Attila Dynasty – Sidelineland

And the Nominees Are…

January 12, 2017 wrestlebard1 Comment

Tonight. Midnight. Submit your votes for the Best of BG East in 2016. I realize that I’m atypical when it comes to how many BG East matches I watch over the year, so this little voter’s guide is intended to help fill in any blanks some of you may have for lack of exposure to some of the nominees. If 2016 teaches us nothing else, it proves that nothing requires us to be educated and informed voters. However, if you prefer to vote based on something other than your cock’s reaction to one still photo, but you don’t have time to see the whole ballot of matches, feel free to consider my opinions for what they’re worth (which is relatively little, but a little more than voting with no basis whatsoever).

Let’s power through the remaining categories to finish off your ballot.

Best Mat Battle

Babyface Brawl 4 – Cameron Matthews vs. Jonah Richards

It’s a little surprising to consider this match “from the vaults” for a 2016 award. Both Jonah and especially Cameron were so young in this match. It’s hard not to superimpose what we know about how Cameron grew up, muscled up, and launched his own production company since this match was taped. I loved this match immensely. It’s rough and raw. The boys clearly hate the fuck out of each other. Lovely, lickable twinks who may look like babies but wrestle like nasty back alley brawlers.

Gazebo Grapplers 18 – Kid Karisma vs. Mason Brooks

It’s a close call for me, but my vote goes to Kid K and Mason. Both of these beautiful boys are perennial favorites of mine, so I had very high hopes for this match going in. They didn’t disappoint, and in fact the intensity is even hotter, the bodies even more beautiful, and the mat wrestling drama even more compelling than I’d expected. It also helps that these hunks so enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s cocky and playful and reads like the hottest foreplay in history.

Undagear 25 – Jake Jenkins vs. Attila Dynasty

Similarly, I’ve never seen a match that includes JJ or Attila that fails to get me off. It’s a match up of an amateur mat champ and a ripped, acrobatic brawler. These are both thoroughbred athletes with massive egos, so the action is brutal and vicious. Not nearly as much erotic heat as Gazebo 18, but magnificent mat wrestling nonetheless.

Wrestler Spotlight 3 Austin Cooper vs. Jake Ryder

The narrative behind Coop and Ryder’s mat tussle is great. Coop’s competitive amateur wrestling days seem so far behind him, since he’s been showing up as Dr. Cooper and dissecting opponents like a heart surgeon (aka, mercilessly) in the ring. So Jake seems to be unaware that Coop kicks ass on the mats as well. Ryder lies and cheats his way into putting the doctor into serious jeopardy, but in a lush mash up of babyface Austin and his Dr. Cooper heel alter ego, this mat battle turns nasty pro.

Undagear 26 – Van Skyler vs. Payton Meadows

I’ve written a small novel about what this match does for me, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. What grabs me by the balls most is how both of these dazzlingly pretty boys show us something completely new. They’re gorgeous. The wrestling is completely ego driven. They’re gorgeous. The dialogue is sensationally sexy. They’re gorgeous. And the all in, vicous submissions are way more intense and work than I expect to see from supremely pretty boys like this. Oh, yeah, and they’re gorgeous.

Undagear 25 – Drake Marcos vs. Ethan Andrews

Speaking intensity born of dislike, Drake and Ethan rip into each other with a passion that can’t quite be described with words. They’re mean to each other. They’re vicious and brutal. It turns sensationally sexy as the gear gets stripped, but not so much because they turn each other on, but because you get the impression that the final victory lap (after the pony ride) could very well be a domineering, taunting, sneering, contemptuous fuck. Buckets of sweat. A couple pints of tears. Lush bodies. This is a very close second choice for me.

Hottest Liplock

We almost certainly all know what we like about liplocks. I like sweat, palpable passion, a tablespoon of aggression, and authentic lust. Here are your options.

Dark Knights 13 – Kayden Keller vs Beauxregard

I’m in an ethical dilemma when it comes to giving you a look at the first nominee for Hottest Liplock. BG East has an embargo on me sharing any of their pics that contain full frontal, and yet the only shots of this liplock include both wrestlers with their full-mast cocks in hand. So I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven for cropping out the bottom of this shot, to stay within the strictly PG requirements I’ve agreed to, despite having to drop the BG East copyright at the bottom of the photo. If this photo suddenly disappears and is replaced by a puppy, you’ll know that I have been asked, and as always I’ve agreed, to a request from the copyright holder to remove the image. All that fine print aside, this is a hot liplock, right?

Wet & Wild 8 – Christian Taylor vs. Calvin Haynes

Sensationally sexy liplock between Christian and Calvin. The authenticity is well-established long ahead of time, as they both telegraph all along that they are turning each other on. If you still doubt it, their rock hard cocks straining the pouches of their trunks should prove the point.

Sexy Showdown 7 – Drake Marcos vs. Nino Leone

My vote goes to Drake’s kiss-‘n’-pin of gorgeous newbie Nino “Babyboy” Leone. It ticks off all of my boxes, including sweat, passion, simmering aggression, and what is quite obviously open lust. This is one of the most brutal matches this year, which makes the incredibly tender ending that much more dizzying. Squarely in the homoerotic sweet spot.

The Great Outdoors 2 – Charlie Evans vs. Blaine Janus

When it comes to quantity, Charlie and Blaine very well may have locked lips the most in their ginger-off in the backyard. I believe Blaine gets the award for popping Charlie’s (kissing) cherry first in his homoerotic wrestling career, but Charlie is quite clearly abundantly skilled in sucking face and using it as a defensive maneuver on the mats. For kissing as chess match move, I give this liplock a close second place on my ballot.

Motel Madness UK: Chris Xaos vs. Mike Martin

I get the impression that I am as big a fan of Chris Xaos as most of the rest of you are of Mike Martin. So between the two of us (you, me), we should be crazy for their scorching hot mat match this year. The liplock is more teasing than passionate, for my tastes. That said, I’d change my vote for a chance to stick my tongue down Chris Xaos’ throat (well, if he’s naked).

Undagear 26: Christian Taylor vs. Jeremy Burk

There’s nothing teasing about Christian and Jeremy’s passion at the end of their hot and rough mat match. This is a full on make out session, and it’s lathered in sweat, and it’s got a half a cup of aggression still playing out, and I fully believe these boys are into each other. Christian is the reigning kissing master at BG East, which may work against him this time around for the potential vote splitting with his liplock on Calvin.

Best Wrestler Spotlight

It seems like a testimony to a wrestler’s marketability to get an entire DVD release devoted to one person. So the three nominees this year for Best Wrestler Spotlight represent some major fan favorites.

Biff follows up with his victory as Debut of the Year last year with multiple nominations across the ballot, including for his Wrestler Spotlight. He’s compelling and gorgeous. I actually think the strength of this collection is in the quality of his opponents, though. You get the impression everyone wants a shot at this ridiculously hot beefcake. This is a very close second place for me.

Has anyone ever starred in 3 Wrestler Spotlight DVDs before? Although this collection tends toward showing off Coop’s work as a gorgeously bashable babyface, his mat match with Jake Ryder gives some awesome flashes of Dr. Cooper hanging out his shingle. The quality of his opponents is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlights, but Coop has emerged as such a fantastic, complex, competitive, multifaceted character, that I’m persuaded (just) to cast my vote for him.

Chace’s spotlight is sort of a retrospective of his career, featuring him as the go-go boy, the beefsteak, and the fitness model that he has been at different phases of his wrestling. His end of the bargain is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlight stars, which is to be expected considering these matches come from such drastically different parts of his career. Still, although there’s nothing to complain about, I enjoyed Coop’s cubed spotlight the best.

Best 2016 Overall Match

Now the free for all starts. I know well that fans are fierce about their favorites, and when comparing apples to oranges, there’s no pretense of objectivity or even a measurable standard to point to. Seven times out of 10, I’m biased toward ring matches. I tend to favor big personalities and hot bodies in equal measure. I like to be surprised. I like to be made to laugh. And it is essential that I get hard. With all those biases in mind, I’ll tell you how I see the field for Best of 2016.

Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans & Taylor

First on the ballot is my pick for the Best Overall Match at BG East in 2016. It’s an instant classic. It’s sexy as hell. Two incredible debuts. Drama, drama, drama. Very high quality pro wrestling. Intramural rivalries. And dick pic selfies. It’s everything I could want in a match (except for a copy of those dick pics).

A very close second place for me is this masterpiece on the mats between Drake and Skrapper. If I’d had the option, I very well might have picked this over Mason and Kid Karisma for the Best Mat Battle, but alas, the nominating committee didn’t see fit to give me the chance. The wrestling is outstanding. The erotic tension is thick and juicy. And the boys are real and beautiful. The only edge TTT19 has on this for me is the full throttle pro ring vibe.

Ring Releases 4: Drake Marcos vs. Kayden Keller

So put Drake in the ring with Kayden Keller, and you might think I’d be unable to resist. I resist, though. It swings hard for a slasher vibe, but doesn’t quite connect. TTT19 and Drake’s work in Matmen 26 hit the bullseye better. And then there’s Drake’s gear to consider (smh).

Demolition 20: Austin Cooper vs. Kirk Donahue

Watching cocky indy pro Kirk Donahue get trampled by a “mere” underground phenom like Dr. Cooper is guaranteed to tickle my funny bone and get me hard. This is a magnificent beatdown and totally worthy of a shot at the title, but it just didn’t get my vote.

That’s right, haters, Drake Marcos anchors a full half of the Best Match nominees this year! I recently referred to 2016 as the year of the rookie, but it may have to be rebranded as the year of Drake. The heat is scorching in his match with Ethan. And I do love seeing bully-Ethan face off against someone who gives it right back to him. But the raw rage and bitterness don’t quite put this match over Drake’s match with Skrapper for me, and neither quite persuade me to tip them over Tag Team Torture 19.

See all my comments above about why I voted for this as Best Mat Battle, and then remind yourself that this does not take place in a wrestling ring. It’s immensely satisfying, funny, fierce and brutal, and it gets extra points in my book for Mason’s perfect (perfect) choice in undergarments. But I’m still throwing my one, lone vote to the fierce foursome in TTT19.

The real winner is you and me, of course. Such a rich, entertaining, arousing body of work from BG East in 2016 is why BG East is the first place I go for that particular mix of homoerotic wrestling that keeps me satisfied. Congratulations to all of the nominees (except for Kirk). You are, every last one of you, gorgeous to watch mix it up in the ring, on the mats, and everywhere else that the Boss’ imagination takes us. Thanks for all of the distractions in 2016 that kept me from the abyss of absolute despair over current events

Getting Stronger, Lasting Longer

October 8, 2014December 19, 2022 wrestlebard7 Comments

I’ve been trying to coordinate schedules with Jayden Mayne for nearly a year now in order to get some time with this young stud for an interview. He’s got leading man good looks, a ripped young body, and a dangerousness about him that made me take notice of him from the very beginning. We finally pulled it together for what I hope will be just the first of many interviews as this ambitious giant-killer advances further in his wrestling career. As you’ll see, Jayden’s got plans.

jayden4 — Jayden Mayne – 5’8″, 147 pounds

Bard: I’m so excited to get the chance to talk with you, Jayden. I have documented proof that I’ve been a big fan of yours from the first time I laid eyes on you in Ringwars 19. What experience did you have when you first showed up wrestling at BG East?

Jayden: I didn’t have very much experience before I started with BGE, other than wrestling my kid brother and friends grown up. I learned a lot from watching TV. It was something I’ve always wanted to do. I feel like a superstar when I step into the ring.

jayden9 — 6’1″, 195 lb Trent Blayze can’t quite believe how far handsome lightweight Jayden pushes him in Ringwars 19.

Bard: You look like a superstar, too, stud! That face, that body, that attitude… you grabbed my attention instantly. Speaking of attitude and being a superstar, what’s it like from the inside being that ripped young stud climbing through the ropes to do battle? Who are you channeling and how would describe the persona you take with you into the ring?

Jayden: I would describe my character as a professional wrestler as being ready anytime to take on whoever dares to step into the ring with me, no matter how big he may be. I think people underestimate the smaller guys in this line of work. I’ve always been portrayed as the “underdog,” but I’ll tell you, I always put up a hell of a fight.

Bard: Damn straight, you do! I love that edginess that you have when you wrestle. I’m stunned that you didn’t have much prior experience because I always read you as seriously dangerous, even going against much bigger guys.

jayden8 — Jayden loves the feel of a flipping big man across the ring!

Jayden: I live for that challenge! There is nothing better than flipping a 220+ pound beast over my head and seeing the look on their face as they fly overhead. I like taking on bigger opponents because I like that challenge. I’m working hard right now to get my weight up and hope to be around 160 pounds in my next bout. Then maybe me and Joe Robbins can meet again, except I’ll be doing the bulldozing!!!

jayden11 — Big Joe Robbins is a giant Jayden couldn’t conquer… yet!

Bard: I’m a little breathless right now just hearing you call out 240 pound Joe Robbins for a rematch. Save me a front seat for that show! I’ve got a major soft spot for a smaller guy who puts major hurt on the big boys. Therefore, clearly, it should come as no surprise that I love watching your matches. So you’ve wrestled in the ring, the BG East gazebo, the backyard. Where do you feel you wrestle best?

Jayden: I feel like the ring best suits my fighting style. I like to throw some punches, as you saw in Gloved Gladiators. The ring allows me to do that and use my quickness and agility to my advantage.

Bard: Another thing I feel like I pick up from your ring persona is that you’re likely to say shit like it really is. So I’m just going to throw this out there and see where it goes: who’s the most annoying opponent you’ve faced so far?

jayden10 — Attila Dynasty was quite a dick.

Jayden: Attila. He talked a big game but seemed like he couldn’t handle the heat when I put the beat to him with the gloves. So he had to resort to a low blow to gain the edge on me.

Bard: See, that’s what I mean! I just knew you’d wouldn’t be one of these wrestlers who tries to avoid saying the honest shit about opponents. And I love that you mention that match with Attila. You owned that acrobatic son of a bitch when it was a boxing match. I thought you were going to knock him out before the gloves came off, despite knowing full well that this is BG East wrestling we’re talking about. But then holy crap, he exploits the low blows and rides you relentlessly. What a dick. And I mean that both literally and figuratively. Is there anybody you’ve met at BG East who you’d call out for being all talk?

Jayden: Jake Jenkins was a big talker, but I wrapped that boy up! (laughing)

Bard: Hell yes you did! I did not see that coming either. And knowing now that you had very little wrestling background makes that match that much more astonishing, since Jake is constantly billing himself as the total package, high school state wrestling champ, MMA fighter, fitness model, etc. etc.. The look of shock on his face getting owned by you is priceless! Who have you met at BG East who seems like someone you could hang out with, go drinking with and enjoy?

Jayden: I would like to party with Jonny Firestorm. He’s been in the game a while and seems “real” to me. I’d definitely toss a few cold ones down with Jonny.

Bard: Solid choice, I think. Jonny seems like he has a lot of friends who speak highly of him. My mind keeps going back to your Catchweight match against gargantuan Joe Robbins. When you’re walking into a match so overwhelmingly the underdog, when you know you’re very likely to take a major league beating, what keeps you focused? What do you do to face down the odds and the fear?

jayden3 — Jayden just gets stronger and lasts longer when he gets bulldozed by the big boys.

Jayden: I have taken a few beatings, yes, but each one makes me stronger and last longer. I was not raised as a “pansy” or a quitter. It makes me train even harder. Soon, I will be a force to reckon with! Mark my words!!

Bard: My money is on you! What does it mean to you to be a wrestler, to be someone fans rally around and want to see more of?

Jayden: Wrestling keeps me in shape and allows me to experience something that people all over the globe only dream about! I’m very fortunate to have as many fans as I do. I’m hoping to expand in the next year, and maybe offer some private matches or specialty videos. Is there anything Jayden Mayne fans would like to see? Ideas?

