I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the overlap between violence and the erotic. Of course, I’ve been primarily thinking about wrestling and the erotic, but panning back even wider than that, violence more broadly. On the one hand, of course, there’s a fuzzy taboo around even acknowledging the possibility of a connection between violence and the erotic. The discussion immediately bumps into concerns about non-consensual sex and exploitation. Just to be clear, my thoughts here aren’t an attempt to present an apology for rape culture or abuse. However, I do believe healthy eroticism isn’t restricted to the gentle, soft-focus, self-restrained, non-hierarchical variety. Throughout nature, there are examples of species for which combat is an essential precursor to sex, as potential suitors vie with one another in front of a mate to demonstrate their physical (and, by implication, genetic) superiority and earn the right to reproduce. Giraffes threaten to break each others’ necks to demonstrate their dominance and get themselves and their potential mate in the mood. Rams headbutt the fuck out of each other to see who gets to be the one to pound one out with their object of lust. And it’s not just rivals vying for a prize mate. I’m pretty familiar with chickens, and I’ve observed how roosters pursue, pounce on, and pin a hen underneath them in order to get down to business. There’s nothing subtle or seductive about it. It’s not exactly homoerotic wrestling, but it’s definitely a major dose of violence paired with getting off.
Part of what prompts these musings is getting kicked off of Patreon late last year because our homoerotic wrestling art and fiction site, Heels and Heroes, was tagged as sexual violence. Interestingly, the specific content flagged wasn’t the most explicitly erotic. Now, apparently, we were also flagged because, despite repeatedly describing the characters as over 18, anytime a veteran wrestling character referred to a rookie as “kid,” Patreon’s algorithm and/or AI classified it as child abuse. Mind you, anytime a younger wrestler referred to an older wrestler as “old man” during a rough match, there were never any flags for elder abuse. But it seems like it was the pairing of the violence of professional wrestling with characters being erotically aroused that ultimately tripped the censors. Initially, I was angry and embarrassed and second-guessing myself. Honestly, it was a little like getting transported back to being a closeted gay kid with this ferocious internal debate going on about if there was something wrong with me about being aroused by wrestling. I’m over it now, though, in large part because any premise that violence and the erotic are inherently in contradiction to one another just patently has zero face validity. It’s certainly not just me who’s turned on by wrestling, combat, competition and all the ways in which the element of violence is part of them. It’s not even just those of us who openly explore and celebrate homoerotic wrestling. Getting turned on by conquering and being conquered, dominating and submitting, overpowering or being overpowered, even being attracted to a partner who stands up for you, is willing to fight for you… the overlap between violence and the erotic is mainstream, and I suspect lives deep in our DNA, and there’s just too much evidence to honestly deny it.
Like I said, I’m not advocating for rape or abuse. I’m not even arguing for (or against) some biological imperative that valorizes aggression as virtue. I do believe, however, that there’s quite a lot of overlap between violence and the erotic in a way that doesn’t have to equate with non-consensual sex. When I’m watching a hot wrestling match that turns explicitly erotic, groin grabs and groping and open sexual gratification work for me because it’s performative. At least for me, the idea of watching someone being raped or molested makes me cringe. But that’s not what I’m signing up for when I’m buying even a full stakes wrestling video. I’m buying into performance of violence-as-erotic within agreed upon terms. Just like when anyone enjoys watching a wrestling match (or MMA fight, or boxing match), the aggression and violence have a line drawn around them. Combat sports and “sports entertainment” are always about the performance of violence. There are rules. There’s a context in which a piledriver or a punch or a pec smother make sense, and outside of that context, of course that violence is antisocial and out of bounds. I saw a video recently of an amateur wrestler getting frustrated in a match and punching his opponent, and holy shit, that got shut down fast, and there was a torrent of scathing backlash for the offender. Because an amateur wrestling match isn’t about an uncritical endorsement of violence as if all might makes anything right. It was sport because the battle only makes sense within a specific context, on that wrestling mat, within that circle, according to recognized rules and conventions. The same premise is what makes sense of homoerotic wrestling for me. It’s performative and circumscribed and in no way implies and endorsement of rape or abuse. Quite the opposite, really. Within the homoerotic wrestling context, the performance of aggression and domination and submission are all part of the agreed upon terms that makes it such and incredible turn on for everyone involved. At least, I always hope that the wrestlers are genuinely enjoying themselves, but regardless, they’ve willingly signed up to perform in this context.
I’m probably belaboring a point that anyone who reads this blog has already come to terms with. But, like I said, it’s been on my mind lately. I think the real problem with erotic violence is in the way polite society represses the reality of it. The construction of the healthy eroticism as exclusively tentative and gentle and non-hierarchical (not to mention heterosexual and binary) leads to mass repression of what almost certainly is a powerful and evocative connection between violence and the erotic, likely defined in evolutionary terms and embodied by all sorts of phenomena that are variously socially endorsed or marginalized, like chauvinism, every combat sport under the sun, bar fights, bullying, and yes, even the multifaceted thing that is homoerotic wrestling. Being turned on and being socially required to pretend you’re not, to even condemn the object of your lust that much more ferociously, is seriously bad for your health… as all queer folks understand so well.
Sidelineland 