Is it just my imagination, or does gorgeous hottie Zach Reno deliver more than his fair share of trunk pulls?
Zach is so determined to weasel out of doing his chores that he stuff’s Jayden Mayne’s handsome face between his hairy thighs, leans forward, and gives the choreboy’s trunks a quick tug.
Zach does what it takes to level the playing field when he’s double-teamed by gargantuan muscle gods Mark Muscle and Zach Altovito, including, but not limited to, yanking hard on Mark Muscle’s trunks to make his earlier low blows linger longer.
It’s not like Zach turns to the trunk pull only when the odds are long. He and fellow lightweight Ethan Andrews are more than enough to take on big, beautiful, pro loudmouth Garrett Thomas, but a completely gratuitous trunk pull makes Zach’s gut punches on the trussed up hunk that much more painful. And humiliating.
Trapped in Kid Karisma’s muscle bearhug in Gazebo Grapplers 17, Zach turns to a defensive trunk pull in a last ditch bid to survive the crushing embrace. The defensive trunk pull is a marvelous variation on the theme. It’s desperate, like clutching at straws, but instead it’s clutching at spandex.
The defensive trunk pull “works” only in so far as the wrestler on offense instinctively reacts to having his gear wedged up his ass crack and his cheeks exposed on camera. Zach’s pull implies that he’s an innovator, that he’s calculating more than just wrestling skill and strength, but also ego, vanity, and focus. Lesser men might be shocked and distracted to be on the receiving end of a defensive yank like this. Unfortunately for Zach, Kid Karisma is “less than” no one, particularly when it comes to showing off his multi-award winning ass.
Not only is Kid K unfazed by Zach’s move to expose his perfectly muscled ass cheek, he happily demonstrates that one good yank deserves another. Ever the fan-pleaser, Kid Karisma makes sure you and I can make a fair comparison to determine who wears the wedgie best.
Personally, my fan support for Zach Reno is only accentuated by his readiness to grab hold of his opponents’ trunks. I seriously love Zach’s hot, compact body and his take-no-prisoners wrestling style. I’m a huge fan of his furry, muscled ass, as well. Like his ultimate fate in his match with Kid Karisma, he may not be ready to compete with the sheer beauty of Kid K’s breathtaking bare butt, but I’m loving Zach’s willingness to go there!
If you’re new around here, you may not have heard that pretty much everything inspires my homoerotic wrestling imagination. One of my longest-standing, relatively random inspirations has been hot guys on television news. For a while, I thought it was just my imagination, prompting me to fantasize about hard, hot bodies underneath the suits of the handsome faces hired to look trustworthy. But no one can ignore the flagrant display of hot journalist beef all over the airwaves these days. It’s not just me combing through the minutiae and piecing together Chris Cuomo’s bulging biceps and Gio Benitez’ mouthwatering pecs out of nothing more than public social media accounts and confirmation bias. These days, the news hunks are quite obviously getting hunkier, unbuttoning their shirts, posting workout videos, and finding excuses to show off their hard toned gym bodies. Thus was born The News Division series of homoerotic wrestling fiction that I’m slowly transcribing from an old private site to the pages of this blog. I’ll post an updated version of a new chapter tomorrow.
If you aren’t new around here, this is all old news. So let me move on to the new addition to my newsmen crush lexicon. My local weatherman is a nerd stud. He’s skinny. Literally, a marathoner. He’s no Hollywood heartthrob, but he’s got a seriously cute, boyish face. Quick wit. I’d schoolboy pin him in a second. But the real star of the show is that ass of his when he takes of his suit coat and steps up to the map. Specifically, he makes me gasp every time he turns to point to the weather map and shows off his remarkably perky, round ass in profile. Solid, sculpted muscle, made all that more stunning by his skinny, little waist. Not everyone has the genetics and laboriously-built muscle to be able to show off such lovely side butt. There are huge, bulging bodybuilders who do squats for years and never pull off the perfectly round globes that my skinny weatherman has. From behind, you can’t always measure the perkiness-factor like you can with side butt.
So, in honor of my weatherman and the provocative gift of a tiny waist and gorgeous, round glutes, I’ve spent more time than I should have curating this annotated collection of homoerotic wrestling hunks showing off sensational side butt.
BGE’s classic baby face muscle boy Troy Baker gave pin-up boy quality side butt. I’m also a fan of Troy’s tan lines, which serve as a highlighter spotlighting his beautifully round, alabaster cheeks.
My longest-reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler and multi-Best Butt and Body winner Kid Karisma possesses one of the perkiest, most muscular ass cheeks on the planet. He’s a study in physical perfection from every angle, but he gives choice side butt.
Tyrell Tomsen is an adonis, with extravagant, luscious meat draped from every joint. You have not lived if you have yet to see every awesome inch of Tyrell in Strip Stakes 1, which, frankly, has sort of spoiled me for every other strip stakes match I’ve seen. It’s hard not to let your eyes roam over him, but if you’ve got the self-discipline, you’ll see that his thick, solidly muscled glutes are perfect in profile.
Epitomizing the tapered-V, Scrappy (Thunders, W4H, Muscleboy) possesses perfect proportions. The way his tiny waist perches on top of his lush, thickly muscled ass makes him a side butt poster boy.
One of the more controversial figures in the annals of homoerotic wrestling history, Rio Garza had a remarkable gift for dividing fans and wrestlers alike. But can we all agree to the self-evident fact that the Mexican muscleboy sports practically perfectly round glutes that make for sensational side butt?
This photo demonstrates the extremely rare (IMO) phenomenally hot double side butt perfection of last year’s Best Body winner Van Skyler on the left bearhugging Payton Meadows on the right. Their Undagear 26 face off really deserves to be cross-listed as a Fantasymen product, because they are both ripped from the pages of an erotic fantasy. But for butt watching, it’s out of this world, and for two pairs of the sweetest, roundest ass profiles to appear in one match, it cannot be beat.
I should’ve quit a while back, but I couldn’t stop myself from digging into the archives just a bit more for choice side butt. Blond, blue eyed bombshell Jeff Phoenix had all too brief a stint in the ring for BG East, but that all-over tan and magnificent physique surely ought to arise from the ashes for a comeback, don’t you think? And side butt that juicy needs a severe tongue lashing, if you ask me.
It’s probably criminal to have any discussion of phenomenal asses without extensive homage paid to Mike Columbo’s legendary glutes. In my hiatus from following the scene, I’ve lost track of whether the Mike Columbo fanatics are still actively worshiping at his altar, but I still keep a candle light for two of the thickest thighs and the superhumanly proportioned profile of his most famous assets.
But honestly, I was always more of a classic Mikey Vee fanatic than a Mike Columbo devotee. In Mikey’s early days at BG East, he was a devastatingly adorably bad ass in a baby face disguise.
I’ve got half a dozen other hot hunks for whom, I bet, I’d find scintillating shots of side butt, but I’m going to draw a line there rather than work on this post for days on end. You, however, can tell me who I missed in the comments!
Congratulations to the winners of the BG East Besties for 2017! It was a fabulous year in homoerotic wrestling, and all of the nominees demonstrated the deep bench that BG East can rightfully boast. Some of my picks earned the most votes overall. Some didn’t. They all (but one) get nothing but respect from me. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve seen evidence that my tastes intersect and diverge with other homoerotic wrestling fans. Happily, there’s plenty for all of us to enjoy, and awards or not, my sincere thanks go out to the beautiful men in front of and behind the camera that make BG East a leader in wrestling for a gay audience.
