The Heat Is On

Having recently moved, I’m getting accustomed to a lot of new things. The weatherman keeps reporting on “thund-uh-stoams.” There are apparently 100 ticks for every human being in the region. And it’s fucking hot.

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Mitch Colby & Tyrell Tomsen in Wet & Wild 3

That last part makes me rethink my decision to ignore places with swimming pools in my housing search when I moved here a month and a half ago. I’ve always thought of pools as a pain in the ass. And, honestly, this climate calls for outdoor pools no more than about 25% of the year, so it seemed like a waste. But damn.  It’s fucking hot.

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Jersey & Frey in Water Wars 4

I’m sure I’ve posted here about my ambivalence about the swimming pool genre in homoerotic wrestling, but I’m too lazy right now to look it up for you (did I mention how hot it is?). So let me just reiterate. On the con side, pool wrestling too often submerges more than half of the available eye candy. Upper bodies are privileged as the only thing we can see most of the time (and neglecting attention to hot legs is another, more global complaint I make often). There’s probably about 80% of wrestling holds that just don’t translate to a pool. A Boston crab would likely lead to manslaughter charges.

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Kid Karisma & Christian Taylor in Wet & Wild 5

But on the other end of the ambivalent spectrum, I love wet muscles. On that point, sweat, shower scenes, and oil wrestling tweak the same kink in me that pool wrestling does. There’s also something inherently playful about pool wrestling. Watching homoerotic wrestlers do it, it certainly appears to take many of them back to the same days of juvenile, carefree summers getting yelled at for horsing around in and around the pool, playfully bullying chums by seeing who can dunk the other, games of chicken, perched on top of each others’ shoulders and seeing who can topple whom.

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Kid Vicious demonstrates how standing headscissors take on a whole new significance in the pool in Wet & Wild 4

While I couldn’t stand an exclusive diet of homoerotic wrestling in the pool, like fresh corn on the cob and the sweetest of watermelons, it’s a seasonal treat that can work for me. Though I have to say I prefer it to conclude with bronzed bodies baking in the sun, making out naked poolside.

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Bodybuilders Jeff Renshaw & Brad Sargeant show of their physiques in Canadian Built Wrestle Club 3
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Mason Brooks makes an OTK (and ball claw) work on Trey Dixon in Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament
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Cole Cassidy & Rob Berlin’s muscles glisten in Wet & Wild 1
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Soaking wet horseplay between Marco Guerra & Cole Cassidy in Wet & Wild 2
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Billy Lodi grabs hold of Rafe Sanchez (mmmm, Rafe!) with everything in Catch Weight 3
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Cam Hudson & Shane McCall check-in to post match muscle play in Motel Madness 3
Everyone’s a winner after Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament
Trey Dixon & Ty Alexander heat up the pool post Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament
Kid Karisma & Christian Taylor heat back up post pool match in Wet & Wild 5

 

In Catchweight 3, the brutal wrestling was heading just one direction: into the pool.

Thank Your Lucky Stars

It’s the day designated for expressing thanks. I certainly have a boatload of things, people, and moments to be thankful for.  But as a departure from always talking about what I like, I think today I’ll just share some choice pics of homoerotic wrestlers who give every impression of being caught right at the moment of thanking their lucky stars. Happy day, y’all.

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Randy Stanton was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet when Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) gave him the chance to wrestle for the greatly coveted secret look at what Mr. J is packing in his trunks! BG East’s Matmen 21.
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Sebastian Rios worships at the feet, the cock, the ass… well, everything of oiled and insanely luscious Rafe Sanchez (mmmmm…. Rafe….). BG East’s X-Fights 32: Caribbean Oil.
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Peter Stallion similarly looks like he may be thanking a higher power for his all access pass to Rafe (mmmmm…. Rafe….). BG East’s Wrestle Worship 1.
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Two musclemen battle for the adoration of muscle worshipper Randy Dowell, who cannot believe his luck! Wrestle Worship 2: Triple Emission.
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When is Canadian Thanksgiving? I think it’s right around the moment that Ben Monaco gets his hands on the furry, massive pecs of newbie Alain LeClair. BG East’s Mat Scraps 2.
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Rookie Frank Daly is in for a marathon of brutality and viscousness, and you can tell from the look on his face that he wouldn’t have it any other way! BG East’s X-Fights 27.
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What’s LJL to do when he finds himself commanded to worship Damien Rush’s muscles? Thank his lucky stars! BG East’s Backyard Brawls 8.
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Paul Lasalle gets to freeze frame the ring action in real life, so he gets down on his knees, strips frozen Buck Wyld of his trunks, squeezes that incredible ass, and thanks the homoerotic wrestling gods! Can-Am’s Fantasy Pro Wrestling.
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Win? Lose? What the fuck ever! Landon Mycles drops to one knee and silently prays a word of thanks for the chance to get his hands all over Michael Vineland. Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 1.
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On his knees and worshiping the physique of Kevin Crowes, Rusty Stevens is one thankful homoerotic wrestler! Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4.Buck

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

Before I get to the really important business at hand, anyone have experience with WordPress that would be relevant as I consider migrating neverland there?  Let me know.

