Wade Cutler – Sidelineland

#JobberJune

June 14, 2017 wrestlebard5 Comments

I’ve got a little crush on whoever is charting the social media course for BG East lately. I have bitched and complained mercilessly for a while about the need for homoerotic wrestling companies to up their social media game. It feels like the industry is solidly migrated to almost entirely a virtual existence online (DVD’s seeming to be going the way of the dinosaur, e.g.), so relying on eyes to reach company home pages on their own seems risky these days. And any failure to engage and titillate and evoke and provoke a virtually networked audience in between catalog releases feels downright old fashioned. So I’ve noticed with pleasure BG East’s increasing social media presence, including the excellent designation of this month as #JobberJune.

I’ve been accused in the past of hating on jobbers. I deny it vehemently, of course. Jobbers are an essential ingredient to the pro wrestling universe, and they populate plenty of my fondest homoerotic wrestling fantasies. I admit to being provoked hardest by heels and babyface heroes, but the doomed jobber is always a strongly compelling character as well. We can, and I’m sure will, debate the essence and the margins of what it means to be a jobber. I think of them as those wrestlers who routinely get their asses kicked, for whom a victory would seem an honest surprise. I don’t think of them as merely squash bait. A jobber can put up a fight, and personally I prefer it that way. But considering the sum total of their careers, when a wrestler seems fated again and again to end up beaten and humiliated, he meets my criteria for jobberhood.

The BG East social media maven has been celebrating #JobberJune with sensational call outs to classic jobbers. Casey Cutler, Wade Cutler, and Tony Consenti completely deserve this walk of shame, and seeing their photos suck me right back to lush, key moments in which watching them wrestle had me rock hard for the potent melodrama of seeing them earnestly throwing their hot bodies into the breach again and again, only to get trashed and tossed to the curb. My nostalgia button is punched hard with seeing this retrospective of hot, doomed hunks from across the decades.

Adorably upright Ken Canada got a richly deserved spot in the #JobberJune rotation. A long-standing friend of this blog, Ken was that upstanding, earnest babyface brand of jobber. His lean muscles, lightly hairy pecs, and button nose were the sensational framework for a jobber. Especially after interviewing him, I think of Ken as this supremely earnest, eager, fully game hunk who had sensational raw material for competitive wrestling, which made his lamb-to-slaughter narrative that much more compelling.

So I’m putting #JobberJune on my recurring calendar notifications for years to come. And I’m excited to see who the social media maven at BGE comes up with next for the #JobberJune walk of shame. I’d most definitely nominate gorgeous little firecracker Reese Wells, who always seemed right on the edge of wrestling glory, only to be literally upended before the final fall.

Then there’s Ricky Martinez. Everything about him in still frame screamed sensationally equipped competitor, but over and over his pristine beauty was ruined by viciousness, cunning, and extravagant dirty tricks.

Surely top contender for the most popular jobber in BGE history has to be Rio Garza. I always longed to see Rio mobilize that fantasy man body to do better in competition. In retrospect, Rio’s capacity to make me call him out as a doormat has been, of course, testimony to what a compelling jobber he’s been. Being literally a winner of fan polls for best body AND possessing one of the most lopsided win-loss records on the books points to some of the most potent elements to why jobbers inhabit our wrestling fantasies. Beauty spoiled. Hot bodies broken down and laid bare. Ambition and promise crushed by an opponent more than willing to go darker, deeper, and nastier. Jobbers tell a story that turns us on.

Tommy Tara, Christopher Bruce, Mr. E, Muscle Mask… we keep watching not because we actually expect to see them pull out a victory. Personally, I want to be held in suspense, even if I know that fates are aligned against a particular hunk in the long run. But we watch because there’s something provocative about watching a man charge into the fray courageously, without a shred of realistic hope of coming out on top. It’s less about how a wrestler stacks up against any particular opponent, but more about a psychic flaw within him that makes the tick in the loser column inevitable, despite his most valiant efforts and magnificent potential. Somebody’s got to lose, and I think it’s a relatively rare wrestler who can do it so compellingly that we’re eager again and again to watch him do it, to see what inadequacy an opponent will discover amid a hot, powerful hunk’s blatantly obvious assets for kicking ass.

Who’s your favorite jobber? Post a #JobberJune reply to BG East’s Facebook page and give the jobbers some well deserved love.

So a summer sangria toast to the jobbers, this #JobberJune. And to the BG East social media maven, the first round is on me.

Christopher Bruce, where all jobbers end up

The Point

June 28, 2016June 28, 2016 wrestlebard2 Comments

Every so often I find myself in a conversation with another wrestling fan about what makes homoerotic wrestling “gay.” I’m not in the camp that would argue that all wrestling is particularly homoerotic. I’ve seen some wrestling that I would classify as thoroughly and tragically straight. An occasional wrestling match explicitly marketed toward us gay fans of wrestling will even strike me as not gay in the least. Which, of course, raises this persistent and recurring question of what makes some wrestling “gay.” I’ve said in the past that I think it’s the queer eye watching a match that ultimately qualifies (or disqualifies) a wrestling match as homoerotic. Thus, a wrestling match doesn’t have to climax in fellatio or anal penetration for me to find it outstandingly homoerotic. For that matter, I’ve enjoyed watching two wrestlers who I’m pretty damn sure are, on their own time, straight as rulers, engage in entirely non-explicit, classic pro wrestling, and peg my homoerotic meter hard. Then, of course, there’s the distinction between a wrestling match that’s explicitly gay as opposed to a wrestling match that’s homoerotic.

