This summer I received the golden ticket I’ve been dreaming of for pretty much my entire adult life. BG East Boss Kid Leopard extended the invitation for me to be on site during a week of recording new matches. I was able to take a day for this latest pilgrimage to the BG East compound outside of Boston, and it was everything I’d hoped for and significantly more. Gorgeous, hot hunks were arriving throughout the day. The Boss was there (of course). Pretty much every formal member of Bard’s homoerotic wrestling boyband was on hand, as well as several honorary inductees. In other words, I was in heaven.
I have a lot of reflections I’ll share about my latest BG East pilgrimage in the coming weeks, about the business, about wrestlers, about fans, about me. But to kick off my debriefing of this epic experience, I want to jump right into the most enjoyable part of the visit: the interviews. I charmed several of these gorgeous men into agreeing to sit down with me at the lakeshore and answer some questions. They were generous, playful, flirtatious even. And several of them were open to letting me record our interviews and make the audio file available here on the blog.
The first interview I want to share was with stunningly sexy Kayden Keller. I tend to think of Kayden as relatively reticent in action, so it was a deeply pleasant surprise to discover that he is, in person, downright loquacious. Take a listen and learn a little bit about what pushes Kayden’s buttons, and how Kayden pushes mine. And just listen to his deep, sexy, ominous laughter throughout, as he muses about taking control, losing control, and his current record of how many men he’s had sex with at one time in the BG East ring. To start off, we talked about Kayden’s experience of these intense days of wrestling multiple matches on camera, his philosophy on the eroticism of being in control and, occasionally, being under the control of someone else, and how becoming a homoerotic wrestling heel has changed him.
Kayden Keller Interview – Part 1:
Next, we talked about what pushes Kayden’s buttons, the difference between a bully and a heel, and how completely distracted I was by Kayden’s gorgeous, long, muscled legs. What you can’t tell from the audio is that as soon as I disclosed to Kayden the effect his legs were having on me, he began flexing them and rubbing them, pulling up his shorts and quite intentionally pushing my buttons.
Kayden Keller Interview – Part 2:
As our interview came to its conclusion, we were briefly interrupted by Nino Leone looking for his lighter (and, I suspect, also drawn by the sight of Kayden showing off his flexed quads). We also hear about a particular unpublished opponent of Kayden’s who found exactly what buttons to push, and we learn the truth behind our fan fantasies about massive orgies breaking out with all of these gorgeous wrestlers being in the same place.
As I mentioned a while back, I had the biggest drop of BGE photo contraband left on my doorstep a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been strapped for time, so I’m just now sorting through these gems, doing a little latent class analysis to come up with implicit categories, and ready to share a few more. I identified today’s theme based on the 90 degree/90% humidity hell I’ve been surviving for the past couple of days. In other words, here are some OMI treasures that I file under both “hot” and “staying cool.”
The phrase “fun in the sun” doesn’t quite capture just how sexy and delightful these photos are of BGE boys at poolside in Florida. By the gear, these pics all appear to be shot around the time of the taping of Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament. If you haven’t seen that lovely competition, check it out for the hot bodies, the surprisingly intensely competitive round robin, and the post tourney groping and liplocks.
These post-taping pics of Jonny on clean up duty after the Pool Tournament raise a host of questions. 1) What put a headliner like Jonny in such a doghouse that he’s on janitorial duty? 2) Why the fuck didn’t we get to see the tournament competitors’ trunks come off, since clearly, they came off?! And, 3) what ever happened to those lime green briefs that Drake wore in the Pool Tournament, got fished out of the pool by Jonny, and then reappeared as the prize in the shockingly bitter Babyface Brawl X? After so much sweat and cum was spilled over that hot gear, one wonders just where that sexy swath of fabric ended up.
