The Best of BG East in 2016 has already been announced! Damn, that was fast. Clearly, I get into awards season heavily, so of course I need to debrief.
Biff’s ascendancy to the throne as Top Babyface is a remarkable rise for last year’s Debut of the Year winner. Seriously, we’ve been lusting after this gorgeous muscle man for less than two years! And just like that, he steps in, yanks the title from longtime title holder Jake Jenkins, and slaps JJ to the curb. There’s a reason that I let alliteration go fucking nuts when I’m talking about big, blond, blue-eyed, buff, bulging, beautiful babyfaced Biff.
With no defending title holders in the pool, Chace LaChance muscled his washboard right onto the throne as having the best abs. I had guessed that Chace might leverage his army of body worshipping fans to fill this vacuum.
Fuck, yeah! I have been arguing for years that Kid Karisma had the best body from top to bottom, and I’m thrilled that the court of public opinion has finally agreed with me. Last year’s winner, Chace, wasn’t even nominated, which certainly begs the question of who would fans want to worship more today. And there’s absolutely no other possible way to resolve this question than a jock strap wrestling match in the ring. And I STILL say Kid K’s body would rock the competition out cold.
Honestly, I’m unaccustomed to being so much in the majority when it comes to the Besties. But like me, a whole lot of the rest of you also noticed Kirk Donahue’s gargantuan bulge this year. I can think of no hotter scenario than Pete Sharp and Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) coming back in 2017 for a 3 way bulge off.
I’m shocked and aroused to learn that Guido Genatto just got beaten by Jonny Firestorm for the title to Top Heel. I said that if anyone could do it, it would be Jonny. Guido is loud, and huge, and nasty, but Jonny just shut the Dirty Daddy up but good by taking the title.
Again, I say, fuck, yeah! At what point do we just name this the Kid Karisma award? I’m thrilled to be with the herd in getting behind (and I mean, close behind) Kid K’s glorious glutes for yet another year as Best Butt. I know of at least 2 former contenders who didn’t get nominated who are bitter as shit, but not me. I’m just leaning back, a little light headed, and soaking in the sight of the Eighth Wonder of the World, Kid K’s unsurpassed ass.
Again, I was consistent with the popular vote in calling Ty Alexander Top Jobber yet again. On the one hand, it’s a dubious distinction to be a Top Jobber repeat. No one exactly likes to lose, do they? On the other hand, a jobber of Ty’s quality can make even a train wreck of a match compelling. And I predict that if he keeps that bleach blond ‘do, he’ll get his ass spanked relentlessly yet again in 2017.
I hedged my bets big time in the Debut of the Year category, but true enough, my vote didn’t swing things Chase Addams’ way. Instead, it was one of the other hot newcomers I thought was in contention taking the title this year, rock hard Beauxregard. I love what he brings to the table, and I think all of BG East is better for it. I’m looking forward to seeing what big Beaux accomplishes in 2017.
Congratulations to Jonny and Calvin for taking the enigmatic title of Best Submission of 2016. I had my eye on another contender, but it’s not so surprising that the bad ass who just took the title as Top Heel would lock down the Best Submission follow up. And there’s no arguing that he fucking brutalizes doe eyed babyface Calvin.
A hearty congratulations to Kayden Keller and Debut of the Year winner Beauxregard on taking home the title for Sexiest Match of the year. It was a scorching hot field of contenders, and though I didn’t side with the majority on this one, there’s no denying they slapped down what was almost certainly the most explicit, sweaty, sexy assed heel on heel beatdown of the year. Well earned praise for KayK and a super hot haul for Beaux’s first year in the business.
I wasn’t playing coy with just how infatuated I was with this match, so I’m thrilled no end to see it take the Best Ring Match title. If even one of the four of these young studs was a weak link in the chain, a complex tag team melodrama like this could have easily been a dud. But every one of the wrestlers in this match earned every praise and every award it got. Now when do we get to see Team All-Americans tear into the tag team ranks again?
Kip Sorell got squashed like a bug by Flash LaCash, and fans picked it as the best of 2016. I’m generally lukewarm on this genre in general, but I get it. This is a hot match. My vote went elsewhere, but I’m so not in the mainstream when it comes to squashes in general, I’m not too surprised.
This was a close second choice for me, but I was irked not to get a chance to vote for what I thought was an even sexier Drake Marcos match. In any case, kudos to Drake and Ethan for nailing down this victory with gallons of sweat and tears and some damn fine mat wrestling. This was super competitive, brutal, and sexy as fuck.
I didn’t vote with the majority in this category, either, but there’s no denying the remarkable passion in that pumping, grinding, grunting make out session between Christian Taylor and Calvin Haynes. I’m thrilled to see both Christian and Calvin starring in multiple award winners this year. And when it comes to liplocks, really… is anyone a loser?
Chace continued to show off his blazing fan power with a win in the category of Best Spotlight. I had this as a third place on my score card, so I clearly broke with the herd. But the definition of a wrestler spotlight is fan power, so congratulations to Chace and all of the opponents who made this DVD a winner.
You don’t know how thrilled I am to see fans select the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19 as the Best Overall Match of 2016. It got universally rave reviews from all of us who take the time to blog about this stuff. I’m pleased as punch that fans were of like mind with us bloggers, and I hope it does nothing but push for more tag team matches, more selfies, and much, much more of Christian Taylor, Charlie Evans, Ty Alexander, and Chase Addams.
Congratulations to everyone who won, and to all the nominees. It was an outstanding year at BG East, precisely because everyone in front of the camera and everyone behind the camera did such an excellent job producing high quality homoerotic wrestling of that flavor that only BG East can quite manage. I would argue there are no losers here.
Tonight. Midnight. Submit your votes for the Best of BG East in 2016. I realize that I’m atypical when it comes to how many BG East matches I watch over the year, so this little voter’s guide is intended to help fill in any blanks some of you may have for lack of exposure to some of the nominees. If 2016 teaches us nothing else, it proves that nothing requires us to be educated and informed voters. However, if you prefer to vote based on something other than your cock’s reaction to one still photo, but you don’t have time to see the whole ballot of matches, feel free to consider my opinions for what they’re worth (which is relatively little, but a little more than voting with no basis whatsoever).