Walking hard on, BG East classic Dino Serra in Wrestle Shack 7

There are a lot of moving parts to deconstructing what makes a particular wrestling match gay (or straight, for that matter). But I recently found myself arguing that one component that transforms wrestling into homoeroticism (and not just being gay), is that iconic barometer of male erotic attention: the erection. I’ll add it to my swelling collection of homoerotic wrestling if I get hard watching it. Even faster, I’ll drop it in the “homoerotic” side of the equation the moment I see one of the wrestlers sprout wood.

Lance Jeffers crotch monster stole the show in Wrestle Shack 6

I’ve had a few conversations with experienced, gay professional wrestlers from BG East about the topic of erections in the ring (or on the mats). Clearly, the heat of competition, the conspicuousness of a camera crew, or perhaps the camera itself can be a cold shower to gay wrestlers who happily report getting hugely turned on by wrestling on their own time, but don’t quickly rise to the occasion when the cameras are rolling. But thankfully, the pro wrestling erection is not all that hard to find at all, and I send up a little cheer and prayer of gratitude to the homoerotic gods every time I spot one.

Wade Cutler added impressive bulge to his already bulging body in his Hard Pros matches.

I’m definitely not a size queen, but it is true that more massively endowed members are more readily spotted, particularly when the trunks are still on. And I really love what a big, growing, stretching, swelling cock looks like straining at the seams of beautifully snug wrestling gear. It’s often (not always) value added for me when a raging erection is openly acknowledged and a full-on plot device in a wrestling match. That said, there’s something poignantly, intensely erotic about the unmentioned special guest that shows up unannounced, obviously born of an unspoken, deep down, honest to the wrestling gods erotic enthusiasm for muscle pounding wrestling.

It’s all about the magnificent, massive, pounding cocks in Cockfight 2

So, sure, I could conceive of wrestling that’s gay and yet not all that homoerotic (though just knowing that wrestlers are gay likely tips the scales on my side of the screen). And I treasure many wrestling matches between ostensibly straight wrestlers who, nevertheless, crank my erotic fantasies with both (all four) hands hard. But a surefire element that never fails to make me claim a wrestling match as my kind is a hard, bulging, visibly swelling erection (preferably two or more) that stands as a living, weeping embodiment of what has made wrestling an erotic obsession of mine all my life: it’s a fucking fantastic turn on.

Lucky rookie Frank Daly found out what effect wrestling Kid Vicious can have on him!

Rick Hunter discovered how excited Kid Vicious was to wrestle him in Wrestle X

Stand and Deliver

July 14, 2015July 14, 2015 wrestlebardLeave a comment

As I’ve mentioned often in the past, one of my favorite things about summer is seeing hunks showing off their legs. Hot temps require shorts, and finally, after being hidden for months, big, beautiful thighs, and sculpted calves are set free. Someone recently referred to me as a “leg man,” which on the one hand, I don’t think I am, because I also crave big juicy pecs, peaked biceps, roped triceps, crystal cut abs, boulder-like deltoids. I love wide, bulging backs that taper in a V to a muscled ass with a shelf that you could set your martini glass on. Fuck, for that matter, I can get off on strong, sexy hands, beautiful feet, dimpled cheeks, a cleft chin, heavy-lidded bedroom eyes… the list goes on and on. But on the other hand, I have a special joy for summer exposure of powerful, thick, meaty thighs.

0119_lg — Kid Karisma’s massive rugby thighs know what I’m talking about in Gazebo Grapplers 17.

So today, I’m dedicating this post to a hold that invariably turns my crank and feeds my seasonal fetish for the particular allure of sexy legs. I once enjoyed the opportunity a favorite wrestler of mine offered me, to tell him what moves and holds I hoped to see most in his upcoming matches. I had an immediate answer for this stud in particular: standing headscissors. Like almost nothing else, there’s something so erotic about a dominant hunk with powerful thighs crushing an opponent’s head while just standing there. The inherent narrative is delicious. Standing headscissors require one battered stud to not only be kneeling or seated while his opponent punishes him, but the captured wrestler generally has to be pretty blown away already. They require that the pitcher bears down on the skull between his thighs, which, honestly, means he’s a little precariously positioned, not flat on his feet. The catcher could likely upend his tormentor with a little leverage and effort, so luxuriously long held standing headscissors are the stuff of total control. Like a cat playing with his fatally wounded prey, they signal the ascendency of the erect wrestler.

09_lg — Brooklyn Bodywrecker was the master of the standing headscissors.

And speaking of erection, I’m always fantasizing about standing headscissors getting topped off with the controlling wrestler jerking off to the feel of completely owning his opponent. It’s a hands free hold, so sure, flex and preen, trash talk good and long. But what I’d love to see is that standing grappler pounding one out all over the back of the humiliated meatscicle on his knees. Fuck, that would be a skunk in my book, instantly counting for two falls in the column of the cocky thigh master.

marco7 — Marco looks ready to get off on crushing TAK between his massively muscled thighs.