And finally, this latch batch of smoldering hotness I just file under “the future’s so bright, you gotta wear shades.” Baby Boy Leone is wearing me out with his shirtless, hairy hotness and retro, oversized lenses. And the posed, dockside hunkfest is now my desktop image, because it inspires about two dozen homoerotic wrestling fantasies on continuous loop in my imagination, about half of which feature Christian Taylor getting double-, triple-, or quadruple-teamed by this particular incarnation of the boyband.
As always, let’s all voice our gratitude and say a little prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods for OMI’s safety, so that we may enjoy many, many more behind the scenes treasures like these in the future!
It’s been a while since I took a break from interviews and reviews for a more thematic post. Today, I’m thinking about that peculiar idiom, referring to Wednesday as “hump day.” I actually missed this convention growing up. It was some time in my early adulthood, probably perusing commentary about homoerotic wrestling, when I first heard the term “hump day.” Now, I see and hear it everywhere. I still associate it with sex, but considering how mainstream it is, that’s clearly not implied by everyone. But among those of us into homoerotic wrestling, what else would come to mind?
An enthusiastic pelvic thrust in the midst of a wrestling match is one of those relatively subtle moments that instantly turns a confrontation sensationally erotic. Personally, I get off on wrestling beyond any direct analogy to sex acts. But there’s an extravagant openness about a wrestler taking an opportunity by force to tease his crotch grinding into his opponent’s crack. It opens up exciting possibilities about stakes. It signals to those of us aroused on this side of the screen that at least one of the hunks on that side of the screen is also turned on. It’s impassioned and motivated and pulls a wrestling match out of the closet by the scruff of the neck. In those rare moments when the wrestler getting humped responds receptively, when his mouth gapes open in frustrated desire, when he’s visibly struggling with a momentary lust to get fucked by the hot hunk on his back competing with his desire for wrestling victory (I’m looking at you, Drake Marcos), then a wrestling match is elevated for me beyond any hardcore porn scene I’ve ever seen.
So, happy hump day, homoerotic wrestling fans. And a thousand thanks to those wrestlers who kick the competition up a notch with a hearty, grunting, sweaty pelvic thrust.
Tonight. Midnight. Submit your votes for the Best of BG East in 2016. I realize that I’m atypical when it comes to how many BG East matches I watch over the year, so this little voter’s guide is intended to help fill in any blanks some of you may have for lack of exposure to some of the nominees. If 2016 teaches us nothing else, it proves that nothing requires us to be educated and informed voters. However, if you prefer to vote based on something other than your cock’s reaction to one still photo, but you don’t have time to see the whole ballot of matches, feel free to consider my opinions for what they’re worth (which is relatively little, but a little more than voting with no basis whatsoever).
Let’s power through the remaining categories to finish off your ballot.
Best Mat Battle
It’s a little surprising to consider this match “from the vaults” for a 2016 award. Both Jonah and especially Cameron were so young in this match. It’s hard not to superimpose what we know about how Cameron grew up, muscled up, and launched his own production company since this match was taped. I loved this match immensely. It’s rough and raw. The boys clearly hate the fuck out of each other. Lovely, lickable twinks who may look like babies but wrestle like nasty back alley brawlers.
It’s a close call for me, but my vote goes to Kid K and Mason. Both of these beautiful boys are perennial favorites of mine, so I had very high hopes for this match going in. They didn’t disappoint, and in fact the intensity is even hotter, the bodies even more beautiful, and the mat wrestling drama even more compelling than I’d expected. It also helps that these hunks so enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s cocky and playful and reads like the hottest foreplay in history.
Similarly, I’ve never seen a match that includes JJ or Attila that fails to get me off. It’s a match up of an amateur mat champ and a ripped, acrobatic brawler. These are both thoroughbred athletes with massive egos, so the action is brutal and vicious. Not nearly as much erotic heat as Gazebo 18, but magnificent mat wrestling nonetheless.
The narrative behind Coop and Ryder’s mat tussle is great. Coop’s competitive amateur wrestling days seem so far behind him, since he’s been showing up as Dr. Cooper and dissecting opponents like a heart surgeon (aka, mercilessly) in the ring. So Jake seems to be unaware that Coop kicks ass on the mats as well. Ryder lies and cheats his way into putting the doctor into serious jeopardy, but in a lush mash up of babyface Austin and his Dr. Cooper heel alter ego, this mat battle turns nasty pro.
