Summertime and the Livin’ Is Easy

Like fresh picked berries and crotch watching at the beach, BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s releases have become a seasonal treat for me.  I’m a little dizzy from the initial overdose I just subjected myself to, scoping out the preview pics that are part of catalog 99.1, just released.

Boyfriend jobbers Skip and Christian make me think it’s not all bad getting crushed by Morgan Cruise.

Making my eyes water the hardest are the initial shots of Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown, featuring the combo I’ve been bitching and moaning in anticipation of for years.  Skip Vance and his  real life boyfriend (and former HWOTM) Christian Taylor climb into the ring together for a 2-on-1 battle against heel-risen Morgan Cruise.  Holy shit, this looks insanely hot.  This looks like it’s heading in all the right directions, and I’m a little breathless in anticipation.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are RIPPED! 

Speaking of breathless, shocking me just a little are the preview pics of the “Bonus Match” (for ordering all of the Summer Sizzlers) featuring Braden Charron and Chace LaChance both appearing to have physically peaked for the season at precisely the same moment that they climbed into the ring together.  I may have seen Braden this ripped… possibly, but holy hell, I have never seen Chace as put together as this. Fuck. Me. Please.

Who’s Got Whom? Eli Black or Cameron Matthews? 

Mat Hunks 9 is a stand-alone compilation that delivers a pretty perfect 8-pack selection of thirst-quenching hunks such as I’m not sure I’ve seen all on one DVD before.  3-time HWOTM Eli Black looks like he’s got his hands full with former HWOTM Cameron Matthews.  This is a fascinating pairing, I think, and Cameron’s showmanship combined with Eli’s intensity seems like a formula for either disaster or perfection.  I’m voting for perfection.

Rafe Sanchez takes the ride of MY life!

And speaking of perfection, former HWOTM and former and long-running overall favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine, Mitch Colby, snaps those tanned, rock hard thighs around the smooth, sexy head of long, long running infatuation of mine (though never a HWOTM), Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmmmm… Rafe).  These two have appeared in some of the over the top sexiest wrestling I’ve ever enjoyed, so combined, I’m feeling dehydrated just thinking about it.  And I’m not even going to mention the perfection of asses featured in the other two matches on Mat Hunks 9… yet.

Hot, hard muscles turned to jelly.
I will mention that my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy) Lon Dumont is also out in a new product, Knock Outs 2 , appearing back in the day when his head was smoother than Rafe Sanchez’.  The match promises both Lon and his opponent, veteran pro Paul Hudson, get sleepered repeatedly, and the image of lovely, powerful Lon so vulnerable, out cold, is giving me hot flashes!
Mr. Joshua had better watch his back (I’ll keep an eye on his front for him)

Finally, Ring Hunks 1 (how is this only the first of that title!?) throws former overall favorite homoerotic wrestler Mr. Joshua’s massive package headlong into the dangerous machinations of former HWOTM and recent interviewee here, Aryx Quinn.  If anyone can unleash the beast, surely it’s diabolical Aryx!   Right?!  Please!?

Another who’s got whom from Summer Sizzlers: Wrestle Shack 17… my money is on Dylon Robert’s thighs.

So these releases technically fall in the month of May, but there’s no way I can assess them in time for tomorrow’s crowning of a new HWOTM, so they’re officially delayed to join the June releases.  In the mean time, pass me a protein drink.  I’m going in….

Best of…

The best of BG East in 2012 poll results have been posted.  Joe’s also posted a summary of the winners,  implying that he and the popular vote may have parted ways at several points.  Same for me, I think.  Honestly, I can’t remember who I voted for in several categories, despite the fact that I voted just a few days ago.  It’s probably the remnants of my anti-inflammatory and pain meds working their way out of my system.

Sexiest  Match: StripStakes 3 – Morgan Cruise vs Damien Rush
I do like numbers though, and I’m happy to see a few more data points available than just who won. For example, Morgan Cruise’s rip ‘n strip ‘n force to cum rookie welcome of Damien Rush in StripStakes 3 scored the trophy for sexiest match in 2012, but check the stats.  The match I voted for, Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod’s insanely sexy 2-on-1 destruction of achingly adorably Stinger in Masked Mayhem 9 was just 1 percentage point behind.  I think the heat of this competition deserves seeing Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod tag team once again, this time against Morgan and Damien!
Best Mat Battle: Matie Rookies Eli Black v Jake Jenkins

I was with the herd in selecting best mat battle.  Jake Jenkins and Eli Black’s Mat Rookie confrontation is a match I think will stand the test of time.  And it was 20 percentage points ahead of 2nd place!  When we do a best of the best vote for the next decade anniversary or 100th catalog of BGE, I think Jake and Eli could contend for the title against a broader field.

Best Ring Match: Babyface Brawls 2 Austin Cooper v Cameron Matthews
I can’t remember for certain, but I think my vote for best ring match went with runner-ups Jonny Firestorm and Jake Jenkins in Jobberpalooza 12: The Works, rather than category winners Cameron Matthews and Austin Cooper for Babyface Brawl 2.  I wouldn’t argue with that outcome at all, really, even though just 5 percentage points separated 1st and 2nd place.  I thought that was a very competitive category with several very worthy contenders.

Top Babyface: Jake Jenkins
For best babyface, I think I again went with the herd in picking winner Jake Jenkins who pulled it out by 6 percentage points over Austin Cooper.  There are extremely fierce fans in both of these boys’ camps, so I’m not surprised they rose to the top.  I’m sort of pleased that of the two, Jake topped Coop.

Top Heel: Jonny Firestorm

Honestly, I just can’t remember who I voted for top heel, but it could have been winner Jonny Firestorm who beat out equally likely candidate I may have voted for, Kid Karisma, by 11 points.  Since there was no category for most mindblowing forearms (next year, people!), I’m glad Jonny tucked this one under his belt.

Best Squash: Jopperpalooza 12: The Works Jonny Firestorm v Jake Jenkins
Best squash was not close at all, but I sided with the 17% of decisively swung for Kid Karisma’s gorgeous, sexy beatdown on Skip Vance in Mat Mayhem 23 rather than category winner Jonny Firestorm and Jake Jenkins for Jobberpalooza 12: The Works.  I’m glad The Works got a shout out somewhere in the poll results, though.  And the writing was on the wall, really, with Jake voted top babyface and Jonny voted top heel!

Jobber of the Year: Rio Garza
Jobber of the year went to fan favorite Rio Garza by 9 percentage points over my pick, Skip Vance.  Rio’s got an extremely loyal and not infrequently aggressive (to the point of rude) fan base that makes this result unsurprising to me.  For my tastes, however, Skip is much more a classic jobber and entertaining sell.  Rio’s awfully entertaining to watch job, too, though.

Debut of the Year: Eli Black
Again, I think was with the herd in picking Eli as the best debut of 2012 by 12 points over Damien, though this could easily have gone a different direction and I’d have been entirely on board.  It feels like Eli’s been at BG East for years and years, which suggests to me why this was, as Eli would be happy to tell you, his year!

Best Spotlight Release: Wrestler Spotlight: Austin Cooper
Best spotlight release feature was an 11 point spread between Eli and category winner Austin Cooper.  While this doesn’t surprise me, and if I were a betting man I’d have put money down and made money back on this outcome, I placed my vote for last place winner Denny Cartier because his Leopard’s Lair 4 anchor position was fucking AWESOME, and essentially 4 barnburner and brutal bouts for the price of 2.  I love, love, love me some Denny Cartier and one of my fondest wishes for 2013 is to see him tap into a nasty streak and headline a new category for next year’s voting: best heel turn!

