Sex Appeal

A recurring theme here has been my perpetual self-reflection on what it is about homoerotic wrestling that speaks to me. A regular point of perseveration has been what makes a wrestling match particularly “homoerotic.” I can get off on mainstream straight pro wrestling probably almost as much as the next guy, but my bread and butter continues to be this particular industry marketed specifically to gay men. And I know that within this industry, there are straight wrestlers, and the erotic heat that emanates from a lot of matches is what I’m bringing to it as a viewer. And I’m okay with that, as long as the whole interaction effect isn’t cloaked in a closeted wink-wink, where the producer and we know that this is marketed with a gay eye in mind, but the whole thing is kept strictly on the straight side of the fence so that a fan can exercise plausible deniability if they’re caught with an incriminating browser history (“I was just checking out some underground pro, bro”). Yawn.

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Richie Douglas won this match the moment he realized how much Goren Ford wanted his body.

But it also isn’t just an issue of wrestlers pulling out their porn-ready cocks and wrestling hard and naked. Though there’s nothing wrong with that, as far as I’m concerned. In fact, I’m advocating for more straight forward naked wrestling, not just the last 2 minutes of a match before it devolves into out of control face sucking (not that I have any problem with that, either!). But what I key off of isn’t just the explicit homoeroticism of naked bodies, by any means. There’s this sweet spot right in the middle of straight-up pro with me supplying all of the erotic subtext, and hardcore porn with a clumsy grapple as appetizer.

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Chase Addams puts his finger right on the sweet spot.

It’s sexy because of intention and attention. Like when a wrestler acknowledges that his opponent looks hot. The phrase, “Nice ass,” or “sweet pecs,” is pure gold when it comes to dialing a match squarely into the territory that grabs me hard. Of course a “no-homo” disavowal will totally kill that buzz, but happily I see less and less of that in the wrestling I watch these days. They don’t have to get their dicks out. Just notice, appraise the obvious assets of an opponent, and you’ve drawn me into the match. I’m invested 10 times more if the wrestlers state the obvious fact that they are both gorgeous specimens. I never see this in straight-up pro (not that I watch it much anymore), and I think it’s an angle that’s probably even more disruptive of heteronormativity than even getting your gear ripped off. Guys look at guys. Guys appreciate guys. Guys can be turned on by getting their hands on guys. The eroticism peaks long before (and even in the absence of) any cum being added to the recipe.

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Giant Killer Baby Boy Leone pushes Calvin Haynes buttons.

I’ve mentioned before that I regularly push rewind around the time I get to more explicit sexual content at the end of harder-core matches. Like when I was following Naked Kombat, I would skim over the sex round to see if anyone comes close to Rusty Stevens’ perfect mix of corporal punishment, humiliation, and wrestling domination (naked pony rides, leg scissor armbars used like an accelerator pedal to taunt, tease, and torment a loser by commanding them to jack off just shy of orgasm again and again). The fucking itself, even the acrobatic, artistic fucking of professional porn stars who somehow are able to stretch and maneuver into positions that I’m pretty sure would dislocate multiple joints if I attempted them, comes across as downright pedestrian to me. The erotic heat is the sweat-inducing wrestling competition. It’s the suspense and the battle. It’s the passion to dominate knowing that the loser is going to get fucked, rather than the loser getting fucked, in and of itself.

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Lauden worships the mat Drake beats him on.

So I love the story of a wrestler having to battle with his own lust to stay focused on beating his opponent. The erotic offense of one hunk destroying his opponent’s defenses with a nibble of the ear or a stroke of his hot body strikes me as the height of homoerotic. There’s a fantastic, frustrating, intensely provocative tease near the end of some matches where the lines between competition and giving in to total lust get so blurred that I can’t tell what’s an openly erotic trap and what’s just mutual submitting to the intimate passion of bodies grinding into bodies. So when one wrestler is ready to just get down to hooking up, and the other is just playing along long enough to snap shut a sleeper, or pound out a finishing OTK, or slip on a knee-breaking figure-4 leglock for the final, screaming, totally vulnerable submission, fuck that puts me over. Whipping out cocks and sucking and fucking at that point is totally vanilla, as far as I’m concerned. I’m pushing rewind to watch that look of shock wash across the loser’s face when he realizes his lust just walked him by the nose into becoming the property of his new master.

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Skip Vance dials up homoerotic heat with Hawk Rodman

My tastes are broad and varied. I can get off on a wide spectrum of homoerotic content, from barely implied by the copyright holder to blistering hot fuck stakes consummated. But that sweet spot that I crave most in the middle of the normal distribution is unmistakable, and yet resists the easy out of sliding too quickly into hardcore porn. It’s an open nod to me, the audience, and an intentional grappling with the erotic potential between two smoking hot hunks hell bent on dominating one another. It’s a look, a groan, a nibble, a slap, a gasping grope, an unfocused reverie. It’s stating the obvious, that two barely clad studs pounding, grinding, and crushing into one another is potently intimate and powerfully arousing. Guys like guys. Wrestling ensues….

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Mason Brooks profoundly enjoys beating Ty Alexander’s ass.

Typical Canadian, eh?

In all honesty, I admit that I sometimes engage in borderline stalking to line up an interview. Nothing too creepy.  At least, I hope not. But I sleuth around a bit to try to finagle contact information for a wrestler I’m wanting to chat up (for journalistic purposes, of course). So, sometimes my interviews emerge from what feels like a lot of effort, tedious legwork, and more than a hefty dose of flattery and persuasion to get a hunk to let me pepper him with questions. But then again, sometimes it just seems to happen organically. Show up someplace. Someone looks familiar, but I’m struggling to put my finger on how I recognize him. Start up a chat, and next thing I know, I discover that I’m already enjoying getting to know a hot hunk who also just happens to appear stripped to next to nothing and working up a sweat in wrestling competition on a homoerotic wrestling site I frequent. It was more that second scenario that landed me a delightful on-the-record interview with none other than BG East babyface badboy, the rosy cheeked Canadian, Hawk Rodman. He’s relatively new to the scene, thus my delayed recognition. I admit to being more than a little curious about Hawk, based on his wrestling resume at BG East and some backstory provided by the BGE website. Since I’ve written my share of those BGE website match descriptions, I know for a fact that they can sometimes include some strategic embellishments of wrestlers’ histories, so I was fascinated to see how well the PR lines up with the man named Hawk. Once we sorted out how our world’s overlap, this was how the conversation went when he agreed to go on the record:

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Baby faced badass, Hawk Rodman

Bard: Hawk Rodman, I’m always excited to get the chance to talk to an up-and-comer at BG East. In your match with Skip Vance, he mentions that you’re Canadian. How does someone from notoriously well-mannered, low-key Canada find his way into the brutal, nasty, vicious world of BG East wrestling?

Hawk: Good question. When I became aware and fell in love with all aspects of BG, I emailed the Boss and told him how much I love the matches BG offers. He promptly wrote back and we connected in a chatroom. After much chatting he invited me to Pembroke to film some matches.