Sexiest Match: Sexiest Match – Ty Alexander vs. Bruno LaBestia (Ringwars 28)
Best Mat Battle: Austin Cooper vs. Christian Taylor (Undagear 28)
Best Ring Match: Cole Cassidy vs. Joshua Goodman (Ringwars 26)
The first half of the BG East Besties ballot never seems to generate as much controversy as the second half. Turning our focus on individual wrestlers seems to incite even more fevered debates about tastes and types and loyalties. BGE has gone six deep for each category, so there’s bound to be someone for everyone to fight over. Definitely don’t just take my word for who you should vote for, but by all means, vote. And in case you aren’t sure who you want to rally behind, feel free to take some inspiration from how I see things.
8. Top Heel
Last year Jonny Firestorm brought home the title as Best Heel at BG East. Jonny has owned this category for quite a while. The only time he hasn’t won, he wasn’t nominated, in which case Kid Karisma stepped up at grabbed the ring. This year pits these two legendary heels against each other and an equally diverse field of styles, attitudes, and interpretations of the word “heel.”
What a field! I’m punching an enthusiastic button for the increasingly rare opportunity to vote for the legendary heel, Kid Vicious. Although he only appeared in one product this year, it was classic KV, through and through. No one else on this list takes nearly as much erotic pleasure making an opponent suffer. My second choice would see Kayden Keller jump the line ahead of both Jonny and Kid Karisma. Kayden has become one of the hardest working wrestlers in homoerotic wrestling, and like KV, he’s growing increasingly comfortable in the role of the erotic sadist. I’m guessing that the popular vote may still break Jonny or Kid Karisma’s way, and obviously they deserve the heel-appreciation. But as for me, KV remains in a league of his own, with Kayden quickly filling the void left by KV’s sparser and sparser appearances in the ring.
9. Top Babyface
The field for top babyface highlights how these awards reflect so much more about the fans than the wrestlers. Some of these guys I wouldn’t classify as babyfaces. Past winners like Biff Farrell and Jake Jenkins are as absent from the poll as they were scarce in new releases this year. So one of these guys is going to take the title for the first time:
As with the heel category, I’m picking a dark horse candidate for as much sentimental reasons as anything else. Mitch Colby epitomizes the erotic-forward babyface that can only inhabit the world of homoerotic wrestling. His epic dismantling of the legendary heel Cage Thunder demonstrates perfectly the distinction that I think so many fans struggle with in distinguishing between a hot jobber and a babyface. And as his opponent has acknowledged, Mitch was in the best shape of his life for that match. I do think it’s criminal that Christian Taylor did not make the ballot. If pressed for a second place, I’d probably go for Richie Douglas. I’m uncertain what character type Zip Zarella is growing into, but he could easily get my vote for top babyface or top heel with a couple more matches under his belt to signal his underlying moral compass. This category seems wide open for predicting a popular vote getter, but I’m thinking things could swing Richie or Mitch’s way.
10. Jobber of the Year
There’s some serious range in interpretations of a jobber among the field for Jobber of the Year. Last year’s winner Ty Alexander is back in the offing, despite his pretty decisive heel turn this year. In fact, I think at least of couple of the nominees this year lack that inevitability about them that I expect to see in a jobber. Take a look at what I’m talking about:
On the one hand, I do love watching Kirk Donahue get his awardless ass beat again and again. But honestly, the perfect depiction of a jobber is Drake’s match trying to reinvent himself as El Favorito. El Favorito is Drake’s acknowledgment that he’s a jobber, that he’s destined to get plowed under, despite his impeccable skills. Perhaps with a new name, Drake muses that he can start over as something other than a jobber. And then Thrash thrashes him like the jobber he is, in or out of a mask, under any name. If I were a betting man, I’d guess that Ty, despite openly acknowledging on tape that he is no longer a jobber, may take this again because… social media.
11. Debut of the Year
There was some insane, out of the blue drama a few months back with last year’s Debut of the Year winner, Beauxregard. The category is, by no means, a guarantee of success or respect. In some ways I think Ty Alexander may be the exception when it comes to parlaying the Debut of the Year award into a solid BGE career platform. Beaux, Kip Sorell, Eli Black… it may be possible that this is a “peaked too soon” award for most (though, of course, I’m always hoping to see Eli elevate his BGE game). So this year’s nominees should beware, take nothing for granted. Winning Debut of the Year is, at best, just the start of your hard work on the way to success. The newbies who should heed this warning include…
I’m a huge backer of most of these guys, so this is another tough call for me. When push comes to shove, I’m casting my vote for one of the classiest acts to jump over from indy pro success, Ace Aarons. Ace had the skills to turn the stink bomb of Luke Lonza into a relatively satisfying squash, because he took seriously what Luke apparently couldn’t. I’m particularly impressed with his most recent mat match, laced with tons of sweat and lust, with fellow nominee Ash DeLeon. An indy pro who successfully translates his skill set to the mat and to an erotic text is quite an impressive debut, indeed! A second place pic for me would be a close call between Ash (who suffered from having only one match published for his debut year) or Zip Zarella (who classes up the place like Ace, but without the erotic twist).
12. Best Abs
2017 provided a feast for six-pack lovers. Last year’s winner Chace LaChance failed to make the cut, and personally I think it’s largely because the competition was so spectacular this year. Also absent were previous award winners Z-Man and Eli Black. So this is another category where someone new is guaranteed to take home the trophy this year. The possible breakout abdominal stars are…
Everyone’s a winner in this category, but when I cast my ballot, I’m going to vote for Payton Meadows. Every inch of Payton is dazzlingly gorgeous, but his abs are exceptionally ripped, balanced, and abs-olutely beautiful. Please, please, please let us see more of him (in every sense of the word) next year. His releases are far too far in between. Second place for me this year is, astonishingly, not Kid K. It was Carter Alexander’s superhuman core that was the standout star of his squash against Kayden, and as I said earlier, his side tat screams for worshiping his sweaty eight-pack. Playing the odds, I’d guess that Richie Douglas could take the title in the popular voting this year, though I never count out Kid K.
13. Best Bulge
After years of there being one standout each season for best bulge, this is suddenly one of the most competitive categories. Last year’s winner, Kirk Donahue, is back to defend his title. Mr. Joshua, who wasn’t nominated last year but has owned the title more often than not, is back in contention. Cage Thunder’s throbbing rod not only blazed to full glory, but got used and abused by his babyface nemesis. And then there was the collective gasp throughout the homoerotic wrestling world when Steve Mason’s debut revealed one of the biggest power tools I’ve ever seen. The full slate looks like this…
I’m sticking with Mr. J in this year’s vote. His bulge continues to be so huge that it gets in the way of his wrestling. He continually has to adjust the packing. It walks into a room about 5 seconds before Mr. J does. And Cole Cassidy managed to display Mr. J’s legendary bulge from entirely new angles this year. I’ve got my eye on Steve Mason’s leviathan, though. I think there’s a chance I might be in the middle of the normal curve this time, and the popular vote might also swing to Mr. Joshua, though I wouldn’t be surprised to see Steve knock the competition out of his way with that billy club of his.