I’ve written a small novel about what this match does for me, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. What grabs me by the balls most is how both of these dazzlingly pretty boys show us something completely new. They’re gorgeous. The wrestling is completely ego driven. They’re gorgeous. The dialogue is sensationally sexy. They’re gorgeous. And the all in, vicous submissions are way more intense and work than I expect to see from supremely pretty boys like this. Oh, yeah, and they’re gorgeous.
Speaking intensity born of dislike, Drake and Ethan rip into each other with a passion that can’t quite be described with words. They’re mean to each other. They’re vicious and brutal. It turns sensationally sexy as the gear gets stripped, but not so much because they turn each other on, but because you get the impression that the final victory lap (after the pony ride) could very well be a domineering, taunting, sneering, contemptuous fuck. Buckets of sweat. A couple pints of tears. Lush bodies. This is a very close second choice for me.
We almost certainly all know what we like about liplocks. I like sweat, palpable passion, a tablespoon of aggression, and authentic lust. Here are your options.
I’m in an ethical dilemma when it comes to giving you a look at the first nominee for Hottest Liplock. BG East has an embargo on me sharing any of their pics that contain full frontal, and yet the only shots of this liplock include both wrestlers with their full-mast cocks in hand. So I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven for cropping out the bottom of this shot, to stay within the strictly PG requirements I’ve agreed to, despite having to drop the BG East copyright at the bottom of the photo. If this photo suddenly disappears and is replaced by a puppy, you’ll know that I have been asked, and as always I’ve agreed, to a request from the copyright holder to remove the image. All that fine print aside, this is a hot liplock, right?
Sensationally sexy liplock between Christian and Calvin. The authenticity is well-established long ahead of time, as they both telegraph all along that they are turning each other on. If you still doubt it, their rock hard cocks straining the pouches of their trunks should prove the point.
My vote goes to Drake’s kiss-‘n’-pin of gorgeous newbie Nino “Babyboy” Leone. It ticks off all of my boxes, including sweat, passion, simmering aggression, and what is quite obviously open lust. This is one of the most brutal matches this year, which makes the incredibly tender ending that much more dizzying. Squarely in the homoerotic sweet spot.
When it comes to quantity, Charlie and Blaine very well may have locked lips the most in their ginger-off in the backyard. I believe Blaine gets the award for popping Charlie’s (kissing) cherry first in his homoerotic wrestling career, but Charlie is quite clearly abundantly skilled in sucking face and using it as a defensive maneuver on the mats. For kissing as chess match move, I give this liplock a close second place on my ballot.
I get the impression that I am as big a fan of Chris Xaos as most of the rest of you are of Mike Martin. So between the two of us (you, me), we should be crazy for their scorching hot mat match this year. The liplock is more teasing than passionate, for my tastes. That said, I’d change my vote for a chance to stick my tongue down Chris Xaos’ throat (well, if he’s naked).
There’s nothing teasing about Christian and Jeremy’s passion at the end of their hot and rough mat match. This is a full on make out session, and it’s lathered in sweat, and it’s got a half a cup of aggression still playing out, and I fully believe these boys are into each other. Christian is the reigning kissing master at BG East, which may work against him this time around for the potential vote splitting with his liplock on Calvin.
Best Wrestler Spotlight
It seems like a testimony to a wrestler’s marketability to get an entire DVD release devoted to one person. So the three nominees this year for Best Wrestler Spotlight represent some major fan favorites.
Biff follows up with his victory as Debut of the Year last year with multiple nominations across the ballot, including for his Wrestler Spotlight. He’s compelling and gorgeous. I actually think the strength of this collection is in the quality of his opponents, though. You get the impression everyone wants a shot at this ridiculously hot beefcake. This is a very close second place for me.