Bard: The match description online for your debut match against Jonny Firestorm says that you intended from the start to build a career as a heel. What attracts you about the role of a pro wrestling heel?

Hawk: Being a heel comes naturally to me, despite my low-key upbringing. I have a dominant streak that must be satisfied and usually does. People often don’t catch on to that side of me, but they learn quickly.

Bard: I could definitely see that. I hope you don’t mind me saying that you have a handsome, baby face, so it’s that much more exciting to watch you lick your lips and really sink your teeth into little Skip Vance in your Wrestle Shack match. Does it work in your favor, when opponents don’t recognize how badass you are at first?

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You want to pinch those adorable cheeks, don’t you? I dare you.

Hawk: Well, thank you. I enjoyed sinking my teeth into little Skip. He was a great opponent and sexy as hell. Oftentimes, it does work in my favor, and other times I get my ass beat, like with Jonny.

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Wrecked by the best

Bard: Damn, you got mauled by Jonny! What an epic beat down! Were you rethinking this whole foray into BG East wrestling by the end of that match?

Hawk: Oh, hell no! I had my ass served to me on a platter, but wouldn’t trade it for anything. Have to be able to take it as well and dish it out.

Bard: Well, the beating you take in that match is breathtaking to watch. Jonny is in rare form, and you just keep egging him on. Even when you concede, you’re swearing at him. Did you pick up any of Jonny’s deep bag of tricks on the receiving end of that beat down?

Hawk: Jonny is one of a kind! I was more focused on surviving that match and coming out in one piece!

Bard: Were you so focused on surviving that you weren’t even aware of just how hot Jonny’s body is? Because I could swear I noticed you copping a feel of his hot ass on more than one occasion, which, frankly, I think is pure genius.

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Hawk samples Jonny’s ass

Hawk: (laughing) I was more than aware, and, yes, I was sampling that hot ass. I may have been down, but not dead.

Bard: (laughing) Genius! Any wrestler who has his wits about him enough to get the shit kicked out of him and still grab a hot ass in the process is my hero! I also don’t know that I’ve ever seen Jonny’s bulge so… bulging as it was in your match with him. How was it for you, when he was schoolboy pinning you and slapping down that massively stuffed pouch across your face?

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Punishmentreward

Hawk: It felt more like a reward as opposed to the humiliating pin that it was. I certainly wasn’t complaining!

Bard: Although it was a very different match, I also didn’t get a sense that you had any complaints about your match with Skip Vance, either. The sexual tension in the wrestle shack was palpable before you two even started wrestling!

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Instant sexual tension

Hawk: Yes we could taste the tension, and I was very eager to own him! He has quite the super twink body with a hot little ass.

Bard: It was fabulous to see your darker side in this match. Again, you’ve got that baby face, and then that’s such a contrast to when you really start to bully Skip. A couple of times you grab him by the back of the neck and toss his skinny body into a wall, and it’s so sexy to watch. Does taking ownership of an opponent like that turn you on?

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Hawk grabs his prey

Hawk: That “dark side,” as you put it, is my true self shining through. Dominate your opponent and own him, as much as the match permits. Yes, it does turn me on.

Bard: I’ve got a little trigger response to hearing Skip cry in pain, so you can just imagine how aroused I was throughout that match. He’s most definitely no pushover, though. He’s scrappy and surprisingly strong for his size. Is it hotter for you when an opponent makes you work that hard for it, or would you just as soon squash him like a bug and take possession of your prize?

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Hawk takes possession

Hawk: Definitely just squash him like an insect and take ownership! That rarely happens though. The one-sided squash isn’t that common especially for new guys. You have to show what you’re made of, what you can bring to the ring. Often times you’re wrestling a hotter opponent, and if you can make him look good, hopefully he will return the favor. As long as I win more than I loose.

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“Fuck you, I can’t breathe!” You think I want you to breathe?!

Bard: Well, I would not be one to argue that you are an ounce less hot than Skip. And when you are really plowing into him near the end, totally in control, wearing him the fuck out, you are sensationally hot to watch dominating him. There’s this moment where you’ve just choked him to yet another whimpering, crying submission, and he bitches at you about not being able to breathe. You literally slap him in the face and ask, “You think I want you to breathe!?” Right at that moment, you can watch Skip’s smart ass, fun-and-games clowning around come to a screeching halt. … I’m supposed to be asking you a question here, but I’m realizing that I just want to fawn a little bit over how sexy you are in the saddle!

Hawk: Glad you liked the match. It was a lot of fun to wrestle him! I think it was a good showcase for both of us.

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Fabrice got a handle on Hawk!

Bard: And speaking of your win-loss record, your most recent match against Fabrice was a nail-biter to the very bitter end. You struggled against his super sexy, incredibly lean body to generate some momentum. How was Fabrice able to derail you?

Hawk: He was another great opponent. It was a good back and forth match, and I will admit that he won, although I want a rematch ASAP. I may have been a bit overconfident and mildly distracted by his tight body.

Bard: Fabrice has got to know that his ass comes nowhere close to being contained in those ultra skinny tights of his, doesn’t he? Is he intentionally distracting, or is it possible he doesn’t know just how hot he is?

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“He’s quite modest and humble…”

Hawk: He’s quite modest and humble, and I think he might not know just how hot he is. He’s seems to gravitate towards those skin tights, though (laughing).

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Hawk’s ass belongs to Fabrice… this time.

Bard: It’s pretty sensational to watch Fabrice celebrate his victory by climbing on and grinding into your sexy ass, but I have to admit that I’m partial to watching you at the end of your match with Skip, thrusting crotch-to-crotch and sucking his tonsils out. Since you have your eye on your win-loss record, who else would you like to pound into whimpering, slack-jawed submission at BG East?

Hawk: A have a few in mind. Payton Meadows, MJ Vergara, Kirk Donahue, Charlie Evans, Kid Karisma, Christian Taylor and Brad Rochelle. I’ll have my hands full with a few of those…

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Payton Meadows is a handful

Bard: You will! And you have impeccable taste. Payton Meadows is another dazzling hunk who made a huge impression on me last year. I think I remember from the match descriptions online that Payton is another Canadian. Do you and he travel in the same circles?

Hawk: Yes, we do. I’d say chances are high that we could meet this summer. He is incredible! I have a few ideas that I want to float by him, to make it as hot as possible!

Bard: Incredible, to say the least! Talk about distracting! Please tell me this “meeting” will be on camera, because I am dying to see someone appreciate his muscled ass the way it so abundantly deserves.

Hawk: Certainly hope so! There’s so much of him to appreciate, too.

Bard: Your first three matches have been remarkably different, in outcome and in style. Do you see yourself more as a ring wrestler or a mat wrestler at this point in your career?

Hawk: More of a mat wrestler, mainly because I hardly ever get experience in the ring! Hopefully that will change this summer…you never know.