In any case, let’s drink a toast to summer, and the hot, powerful, punishing legs that now come out to play.

01_lg — Wade Cutler feels the squeeze in Hard Pros 6.

outdoor — Standing headscissors look so fine with the sun glistening off of oiled bodies.

03_lg-1 — Kickboxer Brigham Bell keeps babyface Tommy Tara in place between his crushing legs with an assist from the ropes.

hollywooderotic — Someone is almost as excited to lock on this hold as I am to watch him do it!

10_lg — Jeremy Burk grabs hold of Bulldog Barzini’s gargantuan thighs and holds on for dear life.

0412_lg — Possibly the thickest thighs in the business put to their best use, whenever Mike Columbo did this.

christopher3 — Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy!

outdoor2 — You’ve got hands, you gorgeous hunk. Use them!

1314_lg — One last shot of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler demonstrating he knows what drives me crazy.

I’d Gladly Pay you Tuesday for Friday Fashion Today

June 3, 2014 wrestlebard3 Comments

No one seemed to notice that I totally blanked out on reviewing the votes from Friday Fashion a week and a half ago. Or else you were just to polite to say anything. Regardless, I wanted to state the obvious: Wade Cutler was one stunningly sexy wrestler in a vintage red singlet! Wade pulled 77 votes, more than 50 votes ahead of second place Devon Cade, and 60 votes ahead of 3rd place Nick Veloudis (who I’ve got to spend some more time with!). Interestingly, although Corey Evans tied with Devon the week before in the same gear, hunky Corey faded to a very distant 4th place finish. All these numbers to say that homoerotic wrestling fans continue to have a major crush on one of the sexiest muscle boys to get ripped, stripped, and jacked off in the wrestling ring, Wade Cutler. Oh, and of course, on the mat, in Fantasymen 8, he wore it best!

Friday Fashion

May 23, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

I love a hot battle between gorgeous hunks! Last week’s Friday Fashion poll is a perfect case in point. Babyface boy-next-door Greg Michaels pulled a respectable 25% of the vote, but it was a dead heat as of this morning between Corey Evans and Devon Cade, with 37.6% of the vote a piece. That means in answer to the question “Who wore it best?,” we’re left with a resounding indecision! Now, normally my prescription is to have the top vote-getters thrown into a ring, naked, with the gear in question to be donned by the hunk who makes his opponent his bitch. This week, however, I have a different possible tie-breaker. Since I posted last week, I’ve tracked down another 3 homoerotic wrestlers who ALSO wore this “vintage” red singlet in smokin’ hot action. So let’s see how Corey and Devon fare in the face of this new pack of hunks. Five worthy hunks. They all wore it, but who wore it best?

fashioncorey — Last week Corey stayed in the lead until the very last moments of voting. His pumped pecs and gargantuan thighs were way too much for his opponent in Mat Hunks 1. But up against spoiler Devon AND 3 more hunks, do you think Corey wore it best this week?

fasiondevon2 — Devon Cade came from behind (and we know that wasn’t the first time!) to pry the uncontested victory out of Corey Evans hands. He wore the fuck out of that singlet, not to mention his opponent, in Undagear 13. But this week Devon’s up against Corey as well as three more stunners. What do you say, Devon fans? Still think he wore it best?

mystery5 — Inaugural Raunchy Rookie Nick Veloudis brought SO much heat in his one and only BG East appearance, with that chiseled jaw and those incredibly sexy legs. He didn’t wear it long, but when he did, did he wear it best?

mystery2 — Talk about a babyface! Hairy chested Jean Luray was so innocent in Fantasymen 7, mistaking vile heel Cruze for his new wrestling coach. Cruze seems to have scared the adorable kid right out of the business, but while he was with us, did Jean wear it best?

fashionwade — That’s right, classic homoerotic wrestling fans, legendary Wade Cutler wore this very same red singlet without anything underneath until his opponent ripped it off his hot body in Fantasymen 8. Wade unquestionably ignited the devotion of thousands of wrestling fans in his day, but specifically, in this case, did he wear it best?

Stand and Deliver

September 19, 2013 wrestlebard4 Comments

There are some holds, some moves, some moments in homoerotic wrestling that are a sure bet to make me gasp a little and set off fireworks in my brain. I frequently mention my adoration of a beautifully executed OTK, for example. The position of the bodies, the contrast of powerful control and total vulnerability… hot, hot, hot every time. Another hold that regularly strokes my lusts with extra friction and speed is the standing headscissors.

There’s a lot to enjoy about a standing headscissors. The hold gives the hunk in charge the opportunity to display his upper body for adoration while his lower body bears down on the noggin trapped between his thighs. A dominating, powerful, beautiful body on display, as if he’s not in the ring but shooting a double bi for the bodybuilding competition judges, turns my crank hard.

stand9 — Kid Karisma owns, OWNS Skip Vance in **BG East’s Matmen 23!**

Unquestionably value added from this hold is the narrative. There’s a strong can’t-be-bothered subtext about a sweet standing headscissors that absolutely electrifies me. It’s as if the upright stud is saying (and sometimes, he actually does say) I’m so in control of you that I can make you suffer helplessly by just standing here. Just a flex of those quads, a shift of muscle barely noticeable from a distance, and the boy in charge captures his prey and makes him wail. The hold communicates that cocky, told-you-so, you-should-be-humiliated-by-how-helpless-you-are story that, little wonder, speaks to the very heart of my homoerotic wrestling kink.

stand7 — BBW applies a faceclaw to a totally crushed Dino Serra in Squared Circle IV, not because he needs to, but just because it’s so fucking hot!