Best Abs: Eli Black
Best abs was a surprisingly (to me) narrow victory of 2 points by Eli over Jake.  What makes for “best” when it comes to bodies and their parts is, obviously, subjective, however my vote went for Lon Dumont by a mile and a half.  At the risk of pissing off Eli, I just have to say Eli’s phenomenal 8-pack seems to me to be about 60% conditioning and 40% mass, whereas Lon’s anatomy chart abdominals (the whole pacakge: serratus, obliques, abdomini) are a more aesthetically balanced and all around stunning beauty.  I don’t begrudge Eli’s victory at all, mind you, but I just shake my head and contemplate my vast distance from the herd when I see that Lon placed last.  For me and my tastes, I think this calls for a Lon v Eli gut bash in 2013.

Best Bulge: Mr. Joshua Goodman
I was, however, right in the middle of the pack in voting for best bulge winner (by 4 points) Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), who slapped down his junk to power hit past Gabriel Ross’ anaconda.  There wasn’t one candidate in this field that couldn’t easily own the title, and I’d go so far as to say that this year was a bumber crop of mountainous packages. Now the task for 2013 is for one of those club boys that he likes to take home and challenge to wrestle for the chance to put Mr. J on his knees, to literally shock the pants off of Mr. J and finally, finally, finally unleash the beast within.  I guarantee I’ll buy three copies of that release!

Best Butt: Kid Karisma
Best butt was a horse race between category winner Kid Karisma and 2nd place finisher (by a nose) Cameron Matthews.  While we can’t go wrong with any of the contenders for this title, I’m happy to admit I voted for and was campaign chairman for Kid K’s glorious glutes to grab this title.  Again, I say, the ferocity of this competition clearly warrants a Kid K v Cameron rip ‘n strip ring battle to be decided by who makes whom kiss his ass. I’ll pay a premium for a front row seat to that one!

Best Body: Rio Garza
Best body again revealed the distance between me and the herd, with Rio Garza taking the title by 4 points over 2nd place Austin Cooper.  Arguably, this could be the most subjective of all of these wildly subjective categories, because what bodies turn us on follow such divergent tastes in bodies among wrestling fans.  If this were strictly about physical conditioning and muscle mass, the 2 bodybuilders at the bottom of the heap, Magnus and my choice Lon Dumont, could have easily vied for the top spots.  Again, this line of reasoning makes my loins ache to see Magnus and Lon in a head-to-head catchweight ring match of bodybuilding beauties.  However, 21% of fans preferred the body of beautifully proportioned, lickably smooth Rio, which I get, despite my tastes drawing me strongly elsewhere.

Hottest Liplock: X-Fights 34 Gabriel Ross and Drake Marcos
The final category placed me back among the masses in selecting the blazingly hot X-Fights 34 match between Drake Marcos and Gabriel Ross, obliterating the competition with 54% of the vote!  Truth be told, I could easily be tempted to swing for the incredibly sexy and, yes, I’ll say it, wrestling romantic liplock that Enforcer slapped on Maskador in Masked Mayhem 10 as the ripped hunk hung battered and helpless in a tree of woe, halfway to being entirely unmasked.  I admit it: I’ve also gotten off to that scene from Spiderman where Tobey Maguire hangs upside down, his masked half pulled off, as his co-star sucks hero face.  Gorgeous fantasy!  But holy hell, the heat generated by Drake and Gabriel could heat Reykjavik for year!
What a year!  BG East pieced together an incredible collection of outstanding homoerotic wrestling, and all of the nominees and the entire catalog of 2012 releases deserves all this and much more credit.  Nicely done, gentlemen! 

And I quote, "Masks are for losers!"

Briefly known as York
I don’t often bother with “spoiler alerts,” but for what it’s worth, here’s one for you.  I’m about to identify one of the masked-unmasked wrestlers in BG East’s latest release in the Masked Mayhem series.  Should you be terribly heartbroken to learn the name of the wrestler appearing as “Yorik” in the first match on this DVD, turn away now. But a word to the wise, if you actually buy the DVD, you’ll know who this hot and hairy stud is within seconds. Still turned off by the idea of knowing the secret identity of Yorik? Click here now.
Silver Eagle hangs hot and sweaty Yorik out to dry like the laundry!

Before I venture into my thoughts about the pseudonymous Yorik, let me take a moment to appreciate his masked opponent, Silver Eagle.  Wowza! Sweet, juicy ass.  Seriously packed package. Big, strong, and deceptively fresh on the scene.  I like this guy. Quite a bit.  His opening salvo on “Yorik” is fucking hot and powerful.  Normally I throw up just a little in the back of my mouth when I see a wrestler decked out so blatantly appealing to patriotic fervor, but when this bubble-butted hero slaps Yorik dismissively in the face and kicks him when he’s down, I have to admit, I’m turned on.  I’ll pull out my superhero/military man fantasies for him if Silver Eagle is down with getting nasty, mean, and engaging in totally unnecessary roughness and hot domination!

Patriotism is knocked on its ass!

I swear I’m convinced the out-of-nowhere flag-draped rookie is going to be the star of this show, absolutely having his way with the hairy badboy in black.  But that big, blue package of his is just such a target!  Swing that thing too often in a heel’s face and he’ll knock the air right out of your lungs with a punch where it hurts the most.  And that’s just what happens to Silver Eagle.  And even more astonishing, his opponent schoolboy pins the patriot and then peels of his own mask, revealing that he’s none other than tidal wave rising heel, Morgan Cruise!

Too handsome and terrifying to put a mask on it!

There’s so much that veers off the track in this Masked Mayhem match that it leaves me dizzy.  First and foremost is the fact that Morgan unmasks himself within minutes of the match starting, and from that point forward beats the living shit out of his formerly unstoppable red, white, and blue boy opponent.  The masked wrestler gimmick (said lovingly) is iconically exactly the opposite of that.  The wrestler is somehow superhumanly powerful cloaked in anonymity.  He’s darker, more mysterious.  His depths are untested and unknown behind his disguise, and so his threat is magnified.  Its when a wrestler is unmasked that he reverts to his mere mortal shell again.  Unmasked, his inexhaustible strength evaporates.  His forced exposure humiliates him, and he’s left at the mercy of the man who remains a mystery behind his mask still securely laced about his head.

Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Morgan turns that meme on it’s head, growing three times stronger and infinitely more terrifying unmasked than he was as “Yorik.”  The heroic big hero Silver Eagle doesn’t know what the hell hit him as the minutes tick by, as Morgan kicks that gorgeous, metallic blue ass of his from a dozen different angles.

Morgan writes his own script across the bashed body of Silver Eagle

The match itself flies in the face of an icon of professional wrestling: the power of the masked wrestler. Morgan rewrites the book with his dripping, hot bod hammering all over Silver Eagle like there’s nothing but a rookie in way over his head under that shiny fabric laced to his face.

Morgan displays the rookie’s best side!

The reversal of the fixtures of masked wrestling is astonishing, captivating, and somehow that much more dangerous and suspenseful.  But Morgan Cruise fans will not be surprised when I report that the cruise-missile heel rising cannot stop his mouth from running.  And I swear to you, what comes out of his mouth makes me think that the foundations of BG East are seriously shaking at this very moment. Morgan explains that he hates masks.  He boasts that his reputation is twice as terrifying as any mask.  He’ll never wear a mask (again, presumably), because 1) he’s too handsome, and 2) people know and fear his face, so why would he want to cover that up!?  But then Morgan goes one step farther, one more step that made me gasp.  “Masks are for losers!” he snarls.

Morgan makes the masked man “the loser”

Holy fuck, did I just hear that right!?  We already knew that Morgan Cruise has got balls, but really!? He comes onto the Masked Mayhem series, a storied and highly popular genre, and disrespects the entire format?!  This is just match #1 on this DVD, mind you, so this is the first act to two more rip-roaring masked mayhem battles starring no fewer than three former homoerotic wrestlers of the month around these parts.  I’m desperately aching to know what any one of the other masked wrestlers on this DVD have to say in response to the coldly calculating call-out of the likes of Cage Thunder and The Enforcer!

To quote Big Bird after the Presidential Debate: Shit just got real!