14. Best Butt
This is always one of the most hotly debated categories. I’ve already seen a certain nominee launch a full scale social media campaign to finally take home this trophy after coming in second place last year. Here’s who you get to pick from…
I’m more ambivalent about my vote than in past years, but honestly, who am I kidding? I’m voting for Kid Karisma’s phenomenal glutes again. They’re perfect. Magnificent, functional muscles resting atop those massive upper legs. Damn. A second place for me would be either Ty or the epic last minute debut of Noah Samson. Holy fuck, Noah’s ass is unbelievable. Not as tightly muscled and powerful, but aesthetically a work of art. I keep expecting Ty’s social media campaign to pull the rug out from beneath Kid K’s long ownership of this title. Perhaps this will be year Ty can sway a majority of voters to take their eyes off of Kid K’s glorious ass.
15. Best Body
I was so thrilled last year, after years of promoting the obvious physical perfection of Kid Karisma, that I was finally joined by a majority of voters. This year’s field is, as always, hot competition to try to wrest this oft-traded title away:
For my vote, this is a horse race between Kid Karisma and Peyton Meadows. I’d give Payton the edge for his pecs and abs, and Kid K the advantage for arms and shoulders. But the balance of power tilts on Kid K’s full, muscular leg development (including the often overlooked calves). So I’m inclined to, once again, worship at the feet of Kid K as the Best Body at BG East in 2017. Just to confirm my evaluation, I’d love to see these two physical specimens side by side… and then on top of each other, pounding into each other, squeezing, shoving, and grinding each other. As for who the popular vote will tilt toward, I most frequently guess this one wrong. But my (probably wrong) guess this year is that it will go to Kid K or, perhaps, Van, though I do think Payton is slowly accumulating an audience of gasping fans (in addition to me), with the slow trickle of his new releases over time.
This was a spectacular slate of nominees, and I’m not just saying that because I was on the nominating committee. In fact, several of my top choices changed as a result of seeing the official ballot and being reminded by other nominators of choice contenders that deserved a second look. In the coming days, I’ll keep reflecting on categories that aren’t reflected on the official ballots, but matter a lot to me. In the mean time, give your best argument (respectfully) for your votes in the comments below.
I’ve learned that discussing how I vote in the BG East Besties is dangerous territory. The longer I’ve been blogging about homoerotic wrestling, the more I’ve grown to know many of the hard working men who make it happen. They never begrudge me my vote, but when I handicap the field and disclose how I cast my ballot, I’ve needed to smooth over some ruffled feathers and tend to friendships at times. So here are some special instructions for the BG East wrestlers I know and have affection for: don’t take any of this too seriously. We love you all. This is way more about the fans than it is about you.
With that preamble out of the way, let’s dig into the Bestie nominations posted on Friday. As opposed to my own personal categories of favorites that I started sharing yesterday, these are my thoughts on those that BG East has nominated for their awards. I don’t see when polls will close, but I’ll try to make this quick so that it may inform any undecided voters looking for tips.
1. Sexiest Match
Instantly, I’m navigating those complicated waters with the first category. I’ve met six of the wrestlers involved in the six nominated matches and interviewed most of those. There’s a spectacular double debut match that burned holes in my retina it was so hot. None of these were misses, but some hit the spot just a little more squarely than others for me. The nominees are…
Ty Alexander vs. Steve Mason (Wrestleshack 21)
Drake Marcos vs. Goren Ford (X-Fights 45)
Ty Alexander vs. Bruno LaBestia (Ringwars 28)
Tommie Hawk vs. Noah Samson (Undagear 28)
Kayden Keller vs. Leon Cyrus (X-Fights 44)
Cage Thunder vs. Mitch Colby (Motel Madness 14)
When I sort through who to vote for sexiest match, I look for a match where both wrestlers express explicit, mutual lust. Kissing is nearly essential. Naked bodies and fully engaged cocks are a major plus. I want to believe that the action is stimulating the wrestlers as much as it is me. Of these nominees, the match that did this best is, arguably, Ty Alexander vs. Steve Mason in Wrestleshack 21. It hits all of my buttons, and the big (HUGE) reveal of Steve’s crotch monster is epic. My fall back option is the astonishingly sexy match between Tommie Hawk and Noah Samson in Undagear 28. Since Ty is splitting the vote this year, I’m guessing that someone else may take the popular vote, but honestly, I don’t even have a good guess as to who that will be.
2. Best Mat Battle
The best mat category is probably the most competitive for me this year. I met 5 of the hunks in these nominated matches last summer and was delighted by them all. When it comes to evaluating mat matches, I look for competitive, intimate, battles with long held moves and close ups of exquisite anguish. I like to see amateur moves translated into a gay, pro context. I prefer the serious sell, with big egos convincing me that they want it, and that the final, humiliating victory is up for grabs. The nominees this year are…
Kirk Donahue vs. Carter Alexander (Backyard Brawls 9)
Cage Thunder vs. Mitch Colby (Motel Madness 14)
Tino Valencia vs. Ski Vance (Catch Weight 8)
Austin Cooper vs. Christian Taylor (Undagear 28)
Calvin Haynes vs. Nino Leone (Catch Weight 8)
Ace Aarons vs. Ash DeLeon (Mat Rookies 3)
So much to choose from! I’m bitterly torn between Austin Cooper vs. Christian Taylor in Undagear 28 and Ace Aarons vs. Ash DeLeon in Mat Rookies 3. My hunch is that when it comes time to pull the lever, I’ll go with the shockingly intense Undagear match with that sensationally surprising ending. My hunch is that the popular vote will swing to Austin and Christian as well, as two of the popular headliners that regularly draw the fans (an advantage over Ace and Ash). Cage and Mitch’s match is, however, already the stuff of legends. But if you really like shocking endings, Calvin and Nino’s battle is soooo sweetly surprising. Damn. This category is tough for me.
3. Best Ring Match
In judging the quality of a ring match, I’m looking for a match that exploits the context. I want a match that treats pro wrestling with the respect it deserves. I like to see power and speed, with a strong narrative and larger than life characters. The nominees for best ring match are…
Joey King vs. Zip Zarella (Ring Kings)
Jonny Firestorm vs. Kirby Stone (Pros in Private 11)
Kid Karisma vs. Jobe Zander (Bulge Battles 1)
Kid Karisma vs. Ethan Andrews (Heel Bash 2)
Cole Cassidy vs. Joshua Goodman (Ringwars 26)
Toney Rico vs. Chase Addams (Ringwars 28)
Another highly competitive slate! Kid Karisma may split his vote. My vote will almost certainly go with Toney Rico vs. Chase Addams in Ringwars 28 this year (see my review for all of the reasons). Kid K and Jobe is awfully close, though. Jonny vs. Kirby has got to be the best ring wrestling of the year, but the narrative isn’t as colorful as Toney and Chase’s. Cole and Joshua put together the most colorful characters and delightful drama, but the wrestling isn’t as pro-forward. My very tentative guess as to who the majority will break for is Jonny and Kirby, mostly based on the hardcore Jonny fanatics out there.