Bard: So, the longer we talk, the more I keep marveling at how easy going and low key you are. So Canadian! Would the people you interact with, day in and day out, ever guess that you are actually a hot, fierce, erotic wrestler who gets off on conquering and claiming opponents?

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Typical Canadian, eh?

Hawk: Only my best friend knows that. The calm, quiet side of me is what I am known for. Typical Canadian eh?!

Bard: Well, this Yankee’s stereotype of a typical Canadian. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions about your body?

Hawk: Go right ahead.

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Hawk beefs up

Bard: Well, let me start by saying it’s hot as fuck. You’re significantly beefier in your most recent match with Fabrice than in your older matches with Jonny and Skip. Are you intentionally building muscle mass for the mat?

Hawk: Thanks for saying that. I’m trying to build mass in general; not an easy feat when you are naturally lean. Although it does come in handy on the mat!

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Muscle and mass come in handy

Bard: That’s exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if you’re facing down Charlie Evans or MJ Vergara, you could be super lean and still completely physically dominate, at least when it comes to sheer size. But Brad Rochelle or Kid Karisma or even Christian Taylor have enough weight and height advantage to make being lean a tough row to hoe for an aspiring heel like you.

Hawk: Exactly my thinking! Christian has the height working for him, but it would be a fair fight. I’d have to play dirty if I wanted a decent shot at Brad and Kid K! No problem there.

Bard: God, I love the sound of that. There are quite a few hot muscleboys on your wish list. Do you have a “type” that you prefer?

Hawk: I suppose a good, defined body to beat on and torture, is what I prefer. Not too fussy.

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Kid Karisma has “a good, defined body to beat on and torture!”

Bard: So let’s say you’ve got Kid Karisma beaten down. First of all, an incredibly rare accomplishment, but for the sake of argument, let’s jump to that point in the match. The momentum is all yours, but he hasn’t conceded yet. He’s still a smart ass. Still talking trash and refusing to accept the inevitable. What would be your go-to submission hold to wring a screaming submission out of Kid K’s divinely muscled body?

Hawk: Good choice in victims! I would have to keep it simple and go with a camel/choke combo. Tighten it and relax just before a tap, repeat three times to wear him down to submission. Then take advantage of him, strip him, get naked myself and have some fun, cock to cock and liplocked.

Bard: Fuck! I swoon. You are so completely blowing me away. On the one hand you come across so charming and unassuming, downright demure. Then you scratch just beneath the surface and there’s this magnificently hot, aggressive, hungry grappler who can’t wait to get his hands (and the rest of your body) all over an opponent. The boys at BGE have no idea what’s in store for them, do they?

Hawk: Some of them don’t.

Bard: I cannot wait to watch you tear someone apart again. I know you said you aren’t fussy, but I’m hoping to see you get your hands (and lips) all over some serious BGE muscle. And I will personally start a GoFundMe page to pay you a bonus to be the first to strip Kid Karisma naked and grind him into the mat!

Hawk: It gets better and better! I love destroying some serious muscle!

Bard: I predict great things for you, Hawk Rodman. Is there anything else that you think fans should know about you, in order to understand what makes you tick?

Hawk: I think you covered all the bases. I’ve enjoyed chatting with you!

Bard: It’s been a huge pleasure for me. You’re generous with your time and kind with my fawning appreciation. You’re polite and articulate. All that, paired with a scorching hot compulsion to erotically dominate an opponent, makes you a sensational wrestler to watch. Thanks for your time!

Hawk: You’re more than welcome. Stay in touch!

Bard: Count on it.

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Looking forward to watching Hawk climb back in the saddle soon!

And the Nominees Are…

You only have until the end of the day Thursday to register your vote for the Best of BG East in 2016, so I’m going to power through the remaining categories for those waiting for the completion of this voter’s guide. As always, take it with a grain of salt. My opinions reflect nothing more than my opinions. Just vote. It’s supposed to be fun. All of these wrestlers are beautiful, and we’re lucky to get to enjoy their wrestling, so heap praises on all of them.

Best Submission

I’ve asked for clarification on this category before, but not really gotten any. The options are matches, but they aren’t all really submission matches, so the category isn’t best submission match so much. But we don’t get to vote on a particular submission within a match. I’m sure I’m over thinking it. In any case, I’ll keep my comments brief in the interest of getting through the remainder of the ballot before the polls close.

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Ring Wars 25 – Dick Rick vs. Lucky Loko

Two sensationally skilled indy pro wrestlers add up to incredible submissions. I was torn between including a photo of this Mexican Ceiling hold or Lucky’s gorgeous stretcher, hanging from the ropes and wrenching Dick every wrong way. Very top quality wrestling, with sensationally executed submissions.

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3-Way Thrash 4 – Jonny Firestorm vs. Brute Baynard vs. Guido Genatto

The options for sensational submissions exponentiate when you throw three highly skilled indy pro veterans in the ring for a free for all. It’s hard to beat Guido’s simultaneous camel clutch on Brute and Boston Crab on Jonny for innovation and strength. This is my second favorite submission in the mix.

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Undagear 25 – Drake Marcos vs. Ethan Andrews

Submissions fly every which way between Drake and Ethan, so it’s hard to pick out just one to highlight. I’m partial to this gorgeous figure-4 face-smothering Ethan uses to put Drake out cold. Of course, two pony rides in this match sort of epitomize submission. Extremely hot back and forth in this battle.

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Gazebo Grapplers 18 – Paul Hudson vs. Skip Vance

Again, I’m not sure which one submission to highlight, but I’m pretty sure it’s one where Skip Vance is getting his skinny ass handed to him on a platter (because that’s pretty much every submission in this match). I do like everything about this particular submission hold featured here, with Paul applying scissors, a vicious hammerlock, and grinding Skip’s screaming face into the mat, all at the same time. Art, people. Art.

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Hunkbash 18 – Jonny Firestorm vs. Calvin Haynes

Again, so many options to choose from. I’ll call out Jonny’s leg choke, over the ropes, with a pec claw chaser, but I’m nearly as much a fan of the fish hook camel clutch. And the ball bashing. And the… wait. We’d better move on if I’m getting through this voter’s guide.

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Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans and Taylor

Now consider the submission possibilities with 4 wrestlers in the ring, often simultaneously. This is my vote for Best Submission mostly based on how blown out of the water I was by this out-of-nowhere gravity defying torture hold from debuting newbie Chase Addams. Chase calls this hold the Will Breaker, and you should hear 6’2″ Christian crumble like shattered glass when the devastating newbie trusses him up as if he’s been doing this for decades. My second favorite submission from this match is Christian and his tag team partner Charlie teaming up to squeeze a submission out of Ty Alexander with simultaneous face-to-crotch headscissors and a Boston Crab. Tag team wrestling done so, so right in this match.

 

Sexiest Match

Talk about open to interpretation. Actually, I suspect most of us gauge this category based on how successfully a match got us off.  So that means the criteria is extremely subjective, and guessing who may win seems incredibly difficult.

