Tag: Big Sexy

Friday Fashion

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I’m calling it. Last week’s Friday Fashion poll appears to have tested loyalties. A couple of readers commented that they caught themselves by surprise with their votes. When it comes to those pink and lime green square cuts making their rounds of the locker room at Thunder’s Arena, the real competition turned out to be between Big Sexy and Vinny. But when push came to shove and you had to pick just one, 48.5% of you broke just one way.

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Big Sexy wore it best.

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Little wonder that Big Sexy is pulling down victories so long after formally leaving the homoerotic wrestling scene. He was, for quite a while, the premiere franchise player for Thunder’s Arena, combining devastating mat skills, a made-for-pro larger than life attitude, and a phenomenal rock-‘n’-roll body.

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Although others subsequently donned these pink and lime green square cuts, it’s hard not to see what the plurality of Friday Fashion voters saw in declaring that he wore them best. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand ties, Big Sexy’s ass is one of the very best in wrestling anywhere, at anytime. The quarter panel alternating colors on these trunks look custom made for Big Sexy’s fabulous, massively muscled glutes, accentuating that size, shape, and mouthwatering aesthetics of his athletic ass cheeks. I’m sure many voters were appreciating other angles that convinced them that Big Sexy wore it best, but as for me, I can’t tear my eyes away from the absolute perfection of his ass.

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In any case, congratulations, Big Sexy, wherever you are. You are missed, but almost 49% of us still agree that you wore it best!

I noticed a different pair of trunks stretched across the fine forms of three different wrestlers (that I could find, at least), to lift up for your consideration for today’s Friday Fashion poll.  No guarantees that I’ll keep Friday Fashion resurrected long, but now that I’m back into it, let’s have some more fun.

Bobby Burns

BG east slid at least 3 lovely, lean wrestlers into a certain pair of red and black pro trunks. I believe it was Bobby Burns who may have worn them first, taking a beating from Caleb Brand in Ring Rookies 1. He sported them again in Ringwars 18.

Perry Pearson

Perry Pearson later fished these small, simple classic cuts out of the BG East closet for Matmen 20. He stands out in this field as the only wrestler to make them mat gear.

Stone Whitman

Much more recently, it’s been Stone Whitman’s ripped body working to make these curve accentuating trunks all his own, originally a while back in Knock Outs 1, and then again earlier this year in Submissions 10 getting worked over by Jonny.

All three hunks wore them. I think they each make them work in remarkably different ways. But in your opinion, who wore it best? Vote below.

 

 

Friday Fashion

wrestlebard3 Comments
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Big Sexy’s epic ass clad in pink and lime

I amuse myself. I also offend, bore, irritate, and disgust others at times. I know this because I get comments to that effect on a regular basis. The liberating part of blogging about my erotic tastes and opinions, however, is that whether or not any particular reader likes what I write about, it’s really all about me (sorry Ty). So you can disagree with me, complain even, and I’m still good. As long as you don’t make racist, agist, anti-Semitic, body shaming or otherwise personal attacks. I shut down that shit on the pages of my own blog in a heartbeat.

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NJustice’s bubble butt packed into the same trunks.

The flip side of that tension is that occasional experience when a reader tells me that something I’ve written turned them on, titillated, or tickled them. Like I said, it’s still all about me, but I’m happy when it turns out to be about you, as well. So it’s a nice surprise when a long-time friend of this blog reached out with a specific suggestion for resurrecting one of my favorite games here at neverland. I always suspect my polls and quizzes entertain me more than anyone else, so of course I’m thrilled to pull out a new installment of Friday Fashion, aka, Who Wore It Best.

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Brute’s glutes work the full range of motion in these square cuts.

Specifically, we’ve been asked to weigh in on a particular pair of lime green and pink square cut trunks. Thunder’s Arena fans recognize this gear in a heartbeat. I believe that it’s likely that Big Sexy wore them first. Considering they keep popping up cradling the bulges and baubles of new TA competitors, I’m guessing they’re a permanent part of the TA gear closet. If those trunks could talk, I’d buy them a cup of coffee to hear what they have to say about the sensational glutes that have stretched their seams over the years.

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Vinny’s muscled ass makes a big for fitting these trunks best.

While we can’t ask the trunks which body they enjoyed lifting, separating, and supporting most, I can ask neverland readers who you think wore it best. The contenders are all big bruisers. Big Sexy slid his big sexy body into these storied pink and lime trunks in at least 5 matches (currently embargoed on TA’s public store, reportedly at Big Sexy’s request). NJustice dabbled in TA competition just a couple times, but it was his Brutal mauling at the hands of Brute in Mat Wars 69 that gave us a chance to see how the pink and lime square cuts perform on the receiving end of an indy pro grudge beat down. Then again, perhaps Brute just had his eyes on those trunks, because he subsequently packed his massively muscled ass into them in Custom 28, Ring Wars 17, Mat Wars 59, Custom 31, Rough & Ready 79,  and Labor Day Special. And finally big, big muscleman Vinny bulged in the pink and lime in Custom 37.  They all wore them. Who wore them best?  Vote below.

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Big Sexy certainly wore it first, and though we haven’t heard from him in a while, we know who he would think wore it best.
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NJustice wore it just once, but it was certainly memorable. Memorable enough to say he wore it best?
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Brute has worn it most often, clearly liking how these trunks look on him. In this case, do quantity and quality amount to the same conclusion? Did he wear it best?
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Vinny left nothing to the imagination in the one, stunning match he wore these trunks. Did he wear it best?

 

My Walk Down Memory Lane

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Joe has already given the stamp of approval in his review of Thunders Arena’s “Bathroom Battle,” which Joe perhaps more evocatively dubs “Psycho Shower Scene.”  But I wanted to add an, “Amen, brother,” and tell you a few things that Joe didn’t mention, but grabbed my… attention.

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This shower isn’t big enough for these 4 mouthwatering pecs!