4. Best Squash
My least favorite category. Though I know a lot of you love a good squash. I guess when squashes work for me, I have a reason to both particularly want to see the victim suffer and the dominator dish it out. I also need to be convinced by the stud on the receiving end. Squashes can become boring for me, so the guy getting squashed needs to seriously convince me that he’s hurting, and he’s not phoning it in. This year’s nominees are…
Kayden Keller vs. Carter Alexander (Wrestler Spotlight: Kayden)
Thrash vs. El Favorito (Masked Mayhem 12)
Kid Karisma vs. Reese Wells (Ringwars 27)
Lane Hartley vs. Kirk Donahue (Demolition 22)
Kid Vicious vs. Devon Britt-Darby (Gut Bash 13)
Cap Landon vs. Kelly King (Knock Outs 3)
My choice is Kayden vs. Carter in Kayden’s Wrestler Spotlight. While I do love watching Kayden dig back from a deficit, I never grow tired of watching him plow pretty boys under. I’ve also had a craving to watch Carter getting hurt ever since he let slip in his match with Kid Karisma that he not-so-secretly (anymore) enjoys getting his hair pulled as he’s dominated. For a squash, Kayden keeps the pace intense, and Carter suffers exquisitely. He has this choking, half-laugh sob that makes my crotch twitch. A close second place in this category for me is Thrash vs. El Favorito, though El Favorito has more offense than I typically credit to a squash. Same goes for Kid K vs. Reese. I’ll guess the majority will break either for Kayden and Carter or Lane and Kirk, depending on whether the tide breaks for the leaning-to-erotic or the hardcore indy pro vibe.
5. Best Submissions
Somehow making this category plural clears up my confusion about how to evaluate it. I’m using a standard of making my pick based on the number, variety, and creativity of submissions in a given match. The nominees for the match with the best submissions this year are…
Austin Cooper vs. Christian Taylor (Undagear 28)
Tino Valencia vs. Skip Vance (Catch Weight 8)
Kayden Keller vs. Richie Douglas (Kayden’s Wrestling Spotlight)
Jonny Firestorm vs. Kirby Stone (Pros in Private 11)
Joey King vs. Zip Zarella (Ring Kings)
Chase Addams vs. Charlie Evans (Ring Rookies 5)
By a long shot, for this category I’m going with Jonny vs. Kirby in Pros in Private 11. The submissions fly nearly frantically, except everything is polished, exacting, and precise. Both of these pros are marvelously talented, and they bring out the best (and worst) in each other. It’s just an added bonus that Kirby’s ass drives me crazy. When it comes to the rest of the field, my next choice is a tie between Chase and Charlie and Joey and Zip. I won’t be surprised if Jonny and Kirby win this category, but if not, I suspect it could swing Austin and Christian’s way.
6. Hottest Liplock
When I’m deciding which wrestling liplock is hottest, I’m looking for passion. I prefer liplocks harshly ambivalent, with equal parts rage and lust. The nominees this year are as follows…
Christian Taylor vs. Mason Brooks (Bedroom Brawl 3)
Calvin Haynes vs. Nino Leone (Catch Weight 8)
Ash DeLeon vs. Ace Aarons (Mat Rookies 3)
Lauden Sevior vs. Drake Marcos (Undagear 27)
Nino Leone vs. Bruno LaBestia (Wrestleshack 21)
Ty Alexander vs. Steve Mason (Wrestleshack 21)
I’m solidly voting for Ash and Ace in Mat Rookies 3. Talk about a gorgeous concoction of passionate lust and passionate aggression! Damn. A runner-up option for me would be Lauden and Drake. I don’t know who the popular vote will follow, but if I had to guess, I’d say Ty and Steve, based mostly on Ty’s get-out-the-vote credentials.
7. Best Overall Match
This category seems self-explanatory. I feel obligated to swing toward one of the “Best of” matches I’ve already picked, though there are a couple of matches in this category that weren’t nominated above, which makes open to a dark horse pick in my mind. In any case, this is the slate of nominees:
Cole Cassidy vs. Joshua Goodman (Ringwars 26)
Jonny Firestorm vs. Kirby Stone (Pros in Private 11)
Ty Alexander vs. Bruno LaBestia (Ringwars 28)
Austin Cooper vs. Christian Taylor (Undagear 28)
Kid Karisma vs. Jobe Zander (Bulge Battles 1)
Kid Karisma vs. Reese Wells (Ringwars 27)
So yes to all of the above, but of these options, I’m going with Kid K vs. Jobe in Bulge Battles 1. This was a sensational match against two astonishingly accomplished homoerotic wrestling veterans. The suspense is fantastic. The action is graphic. The personalities are over the top in a way that only the likes of Kid K and Jobe can quite pull off. Second place for me is somewhere between Cole and Mr. Joshua, Jonny and Kirby, and Austin and Christian. My hunch is that Kid K splits his vote again and neither of his matches take the category. Instead, I think Cole and Mr. Joshua might pull of an upset, based on the fevered pleasure both Alex and I have for that match, though again, there’s Ty and his aggressive get-out-the-vote campaign.
So that’s my take on the first half of the ballot. What’s yours?
October was not the best month in homoerotic wrestling history for me, as a viewer. One reason for this fact is that I was crazy busy, as evidenced by the sparse posting here. But of the new release homoerotic wrestling I did watch in October, I have to say nothing grabbed me with a passion that I typically enjoy when I make a Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month designation. There are some hot hunks who I’m keeping my eye on, who had matches in October, but even when I went back to check the record and dig into the October new releases I missed in real time, it felt like way too much of an effort to justify naming a HWOTM among them. So for just the second time (that I can remember), I’m leaving the title unclaimed for October.
However, with that vacancy, I’m exercising my authorial prerogative to anoint two HWOTM title winners for November. Before you bitch and moan about this being some miscarriage of justice, please see my extensive comments throughout the years reminding you that this is my blog. I make the rules. I break the rules. Today, I lift up the first HWOTM title winner for a November new release…
There are so many reasons Kid K remains my favorite homoerotic wrestler, topping that chart for, I believe, longer than anyone else ever has. When he squares off in the ring against Jobe Zander in Bulge Battles 1, Kid K is physically as on point as ever. Every angle of this muscled Adonis is perfection, as far as I’m concerned. You know the Besties are just around the corner, and it should come as little surprise that I’m lobbying hard to Kid Karisma to repeat his Best Body win from last year.
There’s something particularly tasty about the contrast between Kid Karisma’s perpetually precise physical perfection and his extravagant, color-outside-the-lines ring persona. When Jobe takes an initial advantage and starts immediately choking him across the rope, Kid K reverses, tosses the loudmouth into the corner, and shoulder blocks the fuck out of his gut with those gargantuan deltoid muscles of his. Trapped in the corner, Jobe bitches, “You are disobeying all the rules of conduct,” which I think could be the tagline to every Kid Karisma match ever. He’s impeccably detailed and recklessly raucous, both. Kid K is lusciously pretty when it comes to still frame aesthetics, and willfully ugly when it comes to overwhelming brutality.