Now to the real issue that needs settling right away.  Who will lift the mantle of reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month off of the massively muscled shoulders of Naked Kombatant Will Parks and claim the title for the hottest wrestling release in June?  The field is deep, so I’ll try to stick to the cream of the crop to give you the contenders who made it to my final round of consideration.  Starting with Will Park’s bailiwick, Naked Kombat has been hit-or-miss since I signed back on, but bearded muscle daddy Landon “the Law” Conrad debuting drenched in oil against Alex Adams has sorted me out several times.  Over at Thunder’s Arena, I’ve got a fast and furious crush on new meat Mr. Sean sporting his own five o’clock shadow and looking like an Abercrombie boy ripped from a politically incorrect billboard ad to face in very short order no fewer than 4 opponents over the playtime of Bodyspace 44 and Bodyspace 47.  In Muscle Domination Wrestling’s VIP lounge, there’s a double-team made in heaven, featuring Damien and Master Kevin together working their beautiful muscles in tandem all over the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet in Duo Cop ‘N’ Jerk (also check out their cruel, cruel teaser for upcoming Season 4 matches!).  BG East’s Catalog 99.1 packs the field of contenders, so  I have to be brutal in narrowing down the very top of the heap that vied for my lustful attention, starting with perennially dangerous favorite and current title holder for overall favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, pushing and getting pushed to the edge of consciousness against Paul Hudson in Knock Outs 2.  My fantasy come true match, Tag Team Torture 16, puts up potentially the most powerful tag team contenders (for my affections), Christian Taylor and Skip Vance, who have their hands and mouths full with the likes of villainous brute, Morgan Cruise.  In a bodybuilder bonanza possibly the likes of which have never been seen before in the ring, both Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are unbelievably muscle-beautiful gladiators in the Summer Sizzler’s Bonus Match.  From Mat Hunks 9, newcomer (but NOBODY’S rookie) Vic Madone has been haunting my dreams for his work brutalizing lovely Ray Naylor, 3-time HWOTM Eli Black and former HWOTM Cameron Matthews make it incredibly difficult to decide who to root for, and long-time favorite emeritus and former HWOTM Mitch Colby may never have looked sexier (on the mat, at least) than when paired with my longtime simmering crush, delectably sexy Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmm, Rafe!!!!).  So, clearly, no one is a loser when it comes to the quality homoerotic wrestling pumped out in June, least of all me (and you).  You can swing a sweaty jock strap without slapping in the face an incredibly sexy, totally legitimate contender for the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month.  There’s no wrong answer to this question, but after sweating it out and studying the evidence extensively, I’ve decided there is, however, a very, very correct answer as to who is the new homoerotic wrestler of the month…

Rafe makes me swoon just by stretching out!

Rafe Sanches (mmmmmmm, Rafe….) oozes sex.  It doesn’t matter who he’s wrestling or what the context, his presence exponentially increases the erotic in a match until I (and typically, he) explodes.  How has Rafe failed to sit on the HWOTM throne before?  There’s a considerable mystery to that question that I can’t quite explain, because I’m a big, big booster.  One likely factor is that as incredibly pleasing as his wrestling has been, his releases have come out at the same time as some barn burner chart toppers that have edged him out of the top spot.  A series of just plain bad luck for Rafe could be a legitimate explanation for how he has owned my lusts so entirely and yet remained title-less.

Rafe’s hands are full with powerful muscleman, Mitch Colby.

Then again, another potential thumb on the scales may also be that Rafe has frequently been eerily quiet, sometimes even silent when he wrestles.  For a wrestling fanatic like me that can live for days off of nothing but highly charged erotic banter of two wrestlers before they ever make physical contact, an ominously silent hunk, however kinetically erotic, is at a disadvantage.  His Mat Hunks 9 appearance, however, features Rafe in clear, perfectly pitched voice, taunting, snarling, and snapping at Mitch with a quickness and confidence that leaves me shaking my head that this luscious mat hunk has been so quiet in the past.

Big Mitch taunts Rafe relentlessly.

Okay, it also doesn’t hurt a wrestler’s homoerotic appeal to go toe to toe with the likes of my very first-to-be-crowned favorite homoerotic wrestler, Mitch Colby.  Mitch is sliced to hell, sporting the leanness that makes me gasp and earns him an extra snarl of contempt from longtime “rival,” heel extraordinaire (and also former HWOTM) Cage Thunder.  Cage has gone on the record giving Mitch the barest of grudging respect for his work when he’s beefed up, but against Rafe, he’s tanned, toned, and the leanest slice of beef imaginable.  An opponent could pale in comparison, of course.  But despite being several shades lighter in complexion, Rafe absolutely holds is own and somehow his exponential sexiness quotient multiples many times over when juxtaposed against (and especially writhing in the grasp of) gorgeous Mitch (that’s a lot of math to say, fuck, Rafe and Mitch are an insanely hot pairing!).

Rafe gets swallowed up between Mitch’s ripped thighs.

Cage Thunder has long rhetorically slammed Mitch for his long record of beating up on smaller guys, so fully expect he may chime in again to point to this newest evidence.  Mitch’s physique dwarfs Rafe.  Mitch is just a couple of inches taller, but packing on about 25 pounds more muscle than his lean, smooth challenger.  Again, a less apt opponent could get completely overshadowed by Mitch’s display of power and dominance.  Not so, Rafe.

“Same fucking move every time!!!”

