and downright devotion to the science and art of professional wrestling. I’ve been eagerly awaiting both boys’ follow-up matches after making such notable debuts in 2016.  And there’s already a grudge to get this ball rolling. FUCK, I love backstory. I love a grudge. I love character motivation and a well-told story. And I go absolutely nuts for all of that successfully executed by two doe-eyed babies with fully formed personalities and seriously deep wrestling arsenals.

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Potently packed

When it comes to fuckability, I’ll take one of each of these hot little cuts of veal. Actually, I’ll take two of Charlie, because he’s small. Which makes it that much more of a cheek that the ginger phenom is smirking like the Cheshire Cat, downright gloating to start things off, still basking in the afterglow of securing a debut ring victory as one half of the All-American babyface heroes from Tag Team Torture 19. True, he’s physically dwarfed by Chase’s 40 pound (or thereabouts) advantage in weight. But Charlie is so sensationally puffed up and proud of himself, squaring off against an opponent who, last he saw, was flat on his back, out cold, and suffering a totally humiliating defeat at the hands of the All-Americans. There’s something so upright and earnest about Charlie, that it makes it that much more delightful to observe him catch the whiff of fresh meat in his rookie rival. He beat him once, he argues, so he’s entirely confident that he can do it again.

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Charming Chase has other plans for Charlie

Charming Chase is none too pleased to hear Charlie claiming credit for having beaten him at the end of TTT19. Apparently, Chase’s ego is strong enough to admit to being defeated by the long, handsome hotness of seasoned veteran Christian Taylor serving as Charlie’s tag team partner. But it gets under Chase’s skin to see the ginger flyweight all full of swagger and cockiness as if he gets any credit at all for that debut loss. The table is thus set. Without their tag team partners to rely on (or, in Chase’s case, get pissed off at), which of these ambitious, studious, sincere-as-fuck young studs is the better man, here at the start of their careers?

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Charlie gets a taste of power

As an avid fan of both of these hotties, I’m torn. On the one hand, Charlie is too fucking good to believe. Did you read that interview I did with him?! He makes Dudley Do-right look like a homicidal crack whore. By the time I was done with my sit-down with the ginger newbie, I felt like I needed to wrap him up in cellophane and put him upon a shelf so that he wouldn’t melt from an errant splash of water, he was just that fucking sweet. So a doe-eyed, alabaster complexioned, flyweight pretty boy with that little guile and that much sincerity has got just one of two futures in store for him in a world like BG East. He’s either going to be the bug on the windshield, squashed over and over and over again into oblivion, or he’s going to snap and turn into a bubbling cauldron of bitterness and viciousness. He’s either doomed, day in and day out, or he’s going to be ripping balls off and shoving them down some throats before too long. He doesn’t seem to see it, but I can’t help but think that enough time in pro wrestling, exploited and bullied and cheated left and right by the heels circling every rare babyface at BGE, and those high flying, high risk moves of his are going to be accompanied by deeply sadistic, bully-bashing rage once he comes eye to eye with that inevitable reality that cheaters don’t just prosper in this business, they fucking rule.

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Chase looks like he loves his work

So, on the one hand, I’m pulling hard for Charlie to break open that full force can of whoop ass with which, I predict, he has a date with destiny. On the other hand, I really, really want to take Charming Chase out for a test drive on and open track and see just how much damage this prodigy of wrestling holds can do. I’m still, to this day, 10 months later, shaking my head and gasping at his Will Breaker that he whipped out of nowhere and tied up Christian Taylor with in TTT19. Where the FUCK does a debuting rookie get a move like that to slap down in the chaos and craziness of a tag team match?!  Even in his grudge sequel to the tag team match, in which he settles the score with the shattered remains of his partnership with Ty Alexander, there’s something coldly calculating about Chase. He’s supremely in control of himself. He’s wound up tight as a drum. He likes to put the hurt on, but I don’t know that I’ve seen him love it yet. So, yeah, I’m wanting to see Charming Chase really, really sink his teeth in deep and love the taste of a dominating ring beatdown.