Bulge Battles 1 is not a typical Kid Karisma match, however, because Jobe is not your typical opponent. For that matter, this is not your typical Jobe Zander. Jobe has been dragging around that growing chip on his shoulder for his past several matches, which is understandable. He gets precious little respect. He’s a sensational wrestler and much larger than life showman, absolutely tailor made for the pro ring. But his incredible assets are repeatedly overlooked once he inevitably lets his out of control ego and self-infatuation with his dick distract him from sealing the deal. It’s as predictable as gravity. Jobe is going to dazzle and destroy, but in the end, he’ll get humiliated due mostly to his own unforced errors. But in Bulge Battles he’s more decisive than ever. He’s more confident than cocky, which is something I’m sure I’ve never seen before from him at BG East. A few minutes of hard back and forth action, and I’m totally buying the story that Kid K is in for one of his toughest matches, and Jobe could very well finally, at long, long last, revive his abysmal match record.
To be clear, I passionately love watching Kid K in the driver’s seat. That said, as he takes harder and harder knocks from Jobe and suffers harder and harder, I am so turned on. It’s not that I stop pulling for my favorite wrestler to win, but I’m thrilled to see the deep, dark hole Jobe is digging for him to try his best to climb out of. When Jobe drives Kid K face-first into the mat and than starts stomping the living fuck out of those massive rugby thighs, there’s such a sweet look of panic on KK’s face as he literally crawls across the mat. He yanks down Kid K’s knee pad and digs his knuckles into the ligaments. Finally, an opponent has cottoned on that if Kid K can’t walk, all of that gargantuan power he has packed into his legs lies useless. Jobe manhandles one of the most dominant muscle hunks in competition with authority, bringing tears to KK’s eyes in crotch pillow headscissors. He shoves KK’s terrified face into the Centerpiece, finally putting that insanely proportioned package to its offensive advantage.
Jobe’s stock price is skyrocketing the more he’s plowing Kid K under. But honestly, Kid K’s stock price, already at record highs for me, is steadily rising as well, because he suffers in a pool of his own sweat and tears so poignantly. When Jobe twists him into a pretzel in a Boston crab, Kid K lets out a wounded scream of anguish. Jobe likes the sound, so he reaches down and claws the fuck out of KK’s balls and demands to hear more screams. Incredibly, Kid K obeys. It’s not like it’s a voluntary choice. He’s just selling this epic vulnerability at the hands of a shockingly dominant opponent that magnificently. I am actually putting the odds of even Kid K pulling out a come from behind victory at less than 50:50 at this point in the match. Against Jobe. What the fuck?! This is such sweet suspense!
Just when Jobe is bullying him with complete control, throwing him into the ropes and impaling Kid Karisma’s sensational six-pack with his knee, KK soars into a gorgeous flying drop kick. It’s a total gut check reversal of fortune that makes me cheer out loud. KK is far from being out of the woods. Just when he’s dangling his own but of meat in Jobe’s face, Jobe abuses his balls viciously. It’s not a turn on a dime scenario, but a gritty, mean, ego bruising back and forth that’s so compelling to watch. Kid K is back in it, giving and taking, and I’m giving him a 70:30 likelihood of pulling this out in the end, which is still shocking, when you check their relative careers.
In the end, Kid K pulverizes Jobe. The cocky humiliation in the final moments is so much sweeter having watched Kid K on the brink, having seen Jobe literally spank his world class ass. It’s not just my cock giving a standing ovation as Kid K pries apart Jobe’s legs and slapping the fuck out of Jobe’s big balls. He wedgies Jobe’s trunks and spanks his sweaty ass in sensationally sweet retribution.
“Pretty boys rock,” Kid Karisma explains in the fading moments of this match. And all of the grief I get for crushing on pretty boys feels redeemed. This match answers the age old question of what happens when a jobber with one of the biggest cocks in the business faces a heel with the tastiest muscle butts in the world. And that answer is that pretty boys rock. Congratulations to my first 5-time HWOTM title winner and still reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma.
I thought I’d better post something before someone prematurely starts writing my obituary. I’m still adjusting to offline changes in my life, but I’m also happily carving out stolen moments here and there to enjoy watching hot wrestling. My thanks to those who periodically check-in when you notice I’m quiet for a while. It’s always nice to be missed. And a big word of humble gratitude to man-of-my-dreams Scott Williams who not only noticed my absence, not only dropped a comment on the blog asking how I’m doing, but also let me know that he’s thinking about arranging an opportunity for me to see him wrestle in person.
Fuck, that’ll bring me back from death’s doorstep anytime. Honestly, if you ever find me in cardiac arrest, skip the CPR and just get Scott Williams on the line letting me know when and where I can get a live show of him making Ty Alexander cry and beg. I guarantee you that’ll be an instant miracle cure.
If you know me, you know I’ve got opinions piling up about the best and brightest new releases that have come out over the past couple of months. While I’m assembling my thoughts and trying to sort through a backlog of reviews, this post is mostly just to let you know I’m still kicking. And in that spirit, here are some hot, decisive kicks that make my heart beat harder.
June’s new releases in the homoerotic wrestling universe were outstanding. It’s one of those months that makes me question the self-imposed constraints of calling out just one hot hunk to laud, but I’m probably more loyal to my habits than to my sense of fairness, when it comes right down to it. So backing myself into a corner, I still enthusiastically come out swinging with an adamant and definitive name for the newest homoerotic wrestler of the month…
I was just saying a few days ago that Kid Karisma is not only my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, he’s also been in the extremely exclusive ranks of 3-time HWOTM winners. With his magnificent showing in Ring Wars 27, Kid K not only retains his grip as my longest running favorite wrestler title holder, he elevates himself to the only wrestler, to date, to claim his 4th HWOTM title.
I honestly pushed play on Ring Wars 27 half expecting Reese Wells to be the one to make a serious run for HWOTM title. I’ve been infatuated with Reese and his peekaboo peaked biceps since the first time I caught sight of him years ago debuting at RHW. He shows up to wrestle Kid Karisma ripped as fuck, somehow prettier and more sexually provocative than I’ve ever noticed before. He’s the perfect babyface. From the neck up, he looks like he’s just barely reached the age of majority. From the neck down, he’s all man, with a body built for nothing else but this hybrid gay porn/pro wrestling universe that you and I call home. Reese has got legitimate skills. He’s been dissected by the most dominating heels at BGE repeatedly, but he still manages to arrive with an air of possibility about him. I like seeing him smile, so I’m always excited to see if the boy wonder can build some momentum to permit him those rare, exquisite moments of joy when his lips curl in sadistic delight and he flashes a double bicep, magically turning his seemingly skinny arms into gorgeously peaked mountains. As testimony to his skill and sell, I can totally entertain the idea that he could back even the likes of Kid Karisma to the very edge of the upset of the decade with that killer bod and boy scout earnestness to grab the ring of wrestling glory.
Then Kid Karisma arrives on the scene. Maybe I’m just projecting, but it seems to me like every last ounce of tasty veal steak Reese Wells inspires Kid K to a fevered passion we don’t always see. Reese’s clenched-jaw earnestness and aspirations bring a grin to Kid K’s face. And this meaty morsel motivates the 2016 Best Body and many-times-over Best Butt winner to make this match one of the sexiest, most brutal foreplay sessions I’ve watched in a while. If I had to guess, I’d say Kid K did his homework and, in particular, studied Reese’s career-defining Ball Bash 2 match against 2016 Best Heel award winner, Jonny Firestorm. Because Kid K turns early and often to working Reese’s package. And by working, I mean an expert concoction of massaging, slapping, coaxing and clawing that turns the boy wonder into a twitching, desperate fallen angel groaning in equal parts sexual arousal and corporal anguish.