Rafe gets pissed off in this match.  Have we ever seen Rafe pissed off?  I can’t remember seeing it, and the sight is so fucking hot that I have to think I’d have remembered.  Mitch swallows him up, going again and again to squeezing the air and will out of Rafe with various parts of his body trapped between Mitch’s massive thighs.  Rafe gets fucking fed up with Mitch taking the path of least resistance, turning again and again to scissors to sit back and expend minimal effort in squeezing out one submission after another.  “Same fucking move every time!” Rafe snaps furiously, rubbing his head and checking to make sure his skull is in tact.  Now, I don’t fault Mitch for wracking up a boatload of submissions with the same hold.  Fuck, I’d clean his pool for a month for the chance to feel those tree trunks wrapped around me over and over again.  But the magic that he works on Rafe is inspired, as typically quiet Rafe gets angrier, chattier, and more determined than ever to grab hold of some sweet revenge.

Rafe dishes out a taste of what Mitch has been serving.

Perhaps it’s the hint of Cage Thunder in this match that pushes Rafe way over the edge for my lustful tastes as well.  Mitch taunts him when he’s scored 3 unanswered submissions.  Rafe sits back and studies the beautiful beast in front of him for a moment before responding, “Yeah, rub it in Bitch… um, I mean Mitch!”  Holy shit, did Rafe Sanchez just signal that he’s learned a thing or two from Cage Thunder!?  It’s Cage who has relentlessly refused to call Mitch anything but Bitch Colby for years.  Suddenly, despite being down 3 falls, Rafe seems instantly more dangerous, more compelling, and… holy shit is it possible…. sexier!

Mitch’s cocky cock-pin.

Rafe and/or Cage Thunder fans will already know that these two have very notoriously met in wrestling action before.  They collided in the BG East ring, and the overt, explicit erotic intent of both studs burned my retinas just a tad.  As one might expect, Cage Thunder owned lovely Rafe in the end, or, more accurately, owned his crotch as he sat on Rafe’s unmasked face and insisted that the graceful, smooth stud pound out a submission-emission.  I’m guessing after that match, there were words exchanged, perhaps a little advice shared from the veteran to the ever-ready lean sex machine.  Somewhere, Rafe picked up Cage’s disparaging nomenclature for Mitch.  And somehow, when Rafe slaps down the taunt right smack in the middle of his mat match against Mitch, it feels to me like almost a 2-on-1 opens up, putting my longtime infatuation with Mitch at a distinctly unfair double-team advantage.

“Payback’s a bitch, pussy!”

Rafe gets some revenge in the match that I savor with a pause-and-slow-motion treatment.  Mitch has taunted and humiliated him repeatedly, flexing his top-tier fuckable muscles in Rafe’s face relentlessly.  So when Rafe turns the tables, plants his own fine, fine, fine ass on Mitch’s face and pumps his own lean, powerful biceps, I’m absolutely sold.  “You think you can handle this!?” Rafe taunts him disbelieving.  Powerful Mitch flat on his back with his lips planted between Rafe’s cheeks is an epic sight to see. “You crazy or something!?” Rafe taunts, in an even more epic moment to hear. “Payback’s a bitch, pussy!!!”

Mitch grinds Rafe’s face hard and deep.

Damn, damn, damn!!!!  It takes a whole lot to hold my gaze with Mitch Colby on the screen, but the second half of this match, I’m absolutely entranced with Rafe.  Fuck me if I wouldn’t actually give up the chance to get repeatedly crushed between Mitch’s thighs for the chance to aggressively tongue bathe ever inch of Rafe’s baby smooth body.  His revenge is fleeting, popping up once or twice more before the end, but that angry frustration, that contemptuous disdain for the mighty muscle man climbing back on top is sweet as honey (speaking of which, let me add a lathering of honey to that aggressive tongue batch fantasy of mine).  Rafe hurts, a lot.  He agonizes, crushed and twisted and pried apart in the big muscleman’s accomplished hands.  And never, not once, does he let his slow boiling rage wane for an instant, no matter how overwhelmed and outmuscled he becomes.  He’s snarling and snapping stubbornly, forcing Mitch to absolutely lay waste to him, drain his tank of every last ounce of willpower and strength, leave him so obliterated that Rafe can’t pick his head up off the mat, much less continue to fight on, before Mitch can finally declare he’s bought Rafe’s body for keeps.

Rafe oozes sexiness!!!!

It’s not like I’ve ever failed to be wildly turned on by Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmm, Rafe….).  But his personality shines through in Mat Hunks 9.  His lust for dominating a muscleman is unmistakable. His nerve, grit, and defiance of the numbers are incredibly compelling.  And more than ever before, he tells a story… a seriously sexy, incredibly homoerotic wrestling tale that makes me (like Mitch) sweat profusely and launches all sorts of personal fantasies starring me, showing up moments after Mitch exists the sun room, leaving a wasted, demoralized, stunningly beautiful Rafe behind for me to find.  Good work, Mitch.  Absolutely stunning work, Rafe.  Set that beautiful, lean ass down on the thrown as my newest homoerotic wrestler of the month!

June 2013 Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month: Rafe Sanchez

Summertime and the Livin’ Is Easy

Like fresh picked berries and crotch watching at the beach, BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s releases have become a seasonal treat for me.  I’m a little dizzy from the initial overdose I just subjected myself to, scoping out the preview pics that are part of catalog 99.1, just released.

Boyfriend jobbers Skip and Christian make me think it’s not all bad getting crushed by Morgan Cruise.