Of course, I enjoy it when the hunk bearing down does bother enough to tear himself away from gloating and flexing and preening to rub in the total control and humiliation he owns in this moment. A completely unnecessary claw to the face, for example. Yanking on the poor fucker’s ears or hair, cinching his head up nice and tight, pressed against his new owner’s balls… that’s the ticket!

stand6 — Look, Ma, no hands! Jonny Firestorm crushes Andy Hammer in body and soul in BG East’s **Jobberpaloozer 8**.

The standing headscissors seems to me to never be about what it takes to best an opponent. Guys don’t pull this one out of their quiver in a flurry of moves and counter-moves, for the most part. This isn’t a competitive hold that brings an opponent to submission or pins his shoulders to the mat or even efficiently wears him down, nearly as much as it is a gloating, sadistic, exploitation of a groveling challenger who’s already been beaten down to size. The standing headscissors seems to me to logically appear in the chain of the well-told homoerotic wrestling story right after the tide-turning offensive maneuver, but a few moves before the stick-a-fork-in-it-you’re-done-mother-fucker finisher.

stand2 — Dante Rosetti’s gargantuan thighs say, “Welcome to your new home,” to Barry Longshaw’s skull in BG East’s **Fantasymen 9.**

My personal infatuation with the standing headscissors was featured in one of my favorite pieces of celebrity homoerotic wrestling fiction from my collection, the Producer’s Ring. The match pits Scottish bull Gerard Butler out to wipe the smirk off the face of English beefcake, Sean Maguire, after Sean’s sweetly humiliating parody of Gerard’s muscle-fantasy performance in the movie 300.

Which naked hunk grinds out a standing headscissors? Gerard Butler on the left (scene from “300”), or Sean Maguire on the right (scene from 300 parody “Meet the Spartans”)?

Again, the scenario is precisely after the tide-turner, before the official end of the match. Spectacularly muscled Gerard (damn, I love his body!) has been crushed (starting with his scrotum), and terrorized into total submission. Smart-ass hottie Sean verbally commands the groveling Scot to willingly shove his head in between Sean’s thighs. There’s a moment’s pause, but Gerard has been laid waste by this point. In a moment of complete submission, on his knees, he slides his head in, and Sean proceeds to crush, nearly rips Gerard’s massive shoulders out of their sockets, and then pumps out a two-fisted orgasm, slathering the Scot’s wide, rippled back in cum. Yeah, that’s pretty much how that fantasy rolls…

stand4 — Muscle fantasyman Wade Cutler gets milked dry trapped in an exquisitely beautiful standing headscissors by Nick Caruso in BG East’s **Hard Pros 6**.

Not long ago, in one of those nervous, self-concious, try-not-to-appear-criminally-obsessed moments, I wrote a personal note to encourage one of my top currently competing homoerotic wrestling infatuations to keep a standing headscissors in mind when he’s called up for another match. He promised me he’d take it under advisement. For my tastes, it’s underused, and some wrestlers can tell that story of total domination and barely-need-to-lift-my-finger-to-fuck-you-over narrative so, so well. My eyes are peeled, because just thinking about a standing headscissors is making me sweat!

Happy Memorial Day

May 27, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

I don’t have much connection to the military. My grandfather was in the occupation forces in Japan following WWII, but other than that, I don’t think I actually know anyone with first-hand experience in the military (which is sort of amazing, really). Other than learning a lot of dumb ass racial stereotypes that I’ve had to deprogram from after listening to my grandfather’s non-combat exploits in Japan, everything I really know about the military comes from homoerotic wrestling.

Army vet and Guy Pearce look-alike Steve Sherman

For example, BG East’s Paradise 4 taught me that army boys look like way beefed up versions of Guy Pearce, with the roundest, hottest, muscled bubble butts in the world.

This I learned from Steve Sherman flexing and pumping his hips and letting his “manager-for-the-night” (hey, I still want that job!), coat him in baby oil everywhere.

Champion of the marines, muscleman Wade Cutler

Paradise 4 also taught me that marines are, arguably, a fraction hotter than Guy Pearce look-alike army boys, with gargantuan pecs and shoulders, though perhaps not quite as juice an ass. Wade Cutler’s buzz cut, square jaw and insanely sexy strut-n-smirk made me entirely rethink my preconceptions about marines.

Army lifts Marines and takes a long gander at that ass.

Paradise 4 further taught me that there are inter-branch rivalries between branches of the American armed forces that must be tested and tried in the only reasonable fashion: a thong-bikini oil wrestling match in front of a live audience at a gay club.

Army mounts and controls the muscle Marine.

I learned that although marine boys may look more intimidating, deliriously fuckable Guy Pearce look-alike army boys can frequently neutralize Wade Cutler’s massive muscles and put the gorgeous marine on his back…

Army in total control, publicly humiliating Marine muscles.