Let’s power through the remaining categories to finish off your ballot.
Best Mat Battle
It’s a little surprising to consider this match “from the vaults” for a 2016 award. Both Jonah and especially Cameron were so young in this match. It’s hard not to superimpose what we know about how Cameron grew up, muscled up, and launched his own production company since this match was taped. I loved this match immensely. It’s rough and raw. The boys clearly hate the fuck out of each other. Lovely, lickable twinks who may look like babies but wrestle like nasty back alley brawlers.
It’s a close call for me, but my vote goes to Kid K and Mason. Both of these beautiful boys are perennial favorites of mine, so I had very high hopes for this match going in. They didn’t disappoint, and in fact the intensity is even hotter, the bodies even more beautiful, and the mat wrestling drama even more compelling than I’d expected. It also helps that these hunks so enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s cocky and playful and reads like the hottest foreplay in history.
Similarly, I’ve never seen a match that includes JJ or Attila that fails to get me off. It’s a match up of an amateur mat champ and a ripped, acrobatic brawler. These are both thoroughbred athletes with massive egos, so the action is brutal and vicious. Not nearly as much erotic heat as Gazebo 18, but magnificent mat wrestling nonetheless.
The narrative behind Coop and Ryder’s mat tussle is great. Coop’s competitive amateur wrestling days seem so far behind him, since he’s been showing up as Dr. Cooper and dissecting opponents like a heart surgeon (aka, mercilessly) in the ring. So Jake seems to be unaware that Coop kicks ass on the mats as well. Ryder lies and cheats his way into putting the doctor into serious jeopardy, but in a lush mash up of babyface Austin and his Dr. Cooper heel alter ego, this mat battle turns nasty pro.
I’ve written a small novel about what this match does for me, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. What grabs me by the balls most is how both of these dazzlingly pretty boys show us something completely new. They’re gorgeous. The wrestling is completely ego driven. They’re gorgeous. The dialogue is sensationally sexy. They’re gorgeous. And the all in, vicous submissions are way more intense and work than I expect to see from supremely pretty boys like this. Oh, yeah, and they’re gorgeous.
Speaking intensity born of dislike, Drake and Ethan rip into each other with a passion that can’t quite be described with words. They’re mean to each other. They’re vicious and brutal. It turns sensationally sexy as the gear gets stripped, but not so much because they turn each other on, but because you get the impression that the final victory lap (after the pony ride) could very well be a domineering, taunting, sneering, contemptuous fuck. Buckets of sweat. A couple pints of tears. Lush bodies. This is a very close second choice for me.
We almost certainly all know what we like about liplocks. I like sweat, palpable passion, a tablespoon of aggression, and authentic lust. Here are your options.
I’m in an ethical dilemma when it comes to giving you a look at the first nominee for Hottest Liplock. BG East has an embargo on me sharing any of their pics that contain full frontal, and yet the only shots of this liplock include both wrestlers with their full-mast cocks in hand. So I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven for cropping out the bottom of this shot, to stay within the strictly PG requirements I’ve agreed to, despite having to drop the BG East copyright at the bottom of the photo. If this photo suddenly disappears and is replaced by a puppy, you’ll know that I have been asked, and as always I’ve agreed, to a request from the copyright holder to remove the image. All that fine print aside, this is a hot liplock, right?
Sensationally sexy liplock between Christian and Calvin. The authenticity is well-established long ahead of time, as they both telegraph all along that they are turning each other on. If you still doubt it, their rock hard cocks straining the pouches of their trunks should prove the point.
My vote goes to Drake’s kiss-‘n’-pin of gorgeous newbie Nino “Babyboy” Leone. It ticks off all of my boxes, including sweat, passion, simmering aggression, and what is quite obviously open lust. This is one of the most brutal matches this year, which makes the incredibly tender ending that much more dizzying. Squarely in the homoerotic sweet spot.
When it comes to quantity, Charlie and Blaine very well may have locked lips the most in their ginger-off in the backyard. I believe Blaine gets the award for popping Charlie’s (kissing) cherry first in his homoerotic wrestling career, but Charlie is quite clearly abundantly skilled in sucking face and using it as a defensive maneuver on the mats. For kissing as chess match move, I give this liplock a close second place on my ballot.
I get the impression that I am as big a fan of Chris Xaos as most of the rest of you are of Mike Martin. So between the two of us (you, me), we should be crazy for their scorching hot mat match this year. The liplock is more teasing than passionate, for my tastes. That said, I’d change my vote for a chance to stick my tongue down Chris Xaos’ throat (well, if he’s naked).
There’s nothing teasing about Christian and Jeremy’s passion at the end of their hot and rough mat match. This is a full on make out session, and it’s lathered in sweat, and it’s got a half a cup of aggression still playing out, and I fully believe these boys are into each other. Christian is the reigning kissing master at BG East, which may work against him this time around for the potential vote splitting with his liplock on Calvin.
Best Wrestler Spotlight
It seems like a testimony to a wrestler’s marketability to get an entire DVD release devoted to one person. So the three nominees this year for Best Wrestler Spotlight represent some major fan favorites.
Biff follows up with his victory as Debut of the Year last year with multiple nominations across the ballot, including for his Wrestler Spotlight. He’s compelling and gorgeous. I actually think the strength of this collection is in the quality of his opponents, though. You get the impression everyone wants a shot at this ridiculously hot beefcake. This is a very close second place for me.
Has anyone ever starred in 3 Wrestler Spotlight DVDs before? Although this collection tends toward showing off Coop’s work as a gorgeously bashable babyface, his mat match with Jake Ryder gives some awesome flashes of Dr. Cooper hanging out his shingle. The quality of his opponents is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlights, but Coop has emerged as such a fantastic, complex, competitive, multifaceted character, that I’m persuaded (just) to cast my vote for him.
Chace’s spotlight is sort of a retrospective of his career, featuring him as the go-go boy, the beefsteak, and the fitness model that he has been at different phases of his wrestling. His end of the bargain is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlight stars, which is to be expected considering these matches come from such drastically different parts of his career. Still, although there’s nothing to complain about, I enjoyed Coop’s cubed spotlight the best.