The whole scenario starts out shaky for me, because as soon as Big Sexy tries to bully Z-Man out of the bathroom mid-shave, Z-Man turns into the cat that ate the canary.  You, me, Joe, everyone has pointed out how that how shit-eating grin on Z-Man’s handsome face is both crotch warming and tends suck the air out of any suspension of disbelief a homoerotic wrestling scene requires. But there it is, irrepressible and adorable, but aggravating (me) as hell. Happily, Big Sexy merely turns up the heat and puts the beautiful Playgirl model in such jeopardy that there’s little time for any more grinning, just gasping and pleading and sputtering, trying not to drown.

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Thank you, Big Sexy, for wiping that grin right off of Z-Man’s pretty face!

Have I ever disclosed around here that I was once president of my fraternity?  It isn’t something that comes up in conversation often at this point in my life, but it’s true enough.  Bathroom Battle, as contrived and “bizarro” as Joe rightly describes it to be, somehow manages to convey an ironic authenticity about it as I stroll down memory lane with each outlandish, over the top hijink these two get up to.  I have cataloged in my mind, fondly, almost disturbingly similar scenes from my frat house days, as guys turned the bathroom (the chapter room, the hallways, the kitchen, whatever) into a pro-wrestling ring.  And just like in my frat house days, the shit goes from clowning to oh-fuck-you-didn’t-just-do-that in the blink of an eye.

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It’s all fun and games until…

The genre is executed well. I’m caught by surprise by how fully the boys manage to sell combat in what has to be one of the most work-unfriendly places to stage a rip and strip NHB wrestling match.  Seriously, if you work for OSHA, DO NOT go to ThunderTV and watch this, because I’m afraid, despite your obvious wrestling fetish, you will feel compelled to report this shit for about 50 workplace safety violations.  There are several points at which I’m holding my breath waiting to see one or both of these gorgeous hunks go down hard and break something internal as they impact the wet tiles of the bathroom floor.  Kudos to both of these high class veterans, however.  No one appears to have any lasting damage by the end… at least not any accidentally inflicted damage.

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As Joe points out, do NOT try this at home! Unless it’s my home…

The intentional damage these two pillars of the franchise inflict is oddly satisfying and deeply erotic to my eyes.  They both can’t seem to get enough of clawing the living hell out  of each other’s balls.  Z-Man even goes for a two-handed ball claw near the end, presumably because 1) it applies twice the pressure, and 2) what Big Sexy has stuffed down his trunks is more than one handful.  They quickly and unsolicitedly (is that a word?) peel each other out of their skin tight square cuts, and Z-Man’s undergear in particular is incredibly tiny.  I mean, that orange thong gets rolled up into what is essentially just a g-string in seconds and stays that way through most of the scene, giving Z-Man fans and ass fans some of the finest, wettest, most compromised looks at his lovely booty.  You won’t see the full monty, even though this is a bathroom battle, but there’s plenty of bare ass and glimpses of cocks and balls as their paper thin speedos stretch and strain at the edges.

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Big Sexy is sort of asking for it with that Grizzly Adams beard, isn’t he?

I like the innovation here, including Z-Man’s use of Big Sexy’s luxuriously bearded face to scrub the scum off of the shower glass.  Big Sexy hoisting the smaller hunk off his feet and onto the bathroom counter to finish the shave Z-Man was in the middle of at the beginning of the scene similarly warms my cockles for the commitment to tell a story, connect some dots, be present.

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Z-Man gets hoisted off his feet and whisker-burned across his gorgeous pecs, all on wet tile. This is a workplace safety nightmare!

It’s a well sold story, at that, and somehow the back and forth battle holds my attention, builds suspense, and feeds me regular thrills in wet, nearly naked hunk watching all at the same time. No more shit-eating grin, and Z-Man completely convinces me when he nearly wrenches Big Sexy’s balls off to take control of the big man, humiliate him, dominate him. “You’re a dirty dog, and this is Z-Man Grooming Services ©” Z-Man snarls, and in that over the top, I’m-being-clever-but-also-posturing-for-dominance way, he sells it.  At least I buy it.

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This old school chicken wing looks like the early steps toward tantric sex to me. To hear Z-Man’s groans, it sounds like it, too!

The end of this match totally shocks me, and frankly, I’m not easily shocked.  Z-Man does his best Dick Cheney impression on his opponent whose facial hair bears more than passing resemblance to that of an observant Muslim, and damn it all if I’m not slack jawed, offended, and wildly turned on all at the same time.

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Too soon?

The water boarding is pure balls, as far as I’m concerned, and depending on your politics and proximity to military intelligence assets, you may either get way, way pissed off by how this all plays out, or like me, you may find enough time has passed to make water boarding available for eroticizing.  Either way, I’m left feeling exhausted, de-hydrated, and in need of a long, hard shower.  Who’s coming over to fight for the soap?

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Two of the finest asses not even close to being fully covered in soaked, transparent undergear.

Oh, and there’s towel slapping.  That probably sells the authentic frat house romp gone way too serious more than anything.  Z-Man’s hot, juicy ass getting snapped with a wet towel.  Oh, those were the days…

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At this point in the battle, that shit-eating grin makes total sense.

Thursday Thunder

wrestlebard1 Comment

Braden Charron has been making some moves.  He’s apparently now taking bookings via the hardest working hunk in homoerotic wrestling, Cameron Matthews.  He’s also sported an insanely ripped version of his always gorgeous physique in many of his new releases recently. He’s available at Randy Blue, BG East, Thunder’s Arena, and apparently your home wrestling mat!  One of his newest appearances is inThunder’s Arena’s recent Custom Video Series 10 release, doing battle with Mr. Franchise, Big Sexy.

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Sexy is as Sexy does.

This is, as far as I can tell, the first time the two of these hunks have wrestled on camera. However, the premise is that Big Sexy spikes Braden’s water bottle in order to get revenge.  What’s the revenge for? Having meatier pecs than Big Sexy? Rivaling Big Sexy for most fuckable ass at Thunder’s?  The narrative isn’t tight enough to make it clear, but the story charges ahead.