… and on his front, allowing Steve to humiliate the musclebound marine in front of an audience of delighted fans.

Army v Marines? Army bumps, grinds and physically dominates!

Finally, Paradise 4 taught me that given 3 rounds of loosely refereed, excessively lubricated mat wrestling between an army boy and a musclebound marine, Steve Sherman will completely make Wade Cutler his bitch! I would never have guessed it, but I’ve seen it for myself… many times over… such that my old VHS tape is getting worn out and threatening to break. There’s a strip-ring rematch between these two on Hard Pros 3 that I haven’t seen, but the photos look like mouthwatering Wade Cutler’s attempt to redeem the Marines goes down in yet another humiliating, sleepered-out cold blaze of bare naked glory.

Proud Army vet Aryx Quinn

Many years later, former homoerotic wrestler of the month and interviewee here at neverland accepted the torch from fellow army vet Steve Sherman and showed up to test the fraternal rivalry once more against marine Marco Guerra in Military Muscle. Aryx demonstrates that despite my earlier over-generalization, all army boys do not look like beefed up versions of Guy Pearce. Some of them look like a much sexier and less religio-nutball version of Stephen Baldwin. “Let me explain something to you, slowly, because you’re a marine,” Aryx explained to his muscled opponent. “At BG East, the army runs the show!”

“At BG East, the army runs the show!”

Honestly, Marco represents for the marines more competitively than Wade did. Aryx has got a tiger by the tail as the two demonstrate what clearly is a rule: Army v Marines battles must involve strip wrestling. The action is nastier than Steve Sherman’s 2-time beating up of Marine muscleman Wade, but again, it appears that a foundational truth is that when nuts and bare-asses are on the line, Army makes the Marines their bitches.

Boot Camp Drill Sergeant Travis teaches new recruit Tommy Cruze how it’s done.

Can-Am’s Boot Camp introduced me to exactly the tactics and techniques required to turn a blond, blue-eyed boy fresh off the farm into a lean, mean fighting machine for the red-white-and-blue. Drill Sergeant T begins by teaching young Tommy Cruze military hand-to-hand combat.

Military training covers all possible contingencies, including naked combat.

When your drill sergeant looks like Travis and your recruit like Tommy Cruze, perhaps it should come as no surprise that the extremely thorough fight education our soldiers undergo includes how to handle yourself when forcibly ripped and stripped out of your fatigues. Again, obviously 1:1 military combat always gets naked.

Outranked.

I also learned why they call them “Drill Sargeants.”

Recruit Brodie handles recruit Derek Cruz in Military Locker Room

Can-Am’s Military Locker Room reinforced a few of the lessons I already learned. For example, military training always involves rip ‘n’ strip wrestling between hardbodied hunks.

Brodie and Derek stay combat-ready.

Military Locker Room also taught me that the necessary finale to a hot and steamy soldierboy beatdown is a side-by-side jack-off session in the showers.

BG East’s Corporal John Daniels

BG East’s Corporal John Daniels’ Hunkbash 8 appearance taught me how soldier boys fare when faced with civilian thugs like notorious BG East heel, Dave Christian. Apparently, when it’s not a military v military battle, the trunks stay on (damn it).

The people reject martial law.

And I was shocked to discover that when faced with overwhelming firepower, Corporal John crumbles like blue cheese, transforming from a commandingly barking superior into a writhing, wallowing, physically and psychologically crushed mass of gorgeous meat. To summarize, when it’s army v marines, army wins. When it’s army v army, rank wins. When it’s military v civilian heel, civilian heel beats the living shit of the soldierboy.

John Magnum brings superior firepower pointed directly at civilian Philip Aubrey

But wait. Then there’s the counter-evidence offered by Naked Kombat, pitting 6-years of military hand-to-hand combat training of aptly named John Magnum against astonishingly lean, granola munching competitive yoga pornboy Philip Aubrey. Perhaps Magnum just outranked Corporal John Daniels, but whatever the reason, this is definitely not a hunkbash romp of crumbling military might.

John Magnum aims his artillery toward enemy lines.

It’s also not a runaway victory for marital law, either, as Magnum and Aubrey are surprisingly evenly matched throughout their NK mat match. Magnum’s far superior fire power, however, may be the edge that Corporal Daniels just didn’t have in his civilian humiliation, because Magnum narrowly tames the hippy pornboy in the end.

Taming the civilian loser in the end.

And, it turns out, when the soldierboy comes out victorious over the civilian, all of that pent up boot camp hazing and humiliation comes pouring out all over the hippy loser. Further lesson for me, when a soldier capitalizes on his military combat training to edge out a civilian pornboy, there will be a cock-tucked pony ride and lingering, groaning oral and anal.

I am one of the last people you’ll see draping myself in an American flag. I spend more time shaking my head at the squandering of our beautiful combat-trained hotties in blatantly unnecessary deployments around the world than I do pledging allegiance to the flag. But even I will admit that there is a necessary and proper role of a well-maintained military in establishing peace and security. For those who’ve done just that, I offer my respect this Memorial Day. And for those who’ve turned that military conditioning and training into over the top homoerotic wrestling art, I offer my enthusiastic and wholehearted gratitude.