There’s no mistaking that Morgan is a planner.  I don’t believe for a second that this was some off the cuff nastiness that he’ll walk back like a Republican Presidential candidate who’s just won the primary race.  Has Morgan Cruise just stepped over the line?  Is he out of control!? Or even more provocatively, is there a seasoned veteran who’s going to put the heel pup on his back, or is Morgan Cruise writing the rules now?  Wow.  Just… wow!

Evoking Eli

I always feel a little intimidated when I hear from Eli Black, which, frankly, is how I assume he likes it. He’s equal parts over-the-top ego, stunningly hot physique, and seriously devastating wrestler.  He’s a force of nature, I think, and resisting him is a little like shaking your fist at a hurricane.  So when Eli says that if anyone deserves an a-to-z montage of the wonders of his wrestling range, it’s him… well, who am I to argue?  I’ve still got more “Making Jake…” lined up, but in honor of Eli Black reminding us that not only does he read homoerotic wrestling blogs, but he desires, nay, demands the loyalty of his gay fans, I’m more than happy to inaugurate a new series all about the a-b-c’s of Eli Black.  Here’s to evoking Eli’s…
… arrogance.
Appropriately enough, let’s start with the arrogance that Jake Jenkins evokes from Eli.  I have to guess these two hardbodied hunks would have quite the bromance if it weren’t for the deep seated need that they both have to be the undisputed top dog.  Hell, it was Jake who complained last winter when I presented a reader’s choice poll for the hottest, most promising rookie in homoerotic wrestling, but forgot to list Eli on the ballot.  When they first met at Rock Hard Wrestling, Jake came out on top in the end, but all along the way, he managed to evoke from Eli some of the sweetest, most compelling arrogance I’ve seen in the ring in a long time.
… barbarity.
JJ and Eli stirred up still more of that primal chemistry when the mad geniuses at BG East threw these two polecats into the mat room together for Mat Rookies 1.  Sure, it started out nice and friendly-like.  But when the singlets came off and the shit got personal, holy hell if beautiful Jake didn’t evoke in Eli a raw, fierce barbarity that takes my (and Jake’s) breath away!
… consternation.
By no means has it all come up roses for Eli, perhaps suffering his most humiliating defeat at the hands of heel-rising Morgan Cruise in Gut Bash 9.  An accomplished MMA fighter like Eli would have no idea to expect he’d be brutally speared by the Mastodon and then brutalized for an eternity as Morgan targeted Eli’s “picture perfect abs.”  You can just read it on Eli’s face halfway through his utter destruction.  This just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be!  Morgan did a whole lot of things to Eli in that match, but perhaps most delightfully, he evoked Eli’s consternation.
… despair.
Eli Black is not a man familiar with defeat.  Having chatted with the young hunk a couple of times, I’m also convinced that Eli’s sincerest wish is to pair his irrepressible desire to dominate with his fiercely loyal and lustful base of gay fans who study his every move and flex in infinite and intimate detail.  So when shockingly forced to submit, or as when he met Jake for the first time in the ring at Rock Hard, going down in the best out of three falls, the pathos is thick and moving when Eli clutches his battered abs and covers his eyes as if to prevent himself from seeing his own destruction (and from being seen by the Eli loyalists lining up to watch his amazing ass!).  Once again, hand it to Jake Jenkins to draw out something stunning, totally arousing, and perfectly pitched for the wrestling kink audience when Jake so powerfully evoked Eli’s despair!
… euphoria.

Eli’s Wrestler Spotlight collection is a prized possession of mine. Personally, I’ve lingered long and hard on the match in the middle of the line-up, in which stunningly beautiful rookie Victor Paz turns out to be not only bigger than ripped Eli, but nearly as experienced in MMA, making the friendly mat tussle turn into an incredibly arousing display of holds slipped on with grace and then joints stretched to the edge of human endurance mercilessly.  But I’ve heard from at least 5 different people for whom it’s Eli’s 3rd match in that set, against bubble-butted little beauty little Lorenzo Lowe that worked them by far the hardest.   Maybe it’s precisely because Lorenzo isn’t nearly a hardbodied hunk like Eli’s other opponents… perhaps it’s the doe-eyed fearlessness with which he starts the match and make’s Eli scoff… or maybe it’s the surprising success the beautiful babyface has in locking Eli up and planting that gorgeous bubble butt on Eli’s face… but whatever it is, it’s hard to miss the furrowed brow, closed eyes, and awe-struck slack jaw that washes over Eli with Lorenzo’s handsome face finally tucked up so nice and tight between Eli’s steel cable thighs, leaving the scarlet-faced rookie with a super-close-up of that amazing ass (count me majorly jealous!).  Sweet Lorenzo (who I swear looks an awful lot like my first boyfriend) evokes a whole lot from Eli, but what a payoff to see him evoke Eli’s euphoria!

Got your own abc’s of Evoking Eli?  Send them my way, preferably with a pic to illustrate them, and I’ll pass along your keen eye and literary savvy in a future post.  In the mean time, for the record, let me just reiterate the obvious.  This is Eli Black’s world, bitches.  We just (fortunately) live in it!

Hurricane Morgan

Morgan Cruise – 5’8″, 170 pounds – eyes on the prize
Morgan Cruise hit the ground running when he first arrived at BG East. Unfortunately for Morgan, he ran straight into a wall of competition grade granite by the name of one of my long time favorites, Lon Dumont.  One the one hand, Morgan is never subtle. Reports are that he showed up at BGE with his gaze fixed on becoming one of the greatest heels of all time.  The Boss put him in the ring with Lon Dumont who looks as though he’s a beautiful, bronze, shaved lightweight gym bunny ripe for a rising heel picking. Morgan quickly discovered in Rookie Wreckers that looks can be deceiving. Lon spent more than a decade in professional wrestling rings in independent productions, typically being a notorious badass and all around champion heel. With infinite (and incredibly sexy) patience, Lon taught Morgan just a taste of all he had yet to learn if he were ever to realize his dream of competing as a legitimate heel.
I’d give my firstborn to trade place with Morgan right here!

Regular readers will be unsurprised when I say that as delightfully as Morgan suffered, I had a majorly tough time ripping my eyes off of g-g-gorgeous Lon! Good god that man grabs me like few others! I do remember that Morgan sweat like a dirty pig (hot, hot, hot!) and showed some sweet, lustful delight in putting in a respectable power offense for just a bit of the bout. Sure, I could picture this hot, hairy kid growing up and becoming a sexy heel someday. But I get the impression that “someday” is not in the Mastodon’s vocabulary. And I had no idea that the boy with an 80’s mainstream pro wrestling muscle body was also an extremely quick study.

Morgan’s passed his heel-in-training qualifying exam all over Eli Black’s bashed body

By the time he climbed back in the ring with 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, ripped gladiator Eli Black for Gut Bash 9, Morgan had not only learned his lessons, he’d mastered them, improvised on them, and showed true genius in both beating Eli to a pulp and showing off Eli’s phenomenal physique like a savant!  Against Eli, Morgan was dominant, brutal, and provocatively sexy as hell!

Morgan is THRILLED to deliver naked backbreaking bashing all over Demian Rush!

So I altered my picture of how Morgan might fit in the homoerotic wrestling universe. Clearly, we wouldn’t have to wait around for him to grow into a sexy heel.  He’s still so young, but fuck all if there’s not an old, vicious, soul-crushing heel living in that beast of a body!  So I figured we’d see Morgan hit the muscle taming circuit for a while, perfecting his craft, playing up the eroticism of trunks-on wrestling for gay eyes. But for his next appearance, he climbed into the ring with trust-fund baby muscleboy Damien Rush (upon whom I had an instant, blinding crush), and proceeded to strip the gorgeous rookie naked and deliver a muscle pounding in the buff.