Has anyone ever starred in 3 Wrestler Spotlight DVDs before? Although this collection tends toward showing off Coop’s work as a gorgeously bashable babyface, his mat match with Jake Ryder gives some awesome flashes of Dr. Cooper hanging out his shingle. The quality of his opponents is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlights, but Coop has emerged as such a fantastic, complex, competitive, multifaceted character, that I’m persuaded (just) to cast my vote for him.
Chace’s spotlight is sort of a retrospective of his career, featuring him as the go-go boy, the beefsteak, and the fitness model that he has been at different phases of his wrestling. His end of the bargain is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlight stars, which is to be expected considering these matches come from such drastically different parts of his career. Still, although there’s nothing to complain about, I enjoyed Coop’s cubed spotlight the best.
Best 2016 Overall Match
Now the free for all starts. I know well that fans are fierce about their favorites, and when comparing apples to oranges, there’s no pretense of objectivity or even a measurable standard to point to. Seven times out of 10, I’m biased toward ring matches. I tend to favor big personalities and hot bodies in equal measure. I like to be surprised. I like to be made to laugh. And it is essential that I get hard. With all those biases in mind, I’ll tell you how I see the field for Best of 2016.
First on the ballot is my pick for the Best Overall Match at BG East in 2016. It’s an instant classic. It’s sexy as hell. Two incredible debuts. Drama, drama, drama. Very high quality pro wrestling. Intramural rivalries. And dick pic selfies. It’s everything I could want in a match (except for a copy of those dick pics).
A very close second place for me is this masterpiece on the mats between Drake and Skrapper. If I’d had the option, I very well might have picked this over Mason and Kid Karisma for the Best Mat Battle, but alas, the nominating committee didn’t see fit to give me the chance. The wrestling is outstanding. The erotic tension is thick and juicy. And the boys are real and beautiful. The only edge TTT19 has on this for me is the full throttle pro ring vibe.
So put Drake in the ring with Kayden Keller, and you might think I’d be unable to resist. I resist, though. It swings hard for a slasher vibe, but doesn’t quite connect. TTT19 and Drake’s work in Matmen 26 hit the bullseye better. And then there’s Drake’s gear to consider (smh).
Watching cocky indy pro Kirk Donahue get trampled by a “mere” underground phenom like Dr. Cooper is guaranteed to tickle my funny bone and get me hard. This is a magnificent beatdown and totally worthy of a shot at the title, but it just didn’t get my vote.
That’s right, haters, Drake Marcos anchors a full half of the Best Match nominees this year! I recently referred to 2016 as the year of the rookie, but it may have to be rebranded as the year of Drake. The heat is scorching in his match with Ethan. And I do love seeing bully-Ethan face off against someone who gives it right back to him. But the raw rage and bitterness don’t quite put this match over Drake’s match with Skrapper for me, and neither quite persuade me to tip them over Tag Team Torture 19.
See all my comments above about why I voted for this as Best Mat Battle, and then remind yourself that this does not take place in a wrestling ring. It’s immensely satisfying, funny, fierce and brutal, and it gets extra points in my book for Mason’s perfect (perfect) choice in undergarments. But I’m still throwing my one, lone vote to the fierce foursome in TTT19.
The real winner is you and me, of course. Such a rich, entertaining, arousing body of work from BG East in 2016 is why BG East is the first place I go for that particular mix of homoerotic wrestling that keeps me satisfied. Congratulations to all of the nominees (except for Kirk). You are, every last one of you, gorgeous to watch mix it up in the ring, on the mats, and everywhere else that the Boss’ imagination takes us. Thanks for all of the distractions in 2016 that kept me from the abyss of absolute despair over current events
You only have until the end of the day Thursday to register your vote for the Best of BG East in 2016, so I’m going to power through the remaining categories for those waiting for the completion of this voter’s guide. As always, take it with a grain of salt. My opinions reflect nothing more than my opinions. Just vote. It’s supposed to be fun. All of these wrestlers are beautiful, and we’re lucky to get to enjoy their wrestling, so heap praises on all of them.