Bard: I’m always, at all times, full of ideas for seeing hot studs like you wrestling! I’ll start cataloging my Jayden Mayne fantasy match ideas for you now, and perhaps we’ll see some more inspiration from other fans who know you’re open to suggestions. You mentioned that wrestling keeps you in shape. I for one, love the shape you’re in. Is there a particular body part that you’re most proud of?

Jayden: I’m not proud of any certain body part, because Jayden Mayne is the total package! Do any of my fans disagree?!

Bard: I’m going to go out on a limb and say, no, there are no Jayden Mayne fans who would dare quibble with the truth that you possess an incredibly hot look, head-to-toe, including lots of great parts right in the middle. I’m fascinated to see what you look like with an additional 10 to 15 pounds of muscle on you, once you reach that goal you mentioned. Is there anything else you’d like to tell (or ask) fans who look forward to more wrestling from you?

Jayden: I’d like to thank all of my fans, and I plan on coming back stronger than ever. Hopefully expanding my career, doing some work for some other companies or venues as opportunities arise. I’m always open to suggestions. In fact, I’m looking forward to hearing what the fans would like to see from me next!

jayden6 — Bodybuilder Darius learned the hard way not to underestimate the giant-killer Jayden Mayne.

Bard: Awesome attitude that will do nothing but earn you more fans, Jayden! And I’d just like to add that I’m just a little infatuated with your role as giant-killer, so I hope we see more of you shocking and awing the big boys who overlook an “underdog” like you. Just ask Darius or J.J. what’s at stake in not taking Jayden Mayne seriously enough! Keep us updated on what’s cooking in your world, and if you get some inspiration from fans about new career moves or custom matches, I hope you’ll feed all of our imaginations by letting us know about it. Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with me, Jayden. I’ve got nothing but respect and high hopes for where wrestling takes you next.

jayden7 — Open for suggestions, Jayden Mayne is just getting bigger, better, and hotter by the moment!

Friday Fashion

November 29, 2013 wrestlebard3 Comments

fashiondynasty5 — Attila Dynasty wore it best!

It was a relatively close contest between Attila Dynasty and Lou Terassi with regard to who you thought wore those pastel pink undies best. Polls here at neverland are frequently blow outs, but Attila took the popular vote with about 60%. Now let’s see Lou and Attila in the ring in a finish-to-start match, with the boys starting out naked and wrestling to see who gets to walk out of the ring room wearing the aforementioned gear. Who’s with me?!

fashiondynasty7 — Attila Dynasty’s trunks always have to work overtime.

Today’s Friday Fashion poll is a rare cross-production contest. N2N has been making eye catching undergear that’s been a favorite choice at Can-Am. However, a few of the BG East boys have sported N2N gear as well. Take, for example, These biker shorts from N2N. Blue, orange, and muscle sucking sexiness all over, they look like they’re painted on Rusty Stevens. But damn it all, if they don’t look like they’re painted on and aching to get ripped off UK motel battler Darren Madison, as well! It’s another veteran heel going head-to-head with a achingly fresh faced rookie. I think they both wear the fuck out of these trunks, but who do you think wore it best? You know the drill: check out your options and then vote below.

fashionrusty — Rusty Stevens squared off in these N2N biker shorts against Aryx Quinn in Can-Am’s **Arena 2**.

fashiondarren2 — Darren Madison squeezed so many gorgeous bulges inside the very same biker shorts in BG East’s Motel Madness UK: New Breed?

Friday Fashion

November 22, 2013November 21, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

fashioncartier — Denny Cartier wore it best.

Yowza! 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month Denny Cartier spanked Brad Foster’s ass in the last Friday Fashion poll! with over 81% of the vote, Denny obliterated 1-hit wonder Brad as the one who wore trunks best. I’ve long been infatuated with Denny, so you don’t have to convince me, mind you.

Today you’ve got what I think will be a tougher Friday Fashion choice to make. Two extremely tasty hunks wore the same pair of pink briefs with brown trim, and both boys rocked the look hard. Attila Dynasty or Lou Terassi. Who wore it best? Check out the nominees and then vote below.

fashiondynasty — Attila Dynasty rocked the powder pink hard in **Mat Hunks 9.**

fashionterassi — Lou Terassi grabbed a ton of attention wearing the same pair of trunks out in **Undagear 15**. But did he wear it best?

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

October 4, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

Let me wipe the sweat off my brow (not to mention any other bodily fluids) and return to my senses. I’m sure I’ll spend a whole lot more time sucking out the marrow from the mouthwatering delicacies BG East has presented in their centennial catalog, but I’ve got serious business to do, now that I’ve pushed pause. I feel the need to elevate from among possibly the most competitive field I’ve ever seen one wrestler to crown as my pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month. Occasionally, newbies to neverland demonstrate that they don’t know what I’m talking about when I laud a new HWOTM, so let me just review the concept for you who have just tuned in:

Each month, I take a look at the new releases from homoerotic wrestling producers the month prior. My usual suspects are BG East, Can-Am, Muscle Domination Wrestling, Naked Kombat, Rock Hard Wrestling, and Thunder’s Arena, and every so often an “independent producer” makes a play for serious contention (e.g., Steel Muscle God, or the rare foray into the genre by mainstream porn producers). The criteria are simple and straightforward. The wrestler I name must have appeared in a new release during the prior month, and he must be the one hunk who stands out for having turned me on the hardest. Sometimes readers read more into it than that, but that is, genuinely the scope.

Savoring the new releases that were produced in September by the above masters of wrestling-for-gay-eyes, my task was simply brutal. There are months when I actually give the title a pass because I just don’t think the field was of high enough quality, but September 2013 posed precisely the opposite problem. Way, way too much goodness streaming down, nearly drowning me as I try to keep my head above water and put everyone else but one standout wrestler into the category of also-rans. There were serious contenders from every producer on my go-to list, but in the end, I went with my gut and stuck to the premise, choosing the wrestler that turned me on hardest…

…Brad Rochelle. Again, particularly for those of you new to neverland, be warned that I bulldoze right through spoiler material without a passing thought for anyone wanting to remain in suspense about details of most of the matches I talk about. So if you don’t want to know particulars about the climactic chapter in the Contract series, turn away now. Because I’ve got shit I’ve simply got to say!

First of all, Contract 10 is an awesome testimony to the masterful ensemble that has been responsible for BG East catalogs 1-100. There’s no denying that, as with every Contract DVD, Brad is “the star.” However, the climactic chapter pulls in boys in front of and behind the camera, newbies, paradigmatic veterans, cameramen, and not to be overlooked (for fear of getting my ass kicked), The Boss himself, Kid Leopard. As I’m often chided when I do the HWOTM, the quality of Contract 10 is entirely owed to everyone who is a part of it, not only Brad. But because everyone who is a part of it knows what the fuck they’re doing, they push Brad Rochelle with grace and conviction, and Brad is nothing if not ready to ride that wave and absolutely shine as the rudder to this ship.

contract2 — Two muscled studs aren’t anywhere close to enough to conquer the veteran babyface Brad Rochelle!

Let me give you just a little premise to provide context. Brad’s reign of terror as the jobber-turned-heel has come to an abrupt end, now that KL has cottoned on to exactly what the legendary babyface Brad has been up to when The Boss’ back has been turned. Brad is bagged and tagged by the back office boys, dragged before KL quite literally sitting on his throne, and once again offered an escape clause to his soul-crushing small print servitude to his contract. If he can beat a wrestler of The Boss’ choosing, he can walk away a free man. If not, and I kid you not, he’s “fucked.” Yeah, that got my attention, too. Just as an aside, as The Boss is saying this, Kid Vicious is excitedly rubbing his crotch through his jeans. Yep, me too.

contract3 — Brutalized babyfaces stacked like firewood.