Best 2016 Overall Match
Now the free for all starts. I know well that fans are fierce about their favorites, and when comparing apples to oranges, there’s no pretense of objectivity or even a measurable standard to point to. Seven times out of 10, I’m biased toward ring matches. I tend to favor big personalities and hot bodies in equal measure. I like to be surprised. I like to be made to laugh. And it is essential that I get hard. With all those biases in mind, I’ll tell you how I see the field for Best of 2016.
First on the ballot is my pick for the Best Overall Match at BG East in 2016. It’s an instant classic. It’s sexy as hell. Two incredible debuts. Drama, drama, drama. Very high quality pro wrestling. Intramural rivalries. And dick pic selfies. It’s everything I could want in a match (except for a copy of those dick pics).
A very close second place for me is this masterpiece on the mats between Drake and Skrapper. If I’d had the option, I very well might have picked this over Mason and Kid Karisma for the Best Mat Battle, but alas, the nominating committee didn’t see fit to give me the chance. The wrestling is outstanding. The erotic tension is thick and juicy. And the boys are real and beautiful. The only edge TTT19 has on this for me is the full throttle pro ring vibe.
So put Drake in the ring with Kayden Keller, and you might think I’d be unable to resist. I resist, though. It swings hard for a slasher vibe, but doesn’t quite connect. TTT19 and Drake’s work in Matmen 26 hit the bullseye better. And then there’s Drake’s gear to consider (smh).
Watching cocky indy pro Kirk Donahue get trampled by a “mere” underground phenom like Dr. Cooper is guaranteed to tickle my funny bone and get me hard. This is a magnificent beatdown and totally worthy of a shot at the title, but it just didn’t get my vote.
That’s right, haters, Drake Marcos anchors a full half of the Best Match nominees this year! I recently referred to 2016 as the year of the rookie, but it may have to be rebranded as the year of Drake. The heat is scorching in his match with Ethan. And I do love seeing bully-Ethan face off against someone who gives it right back to him. But the raw rage and bitterness don’t quite put this match over Drake’s match with Skrapper for me, and neither quite persuade me to tip them over Tag Team Torture 19.
See all my comments above about why I voted for this as Best Mat Battle, and then remind yourself that this does not take place in a wrestling ring. It’s immensely satisfying, funny, fierce and brutal, and it gets extra points in my book for Mason’s perfect (perfect) choice in undergarments. But I’m still throwing my one, lone vote to the fierce foursome in TTT19.
The real winner is you and me, of course. Such a rich, entertaining, arousing body of work from BG East in 2016 is why BG East is the first place I go for that particular mix of homoerotic wrestling that keeps me satisfied. Congratulations to all of the nominees (except for Kirk). You are, every last one of you, gorgeous to watch mix it up in the ring, on the mats, and everywhere else that the Boss’ imagination takes us. Thanks for all of the distractions in 2016 that kept me from the abyss of absolute despair over current events
You only have until the end of the day Thursday to register your vote for the Best of BG East in 2016, so I’m going to power through the remaining categories for those waiting for the completion of this voter’s guide. As always, take it with a grain of salt. My opinions reflect nothing more than my opinions. Just vote. It’s supposed to be fun. All of these wrestlers are beautiful, and we’re lucky to get to enjoy their wrestling, so heap praises on all of them.
I’ve asked for clarification on this category before, but not really gotten any. The options are matches, but they aren’t all really submission matches, so the category isn’t best submission match so much. But we don’t get to vote on a particular submission within a match. I’m sure I’m over thinking it. In any case, I’ll keep my comments brief in the interest of getting through the remainder of the ballot before the polls close.
Two sensationally skilled indy pro wrestlers add up to incredible submissions. I was torn between including a photo of this Mexican Ceiling hold or Lucky’s gorgeous stretcher, hanging from the ropes and wrenching Dick every wrong way. Very top quality wrestling, with sensationally executed submissions.
The options for sensational submissions exponentiate when you throw three highly skilled indy pro veterans in the ring for a free for all. It’s hard to beat Guido’s simultaneous camel clutch on Brute and Boston Crab on Jonny for innovation and strength. This is my second favorite submission in the mix.
Submissions fly every which way between Drake and Ethan, so it’s hard to pick out just one to highlight. I’m partial to this gorgeous figure-4 face-smothering Ethan uses to put Drake out cold. Of course, two pony rides in this match sort of epitomize submission. Extremely hot back and forth in this battle.
Again, I’m not sure which one submission to highlight, but I’m pretty sure it’s one where Skip Vance is getting his skinny ass handed to him on a platter (because that’s pretty much every submission in this match). I do like everything about this particular submission hold featured here, with Paul applying scissors, a vicious hammerlock, and grinding Skip’s screaming face into the mat, all at the same time. Art, people. Art.
Again, so many options to choose from. I’ll call out Jonny’s leg choke, over the ropes, with a pec claw chaser, but I’m nearly as much a fan of the fish hook camel clutch. And the ball bashing. And the… wait. We’d better move on if I’m getting through this voter’s guide.
Now consider the submission possibilities with 4 wrestlers in the ring, often simultaneously. This is my vote for Best Submission mostly based on how blown out of the water I was by this out-of-nowhere gravity defying torture hold from debuting newbie Chase Addams. Chase calls this hold the Will Breaker, and you should hear 6’2″ Christian crumble like shattered glass when the devastating newbie trusses him up as if he’s been doing this for decades. My second favorite submission from this match is Christian and his tag team partner Charlie teaming up to squeeze a submission out of Ty Alexander with simultaneous face-to-crotch headscissors and a Boston Crab. Tag team wrestling done so, so right in this match.
Talk about open to interpretation. Actually, I suspect most of us gauge this category based on how successfully a match got us off. So that means the criteria is extremely subjective, and guessing who may win seems incredibly difficult.
Fuck, this match is sexy. Ty is nobody’s jobber in walking this pornboy through his pro wrestling paces. The match is explicitly and directly about sexual conquest from well before these two even make it to the ring. Surprisingly deep when it comes to the wrestling drama, this is an outstanding entry into the X-Fight lexicon.
Total newbie Calvin Haynes likes the look of Christian Taylor, so he initiates the hottest foreplay on the planet: wrestling. This is another erotic-forward match packed with the drama of two gorgeous, hot studs so obviously turned on by each other. The pool wrestling is brutal. The towel off is tender. And the bedroom wrestling finale is a magnificent combination of both.