Flexing naked over his crushed opponent, Morgan is THE MAN!
Good god, man! Strip Stakes 3 transported me back over a decade, reminding me of the thrill of watching the likes of the Brooklyn Bodywrecker toy with, delight in, and ultimately get off all over another frat boy. I’m not exaggerating here. Morgan pulled out nearly all the stops and I swear, as far as I’m concerned, he joined the ranks of the seriously hot heels.  Sweating every bit as much as before, totally naked and furry all over, Morgan is about 10 times more handsome and 100 times more worship worthy once the gear is off and he sticks around to deliver extra credit punishing humiliation.

Morgan stretches Diego Diaz long, long body to it’s gorgeous limits

So it makes complete sense that he skyrocketed to his own Wrestler Spotlight last month after only 3 matches to his name. Morgan’s Spotlight is one erotic epiphany after another. He starts off manhandling the long, tall drink of water Diego Diaz who has an eye on Morgan’s championship belt. What’s he champion of? Who the fuck cares?! Diego wants to see that belt buckled around his own six-pack beauty. I LOVE the look of Diego. I love his insanely long limbs, sculpted torso, handsome face, bushy hair and sexy, deep, accented voice. When he delivers some early punishment and a first shocking submission on Morgan to grab the belt and admire himself with it in the mirror, I admit I found the drama extremely compelling. I hope for big, big things from that big, big sexy man. But seeing Morgan hammer, slam, and beat the living shit of him all over and outside the ring is a thing of profound beauty. He stretches every incredibly long inch of Diego and then serves him up for us like a mouthwatering turkey dinner. Awesome. Simply awesome.

No shit! Pec claw push-ups on rookie muscle farmboy, Tony Law.

I have no idea where Tony Law has been hiding, but I’m extremely pleased that he’s shown his big, beefy, farm boy body in the BG East ring, and even happier that he debuted his luscious muscles and rocking ass against the rolling stone of Morgan Cruise! I’ve since learned that this is not the first time Morgan and Tony have wrestled (more on that later), which may explain that frightening lack of all humanity in Morgan’s absolute destruction, obliteration even, of the blond babyface with tree trunk thighs. For Tony’s sake, I hope he knew just how vicious the Mastodon could be, because this is a marathon shit kicking session!

Morgan looks ready to orgasm, riding muscle hunk Chace like a broken bronco
And speaking of marathons, in the finale to Morgan’s Wrestler Spotlight, he and Chace LaChance version 2.0 go at it so long you’d better pack a lunch and plenty of fluids! I still think Chace needs to face Lon Dumont in the ring, because it’s my armchair opinion that the tweezed pretty boy cost the two of them a humiliating tag team defeat in Tag Team Torture 12. Perhaps Chace’s newfound prime beef is in anticipation of his date with destiny in facing bodybuilding champion Lon (I can hope!). In the mean time, Chace pulls of some impressive offense against the rising tide of Morgan’s heel aspirations. But at this point, Morgan is just unstoppable. He’s also incredibly entertaining to watch along his journey to cement himself as not only on the list of sexy heels, but climbing those rankings. When he’s got that lustful, dreamy look in his eyes, clearly huffing on the scent of humiliation dripping off of a withering opponent, he’s a true wonder!  Any bitches even dare to suggest that he needs to shave or manscape more aggressively just sit right back down. Morgan is transported directly off of nationally televised professional wrestling badassness from exactly 27 years ago today, and hairy legs, pecs, pits, and pubes are 100% Morgan Cruise sexy heel fantastic!

Master Kevin and Morgan flex off

Others already knew Morgan from before he knocked on the door in Pembroke, from his self-promotion campaign as a teen bodybuilder to be worshipped on YouTube. I’ve since also discovered that his frequent competition for teen muscle worship fanatics, Chaoserver aka Master Kevin has since teamed up with Morgan (and Damien Rush and Tony Law!) to produce some sexy west coast independent wrestling of their own. More to come on this front soon, but I get the impression that perhaps the Mastodon may need a new nickname. Something like Hurricane Morgan. Because he’s nothing short of a terrifying, unstoppable force of nature these days!

Built for bare-assed muscle destruction.

Still-Frame Fantasies

I’ve been working my ass off so hard that the month of May is pretty much a wash when it comes to my favorite past-time: checking out new homoerotic wrestling releases. I’m just throwing in the towel and putting an asterisk in the homoerotic wrestler of the month competition for May 2012. The throne will remain empty for the month.  I have a strong suspicion that there will be a new title holder once June has played out, however. BG East has released Catalog 93, and it’s packed with some of my long time fantasyman crushes as well as more recent infatuations, any one of which could (and most of them have) easily bitchslapped the competition and claim the title. I’m also entranced with the hotness of new Rock Hard wrestler Britboy Will Stanley landing just in time for the queen’s diamond jubilee. Only 5 days into the month and based solely on still-frame fantasies, here are the immediate front runners for June’s title.
Denny Cartier crotch pins Joah Bindao

Denny’s back! Just the photos alone of hot Denny Cartier can tide me over, and in his Gazebo Grapplers 13 appearance he’s looking tastier than ever. Those eyes, that smile, the dimpled chin, wide strong shoulders, gorgeous chest, luscious ass, strong legs, and look at those forearms… all of that and some of the highest quality grappling I love, and Denny could easily be a 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month. And hot little muscleman Joah Bindao is definitely a rising stock.

Jake Jenkins threatens to dismember Jayden Mayne
Gazebo Grapplers 13 is catching me eye from start to finish, including Jake Jenkins looking possibly hotter than I’ve ever seen. Is it the trunks? Is it that hot, “monkey boy” body? Is it that his eyes looking like he’s about to carve into Thanksgiving turkey as he stares down handsome scrapper, Jayden?  Jake’s done it once and could easily do it again, wrestling his way into another homoerotic wrestler of the month title.
Joshua Goodman’s crotch might choke out Christopher Bruce!

And yet another Gazebo Grapplers 13 match is turning my crank in still-frame! Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) could read the phone book and I’d be off before he got to Aanerud (as long as he’s in nothing but those skimpy white trunks)! I’ve never seen a Mr. Joshua match that fails to make me weak in the knees, and pitting him against perennial powerhouse and sexy thinker Christopher Bruce could easily propel either of these men into the lead.  It seems impossible that Mr. Joshua has not yet owned the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. Could his Susan Lucci moment arrive in June?

Stinger in trouble from every angle!

My, oh my, Masked Mayhem 7 could be a superhero homoerotic wrestling fantasy for the record books! Lean, sexy Stinger’s partner doesn’t show up, and the brave masked man agrees to face both legendary heel Cage Thunder and his new tag partner, unmistakably menacing long, hard hottie Lightning Rod. Cage Thunder has yet to own the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month on these pages, but could this be the month on the strength of what looks like an astonishingly sexy, brutal double-team?

Skip Vance in agony under the control of Kid Karisma

Speaking of astonishingly sexy, the pairing of incredibly hot champion jobber, Skip Vance and my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division), Kid Karisma, has the potential to be epic! I’ve lobbied the boys at BG East for a long-overdue Wrestler Spotlight starring Kid K’s world class muscle ass! Skip hasn’t held the title, but Kid K was living large and in charge as homoerotic wrestler of the month 11 months ago. Either of these stunners could easily own it this month.

Fiercely hot newbie Diego Diaz launches Morgan Cruise
Neither Morgan Cruise nor newbie heartthrob Diego Diaz have held the homoerotic wrestler of the month title yet, but I could easily see their face-off for Morgan’s Spotlight earning one of them the distinction for June. Hurricane Morgan is like a force of nature lately, leveling every hot, hunky face placed in his way. And ripped, snarling, Latino powerhouse Diego has captured my imagination like no current newcomer. It’s a rare feat to be homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of just 2 matches, but the Latino giant could definitely make that happen.