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Charlie rains down Ginger Bombs

Charlie and Chase deliver everything that I’m hoping for, even as ambivalent as those hopes are. Unfortunately for Chase, Charlie seems to ride the momentum from their last encounter into the opening minutes of Ring Rookies 5. Chase tries bullying the little guy about a bit, but with decisiveness and pristine, youthful confidence, young Charlie suddenly shocks and awes the shit out of his bigger opponent. There’s a studied patience about Charlie’s offense that I love watching. He knows he isn’t delivering any finishing blows seconds in, with his 128 pounds of whittled bone and muscle. But he isn’t trying to put him away. With wisdom significantly beyond his years, he’s softening the Charming One up.  He drives body blocks and splashes bluntly into Chase’s torso, backed into a corner and receiving flyweight blow after blow. When Chase has been bulldogged into the middle of the ring, Charlie repeatedly bounces off the ropes and does mid-air summersaults, allowing gravity and centripetal force to pound his paperweight of a body surgically into Chase’s gut, again, and again. “I call this the Ginger Bomb!” Charlie crows, as excited to name his innovations as his opponent is. There’s nothing devastating like a sledgehammer about them. Charlie’s just too slight of frame. But every shoulder block, every Ginger Bomb, chips away bit by bit at Chase’s reserves.  With his opponent thus dazed and sucking on air, Charlie expertly positions Chase for that fucking fabulous Ginger Snap that he debuted in TTT19. Honestly, it’s gorgeous. Handstand. Headscissors. Charlie jackknives violently, yanking Chase by the base of the skull, off his feet, flipping through the air and slamming violently down on his back. Damn. Once Charlie is seduced by the dark side, the rest of you boys at BG East had better watch your backs!

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Charlie snaps into position to deliver a devastating Ginger Snap

And then Charlie snaps his skinny legs (his term, not mine) around Chase’s torso and squeezes whimpers out of his completely dazed opponent. Charlie arches high, bearing down like a mother fucker on Chase’s kidneys, and showing of his own gorgeous, smooth form. It’s like poetry, watching him twist violently to the side and roll Chase head over heels all around the ring. It’s gloating and domineering. It’s gratuitous and just a little gleeful. By the time he folds up all 6 feet of Charming Chase up in half and pins his shoulders to the mat, there’s one undeniable fact laid bare in the middle of that ring: Charlie Evans just executed the long game to out-hustle and, yes, out-muscle a significantly bigger opponent and score what can only be described as a shocking first fall pin.

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Charlie tilt-a-whirls Chase around in body scissors

I say “shocking,” because just like me, Charming Chase cannot fucking believe what just happened. “No, no, no, no, that did NOT just happen!” Chase roars, face blood red, charging to his feet after Charlie lets him go. “I did NOT just lose to you!” he insists. “Oh,” Charlie downright smirks in his face, “it happened. You were there. I was there. It happened.” Savor that moment of condescension, Charlie. When you’re teetering on the edge of turning full on evil, sometime soon I hope, just remember that taste, my ginger bon bon.

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Charming Rage

Rage in the pro wrestling ring is a double edged sword. Many a wrestler has been so blinded by vengeful rage in the ring that a savvy opponent has turned that passion right back onto itself, exploiting the rush to judgment and easy fixes to string the bull up for good in the end. When Chase starts beating the fuck out of little Charlie, I’m withholding judgment as to whether this is the tide turning, or simply the means to the Charming One’s undoing, yet again. In the mean time, Chase scoops, slams, and stomps the living shit out of the ginger flyweight. It makes sense to exploit a height and weight advantage, but there’s something bitterly cruel about the bell ringing he delivers. I honestly think he may snap Charlie’s arm off at the elbow in one of Chase’s infinite armbar variations. It makes Charlie’s tenor scream piercingly in panic. “What’s wrong?” the dastardly rookie heel taunts. “I thought you were the big hero of this story!”

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The Will Breaker

I am in awe watching Chase get down to business. No tag team partner to joist egos with. No fresh opponent waiting on the apron. The Charming One just starts carving Charlie up like a super lean Thanksgiving turkey. He twists and ties, wrenches and rips him joint by joint. When he pries a screaming submission out with that Will Breaker again, it is every bit as awesome and mystifying as the first time I saw it. Such total vulnerability. Such complete torture. If you’re like me, your cock will demand that you push rewind and watch the spider spin that web again, but you don’t even have to. About 10 minutes later, Chase ties Charlie up in that Will Breaker all over again.