I’ve asked for clarification on this category before, but not really gotten any. The options are matches, but they aren’t all really submission matches, so the category isn’t best submission match so much. But we don’t get to vote on a particular submission within a match. I’m sure I’m over thinking it. In any case, I’ll keep my comments brief in the interest of getting through the remainder of the ballot before the polls close.
Two sensationally skilled indy pro wrestlers add up to incredible submissions. I was torn between including a photo of this Mexican Ceiling hold or Lucky’s gorgeous stretcher, hanging from the ropes and wrenching Dick every wrong way. Very top quality wrestling, with sensationally executed submissions.
The options for sensational submissions exponentiate when you throw three highly skilled indy pro veterans in the ring for a free for all. It’s hard to beat Guido’s simultaneous camel clutch on Brute and Boston Crab on Jonny for innovation and strength. This is my second favorite submission in the mix.
Submissions fly every which way between Drake and Ethan, so it’s hard to pick out just one to highlight. I’m partial to this gorgeous figure-4 face-smothering Ethan uses to put Drake out cold. Of course, two pony rides in this match sort of epitomize submission. Extremely hot back and forth in this battle.
Again, I’m not sure which one submission to highlight, but I’m pretty sure it’s one where Skip Vance is getting his skinny ass handed to him on a platter (because that’s pretty much every submission in this match). I do like everything about this particular submission hold featured here, with Paul applying scissors, a vicious hammerlock, and grinding Skip’s screaming face into the mat, all at the same time. Art, people. Art.
Again, so many options to choose from. I’ll call out Jonny’s leg choke, over the ropes, with a pec claw chaser, but I’m nearly as much a fan of the fish hook camel clutch. And the ball bashing. And the… wait. We’d better move on if I’m getting through this voter’s guide.
Now consider the submission possibilities with 4 wrestlers in the ring, often simultaneously. This is my vote for Best Submission mostly based on how blown out of the water I was by this out-of-nowhere gravity defying torture hold from debuting newbie Chase Addams. Chase calls this hold the Will Breaker, and you should hear 6’2″ Christian crumble like shattered glass when the devastating newbie trusses him up as if he’s been doing this for decades. My second favorite submission from this match is Christian and his tag team partner Charlie teaming up to squeeze a submission out of Ty Alexander with simultaneous face-to-crotch headscissors and a Boston Crab. Tag team wrestling done so, so right in this match.
Talk about open to interpretation. Actually, I suspect most of us gauge this category based on how successfully a match got us off. So that means the criteria is extremely subjective, and guessing who may win seems incredibly difficult.
Fuck, this match is sexy. Ty is nobody’s jobber in walking this pornboy through his pro wrestling paces. The match is explicitly and directly about sexual conquest from well before these two even make it to the ring. Surprisingly deep when it comes to the wrestling drama, this is an outstanding entry into the X-Fight lexicon.
Total newbie Calvin Haynes likes the look of Christian Taylor, so he initiates the hottest foreplay on the planet: wrestling. This is another erotic-forward match packed with the drama of two gorgeous, hot studs so obviously turned on by each other. The pool wrestling is brutal. The towel off is tender. And the bedroom wrestling finale is a magnificent combination of both.
At the beginning of the match, I thought this “loser gets shaved” things was a little gimmicky. About halfway through, in the middle of gallons of sweat, I was stunned by the intensity and balls out seriousness of the wrestling. By the end, this has always been about hot, steamy, lush passion, with a little side serving of tender loving to give it that sweet finish. I think this is my second place choice for Sexiest Match this year, but buckle up, because this is not the last you’ll see of Drake in this category.
That’s right, sabotaging his own success as only Drake can, he’s competing against himself for Sexiest Match in Ring Releases 4. Incredibly compelling match with equal parts scream queens, Hitchcock, and Bel Ami. My only complaint is Drake’s gear, which mercifully gets ripped off him soon enough in the match.