The Boss’ right-hand man, Jonny Firestorm, takes it upon himself to toss Brad’s fine, fine ass into the ring against gorgeous baby face beauties Chace LaChance and Attila Dynasty (whose massive package, which does not quite remain contained, deserves a contract of it’s own). Yes, Brad, both of them, Jonny explains. Jonny scoffs at Brad’s incredulity, pointing out a living legend like Brad should have no problem manhandling a couple of prettyboys. Now, Brad’s faced 2-on-1 beatings before in the Contract, and though it’s never been easy, he has (post-heel-turn) come out on top. Chace and Attila are gorgeous, acrobatic, awesome competitors, but though they crash like waves into the living legend, Brad beats the living shit out of them both, one at a time. The boys are humiliated, and Brad is a fucking fantastic bully every step of the way. He taunts and torments them. He teases and reviles them. This is incredibly hot wrestling domination, brought to a sudden and screeching halt when Jonny abruptly knocks Brad out cold with the video camera and tells the babyface wonder-twins that “the fix is on!” As Jonny leaves to show hit footage to The Boss, Chace and Attila go to town on the dazed man who has defined homoerotic wrestling suffering for a generation of us. One long 2-on-1 session brings Brad to the edge of endurance. They rip and pry and crush him. And with pathos dripping from the screen like sweet honey, the babyface hero battles back from exhaustion and rips victory from the jaws of defeat.

contract4 — Jeremy Tyler absolutely crushes Brad!

When Jonny returns to find Brad post-victory, he pounds the living legend in the face with his video camera so hard that the equipment breaks into pieces! Brad is OUT, waking only to find himself staring way, way up at pornboy wrestling muscle monster BG East newcomer, Jeremy Tyler, in the BG East matroom. I’m not sure if Brad’s nursing a concussion, but he probably is, based on his complete defenselessness against Jeremy’s pounding, grinding, ominously slow onslaught. I’m dying to see the original footage to this match, because the camera fades in and out, I’m guessing capturing Brad’s own slippery hold on consciousness as he’s dismantled, demoralized, and finally forced to flex in complete submission. “Flex for me!” Jeremy snarls in his rumbling bass voice, ripping the shoulder straps of Brad’s singlet down and showing that his muscles are decisively bigger than the “legend’s.”

contract9 — The Boss grabs hold and gets ready to deliver on his promise to make sure Brad is truly fucked.

Brad comes too, once again back in the BG East ring, now cuffed into the ropes and at the mercy (like, when wasn’t he?) of Kid Leopard. There are lines that have not been crossed with Brad, as far as I can recollect. If someone is going to cross lines, however, it’s going to be The Boss. Brad is viciously controlled by a full throttle ball claw. He’s battered and beaten by the master himself, heel-in-chief, the man who defined “homoerotic wrestling heel” even more prototypically than Brad defined “homoerotic wrestling jobber.” The Boss squeezes those luscious melons of Brad’s glutes. He yanks, hard, on Brad’s trunks to deliver one of the most mouthwatering and anticipated wedgies in history.

contract8 — They call him The Boss for a reason!

The Boss suspends Brad like a trophy elk across the top turnbuckle, choking him with his belt in one hand and crushing Brad’s testicles with abandon in the other hand. Brad screams. Brad chokes. Brad coughs in that way that he has, communicating with ever inch of his body and breath that he’s on the edge of panic and annihilation. And though I’ve mentioned it before, I just need to say again, his wedgied ass is a work of art!

KL kicks the babyface carcass out of the ring and looks ready to put him out and make Brad pay-up on those terms he “negotiated” earlier, when shockingly, the babyface turns the tables. Slipping on a face-smothering kiss-of-death, he catches The Boss by surprise. That’s right, babyface Brad latches on Kid Leopard’s own signature hold, outmuscling the Man. Jonny Firestorm walks into the ring room and is shocked to see KL nearly out cold, desperately waving Jonny over to intervene. “Just walk away,” Brad snarls darkly at The Boss’ intimidated henchman. Jonny wavers, second guesses, but the fierce look on Brad’s face (and possibly Brad’s glorious physique flexed and clutching his prey like a boa), convince Jonny to obey… Brad!

contract6 — Where no wrestler’s lips have gone before…

The carnage is fucking epic! Brad quite literally and, no shit, honest to god in fact, nearly drowns Kid Leopard, first in his own bidet, and then in his own toilet. The living legend has had so much more than enough. He brutalizes the heel-in-chief like I’ve certainly never seen before, finally “forcing” Kid Leopard to kiss his beautiful ass (oh, please, Br’er Fox, don’t throw me into the briar patch), and finally, climactically, flexing and threatening him from behind, makes The Boss sign the “release clause” in the bane of his life for the past 8 years: the Contract.

brad10 — Brad Rochelle – HWOTM and career finale in Catalog 100?!

This entire DVD is a work of art. You know how much I love a well-told narrative, and the boys at BG East have pulled out all the stops to deliver a compelling, shocking, climactic story of revenge, retribution, reckoning, and, perhaps, redemption. Like I said, there are no unessential elements in this production, so naming Brad HWOTM is not to imply he got there on his own. However, he more than carries through on his part of the bargain, selling both wrestling domination, soul-wrenching suffering, and a rageful, righteous reckoning that ties together every sordid chapter in the Contract series. The finale of Brad’s Contract is a perfect bookend to its beginning. And based on that finale, I have to question whether I’ll ever have another chance to name Brad Rochelle HWOTM, considering he is literally soaking in the sun on the beach and laughing to himself about what KL must have in store for Jonny “Firefly” after his second-in-command walked away and left him to the babyface’s retribution. All of my anticipation of Brad’s return, I’m certain, contributes to the undeniable fact that his work in Contract 10 turns me on unbelievably hard, even harder than several other matches released in September that would, in any other month, have been shoo-ins for victory. So all hail the return of the living legend, and let me be first in line to offer to follow in The Boss’ footsteps and plant my lips on Brad’s beautiful ass. Because Brad Rochelle is neverland’s reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!

The Second Coming!

September 27, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

Or is that the third coming!? Whatever the fuck you want to call it, the earth just shook a little underneath my feet, because I just landed on the BG East website and saw the huge reveal celebrating BGE’s release of their 100th catalog: Brad Rochelle is back!

I’d heard told this prophecy over 2 years ago when I made my humble pilgrimage to BG East Headquarters. Kid Leopard and several of the boys assured me that Brad was returning to the homoerotic wrestling universe and that all hell was breaking loose in response. I even was granted some epic preview pics from, what turns out to be, The Contract 10: The Reckoning, that I dutifully shared with the saints and apostles of homoerotic wrestling here at neverland. And still, over the past 2 years, I’ve been questioned, interrogated even, as to the veracity of my gospel account that Brad would one day return. Doubters and nay-sayers questioned my integrity. My devout belief in the promise handed down to me at times left me a little cold and lonely, as other homoerotic wrestling fans rolled their eyes and encouraged me to abandon all hope. It’s not really going to happen. They’re just stringing us Brad-fans along. You’ve been duped.

Well, suck it you apostates! Brad Rochelle is back in Contract 10, appearing in the ring, on the mats, in the back offices, in the hallways… fuck, the guy apparently takes the action into the bathrooms of the BG East compound! First up, it appears that Brad’s trip to hell includes facing two dangerous hunks at once in the BGE ring: Attila Dynasty and Chace LaChance. This isn’t the first 2-on-1 Brad’s faced down, and he’s been precisely the hunk with the skills and strength to come out on top in the past. But does he take two of the finest young asses in the BG East stable today?

When I posted the potentially apocryphal photos I’d been handed from on high a couple of years ago, I misidentified Brad’s mat opponent as a shaggy-headed Denny Cartier. I was corrected, and Contract 10 provides abundant proof that Brad gets put through the ringer by none other than Naked Kombat alum, hunky stud Jeremy Tyler. The match description on the website makes it seem pretty clear that gorgeous Jeremy absolutely crushes Brad in his second-coming tracks, and the pics make me lose my shit all over again with what appears to be a forced-to-flex scenario with Brad’s head hanging down on hits chest in defeat, his arms outstretched like a homoerotic wrestling Jesus on the cross.

brad2 — The Boss takes matters into his own hands.