At the beginning of the match, I thought this “loser gets shaved” things was a little gimmicky. About halfway through, in the middle of gallons of sweat, I was stunned by the intensity and balls out seriousness of the wrestling. By the end, this has always been about hot, steamy, lush passion, with a little side serving of tender loving to give it that sweet finish. I think this is my second place choice for Sexiest Match this year, but buckle up, because this is not the last you’ll see of Drake in this category.
That’s right, sabotaging his own success as only Drake can, he’s competing against himself for Sexiest Match in Ring Releases 4. Incredibly compelling match with equal parts scream queens, Hitchcock, and Bel Ami. My only complaint is Drake’s gear, which mercifully gets ripped off him soon enough in the match.
Hands down, the sexiest match of the year for me was Matmen 26, between Drake and Skrapper. The match is so aggressive. It’s so intense and brutal and it careens like a runaway train into sweat soaked erotic passion so authentically. I don’t think we see nearly enough full naked wrestling in this homoerotic industry, so the portion of the match that keeps charging ahead well after they both lose their gear is so satisfying. Even though I’m a big fan of both of these boys, this match took me by surprise by how totally compelling it was, and the erotic tension from start to finish is superb.
Best Ring Match
This match is what happens when you put a big, bulging pro wannabe in a ring with a bigger, more bulging, sensationally seasoned pro. The story practically tells itself, though you have to watch it to get the bait and switch that Kelly sells so remarkably successfully. Biff suffers so sensationally that it brings a tear to my eye. This is my second favorite ring match of the year.
Again, if you want an outstanding ring match, toss two extremely experienced indy pros into the BG East ring and insist they battle until one of them wins with a 10 count. Guido and Dolph classed up the place when it comes to quality ring wrestling and pro brutality. I love the grit and egos and battle of wills. Endurance sport with thoroughbreds like this is rare and gorgeous to watch.
And then there’s that magic again that you get when you toss a beefcake wrestling wannabe in the ring with a seasoned pro heel. I always, always have a bias toward homoerotic wresting that’s more homoerotic, so this is my second favorite ring match on the ballot. Bigger than life. Beautiful as hell.
Again, my vote goes to the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19. From the opening sequence in which Charlie Evans introduces himself to BG East by perfectly executing a Ginger Snap, to the corner to corner melodrama between the teams, to the magnificent intramural contest between Team Vanity to get their opponents to name which of them hurts them worse, to Chase’s Will Breaker, to this Beauty and Beast double team combo (by the good guys, no less), this match is packed with classic pro tag team wrestling with just the right amount of homoerotic flair to make me recognize it as our own.
And then there’s what comes from throwing two pretty boys who we’ve watched grow into this business tear into each other. I don’t think of either JJ or Chace as naturals in the ring, which makes the pace and power of this ring match such a pleasant surprise. Not nearly as homo or erotic as TTT19, still there’s a big BGE stamp on this match that comes from the way these two have developed under the guiding hand of the Boss.
And now, for your consideration, the combo of an experienced indy pro jobbing for yet another pretty boy who we’ve watched grow into a magnificent BG East-style pro. I’d almost considered voting for this on the off chance that giving more praises to matches in which Kirk gets clobbered would inspire more of the same in the future. But you don’t have to carry my grudge against Howdy Doody to see a lot to like in this match, not least of which is hot muscle domination, buckets of sweat, and big vs.little boy bashing.
My least favorite category, so I’ll say the least about it. I do love a good squash on rare occasions. Not nearly as often as a lot of you, clearly, because the industry pumps out so many more squashes than I can consume. But sure, on occasion, a one-sided total mauling of one hunk by another hits some sweet notes to savor.
Kip squashed like a bug. Gorgeous. I still say that Flash LaCash is far prettier than he seems to get credit for. But it’s hard to focus on the pretty when he’s such a devastatingly effective muscle heel.
You had me at “Kid Karisma.” If anyone can carry a squash narrative and keep me engaged, it’s Kid K. He is a fucking BEAST in this match. I’d say more, but it would mostly be about Kid K’s body. This would be my second choice for this category, if pressed to have one.
My vote goes to Trey and Thrash for a few reasons. First, Trey Dixon is a god. Doomed, but a god. Thrash is outstandingly compelling. He’s another incredible debut that could easily have deserved a spot on the ballot there as well. And finally, Thrash destroys Trey in order to own him. A lack of motivation sinks most squashes for me, so when Thrash starts signaling where all this beauty bashing is heading, I’m hooked. Fuck, more Thrash. More Trey Dixon. Please.
Maybe this is my second choice. I don’t know. I will say this match turned me into a big Kelly King fan. Huge push to Biff’s consideration for Top Jobber.
I have no idea what motivates Cybertron. He’s a magnificent specimen of a man, but honestly, he won this match against Mister E about 45 seconds in. But he doesn’t stop. Why is that? Why don’t I “get” squashes more than I do?
Okay, maybe this is my second place. Whatever. I will say that it’s a little shocking that these two sensational physiques got completely shut out of the body part categories. Though I did put Viggo up for my personal “Best Legs” contest. In any case, massive, mega squash, pretty on pretty.
You just have a few days left to cast your ballot for the best of BG East in 2016. Get on it! Still deciding? Let’s look at a couple more categories in this completely unofficial and totally biased voter’s guide.
Jobber of the Year
While I think we tend to reach a quick consensus about what a heel is, I think there’s a mushy definition of a jobber. Of course, the Besties don’t come with a definition of the categories, so you’re free to vote based on whatever inclination you have about what constitutes a jobber. I think of a jobber as a wrestler who is quite likely to lose his matches, even when the objective measures of likely success (experience, strength, skill) probably swing his direction. I think of a particularly accomplished jobber as one that not only loses, but sells it, suffering openly, accentuating the devastating moves of his opponent, conveying the melodrama of the ring by openly telegraphing every soul crushing, ego busting, dignity stealing moment in a way that elevates the story from fleeting fantasy to knock on the door of brutal reality. I think of skilled jobbers as those who make me wince a little when they scream out, whimper, or choke on the pain. A dominating opponent (whether heel or not) dishes up the dominating moves and holds. A skilled jobber serves it to us in its most delicious presentation possible. Like I said, though, you can cast your vote based on whatever definition or standards you look for in a Top Jobber. In any case, here are your choices.