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X-Fights 41 – Ty Alexander vs. Steven Ponce

Fuck, this match is sexy. Ty is nobody’s jobber in walking this pornboy through his pro wrestling paces. The match is explicitly and directly about sexual conquest from well before these two even make it to the ring. Surprisingly deep when it comes to the wrestling drama, this is an outstanding entry into the X-Fight lexicon.

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Wet & Wild 8 – Christian Taylor vs. Calvin Haynes

Total newbie Calvin Haynes likes the look of Christian Taylor, so he initiates the hottest foreplay on the planet: wrestling. This is another erotic-forward match packed with the drama of two gorgeous, hot studs so obviously turned on by each other. The pool wrestling is brutal. The towel off is tender. And the bedroom wrestling finale is a magnificent combination of both.

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Sexy Showdown 7 – Drake Marcos vs. Nino Leone

At the beginning of the match, I thought this “loser gets shaved” things was a little gimmicky. About halfway through, in the middle of gallons of sweat, I was stunned by the intensity and balls out seriousness of the wrestling. By the end, this has always been about hot, steamy, lush passion, with a little side serving of tender loving to give it that sweet finish.  I think this is my second place choice for Sexiest Match this year, but buckle up, because this is not the last you’ll see of Drake in this category.

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Ring Releases 4 – Drake Marcos vs. Kayden Keller

That’s right, sabotaging his own success as only Drake can, he’s competing against himself for Sexiest Match in Ring Releases 4. Incredibly compelling match with equal parts scream queens, Hitchcock, and Bel Ami. My only complaint is Drake’s gear, which mercifully gets ripped off him soon enough in the match.

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Matmen 26 – Drake Marcos vs. Skrapper

Hands down, the sexiest match of the year for me was Matmen 26, between Drake and Skrapper.  The match is so aggressive. It’s so intense and brutal and it careens like a runaway train into sweat soaked erotic passion so authentically. I don’t think we see nearly enough full naked wrestling in this homoerotic industry, so the portion of the match that keeps charging ahead well after they both lose their gear is so satisfying. Even though I’m a big fan of both of these boys, this match took me by surprise by how totally compelling it was, and the erotic tension from start to finish is superb.

 

Best Ring Match

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Wrestler Spotlight Biff Farrell vs. Kelly King

This match is what happens when you put a big, bulging pro wannabe in a ring with a bigger, more bulging, sensationally seasoned pro.  The story practically tells itself, though you have to watch it to get the bait and switch that Kelly sells so remarkably successfully. Biff suffers so sensationally that it brings a tear to my eye. This is my second favorite ring match of the year.

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Last Man Standing 2 – Guido Genatto vs. Dolph Danner

Again, if you want an outstanding ring match, toss two extremely experienced indy pros into the BG East ring and insist they battle until one of them wins with a 10 count. Guido and Dolph classed up the place when it comes to quality ring wrestling and pro brutality. I love the grit and egos and battle of wills. Endurance sport with thoroughbreds like this is rare and gorgeous to watch.

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Hunkbash 18 – Jonny Firestorm vs. Calvin Haynes

And then there’s that magic again that you get when you toss a beefcake wrestling wannabe in the ring with a seasoned pro heel. I always, always have a bias toward homoerotic wresting that’s more homoerotic, so this is my second favorite ring match on the ballot. Bigger than life. Beautiful as hell.

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Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans & Taylor

Again, my vote goes to the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19. From the opening sequence in which Charlie Evans introduces himself to BG East by perfectly executing a Ginger Snap, to the corner to corner melodrama between the teams, to the magnificent intramural contest between Team Vanity to get their opponents to name which of them hurts them worse, to Chase’s Will Breaker, to this Beauty and Beast double team combo (by the good guys, no less), this match is packed with classic pro tag team wrestling with just the right amount of homoerotic flair to make me recognize it as our own.

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Wrestler Spotlight Chace LaChance vs. Jake Jenkins

And then there’s what comes from throwing two pretty boys who we’ve watched grow into this business tear into each other. I don’t think of either JJ or Chace as naturals in the ring, which makes the pace and power of this ring match such a pleasant surprise. Not nearly as homo or erotic as TTT19, still there’s a big BGE stamp on this match that comes from the way these two have developed under the guiding hand of the Boss.

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Demolition 20 – Austin Cooper vs. Kirk Donahue

And now, for your consideration, the combo of an experienced indy pro jobbing for yet another pretty boy who we’ve watched grow into a magnificent BG East-style pro. I’d almost considered voting for this on the off chance that giving more praises to matches in which Kirk gets clobbered would inspire more of the same in the future. But you don’t have to carry my grudge against Howdy Doody to see a lot to like in this match, not least of which is hot muscle domination, buckets of sweat, and big vs.little boy bashing.

 

Best Squash

My least favorite category, so I’ll say the least about it.  I do love a good squash on rare occasions. Not nearly as often as a lot of you, clearly, because the industry pumps out so many more squashes than I can consume. But sure, on occasion, a one-sided total mauling of one hunk by another hits some sweet notes to savor.

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Demolition 21 – Flash LaCash vs. Kip Sorell

Kip squashed like a bug. Gorgeous. I still say that Flash LaCash is far prettier than he seems to get credit for. But it’s hard to focus on the pretty when he’s such a devastatingly effective muscle heel.

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Demolition 21 – Kid Karisma vs. Mister E

You had me at “Kid Karisma.” If anyone can carry a squash narrative and keep me engaged, it’s Kid K. He is a fucking BEAST in this match. I’d say more, but it would mostly be about Kid K’s body.  This would be my second choice for this category, if pressed to have one.

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Masked Destroyers 1 – Trey Dixon vs. Thrash

My vote goes to Trey and Thrash for a few reasons. First, Trey Dixon is a god. Doomed, but a god. Thrash is outstandingly compelling. He’s another incredible debut that could easily have deserved a spot on the ballot there as well. And finally, Thrash destroys Trey in order to own him. A lack of motivation sinks most squashes for me, so when Thrash starts signaling where all this beauty bashing is heading, I’m hooked. Fuck, more Thrash. More Trey Dixon. Please.

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Biff Farrell Spotlight vs. Kelly King

Maybe this is my second choice. I don’t know. I will say this match turned me into a big Kelly King fan. Huge push to Biff’s consideration for Top Jobber.

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Masked Destroyers 1 – Cybertron vs. Mister E

I have no idea what motivates Cybertron. He’s a magnificent specimen of a man, but honestly, he won this match against Mister E about 45 seconds in. But he doesn’t stop. Why is that? Why don’t I “get” squashes more than I do?

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Hunkbash 18 – Viggo vs. Ronaldo

Okay, maybe this is my second place. Whatever. I will say that it’s a little shocking that these two sensational physiques got completely shut out of the body part categories. Though I did put Viggo up for my personal “Best Legs” contest. In any case, massive, mega squash, pretty on pretty.

Don’t forget to vote!