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Completely different styles, but two of the sexiest asses on the planet!

The drugged homoerotic wrestling scenario is an interesting phenomenon, I think. Custom 10 makes me think of dozens of old PWP stripperboy wrestling matches that hinge upon one mouthwatering hunk starting to get seriously outmatched, but then turning the tables by pulling out a cloth soaked in chloroform. Is that stuff really that readily available?! I’ve never seeen it at my corner drugstore (so, sure, yeah. I’ve looked.). But then again PWP is Canadian, and they get all the good healthcare up there.  Anyhow, as in PWP chloroform matches, Thunder’s Custom 10 seems divided into almost equal halves.  The first half features decently competitive muscleboy wrestling between two heavy hitting studs that, together, ooze gallons of sexiness.

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Braden does not know which end is up once Big Sexy gets his claws in him.

Braden has not impressed me as ready for prime time when it comes to his wrestling skills. I did get a sweet rush of his potential in his BG East Wrestlefest 3 offensive against Dick Rick.  It’s short lived, but watching those moments when he cockily dominates the vicious pro heel as Braden’s fan club goes nuts seeing him flex over his bashed opponent gets my blood pumping.  In Custom 10, he’s a little faster and considerably more aggressive than I’ve seen him before. Big Sexy, who possesses possibly the perfect wrestling arsenal combined with knee-quivering sexiness works over the muscleboy in the early moments, almost instantly peeling Braden’s tank top off (not a moment too soon).  He lifts him, carries, him, and slams him to the mat.  When Braden tries to counter with a full nelson, no shit, he physically cannot manage to wrap his musclebound arms around the mile-wide shoulders of Big Sexy.  So much fucking muscle!

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Braden is learning how to leverage all those muscles just right for homoerotic wrestling!

However, Braden delightfully, and convincingly, starts to make it a competition. In fact, Braden takes my breath away just a tad when he abruptly lifts the Sexy One up over one shoulder and rips Big Sexy’s baggy trunks off  his legs in mid-air (not a moment too soon). Big Sexy being carried and stripped to his very brief trunks is a sight for sore eyes! I’ve gone on the record repeatedly as deeply infatuated with the extremely hot, hard glutes of Big Sexy.  His ass is not the roundest, not the meatiest, but it is astonishingly gorgeous in it’s obvious utility. He’s crafted those glutes from absolute ages of training and wrestling, leaving him with a shelf that you could set your beer can on while you take a lap around his illustrated physique.  Mere moments later, Big Sexy pulls off the same over-the-shoulder carry-and-strip maneuver on Braden (not a moment too soon), revealing what has got to be one of the roundest, meatiest, aesthetically mind-blowing asses on the planet! I know, because I’ve checked, that Braden has not always been in possession of glutes as insanely developed as these.

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Braden force feeds the Sexy One.

Braden applies all of that stunning muscle just right, absolutely crushing Big Sexy’s face against one of those mountainous slabs of granite he calls his pecs lately. The muscleboy nearly rips Sexy’s arm off at the shoulder in a hammerlock that makes Big Sexy’s voice lift 20 decibels and an octave and a half, giving away the first submission. That’s right. Braden gets the first submission on Big Sexy, and I’m buying every second.

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Braden’s got the muscle to rip that massive arm right off at the shoulder!

To celebrate, Braden downs the last half of his spiked water bottle, and slowly, unfairly, underhandedly, it all goes south for the muscleboy.  Big Sexy’s bearhug on the increasingly disoriented stud is just so fucking intimate and intense!  Muscles locked against muscles. Braden is lifted off his feet, hanging there, his knees digging into Sexy’s hips as he groans and gasps, struggling to endure the agony. Moments later, growing more and more groggy, Braden finds his face trapped nice and tight high between Big Sexy’s thighs in still another intimate moment, this time a mouthwatering face-to-crotch headscissors. And here’s where Big Sexy really shines in my eyes.  He looks over his shoulder at the camera, gauges the angle, and drags Braden’s muscled body, head trapped between Sexy’s thighs, across the mat to provide the perfect, unobstructed view of Braden’s nose shoved up underneath Big Sexy’s balls.

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Braden is nearly unconscious on his feet, but Big Sexy just keeps pounding away at that work of art he calls a physique.

Suddenly, there are three of us in this mat room. Big Sexy. Braden. And the customizer who gave Thunder’s the concept for this video.  Big Sexy returns every so often to gaze into the camera, wagging his eyebrows, wordlessly asking if he’s fucked up this muscleboy enough yet. He hoists the stud up in his arms, hanging helplessly across his chest, and bashes Braden’s back into the cinderblock wall repeatedly. Braden sells like Wall Street trader, both filled with rage at his humiliating domination, and shock to realize that all of those mountains of muscle just aren’t obeying his commands.

There’s no way to put it other than that Big Sexy has his way with Braden.  He pries him apart, flings him to the mat, dragging him back up again and tosses the side of beef around some more. Braden is all-but-out, when the Sexy One ties his wrists together behind his back before rousing the stud, dragging him to his feet, and gut punching him some more.  Braden can’t protest.  So much power, so much beauty, and he’s turning to mush in Big Sexy’s machinations.  There’s a sexy 3-count pin, but who’s counting?  Braden is hoisted back up into a Big Sexy bearhug, where he passes out hanging in his opponent’s crushing arms. A nasty slam to the mat rouses the muscleboy, barely.

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A short trip.

Big Sexy sleepers the beefcake back out old (it’s a short journey, drugged as he is). Braden finally goes slack in his arms. Big sexy poses over top of his hot body, with Braden flat on his stomach and those stunning globes of glutes lying there, slack, so vulnerably.  I’m  not sure why Big Sexy duct tapes his unconscious opponent’s wrists behind his back before he flexes his sweat-soaked body, making an “I’m here to please” look at the camera.  He wipes the  Big Sexy sweat off his face and flicks it onto Braden’s sleeping body with contempt.