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Chase develops a passion for this

Without having to share the stage, Chase demonstrates he knows a whole lot more tricks than we were treated to in TTT19. But that piece that I’ve been anxiously waiting to see from Chase, just the slightest release of his iron grip control over himself that he has, is the real revelation in this match. If I was left wondering if Chase more than just “likes” to make another man hurt, I’m not wondering any longer. He practically pours a glass of Charlie’s screaming tears and savors them like rare wine. When Charlie is good and tenderized, choking on his own humiliation and impotence, Chase hovers over him, lingering a little.  He leans down across his back and looks like he’s nibbling on Charlie’s ear.  He palms the ginger’s shoulder. Then his hand slides down Charlie’s brightly bruised back. With his other hand, he strokes the back of Charlie’s calf, sliding his fingers up the smooth inner thigh, before digging the tips of his fingers indulgently into Charlie’s vulnerable, tasty ass cheeks. No doubt, Chase wants the check in the victory column. He wants the win, and I am fully convinced he wants it with a passion. But even more exciting to watch, he wants that feel of an opponent laid bare underneath him. He wants a hot, tight, athletic, aesthetic body like Charlie’s to be at his mercy. He wants Charlie.

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The Ginger Snap goes horribly awry (for Charlie)

There are high drama reversals of fortune. There’s a life lesson learned by Charlie about going to the well one too many times for that magnificent Ginger Snap. And without a doubt, there’s exactly one rookie with his score settled, and his opponent out cold and rode hard, when this is all said and done.

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Every which way

I know I use the word too often, and I’ve used it way too often in this review already, but I just have to repeat myself: FUCK! Charlie and Chase are so deeply respectful of the genre of professional wrestling. They quite clearly enter their careers with adamant respect for how wrestling works, how it possesses its fans, how it engages us heart, soul, mind, and cock. Honestly, in half of homoerotic wrestling matches these days, you can count the number of unique holds applied on one hand. And then these sensationally tasty young bucks step into the ring and put on a wrestling clinic like this!

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Delivering a message

And I’ve restrained myself thus far, but I have to conclude with saying yet again, these guys are sexy as fuck. Chase’s body is meaty and provocative, and those nipples I’ve crushed on before exponentiate the raw eroticism of this highly technical match. And Charlie’s sweet little ass is so sensational. I know there are bigger glutes. There are heftier bubble butts by far. But the gentle curve of Charlie’s alabaster ass is so proportional, so graceful. If the dark side of the Force doesn’t take him soon, that beautiful piece of art has got to get unwrapped and chomped on, because that ass has got to be driving some opponent as crazy as it is me.

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Feel the Dark Side of the Force, my son

Outstanding work by two friends of this blog. And yet again, I can’t wait to see more of Charming Chase Addams’ passion. And I’m anticipating with every breath that moment when the dark side seduces Charlie Evans to suckle on the bitter rage that such total humiliation and degradation will inevitably lead him to.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I’ve noticed that I have this pattern of sparse posting this time of the year most years. I’m sure it’s work-related.  I’m determined to keep up with the Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month titles this year, and March had a ton of worthy nominees. But although I haven’t had a chance to post about most of the wrestling I enjoyed from last month, I do have a favorite.  Even though I’m a couple of weeks late getting this down in print, my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the entire month is…

 

 

 

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Jonny Firestorm.

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Jonny shows Lane who’s the bigger man, where it counts

Honestly, it’s daunting to try to write a review of a Custom Combat match, like the one Jonny starred in last month against notorious heel Lane Hartley. It’s literally dozens upon dozens of different matches, depending on how you navigate the decision tree along the way. It’s conceivable that one of the iterations of Custom Combat 2 sucks, but since I haven’t watched every last possible combination of options, I haven’t seen the sucky version. I doubt that, though, because this is Jonny Firestorm and Lane Hartley. They are both their hottest versions of themselves, when it comes to aesthetics and fitness. And the dozen or so versions of events that I’ve constructed are consistently incredibly entertaining and top notch quality, any way you slice it.

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Jonny elevates the genre of custom order pro wrestling

With two such top tier talents, it’s a reasonable question to ask how Jonny earns my favored status over Lane. With a collaboration like this, where they must have been taping for hours on end, that consistency I mentioned has got to be a sign that both hunks bought into and then sold this concept with equal expertise. And Lane is fucking lush. As always, he’s ridiculously handsome, magnificently smooth, thick muscles everywhere. The moment I first saw Lane way back when he debuted with BGE, I instantly thought he was going to be a legitimate, honest to the wrestling gods powerhitter muscle babyface. That he’s turned out to be a bulldozing dominant heel instead has always felt like a missed opportunity. But then again, this is custom combat, and I’m calling the shots, so you can bet you know how my first foray into Custom Combat played out.