Holy shit, match 3 looks insane. Brad opponent? The Boss himself, Kid Leopard. Are you kidding me!?! The prototypical sadist heel extraordinaire and the hunky babyface who battled way, way back from jobberhood to give his turn on the heel wheel himself!? The Boss’ return to full-on ring action would be worthy of trumpet fanfare itself, but his return to take matters (i.e., Brad’s balls) into his own hands is nothing short of seismic! I can’t make heads or tails of what happens, because the website is milking the suspense with further sadistic mastery (like what Brad fan needed more coaxing to put in their order for this one!?). But what I see in the previews is intensely exciting, including Brad’s mouthwatering ass exposed, slapped, and, what’s this, kissed!?! There have not been many who managed to take Brad by his bull balls, but holy shit, it certainly looks like The Boss can add that to his trophy case, as well. Again I say, this looks like absolute insanity in worthy proportion to the epic historical moments that Contract 10 documents!

brad5 — Still bringing fans to their knees!

Finally, to those particular doubting Thomases who not only questioned my integrity in passing along the promise of Brad’s second-coming, but argued that Brad was probably bloated and completely out of shape at this point, again I just have to say: suck it! Fuck me, please! Brad does to me in these previews exactly what he’s done to me every moment of his career that I’ve enjoyed over and over again. He’s hot, hard, and handsome as ever, aged beautifully, and lickable from head to toe. There are lots of reasons there’s long been a feverish cadre of Brad-fanatics obsessively worshipping on their knees for every single minute of every match of his career. Just one of the reasons is that he was, and remains, a gorgeous hunk of man! Welcome back, Brad. Some of us have been faithfully waiting for you!

Freshly Inked

June 21, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

I think it’s been a while since I mused over my infatuation with tattooed wrestlers. It’s true that my own ink likely biases me toward my appreciation of illustrated hunks, but then again, my appreciation of illustrated hunks definitely influenced my own body art choices. Not everyone looks good inked. Definitely not all ink looks good, as far as I’m concerned. But there are many tattooed wrestlers who instantly own my allegiance when the step onto the mat or into the ring, in large part because they’ve got incredibly sexy ink that I crave to see wrapped up all over their suffering opponent.

Here’s some of my choice pics from the recent crops of new release homoerotic wrestling products, featuring ink that grabs my attention and makes me pull for one hardbodied hottie over the other based in large part on the artistry they embody even before they sculpt their bodies into that most provocative aesthetic form: homoerotic wrestling.

Illustrated Eli: BG East’s Mat Hunks 9

Okay, I love me some Cameron Matthews. His attitude, his wit, his relatively recently redefined incredibly conditioned physique, that ASS(!!!)… it’s hard not to find myself wanting to identify with the babyface brawler turned muscle daddy for a heel bid. But fuck! Eli Black works his magic in my shorts once again in Mat Hunks 9, solidly holding my gaze and making me acknowledge he’s my boy in this match, and I have to think it’s his ever growing collection of tattoos.

Kevin Crowes’ crows: Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4

A relatively recent release in what I think is Can-Am’s best genre contribution to homoerotic wrestling pits epically long-time favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, Rusty Stevens, against almost painfully beautiful pretty boy, Kevin Crowes in Pro Sex Fight 4. I have a documented record years-long that proves that there’s almost nobody to compete with Rusty Stevens in delighting, entrancing and infatuating me, starting well before he lays a finger on an opponent. And Rusty’s got some sweet ink, albeit he could use some touch ups, if you ask me. But Kevin Crowes’ combination of imminently fuckable classically proportioned beauty along with his bold, massive, gorgeous ink does what perhaps only one man before has been able to do: hold my attention and settle my ass securely and convincingly in the opposite corner from Rusty Stevens.

Paul Hudson’s tatted bicep makes Lon Dumont just a little less pretty.

Lon Dumont’s skin is smooth, clear and entirely absent of foreign pigment. It’s not the art tatted onto Lon’s body that has propelled him into the top echelons of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but the incredible beauty of his competition physique paired with a smart, vicious persona and high quality pro wrestling execution. What could make me root against my reigning favorite!? I think it’s two things, really. One, there’s something deeply stirring watching a whittled to an anatomy chart physique star go slack over and over in a knock outs match, and (more to the point of this post), his opponent Paul Hudson surprises me by smacking me firmly into the Hudson camp with his bulging trunks and upper arm ink. Lon’s face slack and smashed into the black band inked across Paul’s right bicep is simply gorgeous.

Illustrated MJ rides Attila’s ass

The 3rd match in Mat Hunks 9 catches me by surprise by how compelled I am by it. Attila Dynasty (and in particular, his ass) has long been an infatuation of mine. But MJ Vergara is visually astonishing the moment he walks into the BG East mat room and shoves Attila stumbling ahead of him. The mohawked muscle man is amazingly built, veins popping, muscles bulging, 25 inch waist (my guess, I haven’t measure him myself… but I’d be very happy to). His bold, beautiful tattoo stretched across the whole of his left pec and massive deltoid and trapezius muscles is simply beautiful! Attila is such a smart ass, such a cocky, swaggering, proven-dangerous son of a bitch, of course, and there are plenty of matches in which that character is exactly the one I can’t wait to watch work up a head of sadistic steam all over his crushed opponent’s body. Not this time, however. Fuck, I’m all on board with compact muscle stud MJ going ape shit all over Attila’s fine, fine ass, and I’m thinking that he’s got me sucked in to identifying with his plans for bully revenge thanks in large part to that gorgeous ink that absolutely swallows up Attila whole.

Beauty and power you just have to touch.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron in BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s bonus are both in the best shape I’ve ever seen either of them, and sporting more ink than I think we’ve ever seen on either phenomenal muscle men. All of that inked muscle wrapped around each other, squeezing, stretching, and flexing is breathtaking. Who to root for when both stunning physique stars are in the best condition and most extensive ink ever? It’s a toss up for me, but I’m not complaining. There’s no way this can miss!

Big Sexy’s big, sexy ink on display.

Less surprising is Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy owning my lustful allegiance in Battle Space 45. If there’s a “total package” in homoerotic wrestling these days (by the way I estimate packages, at least), Big Sexy probably has the best claim. He’s smart and funny, highly skilled on the mats, handsome as hell, beautifully built, one of the most fuckable asses on the planet, and all of that beautiful artwork! Both an artist and a work of art, I’m entirely a Big Sexy fanatic when he steps onto the mats with the entirely tattooless muscles of a muscle star, Muscles.

Oiled ink on ridiculously hot Landon Conrad.

Naked Kombat’s newest release makes me gasp. Even if Landon Conrad didn’t have a few, modest tats on that insanely hot muscle bod, he’d definitely be my man in his match against amazingly hot, yet somehow unavoidably diminished in comparison, Alex Law. However, ridiculously handsome muscle hunk Landon does, indeed, have tats that drive home the point that this porn gladiator is suddenly my #1 Naked Kombat kombatant in any match for the foreseeable future.

Specimen illustrates total domination.

Thunder’s Arena has long been the place for the battles of the big men, and Battle Space 46 is a prime example. Looking for everything like Superman’s alternate universe arch enemy Bizzaro, bad boy and mighty meat head Vinny was never going to be my man after the tiff he dusted up around his “gay taunt” earlier in his Thunder’s career. But then again, with beautiful, branded beef like Specimen is serving up, it wasn’t like Vinny had a chance anyway. Beat his ass, make him cry, and give him an up-close examination of every tat, Specimen!

My final tat shout out is for another a BG East newcomer, bad ass Vic Madone. Vic is a perfect example of the difference between still frame homoerotic wrestling images and homoerotic wrestling in action. In still frame, this gorgeous stud is GORGEOUS! I mean, crystal blue eyes to swim in. A face that should be hocking ultra-expensive men’s cologne. A lickable body that appears to be the perfect intersection of form and function. Even with all of those very, very nice tats, I could picture still-frame Vic easily donning a tuxedo and walking a red carpet (and then climbing into a wrestling ring for a rip-n-strip extravaganza). But when I watched his debut match on Mat Hunks 9, there was nothing “pretty” about Vic. He mumbles non-stop, and I’d pay money for a translator, because I’m sure that incessant trash talk is sexy as shit. But Vic is an object of my lust like Michael Imperioli is in the Sopranos. He’s rough, mean as hell, machismo oozing out of his pours, and absolutely BRUTAL! Personally, I’m likely to root for anyone going up against Ray Naylor simply because I’m dying to see someone seriously ride that epic ass of his. But Vic is honestly phenomenal in this match, slowly warming me up from an initial tingling in my crotch to a full-on raging fever over the course of the first 5 minutes. I pity anyone who faces this hot, inked hunk, but I fully expect that if anyone does, you can count on me standing right behind Vic in anticipation of him doing serious damage.