 

 

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Congratulations to all of the homoerotic wrestling fans who are gay married or have plans to be soon. I’ve got a tight leash on my cynicism so that everyone can get drunk and party without Debbie Downer here ruining it for everyone. However, this whole moment in history does remind me of my long standing infatuation with the notion of tag team partner lovers.

Christian
Barefoot babyface boyfriend bearhug: Morgan makes Skip and Christian watch each other in agony.

I’ve heard sad news that Christian Taylor and Skip Vance have split in real life, which is particularly tragic for fans like me who absolutely swooned over their 2-on-1 ring match in Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown against Morgan Cruise not that long ago. I sincerely hope that both Skip and Christian are in a good emotional space, that they’ve stayed friends, and that they’ve moved on in a healthy way [pssst, Christian: call me].

Shane
Shane McCall & Brooklyn Bodywrecker crush Liam Ryan between their cocks while Liam’s trussed up lover watches helplessly from the corner.

But ever since I watched Tag Team Torture 2, in which bear daddy Brian Powers and his adorable cub Liam Ryan wrestle Brooklyn Bodywrecker and Shane McCall, I’ve been smitten with the concept of tag team lovers. Brian and Liam are into each other as they climb into the ring. They’re foolishly confident, stealing some intimate strokes and kisses when they should be paying attention to the sensational heels about to crush them. Big Brian is supposed to be the anchor of the loverboys, so BBW and Shane isolate him, incapacitate him, and tie him into the corner, forced to watch as his boyfriend is needlessly double-teamed, decimated, and forced to suck Shane’s cock in the middle of the ring while BBW and Shane make out, kneeling over top of him.

So, with marriage the law of the land, I’m left to fantasize about other devoted couples who, if the wrestle gods were just and true, would climb into a wrestling ring as a high stakes, homoerotic wrestling team. Here are the couples that I know of who should be competing.

bomer
Team Muscle Magic: Halls & Bomer.

First, let me briefly handicap Matt Bomer and his husband Simon Halls. For raw sex appeal, I give them an 8 out of 10. I’d donate a kidney to ride threesome with these two hot studs. Bomer loves his silver fox daddy passionately, holding the ropes for him when they climb into the ring, rubbing Halls’ shoulders, grabbing a gratuitous grope of his cock before the bell rings. When it comes to ring skills, I’d score them 7 out of 10, with Bomer being a high flyer, including his favorite finisher, a top turnbuckle drop kick that makes opponents’ hearts skip a beat. I picture Halls as more grounded, laser focused, no showboating, just long, punishing, mojo-sucking holds like headscissors and a knee-busting Indian death lock. He enjoys throttling opponent’s cocks for ages in lusciously long OTK backbreakers. For strength, I score them a 7 out of 10, with Halls’ maturity and Bomer’s dazzling beauty and athleticism making them a team to beat. If there’s a weakness, I’m picturing Bomer as impulsive, perhaps a little too distractible, possibly a bit too quick to want to do a victory stripper dance over top of a battered opponent.

harrisburtka
Team Twink Prodigies: Burtka and Harris.

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are a pair of twink daddies who need a hardcore sex-tape leak. For sex appeal, I give them a 6 out of 10. Harris has that incredibly sexy humor paired with such pretty pecs, but Burtka needs a shot of charisma. Mind you, I’d blow a gasket to get lubed up from head to toe with the both of them. Ring skills: 9 out of 10.  I see these twink daddies as one of those teams that tags out devastatingly fast and furious, leaving opponents bewildered and bashed. There’s tons of teamwork, like Harris Irish whipping Burtka across the ring to pummel the fuck out of a momentarily dazed opponent hanging in the corner. Burtka scoops up opponents as Harris drops to one knee, letting his hubby pound their prey viciously across Harris’ thigh in a power OTK backbreaker. For strength, the skinny boys are surprisingly power-packed, but still, they’re skinny, so I give them 5 out of 10. They’re a total twink heel team, double-teaming opponents in the corner, not waiting for tags, interfering whenever the partner in the ring is looking vulnerable. Burtka gets off on ball clawing, and Harris can’t keep his hands off his rod when he’s got a wasted opponent nice and snug in headscissors. For weaknesses, it’s got to be size. They’re dangerous as fuck, but susceptible to getting shoved around.

Jackson
Team Broadway Beef: Landau and Jackson.

Jason Landau and Cheyenne Jackson make one dazzlingly beautiful pair, and would be one sensational homoerotic wrestling tag team. For sex appeal, I give the power couple a 9 out of 10. If Jackson wears a thong to the ring, I could easily be negotiated up to a 9.5.  The two always look so fucking intensely into each other, which would instantly exponentiate the erotic factor in any match. They’d be sucking face and groping each other aggressively until the bell rings. For ring skills, I’m giving the them a 6 out of 10. I picture them coasting a bit on Jackson’s size and strength, with Jason mostly a support player who’s lucky to hold his own when his muscle hubby tags him in with momentum already on their side. As a team, I give them an 8 out 10 for strength, with Jackson carrying more than his fair share. Have you seen his thighs?! He would totally be the muscle brute who would rack his opponents across his huge shoulders and do squats in the middle of the ring to humiliate them. Fuck, I’m picturing beautiful Jason letting Cheyenne use his own lean bod for barbell curls, just because both of them get off on that sort of thing. They’re mostly a babyface team, with fucking on their minds more than winning (thus, the weak link). When they win, it’s because of Jackson’s dominating power. When they lose, it’s because they’re outwrestled and lost in lust for one another and/or their opponents.

nate-berkus-jeremiah-brent-nyc-coffee-09032013-04-600x450
Team Dastardly Designers: Berkus & Brent.

Nate Berkus and his beefy hot husband Jeremiah Brent would make a way hot tag team. I find it hard to rank their team sex appeal because my assessment of Berkus varies so widely, day to day. One day, I’d totally tap that. The next, meh. I do think he’s significantly sexier with his man candy hubby on his arm, though, so let’s just score them a 6 out of 10 and move on. When it comes to ring skills, I’d give the duo a 6 out of 10. I picture Berkus as more of a poser, leaving Brent to do the heavy lifting. Brent would be all about leverage and joint manipulation in the ring, plenty of figure-4 leg locks, headlock suplexes, and hammerlocks. As for strength, the babyfaces are thickly muscled, so let’s score them an 8 out of 10. Berkus likes to flex his biceps in the faces of opponents being owned by Brent. They like to muscle smaller opponents around the ring when they can, lording it over them, trash talking about what weak pussies they are. They’re nominal heels, though it’s Berkus’ narcissism that mostly defines the character of this tag team. He takes all the credit, does less than half the work, and works up a load of celebration across the chests of the opponents that Brent puts out cold with figure-4 chokes. Biggest weakness has to be the potential for Brent to reach the end of his patience and go ape shit all over his own partner.

Bass
Team Boyband Beefcake: Turchin & Bass.