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Jonny grabs my attention

 

But Jonny edges out Lane for the HWOTM title because he just turns me ON that much more. First of all, those trunks. FUCK. Those shiny blue square cuts scream “STAR!”  His ass is suction packed into them, but it’s his mammoth package that really grabbed my attention hard from the moment he climbs into the ring. On the one hand, Lane is obviously the bigger man in the ring, staring down a reported 7 inches of height advantage and around 50 pounds heavier. On the other hand, Jonny’s bulge knocks big Lane into second place just like that.

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Jonny’s arms are a work of art

And then there are Jonny’s arms. Literally, I swoon. I’ve crushed on Jonny’s arms before, so much so, in fact, that Jonny once sent me close up snaps of his forearms as a Christmas present. But honestly, I’ve never seen his biceps bigger, nor his forearms thicker, than when they’re wrapped around Lane’s action hero as the giant GI Joe doll gets sleepered out. Jonny flexes repeatedly, satisfyingly, and the veins just about pop right out of his skin. Sure, without a doubt, Lane is one huge, dashing, handsome fucker, so it says a whole lot that I cannot take my eyes off of Jonny’s hot, hairy, muscle packed body.

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It all depends on what you’re in the mood for

I probably need to award this month’s title to the genius who conceives of and storyboards a product like this.  There are at least 15 decision options that I’ve counted, everywhere from tit-for-tat-even competitive wrestling to bashing Lane’s balls to breaking Jonny’s back. The unique combo of give and take, advantage and reversal, are in the viewer’s hands each time he pushes play. Sewing together a seamless product to be able to watch one particular match (and then another, and then another) as convincingly as Custom Combat 2 accomplishes is astonishing. The fact that Jonny has starred in both Custom Combat products makes me think he gets at least a little of that genius credit, and even if not, he gets a ton of credit for working his magnificent muscled ass off selling everything. Everything. Winning. Losing. Suffering. Dominating. Weeping. Getting broken. Laughing. Doing the breaking.

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Jonny is massive!

Like I said earlier, if I were king of BGE (I know, I know, that title is definitely already taken), I’d have cast big Lane Hartley as a dangerously competitive babyface. Custom Combat 2 lets me do just that, and Jonny is never hotter than when he’s going all out heel.  “Do you know what I like to do to pretty boys like you?” Jonny asks in one version of this confrontation. Right there. I so love that moment when Jonny doesn’t just call Lane the pretty boy he so obviously is, but he follows up by landing a solid knee drop to Lane’s balls. In my fantasy match, Lane literally tries to crawl out of the ring to escape the weapons of mass destruction that Jonny isn’t even bothering to try to hide from close inspection. The invincible, superhero muscle hunk Lane is literally left begging for mercy, humiliated and humbled by a vicious brawler seemingly half his size everywhere except for where it counts. The only way that this could have been more customized to fulfill my fantasy is if there’d been an option to have Jonny rip off Lane’s trunks (after KO-ing, sleepering, pinning or submitted him) and spank his naked ass. But even short of that, this is incredibly high quality wrestling with pretty much every hold and move and dirty trick you could order up delivered by incredibly talented pros.

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Jonny buttons up the competition nice and tight

You’re a winner any way you like it, but the muscled hunk who gets me off over and over in novel ways each time I watch this match is ultimately Jonny Firestorm, who is, once again, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

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Jonny Firestorm: Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month, March 2017

 

Boy Versus Man

The mundane requirements in my life have kept me from posting more regularly here lately. However, I’m happy to report I’ve still had time to enjoy watching homoerotic wrestling. I’ve recently fallen in lust with a classic batch of matches from almost twenty years ago packaged by BG East as Britbouts 1.

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Scottish babyface Ron Holloway takes it to Kid Vicious

Back in antiquity, when I received my homoerotic wrestling products on VHS, I used to love the promotional trailers at the end of the DVDs, with snippets of other products to tempt and titillate. I remember seeing a promo for Britbouts 1 and particularly being attracted to the 45 seconds or so it provided of excerpts from Kid Vicious mat match with Ron Holloway. In fact, I got off more than once on just that glimpse of this match slipped in at the tail end of some other tape I owned.  I clearly remember the look of rage and anguish mixed on the adorably babyfaced pretty boy Ron. I’m sure at some point it was on the top of my next-to-order list, but tide and time and the regular rush of enticing new BG East products made me forget to follow up on it.  Happily, I’ve rectified that situation, and I’m even happier to report that the match is every bit as satisfying as I’d imagined it would be when all I had was that hot little teaser with that pumping synthesizer techno beat pounding the soundtrack to the trailer.