There’s little mystery, moments into the match, that it’s Kid Karisma’s to lose. He manhandles the boy wonder magnificently. He can shot put the kid across the ring at will. A few times that Reese digs in to make some offense happen, Kid K seems to go along for the ride, just to see what Reese can do, but most of the time he finally scoffs, slaps him down, and literally laughs in the kid’s face. You can never accuse Kid Karisma of a lack of confidence.
You can, however, document the moment in about half of Kid K’s matches when his cockiness blurs into overconfidence, and he leaves himself open for a skilled, aggressive opponent like Reese to exploit his overreaches. Frankly, I think it’s an absolutely essential ingredient to Kid K’s repertoire, that he repeatedly teeters on the edge of giving away the farm because he believes too completely in the fawning, gushing PR of adoring fans like me. Reese stays alert for precisely those moments. At one point, Kid K is bitching about his hair getting messed up, staring fixedly into the mirror to try to return to the physical perfection that he started with, when Reese tries for a sucker kick. Kid K turns just in time, catching Reese’s boot in mid-air and smirking. The smirk is summarily erased by Reese spinning like a fucking ninja in mid-air, pounding his other boot into the side of Kid K’s handsome face, and knocking the powerhitter to the mat. Those aforementioned moments of my delight when I get to watch Reese smile and flex and smirk with the wind at his back show up a couple of times in this match. He doesn’t just score multiple pin falls on Kid Karisma, he folds him into a small package and pounds out a stunning, totally dominating 10-count pin.
That passion I mentioned from Kid Karisma really kicks in after his humiliating 10-count pin. He is all OVER the boy wonder. Reese is pounded corner to corner and all parts in between. He tweaks and taunts Reese’s taut quarter nipples. About a gallon of sweat (most of it Kid K’s) soaks Reese’s white briefs transparent, and our raging heel can’t take his eyes or hands off of the swollen cock head outlined underneath. Frankly, I imagine Kid K can be a gentle lover under the right conditions. But there’s something about the ferocity with which he takes possession of his audacious opponent that makes me think he’s more than happy with an aggro fuck on the tasty little muscle ass of any fitness freak cherubic wunderkind who dares to humiliate him in his own ring. The bearhugs last for days, with Reese thrashing and writhing in the crushing embrace of Kid K’s gargantuan arms. When Kid K squats low, his award winning ass cheeks squeezed out over the top of his tiny black trunks, Reese leans back and lets loose a primal scream that could equally be sexual ecstasy or mortal agony. The position is the perfect marriage of pro wrestling and sex. Kid K clearly isn’t literally fucking the boy wonder is mid air, but the thrill on his face makes me think he’d like to. And, knowing Reese’s penchant for being aroused by cock and ball teasing and punishment (a la Ball Bash 2), I have a strong suspicion he’d be on board for the ride as well.
You can tell how much Kid Karisma wants the boy wonder’s ass by how determined he is to expose it. Repeatedly, he wedgies Reese’s soaked briefs way high up his ass crack. At one point, Reese has the audacity to reach down and dig them partially out, managing to cover back up one sweet, hairy cheek before Kid K interrupts him. “What are you doing!?” KK demands. It’s an unspoken law of homoerotic wrestling that any hunk who takes the time to dig out a wedgie in order to cover his ass back up deserves not just to lose, but to be viciously, erotically, totally humiliated. Kid K knows the rules, and he’s more than happy to be the enforcer, slapping Reese’s hand away and nearly ripping the kid’s briefs apart by the seams, resecuring the wedgie twice as high.
It’s not so surprising that Kid Karisma’s victory in Ring Wars 27 is absolute and domineering. I think he’s the most underrated dominant heel at BG East, and Reese’s hot fantasy body is just one more trophy in an entire wing of trophy cases at chez Karisma. But what isn’t always a given is that Kid K will take it personally as much as he does in this match. The overtly sexual content laced with fuck stakes implications isn’t always this evident.
“You’re cute,” Kid Karisma mutters as he stares down at his unconscious, entirely vanquished opponent in the end. It’s less like a compliment and more like he’s sizing up what’s on the menu. “I hate fucking bitches,” he snarls angrily, still bitter about getting upended by his own hubris. He leaves the destroyed boy wonder in the middle of the ring, but flips him a “fuck you” middle finger farewell that perfectly sums up the vibe from this match. Aggro fuck foreplay.
Kid Karisma is simply perfection. The Best Body award seems the most contentious one each year, but take a look at his gargantuan shoulders and arms, his meaty, perfectly symmetrical pecs, his incredibly ripped torso narrowing and narrowing to the point that his tiny waist rests on the juiciest, most spectacular shelf of ass muscle ever, all the way down to his huge, Rugby-built legs. I’m still waiting for another muscle worship raffle to get my hands on 2016’s Best Body, because I’ll go bankrupt winning that lottery. In the mean time, pucker up and get ready to kiss the world class ass of the ONLY hunk who has earned his 4th homoerotic wrestler of the month title and is, more than 3 years running, STILL my overall favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma.
In all honesty, I admit that I sometimes engage in borderline stalking to line up an interview. Nothing too creepy. At least, I hope not. But I sleuth around a bit to try to finagle contact information for a wrestler I’m wanting to chat up (for journalistic purposes, of course). So, sometimes my interviews emerge from what feels like a lot of effort, tedious legwork, and more than a hefty dose of flattery and persuasion to get a hunk to let me pepper him with questions. But then again, sometimes it just seems to happen organically. Show up someplace. Someone looks familiar, but I’m struggling to put my finger on how I recognize him. Start up a chat, and next thing I know, I discover that I’m already enjoying getting to know a hot hunk who also just happens to appear stripped to next to nothing and working up a sweat in wrestling competition on a homoerotic wrestling site I frequent. It was more that second scenario that landed me a delightful on-the-record interview with none other than BG East babyface badboy, the rosy cheeked Canadian, Hawk Rodman. He’s relatively new to the scene, thus my delayed recognition. I admit to being more than a little curious about Hawk, based on his wrestling resume at BG East and some backstory provided by the BGE website. Since I’ve written my share of those BGE website match descriptions, I know for a fact that they can sometimes include some strategic embellishments of wrestlers’ histories, so I was fascinated to see how well the PR lines up with the man named Hawk. Once we sorted out how our world’s overlap, this was how the conversation went when he agreed to go on the record:
Bard: Hawk Rodman, I’m always excited to get the chance to talk to an up-and-comer at BG East. In your match with Skip Vance, he mentions that you’re Canadian. How does someone from notoriously well-mannered, low-key Canada find his way into the brutal, nasty, vicious world of BG East wrestling?
Hawk: Good question. When I became aware and fell in love with all aspects of BG, I emailed the Boss and told him how much I love the matches BG offers. He promptly wrote back and we connected in a chatroom. After much chatting he invited me to Pembroke to film some matches.
Bard: The match description online for your debut match against Jonny Firestorm says that you intended from the start to build a career as a heel. What attracts you about the role of a pro wrestling heel?
Hawk: Being a heel comes naturally to me, despite my low-key upbringing. I have a dominant streak that must be satisfied and usually does. People often don’t catch on to that side of me, but they learn quickly.