Hands down, the sexiest match of the year for me was Matmen 26, between Drake and Skrapper. The match is so aggressive. It’s so intense and brutal and it careens like a runaway train into sweat soaked erotic passion so authentically. I don’t think we see nearly enough full naked wrestling in this homoerotic industry, so the portion of the match that keeps charging ahead well after they both lose their gear is so satisfying. Even though I’m a big fan of both of these boys, this match took me by surprise by how totally compelling it was, and the erotic tension from start to finish is superb.
Best Ring Match
This match is what happens when you put a big, bulging pro wannabe in a ring with a bigger, more bulging, sensationally seasoned pro. The story practically tells itself, though you have to watch it to get the bait and switch that Kelly sells so remarkably successfully. Biff suffers so sensationally that it brings a tear to my eye. This is my second favorite ring match of the year.
Again, if you want an outstanding ring match, toss two extremely experienced indy pros into the BG East ring and insist they battle until one of them wins with a 10 count. Guido and Dolph classed up the place when it comes to quality ring wrestling and pro brutality. I love the grit and egos and battle of wills. Endurance sport with thoroughbreds like this is rare and gorgeous to watch.
And then there’s that magic again that you get when you toss a beefcake wrestling wannabe in the ring with a seasoned pro heel. I always, always have a bias toward homoerotic wresting that’s more homoerotic, so this is my second favorite ring match on the ballot. Bigger than life. Beautiful as hell.
Again, my vote goes to the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19. From the opening sequence in which Charlie Evans introduces himself to BG East by perfectly executing a Ginger Snap, to the corner to corner melodrama between the teams, to the magnificent intramural contest between Team Vanity to get their opponents to name which of them hurts them worse, to Chase’s Will Breaker, to this Beauty and Beast double team combo (by the good guys, no less), this match is packed with classic pro tag team wrestling with just the right amount of homoerotic flair to make me recognize it as our own.
And then there’s what comes from throwing two pretty boys who we’ve watched grow into this business tear into each other. I don’t think of either JJ or Chace as naturals in the ring, which makes the pace and power of this ring match such a pleasant surprise. Not nearly as homo or erotic as TTT19, still there’s a big BGE stamp on this match that comes from the way these two have developed under the guiding hand of the Boss.
And now, for your consideration, the combo of an experienced indy pro jobbing for yet another pretty boy who we’ve watched grow into a magnificent BG East-style pro. I’d almost considered voting for this on the off chance that giving more praises to matches in which Kirk gets clobbered would inspire more of the same in the future. But you don’t have to carry my grudge against Howdy Doody to see a lot to like in this match, not least of which is hot muscle domination, buckets of sweat, and big vs.little boy bashing.
My least favorite category, so I’ll say the least about it. I do love a good squash on rare occasions. Not nearly as often as a lot of you, clearly, because the industry pumps out so many more squashes than I can consume. But sure, on occasion, a one-sided total mauling of one hunk by another hits some sweet notes to savor.
Kip squashed like a bug. Gorgeous. I still say that Flash LaCash is far prettier than he seems to get credit for. But it’s hard to focus on the pretty when he’s such a devastatingly effective muscle heel.
You had me at “Kid Karisma.” If anyone can carry a squash narrative and keep me engaged, it’s Kid K. He is a fucking BEAST in this match. I’d say more, but it would mostly be about Kid K’s body. This would be my second choice for this category, if pressed to have one.
My vote goes to Trey and Thrash for a few reasons. First, Trey Dixon is a god. Doomed, but a god. Thrash is outstandingly compelling. He’s another incredible debut that could easily have deserved a spot on the ballot there as well. And finally, Thrash destroys Trey in order to own him. A lack of motivation sinks most squashes for me, so when Thrash starts signaling where all this beauty bashing is heading, I’m hooked. Fuck, more Thrash. More Trey Dixon. Please.
Maybe this is my second choice. I don’t know. I will say this match turned me into a big Kelly King fan. Huge push to Biff’s consideration for Top Jobber.