Making my eyes water the hardest are the initial shots of Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown, featuring the combo I’ve been bitching and moaning in anticipation of for years.  Skip Vance and his  real life boyfriend (and former HWOTM) Christian Taylor climb into the ring together for a 2-on-1 battle against heel-risen Morgan Cruise.  Holy shit, this looks insanely hot.  This looks like it’s heading in all the right directions, and I’m a little breathless in anticipation.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are RIPPED! 

Speaking of breathless, shocking me just a little are the preview pics of the “Bonus Match” (for ordering all of the Summer Sizzlers) featuring Braden Charron and Chace LaChance both appearing to have physically peaked for the season at precisely the same moment that they climbed into the ring together.  I may have seen Braden this ripped… possibly, but holy hell, I have never seen Chace as put together as this. Fuck. Me. Please.

Who’s Got Whom? Eli Black or Cameron Matthews? 

Mat Hunks 9 is a stand-alone compilation that delivers a pretty perfect 8-pack selection of thirst-quenching hunks such as I’m not sure I’ve seen all on one DVD before.  3-time HWOTM Eli Black looks like he’s got his hands full with former HWOTM Cameron Matthews.  This is a fascinating pairing, I think, and Cameron’s showmanship combined with Eli’s intensity seems like a formula for either disaster or perfection.  I’m voting for perfection.

Rafe Sanchez takes the ride of MY life!

And speaking of perfection, former HWOTM and former and long-running overall favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine, Mitch Colby, snaps those tanned, rock hard thighs around the smooth, sexy head of long, long running infatuation of mine (though never a HWOTM), Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmmmm… Rafe).  These two have appeared in some of the over the top sexiest wrestling I’ve ever enjoyed, so combined, I’m feeling dehydrated just thinking about it.  And I’m not even going to mention the perfection of asses featured in the other two matches on Mat Hunks 9… yet.

Hot, hard muscles turned to jelly.
I will mention that my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy) Lon Dumont is also out in a new product, Knock Outs 2 , appearing back in the day when his head was smoother than Rafe Sanchez’.  The match promises both Lon and his opponent, veteran pro Paul Hudson, get sleepered repeatedly, and the image of lovely, powerful Lon so vulnerable, out cold, is giving me hot flashes!
Mr. Joshua had better watch his back (I’ll keep an eye on his front for him)

Finally, Ring Hunks 1 (how is this only the first of that title!?) throws former overall favorite homoerotic wrestler Mr. Joshua’s massive package headlong into the dangerous machinations of former HWOTM and recent interviewee here, Aryx Quinn.  If anyone can unleash the beast, surely it’s diabolical Aryx!   Right?!  Please!?

Another who’s got whom from Summer Sizzlers: Wrestle Shack 17… my money is on Dylon Robert’s thighs.

So these releases technically fall in the month of May, but there’s no way I can assess them in time for tomorrow’s crowning of a new HWOTM, so they’re officially delayed to join the June releases.  In the mean time, pass me a protein drink.  I’m going in….

Serbian Gods

5’10”, 150 pound Serbian stunner, Arn Nedic
It seems that I’m not the only one caught a little breathless at the first sight of BG East’s new sexy Eurostud, Arn Nedic.  I mentioned in my post a couple of days ago that I’ve never knowingly harbored a homoerotic wrestling fantasy for a Serbian go-go boy before.  Then today I was making my periodic stroll through tried and true sources of eye candy and came across this series of photos of yet another Serbian fantasy man, male model Vasa Nestorovic.  
6’4″, 205 pound Serbian Male Model Vasa Nestorovic
Hello, Mr. Nestorovic!  His Model Mayhem page says he’s 6’4″, 205 pounds, with brown eyes.  Eventually, I’d have noticed the eyes, but it would have taken me a while, because the rest of him is un-fucking-believable!  There are some neverland readers out there who make it their mission to keep me up to date on male model eye candy guaranteed to inspire erotic wrestling fantasies.  I send a virtual scowl their way for not introducing me to this glorious muscle god sooner!
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This is an entire homoerotic wrestling fantasy handed over whole by Slick It Up and from me to you via Homotrophy.  Get this pink menace into a ring, pronto!  The mask alone is making me squirm in my seat!  And if there was ever an enigmatic ring moniker to inspire images of mythic Nordic heroes and gods (despite him being Serbian), it’s Vasa.
Vasa’s pumped, primed and raging-ready for a jock strap match!

Other than some tragic warfare in the 90’s and an assassination that started WWI, I don’t think I’d really given Serbia a second thought before a few days ago.  But from the entire sample of Serbian hunks known to me now (n=2), I’m left with burning questions, like what the fuck is in the water in Serbia that grows boys this insanely sexy!?!?

A little hint of bondage fantasy, sure, but this says full stakes homoerotic wrestler to me!

6’4″ doesn’t look good on just anybody, in my opinion.  I think guys with that big of a frame often have a tough time steering a course somewhere between skinny-as-a-rail and doughy.  All that hungry muscle seems to me to need a particularly disciplined hand to keep it in shape, without fucking up the joints from all that weight they carry around.  Vasa is clearly a nothing short of a god of self-discipline, because ever inch of that 6’4″ is so perfect it makes me want to cry!

Every fucking inch: perfect!
And if this shot is a real one, holy buddha on a hill, sign this kid up for a ring match now.  Yesterday!  And based on his Slick It Up expose, I think I’ve got the perfect tag team partner in mind for him.
Alert Cage Thunder.  Pink Puma may have big, big backup next time!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Interview

Cage Thunder had a quick reply to my announcement that he’s one of the co-owners of my title of homoerotic wrestler of the month: “About fucking time!”  Building from that endearing exchange, I managed to get the legendary heel to agree to answer some questions on the occasion of his reign.