So ink seems to be adding up to my allegiance lately. Of course, just because I’m rooting for one wrestler to win doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy being surprised, having my boy bested, watching the power I’m invested and identified with tamed and conquered. But tattooed muscles wrapping up and locking down an outmatched opponent is a particular brand of hot for me.

Primus

February 24, 2012December 19, 2022 wrestlebard4 Comments

When Eli Black powered into the title of my homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his appearance last month for Rock Hard Wrestling, followed quickly by his debut match release for BG East, I decided to see if I could track him down for a follow-up interview to his barnburner verbal fencing match (or brawl) with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island. Despite his stated reluctance to grant me this interview, Eli actually seemed pretty open to the idea from the start, and let’s face it, Eli Black loves to talk about Eli Black! Since everything was going my way for this little project, I decided to press my luck and approach the boys at BG East to see if they had any cutting room floor shots of Eli’s match with Morgan Cruise. To my shocked delight, in what I think might be a first ever pre-release of shots from as yet unseen BG East matches, Kid Leopard himself sent me some exclusive, never before published photos of Eli in three yet to be released bouts, with permission to share them here! I get the impression that BG East is thrilled to have this ferociously ambitious tiger by the tail. He kept me on my toes during this interview. He makes some extremely bold predictions for his future success in homoerotic wrestling. And combined with seeing the punishment he can dish out and take, my conversation with Eli has made me that much more infatuated with this fierce, rock hard, seriously dangerous hottie!

———-

Eli Black – ripped, roaring and ready to conquer the world!

Bard: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Eli. I read your interview with Joe over at his blog Ringside at Skull Island and I was feeling a little intimidated. Your conversation with Joe seemed to get a little testy. Are you and he still on speaking terms?

Eli: I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to take this interview, but as far as speaking terms, you’ll see if he ever writes anything bad on me again.

Bard: Well, I’m that much more grateful that you did take this interview! I just watched your debut match with BG East against big bruiser Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, Eli! Your body is ripped to shreds! What’s the secret of staying at that level of conditioning?

Eli competes in MMA as well as as his sights
set on RHW and BGE!

Eli: Ugh!! Morgan Cruise, the hamasta pussy. Let me just say first of all that whole match was bull shit! Cheap shots left and right. I can’t wait till I see him again. Oh my God I… hate!!!… losing!!!! He’s got it coming. But I work hard on my body, with various circuit work outs from speed to power to stimulate my muscle, to be primed and ready to take beatings in case I end up taking a b.s. beating like this match was. My recovery that way is rapid and gets me back in the ring ready for more, unlike the rest of the out of shape pussies who are cheap pieces of shit.

Bard: Well your fitness is incredible, and the work you’re doing in the gym is phenomenal to see in the ring! So speaking of your match with Morgan, it certainly looks to me like you’re toying with the big kid in the opening moments. He’s flat-footed, slow, and I get the impression that you could put him on his back in a split second. With your MMA background, do you find it hard not to open up a can of full-contact whoop-ass in the world of pro wrestling?

Eli: [laughing] Yeah, I definitely can’t help myself but go. Whether I’m toying with someone or in a grudge match, I’m really good at finding a weakness in my opponents. And in Morgan’s case I could kick and strike him all day long, but once he speared me, he caught me way off guard, which was unusual for me. But I’m more than positive when it’s me and him again, he’s done! But yeah, I definitely toyed with him in the beginning. I mean there’s no one out there with my skills, so why be scared?

The Mastodon drives Eli into the
corner

Bard: I have no trouble believing that for an instant! I’ve noticed that Morgan has been calling himself “The Mastodon” in his bid to be the next big, bad heel at BG East. Other than him being hairy and, compared with you, slow, I’m not really sure his nickname really says a lot about him. Now that you’ve seen him up close, what nickname would you pick for him?

Eli: Like I said earlier, “masta pussy!” Even so, I wouldn’t even say that he’s huge! He’s not insanely strong. He’s nothing special. I am just gonna say “No Name,” because I don’t have time to waste on giving that cheap ass a nickname. Next time I see his ugly ass, I’ll make sure to cover his face up with his own underwear, with a sign on his back sayin, “Eli Black: I don’t want that!,” because of how horribly I’m going to destroy him! Other than that, his nickname is just plain stupid, and if I were his reflection in the mirror I’d laugh in his face!

Bard: I know a whole army of your fans who would line up to see you do all of that! What’s a good nickname that your fans should call you?

Eli: Hmmm, I like to think I “shutt” down my opponents, so it’s only fair to say Eli “the Shutdown” Black. What ya think about that? Amazing? Yeah, I know. I can be known as that too!

Bard: Both options sound excellent to me! So Eli “the Shutdown” Black, I hope you don’t mind if I ask another question about your body, because it’s quite a favorite topic of mine lately. With a body as amazing as yours, I can imagine it might be hard to decide, but what part of your body are you proudest of?

Eli: Hmmm, well in my other interview I did have a similar question, and since then, other than me getting even tighter and harder than before, it’s still an out of the park easy answer: my picture perfected 8-pack (sculpted by the gods themselves), and my ass that will make anyone stop and double-take more than once. And once again, I give it all to God for giving me this cement block for me to be sculpted the way I am.

Bard: Your 8-pack and your ass top my list of favorite parts of your body as well! I’m also a big fan of body art, so I love your tats. The colorful tat down your ribcage quickly caught my eye. It looks fierce, but I can’t make out what it says. Any special significance to that or any of your other tats?

Number one, the highest ranking, aka the best

Eli: Well, the one on my ribs says “primus,” meaning number one, or the highest ranking, aka the best. The one on my thigh is the outline of the best wrestling state in the world, PA. And the one behind my arm says faith, but if you look closer you’ll see behind it in red is a Chinese reading of the saying “blood, sweat, and tears,” representing what I do and believe in. And on my back, you have my Pitt panther.

Bard: Awesome art, and very cool to see how each piece speaks to your passions and strengths. I think “Primus” could easily be another excellent nickname for you. So when I mentioned to Kid Leopard at BG East that you’d agreed to do this interview, he graciously sent me some exclusive, advanced preview pics of a few matches that you’ve wrestled for BG East that have yet to be released. First, let me say that you look incredible in every shot! Second, I’m immediately drawn to the evidence that BG East gave you a second shot at evening the score with Jake Jenkins after he defeated you over at RHW. What was it like facing Jake for the second time?

In a cage, in the ring, on the mat… Eli “Primus” Black is a triple threat!

Eli: Hmm, I guess Primus would be a good one. You can take credit for that and start it for me, why don’t ya? And yeah, Kid Lep is probably one of the only straight forward wrestlers I’ve met so far. But yes, for all my fans, I got another crack at Jake, and when I say it was once again a match of the year, I left no room for disappointment. You’ll all be out your seats when you see how I do this time around! You ask anyone at BG. I fought everyone to get that rematch with li’l Jake. He tried to get out of the rematch, but like I said, only if you’re lucky! And I mean if you’re lucky enough to beat me, you’ll regret it, because I will get you again, and when you see this match when it’s released you’ll see what I do the 2nd time around.

Down to jocks, Eli is determined to exact revenge
all over Jake’s hot muscled body.

Bard: Cannot wait! The shots Kid Leopard sent look like you’re on the mats, and you start in singlets, but at some point you’re both down to jock straps. Good God, man, that’s a hot set-up!

That ass will command a double-take any day!

Eli: Yeah, he was scared to step in the ring with me again, so I said, “Hey, you have a wrestling back ground like me (just not as successful [laughing]), so let’s get on the mats. While we’re out there, I guess he thought he had a better body than me, and decided to take his singlet down, and I instantly complied by pulling mine down. I’ll wrestle naked, just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in the Greek times.