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We don’t know a lot about one-hit-wonder Ron Holloway

Ron Holloway turns my crank the instant he appears on screen, stretching out his super-lean, painfully pale, gorgeously proportioned young body. He’s achingly pretty, but not in the way that so many pretty boys in homoerotic wrestling since are pretty. He’s not pretty in a way that would make him a candidate for the cover of a fitness magazine. No, he’s pretty in the way that I’d develop a dizzying crush on a next door neighbor, or the bag boy at the grocery store, or some nerdy cutie a grade below me in school. He has a Supercuts ‘do and a disarming, bright white smile. His classic, stark white trunks and matching boots somehow make the pale expanse of his otherwise bare body seem that much more vulnerable. His silky smooth jaw and chest place him squarely in the developmental state when one reaches the age of majority, and yet the last volleys of puberty are yet to be fired. His long, skinny legs are lightly hairy in a natural yet self-conscious way. Some would bitch about him being too skinny, I’m sure, but he’s perfectly who he is in this moment in time: beautifully fit, still growing into his long limbs, high on testosterone and late adolescent invincibility, and sporting a fuckable zero-padding set of glutes squeezed supertight inside of what must be size XXS trunks.

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Ron sucks on it

Enter Kid Vicious. I’ve been crushing on KV from the moment I first discovered homoerotic wrestling. He looks so young in this match, and still he’s unmistakably all man in this boy-versus-man melodrama. His shaved head reveals the outline of his receding hairline. His chest displays the dark, closely cropped hair of a man who likes control, who maintains a regimented grooming routine and knows at any moment every detail of his body’s appearance, position, and tolerances. He’s lean like Ron, but with a handful more years of muscle maturity and growth. Every hot little detail on the babyface is just a little hotter, a little more developed, a little more fully realized on KV. Also super lean, KV’s pecs are just a little fuller. His shoulders are an inch or two broader. His long lean thighs are just that much thicker than the babyface’s, and like the babyface’s, they’re ungroomed, but just a little hairier on the more mature man. KV is squeezed into red and black zebra print square cuts and villainous black boots.

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The Scot babyface has game

So this is clearly, from the outset a battle of bright-eyed, beautiful youthful innocence squaring off against jaded, contemptuous sadism. Or perhaps you might conceptualize this as seasoned maturity stepping back in time to kick the arrogant shit out of his young, dumb, and full of cum barely legal self. Ron is impetuous and irrationally confident as he snarls at the deadly dangerous man staring coldly back at him. This was apparently the first time BGE, including Kid Vicious, ventured across the pond, so ostensibly anything could happen here. When West meets Wester, it could totally be the case that the toughnik Scottish prettyboy has the goods to shock and awe the American who so obviously thinks he’s a total bad ass. If you knew nothing of the next 20 years of Kid Vicious’ BGE career, the morality tale being played out here could legitimately hinge on the notion that a Glasgow street punk could upend and completely dominate his upperclassman opponent, proving that KV’s curled lip and heel cred are nothing more than the paper thin boasting of a big fish from a little pond.

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KV milks the kid hard

Once they start to tussle, however, you’d have to note every signal indicating that this is going to be boy bashing brutality. Kid Vicious takes control of my crushworthy bag boy. He uses each and every edge in size and strength to manhandle the kid, ripping Ron’s quivering shoulders out of joint in a surfboard, milking the fight out him with crushing body scissors clamped viciously around the Scot’s 28″ waist. Ron is so fucking pissed. All of that late pubescent testosterone is still convincing him that he’s more than up to the task of making the Yankee pay for this early humiliation. His bangs flop from side to side, his jaw gapes open, lips curling in that incredibly sexy rage/anguish that so enticed me from the trailer those years ago. Even when KV is totally owning him, the bitterness on the Scot’s face says clearly that he’s seeing revenge fantasies playing across the backs of his eyelids as his eyes are clenched tight in agony.

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Ron puts a shocking hurt on the Vicious One

Ron’s no pushover, to say the least. He takes a cargo ship full of punishment and sucks on it like a lollipop. Moreover, he’s surprisingly patient for someone so young, biding his time and munching on the humiliation for the right moment to counter. Slipping free from a headlock, the Scot cranks the fuck out of a tit-for-tat hammerlock, threatening to rip Kid Vicious’ arms off at the shoulders. KV is more than a little shocked and super pissed off, suddenly playing catcher to this ridiculously babyfaced rook mounted across his back. That familiar sneer on KV’s lips suddenly disappears and then reappears on Ron’s face, as the stark reality comes into focus: Kid Vicious is getting owned by an actual kid.