Mitch Colby makes batboy Aryx Qinn pucker up
Mitch Colby has owned every title I could ever dream up. If Mitch and Diego Diaz were to ever tag team,   my life could very well be complete. In the mean time, his hairy chested, sweat soaked ring pounding with Aryx Quinn makes Mitch an instant contender for a 2nd trip to the winner’s circle.
Austin sweats through his jock while he shows off Patrick Donovan’s best side.

Austin Cooper is everywhere lately! For sheer ironman hotness (not to mention Goldenboy beauty and a top notch bubble butt) Austin is a contender for the title he has yet to possess. And Patrick Donovan is an instant contender, and I strongly suspect that Patrick has made a pact with Satan, because he’s done nothing but get sexier and more gorgeous with each and every match he’s wrestled in his long and lustrous career! That ass alone deserves a title, and he could absolutely deserve the homoerotic wrestler of the month title for his Matmen 23 face-off with the Goldenboy.

Austin does chiropractic work on Britboy rookie Will Stanley.

And my last instant infatuation for the first 5 days of June is Rock Hard Wrestling’s rookie lovely, Will Stanley. See, Austin’s back (making for 2 nominations for the title this month), but like Joe, I’m immediately craving a closer look at handsome, ripped hunk Will Stanley. That body, that ink, that face, AND an accent? Nostalgia alone could tip the scales to Will Stanley, Esquire, in honor of the queen’s diamond jubilee.

Hot, hot, hot start to summer, homoerotic wrestling fans!

Class Warfare

Damien Rush moves into BG East to execute an
unfriendly takeover bid.

Hell, yes! My latest crop of BG East new releases arrived on my birthday, and what a sweet, sweet birthday present! There’s so much to enjoy, and I’m trying to pace myself. Self-restraint is not my strong suit, but I’m working on savoring each taste deliberately. I’ve spent the most time so far in the high class, blue blood company of silver spoon fed pretty boy rookie, Damien Rush in Strip Stakes 3.

The coiffed rookie looks down his nose at Morgan Cruise.

Wowzers! What’s a trust fund baby, who gets off on wrestling, to do with all his time when he’s not cashing daddy’s checks? If you’re Damien Rush, you hire a personal trainer to muscle up and learn some ring moves; you purchase some tailored, shiny ring gear; and I’m guessing you probably spend a day at the spa getting a facial, a full body massage, and expert manscaping to look just about as gorgeous and invincible as you feel. Finally, click that “wrestle for bg east” tab at the bottom of the website and let The Boss know when you’ll be arriving and that you require Perrier and fois gras in your dressing room.

Damien’s punishing legs and bulging crotch are perfect for homoerotic wrestling!

I’d never really thought of Morgan Cruise as a blue collar champion, but that’s why The Boss is The Boss. The contrast between these two gorgeous men is subtle, but impossible to miss. The trust fund baby is long and lean and classically handsome. He shows up in designer shades and his tuxedo jacket, dripping with condescension and class privilege. He’s clean around all the edges, strong chin, $300 haircut…. When Morgan the Mastodon catches his first sight of Damien, Morgan looks like the line worker who’s walked into a jacket-and-tie-required 3-star restaurant.  Hunky, cocky, heel-bent Morgan succumbs to the power of social class politics, falling silent, literally slack-jawed, and passively allowing the aristocrat to shove his sunglasses into his hands like his personal valet.

Morgan is determined to make the trust fund baby pay up

I have to admit that 30 seconds into this match I was guessing that burly Morgan was about to squash Damien in what was destined to be a back alley mugging. And without a doubt, Morgan pretty quickly humbles the trust fund baby for looking down his nose at him. But even if Damien doesn’t have the ring experience of the Mastodon, he apparently has all the training that daddy’s bank account can buy. He takes some early offense from Morgan and, with impressive skills for an untested rookie, turns the tide and puts curly-haired Morgan on his back. Damien’s long, lovely legs are his strong suit. He nearly squeezes the will to keep fighting out of rough-around-the-edges Morgan, crushing his kidneys between his knees.

Morgan strips and pummels while Damien struggles for air
 through the crotch of his own trunks.

“Nearly,” is a dangerous word in the world of BG East, however. Once Morgan shakes off his socially proscribed class insecurity, he not only hammers the trust fund baby into a stupor, but he also begins to seriously, almostly lovingly relish making and watching his opponent suffer. The Mastodon seems to be particularly infatuated with watching Damien’s handsome face (and who blames him?) contorted, twisted, and screwed up in toothy, open-mouthed agony. The hot aristocrat is made of surprisingly tough stuff, though, and even when the match momentum is burying him hopelessly, he holds out longer than I’d have guessed a trust fund baby could manage, bitterly resisting acknowledging that he’s been humbled by a “little man” from the other side of the tracks.  Pretty boy finally gives away the first submission, however, and Morgan decides right then and there that just beating the blue blood is completely insufficient. He decides that he must humble the arrogant aristocrat completely, stripping him out of his skin-tight, tailored, royal purple trunks and shoving them over Damien’s face, where they stay for almost all of the second fall as Morgan flings and pounds the arrogant rookie all over the ring.

Morgan is entranced by the sight of the suffering he’s inflicting.
Damien’s body is incredibly tasty, and tastier and tastier with each item of clothing he loses! When Morgan traps him in the ropes, Damien’s agony and vulnerability are a feast for the eyes. His cries and whimpers are music to my ears. And the trust fund baby’s ample package is provocatively propped on top of the middle rope like a trophy on the mantel.  Right about then, I’m guessing Damien was wishing that he had his wrestling tutor at ringside to coach him out of his humiliating predicament. Happily, however, he does not.
Naked wrestling and an explosive ramrod rookie debut!
As I mentioned, this is not a squash. Damien wrestles with impressive bursts of technical skill and speed, and when he’s down to nothing but a bare assed g-string, his humiliation seems to trigger a ferocious warrior-within.  With a rage in his eyes that turns me ON, he out-hustles, slams, and pins hunky Morgan to his back for a fantastic small package 3-count that stuns Morgan so completely that Damien is able to strip him out of his signature square cuts and shove them over the Mastodon’s face for some crowing tit-for-tat revenge. But do not doubt that the 99% are done with getting shafted. Morgan takes some beating, but his designs on capturing the title of BG East’s resident heel extraordinaire will not be denied by the likes of gym-toned Damien. In a move that shocks me (despite the title of this product), both of these battlers end up battling in nothing but their boots before the end, and once Damien has exhausted everything in his reserves, Morgan delights in wrapping the naked stud back up in the ropes and torturing him helplessly in a gratuitous, sweat-dripping full nelson. Just as he looks like he’s about to pop Damien’s head right off his neck, we finally get the answer of why, really, a blue blooded trust fund baby would click on the “wrestle for bg east” tab on the website. With nowhere left to go, conquered in body and soul, humbled and humiliated like no one has ever managed before, Damien not only gets hard, he can’t help himself but begin stroking his cock. His groans of agony mix with groans of ecstasy, as Morgan watches on, as if enraptured by the sight of the outcome of his power and mastery of his opponent.
The 99% get their’s in the end.

There are two epiphany moments for me in Strip Stakes 3. First, I’m stunned by this barnburner rookie debut. Showing up with all that personality hanging out, all of those devastatingly gorgeous looks, and ready to put absolutely every inch of his body on the line for the match that introduces him to BG East fans is earth shaking. He’s incredibly sexy, and the glimpse of him enraged, ferocious, and powering on top gives me a double shot of adrenaline. The idea of a Mr. Moneybags lie-cheat-and-steal his way to the top-of-the-heap homoerotic wrestler (who’s, incidentally, g-g-g-gorgeous!) is an idea whose time has surely come! My second epiphany in this match is how astonishingly sexy it is to see Morgan Cruise turn the volume up to 11 when it comes to homoeroticism. Seriously, I did not know that the Mastodon had it in him to bare it all and let us see just how profoundly he enjoys – no, lusts for – the feeling of dominating and devouring a bare naked opponent.  If Morgan’s wish is, as reported, to take his place among the greatest heels of BG East, I certainly can’t say that he’s on par with the likes of hairy, hunky sadist Brooklyn Bodywrecker… but I can definitely see him on that path. Well done, Morgan! A hearty and enthusiastic welcome to Mr. Rush’s son! And yet another “thank you” to The Boss for producing the sexiest wrestling on tap!