Someone’s got a sick, sick imagination to have ordered up this muscle mugging of a match. And I, for one, take my hat off to them.  Well played, sir.  Well played.

Back Again

wrestlebard5 Comments
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Chace LaChance is mesmerized by the feel of Braden’s Charron awesomely muscled back in BG East’s Summer Sizzler bonus match.

Those who connected with me on FB are aware that I’ve been traveling “abroad” for the past couple of weeks, which accounts for my complete absence from posting new material here at neverland. My time away was excellent, full of both rest and rejuvenation, but I have to admit, I missed home. Good news is, however, that I’m back!

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Kevin Crowes illustrated back is a stunning work of art, and his erotic wrestling certainly stunned wrestling pornboy veteran Rusty Stevens in Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4

I have some match reviews to post in the next couple of weeks, along with a final installment of my virtual pilgrimage to BG East’s south campus, and there will be, as always, more random thoughts and musings that are the meat the potatoes of neverland.

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That’s one incredibly big, sexy back in Thunder’s Arena’s Bearhug Challenge 9.

Those into homoerotic wrestling fiction can also look forward to some more stories from Alex at our sidelineland site, as well as a new feature from me there that was a special request from a smokin’ hot wrestler and friend of this blog. So much wrestling eroticism to talk about, pick apart, put back together and, as always, being ecstatically inspired by!

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Oiled, exhausted, incredibly beautiful backs wait for the final score in Naked Kombat’s June 19th battle between Landon Conrad and Alex Adams.

Damn, it’s good to be back.

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Dev Michael’s gladiator back bulges beautifully as he breaks apart Austin Cooper piece by piece in BG East’s Hunkbash 14.

Freshly Inked

wrestlebard1 Comment
I think it’s been a while since I mused over my infatuation with tattooed wrestlers.  It’s true that my own ink likely biases me toward my appreciation of illustrated hunks, but then again, my appreciation of illustrated hunks definitely influenced my own body art choices.  Not everyone looks good inked.  Definitely not all ink looks good, as far as I’m concerned.  But there are many tattooed wrestlers who instantly own my allegiance when the step onto the mat or into the ring, in large part because they’ve got incredibly sexy ink that I crave to see wrapped up all over their suffering opponent.
Here’s some of my choice pics from the recent crops of new release homoerotic wrestling products, featuring ink that grabs my attention and makes me pull for one hardbodied hottie over the other based in large part on the artistry they embody even before they sculpt their bodies into that most provocative aesthetic form: homoerotic wrestling.
Illustrated Eli: BG East’s Mat Hunks 9
Okay, I love me some Cameron Matthews.  His attitude, his wit, his relatively recently redefined incredibly conditioned physique, that ASS(!!!)… it’s hard not to find myself wanting to identify with the babyface brawler turned muscle daddy for a heel bid.  But fuck!  Eli Black works his magic in my shorts once again in Mat Hunks 9, solidly holding my gaze and making me acknowledge he’s my boy in this match, and I have to think it’s his ever growing collection of tattoos. 
Kevin Crowes’ crows: Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4
A relatively recent release in what I think is Can-Am’s best genre contribution to homoerotic wrestling pits epically long-time favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, Rusty Stevens, against almost painfully beautiful pretty boy, Kevin Crowes in Pro Sex Fight 4.  I have a documented record years-long that proves that there’s almost nobody to compete with Rusty Stevens in delighting, entrancing and infatuating me, starting well before he lays a finger on an opponent.  And Rusty’s got some sweet ink, albeit he could use some touch ups, if you ask me.  But Kevin Crowes’ combination of imminently fuckable classically proportioned beauty along with his bold, massive, gorgeous ink does what perhaps only one man before has been able to do: hold my attention and settle my ass securely and convincingly in the opposite corner from Rusty Stevens.
Paul Hudson’s tatted bicep makes Lon Dumont just a little less pretty.

Lon Dumont’s skin is smooth, clear and entirely absent of foreign pigment.  It’s not the art tatted onto Lon’s body that has propelled him into the top echelons of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but the incredible beauty of his competition physique paired with a smart, vicious persona and high quality pro wrestling execution.  What could make me root against my reigning favorite!?  I think it’s two things, really.  One, there’s something deeply stirring watching a whittled to an anatomy chart physique star go slack over and over in a knock outs match, and (more to the point of this post), his opponent Paul Hudson surprises me by smacking me firmly into the Hudson camp with his bulging trunks and upper arm ink.  Lon’s face slack and smashed into the black band inked across Paul’s right bicep is simply gorgeous.

Illustrated MJ rides Attila’s ass

The 3rd match in Mat Hunks 9 catches me by surprise by how compelled I am by it.  Attila Dynasty (and in particular, his ass) has long been an infatuation of mine.  But MJ Vergara is visually astonishing the moment he walks into the BG East mat room and shoves Attila stumbling ahead of him.  The mohawked muscle man is amazingly built, veins popping, muscles bulging, 25 inch waist (my guess, I haven’t measure him myself… but I’d be very happy to).  His bold, beautiful tattoo stretched across the whole of his left pec and massive deltoid and trapezius muscles is simply beautiful! Attila is such a smart ass, such a cocky, swaggering, proven-dangerous son of a bitch, of course, and there are plenty of matches in which that character is exactly the one I can’t wait to watch work up a head of sadistic steam all over his crushed opponent’s body.  Not this time, however.  Fuck, I’m all on board with compact muscle stud MJ going ape shit all over Attila’s fine, fine ass, and I’m thinking that he’s got me sucked in to identifying with his plans for bully revenge thanks in large part to that gorgeous ink that absolutely swallows up Attila whole.