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Raw veal

Ron gets a couple of shocking submissions out of KV, which, in and of themselves, are worth the price of admission. But even sexier is the diabolical comeback KV makes, patiently starting up from the bottom of the hill after each humiliation, and steadily, surely, expertly climbing back to the summit. Regular readers know that my favorite hold is the OTK backbreaker, and featherweight Ron is like a baby in KV’s arms when the Yank scoops him up, holds him there like it’s nothing, and then pounds the kid’s lower spine across his thigh. Babyface Ron writhes and screams. The first cracks to his invincibility fable start to show. With one hand on a knee and the other pressing on the kid’s chin, KV pries his prey backward, promising to snap the little fucker’s back in half.

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Speaking of snapping

The other submission that stands out for me (as in, gets me off repeatedly) is Kid Vicious’ magnificent knee breaker. Babyface Ron has mounted a few shocking volleys of offense by this point, and you can see KV is fucking over this. He’s going to maim the kid. He rolls the babyface up, hooking Ron’s left leg and pinning the back of the Scot’s head against KV’s crotch. At first, Rob’s face screws up in pain and he bitches about his quivering hamstring getting stretched to the point of snapping.  It looks vicious (appropriately enough). You know the babyface is about to submit, because he’s got nowhere to go and his opponent can wring cruel, bitter anguish out of him at will. But then KV pulls the kid’s captured leg to the left and positions Ron’s hyperextended knee right over KV’s own bent knee. And the genius of this moment comes into clear focus, as KV pulls that much harder on the Scot’s leg, hyperextending the knee sickeningly that much farther around his own.  Babyface Ron SCREAMS in panic. He submits about 50 times in the space of 10 seconds, as KV simply soaks it in, smiling sadistically, living for this moment of owning this once-cocky kid in body and soul.

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“No more, no more, no more, no more, no more….”

The last thing about his match that I have to mention isn’t a hold. It’s Ron, writhing on the mat after this knee breaker, whimpering like a sniveling bitch, “No more, no more, no more, no more,” in that thick, sexy Scottish accent. KV stands over him domineeringly, silently threatening, and the boy first announces “no more,” but when KV doesn’t appear about to back down, the boy starts begging, pleadingly, “NO MORE!” The hot little bag boy isn’t just done. He’s burnt to a crisp. That facade of invincibility he started with has shattered to the mat around him. His illusions of being “the man” are dashed upon the realization that next to Kid Vicious, he’s just a snot nosed little bitch. The chemistry has changed within him, from equal parts rage and anguish to overwhelming, sour bitterness with a dash of “one-day-I’ll-grow-up-and-then-you’ll-be-sorry.”

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One. Two. Three.

Of course, Kid Vicious has about 5 more minutes of corporal punishment and vile emotional abuse to inflict on the overdone flank steak at his feet. He mounts the kid, with the Scot lying totally vulnerable, flat on his back. KV stretches out on top of the rookie, pec to pec, crotch to crotch, maximal body contact. He pins Ron’s hands to the mat above his head and starts a 3 count to finish this little bitch.  That persistent overdose of testosterone the late-pubescent kid is simmering in still convinces him to jerk a shoulder free, breaking the count. It’s not a real challenge to KV’s complete mastery of the moment. Just a bitter refusal to accept reality. So KV rolls the kid up, crotch pressed against the Scot’s face, grabs the babyface’s ankles and rips Ron’s legs open wide. Ron’s still just as bitter, just as adamantly wanting to deny the facts of the situation. But he’s good and throughly fucked right here, so KV gets his 3 count.

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Missed opportunities

It’s a fucking shame that Ron Holloway appears to have been a one hit wonder, because he emotes like an Oscar winner. He’s lithe and lovely and fierce and fucked all bundled up into one incredibly tight, sexy little package. I’d love to have seen KV rip Ron’s white trunks off and ride that raw, muscled ass. I’d give a kidney to go back and time and convince KV right then to give the Scot’s ripped torso a tongue lashing from top to bottom. But alas, this is not an X-Fight.

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KV’s first taste of British delicacies

As for Kid Vicious, I find it fascinating to watch him get his hands on a Brit for the first time. It’s little wonder he will return to the UK repeatedly in the years following this match to sink his teeth into more hot Brits. He clearly had a taste for this succulent delicacy from the first moment he laid eyes on Ron Holloway.