Ty Alexander is back in contention to defend the title of Top Jobber that he won last year. In 2016, he wrestled in X-Fights 41, X-Fights 40, 3-Way Thrash 4, Tag Team Torture 19, and Demolition 19. While he wasn’t a jobber in all of those (particularly X-Fights 41), Ty once again got his ass crushed persistently, and his already outstanding skills at selling his own degradation have only improved with time. He regularly shows flashes of brilliance and dangerousness, which makes him a particularly compelling jobber for me. He doesn’t just get squashed. He gets conquered, beaten down into place, and he withers and writhes and sucks on his own humiliation beautifully. He was my pick for Top Jobber last year, and I have to say he’s head and shoulders above the rest of the field again this year, as far as I’m concerned.
Biff Farrell enters the race as the only full-on muscle jobber. Biff wrestled in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches in 2016. Like Ty, Biff is always dangerous. He isn’t a jobber because he’s instantly vulnerable and helpless. He sells a match because opponents have to work at it. They have to penetrate his impressive defenses. Biff makes them hurt along the way, but surely, inevitably it seems, his defenses do get penetrated. And then all those massive muscles start quivering and quaking and amounting to jack shit as his opponents beat the living fuck out of him like Stretch Armstrong. Personally, I’d love to see Biff turn the corner and shed the jobber mantle, because I think BG East could use some more full-on babyface heroes who can hold their own and keep the villains from taking it all for granted. But Biff has proven to be a huge talent in jobbing, and he has a ton of fans, so I suspect his unique set of assets could give Ty a run for his money this year.
Drake Marcos keeps getting nominated, but I would argue he’s quickly growing out of his jobber ways. In 2016, Drake wrestled in Undagear 25, 3-Way Thrash 4, Sexy Showdown 7, Matmen 26, and Ring Releases 4. I admit that I have often (and recently) teased Drake about being a jobber, but just between you and me, that’s mostly just because it gets a rise out of him. If we’re being honest, I think his 3-Way Thrash 4 match was the only one that I’d consider him a jobber in. In the rest, he’s too dangerous. He’s too competitive. While he continues to sell suffering in a league all his own, and despite the ongoing scarcity of checks in his victory column, he’s just too competitive anymore for me to entirely buy the inevitability of his defeat. Check out Sexy Showdown 7 and you’ll see what I mean. I’m hoping we see the Cheshire Cat really come into his own in 2017, not just making opponents look good, but shocking and awing his way into the respect he deserves, but has not been getting, including from me (well, mostly from me).
It’s hard to argue with the fact that Mr. E is a jobber through and through. In 2016, he wrestled in Masked Destroyers 1 and Demolition 21. When it comes to getting completely crushed, Mr. E is your man. He takes the high impact moves like nobody else. If there were levels to defeat, his would be the defeated-est of them all. The two knocks against him for the title this year, I think, are that he’s nearly in the realm of a doormat, and I don’t sense he has a huge following. I tend to think of Mr. E matches more like watching his opponents hitting the weights at the gym. They work out, flex, show off their muscles, and Mr. E is mostly just the relatively passive gym equipment. I’d love to see this kid rip off that mask and show us a few moves he’s picked up over the years of getting trounced. In the mean time, he’s a total jobber, just, possibly, too much so.
Kirk Donahue seems like a legitimate threat to unseat Ty as Top Jobber this year. Kirk wrestled in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18. Personally, I love watching him get his fair-to-middling quality ass beat over and over and over again, so his staking out territory in jobberville suits me just fine. He’s nearly too competitive, too accomplished to quite fit the jobber crown. He has more than a few flashes of brilliance when it comes to offense. But he also carries an undeniable vulnerability with him. He’s on the skinny side. His smirky cuteness is like a giant “hit me” sign stapled to his forehead. And that big, impressive bulge I’m voting for conveys a sense of inherent jeopardy to him. And when conquered, as he is consistently, his suffering is magnificent. My favorite move is when he’s dazed, totally fucked up, not knowing up from down, and he starts crawling for the door to get the fuck out of there. So when his opponent drags him by his hair back for more gratuitous violence, his screaming horror is simply gorgeous. I know he has indy pro fans, but I don’t know if there’s a big crossover of those guys and BG East fans. He’s a worthy candidate, but I have to think he’s a long shot.
Kip Sorell got steamrolled in 2016. He wrestled in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2. When it comes to the air of inevitability about his undoing, he’s got it in spades. The first time I see him not get squashed like a bug on a windshield, I will be deeply surprised. His salesmanship is decent, but not outstanding, particularly in this very accomplished field of candidates. He is ridiculously pretty, though, now isn’t he? And in Bestie voting, pretty seems to carry a whole lot of weight. Don’t get me wrong. I’d like to dip him in chocolate sauce and lick him clean. But I just don’t see him as making the most compelling case as Top Jobber this year.
Debut of the Year
Now things get really, really interesting. Yesterday I said that I thought the Top Heel category was the most competitive, perhaps the Best Body category coming in a close second. Debut of the Year is making a seriously hard run at the most competitive race, I have to think, because there were some sensational, highly memorable debuts this year for several young hunks who instantly grabbed fans by the balls. I love this race because it highlights the range of new talent BG East continues to recruit, from twinks to bears to boys to daddies, you could simply find your favorite kink and vote for that. If you take the category more seriously, though, you have to admit that there were several outstanding debuts leaving fans seriously hungry to see what these hunks accomplish in their sophomore year.
Chase Addams gets my vote for the debut of the year. He debuted in Tag Team Torture 19, and accomplished what very well may be a first in the business by immediately following up his debut match with a second match on the same DVD. I think featuring the same debut wrestler twice on one DVD is rare because newbies are so often a little weak in story telling. Newbies can be a little flat, a little light on personality, so putting them in back to back matches could easily draw attention to their.. .newbie-ness. Chase didn’t just hold his own in both his tag team debut and singles debut on the same release. He nailed it. We’ve got back story (“discovered” by Ty, brought into the business as the next generation of pro wrestling narcissists), and we’ve got character development (egos burn Team Vanity to the ground, and Chase wears his former mentor out in a barnburner grudge match). And that doesn’t even start to appreciate that Chase showed up, day one, with crazy ass torturous pro holds and a jaw dropping (literally) finisher. And, sure, I’m biased because Chase gave me his first interview and charmed the pants off me (again, literally). He’s young, lean, and hungry, and I think that the competition at BG East had better watch their backs when Chase enters the room.