Thunderstruck

July 22, 2012July 1, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

Co-Homoerotic Wrestlers of the Month: Cage Thunder & Lightning Rod

Typically, I enjoy writing a retrospective of the wrestling career of my current homoerotic wrestler of the month during his reign. Despite having, for only the second time, co-owners of the title this month, it’s a little tough saying more about either Cage Thunder or Lightning Rod that hasn’t already been said exceedingly well already. In the case of masked sexy man Lightning Rod, he’s appeared only once, so a career retrospective would be pretty much what I’ve already written about him. I’ve lobbied the boys at BG East to get me in touch with LR to do an interview and explore more behind the mask of the curiously expert sex wrestler, but we’ll have to see what comes of that.

Wrestler, writer, philosopher: Cage Thunder is the total package.

With Cage Thunder, however, the challenge is just the opposite. Choosing a homoerotic wrestler of the month who is also an acclaimed and published author who keeps his own deeply self-reflective homoerotic wrestling blog leaves so many questions long ago answered. If Thunderdome isn’t already on your regular reading list, it should be. You’ll enjoy reading more about what goes on in the ring, on the mat, and inside the mind of Cage Thunder than I could ever manage to catalog here.

Wade Cutler: 5’6″, 165 lbs., a perfect choice to be destroyed by Cage Thunder in the ring!

Case in point, in response to my interview with him earlier this month, Cage Thunder posted a series of blog posts at Thunderdome answering some of my questions in artistic detail and greater depth than we discussed in the moment of the interview. He posted a 3-part series on BG East wrestlers he hasn’t faced yet, who he’d like to put at the front of the line for getting his hands on (and legs around!). Some of his picks, and his explanations of what he’d do to them, leave nothing left to be said. Classic, bubble-butted muscleboy Wade Cutler vs. Cage Thunder… there are just no further words necessary or relevant!

Dante Rosetti: 5’11”, 210 lbs., chisel-chinned, muscle beast!

The same goes for another classic muscleboy that Cage Thunder mentioned, Dante Rosetti. Personally, I think Cage Thunder is never sexier than when he’s testing the limits and then ultimately beating into whimpering submission gorgeous, powerful muscleboys like Wade and Dante!

Tony Cosenti: 5’9″, 180 lbs., looks that could kill, but since they can’t, he’d be Cage Thunder’s plaything before long!

He also named “sexy god Tony Consenti” on his list of dream matches. Holy fuck! Tony vs. Cage Thunder in the Wrestle Shack. Cage Thunder sitting on Tony’s beautiful babyface, stripping him of his trunks, licking Tony’s pits, force-feeding him his cock…. Exquisite!

Beau Nasty & Shane Styles: Come on, Cage! Own both these badboys at once!

He listed a total of 21 fantasy matches with current and former BG East wrestlers he’d enjoy facing. Each one is a feast for the homoerotic wrestling imagination. Of Cage Thunder’s most authoritative list, in addition to Wade, Dante, and Tony, I’d also pull out my wallet and unzip my pants to see him in the ring against the Nasty One, Beau Nasty. Beau made Cage Thunder’s list for his “nasty attitude, beautifully proportioned lean, muscular body, a smoking hot ass,” and his “evil sneer.” I’d also add that Beau could pack the front of his trunks with the bet of them. However, here’s where I’d expand on the potently hot pick that Cage Thunder made on his blog. Sure, Beau would exact some sublime suffering, but I it’s inconceivable to me that Cage Thunder would fail to end up with one hand wrapped around the base of Beau’s cock and balls and the other squeezing Beau’s luscious ass. Now, that works for me, don’t get me wrong! But throw in Beau’s frequent tag team partner, Shane Styles, for a 2-on-1 ring romp, doing his best to defend his buddy’s vulnerable junk, and then we’d have likely one of my top 5 favorite matches of all time. I suspect Cage Thunder wouldn’t mind too much the extra effort of taming both boys at the same time!

The Enforcer: 5’11”, 210 lbs., chisel-chinned, muscle beast!

The Thunder in the “Thunder and Lightning” reigning champs asked for comments naming which wrestler fans would put at the very top of the list of fantasy matches for him. You know me. I’ve always got an opinion. It only took me about 30 seconds to decide, but I really can’t imagine who else I’d rather see in an all out brutal battle of masked muscle destruction than a heel vs. heel ring match in the BG East ring room against undefeated god of the underworld, the Enforcer. Just the idea of a battle of brutal muscle bashing between these two makes me weak in the knees. Either Enforcer would finally crush and tame Cage Thunder, or my co-owner of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month would tame the silent beast and, if my fantasies were to come true, unmask the granite chinned hunk, rip his trunks off of him, and turn the Enforcer into a quivering mass of sweat and cum trapped in the corner. I’d be pulling for the latter scenario!

Mitch Colby punishing Cage Thunder!? Oh, if only this were more than “just” art!

All this said, of course, skips the obvious. Whatever genius devised a photoshoot of pro wrestling holds between Cage Thunder and Mitch Colby but failed to book an actual match between them produced an epic fail of mind boggling proportions. The heat generated just by my mentioning lovely Mitch to Cage Thunder is enough to prove that this match is absolute gold just waiting to be unearthed!