I have no idea what motivates Cybertron. He’s a magnificent specimen of a man, but honestly, he won this match against Mister E about 45 seconds in. But he doesn’t stop. Why is that? Why don’t I “get” squashes more than I do?
Okay, maybe this is my second place. Whatever. I will say that it’s a little shocking that these two sensational physiques got completely shut out of the body part categories. Though I did put Viggo up for my personal “Best Legs” contest. In any case, massive, mega squash, pretty on pretty.
I went to college at a very, very small liberal arts school with a very, very unsuccessful Division III football team. They sucked. A lot. Literally, years went by without a single victory. Not that I was involved in the program, but it was no secret that recruiting for the football team was a major bitch. No scholarships. No pro career prospects. Very little hope of ever tasting victory before they graduated or, even more likely, they’d burn through eligibility while hanging on by the skin of their teeth to skimming by in their academics and finally just walking away to dig ditches. Our football team literally shrunk while I was enrolled in college, each year’s freshmen getting smaller, while bigger players went elsewhere. My junior year, the football team recruited a wide receiver who was, I kid you not, 5’2″ tall. Thing is, though, he was fucking fast, with big, powerful thighs, an exceptionally stellar muscled ass, and gorgeous, Tom Cruise-ish good looks. Despite their abysmal record, I suddenly took an interest in football that year.
This pint-sized wide receiver with big league glutes and a baby face starred in many a homoerotic wrestling fantasy in my imagination. Just writing about him now is making me hard. There was just so much fabulous potential wrapped up in his tight, taut, petite jock body. In the never ending erotic wrestling tournament in my head, the little wide receiver inevitably got muscle bullied around the ring by bigger guys. I always pictured him getting picked up and thrown from corner to corner. Tall, ripped, cocky hunks (typically from our extremely successful and wildly popular basketball team) would, in the no holds barred wrestling matches in my collegiate imagination, deliver a barrage of high impact, high altitude power moves on him, gorilla presses, scoop slams, one-handed choke slams, spine-tingling suplexes that catapulted his magnificent, muscled ass from corner to corner.
Rereading my interview with Charlie Evans and perusing several of the comments to that interview remind me of that hot, gorgeous little wide receiver firecraker with a supremely fuckable ass. As I’ve mentioned several times lately, the difference in size itself became erotically charged for me. But far beyond just visuals, I crushed hard on the little stud because of the drama of a vastly undersized hottie audaciously running out onto the field and climbing into the pro wrestling ring in my imagination (through the bottom two ropes, of course) and staring fearlessly up at the overwhelming odds towering above.
I was relatively agnostic about my all-time favorite wide receiver’s win-loss record in his homoerotic wrestling career in my mind. Like the very best babyfaces, he was always dangerous and perpetually vulnerable at the same time. I distinctly remember him getting his jock strap ripped to shreds and having his rock hard muscle cheeks plowed hard by a particular, hot, muscled black power forward. I also have clear memories of him turning the tide on a certain aloof, blond, aristocratic shooting guard who was schoolboy pinned and force fed the beer can cock of the smirking, flexing wide receiver. Win or lose, he was a favorite object of my homoerotic wrestling imagination not despite his stature, but because of it. And not just because of his stature, but because of the inherent drama of an ambitious, earnest, hard working little stud throwing himself headlong at the big boys.
As I told Charlie, I continue to nurture a crush for David vs. Goliath homoerotic wrestling matches. I like big vs. little matches where the differential is massive, the odds are long, and the action is brutal. I love seeing audacious little studs hoisted over head and pounded into the mat. I love seeing them take every ounce as brutal an assault as any heavyweight and then keep peeling their battered, petite, bite-sized bodies off the mats and defying the big boys demanding that they submit in body and soul.
While I don’t care for many matches in which one competitor is just furniture, getting moved and manipulated and owned effortlessly, a match in which a seriously undersized wrestler is defiantly sucking down a mountain of abuse is in a squash-class of its own for me. If the little guy walks in with his head up, clenches his jaw in the face of fate, and demands respect by just surviving a magnificent beating, I will so get off on that just like I did when I staged wide receiver getting his sensational ass tagged in the middle of the ring by that power forward.