Beauty and power you just have to touch.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron in BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s bonus are both in the best shape I’ve ever seen either of them, and sporting more ink than I think we’ve ever seen on either phenomenal muscle men.  All of that inked muscle wrapped around each other, squeezing, stretching, and flexing is breathtaking.  Who to root for when both stunning physique stars are in the best condition and most extensive ink ever?  It’s a toss up for me, but I’m not complaining.  There’s no way this can miss!

 Big Sexy’s big, sexy ink on display.

Less surprising is Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy owning my lustful allegiance in Battle Space 45.  If there’s a “total package” in homoerotic wrestling these days (by the way I estimate packages, at least), Big Sexy probably has the best claim.  He’s smart and funny, highly skilled on the mats, handsome as hell, beautifully built, one of the most fuckable asses on the planet, and all of that beautiful artwork!  Both an artist and a work of art, I’m entirely a Big Sexy fanatic when he steps onto the mats with the entirely tattooless muscles of a muscle star, Muscles.

Oiled ink on ridiculously hot Landon Conrad.
Naked Kombat’s newest release makes me gasp.  Even if Landon Conrad didn’t have a few, modest tats  on that insanely hot muscle bod, he’d definitely be my man in his match against amazingly hot, yet somehow unavoidably diminished in comparison, Alex Law.  However, ridiculously handsome muscle hunk Landon does, indeed, have tats that drive home the point that this porn gladiator is suddenly my #1 Naked Kombat kombatant in any match for the foreseeable future.
Specimen illustrates total domination.

Thunder’s Arena has long been the place for the battles of the big men, and Battle Space 46 is a prime example.  Looking for everything like Superman’s alternate universe arch enemy Bizzaro, bad boy and mighty meat head Vinny was never going to be my man after the tiff he dusted up around his “gay taunt” earlier in his Thunder’s career.  But then again, with beautiful, branded beef like Specimen is serving up, it wasn’t like Vinny had a chance anyway.  Beat his ass, make him cry, and give him an up-close examination of every tat, Specimen!

My final tat shout out is for another a BG East newcomer, bad ass Vic Madone.  Vic is a perfect example of the difference between still frame homoerotic wrestling images and homoerotic wrestling in action.  In still frame, this gorgeous stud is GORGEOUS!  I mean, crystal blue eyes to swim in.  A face  that should be hocking ultra-expensive men’s cologne. A lickable body that appears to be the perfect intersection of form and function.  Even with all of those very, very nice tats, I could picture still-frame Vic easily donning a tuxedo and walking a red carpet (and then climbing into a wrestling ring for a rip-n-strip extravaganza).  But when I watched his debut match on Mat Hunks 9, there was nothing “pretty” about Vic.  He mumbles non-stop, and I’d pay money for a translator, because I’m sure that incessant trash talk is sexy as shit.  But Vic is an object of my lust like Michael Imperioli is in the Sopranos.  He’s rough, mean as hell, machismo oozing out of his pours, and absolutely BRUTAL!  Personally, I’m likely to root for anyone going up against Ray Naylor simply because I’m dying to see someone seriously ride that epic ass of his.  But Vic is honestly phenomenal in this match, slowly warming me up from an initial tingling in my crotch to a full-on raging fever over the course of the first 5 minutes.  I pity anyone who faces this hot, inked hunk, but I fully expect that if anyone does, you can count on me standing right behind Vic in anticipation of him doing serious damage.

So ink seems to be adding up to my allegiance lately.  Of course, just because I’m rooting for one wrestler to win doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy being surprised, having my boy bested, watching the power I’m invested and identified with tamed and conquered.  But tattooed muscles wrapping up and locking down an outmatched opponent is a particular brand of hot for me.

Make Me Feel It!

wrestlebard9 Comments
Another fine year has passed for me, and a new one is beginning today.  Birthday’s rock.  Love them, and not just because of the corporal punishment aspect of getting a swat on the ass for each year.  I’m treating myself to a day of doing absolutely nothing, so I’ll make this post brief.  Thanks for the well-wishes and offers to slap down a spank or two (or 42) or even the occasional offer of some birthday headscissors or an OTK backbreaker.  You all are damn sweet, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything… except possibly one of these guys below wailing away at my ass.
My pick last year for Spanker-in-Chief, Kid Karisma, gets his award winning ass tanned by Mike Martin in Sunshine Shooters 5
Missing my wrestling pornboys lately, so I’m back to enjoy watching swoonworthy Vance “The Vice’ Crawford slap down the spoils of victory on a bent-over Cameron Kincade.
Classic tormentor Dino Phillips relishes the sweaty slap of his hand on Peter Bishop’s trapped ass in X-Fights 11

Jeremy Stevens sets up shop all over Jessie Coulter’s muscle ass in Naked Kombat’s recent Muscle Match.

Possibly the sexiest pairing of asses includes Big Sexy smiling down at Cameron Mathews’ angry red ass as he wails away in Rough and Ready 21.

Beating the Odds

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There are varying opinions about mismatched opponents in homoerotic wrestling.  I get the argument that the intoxicating heat of the competitive premise can suffer when there is, or appears to be, little chance of an outmatched wrestler holding his own, much less taking possession of his opponent’s.  Not infrequently, however, I have a sweet tooth for an apparent mismatch, for the tale of the tape that suggests there is no spread big enough to make this worth a bookie’s time.  Just that first glimpse of some plucky hunk staring down (more often up) extremely long odds can grab my attention with both hands.
Brian Baker stares down his nose at goldenboy Austin Cooper 

The long-odds wrestling match jumped front and center in my attention recently when I clicked through to the preview of my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, 5’9″, 170 pound Austin Cooper, trying not to have to strain his neck to look up at the stunningly handsome face of his young rookie opponent, Brian Baker (different one), who towers over him at 6’4″ at weighing in at an athletically lean 205 pounds.  I’m downloading this promise at this very moment, inspired largely by the promise of seeing what Coop can do with the rook’s seriously lovely ass and long, tattooed torso.  The online match description telegraphs (or, rather, painstakingly details) that not only does Coop tame the towering stud, but he humiliates Brian in a two-fall squash despite the 7 inches of height and 35 pounds of weight advantage the rookie comes in with.  Please tell me Coop draws out the schooling just as long as his lovely pupil’s body is!