Calvin Haynes caught a lot of attention in his debut this year in Wet & Wild 8, following it up a couple of catalogs later with getting absolutely dissected in Hunkbash 18. With that jawline and those muscles, Calvin could be a major threat in the babyface category for years to come. His debut against Christian Taylor was particularly charming for the erotic text. As a fresh, hot newbie, Calvin was unblinkingly explicit about his sexual interest in Christian. He wanted a piece of that dazzlingly pretty babyface, and he brought all of that hot and hairy muscle to the pool to earn it. My impression is that Calvin caught a lot of fans’ eyes, in no small part thanks to his muscled ass and big, bulging bulge (particularly when things turn intimately hot against Christian). There are simply not enough hot, hairy, musclebound pin-up boys in this business, and Calvin is a breath of fresh air. I’m guessing this may turn into a three-way race between Calvin, Chase, and …
Beauxregard nearly burned the ring up in his debut in 2016. He bookended the year with an initial debut in X-Fights 40 and then following up in the final catalog of the year with Dark Knights 13. I know that fans love him already. He’s massively muscled and hard as granite. He has a rock hard jaw and a deep, 6-packs a day rumbling bass. Just the look on Ty Alexander’s face when big Beaux stepped into the BG East ring for the first time said it all. This guy is instantly a phenomenon. He’s conveyed a lot less backstory than Chase. He isn’t as pretty as Calvin. But he’s a big, terrorizing muscle daddy from day one, which I know makes him a hot commodity among a major segment of fans. I would guess that either he, Calvin, or Chase will take the title.
Babyboy Leone showed up out of nowhere at the very end of 2016 and put up an incredibly hot debut in Sexy Showdown 7. He’s super lean and super gorgeous, and fur fans are wetting themselves over his Wolverine-esque coat. What particularly impressed me was just how game he was to work his ass off to stay competitive with a bigger, badder, much more experienced opponent. I get the impression that Bambino has just one speed, full throttle, and he didn’t waste a second of his debut figuring out whether this underground pro stuff is “real.” He just dug in deep and made himself at home on the mat, and all over every inch of Drake Marcos’ body. We already know he’s sly. Count him out and turn your back, and you’ll get your chest shaved (right Drake?). He’s not the only super lightweight newbie in this race, though, so between vote splitting and his hot off the presses debut, I’m guessing he’s a very long shot for taking this title. Fortunately for him, I’m sure One Direction would always take him back if this wrestling thing does pan out.
I first started interacting with Charlie Evans over a year ago, so he seems like an upperclassman in a field of plebes. However, it’s true that he debuted for BG East in Tag Team Torture 19 and then followed up in The Great Outdoors 2. Like Chase, Charlie did me the honor of granting me a newbie interview, and he had me rolling on the floor laughing. Also like Chase, Charlie is a devoted fan of pro wrestling as an institution. He knows the assets and liabilities he brings into a match, and he has a clear plan for using them both to his advantage. His earnestness and forthrightness have quickly earned him a fan following, and I suspect they very well could earn him a nod for Best Babyface in coming years. He takes a beating like no one else in this race, which could foreshadow some time in jobber purgatory in the near future, but honestly, I think Charlie’s fullest potential would be to take his super sexy, super lightweight body and slay some giants. He’s smooth and ginger to Nino’s hirsute and Mediterranean, so perhaps there may not be vote splitting there, after all. He has a solid social media presence already, which definitely could play into his favor. I still think he’s a long shot to pull ahead of Chase, Calvin and Beaux, but what do I know?
Okay, this will be the last time I say how delighted I am not be the only one captivated by gorgeous newbie Payton Meadows. His debut came in Undagear 25 early in the year, and his follow up occurred late in the year in Undagear 26. I know there’s a huge (you might say, swelling) base of fans for the drop dead gorgeous underwear model variety of wrestler like Payton. If you switch from still frame to video evidence, you’ll discover he is even sexier in motion. And as long as you have the volume on, you’ll also discover that he is a hilarious smart ass. There’s something extra sexy about even classic underground wrestling tropes delivered with a sultry, French Canadian accent, and happily, this clever hottie doesn’t just stick with the classics. If you’re committed to vote for the muscley pin-up boy type, but don’t like them hairy, then toss Calvin aside and saddle up with Team Payton. Even though pretty is so often king, I think Payton is a long shot for this title because his actual debut didn’t generate nearly as much buzz as his follow up, and I just don’t think the underwear model fans have quite fully discovered the magic that is Payton. Nonetheless, I’m praying to the homoerotic wrestling gods that 2017 is an even bigger year for him, and we get to see that phenomenal body, magnificent ass, and razor sharp wit in action much, much more.
So that’s my take on these categories. Don’t hate me if you disagree. Just make a compelling case for your picks in the comments below.
Damn, maybe we need to brand 2016 the year of the rookie! The vote was less robust, but still decisive in selecting BG East muscleboy Calvin Haynes as having the best ink in the business in 2016.
I have to admit, I’m a bit infatuated with the peekabo anatomy chart art up and down his big, bulging, bad ass left arm. I think it does precisely what fine body art should. Namely, it accentuates and draws attention to what is so impressive and attractive about Calvin’s bulging muscles, and it gives me a serious passion for getting a lot closer and studying every illustrated inch of him. Preferably coated in baby oil (purely for the aesthetics, of course).
The hunky blond beauty had a sizzling hot last quarter of the year, debuting in a sensationally sexy lust fest against Christian Taylor and then getting a magnificent pro beatdown in the ring like only Jonny Firestorm can deliver. He’s still an enigma as far as what lunch table he’ll be sitting at over the long haul. He has similar raw ingredients to be a beautiful beefsteak whipping boy like big, bulging, beautiful Biff Farrell. But he’s already making a name in the erotic end of the pool, demonstrating a carnal lust driven by the heat of wrestling competition that you just can’t fake. Like Sexiest Nipples winner, Chase Addams, the future looks pretty wide open for illustrated Calvin, and I hope the fan appreciation for his ink only contributes toward propelling him toward a sensationally successful 2017.