Eli’s got the noose tightening around Jake’s neck!

Bard: Pure gold, Primus! And it’s further evidence of what you’ve said about your divinely blessed ass! I cannot wait for that release! I also see that you faced off against a couple of the up-and-coming resident pretty boys of BG East. Attila Dynasty has been squeezing the will to fight out of his opponents between those surprisingly devastating legs of his. Any lasting memories of Attila that you have?

Eli’s got something in mind if Attila ever tries this again!

Eli has Attila all tied up.

Eli: Honestly that whole match is a blur, but if that little pussy Attila ever tries to put my face remotely close to his ass again, I will shove my elbow deep in it next time. Then I’ll jump in the middle of one of his matches and beat the shit out them both, and then shove whoever else was in the ring’s hand up his ass!!!!!

Bard: Personally, I’d love to see some serious shit get thrown down at BG East! First, I’ll send you $10 for elbowing Attila up the ass, and second, I’ll send you another $10 for interfering with his next match to fuck him up some more! Damn, I doubt BG East has any idea quite yet just how high you’re ready to climb!

Eli: I will say that BG East is definitely a whole different world of pro wrestling. Full of cheap ass cheaters and pussies who can only win by taking the easy way out with dirty tricks. Rock Hard is a little more straightforward, less low blows and dirty shit, and they actually like to battle it out to be a true champion. But I’m not going to make excuses. I will overcome it all and be the champ for all wrestling, and I will go in the history books as the best, because I am the best! I train the best. I will beat the best, and I will show every one how to be the best, and what it takes to be…. Eli……… Black!!!

Bard: Hot damn, Eli! You’ve got me convinced and bursting with anticipation of seeing your master plan play out! Your take on the differences between RHW and BGE is fascinating. I think I remember from your interview with Joe that you didn’t have a very high estimation of the scene at Rock Hard, either. Both venues have dealt you some hard knocks, but it sounds like you see the need for different strategies to accomplish your goal of conquering them both.

Eli: Yeah, Rock Hard has a bunch of two-faced snobs, but they’re not as dirty as the BG East pussies are. But yes, I will conquer it all, and I’m going to drag every one of my opponents behind me with a noose tied around their necks!

Pretty Chace LaChance does some
chiropractic work on Eli

Bard: Well, no one can say that they weren’t warned about you! I noticed there’s a shot of you wrestling Chace LaChance. I think Chace is probably the most ridiculously pretty wrestler you’ve faced. He’s talked some trash about being a boxer, but I just can’t believe a pretty face like his has ever seriously boxed. Please tell me that you left him significantly less pretty after your ring match!

Eli: No comment on him, but he was nothing that would make me think he ever boxed! Threw a punch at a pillow!!! And I would say he’s not gonna be so pretty on your scale when you see him after this match, regardless of the outcome.

Bard: I’ll take that as a promise, and again, I can’t wait to see that match! So despite having faced a whole lot of guys who did not impress you, if you had to pick one of your former opponents as a tag team partner, who would you pick?

Eli: As much as I hate to say it (and you need to understand I HATE it!), it would have to be Jake Jenkins, only because we both are similar in the way we make shit look good. We both do the work, and he’d be the only one I’d give any type of credit to.

Bard: I can’t say enthusiastically enough how I can certainly see how you and Jake make shit look good! I also have to think that the two of you would be a buzz saw through the unlucky ranks of RHW or BG East. So, you’ve been generous with squeezing this interview in, and I really appreciate it. Before I let you go, I’m wondering if you can talk a bit about what it’s like for you to have a growing group of seriously loyal fans who are tearing up the discussion boards singing your praises. You’ve made a huge impression on a lot of us fans in a pretty short time on the scene!

Eli Black makes shit look good!

Eli: I will say, and this will be the nicest thing you’ll ever here me say, that I love my fans. Believe it or not, as long as you like hardcore matches with great footage and moves and me doing what I do, I will always perform! Don’t doubt it. Keep talking me up. It makes me just wanna push harder!!!! And I have no limits!!!

Bard: That’s a challenge that I and a whole bunch of Eli “Primus” Black fans will be happy to accept! Win, lose or draw, there are a bunch of us crazy for more, and I suspect once we see that jockstrap match with Jake, you’re going to be getting more buzz than you can imagine! We’ll be happy to keep doing our part, as long as you’re keeping up your hot work and working that gorgeous ass of yours! Thanks so much for your time, and I hope we can talk again as you keep tearing up the wrestling scene!

Eli: Thank you. It was a better time than the last one. Just look forward to seeing me push harder and harder! I will never let you down.

Bard: Awesome!

The Return of the King

January 10, 2012July 1, 2013 wrestlebard8 Comments

Young, rookie Brad Rochelle pumped and ready for business

Kid Leopard promised me this summer when I visited the BG East compound that we haven’t seen the last of legendary BG East babyface, Brad Rochelle. Like so many other homoerotic wrestling fans, I was thrilled by this news. The instant I saw Brad as the cover boy on the front page of the BG East website about 13 years ago or so I was sold. Such a handsome face; such a gorgeous, hard body! Just that one cover image of Brad made him an instant star of countless homoerotic wrestling fantasies. So when I actually got my hands on my first glimpse of him working all those mouth-watering muscles in the ring, he was already cemented as a homoerotic wrestling fantasy man. Watching his matches over the following years has never disappointed me. His body, like his wrestling persona, matured, which as far as I’m concerned is only good news. After a few early career victories, he was stuck deeply in the rut of jobberdom as The Boss bound his hands behind his back to be everyone’s practice dummy in The Contract series. The endless humiliation and vicious abuse of his body and spirit finally made the babyface break, and all those nasty dirty tricks and vile exploitation he’d suffered over the years came back to haunt newbie babyface after newbie babyface. About 3 years ago BG East released a tag team match that they found in their archives from Brad’s earlier work, but the last we saw of the Brad storyline was his 2006 appearance in his signature series, The Contract, enlisting a reluctant Jonny Firestorm to join him in teaching Patrick Donovan and Steven Thomas a lesson they won’t soon forget.

Then Brad seemingly disappeared. His fan group has continued to pine away, but as the years ticked by with no sight of him, even the most diehard Brad fanatics began to despair. The Boss dropped hints in the BG East fan group from time to time, assuring everyone that Brad was still around and would someday see the light of day again, but after 5 years, longing mentions of Brad on the boards tend to spark sneering slap downs from commenters who’ve grown convinced that he’s officially retired. My report of The Boss’ promise that we’d see Brad again notwithstanding, the ranks of believers have grown thin lately. And then, like a vision from beyond the veil, The Boss posted 6 picture proofs that Brad’s days in the ring and on the mats are undeniably not over!

Brad Rochelle, still wrestling and filling out his trunks exceedingly well!

Counting myself among the Brad fanatics of this world, I had a delightful exchange with Kid Leopard this past weekend that resulted in The Boss granting me the opportunity post a few more exclusive, as-yet unseen photos from Brad’s return. These pics seen here, along with the pics from the fan groups, assure me that my erotic dreams will once again be haunted by fresh images of Brad Rochelle inspiration. Prior to this, fans have debated what time might have done to this fantasyman. While not identical to his rookie body of 13 years ago (who is!?), I’m thrilled to see that he’s stayed in shape and, if anything, is filling out his awesomely tight trunks possibly better than ever. That ass!

Brad cracks Chace LaChance across his knee.

For years, the legions of hopefuls have been speculating about who Brad ought to meet in his momentous return. More exclusive pics show further detail of Brad’s impending appearance against some of the prettiest babyfaces to arrive on the scene since last we saw Brad. Go-go boy bombshell Chace LaChance has never looked better than stretched vulnerably across Brad’s leg in a luscious over-the-knee backbreaker!

Attila Dynasty winces (and bulges) in the grasp of the veteran.

Acrobatic prettyboy Attila Dynasty gets the same treatment. Brad looks to me like he’s carving up a Thanksgiving turkey with Attila’s astonishing package bulging temptingly in Brad’s face. Both Chace and Attila are at that crucial early career pivot point. They’ve both lost humiliatingly. They’ve both most recently chalked up some very entertaining victories. Not unlike an early career Brad, they look primed to either become forces to be reckoned with in the BG East stable, or to join the ranks of epic jobbers, of which perhaps no one is more epic than Brad himself. Brad appears to have returned to tip the scales toward jobberdom for pretty Chace and Attila!