Aw, Shucks

Thunder’s Arena’s Python (and his goofy grin)
On Friday I started off my review of the top biceps that turn me on in homoerotic wrestling by marveling at the fierce pythons on Thunder’s Arena’s new muscle boy, Python. I also mentioned in passing, among Python’s many notable features, he’s got a damn adorably goofy grin. I haven’t seen his debut against Angel yet, but his photo shoot pics are full shots of that toothy, awkward, cute-as-a-button overbite from the slammin’ gorgeous bodybuilder. The “aw shucks” homoerotic wrestler has a strong appeal for me. The “aw shucks” wrestler is that rookie who, whether he’s got the guns to blaze like Python or not, he sports an undisguisable self-consciousness about him.  He looks like he’s got an ocean of insecurity swirling just underneath the surface of a barely managed game face.  Without words, he communicates with perfect clarity, “aw shucks, I’m just lucky to be here.” He knows we’re looking at him, marveling, fantasizing, and he feels like he should probably do something, flex just so or say something witty, but all that he’s got at the moment is that “aw shucks” goofy grin.
Thunder’s Arena Dallas goes from  “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!”
Thunder’s Arena puts up more than their fair share of “aw shucks” wrestlers.  Before his recent match with Coupe, Dallas adamantly insisted that between the two of them (both with spotty win-loss records, to say the least), he was the bigger chump. Coupe couldn’t believe that Dallas could possibly be as much of a jobber as he is. But the look on Dallas’ face as they faced off in speedos is priceless. It morphed delightfully from “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!” Coupe is an extraordinary muscle freak, and Dallas, while delightful to look at it, is relatively soft and crunchable standing vulnerably in Coupe’s shadow. Self-conscious vulnerability, stage fright, a little bit of “what the fuck am I doing here?!”… it can be a nice element in the typically over the top battle of narcissists who more frequently populate the scene.
Big Sexy and PeeWee give the “aw shucks” wrestling motif 4 thumbs up.

Thunder’s took Aw Shucks to (and possibly over) the edge of credulity with the infinitely fuckable babyface who wrestles diminutively as PeeWee. PeeWee showed up to audition for Thunder’s knowing full well that he’d get his ass kicked. Big Sexy is more than happy to make PeeWee’s prophecy self-fulfilling, but PeeWee keeps the “aw shucks” attitude going from start to finish. He’s a hot little muscle stud with some unquestionably hot moves of his own, but even when he’s working some rare riding time on Sexy, PeeWee is profoundly insecure and self-deprecating. Even when he’s got Sexy so compromised that he could (if he chose) yank down Sexy’s trunks and fuck his ass, PeeWee is supremely self-critical and predicts his own demise. Bulging muscles, bulging pouch, bulging insecurity… this works for me in many (though definitely not all) cases.

Showing up for his BG East audition sexy Alexi Adamov
grins nervously for approval from Brad Rochelle.
Thunder’s, however, definitely doesn’t corner the market in “aw shucks” wrestlers. These days, tall, tasty Alexi Adamov is all about that deep bass rumble and a tenuous certainty that he can, on any given day, kick some ass.  But in his first BG East match, showing up for a faux “audition” after the stealth coup of the compound by heel-turned Brad Rochelle, Alexi is one great big, luscious, gorgeously smooth, ridiculously pretty slice of humble pie. Brad, getting his kicks off of fucking with the newbie’s mind, requires that the Russian babyface try on several possible gear choices, each one more made-to-order for a jobber beatdown than the last. Alexi poses for Brad, obeying the veteran’s instructions, proud of his beautiful body but seemingly easily unnerved by Brad’s strategic verbal jabs and slights. Alexi is just pleased as punch to get a shot at the world of BG East, and recently emerged heel Brad is like a hungry spider, slowly luring the fly into his web to slowly, mercilessly suck him dry.
Morgan Cruise – too smiley to heel?
Morgan Cruise is a quick study, learning nasty-ass lessons from the likes of pro veteran (and current contender to re-take the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division) Lon Dumont on the nuts and bolts of constructing a BG East ring heel. Morgan’s most recent appearance was showing that he was taking notes from Lon by turning around and catching ripped rookie (and last month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month) Eli Black off guard and pounding the shit out of him forever. But if you missed Morgan’s first match, facing off against Lon with the explicit agenda of being BG East’s next great heel, then you missed Morgan’s “aw shucks” moment (which was, not coincidentally, the same moment that it was crystal clear that Lon was going to own his ass). Morgan flexes proudly. He bounces his pecs in Lon’s face. He says the right words about being confident in his own destiny as a big, burly muscle heel. But he’s got that unmistakable toothy, self-conconsious, I-can’t-quite-sell-myself grin on his face. Lon even notes that Morgan is a little too “smiley” for a heel-wannabe. Lon’s crushing of him seems to have squeezed the “aw shucks” right out of him, but no mistaking it, Morgan Cruise initially showed as an “aw shucks” rookie bear cub.

Rio Garza always looks like he can’t quite believe
his own luck.

And finally, when it comes to “aw shucks” wrestlers, Rio Garza’s tasty hot ass is seated squarely in line with the best of them. Can-Am has exploited what I’m guessing is Rio’s genuine state, that of the stunning muscle stud who’s a little awed to be asked back over and over to be ogled and admired by armies of gay wrestling fans. When he faced Aryx Quinn (pretty much the opposite of the “aw shucks” wrestler), like Alexi Adamov, Rio was easily manipulated by the mind games of a sadistic veteran. Rio was nothing short of humbled by the status as a brand new Can-Am “exclusive,” and with some strategically placed compliments from Aryx, the awkward, sort of embarrassed grin on his face grew. This all simply makes him oh-so-ripe for a humorless and merciless crushing from Aryx. The device works particularly well with Rio, I think, explaining why he showed up wanting Cameron Mathews and Paul Hudson to teach him how to be a pro wrestler. He knows he’s strong. He knows the fans like looking at him. But with a little nervous grin, he admits to the pros that he’s got something to learn about the business. Cameron and Paul, of course, oblige, and Rio’s “aw shucks” awkward grin gets twisted into beautiful agony soon enough.

All those muscles can’t quite disguise the self-conscious grin on Python’s face.

A little “aw shucks” goes a long way for what turns me on. Overplayed, and it comes across as amateurish and distinctly less than erotic. But sprinkled on top of a hot steaming helping of beautiful bodies, skimpy gear, and hard hammering wrestling, an adorably goofy smile and a self-conscious glance down at one’s own feet can make for a sweet set-up to an arousing match.

Stop and Double-Take

Eli Black, aka Shutdown, aka Primus, aka Amazing
February is a short month to reign as top homoerotic wrestler, but Eli Black certainly hit the ground running with his recent release for Rock Hard Wrestling, delightfully schooling body beautiful Alexi “Drago-lite” Ivanov in the brutal realities of post-Cold War combat. Eli scolded me a bit for covering some of the same ground as in his interview with Joe, when I asked him about what aspects of his rocking rock hard body he’s most proud of.  Technically, Joe asked Eli about how it was to work for Rock Hard Wrestling (this was prior to BG East’s release of Gut Bash 9), during which Eli took the opportunity to appreciate how RHW makes his “picture-perfect eight-pack abs and that amazing and stunning ass” look so incredible. So my question wasn’t exactly old news, but I wasn’t about to try to correct Eli Black! I’ll leave that to much more accomplished hands (like Jake Jenkins, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise, etc.). And God help them when they try…
Jake put Eli’s divinely sculpted 8-pack on display.