My final tag team lovers handicapping is for boybander Lance Bass and his hubby, crazy sexy Michael Turchin. For sex appeal, I’d score the an 8 out of 10, though there are some modeling shots of Turchin online that may merit the boys a higher score on any given day, depending on Turchin’s conditioning. For ring skills, I give them 7 out of 10, with evenly matched technical wrestling aptitude and speed. I picture them both as barefoot high flyers, with a flair for side-by-side mirrored standing drop kicks. Bass loves to schoolboy pin, trash talk in the face of a flat out opponent, dick whipping opponents’ faces with a laugh. Turchin loves to use the ropes, frequently trapping opponents arms there and exploiting their predicament to mix knees to the gut with lustful gropes of muscles and bulges. When it comes to strength, these two are solid, but not powerhouses. 7 out of 10 for strength, though again, if Turchin is in top condition, you can dial that up.  I see this lover tag team as homoerotic specialists, which I think can look like heels anywhere else, but is just middle of the road sex-wrestling in homoerotic circles. They’re hot for one another, hot for sexy opponents, and hot for the feel of controlling and dominating opponents into total submission until they’ve lost their loads all over their losers’ faces.

So that’s my take on gay marriage. Only thing left is to wonder who beats who, how, and what holds and moves get me to rewind and replay over and over again? Any other tag team lovers you’d like to toss into competition, and who do you think would be reigning tag team lover champs?

Our Man Inside

I have no way of predicting when I’m going to receive the proverbial brown paper package, sans return address, with a new batch of smuggled pics of the inner sanctum of BG East from the anonymous benefactor I’ve dubbed, simply, Our Man Inside (OMI).  This latest batch was actually signed “OMI,” which makes me chuckle… and worry a bit that the fans’ spy may be getting cocky. Speaking of dangerously cocky, did I mention how fervently Drake Marcos denied being OMI when I visited him at BG East’s South Campus last fall? Regular readers may remember that Drake was one of the first to smuggle pics to me from behind the scenes at a BG East taping.  However, he also got caught, and rumor is, got his ass handed to him long and hard for dabbling in corporate espionage. So Drake brought up the topic all on his own last fall, pointedly clarifying that he isn’t the one who has continued to sneak peeks to me from behind the curtain at BG East. There was a slight tone of desperateness about his unsolicited denials that makes me think whoever OMI is (and I’m not saying that it definitely ISN’T the Cheshire Cat), I hope he continues to fly under the radar, because it sure seemed to me like hottie Drake was reliving some personal terror as he adamantly denied continuing his smuggling operation.

Whoever OMI is, I’d make him my honorary favorite homoerotic wrestler insider, if I could post of picture of him and give credit where it’s due.  Of course, that would defeat the purpose.  And I don’t want that purpose defeated, or OMI found out, because once again he slipped out what appear to be some cutting room floor shots from behind the scenes of BG East homoerotic wrestling tapings. There’s a brand new mountain of blond muscle who looks like he belongs in some Beach Blanket Beefcake flick from the the 60’s.  Most of these appear to be from recent releases, so hopefully we’ll see Blond Bombshell Biff in action soon. And thank heavens for more candid, between takes reveals of fantasy studs like Lon Dumont, Jake Jenkins, Kayden Keller, and Jonny Firestorm. Seeing these gorgeous wrestlers without their game faces on makes me that much more infatuated with watching them suit up, slip into the ring, and go to town.

red
Hello, Rookie! I’m breathless with the anticipation of being formally introduced to this new mountain of beautiful muscle. In the mean time, I’m calling him “Biff” and fantasizing about seeing him kick sand in some lucky twink’s face.
lon
This looks like a way back shot of perpetual infatuation of mine, Lon Dumont, and his first BG East tag team partner, Chace LaChance from several years ago. Lon has put on more muscle and grown a lot more hair since then, and Chace has bulked up about twice this size!
green
Speaking of size, incredibly hot beefcake rookie Sam Sellers caught a lot of fans’ attention, including mine, in his recent debut in Mat Scraps 3. Seeing him with specs (and very little else) makes this muscleman about 20 times sexier than he already was, as far as I’m concerned.
ben
I love this shot of Sam and Ben Monaco with the video cameras off. Ben looks like it’s just occurred to him that he may have bitten off more than he can chew. Sam’s wide, open smile is so fucking handsome!
green2
So perhaps OMI is a little infatuated with rookie beefcake Sam as well. Not hard to miss why!
jj
Jake Jenkins peels his hot, athletic body off the floor in what looks like a takeout from his recent Barefoot Babyfaces ring match. I never, ever get tired of seeing this Von Erich-esque stud!
jonny
By all accounts, Jonny Firestorm is the prankster of the BG East boys. This appears to be the aftermath of a dozing jobber Skip Vance being on the receiving end of Jonny’s humiliating humor.
kk
Kayden Kellar has come on like a house on fire in the past 16 months dialing up the dastardly and roaringly erotic dial as a rising heel. All of that squeezed into a windsor knot, and you might never guess what a vicious sexual sadist he is!
ryder
This appears to be a shot of The Boss himself getting an up close and personal view of Jake Ryder and Z-Man’s sizzling hot bodies working each other over hard in Mat Scraps 3. What a fucking dream job!

Soap, Please

I have a hair trigger for shower scenes. I’ve gone weeks at a time obsessed with sleuthing out hot, steamy, glistening muscle hunks in the shower, preferably immediately following a wet, sweaty, thumping wrestling match. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had was in the shower. I sometimes wonder if it’s my obsessive-compulsive tendencies coming up when I get seriously fixated on shower scenes. I won’t even try to deny that messes turn me off, and so incorporating personal hygiene and immediately washing away the aftermath probably appeals to my inner approaching-disordered mind. But even if you aren’t OCD, you have to appreciate glistening, wet naked bodies, which is pretty much guaranteed in a shower scene.

subzero
Sub Zero peels off the spandex preparing for his post battle shower. Where, oh where do I apply to be his very personal super-valet?!

Last week’s update over at Eye of the Cyclone got me all infatuated again with shower scenes. EOC’s superhero Sub Zero narrowly escaped his own destruction in the serial “Hard as Ice.” Having returned to his secret Ice Lair, the dashingly hot mystery muscle man breaths a heavy sigh of relief and peels off his skin tight super suit to wash away the bitter bruises of his battle with the Xtractor.  Last week’s comic panels of Sub Zero prepping and beginning his shower are the motherload of post-wrestling homoerotic shower scenes (though I’d prefer to see Xtractor join him).

subzero2
Now that is a super sensational ass!!!

I’m in crazy lust with Sub Zero! I’d say that ass could pose a serious challenge to Kid Karisma’s Best Butt reign, if Sub Zero ever made my fantasies come true by appearing in live action homoerotic wrestling. Though I am crazy in lust with Kid K’s ass as well.  Hmmm. Clearly the only way to settle this would be a rip ‘n’ strip ring match, followed by a tandem body worship shower scene, of course.

subzero3
I need a hero, bad!