Babyface teamwork comes back to bite Brad in the butt.

Chace and Attila, on the other hand, appear none too eager to roll over submissively and let the icon put them in their place. The lovely young bucks clearly don’t go easy on the legend. Opponents have been torturing Brad’s beautiful back for more than a decade, and Chace and Attila look determined to bend the veteran hunk past the point of no return and cut short his much anticipated return before it really starts.

Brad is living large and in charge, flexing overtop of 2 defeated prettyboys.

I can’t attest to the sequence of the photos, but whether earlier or later in the confrontation, at some point Brad has bested both beautiful boys and stacked them like firewood on top of one another in the middle of the ring as he flexes overtop of them. Perhaps Brad proves, once again, that he’s worth more than two babyface rookies who might have visions of filling his shoes as the resident BG East babyface heart throb?

Brad’s 1-finger salute to the doubters and haters

The time away has done nothing to make Brad’s body less tantalizing, nor his attitude less contemptuous. The Boss sent me this pic of Brad flipping a middle finger to all the doubters and haters out there who tried to rewrite history with him as anything short of the headliner muscle jock that made countless fans weak at the knees. The wrestling singlet is doing wonders for me here. Those are eye-catching bulges (the biceps, the shoulders, the pecs, the crotch…)!

Is that a floppy-haired Denny Cartier schooling veteran Brad in mat wrestling!?

Brad’s opponent on the mat appears to me to be another welcome return to BG East, namely former homoerotic wrestler of the month and babyface star of many wrestling fantasies of mine, Denny Cartier. If it is Denny, he’s let his hair grow out, which we know is indeed a sexy, curly mop. He’s also sporting hot, hairy legs that look like they could snap Brad’s spine in half, so yep, I think it’s Denny! Brad’s got a ton of experience to draw from, but facing Denny in his bread-and-butter setting on the BG East mats seems to me like a formula for Brad to discover that even though fans may be falling over themselves to celebrate his return, there’s some merciless competition at BG East that would probably like nothing more than to send Brad back to the ranks of eternal jobbers. Come to think of it, there are probably a whole lot of those eager fans who’d like that, as well!

Cameraman Jonny Firestorm appears to make his presence known
during Brad’s much-lauded return to the ring (this photo also posted
at BG East Yahoo Group)

So what have we learned, my friends? We’ve learned that beautiful Brad Rochelle, indeed, has made a return to face some of the prettiest new faces in the ring and most dangerous mat wrestlers that BG East has to offer. We’ve also learned that Brad continues to be smokin’ hot, gorgeous as hell, and while some of his famous muscles may be a little smaller, I swear to God his ass and crotch have grown and grown finer with age. I can only imagine the story lines that take Brad on a journey into the ring with Chace LaChance, Attila Dynasty and Jonny Firestorm, and onto the mat with dangerous Denny Cartier. But another thing that we know: it isn’t just my imagination. This is no Elvis sighting. Brad is back, and I can’t wait (though it seems I’ll have to) to get to see Brad work his magic on the boys that have come along since.

Thanks Kid Leopard, for the tantalizing pics and for setting our hearts pumping in anticipation! And welcome back, Brad!

Working Difference

November 7, 2011July 1, 2013 wrestlebard3 Comments

I’ve got deadlines coming out of all of my orifices (yes, it’s as unpleasant as it sounds). But I want to muse just a bit over a recent reflection. I was just this morning marveling once again at the wonders of BG East’s recent release, The Science of Scissors. The two wrestlers on this two-match DVD that grab, shake, and drain me dry the most are match #1’s Attila Dynasty and match #2’s Jimmy Gee. As I contemplated the juxtaposition of these two wrestlers, it suddenly occurred to me that as different as these two wrestlers are on many counts, regarding both of them, I’m most enthralled with their gorgeous asses.

NOTHING at all wrong with Jimmy or Rio Garza from the front, either!

Yes, yes, another post about asses. I’ve been fixated on hot wrestling asses for a long time now, I realize. I don’t self-judge such things; I just enjoy my lusts as they move me. In this case, however, I’m fascinated that these two very different wrestlers move me in much the same way, despite sporting distinctly different body types, including very, very different types of asses.

Attila is gorgeous from every angle.

I know I’m not alone in my growing fascination with BG East discovery, Attila Dynasty. I’ve heard from a number of readers craving more of this sweet, acrobatic, fiercely competitive, tightly packed stud puppy. I’ve marveled before, at least a couple of times, at being astonished and provoked by the sight of Attila’s hefty package that he’s sporting throughout his squeeze fest with Trent Blayze. But as I re-watch this match (repeatedly and adoringly), it’s Attila’s ass that’s grabbing me (now that’s an image I’m going to have to sit back and linger on for a while).

I’m incredibly jealous of Trent’s view!

It’s a tight, hard, athletic ass. Attila’s is an ass that belongs to flexible, endurance athletes. It’s all muscle, but that muscle is sculpted in perfect proportion to the extremely lean, taut, no-wasted-mass body that makes Attila such a sight from head to toe. His glutes are round and a perfect handful (at least for me), but they aren’t expansive or excessively massive. Attila is simply beautifully proportioned, and with that acrobatic training he clearly has, my mind wanders helplessly to a whole menu of contortions and physical feats of dexterity that such a supple, hard, rigorously trained physique could bring to some post-match sex (not that Attila has appeared to be overtly aiming for an erotic top off to one of his inspiring matches… yet….).

Kaboom. There I go again…

In some ways, the contrast between Attila’s ass and Jimmy Gee’s makes me check myself. Jimmy’s glutes are a study in the art of building a body huge from obsessive, superhuman heavy weight training. The word “proportional” doesn’t come to mind as I stare in awe at Jimmy’s ass, though that’s not because he’s somehow disproportionate in any way. It’s just that globes so fucking huge, ripped and powerful as his are clearly not the end result of someone searching for anything as subtle as “proportional” aesthetics. Once Rio Garza, bless his soul, peels Jimmy’s lime green square cuts off to reveal the banana hammock underneath, I suddenly cannot, through any voluntary force of will, tear my eyes away from Jimmy’s rocking, awesome, awe-inspiring muscle ass.

Rio’s got to admit that his suffering is so worth the view!

The headscissors that Jimmy applies to Rio make my heart skip a beat. The standing scissors in which he slowly shuffles across the mats, dragging a gasping, dizzy Rio with him as he crushes Rio’s head between those gargantuan thighs, has made me lose my load more than once at precisely the moment that the cameraman FINALLY circles behind for a clear look at Jimmy’s flexing glutes. When I’m able to keep watching past that point (usually only because I start again watching farther into the match), the sight of Jimmy’s next standing headscissors in which he has Rio bent backward with his face being crushed like a grape, his nose shoved high up between those ponderous hamstrings a mere fraction of an inch away from Jimmy’s granite, hard, gorgeous glutes makes me helpless to resist still another explosive reaction. Seriously, I only know how this match ends because I finally fast-forwarded through to the final moments out of curiosity. Otherwise, Jimmy’s flexing muscle ass crushing Rio’s head would never let me manage to get to the end.

As if with a mind of their own, my hands reach out to grab a couple of handfuls.

So both Attila and Jimmy have asses inspiring my homoerotic wrestling fantasies and tweaking my wrestling kink very, very hard. As different as they are, their fantastic asses similarly hold my lustful gaze like a vice. Two very different body types drill down to the same spot at the core of my wrestling lust, and Attila’s taut, round, athletic glutes do to me almost exactly the same (fucking awesome!) thing that Jimmy’s powerhouse, superhuman, lived-at-the-squat-rack-for-months rock hard, angular, massive muscle ass does. For some reason, this juxtaposition thrills me and speaks to me about what turns me on quite apart from some Platonic Form of my pro-typical not-quite imagined ideal of the perfectly perfect homoerotic wrestler.

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