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Cage Thunder
Bard: Congratulations on earning the homoerotic wrestler of the month title! Masked Mayhem 9 is incredibly sexy! What was it like for you teaming with Lightning Rod for your 2-on-1 destruction of that hunky little Stinger?
Chemistry!

Cage Thunder: It’s about fucking time. What’s wrong with you, anyway? You’ve figured out who my tag partner was—so you can imagine what an honor it was to be teamed with one of my wrestling idols—I can be just as big of a fan-boy as anyone! (laughs) And we definitely had chemistry in the ring…as you can tell from the video and from the stills, my dick was hard from the get go. I hope we can team up again… I’m certainly up for it, although I’m so attracted to him it’s hard for me to focus!

Bard: Consider the delay in your ascendency to the title as evidence of my lapse of judgment! So, categories often fail to fully capture the scope and depth of an artist’s work, so when I call you a “heel,” it feels awfully inadequate. How do you describe your body of work as a wrestler?

Cage Thunder: Sexual heeling (laughing)? I kind of like “lord of the ring” or “ringmaster.” 


Bard: (laughing) All three of those work for me!  Speaking of bodies, you always look incredible! You’ve clearly crafted a body built for destruction. For any aspiring masked heels out there, do you have any tips for physical conditioning for ring domination?

Adding up to HOT!

Cage Thunder: I do, don’t I?  I put a lot of work into my body. But fitness is more than weight-lifting, which so many people forget. It’s also flexibility and endurance. I fucking hate doing cardio, but it’s a necessary evil. I’ve always been really flexible, so stretching is something I do pretty regularly.  I have to give some credit to my genetics. I put on size really easily, and I also have a huge rib cage with a narrow pelvic bone, which results in me having a ridiculously small waist. Even at my heaviest and most out of shape, my waist size has never gone above 32-33; at my most lean I was a 28. I think I look best when I’m at a 31, frankly—smaller is too lean.  I’ve wanted to get up to 200 pounds for quite some time, but was reluctant to gain weight for a very long time. Thank to some injuries and teaching myself how to cook Louisiana cuisine, I did get really heavy for a while, but am leaning down now. My muscles are a lot bigger—and my goal is to get down to about 200-205 with a 31-32 waist. Right now I’m at 212 with a 32-33. 

Bard: Mmmm, numbers are hot! Whatever the calculus, it’s all adding up to one hot body! Do you have any mentors in the craft of brutal wrestling domination? What are some lessons you’ve learned from them?

Cage Thunder: Kid Leopard. The man has forgotten more about wrestling than I’ll ever know. I was already sort of a heel when I came to BGEast, but his mentoring, advice, and experience helped me develop into the wrestler I am now. There have been some amazing heels at BGEast over the years—the Brooklyn Bodywrecker; Clint Morgan; Cruz; Jose; The Enforcer; Shane McCall come to mind off the top of my head—all of whom are/were masters of the ring. I’ve learned from watching them, too. There’s nothing like watching a master heel just take some screaming muscle boy apart, is there? I’ve actually wrestled the Bodywrecker privately—that was a LOT of fun, and I learned a lot. I really enjoy wrestling other heels, frankly—there’s nothing hotter than a heel v. heel match to see who’s the bigger bad ass.

Bard: A private match with BBW?! Talk about a clash of the titans! That sounds seriously hot!  I’ve got a thing for hunks who wrestle in masks. You’re a perfect case in point: you’ve got a smokin’ sexy body, but damn it all if that mask doesn’t multiple my arousal a dozen times over. Other than turning on guys like me, is there anything else behind your choice to wrestle in a mask?

Pink Puma never stood a chance!

Cage Thunder:  I’d already been doing some wrestling as a heel, but the mask completed the package. Again, it was the Boss’ idea, and I really took to it, frankly. I’d never really given it much of a thought before—despite living in a city that’s all about masking! Now, I fucking love it. I’ve done some private matches where all I wear is the mask…and unmasking your opponent? HOT.

Bard: Hot, indeed!  And speaking of heat, you’ve laid down some withering trash talk on the pages of this blog for one of my long-standing all-time favorite homoerotic wrestlers, Mitch Colby. What’s with the heat over hot, hunky Mitch? Is there a backstory there?

Cage Thunder: Listen at yourself—‘hot hunky Mitch.’ Excuse me for a second while I lose my lunch. I just flat out don’t like him—I’ve never liked guys like him; arrogant and think their looks somehow make them better than everyone else. I’d like to tie him up in the ropes and just pound on him for a few hours, you know, beat some fucking humility into the arrogant bitch—not that it would do any good. And hoist him up into a torture rack and make him scream like the bitch he is…strip his trunks off him and shove them into his mouth while I claw his pecs so his screams of agony are muffled…sleeper him until he’s almost out, then let up so I can torture him some more…I want to see how much those abs he’s so fucking proud of can handle. I bet he’d be begging me to stop within five minutes of the bell ringing. (laughs) If the stupid bitch even lasted that long…

What did Mitch Colby ever do to earn such ire!

Bard: Well, I for one never, ever get tired of seeing Mitch in action. I’ll continue to lobby for that match to happen! So let’s say you just climbed into the ring. You don’t know who your opponent is – never heard of him, never seen him before. He comes sprinting out of the locker room, hops the top rope inside the ring, and stands bouncing on the balls of his feet in the opposite corner from you. He’s your picture-perfect opponent. Describe him.