Playing God

August 29, 2011July 1, 2013 wrestlebard3 Comments

I’ve been thinking about friends and family on the East Coast and hoping that everyone is surviving the aftermath of Hurricane Irene. AH emailed me this morning from his smart phone to let me know that he’s been without power for 24 hours and amusing himself with the mental game of assembling his ideal wrestler’s body from the component parts of many different wrestlers. In honor of AH and everyone mopping up from that messy bitch, Irene, I decided to quickly put together a post playing AH’s game of ordering up my ideal wrestler’s body a la carte.

Turns out, this is one tough game to play! I set out for myself the task of choosing no more than one body part from any one wrestler. Then I went to scouring my mental and literal library of homoerotic wrestling favorites to decide who to deconstruct in order to reconstruct into the assemblage of an over the top, made to order homoerotic wrestling god. I spun my wheels for quite a while getting a start on this project. There are so many wrestlers who I think of as possessing physical perfection, but many of them don’t necessarily possess the perfect singular body part divorced from the rest. But body part by body part, this is what I came up with:

For some reason, it worked for me to start from the bottom and work my way up my mad scientist construction of the ideal wrestling body. My Frankenstein’s monster of physical wrestling perfection has Troy Baker’s legs. Troy was in the running for nearly every body part, frankly, but it was Troy’s own love his legs that made me single them out for this recipe. Thick and hard without a whisper of body fat, Troy’s legs were simply perfection, as far as I’m concerned. When he had Nick Archer’s noggin’ trapped between his crushing thighs, Troy looked like he was just about to cum with delight in the overpowering beauty of his dominating power. Though Troy did not literally cum in that moment, I’m certain that I’m not alone when I say that I certainly did, and have repeatedly, in worshipful lust for Troy’s unbelievable legs.

Hanging between my assembled wrestling’s god’s ripped thighs is Brian Maxon’s cock and balls. Between you and me, Brian Maxon’s wrestling usually left me a little uninspired. His cock, however, once unsheathed and getting worshipped by the loser he conquered on the mats, was pretty nearly my impression of phallic perfection. There are most certainly longer wrestling cocks, and a few thicker, but Brian’s cock was a perfectly proportioned monster that demanded to be be worshipped.

Spin my cut-n-paste wrestling god around and you’ll get a sight of the most gorgeous homoerotic wrestling glutes on the planet, which actually belong and fit so beautifully on the body of Kid Karisma. Quite literally, I’ve put in a pitch for a wrestler spotlight DVD that stars Kid K’s ass, specifically. Somewhere (I can’t put my finger on the text at the moment… I think Joe wrote it), I saw Kid K described as a Tom of Finland drawing come to life. It’s the ass that makes that statement 110% true (see recent posts regarding my mathematical shortcomings).

Allowing our eyes to wander upward from Kid K’s perfect ass, we would find on my assembly of a made-to-order wrestling god the back of Brett Mycles. A thickly muscled back is a thing of wonder. I’ve seen some inspiring pec frottage, but I’m still looking for a scene of a wrestler working out an ecstatic explosion in the deep cravasse between the mountainous bulges of a muscled back like Brett’s. The aesthetics of a narrow, corded lower back beneath an astonishingly wide and contoured lat spread capped off by thick delt and trap muscles is just about the most beautiful thing in the world, I think.

Again, let’s spin my wrestling creation around now to take a look at the front, where he’s sporting Rafe Sanchez’ abdominal muscles. I’ve ranted a bit before (perhaps unfairly) about comments in a discussion group that referred disparagingly to Rafe’s body as “not the best.” I couldn’t disagree more, not in total, and most certainly not when it comes to the marble sculpture that are his abdominals and obliques. Add a cup of water and a squirt of detergent and I swear to you it would require not more than three passes to get your laundry clean on that washboard! The separation between each scale of that armor is superhuman. I’d want no one else’s ripped to shreds core on my wrestling god assemblage.

As our eyes wander upward from Rafe’s rocking abs, we’ll see the luscious pecs of Darius. Choosing whose pecs to add to my homoerotic wrestling god was perhaps the most difficult selection of all. If I hadn’t already cannibalized Troy Baker’s legs, his pecs very well could’ve beat out Darius’. As it is though, it’s Darius’ monster pecs that made the shortlist. Hot. Damn.

Shoulders were another tough call for me, but I decided that my homoerotic wrestling god of my own creation will have Wade Cutler’s delts. The mountainous, angular boulders that were Wade’s shoulders always completely captivated me, and they still do today as I treasure the moments where Wade shows up in my library of homoerotic wrestling. Massive, wide, veiny shoulders are intensely erotic, not to mention damn useful in a fierce wrestling contest. My wrestling god compilation sports the best shoulders I could think of.

Again, arms were difficult to select, owing to the deep field of worthy applicants. I’m giving a nod to rookie beauty, Thiago Diaz, however, because his arms are stunning. With arms it’s certainly not all about size. Shape, proportion, balance and definition speak to me more when it comes to arms than blunt size. Thiago’s bulging biceps and massively thick forearms are entirely worthy additions to the wrestling god of my creation.

Finally, capping off the physical perfection of my wrestling god creation is the devastatingly handsome face of Brad Rochelle. Brad was in a barnburner of a race against exactly one other gorgeously handsome homoerotic wrestling hunk to lend his face to my creation. It was the cleft chin that just 5 seconds ago made me select Brad’s perfect visage.