While I love Calvin’s ink (and pretty much everything else about him), he was not my personal choice for Best Ink of 2016. Of my top five favorites, my choice for the singular Best Ink was, actually, KARN.
Fuck, this beast fascinates me. I’ve been intrigued by him in still frame for a couple of years, but it was sinking my teeth into Wrestler4Hire this year that really made me into a full on fan. I love his intense, pro personality. I love his cocky, smirking, taunting humor in the ring. But damn, I am seriously passionate about his body, and, in particular, the extensive art on both arms and shoulders.
I’m pretty sure the color palette puts KARN over the top for me. Color, in and of itself, isn’t always going to make for superior ink. But in KARN’s case, oh fuck, yes. I am incredibly frustrated that the promotions he wrestles for (Wrestle4Hire and Can-Am, both, I’m pretty sure, via Cameron Matthews) do not provide some fan fueling, high def photos of him. Like a shooting star, I’ve only been able to admire him from some distance, most often less than crisp or detailed video captures, blurred by motion and implying even more magnificent beauty than can be actually seen with the naked eye. Please, oh please, homoerotic gods, put KARN in front of a professional quality digital camera, preferably in super briefs and nothing else (well, or less), and let me study this work of art in fanatical detail, please!
And since I’m lifting up my year end prayers to the homoerotic wrestling gods, I’ll just say that an autographed beefcake shot of KARN would help make this chilly, depressing end of 2016 turn significantly brighter in the new year.
I think I may have become too serious in the past 41 days or so. Sure, I believe the very fabric of our fundamental social contract as a modern society is unraveling. And, yeah, I have to acknowledge that I’ve been feeling happy not to have children to worry about suffering in the coming new world disorder. But there’ve got to be some reasons to smile these days. As if reading the secret thoughts of my darkest hours, a long-standing, anonymous, yet dependable friend suddenly reached out and dropped a boatload of candid, behind-the-scenes photos smuggled off the sets of BG East, starring some of the most sensationally sexy wrestlers on the planet taking a little off the cuff joy in life.
OMI (Our Man Inside) has long been aware of my pleasure at seeing candid images of the heroes, villains, and whipping boys who star in the homoerotic wrestling fantasies that I enjoy so much. Far too easily, we who are fans can forget that there are actual people behind the made-for-pro wrestling characters and storylines that we tune in for. Too often, we take our prerogatives as consumers too literally. We collapse the people who put in the time to craft their bodies for wrestling sport entertainment into the products they star in. So we too often feel free to critique not just the products, but the people. We act as if it’s our right, from the anonymity of our side of the computer screen, to trash people based on our tastes and preferences in wrestling entertainment, dismissing the people themselves as worthless if we judge their wrestling products or performances to be uninspiring. I delete comments from the pages of this blog when I think they’ve stepped over that line, because that’s not what this blog is about. People can, and do, do that anywhere and everywhere else on the internet. This blog is about celebrating the industry, promoting the best of what I enjoy in homoerotic wrestling, and encouraging producers and wrestlers alike to continue to titillate and innovate for a homoerotic wrestling sensibility.
So I particularly enjoy these candid shots that give just a glimpse of the men behind the masks (whether literal or figurative). I know that there are some who would likely prefer not to see behind the curtain. I respect that. But these rare glimpses of these hot hunks’ humanity make me love this industry even more.
We don’t have to like them all. Fuck, that’s the whole point really. Some of the hottest wrestling happens when hunky characters who I despise lie, cheat, and steal their way into contention in the ring. The rules of polite (straight) society do not apply in the homoerotic wrestling universe in which these magnificent men show up and throw down, putting bodies and egos and sometimes even their asses on the line in these Greek melodramas that we enjoy so passionately. In that world, these men can fly. They can be broken to pieces and pick themselves right back up and battle on with nothing but sheer will stitching them together. In that world, they’re devious and diabolical. They’re naive and gullible. They’re virtuous to a fault and psychologically flawed to perfection. In that world, they may or may not even be aware that we are crushing on them, debating about them, pulling for or rooting against them. They are apart from us, operating by different rules, and the distance can make us imagine that our estimation of them, in this world, also need not abide by conventions of common decency.
But in this world, they’re guys like you and me. Well, guys who probably work out more, eat better, and, if they’re any good, train to wrestle beyond what 99% of fans ever do. But in my experience, they’re just guys, most of whom are charming and complex, a patchwork of pride and insecurity, just like all of us who are afflicted by this human condition.
And in these waning days of 2016, I could probably use with more glimpses of genuine humanity. I wish every one of these smiling studs success and good fortune in the coming year. I want them to know that they are appreciated, even beyond being adored by those of us who are fans. When they’ve peeled their bruised and battered bodies off the mats, when the cameras are off and the street clothes are on, when they clock into their day jobs where people don’t even know that they are phenomenally sexy fantasymen with superhuman strength and skill when they strip their hot bodies down to supertight trunks, I hope their lives are filled with happiness. They are beautiful and brave, powerful and provocative. They’re terrifying and titillating, inspiring and inciting. They turn us on and transport us to a world in which our fantasies of gorgeous gladiators locked in erotic combat play out, live action, before our very eyes.