However, I think my hardest David vs. Goliath fantasies flip that script with a vengeance. When the audacious little underdog battles back against the barrage of muscle and mass, now that is fucking hot. When he starts accumulating riding time on a thoroughbred 50 pounds bigger, my adrenaline pumps into overdrive. And when I pictured my pretty little wide receiver slapping down a big, cocky all-American who’s never tasted defeat before, when he wears the big boy the fuck out, slapping that beer can in Goliath’s shocked, humiliated face, then little David is fucking king of my world.
I hold heartedly agree with the implication of Charlie’s argument that every homoerotic wrestling roster needs the little guys. Ever roster needs the underwear models and the bodybuilders. Ever roster should have raw edged street punks and square jawed All-American heroes. They should all have daddy’s little rich boys and ripped, raging, beautifully endowed sex brawlers. The industry should invest in recruiting hard edged pros and hot, inexperienced nerds. It should put up flat footed pornboys and fierce, lanky, long-distance runners. Personally I’m longing for a snarling radical fairy doing battle with a white collar stock broker on the homoerotic wresting down low.
The homoerotic pro wrestling industry is as susceptible to the tyranny of the capitalist market place as anything else, of course, so I certainly understand when, occasionally, it seems like everyone climbing through those ropes looks and moves and suffers alike. But as someone who has watched a TON of homoerotic wrestling (not even counting that running channel in my imagination of round the clock homopro), I’m always longing for producers to fill those niches Charlie and I talked about. Tickle those erotic fantasies we didn’t even know we loved. Populate our screens and imaginations with the great diversity of dramas, bodies, races, ages, etc., that makes oppressively straight real life bearable.
And most definitely, gives us pint-sized baby face heroes audacious enough to climb into the ring with beasts a foot taller and 80 pounds heavier, and to tell us a compelling, seat of our pants, crotch-tugging homoerotic wrestling drama that reflects real life writ larger, more erotic, and completely improbable, but yet, speaking to our real lives.
And now, excuse me. I need to go dig out an old college yearbook.
Having recently moved, I’m getting accustomed to a lot of new things. The weatherman keeps reporting on “thund-uh-stoams.” There are apparently 100 ticks for every human being in the region. And it’s fucking hot.
That last part makes me rethink my decision to ignore places with swimming pools in my housing search when I moved here a month and a half ago. I’ve always thought of pools as a pain in the ass. And, honestly, this climate calls for outdoor pools no more than about 25% of the year, so it seemed like a waste. But damn. It’s fucking hot.
I’m sure I’ve posted here about my ambivalence about the swimming pool genre in homoerotic wrestling, but I’m too lazy right now to look it up for you (did I mention how hot it is?). So let me just reiterate. On the con side, pool wrestling too often submerges more than half of the available eye candy. Upper bodies are privileged as the only thing we can see most of the time (and neglecting attention to hot legs is another, more global complaint I make often). There’s probably about 80% of wrestling holds that just don’t translate to a pool. A Boston crab would likely lead to manslaughter charges.
But on the other end of the ambivalent spectrum, I love wet muscles. On that point, sweat, shower scenes, and oil wrestling tweak the same kink in me that pool wrestling does. There’s also something inherently playful about pool wrestling. Watching homoerotic wrestlers do it, it certainly appears to take many of them back to the same days of juvenile, carefree summers getting yelled at for horsing around in and around the pool, playfully bullying chums by seeing who can dunk the other, games of chicken, perched on top of each others’ shoulders and seeing who can topple whom.
While I couldn’t stand an exclusive diet of homoerotic wrestling in the pool, like fresh corn on the cob and the sweetest of watermelons, it’s a seasonal treat that can work for me. Though I have to say I prefer it to conclude with bronzed bodies baking in the sun, making out naked poolside.