Drake Wild has his hands full taming massive muscle beast Tyler St. James

In the way the universe does sometimes, I was fresh off of getting all breathless over Coop and Brian Baker when I stumbled across more tantalizing preview pics of Can-Am’s first catch-weight version of a Pro Sex Fight.  Men.com reports that the sweet, hot punk Drake Wild is 5’5″ and 140 pounds, which explains why he looks absolutely dwarfed by Tyler St. James, who Men.com reports is 6’2″ and 240 pounds of insanely thick muscle.  That’s 7 inches and, I kid you not, a reported 100 pound difference, which is instantly translated into a sweaty brow and gasps of lust to see controlling the big man handily.   Fuck, that’s hot!

Gorgeous giant Paladin makes even notorious heel Jonny’s eyes grow wide.

Apparently there’s something in the water these days, because BG East’s latest catalog also boasts one of those inspiring apparent mismatches with the 5’5″ and 160 pound version of Jonny Firestorm, staring up at the chart topping beauty of 6’6″ and 210 pound Paladin in the 3 Stages of Jonny.  The online match description explains that Jonny’s been sent on a mission to cut the 6 and half foot giant down to size, but even Jonny and those magical forearms can’t prevent the man 50 pounds and over a foot taller from taking the first fall.  It’s never a good idea to count out Jonny, or his forearms, prematurely, and yet again another “little guy” beats the odds, and his massive opponent, to a pulp.

Every ounce of Cybertron’s 65 pound weight advantage threatens to break babyface Ronny Pearl in half

And then there’s the case of 5’8″, 185 pound Ronny Pearl, who I mentioned so adoringly yesterday, encountering 6’2″ and 250 pound wrecking ball Cybertron in Ringwars 21.  Compared to the previous 3 mismatches, Ronny’s “only” staring down a half a foot height difference (and, yeah, a 65 pound weight disadvantage).  Nevertheless, Cybertron demonstrates what “odds” are all about, capitalizing on every inch and ounce of superiority to crush the flowing-haired rookie with more brutality than I’ve seen in a match in a long time!

Big Sexy isn’t about to let even two opponent’s kick his fine, fine, FINE ass!

And if we’re counting numbers and assessing odds, Thunders Arena has posted a couple of new matches recently the devolve into 2-on-1 double-teams.  In Rough and Ready 33, peroxide punk Izzy was due to star in one of those totally outmatched features, though how much smaller he is than 6′, 205 pound Big Sexy is a mystery because he’s not listed yet in their roster (which seems ominous for his future).  Regardless, 5’8″, 156 pound Python apparently steps in to help little Izzy out, wrapping those superman arms around Big Sexy’s throat and turning the tide.  However, this is Big Sexy we’re talking about.  Worse for the double-team, it’s Big Sexy bigger, sweatier, and more beautiful than ever, demonstrating that it’ll take a lot more than 2-on-1 for the likes of these boys to ever best the likes of Big Sexy.

Butt-to-butt-to-butt, Tak and Coop work over Braden Charron’s luscious muscles.

On the flip side, you’ve got twink of my dreams, Tak, getting more than he bargained for when he tries to work his twink-dominator magic on the bulging muscles of body beautiful Braden Charron in Rough and Ready 34.  Braden is reportedly only 5’8″ and 155 pounds (really!? with that ass and those pecs, that astonishes me), whereas Tak is 5″10 and about the same weight, but even at the outset this looks like a mismatch for lean fratboy Tak.  When things go decidedly not his way, fellow goldenboy Frey (aka, homoerotic wrestler of the month Austin Cooper) steps in to go butt-to-butt with his buddy Tak in delivering a lick-lippingly sexy double-team dose of humiliation on the bubble-butted beauty Braden.  Braden stared down the odds stacked against him (and on top of him, and all around him) and learned the hard way that they’re “odds” for  a reason.

Coop’s got the towering rookie right where he wants him.

Mismatches, long odds, David and Goliath… sometimes the little guys surprise us.  Sometimes they don’t, and yet still delight us.  However the contrast, the conventional wisdom turned on its head, is very frequently a provocative element in homoerotic wrestling that sorts me out just right.

Homoerotic Wrestling Fiction

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I’ve been catching up on a backlog of scorching hot homoerotic wrestling fiction submitted by a couple of excellent authors for the Sidelineland group.  I’ve been sitting on them a while, unfortunately, due to my diverted attention, but I’ve had time to get a few contributions posted in the past few days, and what a pleasure!

The stars of The Cave 9: Working it Out
Alex has two new chapters up in The Cave series.  If you haven’t read any of The Cave’s 9 chapters, smack yourself in the head and get caught up, because these most recent two matches are barnburners.  The many fans of The Cave know full well, and appreciate, the compelling drama charting the unraveling of the long-time best friendship between Cody and Ryan.  Once invincible sex wrestling stud, Cody, is The Bat to Ryan’s Bane, and big Ryan’s coconspirator, Pete, is more than ready to take Cody’s place as Ryan’s BFF (and sex puppy, and secretary, and life coach, and…).  The Cave 8: Working It Out documents the moment that the supervillainy honeymoon comes to a screeching halt, and Ryan and Pete turn heavyweight pent-up tension into a vicious, ass pounding mat match.

Cody is gorgeously stuck between a rock (Ryan) and a hard place (Ben) in The Cave 9: Three’s Company
Then in Chapter 9: Three’s Company, Alex has pulled together so many strings from the entire Cave series, but particularly chapters 7 and 8, for the sexiest three-way ring match I’ve ever read!  The slow burning grudge and long road to atonement between Cody and Ryan comes to a head with the addition of the incredibly hot catalyst of Cody’s (chapter 7) wrestling conquest/fuck buddy Ben more than holding his own, and indeed holding, squeezing and clawing his way into being an integral component of the high impact, fuck stakes reckoning of the former BFFs.