Of course, this ideal homoerotic wrestling body I’ve just created requires some extensive smoothing and adjusting to match up size, complexion, and proportion. And I’m already thinking that, while this fits my “Muscle Worshipper” type that I scored highest on in yesterday’s quiz from Manof1000Holds, an equally perfect body would be made of entirely different parts to construct my idea of perfection when it comes to a pretty boy (okay, some of the same parts would certainly apply), or a bad boy.

Excellent exercise, AH! I hope you’re managing to keep yourself entertained as you wait for the power to come back on. So whose parts would comprise your ideal homoerotic wrestler?

Bard’s Pilgrim Way

August 1, 2011July 1, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Club Paradise – Cambridge, MA

Where I come from, gay clubs tend to come and go like the tide. They may stay in the same location but change names and genres. They may keep the same name but move around the neighborhood. I don’t know if Boston is like that, so I can’t really say if the gay club Paradise in Cambridge may be the same venue where BG East shot their Paradise oil wrestling series. But while I’m working in the area, as one stop on my BGE pilgrimage, I took a stroll down Mass Ave and snapped these shots of Paradise today.

Like I said, I don’t know if this is the venue where BGE’s Paradise series was shot, but I get a little aroused just thinking about. The first Paradise tape was released back in 1989. All four tapes in the Paradise collection feature ripped, beautiful BGE boys getting oiled up and cheered on by a raging crowd of horny gay men as the studs grapple and slide all over each other on the dance floor.

Terry Reed brutalizes Dave Lowe – BG East’s Paradise 2

Regular readers already know what I have to say about much of this: 1) Homoerotic wrestling in front of a live audience is an obsession of mine lately. When the crowd gets into the action, it ups the eroticism for me many times over. The 2 Paradise tapes I own show the eager audience quickly picking their favorites and egging on the soaked studs tossing one another around for their pleasure. When they bark out, almost plaintively, what they want their champion to do to his opponent, it’s like an invisible hand stroking me to watch the wrestlers respond, taking their cues and doing their best to deliver what their worshippers cry out for.

Max Dare gets prepped for battle – BG East’s Paradise 1

And, of course, there’s the oil. Lubricated wrestling is as inherently erotic as it is iconic. For the Paradise matches, one lucky bastard from the audience got to oil down each wrestler and serve as that wrestler’s corner man for his match. Their duties seemed to be primarily focused on the liberal, lingering application of baby oil, shouting encouragement, and rubbing down their shoulders between rounds. This is a job I was made for.

Oil wrestling at Paradise cannot help itself but be a bit gimmicky at times. The setting and circumstances are more performance art than competitive or classic pro. But there are a few Paradise moments that I find extremely provocative and some of my favorite snapshots of homoerotic wrestling. Rev Sutton’s delivery in Paradise 3 against upstanding, clean cut Dave Lowe is truly inspired. Rev embodies a fully fleshed out heel character in an instant. He’s a cocky narcissist. He smirks and rolls his eyes at his opponent for daring to face him. He seems to seriously be ready to get off on dominating bright-eyed Davey. He even throws ice at him contemptuously between rounds, talking shit to his cornerman about what he’s going to do to the chump across from him. Most Paradise matches don’t take this much of a detour into classic pro storytelling, and for that, I absolutely love Rev Sutton in Paradise 3.

Miguel gets revenge on bully Sean – BG East’s Paradise 3

On a completely different end of the spectrum, Miguel Santos’ match against Sean Parker is a charmer. The set-up is that Sean was Miguel’s bully in school, but my, oh my, look at Miguel all grown up now! Both boys are cute as buttons and truly wonderful to watch squeeze and scramble in the oil. The morality tale of bully-gets-his, as cliche as it is, somehow sucks me in, and I find myself wanting to see stunningly gorgeous and now-bigger Miguel get a little revenge. An unexpected bonus in this match is the fact that Miguel has a series of wardrobe malfunctions, and they never quite manage to find the thong that can contain his big, beautiful balls.

Steve Sherman tangles with Wade Cutler – BG East’s Paradise 4

Iconic classic homoerotic wrestler Wade Cutler shows up in both Paradise 3 & 4. In 4, he faces off with Steve Sherman in a prelude to the classic ring battle that has stills popping up in fan sites in every wrestling kink corner of the internet. There’s something gaspworthy, however, about watching muscleboy Wade get his assed kicked like he’s some 98-pound weakling by the bodybuilder (and clearly experienced amateur wrestler) Johnny Rock in Paradise 3. Wade has been a recurring star in many a sweat-soaked homoerotic wrestling dream of mine, and seeing him getting owned by Johnny Rock has fueled many a fond fantasy.

Jay Austin wails on Dennis the Menace – BG East’s Paradise 2

The BG East website no longer lists it, but the Marky Mark and Cruze match in Paradise 4 is another sure fire orgasm for me. One of these days I’ll order Paradise 1 & 2, and I’m sure I’ll find myself happy to own all of these classic glimpses of club wrestling kink. So is Paradise on Mass Ave in Cambridge the same venue that brought us these beautiful works of art? I don’t know, but just the possibility made this stop along my homoerotic wrestling kink pilgrim’s way truly inspiring!

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