Like the perfect homoerotic wrestling twist on Psycho, Sub Zero doesn’t see the vile-looking “Cybermite” climbing the shower glass, positioning its vicious-looking metallic legs threateningly inches away from Sub Zero’s glistening, naked ass. Our sizzling hot hero sees the threat too late, turning around just as the mortal threat pounces, diving deep down naked hunk’s throat (well, okay, that orifice works as well, sure). What will happen with his enemy’s remote appendage rooting around inside his sensationally built muscle body? Fuck. To be continued…

subzero4
I’ve got my loofah in hand… well, in one hand…

So that’s what sent me spinning down the shower scene rabbit hole again. Here are a few more of my very favorite shower scenes from the homoerotic wrestling context.  Do you have a favorite, because I’m always looking to add to my go-to collection.  Now you’ll have to excuse me, I need to go get cleaned up…

motelshowermitch
In Motel Madness 8, my long-time favorite homoerotic wrestler (emeritus) spanked Jeremy Burke like a naughty boy before the two retired to the motel bathroom to strip each other and slip into the shower together. Honestly, I can’t see Jeremy at all in the shower scene… all I can see is me there soaping up Mitch’s naked muscles.
fantasy21
One of the hottest, unscripted shower scenes ever to grace the end of an outstanding homoerotic wrestling match took place in BG’s Fantasy Oil Wrestling 4.
xfight33shower
In X-Fights 33, a twinks-gone-wild barnburner, Skip Vance and Billy Lodi got completely hot and bothered first on the mat then in the bathroom, proving that some old flames never entirely die, even when soaking wet in the shower.
lordslockershower
An iconic homoerotic wrestling production, Lords of the Lockerroom may have not been the most competitive sell in wrestling, but the quality of the bodies featured was extremely elite. A pre-NK Van Darkholme was eaten up and spit out by hot stuff Mark Wolff, but looked very happy to relive the memories as he jerked off in the shower afterward.
lordslockershower2
And arguably the lordliest of the Lords of the Locker Room, Billy Herrington took his fantasy physique to the showers after squashing Nick Steel like a musclejobber bug.

And the nominees are…

Mere hours are left for you to register your votes for the 2014 BG East Besties. The last 4 categories I have to reflect on are what I think of as the most dramatic and titillating. Like saving “best picture” and “best actor in a leading role,” I’ve held off on reflecting on these because these mean most to me in any ways.  First up, let’s look at those who sold the most compelling characters this year, beginning with nominees for Top Heel.

morganheel
After a bumpy start in BG East his first go a couple of years ago, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise has been a perennial heel. Vicious, merciless, with no regard for life or limb, much less rules or good taste, he’s very on point at all times. His monologues tend to be constant, regardless of his opponent, and I long for new depths of sadism fro him. But he’s got a ton of fans.
guidoheel
Guido Genatto has a boatload of nominations for Best Ring Match, Best Squash, Best Submissions, Best Overall Match. He doesn’t just heel, he obliterates. He’s a steam roller who delights in cheating because, fuck, who’s going to try to stop him? Definition of a heel.
laneheel
Lane Hartley has so much swagger and he’s so damn pretty, he nearly slides out of heeldom when I picture him in my mind’s eye. He’s relentless and deeply sadistic. He takes great pleasure in the screams and tears of his victims.
karismaheel
My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler Kid Karisma drips with contempt, supremely confident that his muscle and might will roll right over every victim placed in his way. I don’t think of him as a dirty tricks wrestler, because he’s just so fucking dominant, why would he need to rely on cheating? Sadistic as shit, yes, but the top heel?
thunderheel
Cage Thunder is a top shelf heel at all times, even though his appearances in 2014 were scarce. The mask, the body, that awesome cock… everything about him is perfectly tuned to inspire terror. He did what he does fabulously, but with just one match on the books this year, will he claim Top Heel of the year?

Shockingly, the reigning Top Heel the past two years running, Jonny Firestorm, was absent from this year’s slate. Was Jonny’s work somehow less dominant, less dastardly, less sadistic? With him suspiciously out of the way, however, someone is definitely taking the crown for the first time. I’m leaning toward Guido because of both quantity and quality of his matches. His trash talk alone is terrifyingly hot, but his muscle domination and indy pro heel superiority are absolutely soul crushing. I’m guessing fans will break his way or possibly Morgan’s. I think Cage Thunder is a long shot this year solely because he didn’t put up more evidence of his heel mastery in 2014, but he very well could be the sentimental favorite of long-time fans.

Top Jobber is crazy competitive this year. I would argue a jobber is not someone who just gets squashed, but someone who sells that he whole heartedly believes he has a fighting chance, even mounts some offense and keeps the suspense building, but sooner or later, inevitably goes down in crushing defeat. A jobber isn’t a pushover. He’s not a joke. He inhabits a full story arc, even if the outcome is as certain as the sunrise. You and I know a jobber is doomed from the start, but he doesn’t.  Let’s take a look at the contenders for this nuanced category.

tyjobber
Ty Alexander has been a house on fire his debut year. I think he’s a clear frontrunner for Debut of the Year, and he quickly developed the narrative of his legitimate skill and enthusiasm doomed to be crushed under foot. At times I wondered if his masochism was too far in front, if he wanted to be beaten so bad that he collapsed the suspension of disbelief. But he assembled an army of fans who I’m sure are behind him (because the view is so damn fine from back there).
kirkjobber
I got harassed for discounting Kirk Donahue’s qualifications to be in the Best Butt contention, so I realize I may be asking for it again when I say that, although he made my crotch stir hard with an epic sell jobbing in 2014, it was just one match. The suspense lasted about 17 seconds before Guido was grinding the kid into pulp, which he sold like a champ, but still, was it enough to say he was Top Jobber for 2014?
jjjobber
Jake Jenkins carries so much water at BG East it’s amazing. Total top tier, multi-award winner babyface, he took major beatings in the ring in 2014 establishing a fantastic claim to be considered Top Jobber. Ignore his mat work. That’s a whole different JJ, and BGE deploys their boys in different genres with entirely different aptitudes. In the ring, though, in those “beat me” American flag trunks, he was an incredible jobber.
ofcourseajobber
Drake started the year first jobbing hard for Mason Brooks and then getting pissy with me for admiring what a hot jobber he is. The handsome jobber fucking HATES being called a jobber, which somehow merely makes it only that much more certain that he’s such… a… JOBBER. To top it off, after searching the ranks of bloggers to find someone he can finally beat, he still ended up in a tree of woe with my heel grinding into his defenseless chest. What a jobber…
kipjobber
Kip Sorell is one tasty muscle jobber. His claim to Top Jobber seems clearer than his contention for Top Babyface, as I mentioned earlier. However, I’m not entirely sure Kip honestly believes at any point leading up to or during any of his matches that he has a snowball’s chance in hell. That makes him blur somewhere between a doomed character in a Greek tragedy (aka, a jobber) and a helpless victim of a mugging/attempted rape (aka, a farce). Fans love him every time he suffers hard, though.