Cage Thunder: You know, I don’t really have a ‘type,’ per se. I’ve been accused of being a body fascist more times than I can count, but it’s not true. I like big guys, I like small guys, I like lean guys, I like bears—I like all different types, really—and at BGEast I’ve had a broad range of body types to wrestle; from little guys like Boyd Hicks and Kid Karisma to pretty muscleboys like Goldenrod (what a fucking poseur he was!) to big guys like Alexi Adamov and Drew Russell. I’ve always had a thing for classic heels, like Stan Hansen and Arn Anderson, but I also like the lean muscle studs like Kevin Von Erich and Randy Orton…. Oh! I know who—Ryan Kwanten from “True Blood.” Put him in some skimpy white trunks, white leather knee-high lace up boots, some white kneepads…oh HELL yeah. He’s my current fantasy opponent. You want to write that one up?

Let’s get Ryan Kwanten suited up and in the ring with Cage Thunder NOW!

Bard: I’ll get right on that, as soon as I can manage to somehow zip up my pants! The image of Ryan as a white knight staring you down across the ring is going to distract me for days! Mmm, mmm, mmm! Okay, so name names! Who’s posed the toughest challenge to you at BGE? Who’s the sexiest opponent you’ve faced? Who (other than Mitch) would you still love to get your hands on?

Cage Thunder: I would have to say the toughest challenge I’ve had at BGEast (in matches released thus far) would have to be Alexi Adamov. We didn’t do a one-on-one match; we were on opposite sides of a tag match. I’ll give him some props—he put me through the ringer; an amazing display of back torture, hold after hold after hold. When I watched the match later I was like, “damn!” He made me submit, and then we had to face each other again to open the next round, and he almost finished me off once and for all—Max came to my rescue—and while I did get in the ring with him a few more times during the match and just beat the holy hell out of him, I’ve always wondered how a singles match would turn out between us. I mean, I know I’d beat him—he doesn’t seem to ever be able to close out a match—but I think we’d have a good fight—probably would be a classic.

Sweaty, sexy Alexi put Cage Thunder through the ringer!

Bard: Fascinating! I’d never have guessed that Alexi would be the first name out of your mouth! He’s so damn pretty, it’s easy to forget that he’s one big, tough son of a bitch as well! What about sexiest?

Cage Thunder: All of my opponents at BGEast were sexy, no question about that. I’d say the sexiest wrestler I’ve ever been in the ring with is undoubtedly Lightning Rod. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sensuality just fucking oozes out of his pores…he’s one of those men you KNOW would be the best fuck you’ve ever had, the kind that would inspire me to all kinds of sexual depravity…I’d like to be locked in a motel room with him for a weekend. FUCK.


Bard: No argument from me there!

Cage Thunder: I also have to give props to Boyd Hicks. I don’t know what it was about him, but the minute I laid eyes on him my cock get hard, and it stayed hard all the way through the match. We had chemistry, for sure. We’re supposed to get together for a private match the next time I’m over there, and I’m really looking forward to it.  Kid Karisma has one of the most gorgeous asses I’ve ever seen, and Punk Puma was a sexy boy, too. Damn, I’ve wrestled some hot guys! 

“…one of the most gorgeous asses I’ve ever seen…”

Bard: I’ve toyed with the idea of creating a title for most gorgeous wrestling ass on the planet, which would obviously belong for all eternity to Kid K! And Pink Puma is another long, long, long-standing crush of mine. So who else would you like to face?

Cage Thunder: Let’s see, who at BGEast would I like to wrestle that I haven’t? I’ve got a thing for Jake Jenkins and Austin Cooper—they are pretty boys; maybe Lightning Rod and I could do a tag match with them on the other side of the ring. Joe Robbins. Braden Charren. I’ve always wanted to wrestle Chris Bruce. Denny Cartier—holy Christ, that one! Patrick Donovan would be fun in the ring, I think. Oh, man, how could I forget the Enforcer? A ring war to see who the real masked stud of BGEast is? Talk about Masked Mayhem! Chase LaChance has also beefed up real nice.  But really, I’d be willing to take on anyone on the roster, past or present.

Bard: That doesn’t surprise me. You certainly wrestle like you’ve never met an opponent you aren’t thrilled to crush! You blogged recently about your early wrestling career in which you weren’t quite the unstoppable brutalizer that you are these days. You describe how it can feel to get seriously worked over by a dominating opponent. I quote you here, when you say, “Fuck you pussy – it feels good.” Where do you think the connection comes from between dishing out or taking punishment in the ring and getting turned on?

Cage Thunder: (laughing) As I said earlier, I’m pretty flexible, so I can be stretched a lot further than just about anyone. Usually guys are screaming out a submission long before they get stretched out as far as I can go. The great irony is that I am SO flexible that I can’t really stretch myself as far as I need to be stretched on my own; I need someone else to stretch me. So when someone, you know, puts me into a banana split or a Boston crab, it DOES feel good—the stretch feels incredible to me because I can’t stretch myself like that on my own.  But that’s not really what you asked, was it? It’s really a primal, masculine thing. When you’re dominating another man, you’re proving yourself to be the better animal. And its arousing—very much so. In wrestling, your body is your weapon, and you’re proving your body is better, you’re stronger, more dominant, more masculine…how can your cock NOT get hard?