Big Sexy as Jobberinnyc’s “The Bartender”
The third new story I’ve posted to Sidelineland in the past few days is the sophomore contribution of Jobberinnyc, who’s given us a fantastic erotic wrestling fantasy between the wrestling kinked, 40 year old narrator and an unexpected, full contact, psychologically seductive home invasion of his 20-something hardbodied bartender.  Jobberinnyc told me that the title character was inspired my interview with my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma, and the physical template of aptly named Big Sexy.  Now that’s a mind blowing combination!  And Jobberinnyc absolutely delivers what could easily be considered the manifesto for homoerotic wrestling jobbers everywhere.
The stars of the Producer’s Ring office beatdown Secretarial Pool 8, Nick Youngquest and Andrew Stetson

And one last bonus for you today comes from the pages of my homoerotic wrestling fiction collaborations.  A fan has been lobbying me for a while now to resurrect the career of deposed and humiliated former executive assistant and power hitter in the corporate world of my post-apocalyptic homoerotic wrestling universe, Andrew Stetson.  Andrew was a star in action and behind the scenes of several matches from the Producer’s Ring, and as added incentive to get me back to writing in the Producer’s Ring, and to get my fantasies back on the magic that Canadian model Andrew weaves in my imagination, a generous fan commissioned this graphic from one of Andrew’s most brutal matches.

Artist Guanino’s depiction of Nick Youngquest teaching Andrew Stetson a lesson he’ll never forget
From The Secretarial Pool 8, this is also one of my favorite out-of-the-ring images as well, in which Aussie sexbomb and rugby muscleboy Nick Youngquest locks the door of Andrew’s office to rip ‘n’ strip the upper management hottie and teach him a lesson in failing to exploit Nick’s talents to their fullest.  This match was a collaboration with another collaborator, Swito (still out there, Swito?  Haven’t heard from you in a while), who joined me in letting our imaginations run wild with picturing how homoerotic two hardbodied hunks can get when they’re locked up tight in a corporate office.  I particularly enjoy the creative use of Andrew’s tie, the last remaining item of clothing left to him, by the innovative and sadistic Aussie.  Extremely fine artist Guianino (who you MUST check out his blog and collection of homoerotic art!!!) has captured this moment from the story beautifully!

Indeed, I’m inspired!  I’ve been getting words on the page recently with a couple of Sidelineland projects and a couple of Producer’s Ring matches as well (sign up for access to the full archives if you haven’t already, and send me your works of original fiction to share, too!).  It’s good to be writing again, and it’s even better to enjoy the collective efforts of so many creative artists sharing the joy of homoerotic wrestling.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month6’6

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I wrenched my back a few days ago and have been in constant pain ever since.  I suspect it was a combination of that last spill off of Ben Godfre’s skateboard and my fireman’s carry of the pretty boy up the stairs to tie him to the bed.  I’ve had a ton of things to write about, but I’ve just felt too miserable to bother.  Clearly, I’m not as young and resilient as I used to be/think I am.  The pain is subsiding as I promise myself to get back to my yoga routine once I’m entirely healed, so I’m back to finally get down to business long overdue: naming the first homoerotic wrestler of the month for 2013.  The winner of the title is, of course, the wrestler who appeared in a December release who turned me on more than any other.  Nominees this month are relatively sparse.  No new catalog from BG East.  Rock Hard Wrestling posted two hot matches: Ethan Andrews putting a Bodybuilder Beatdown on luscious muscleboy Brodie Fisher, and Austin Cooper tying lovely muscle punk Josh Steel up in knots as Coop’s Conquest.  I’m still not tracking exactly when Thunder’s Arena releases their matches (if for no one’s sake but mine, I wish they put out release dates!).  However, I believe Big Sexy and Angelo’s match in No Holds Barred 26 was a December release, as was (I think) Bodybuilder Battle 55 with huge Johnny Bravo and mouthwatering Python as well as Mat Wars 33 with Big Sexy putting Python on gorgeous display.  And if they were December releases, then surely No Holds Barred 27 with Dominic and Angelo, Bodybuilder Battle 56 with Johnny back to devour Tak, and Mat Wars 34 with ripped Braden taking on equally ripped Brad Barnes are as well.  Muscle Domination Wrestling, the new kids on the block, posted Morgan Cruise (with facial hair) reworking over big farmboy Tony Law in Sweaty Stud Contortion, and a members-only match with Morgan reasserting his corporal ownership of Damien Rush’s balls in Sexual Domination.  Steel Muscle God and his Britboy wrestling hookup, Connor, qualified with a novelty beatdown on a frighteningly skinny kid who goes by “Slim Studman.”

Top-notch wrestling that tweaks my personal kink was not well represented in the depth of this field in December.  However, there were a couple matches that stood out for me as particularly eye catching, and one wrestler in particular that sold me more satisfyingly than any other this time around.  Better late than never, my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

6′, 205 lbs: aptly named Big Sexy

…Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy.
I had to check 3 times to convince myself that this is the first HWOTM title for Big Sexy, because somehow that just doesn’t seem possible.  He lives up to his name in such a literal way!  How he’s failed to grab hold of the title with both hands before now is a mystery.

In this particularly attention grabbing case, his opponent is a guilty pleasure of mine. Python is such a mouthwatering muscle stud!  Those insane biceps are nothing short of phenomenal, but I have to say it’s Python’s massive muscle glutes that I’m a little obsessed with.  This kid desperately needs to loosen up, but if this were an award for eye candy of the month, this entire post could easily be about bicep boy.  As it is, though, the title is homoerotic wrestler of the month, and in that foot race, gorgeous Big Sexy leaves his “little” opponent in the dust.  But the journey is delightful to watch!