Bard: I could definitely see that. I hope you don’t mind me saying that you have a handsome, baby face, so it’s that much more exciting to watch you lick your lips and really sink your teeth into little Skip Vance in your Wrestle Shack match. Does it work in your favor, when opponents don’t recognize how badass you are at first?
Hawk: Well, thank you. I enjoyed sinking my teeth into little Skip. He was a great opponent and sexy as hell. Oftentimes, it does work in my favor, and other times I get my ass beat, like with Jonny.
Bard: Damn, you got mauled by Jonny! What an epic beat down! Were you rethinking this whole foray into BG East wrestling by the end of that match?
Hawk: Oh, hell no! I had my ass served to me on a platter, but wouldn’t trade it for anything. Have to be able to take it as well and dish it out.
Bard: Well, the beating you take in that match is breathtaking to watch. Jonny is in rare form, and you just keep egging him on. Even when you concede, you’re swearing at him. Did you pick up any of Jonny’s deep bag of tricks on the receiving end of that beat down?
Hawk: Jonny is one of a kind! I was more focused on surviving that match and coming out in one piece!
Bard: Were you so focused on surviving that you weren’t even aware of just how hot Jonny’s body is? Because I could swear I noticed you copping a feel of his hot ass on more than one occasion, which, frankly, I think is pure genius.
Hawk: (laughing) I was more than aware, and, yes, I was sampling that hot ass. I may have been down, but not dead.
Bard: (laughing) Genius! Any wrestler who has his wits about him enough to get the shit kicked out of him and still grab a hot ass in the process is my hero! I also don’t know that I’ve ever seen Jonny’s bulge so… bulging as it was in your match with him. How was it for you, when he was schoolboy pinning you and slapping down that massively stuffed pouch across your face?
Hawk: It felt more like a reward as opposed to the humiliating pin that it was. I certainly wasn’t complaining!
Bard: Although it was a very different match, I also didn’t get a sense that you had any complaints about your match with Skip Vance, either. The sexual tension in the wrestle shack was palpable before you two even started wrestling!
Hawk: Yes we could taste the tension, and I was very eager to own him! He has quite the super twink body with a hot little ass.
Bard: It was fabulous to see your darker side in this match. Again, you’ve got that baby face, and then that’s such a contrast to when you really start to bully Skip. A couple of times you grab him by the back of the neck and toss his skinny body into a wall, and it’s so sexy to watch. Does taking ownership of an opponent like that turn you on?
Hawk: That “dark side,” as you put it, is my true self shining through. Dominate your opponent and own him, as much as the match permits. Yes, it does turn me on.
Bard: I’ve got a little trigger response to hearing Skip cry in pain, so you can just imagine how aroused I was throughout that match. He’s most definitely no pushover, though. He’s scrappy and surprisingly strong for his size. Is it hotter for you when an opponent makes you work that hard for it, or would you just as soon squash him like a bug and take possession of your prize?
Hawk: Definitely just squash him like an insect and take ownership! That rarely happens though. The one-sided squash isn’t that common especially for new guys. You have to show what you’re made of, what you can bring to the ring. Often times you’re wrestling a hotter opponent, and if you can make him look good, hopefully he will return the favor. As long as I win more than I loose.
Bard: Well, I would not be one to argue that you are an ounce less hot than Skip. And when you are really plowing into him near the end, totally in control, wearing him the fuck out, you are sensationally hot to watch dominating him. There’s this moment where you’ve just choked him to yet another whimpering, crying submission, and he bitches at you about not being able to breathe. You literally slap him in the face and ask, “You think I want you to breathe!?” Right at that moment, you can watch Skip’s smart ass, fun-and-games clowning around come to a screeching halt. … I’m supposed to be asking you a question here, but I’m realizing that I just want to fawn a little bit over how sexy you are in the saddle!
Hawk: Glad you liked the match. It was a lot of fun to wrestle him! I think it was a good showcase for both of us.
Bard: And speaking of your win-loss record, your most recent match against Fabrice was a nail-biter to the very bitter end. You struggled against his super sexy, incredibly lean body to generate some momentum. How was Fabrice able to derail you?
Hawk: He was another great opponent. It was a good back and forth match, and I will admit that he won, although I want a rematch ASAP. I may have been a bit overconfident and mildly distracted by his tight body.
Bard: Fabrice has got to know that his ass comes nowhere close to being contained in those ultra skinny tights of his, doesn’t he? Is he intentionally distracting, or is it possible he doesn’t know just how hot he is?
Hawk: He’s quite modest and humble, and I think he might not know just how hot he is. He’s seems to gravitate towards those skin tights, though (laughing).
Bard: It’s pretty sensational to watch Fabrice celebrate his victory by climbing on and grinding into your sexy ass, but I have to admit that I’m partial to watching you at the end of your match with Skip, thrusting crotch-to-crotch and sucking his tonsils out. Since you have your eye on your win-loss record, who else would you like to pound into whimpering, slack-jawed submission at BG East?
Bard: You will! And you have impeccable taste. Payton Meadows is another dazzling hunk who made a huge impression on me last year. I think I remember from the match descriptions online that Payton is another Canadian. Do you and he travel in the same circles?
Hawk: Yes, we do. I’d say chances are high that we could meet this summer. He is incredible! I have a few ideas that I want to float by him, to make it as hot as possible!
Bard: Incredible, to say the least! Talk about distracting! Please tell me this “meeting” will be on camera, because I am dying to see someone appreciate his muscled ass the way it so abundantly deserves.
Hawk: Certainly hope so! There’s so much of him to appreciate, too.
Bard: Your first three matches have been remarkably different, in outcome and in style. Do you see yourself more as a ring wrestler or a mat wrestler at this point in your career?
Hawk: More of a mat wrestler, mainly because I hardly ever get experience in the ring! Hopefully that will change this summer…you never know.
Bard: So, the longer we talk, the more I keep marveling at how easy going and low key you are. So Canadian! Would the people you interact with, day in and day out, ever guess that you are actually a hot, fierce, erotic wrestler who gets off on conquering and claiming opponents?
Hawk: Only my best friend knows that. The calm, quiet side of me is what I am known for. Typical Canadian eh?!
Bard: Well, this Yankee’s stereotype of a typical Canadian. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions about your body?
Hawk: Go right ahead.
Bard: Well, let me start by saying it’s hot as fuck. You’re significantly beefier in your most recent match with Fabrice than in your older matches with Jonny and Skip. Are you intentionally building muscle mass for the mat?
Hawk: Thanks for saying that. I’m trying to build mass in general; not an easy feat when you are naturally lean. Although it does come in handy on the mat!
Bard: That’s exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if you’re facing down Charlie Evans or MJ Vergara, you could be super lean and still completely physically dominate, at least when it comes to sheer size. But Brad Rochelle or Kid Karisma or even Christian Taylor have enough weight and height advantage to make being lean a tough row to hoe for an aspiring heel like you.
Hawk: Exactly my thinking! Christian has the height working for him, but it would be a fair fight. I’d have to play dirty if I wanted a decent shot at Brad and Kid K! No problem there.
Bard: God, I love the sound of that. There are quite a few hot muscleboys on your wish list. Do you have a “type” that you prefer?
Hawk: I suppose a good, defined body to beat on and torture, is what I prefer. Not too fussy.