Bard: I’m the last person to have an answer to that question!

Cage Thunder: And the flip side of domination is submission, which is also arousing. Is there anything sexier than a dominant man, who can control you, of being completely at his mercy? It’s also really sexy to test your own limits, see how much you can take. My profile on Globalfight sums it up: “Beat me or prepare to be beaten.” I love being beaten, dominated…but you have to earn it; I’m not going to just roll over and let you have your way with me. Fuck that. Beat me or be beaten…and if you don’t beat me, be prepared, because I will fucking beat you down and humiliate you, you will be my bitch when I am finished with you—and I’ll decide when you’re finished. I ask for no quarter, and I give none.

Bard: Damn.  Um, yeah. Damn! You’ve said it better than I’ve ever heard it said before! You consistently deliver some of the sexiest, most erotic wrestling content being produced, as far as I’m concerned. What do you think about the state of the homoerotic wrestling industry these days? Where do you see it heading in the next 10 years? Who are the rookies you see in the business who you think could have staying power over the long-haul?

Cage Thunder: I don’t really pay all that much attention to other companies, frankly. I’ve been accused of being a BGEast shill with my blog, which is bullshit. I write about BGEast matches and wrestlers because they’re the ones that turn my crank the hardest. I do buy some stuff from Rock Hard from time to time; they have some beautiful boys wrestling for them—some of them have come over to BGEast, in fact. I wish that Lucas Payne would…I’d love to get in the ring with him. He’s a sexy fuck, and he’s talented.

Lucas Payne: “…a sexy fuck, and he’s talented.”

Bard: Ah, Lucas Payne! Another homoerotic wrestler of the month! The idea of him bringing what he’ got and BG East doing with it what it does… wow!

Cage Thunder: I hate the companies that pretend their audience isn’t gay men. Get a grip, bitches. Straight men and women aren’t buying your goddamned product; they can watch WWE on pay-per–view or basic cable. I think it’s homophobic, frankly. BGEast is not ashamed of their audience and they say so, right up front: “gay interest wrestling videos.” I won’t give my money to a company that’s ashamed of why I’m buying their product. It’s my porn, and always has been. A match doesn’t have to wind up erotic for me to enjoy it, but if there’s a physical erotic connection with my opponent I’m not going to push him away and say, “Oh, no, I just wrestle.” I prefer my opponents be in decent shape, if for no other reason than I want the match to last a while; I don’t want to get all suited up and then have him poop out after ten minutes.

Bard: I hear you! And I completely agree about never-say-gay gay wrestling as homophobic. I’d pay a whole lot more attention to other companies if they came out of the closet!

Cage Thunder: I don’t really know about the business end of the business; but I assume as with everything, it’s taken a hit with the economy. And I know piracy is a major issue. I don’t know why these douchebags think it’s okay to steal; calling it piracy doesn’t make it hip and cool, because it’s still fucking stealing. If you came into my house and stole one of my DVD’s, how is that different from downloading it for free from some motherfucking asshole’s free site? And even if the motherfucker who put it up paid for it to begin with, you’re not buying the right to distribute it to the entire world for free. It’s theft, and it should be called what it is. The music industry put a stop to that shit.

Bard: The boys at BG East talked about this quite a bit when I visited there last year. They clearly see it is a real threat to the viability of the industry, not to mention their company. Any thoughts about where the industry is heading?

Cage Thunder: I can’t predict what the industry will be ten years from now because I can’t foresee how technology is going to change and develop. Ten years ago I would have never dreamed of digital downloads or even DVD’s, for that matter. (I do NOT miss videotape.)

Bard: Neither do I. Blue balls waiting to rewind, stop, and start to find the choice piece of action were horrible!

Cage Thunder has respect for Z-Man

Cage Thunder: As for what newcomers have staying power, I’d say that Austin Cooper, Kid Karisma, Jake Jenkins, and Z-Man will be stars for as long as they want to be. Z-Man gets a lot of shit—I’ve seen some really awful smack talked about him on-line, but he’s got a great body and he has talent. The stuff he’s done for BGEast has really started tapping his potential, and there’s even more there. Kid Karisma is just a stud. I really like Morgan Cruise, too—he’s impressed the hell out of me, as has Diego Diaz. And Joe Robbins—I hope he sticks around for a while. The Boss always seems to come up with amazing new talent. 


Bard: I admit that I’m guilty of having given Z-Man my fair share of that shit. I’m also happy to say that I’ve completely turned the corner since he’s been working with BG East. And every one of the guys you mention are absolutely golden in my book!


Cage Thunder: And I’m not ready to hung up my trunks just yet.


Bard: (laughing) That’s fantastic news! I’m looking forward to seeing more of your potent brand of homoerotic wrestling entertainment! You’re a class act, and I’m grateful for this chance to get to know more of the man behind the mask!

Cage Thunder hasn’t hung up his trunks just yet!

Playing God

I’ve been thinking about friends and family on the East Coast and hoping that everyone is surviving the aftermath of Hurricane Irene. AH emailed me this morning from his smart phone to let me know that he’s been without power for 24 hours and amusing himself with the mental game of assembling his ideal wrestler’s body from the component parts of many different wrestlers. In honor of AH and everyone mopping up from that messy bitch, Irene, I decided to quickly put together a post playing AH’s game of ordering up my ideal wrestler’s body a la carte.