That…. ASS!
The opening camera angle is of Big Sexy, from behind, staring out the window waiting impatiently for the eye candy to arrive.  This is a stroke of directing genius, my friends, because as much as I’d like to sink my fingertips into Python’s luscious ass, I’d like to fall on my knees and worship the astonishingly sexy ass of Big Sexy.  His glutes make me gasp every time I see them.  It’s a sculpted ass of pure muscle.  My guess is that Big Sexy’s genetics, unlike Python’s, don’t afford him a platinum ass by default.  Without having pumped out endless squats, I would guess that Big Sexy’s booty would be flat as a board.  Thankfully, Big Sexy has, obviously, pumped out those endless squats, building muscle fiber by muscle fiber a powerhouse ass to make me desperate to grab him by the hips and plow that moneymaker for a decade.
Personally, I’d settle for googling all over how awesome Big Sexy is.

Python tries to smack talk way, way, way out of his league when he criticizes Big Sexy’s trunks (“Am I wrestling a watermelon!?”) and his body (“Big Sexy?  Little!”).  “I’m also six feet tall,” Big Sexy snaps back.  “What are you?  5’1?… You’re like a midget, man!”  They do some side by side comparisons of their guns, along with some appraising squeezes.  Big Sexy suddenly turns to the camera and pleads, “What are you all doing to me!? I wanted someone to wrestle, not… google all over how awesome I am!  Look at this!  This is Big Sexy!  I’m here… all day.”

“You’d better not be flexing!”

About a third of a second after the wrestling starts, Big Sexy is mounted across Python’s muscled back, slapping him in the back of the head humiliatingly.  In classic Big Sexy fashion, for every one part physical domination, he mixes in a heaping helping of two parts verbal domination.  “I wonder how much your bicep would take before I break it?” he murmurs, locking Python’s veiny python outstretched vulnerably.  Python huffs and puffs like a steam engine, trying to power his way to freedom, while calm, cool, collected mat veteran Big Sexy exerts absolutely no more effort than absolutely necessary to keep the muscle kid compromised.

Big Sexy is a fan pleaser, first and foremost.

With Python’s face smashed into the mat and Big Sexy controlling him handily with a simple half nelson, Big Sexy slides toward the camera and smiles at his fans. “You see, guys,” he says, pointing at his beautiful torso, “I work on these abs for you.  It doesn’t matter what he’s doing over there,” he dismisses the steam engine muscle punk huffing away in a vain attempt at escape.  “Don’t even look over there.  This is it,” he crunches his abs and flexes his left bicep. “This is perfection.”

Big Sexy leaves his muscle punk opponent nowhere to go but down.

There’s a truly gorgeous moment early on when Python launches an offensive, locking up Big Sexy’s left leg and neck in a muscle-encased small package.  With stunning control, Big Sexy rolls the kid over, breaks free his leg, an reverses, not only wrapping Python up in a tit-for-tat musclelocked small package, but then standing up and parading him around upside down and folded in half.  Holy hell, that’s both impressive and incredibly hot!

“Kiss it.  Kiss it!”

As with most Thunder’s matches, there’s a heavy hit of screwing around, friendly bullying in this match.  For example, channeling my older brother from my early childhood, Big Sexy nearly rips Python’s left leg out of his pelvis in a vicious small package, and then forces Python to kiss his own knee… just because he can.  “See, just do what I want!” Big Sexy explains.  “Things’ll go better for you.”

Tragically, I can’t find this perfect move in the video!

This is technically not a squash, I suppose.  At least, Python has some offense and some superhuman strength to hoist his much larger opponent over his shoulders.  There’s a still from Thunder’s Arena of a shot of the Sexy One suffering just a bit in the most appropriate hold ever placed on Big Sexy: a reverse bearhug (though I swear I can’t find this hold in the match itself).  A little more grinding of his crotch into that infinitely fuckable ass and this could easily morph from frat house hijinks into full on, explicitly homoerotic fare.   In a sweet moment of promise for Python, he force feeds Big Sexy a deviled egg as he has the Sexy One’s trapped solidly in a side headlock.

“Not so tough down there, huh, are you?”

But honestly, Python comes across little more than a gym bunny learning that eye candy is not the same as wrestling dominance.  Big Sexy stretches his boy’s muscled body out gorgeously, both toying with the kid and demonstrating his commitment to his fans by showing off his captured prey.  At will, he rolls Python’s shoulders flat on the mat. “Not so tough down there, huh, are you?” he mutters effortlessly as the muscle kid continues to huff and puff in pain.

“Decent,” Big Sexy concedes.

Demonstrating his complete control of the moment, he abruptly calls off the action and explains that he needs to chat with his fans.  With dialogue successful in both welcoming muscle worship and withering the ego of his opponent, Big Sexy flexes his sweat soaked body as he towers over the camera.  “Go ahead, you can show what you think you have.  They might want to see something like that,” Big Sexy sounds doubtful as Python pumps his mountainous right bicep at the camera.  “Everyone’s got a market.  Twinks sell pretty well, you’re doing okay.”  Python, of course, is no twink.  He has more muscle mass in one tricep than a bona fide twink has in his entire body.  But then again, Big Sexy probably has more muscle mass in one quad than Python has in both his legs.  Big Sexy is not easily impressed.  “Decent, I’ll give you that,” he mutters, his praise more damning than outright contempt.

Crushing his opponent alive, Big Sexy shows off that gorgeous ass and gives his fans a wink.

He is unquestionably big and sexy.  His mat wrestling is stunning, even when he’s going easy on a flat footed rook.  He sweats with the best of them.  His trash talking is top tier.  And most enjoyably of all for me, particularly in this match, Big Sexy knows, appreciates, and is out to please his fans, with more than a nod and wink, showing off his own fantasy muscle body as well as displaying his muscle punk opponent’s eye candy deliciously.  I’m sure it’s long overdue, but then again, it’s about time he shaved off that nasty ass beard, finally pulling it together for a performance that solidly convinces me that there’s just no other choice to be made.  Big Sexy is my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month: Big Sexy