In any case, Eli once again sang the praises of his astonishingly hard washboard and his luscious ass. So as the days wind down in February, I want to echo, once again, what I said to Eli. His abs and his ass are also at the top of my list of favorite elements to the stunning fight physique that Eli has crafted.
Morgan tried to tenderize Eli’s cement core.
Why worry about sculpting a zero-fat granite sculpture like Eli’s? Of course, Eli answered that question for us as well. The better to take a beating, in the unlikely event, and bounce right back to be ready to climb into the ring and come back swinging. Eli’s body is clearly devoted to one task, and one task alone: to be as hard and strong as physically possible. So sure, Morgan pounded the living shit out of Eli’s washboard until his anatomy chart core was a deep, throbbing red. I have no doubt in the least that Eli was roaring to climb back into the ring the next morning, ready to take what he’d learned from getting caught by a surprise spear from the Mastodon and incorporate it into Eli’s own brutally dangerous game plan.
Eli’s ass is certainly eye-catching!

 And that ass! “Pow,” indeed! I throw around the term “bubble butt” far too freely around here, I’ll be the first to admit. I like a powerful, round, more than a couple handfuls of gluteus maximus any day. But Eli’s divinely sculpted ass has no resemblance at all to a bubble butt. Like every other inch of his physique, it’s hard, without an ounce of wasted mass. There’s nothing bubbly about Eli, from his tunnel vision focus on victory to his rock hard, lean butt. But unlike some endurance athletes who seem to whittle their glutes down to being flat as a board, Eli’s got the genetics to sport both zero bodyfat and a truly gorgeous, aesthetic, curvaceous, meaty ass! These cheeks could crack walnuts and look oh, so good doing it!

Eli looked primed to fuck up (or just fuck) Russian muscleboy Alexi.

I got the impression from my interview with Eli, and from Joe’s interview before that, that Eli Black is ready to do whatever it takes to get the point across: that he’s the best. His description of what he’s prepared to do if Attila Dynasty ever tries to recapture Eli’s face between Attila’s dangerous thighs (in an as yet unreleased match for BGE) was profoundly moving for me. He’s going to drive his elbow up Attila’s lean, mean ass; then he’ll ambush Dynasty whenever he climbs into the ring against another opponent, in order to beat them both senseless and shove the third man’s fist up Attila’s ass. Good fucking God! Eli Black’s playbook sounds like a combination of the movie Caligula and classic indy pro. Now that is an inspired homoerotic wrestling imagination!

Cannot WAIT to see Jake and Eli’s world class asses hit the mat!
And I suspect I hardly need to point out to anyone the provocative suggestion that Eli made when I asked him about seeing the preview pics of him wrestling a rematch with hunk stud Jake Jenkins in jock straps. When Jake decided to strip down to next to nothing, Eli took it as a personal challenge to follow suit. “I’ll wrestle naked,” Eli stated boldly in our interview, “just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in Greek times.”  I, for one, am not about to question Eli Black’s sincerity or the strength of his convictions, so I believe him 100% when he says he’s willing to wrestle naked. This, of course, begs the question of when a wrestling promotion is going to put Eli in front of a wrestler who will deliver the full monty challenge that we’re all now holding our breath for?! So many hot, naked wrestlers to choose from, I’m not sure who to recommend. How about dangling raw, fresh meat in front of this raging bull like Tyrell Tomsen or Christian Taylor? Or how about put him in the expert hands of Kid Vicious or Cage Thunder? Primus says he’s ready to battle like the Greeks, and someone needs to take him at his word!
Eli’s got plans, don’t doubt it for a second!
Eli Black has depths that have yet to be plumbed. He’s fierce, brash, potentially reckless, even, so I hope he doesn’t burn out prematurely. If he takes his knocks and sticks it out, I can’t help but believe every word of what Eli predicts for himself. He’ll be running the show (with an iron fist, no doubt) before all is said and done!

Primus

When Eli Black powered into the title of my homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his appearance last month for Rock Hard Wrestling, followed quickly by his debut match release for BG East, I decided to see if I could track him down for a follow-up interview to his barnburner verbal fencing match (or brawl) with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island. Despite his stated reluctance to grant me this interview, Eli actually seemed pretty open to the idea from the start, and let’s face it, Eli Black loves to talk about Eli Black! Since everything was going my way for this little project, I decided to press my luck and approach the boys at BG East to see if they had any cutting room floor shots of Eli’s match with Morgan Cruise. To my shocked delight, in what I think might be a first ever pre-release of shots from as yet unseen BG East matches, Kid Leopard himself sent me some exclusive, never before published photos of Eli in three yet to be released bouts, with permission to share them here! I get the impression that BG East is thrilled to have this ferociously ambitious tiger by the tail. He kept me on my toes during this interview. He makes some extremely bold predictions for his future success in homoerotic wrestling. And combined with seeing the punishment he can dish out and take, my conversation with Eli has made me that much more infatuated with this fierce, rock hard, seriously dangerous hottie!
———-

Eli Black – ripped, roaring and ready to conquer the world!

Bard: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Eli. I read your interview with Joe over at his blog Ringside at Skull Island and I was feeling a little intimidated. Your conversation with Joe seemed to get a little testy. Are you and he still on speaking terms?

Eli: I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to take this interview, but as far as speaking terms, you’ll see if he ever writes anything bad on me again.

Bard: Well, I’m that much more grateful that you did take this interview! I just watched your debut match with BG East against big bruiser Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, Eli! Your body is ripped to shreds! What’s the secret of staying at that level of conditioning?

Eli competes in MMA as well as as his sights
set on RHW and BGE!

Eli: Ugh!! Morgan Cruise, the hamasta pussy. Let me just say first of all that whole match was bull shit! Cheap shots left and right. I can’t wait till I see him again. Oh my God I… hate!!!… losing!!!! He’s got it coming. But I work hard on my body, with various circuit work outs from speed to power to stimulate my muscle, to be primed and ready to take beatings in case I end up taking a b.s. beating like this match was. My recovery that way is rapid and gets me back in the ring ready for more, unlike the rest of the out of shape pussies who are cheap pieces of shit.

Bard: Well your fitness is incredible, and the work you’re doing in the gym is phenomenal to see in the ring! So speaking of your match with Morgan, it certainly looks to me like you’re toying with the big kid in the opening moments. He’s flat-footed, slow, and I get the impression that you could put him on his back in a split second. With your MMA background, do you find it hard not to open up a can of full-contact whoop-ass in the world of pro wrestling?

Eli: [laughing] Yeah, I definitely can’t help myself but go. Whether I’m toying with someone or in a grudge match, I’m really good at finding a weakness in my opponents. And in Morgan’s case I could kick and strike him all day long, but once he speared me, he caught me way off guard, which was unusual for me. But I’m more than positive when it’s me and him again, he’s done! But yeah, I definitely toyed with him in the beginning. I mean there’s no one out there with my skills, so why be scared?

The Mastodon drives Eli into the
corner

Bard: I have no trouble believing that for an instant! I’ve noticed that Morgan has been calling himself “The Mastodon” in his bid to be the next big, bad heel at BG East. Other than him being hairy and, compared with you, slow, I’m not really sure his nickname really says a lot about him. Now that you’ve seen him up close, what nickname would you pick for him?

Eli: Like I said earlier, “masta pussy!” Even so, I wouldn’t even say that he’s huge! He’s not insanely strong. He’s nothing special. I am just gonna say “No Name,” because I don’t have time to waste on giving that cheap ass a nickname. Next time I see his ugly ass, I’ll make sure to cover his face up with his own underwear, with a sign on his back sayin, “Eli Black: I don’t want that!,” because of how horribly I’m going to destroy him! Other than that, his nickname is just plain stupid, and if I were his reflection in the mirror I’d laugh in his face!

Bard: I know a whole army of your fans who would line up to see you do all of that! What’s a good nickname that your fans should call you?