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Enjoying the view

PR

PR is YUGE these days. From top to bottom, everyone seems to be doubling down on the postmodern paradox that nothing and everything can be true, and being persuasive is more virtuous than being honest. I think it’s a thoroughly pro wrestling sort of notion. Create reality by promoting the fuck out of something. Dance on the edge of believability in the service of working an angle. Manufactured grudges. Dramatic heel turns. Back office intrigue. It’s classic pro wrestling shenanigans that we all recognize as product, not process.

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Dashing Dustin, Jayden Mayne, James Quarterstaf, Matty O’Boy, and Zacky Darlin

When I sat down to contemplate an unusual format of a match for W4H, I had a few things on my mind. 5-Way-Free-For-All draws me in on several counts. I’m a total sucker for a voyeur angle to homoerotic wrestling, so whenever two wrestlers are working their asses off in front of an audience (of any kind, including other wrestlers waiting their turns), I find it value added. And written there in the match description, and expanded upon in the promotional tweets and posts from W4H, is the sexy little implication that among the five wrestlers in this free-for-all, there are two pairs of boyfriends. I’ve been on record a long, long time as desperate for the drama of battling boyfriends. I’ve specifically begged for a rival couples backstory to fully realize the homoerotic potential of tag team pro wrestling. The promotional material doesn’t explicitly say that any of this is expressly part of the drama of this match, but of course, that’s where my mind goes. Just drop some innuendo of my fondest wishes, and I’m instantly, completely on board.

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Matty O’Boy and Jayden Mayne may not be boyfriends, but they sure seem to enjoy beating the fuck out of each other.

5-Way-Free-For-All delivers on some of the implied promises, but not all. First of all, the voyeur angle is super sweet in these 28 minutes. Any two wrestlers taking their turn are surrounded by three more sweaty studs jeering and critiquing and adding literal insult to injury. Matty O’Boy is the stand out trash talker. He’s got a smarmy, deep baritone and a quick wit. He’s also super game for this innovative format. He’s first to jump into the round robin initially, and he never shies away from an opportunity to join the fray again and again.

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Matty pounds Jayden into the mat and squeezes out another submission.

Matty is also, apparently, one member of a couple in the competition. The match description on W4H suggests that his boyfriend may be Zacky Darlin, based on the opening sentence that says Matty “is shoved by his boyfriend into the middle of the mat.” Said shover is lean, hairy hottie Zacky. However, a Facebook post promoting the match includes a pic of Matty bearhugging Jayden Mayne, with the caption, “Matty O’Boy is making sure his boyfriend, Jayden Mayne is flexible.” Not that I’m one to be trapped by binaries. Maybe Matty, Jayden and Zacky are a committed threesome. In which case, where do I send the housewarming gift and how do I get and invitation to the underwear parties!?

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James Quarterstaf spanks Dashing Dustin’s muscled ass

Anyhow, still another promotional post on social networks by W4H names Dashing Dustin and James Quarterstaf as boyfriends as well. With James’ magnificent ass and Dashing Dustin’s really, really tasty looking bulge, I’m completely ready to buy that these two are fucking soulmates. So, potentially, 5-Way-Free-For-All is a melee of a couple of couples and a hot 5th wheel, or maybe a menage-a-trois and a conventional couple. In any case, fuck, yes. Put more homo in homoerotic wrestling, I always say. I love this set-up.

Buyer beware, however. If you’re grooving for this battling boyfriends angle or rival couples bit like I was, it is not an explicit part of the product. It’s glittery, provocative packaging, but when you unwrap it, you get something quite a bit more conventional.  Namely, 5 hot, pretty boys in super brief speedos scrapping hard one-on-one, devolving into 4-on-1s and splitting into side-by-side 1-on-1s next to 2-on-1s. If I hadn’t read the hype, I’d not have picked up anything at all about any romantic relationships in the mix. It’s super hot, mind you, but not because it’s all that upfront gay. It’s hot like 80% of the homoerotic wrestling industry is, because it’s produced with an eye for gay guys into wrestling. There isn’t a gay narrative here.

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Still hot

That said, 5-Way has a ton going for it that you just might find scratching your itch. For one, the action is fucking intense. I mean, WAY intense. There are about 3 or so camera cuts with some refocusing of the storyline happening, ultimately leading to 4 hotties sleepered out and one, undisputed winner posing on top of the pile, tugging at the edges of his speedo and flexing for the camera. Okay, sure, that’s way gay. But not like, “I just humiliated my boyfriend on camera, and I’m going to fuck all 4 of these losers now,” gay.