Wrestlers, when you’ve had your spine snapped in an OTK backbreaker and punched in the testicles until you’re a screaming, writhing mess on the mat, after you’ve gotten us off with your beauty and your might, I hope the world is kind to you in the coming year. Thanks for smiling. ~Bard
For over six years I’ve been anointing Homoerotic Wrestlers of the Month to celebrate the new release additions to the homoerotic wrestling canon and, hopefully, help promote a lively, creative, innovative industry. In that time, there have been 68 award winners. A select few have been repeat HWOTM title holders, and a very rare breed of wrestler has managed to earn the title on three different occasions. Today, I call up one more fine example of homoerotic wrestling greatness to take that 3-peat title and lord it over the rest of the wannabes. Winner of homoerotic wrestler of the month for a sizzling hot performance in a new release in the month of October is…
I’ve already reviewed in detail what I think works so well about Wet & Wild 8, so I’ll just reiterate a few points about why Christian continues to tantalize and fascinate me. First, Christian turns heads. He’s just so fucking pretty that rookie beefcake Calvin Haynes is, quite literally, licking his lips with excitement at discovering that he’s alone with the dazzlingly handsome veteran. Calvin strategically maneuvers his magnificent physique in between Christian and the Florida sun he’s attempting to bathe in until he gets his attention. Calvin has been casing the joint inside and out for a couple of minutes to verify that the BG East South compound has been temporarily abandoned by everyone else in town at the moment. “Looks like we’ve got the place to ourselves,” Calvin says with just a little excitement shining through, despite the rookie’s obvious attempt to look cool. Christian lets that hang in the air for a few pregnant seconds, peeling his long, luscious body off the chaise and getting up in the muscle rookie’s face. He fucking towers over him. “What are you going to do about it?” Christian asks, flaunting that extravagant sex appeal that’s so obviously already turning Calvin on.
The BG East website says Christian is 6’2″ tall. I’m sure they’re right, but I walk away from every Christian Taylor match remembering him as even taller. The way he wraps this long, lean limbs around Calvin accentuate his incredible reach and flexibility. He looks like an anatomy chart painted a mile long. Beefy Calvin dwarfs him in muscle thickness, and still it’s that luxurious expanse of Christians gorgeous, smooth, pale body stretched out, squeezing, flexing and bearing down that slaps the big, bulging rookie into the background.
I also love Christian’s vulnerability. In a homoerotic wrestling universe with so many huge bodybuilders sucking the air out of the room, Christian is both delicate and dangerous. He’s clearly an athlete. “You’re stronger than you look,” even muscle rookie Calvin has to admit. Christian confesses he’s been a competitive swimmer, perhaps explaining the tide-tipping advantage he rides to the end of the pool portion of Wet & Wild 8. But Christian also suffers. Inevitably, he sucks on some agony, particularly when he’s outmuscled and tossed around by the likes of Calvin Haynes and his big, hard, hairy pecs. I believe the teeter-tottering balance of power in this match because Christian sells suspense. He takes punishment like a studied pro. AND he can deploy his long, strong, gorgeous muscles to convincingly milk some humiliation and begging out of an amorous muscle stud like Calvin.
Christian is always a contender also because he effortlessly dials up the homoeroticism in every match I’ve seen him. It’s not just that moment that he grabs the rookie by the hair and drags his beefy ass out of the pool saying, “Come with me, big boy. We need to take this somewhere else.” It’s also his generous offer to towel off the competition, getting a more appraising angle on those “tree trunk” thighs and meaty pecs of the rookie. Christian then hands Calvin a towel and holds open his arms, inviting a payback towel down, “if you don’t mind.” The enthusiasm in Calvin’s reply speaks to the devoted fan following Christian has earned for years. “Not at all, not with that body!” Calvin gushes, slowly pressing the terrycloth across every long, long inch. Slowly, he drags the towel down the length of Christian’s torso. Calvin squats low, dabbing off every drop of water down the mile long legs in front of him, letting his face linger right in Christian’s ass. “Not a bad view,” the rookie coos. Fuck, we can go a long, long time between seeing homoerotic wrestlers appreciate each other’s bodies. It’s about fucking time someone was absolutely gagging for Christian Taylor’s gorgeousness.
The last third of this match is a foreplay wrestling session on a bed inside the BG East compound. My heart pumps extra hard as the camera hovers so close by. The boys start grinding, squeezing, plowing into each other. Big Calvin slides Christian into bodyscissors, crushing the veteran’s lean torso and grinning ear to ear at the sound of his loud, cracking slaps pounding down into Christian’s ass. “You like that!?” Calvin asks. It’s a rhetorical question. Homoerotic wrestlers ask each other this question about 30 times per match (I’m estimating, here). It’s a question asked in order to make a statement (i.e., you’re fucking hating this!). It’s intended to humiliate, to defy a wrestler’s masculine impulse to underestimate his agony, to not show his vulnerability. It’s meant to make a statement, not to be answered.
But the icy cool veteran answers anyway. “Actually, I do.” And fuck. I’m chuckling and so turned on and completely sucked into the careening sex play this is turning into because Christian Taylor doesn’t just like to wrestle. He doesn’t just enjoy shoving his tongue down another hunk’s throat. He convinces me all over again that he is turned on precisely because of the wrestling, because of the precise dosage of pain and punishment, give and take, domination and submission, power and beauty.
Not to belabor that same point, but there’s a moment where the furious sprint to the finish is just about to take them hurtling right over the edge. Christian has the momentary advantage, which at this point simply means that he’s literally on top and at the steering wheel of the careening bus. He stretches his super long, smooth, sexy self out over top of Calvin and slowly flexes his glutes, as if in slow motion grinding his swollen cock into the muscle rookie’s raging erection. Calvin is blinking rapidly, like he’s a little lightheaded, which considering the vascular redirection happening in his cock, makes sense. He hungrily laps at Christian’s nipples. Christian dives down and kisses the rookie’s mountainous biceps. Harder they grind, with the camera (i.e., you and me) right up in there, practically close enough to feel the inferno heat of their fully aroused bodies working up friction. Christian thrusts his hips forward, crushing their cocks together, as the veteran bends his long neck forward to suck aggressively on the rookie’s nipples. “Mmmmmm,” Calvin groans, eyes closed, completely under Christian’s spell, “you’re sexy!”
“Not so bad yourself,” Christian murmurs as he slides to the other pec and starts going to town on Calvin’s other nipple.
While I’m instantly a fan of Calvin Haynes, particularly that magnificent ass and the hot ink, this match is a perfect example of what almost no one does as steadily, convincingly, and successfully as Christian Taylor. That body. Those eyes. That coverboy jawline. And an unblinking long-distance race to an unabashed erotic conclusion hits every homoerotic wrestling kink button I’ve got. I’d say the third time is a charm, but with Christian Taylor, every time is charming, deep down sexy, and incredibly satisfying. He could easily become the first 4-peater in the HWOTM annals with the quality and quantity of homoerotic wrestling he puts out there. In the mean time, he takes a step forward and joins the rarified ranks of three-time award winners, and becomes around these parts, once again, my Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month.