Eli: Hmmm, I like to think I “shutt” down my opponents, so it’s only fair to say Eli “the Shutdown” Black. What ya think about that? Amazing? Yeah, I know. I can be known as that too!

Bard: Both options sound excellent to me! So Eli “the Shutdown” Black, I hope you don’t mind if I ask another question about your body, because it’s quite a favorite topic of mine lately. With a body as amazing as yours, I can imagine it might be hard to decide, but what part of your body are you proudest of?

Eli: Hmmm, well in my other interview I did have a similar question, and since then, other than me getting even tighter and harder than before, it’s still an out of the park easy answer: my picture perfected 8-pack (sculpted by the gods themselves), and my ass that will make anyone stop and double-take more than once. And once again, I give it all to God for giving me this cement block for me to be sculpted the way I am.

Bard: Your 8-pack and your ass top my list of favorite parts of your body as well! I’m also a big fan of body art, so I love your tats. The colorful tat down your ribcage quickly caught my eye. It looks fierce, but I can’t make out what it says. Any special significance to that or any of your other tats?

Number one, the highest ranking, aka the best

Eli: Well, the one on my ribs says “primus,” meaning number one, or the highest ranking, aka the best. The one on my thigh is the outline of the best wrestling state in the world, PA. And the one behind my arm says faith, but if you look closer you’ll see behind it in red is a Chinese reading of the saying “blood, sweat, and tears,” representing what I do and believe in. And on my back, you have my Pitt panther.

Bard: Awesome art, and very cool to see how each piece speaks to your passions and strengths. I think “Primus” could easily be another excellent nickname for you. So when I mentioned to Kid Leopard at BG East that you’d agreed to do this interview, he graciously sent me some exclusive, advanced preview pics of a few matches that you’ve wrestled for BG East that have yet to be released. First, let me say that you look incredible in every shot! Second, I’m immediately drawn to the evidence that BG East gave you a second shot at evening the score with Jake Jenkins after he defeated you over at RHW. What was it like facing Jake for the second time?

In a cage, in the ring, on the mat… Eli “Primus” Black is a triple threat!

Eli: Hmm, I guess Primus would be a good one. You can take credit for that and start it for me, why don’t ya? And yeah, Kid Lep is probably one of the only straight forward wrestlers I’ve met so far. But yes, for all my fans, I got another crack at Jake, and when I say it was once again a match of the year, I left no room for disappointment. You’ll all be out your seats when you see how I do this time around! You ask anyone at BG. I fought everyone to get that rematch with li’l Jake. He tried to get out of the rematch, but like I said, only if you’re lucky! And I mean if you’re lucky enough to beat me, you’ll regret it, because I will get you again, and when you see this match when it’s released you’ll see what I do the 2nd time around.

Down to jocks, Eli is determined to exact revenge
all over Jake’s hot muscled body.
Bard: Cannot wait! The shots Kid Leopard sent look like you’re on the mats, and you start in singlets, but at some point you’re both down to jock straps. Good God, man, that’s a hot set-up!

That ass will command a double-take any day!

Eli: Yeah, he was scared to step in the ring with me again, so I said, “Hey, you have a wrestling back ground like me (just not as successful [laughing]), so let’s get on the mats. While we’re out there, I guess he thought he had a better body than me, and decided to take his singlet down, and I instantly complied by pulling mine down. I’ll wrestle naked, just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in the Greek times.

Eli’s got the noose tightening around Jake’s neck!

Bard: Pure gold, Primus! And it’s further evidence of what you’ve said about your divinely blessed ass! I cannot wait for that release! I also see that you faced off against a couple of the up-and-coming resident pretty boys of BG East. Attila Dynasty has been squeezing the will to fight out of his opponents between those surprisingly devastating legs of his. Any lasting memories of Attila that you have?

Eli’s got something in mind if Attila ever tries this again!

Eli has Attila all tied up.

Eli: Honestly that whole match is a blur, but if that little pussy Attila ever tries to put my face remotely close to his ass again, I will shove my elbow deep in it next time. Then I’ll jump in the middle of one of his matches and beat the shit out them both, and then shove whoever else was in the ring’s hand up his ass!!!!!

Bard: Personally, I’d love to see some serious shit get thrown down at BG East! First, I’ll send you $10 for elbowing Attila up the ass, and second, I’ll send you another $10 for interfering with his next match to fuck him up some more! Damn, I doubt BG East has any idea quite yet just how high you’re ready to climb!

Eli: I will say that BG East is definitely a whole different world of pro wrestling. Full of cheap ass cheaters and pussies who can only win by taking the easy way out with dirty tricks.  Rock Hard is a little more straightforward, less low blows and dirty shit, and they actually like to battle it out to be a true champion. But I’m not going to make excuses. I will overcome it all and be the champ for all wrestling, and I will go in the history books as the best, because I am the best! I train the best. I will beat the best, and I will show every one how to be the best, and what it takes to be…. Eli……… Black!!!

Bard: Hot damn, Eli! You’ve got me convinced and bursting with anticipation of seeing your master plan play out!  Your take on the differences between RHW and BGE is fascinating. I think I remember from your interview with Joe that you didn’t have a very high estimation of the scene at Rock Hard, either. Both venues have dealt you some hard knocks, but it sounds like you see the need for different strategies to accomplish your goal of conquering them both.

Eli: Yeah, Rock Hard has a bunch of two-faced snobs, but they’re not as dirty as the BG East pussies are. But yes, I will conquer it all, and I’m going to drag every one of my opponents behind me with a noose tied around their necks!

Pretty Chace LaChance does some
chiropractic work on Eli

Bard: Well, no one can say that they weren’t warned about you! I noticed there’s a shot of you wrestling Chace LaChance. I think Chace is probably the most ridiculously pretty wrestler you’ve faced. He’s talked some trash about being a boxer, but I just can’t believe a pretty face like his has ever seriously boxed. Please tell me that you left him significantly less pretty after your ring match!

Eli: No comment on him, but he was nothing that would make me think he ever boxed! Threw a punch at a pillow!!! And I would say he’s not gonna be so pretty on your scale when you see him after this match, regardless of the outcome.

Bard: I’ll take that as a promise, and again, I can’t wait to see that match! So despite having faced a whole lot of guys who did not impress you, if you had to pick one of your former opponents as a tag team partner, who would you pick?

Eli: As much as I hate to say it (and you need to understand I HATE it!), it would have to be Jake Jenkins, only because we both are similar in the way we make shit look good. We both do the work, and he’d be the only one I’d give any type of credit to.

Bard: I can’t say enthusiastically enough how I can certainly see how you and Jake make shit look good! I also have to think that the two of you would be a buzz saw through the unlucky ranks of RHW or BG East. So, you’ve been generous with squeezing this interview in, and I really appreciate it. Before I let you go, I’m wondering if you can talk a bit about what it’s like for you to have a growing group of seriously loyal fans who are tearing up the discussion boards singing your praises. You’ve made a huge impression on a lot of us fans in a pretty short time on the scene!

Eli Black makes shit look good!

Eli: I will say, and this will be the nicest thing you’ll ever here me say, that I love my fans. Believe it or not, as long as you like hardcore matches with great footage and moves and me doing what I do, I will always perform! Don’t doubt it. Keep talking me up. It makes me just wanna push harder!!!! And I have no limits!!!

Bard: That’s a challenge that I and a whole bunch of Eli “Primus” Black fans will be happy to accept! Win, lose or draw, there are a bunch of us crazy for more, and I suspect once we see that jockstrap match with Jake, you’re going to be getting more buzz than you can imagine! We’ll be happy to keep doing our part, as long as you’re keeping up your hot work and working that gorgeous ass of yours! Thanks so much for your time, and I hope we can talk again as you keep tearing up the wrestling scene!

Eli: Thank you. It was a better time than the last one. Just look forward to seeing me push harder and harder! I will never let you down.

Bard: Awesome!