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Jayden is ripped and devastatingly handsome

The promotionals also signal that all 5 of these guys are twinks. I’ll buy the shorthand. They’re all lean, young, and pretty. But they definitely aren’t carbon copies. Jayden is fucking RIPPED. The last time I talked to him, several years ago, he said he was planning on bulking up. I don’t know what may have happened between now and then, but as of this taping, he’s an anatomy chart. I’ve always been a Jayden booster, even when he’s been famously getting squashed like a bug. But, damn, I’ve never wanted so much to just have an hour with nothing more than him, a bottle of honey, and my tongue. In fact, I think he may have cut too severely for this match, because he’s waving off turns in the round robin, huffing like a steam engine. At one point, he scores a fall and announces he’s got places to be, turning his back and heading for the door. Matty O’Boy grabs him from behind and literally tosses Jayden’s exhausted ass back onto the mat to get quadruple teamed. Now, if Matty and he are boyfriends, that move is about 100 times hotter. But, like I said, you and the PR folks at W4H have to supply that.

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Introducing Dashing Dustin and his very prominent package

After Jayden, the wrestler second most likely to star as the lead in a Hollywood superhero movie would be Dashing Dustin. He’s also ripped, and like Jayden, he’s ridiculously handsome. He’s a stunningly beautiful boy who stands out in this crowd, which is saying a lot. He spends a lot of his time in these 28 minutes bitterly focused on outscoring James, which, if they are indeed boyfriends, is super sexy. But, alas, see my last sentence in the preceding paragraph.

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Dashing Dustin humiliates James Quarterstaf gratuitously

James is a surprisingly tough mother fucker. He looks soft compared to the other 4, and that ass is SO fuckable. But then he turns out to be surprisingly dominant and aggressive, at one point earning the ire of all 4 opponents and getting roughed up and humiliated hard by all of them at once. Even then, though, it’s Dashing Dustin who wedgies that astonishing ass on James. It’s Dashing Dustin who schoolboy pins him, shoving his hips forward and grinding his big, quivering package into James’ face.  It’s Dashing Dustin who wrenches hard on a hammerlock, pounding James’ face into the mat and demanding, “Say you’re a little bitch. Say it!,” as the other 3 wrestlers laugh and egg him on. Seriously, isn’t that about 50 times hotter if Dashing Dustin and James are steady boyfriends?! But, alas, see my last sentence of the preceding paragraph.

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Matty calls out Jayden who may, or may not be his steady boyfriend

The sensibility of the match is great. The boys like tossing each other (particularly James, for some reason) into the metal wall behind them.  The ringing of metal is oddly satisfying punctuation on the brutality. Like I said, there are a handful of notable camera cuts, but like so much of W4H, the action is primarily unscripted, spontaneous, and relentless.  The boys have to negotiate from time to time who’s going to wrestle next, but those slightly awkward moments of choreography are totally worth the momentum, and if anything, I think they give the whole scenario a sexy authenticity.  The rapid fire holds and submissions convey the spirit of strong, lithe, fit boys stripping down for a bragging-rights free-for-all in some anonymous warehouse.

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Matty takes out the trash

I can’t watch this match without the seeds planted by the PR team at W4H. Which is it’s own sort of genius, really. You can became the leader of the free world on more flimsy accounting of facts and plausibly deniable innuendo, now can’t you? But even without any corroborating evidence of actual romance involved, the match is beautiful to watch. Jayden is art. Dashing Dustin could easily become a star. But I think it’s Matty O’Boy who really shines through this match as the catch of the day. He looks sexy. He sounds sexier. And of the 5 of them, he certainly seems to have the firmest grasp on the bawdy, brutal, loudmouthed sensibilities of homoerotic pro wrestling. The match is messy and improvised and nonsensical at times, and somehow Matty just looks hotter and hotter by the second.

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Twink, Twink, Goose

Frankly, I hope Matty and Jayden do own a condo on the beach in South Florida. I hope that Dashing Dustin and James Quarterstaf are high school sweet hearts who’ve recently spiced up their sex life with balls out, brutal, no holds barred wrestling. The video evidence is extremely sparse, but the camera doesn’t lie: 5-Way-Free-For-All is an intense, 28 minute sprint to an incredibly sexy finish.