Turns out, this is one tough game to play! I set out for myself the task of choosing no more than one body part from any one wrestler. Then I went to scouring my mental and literal library of homoerotic wrestling favorites to decide who to deconstruct in order to reconstruct into the assemblage of an over the top, made to order homoerotic wrestling god. I spun my wheels for quite a while getting a start on this project. There are so many wrestlers who I think of as possessing physical perfection, but many of them don’t necessarily possess the perfect singular body part divorced from the rest. But body part by body part, this is what I came up with:

For some reason, it worked for me to start from the bottom and work my way up my mad scientist construction of the ideal wrestling body. My Frankenstein’s monster of physical wrestling perfection has Troy Baker’s legs. Troy was in the running for nearly every body part, frankly, but it was Troy’s own love his legs that made me single them out for this recipe.  Thick and hard without a whisper of body fat, Troy’s legs were simply perfection, as far as I’m concerned. When he had Nick Archer’s noggin’ trapped between his crushing thighs, Troy looked like he was just about to cum with delight in the overpowering beauty of his dominating power. Though Troy did not literally cum in that moment, I’m certain that I’m not alone when I say that I certainly did, and have repeatedly, in worshipful lust for Troy’s unbelievable legs.

Hanging between my assembled wrestling’s god’s ripped thighs is Brian Maxon’s cock and balls. Between you and me, Brian Maxon’s wrestling usually left me a little uninspired. His cock, however, once unsheathed and getting worshipped by the loser he conquered on the mats, was pretty nearly my impression of phallic perfection. There are most certainly longer wrestling cocks, and a few thicker, but Brian’s cock was a perfectly proportioned monster that demanded to be be worshipped.

Spin my cut-n-paste wrestling god around and you’ll get a sight of the most gorgeous homoerotic wrestling glutes on the planet, which actually belong and fit so beautifully on the body of  Kid Karisma. Quite literally, I’ve put in a pitch for a wrestler spotlight DVD that stars Kid K’s ass, specifically. Somewhere (I can’t put my finger on the text at the moment… I think Joe wrote it), I saw Kid K described as a Tom of Finland drawing come to life. It’s the ass that makes that statement 110% true (see recent posts regarding my mathematical shortcomings).

Allowing our eyes to wander upward from Kid K’s perfect ass, we would find on my assembly of a made-to-order wrestling god the back of Brett Mycles. A thickly muscled back is a thing of wonder. I’ve seen some inspiring pec frottage, but I’m still looking for a scene of a wrestler working out an ecstatic explosion in the deep cravasse between the mountainous bulges of a muscled back like Brett’s. The aesthetics of a narrow, corded lower back beneath an astonishingly wide and contoured lat spread capped off by thick delt and trap muscles is just about the most beautiful thing in the world, I think.

Again, let’s spin my wrestling creation around now to take a look at the front, where he’s sporting Rafe Sanchez’ abdominal muscles. I’ve ranted a bit before (perhaps unfairly) about comments in a discussion group that referred disparagingly to Rafe’s body as “not the best.” I couldn’t disagree more, not in total, and most certainly not when it comes to the marble sculpture that are his abdominals and obliques. Add a cup of water and a squirt of detergent and I swear to you it would require not more than three passes to get your laundry clean on that washboard! The separation between each scale of that armor is superhuman. I’d want no one else’s ripped to shreds core on my wrestling god assemblage.

As our eyes wander upward from Rafe’s rocking abs, we’ll see the luscious pecs of Darius. Choosing whose pecs to add to my homoerotic wrestling god was perhaps the most difficult selection of all. If I hadn’t already cannibalized Troy Baker’s legs, his pecs very well could’ve beat out Darius’. As it is though, it’s Darius’ monster pecs that made the shortlist. Hot. Damn.

Shoulders were another tough call for me, but I decided that my homoerotic wrestling god of my own creation will have Wade Cutler’s delts. The mountainous, angular boulders that were Wade’s shoulders always completely captivated me, and they still do today as I treasure the moments where Wade shows up in my library of homoerotic wrestling. Massive, wide, veiny shoulders are intensely erotic, not to mention damn useful in a fierce wrestling contest. My wrestling god compilation sports the best shoulders I could think of.

Again, arms were difficult to select, owing to the deep field of worthy applicants. I’m giving a nod to rookie beauty, Thiago Diaz, however, because his arms are stunning.  With arms it’s certainly not all about size. Shape, proportion, balance and definition speak to me more when it comes to arms than blunt size. Thiago’s bulging biceps and massively thick forearms are entirely worthy additions to the wrestling god of my creation.

Finally, capping off the physical perfection of my wrestling god creation is the devastatingly handsome face of Brad Rochelle. Brad was in a barnburner of a race against exactly one other gorgeously handsome homoerotic wrestling hunk to lend his face to my creation. It was the cleft chin that just 5 seconds ago made me select Brad’s perfect visage.

Of course, this ideal homoerotic wrestling body I’ve just created requires some extensive smoothing and adjusting to match up size, complexion, and proportion. And I’m already thinking that, while this fits my “Muscle Worshipper” type that I scored highest on in yesterday’s quiz from Manof1000Holds, an equally perfect body would be made of entirely different parts to construct my idea of perfection when it comes to a pretty boy (okay, some of the same parts would certainly apply), or a bad boy.

Excellent exercise, AH! I hope you’re managing to keep yourself entertained as you wait for the power to come back on. So whose parts would comprise your ideal homoerotic wrestler?