Tough call, with a ton of blurry lines depending on exactly what you think and feel about jobbers in general.  Two-time winner Rio Garza was not nominated this year, leaving the field open for a first-timer to be guaranteed the crown. With the fond memory of him out cold, stripped naked, and with his trunks stuffed down his throat in the middle of the ring after coming face to face with a certain blogger, though, I have to punch Drake Marcos’ ticket (once again) for Top Jobber. I think his biggest competition for this one is Ty, with the difference being, in my mind, mainly the certainty that Ty would love to be Top Jobber, while Drake would hate it. Paradoxically, I think that gives Drake the edge here.  Long shot I think is JJ, mostly just because some people will vote for him regardless what the category is.  He’s so complex, though, and you have to partition out his mat work to fully justify him as Top Jobber.

Hottest Liplock may not be a category others think of as the top tier choice to make, but I fucking LOVE this category. Like “Best Submissions in One Match,” the context isn’t entirely clear.  A particular liplock? Perhaps not, since the nominees are just matches.  I love wrestling liplocks, though, so however you slice it, I’m so into this category.

drakelip
Babyface Brawl X was sexy as hell and a fantastic concoction of bitter aggression and full on sexual arousal, which is one of my favorite formulas. Drake and Ty were fighting for victory, for dignity, and most of all, for Drake’s trunks. Some of the hottest liplocks are NFSW, but every one left me wondering whether it would be interrupted by more bitter fighting, which makes everyone of them hot, hot, hot.
rosslip
Wrestle Shack 18 was full of full on homoerotic wrestling lust between Gabriel Ross and Christian Taylor. This was a fantastically sexy pairing, with tons of value added for the stark contrasts between their bodies. Christian is reigning kissing champion of BG East in my book, but I don’t know if Gabriel was as convincingly committed to the liplocks.
treylip
Holy shit Trey Dixon and Skip Vance were on FIRE by the end of their Gear Wars 4 match. How no penetration appeared on camera is a mystery to me, because Skip’s rod is visibly throbbing and Trey looks like a starved man sitting at an Old Country Buffet. This particular jockstrapped, cock-sitting, body-scissors-oh-fuck-it-let’s-suck-face moment brings a tear of ecstasy to my eyes every time.
kaydenlip
Raunchy Rookies 7 saw the seismic double debut of Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander, putting up one of the sexiest, most explicit, fully erotic wrestling matches I’ve ever seen a rookie (much less two) manage. Kayden looks like he could eat the face off of adorable Ty, but the corporal domination leads ultimately to merely a double explosion in the middle of the ring. Sizzlingly hot liplocks, particularly once the gear is stripped.
masonlip
Pain & Punishment 1 has locked down a boatload of nominations all over the place, so yet again consider the fine eroticism of Mason Brooks squelching Drake Marcos’ screams of anguish with an intoxicating liplock. Not nearly as many liplocks in this bitter, bitter feud as for other contenders, but the aggressive, dominating, domineering face suck is enacted to perfection.

So many fantastic liplock moments that speak to the very heart of what moves me most about homoerotic wrestling! If I could vote for all of the nominees, I would, because they all rocked me dizzyingly hard. Just one, though? Fuck.  It’s razor close between Babyface Brawl X and Gear Wars 4. My vote finally goes to the homoerotic jobber wonder twins, Drake & Ty, whose Babyface Brawl X was incredibly innovative and pushed the envelope in all the right directions.  I have no idea what the majority will vote for in this category. I won’t be surprised for whoever wins, though I’m pulling for the jobber wonder twins.

Now for Best Overall Match of 2014…

guidobest
Guido Genatto once again complicates the field with two entries, first for Demolition 17 against Jake Jenkins. I don’t know if a squash is likely to win because of the constituency that just doesn’t like them, though this one was incredibly tasty.
kirkbest
Demolition 18 found Guido again crushing another jobber like a grape, this time wunderkind Kirk “don’t-discount-my-ass” Donahue. This match definitely made me most genuinely concerned for the life and limb of a wrestler this year. Was it best overall?
treybest
Mat wrestling entries for Best Overall Match include Passion & Punishment 1’s Trey Dixon v Skrapper. Intensely, intimately, shockingly erotic without an ounce of hot, hard, painful wrestling action spared. Incredible match. Totally legitimate finalist for this category.
drakebest
Yet another Pain & Punishment 1 entry is Drake Marcos getting schooled like a stubborn pup by sexy as hell philosopher king Mason Brooks. This match pushed all my buttons a lot. Awesome drama that extended well beyond the narrative on camera. Fantastic wrestling, awesome suffering, sweat, luscious bodies… I’m convinced, but I’m slightly surprised it pulled the nominating committee to include it.
zmanbest
Pretty boy ring feast, Ring Hunks 2 makes a surprise entry here (as far as I’m concerned). Truly a watershed moment to watch Z-Man really come into his own and set the pace, control the tempo, and tell the story (not to mention fucking own every inch of Kip Sorell). Another squash though, making all 3 ring match entries in this category way one-sided. Not judgment on my part, just an observation.
cameronbest
Submissions 9 puts in the last contender with Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe chaining together one dizzyingly hot hold after another until everyone is coated in sweat (and most of us on this end of the screen coated in other bodily fluids). Highest quality mat wrestling, big egos, energizer bunnies, bitter aggression.

I’m fascinated that all three ring match entries are squashes. That, along with Guido’s double entry, really fucks with my confidence in predicting a frontrunner. My vote is going to Mason and Drake because of several factors, including Mason’s gorgeous naked ass, Drake’s horrified whimpers, bitter trash talk, a gallon of sweat, and the ball rolling that would lead to me snapping Drake’s photo flat on his back under my foot about 9 months later. Extremely close 2nd place for me is Trey and Skrapper. Holy fuck that’s one over-the-top hot, hard fought, insanely sexy match. My barely better than a random guess for the majority on this one is Cameron and LJL, mostly because of Cam’s fan following. I think long odds are on Guido & Kirk.

If you haven’t voted yet, this is your Bard approved final ballot to point your way to where my tastes take me:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos brought to whimpering tears by Mason Brooks

Best Ring Match: Tag Team Torture 17 – Dumont/Baynard v Reno/Walsh

Best Debut: Ty Alexander

Top Babyface: Denny Cartier

Best Squash: Jobberpaloozer 13 – Austin Cooper v Leo Tomasi

Best Submissions in One Match: Wet & Wild 7 – Trey Dixon’s face-to-crotch headscissors on Mason Brooks

Top Heel: Guido Genatto

Top Jobber: Drake “damn-it-I’m-not-a-JOBBER!” Marcos

Hottest Liplock: Babyface Brawl X – Drake Marcos v Ty Alexander (aka, the homoerotic jobber wonder twins)

Best Overall Match of 2014: Pain & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos sniveling and choking like a jobber punk beneath Mason Brooks