Bard: So let’s say you’ve got Kid Karisma beaten down. First of all, an incredibly rare accomplishment, but for the sake of argument, let’s jump to that point in the match. The momentum is all yours, but he hasn’t conceded yet. He’s still a smart ass. Still talking trash and refusing to accept the inevitable. What would be your go-to submission hold to wring a screaming submission out of Kid K’s divinely muscled body?
Hawk: Good choice in victims! I would have to keep it simple and go with a camel/choke combo. Tighten it and relax just before a tap, repeat three times to wear him down to submission. Then take advantage of him, strip him, get naked myself and have some fun, cock to cock and liplocked.
Bard: Fuck! I swoon. You are so completely blowing me away. On the one hand you come across so charming and unassuming, downright demure. Then you scratch just beneath the surface and there’s this magnificently hot, aggressive, hungry grappler who can’t wait to get his hands (and the rest of your body) all over an opponent. The boys at BGE have no idea what’s in store for them, do they?
Hawk: Some of them don’t.
Bard: I cannot wait to watch you tear someone apart again. I know you said you aren’t fussy, but I’m hoping to see you get your hands (and lips) all over some serious BGE muscle. And I will personally start a GoFundMe page to pay you a bonus to be the first to strip Kid Karisma naked and grind him into the mat!
Hawk: It gets better and better! I love destroying some serious muscle!
Bard: I predict great things for you, Hawk Rodman. Is there anything else that you think fans should know about you, in order to understand what makes you tick?
Hawk: I think you covered all the bases. I’ve enjoyed chatting with you!
Bard: It’s been a huge pleasure for me. You’re generous with your time and kind with my fawning appreciation. You’re polite and articulate. All that, paired with a scorching hot compulsion to erotically dominate an opponent, makes you a sensational wrestler to watch. Thanks for your time!
The Best of BG East in 2016 has already been announced! Damn, that was fast. Clearly, I get into awards season heavily, so of course I need to debrief.
Biff’s ascendancy to the throne as Top Babyface is a remarkable rise for last year’s Debut of the Year winner. Seriously, we’ve been lusting after this gorgeous muscle man for less than two years! And just like that, he steps in, yanks the title from longtime title holder Jake Jenkins, and slaps JJ to the curb. There’s a reason that I let alliteration go fucking nuts when I’m talking about big, blond, blue-eyed, buff, bulging, beautiful babyfaced Biff.
With no defending title holders in the pool, Chace LaChance muscled his washboard right onto the throne as having the best abs. I had guessed that Chace might leverage his army of body worshipping fans to fill this vacuum.
Fuck, yeah! I have been arguing for years that Kid Karisma had the best body from top to bottom, and I’m thrilled that the court of public opinion has finally agreed with me. Last year’s winner, Chace, wasn’t even nominated, which certainly begs the question of who would fans want to worship more today. And there’s absolutely no other possible way to resolve this question than a jock strap wrestling match in the ring. And I STILL say Kid K’s body would rock the competition out cold.
Honestly, I’m unaccustomed to being so much in the majority when it comes to the Besties. But like me, a whole lot of the rest of you also noticed Kirk Donahue’s gargantuan bulge this year. I can think of no hotter scenario than Pete Sharp and Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) coming back in 2017 for a 3 way bulge off.
I’m shocked and aroused to learn that Guido Genatto just got beaten by Jonny Firestorm for the title to Top Heel. I said that if anyone could do it, it would be Jonny. Guido is loud, and huge, and nasty, but Jonny just shut the Dirty Daddy up but good by taking the title.
Again, I say, fuck, yeah! At what point do we just name this the Kid Karisma award? I’m thrilled to be with the herd in getting behind (and I mean, close behind) Kid K’s glorious glutes for yet another year as Best Butt. I know of at least 2 former contenders who didn’t get nominated who are bitter as shit, but not me. I’m just leaning back, a little light headed, and soaking in the sight of the Eighth Wonder of the World, Kid K’s unsurpassed ass.
Again, I was consistent with the popular vote in calling Ty Alexander Top Jobber yet again. On the one hand, it’s a dubious distinction to be a Top Jobber repeat. No one exactly likes to lose, do they? On the other hand, a jobber of Ty’s quality can make even a train wreck of a match compelling. And I predict that if he keeps that bleach blond ‘do, he’ll get his ass spanked relentlessly yet again in 2017.
I hedged my bets big time in the Debut of the Year category, but true enough, my vote didn’t swing things Chase Addams’ way. Instead, it was one of the other hot newcomers I thought was in contention taking the title this year, rock hard Beauxregard. I love what he brings to the table, and I think all of BG East is better for it. I’m looking forward to seeing what big Beaux accomplishes in 2017.
Congratulations to Jonny and Calvin for taking the enigmatic title of Best Submission of 2016. I had my eye on another contender, but it’s not so surprising that the bad ass who just took the title as Top Heel would lock down the Best Submission follow up. And there’s no arguing that he fucking brutalizes doe eyed babyface Calvin.
A hearty congratulations to Kayden Keller and Debut of the Year winner Beauxregard on taking home the title for Sexiest Match of the year. It was a scorching hot field of contenders, and though I didn’t side with the majority on this one, there’s no denying they slapped down what was almost certainly the most explicit, sweaty, sexy assed heel on heel beatdown of the year. Well earned praise for KayK and a super hot haul for Beaux’s first year in the business.
I wasn’t playing coy with just how infatuated I was with this match, so I’m thrilled no end to see it take the Best Ring Match title. If even one of the four of these young studs was a weak link in the chain, a complex tag team melodrama like this could have easily been a dud. But every one of the wrestlers in this match earned every praise and every award it got. Now when do we get to see Team All-Americans tear into the tag team ranks again?
Kip Sorell got squashed like a bug by Flash LaCash, and fans picked it as the best of 2016. I’m generally lukewarm on this genre in general, but I get it. This is a hot match. My vote went elsewhere, but I’m so not in the mainstream when it comes to squashes in general, I’m not too surprised.
This was a close second choice for me, but I was irked not to get a chance to vote for what I thought was an even sexier Drake Marcos match. In any case, kudos to Drake and Ethan for nailing down this victory with gallons of sweat and tears and some damn fine mat wrestling. This was super competitive, brutal, and sexy as fuck.
I didn’t vote with the majority in this category, either, but there’s no denying the remarkable passion in that pumping, grinding, grunting make out session between Christian Taylor and Calvin Haynes. I’m thrilled to see both Christian and Calvin starring in multiple award winners this year. And when it comes to liplocks, really… is anyone a loser?
Chace continued to show off his blazing fan power with a win in the category of Best Spotlight. I had this as a third place on my score card, so I clearly broke with the herd. But the definition of a wrestler spotlight is fan power, so congratulations to Chace and all of the opponents who made this DVD a winner.
You don’t know how thrilled I am to see fans select the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19 as the Best Overall Match of 2016. It got universally rave reviews from all of us who take the time to blog about this stuff. I’m pleased as punch that fans were of like mind with us bloggers, and I hope it does nothing but push for more tag team matches, more selfies, and much, much more of Christian Taylor, Charlie Evans, Ty Alexander, and Chase Addams.
Congratulations to everyone who won, and to all the nominees. It was an outstanding year at BG East, precisely because everyone in front of the camera and everyone behind the camera did such an excellent job producing high quality homoerotic wrestling of that flavor that only BG East can quite manage. I would argue there are no losers here.