I was chatting with someone last night when the topic of getting choked in the ropes came up (you know, like it does). I know there are wrestling fans who are far more into the fantasy of choking, but I certainly get it. The element of control is so seductive when one hunk is literally rationing the air supply of his opponent. “You’ll breathe when I say you’ll breathe” is such an intimate, inside-out type of corporal domination. In any case the phrase, “choked in the ropes and riding him like a pony” came up, which sent me tracking down that particular moment in homoerotic wrestling archives. So much intimacy. Such control. So much humiliation. Sweet.
|Boxxy even makes muscle man Rex look relatively small!|
|BG East’s Clint Morgan towers over a battered proboy Bryan.|
|Clint used his amazingly long legs to torture his opponents viciously.|
|Can-Am’s Brian Maxon demands to be worshipped.|
|Brian used his massive body to smother and bury his opponents in the mat.|
|BG East’s Magnus had to pry Surge’s face upward to meet his gaze.|
|Surge was clearly awed by the massive presence of Magnus.|
|Naked Kombat’s Rusty Stevens plowed skinny giant Ben Deep.|
|Thunder’s Arena’s Draco nearly launches Z-Man through the ceiling.|
|Gorgeous Draco can’t quite fit in the frame!|
|BG East’s Kevin Armstrong foolishly looked down his nose at nasty heels KL & TK.|
The tallest wrestler I could find on the BG East roster doesn’t have his own profile, but his one appearance lists Kevin Armstrong at 6’5″ and 215 pounds. Personal trainer and gym manager Kevin apparently tried to use his impressive physical presence to pour cold water on the rising tension between former tag partners Kid Leopard (5’8″) and Thom Katt (who I can’t find a height for, but he had to be shorter than KL). As you might expect, KL and TK were impressed with the physical specimen presented to them, but hardly intimidated.
|So much fun to be had with a 6’5″ personal trainer!|
|Can-Am’s classic giant muscle man, Rob Frank|
I don’t believe I’ve seen Can-Am’s Rob Frank wrestle either, but if he really was the 6’6″ height he’s listed at, he was one stunningly huge muscle man! To pack that much muscle on that big a frame seems like an astonishing feat. Further, to recruit such a specimen for wrestling for gay eyes seems even more of an amazing accomplishment.
|Rob Frank hangs 5’10” Rich Money like so much laundry.|
Have him wrestle naked in the ring, and I’m kicking myself wondering how I haven’t seen towering Rob Frank wrestle yet! I’d have snarky comments to make about the mullet, if I weren’t a little scared of having a 6’6″ muscle beast take it personally. He could do some serious damage without even trying!
|Thunder’s Arena’s Troy Stevens dwarfs Z-Man.|
But who’s the tallest of the homoerotic wrestler giants? There’s an addendum after my answer, but for now, I’m pulling out my step ladder to crown Thunder’s Arena’s muscle freak giant, Troy Stevens, as the biggest of the sexy big men that I could find. Whether he’s the every fraction of an inch the 6’7″ Thunder’s puts him at, he’s incredibly huge!
|What the fuck was Z-Man thinking?!|
Thunder’s only posted 2 matches featuring Troy, which is a shame. There’s a little bit of an Andre the Giant feel about these scenes of him destroying 5’10” playgirl muscle model, Z-Man. It’s as if these are two different species. One is a jaw-droppingly gorgeous muscle star, and the other is a classic Titan of Greek mythology. The size difference is just astonishing, and if there’s a Zeus in the pantheon of homoerotic wrestling giant men, I’d guess it’s the superhuman musclefreak, Troy Stevens.
|Thunder’s Arena’s Enforcer: Giant, yes. But homoerotic wrestler?|
Addendum: Search engines on some of the homoerotic wrestling websites suck, so I very well may have missed some of the wrestlers who topped out at 6’4″ or taller. Feel free to point out where my list is lacking. I won’t take it personally (unless your a dick about it). Also, Thunder’s Arena actually posts their wrestler, The Enforcer, at 6’10” tall, a full 3″ taller than Troy (aka Zeus). However, I’m taking the liberty (since this is my list, after all) of disqualifying The Enforcer as not having actually “wrestled.” His “match” with Z-Man, and the attempted double team with “Tristian” (aka Aryx Quinn, aka Tristan Baldwin) strikes me as all gimmick, no wrestling. The Enforcer is undeniably huge, but… well, no, I’m just saying he doesn’t fit the requirements of qualifying as a homoerotic “wrestler.” His singular appearance with Thunder’s has much more the feel of a sideshow than of a wrestling match, or perhaps more accurately foreplay before Z-Man and Aryx got down to a legitimate tussle.
While it doesn’t take a giant over 6’4″ to get my blood pumping, this list of towering hunks proves that it doesn’t hurt, either! Bodies this big also tend to come with accompanying vulnerabilities, like weak joints, but a massive, giant homoerotic wrestler who can pump up and pound out a hot wrestling match is a wonder that can most definitely work for me.
I’ve been thinking about friends and family on the East Coast and hoping that everyone is surviving the aftermath of Hurricane Irene. AH emailed me this morning from his smart phone to let me know that he’s been without power for 24 hours and amusing himself with the mental game of assembling his ideal wrestler’s body from the component parts of many different wrestlers. In honor of AH and everyone mopping up from that messy bitch, Irene, I decided to quickly put together a post playing AH’s game of ordering up my ideal wrestler’s body a la carte.
Turns out, this is one tough game to play! I set out for myself the task of choosing no more than one body part from any one wrestler. Then I went to scouring my mental and literal library of homoerotic wrestling favorites to decide who to deconstruct in order to reconstruct into the assemblage of an over the top, made to order homoerotic wrestling god. I spun my wheels for quite a while getting a start on this project. There are so many wrestlers who I think of as possessing physical perfection, but many of them don’t necessarily possess the perfect singular body part divorced from the rest. But body part by body part, this is what I came up with:
For some reason, it worked for me to start from the bottom and work my way up my mad scientist construction of the ideal wrestling body. My Frankenstein’s monster of physical wrestling perfection has Troy Baker’s legs. Troy was in the running for nearly every body part, frankly, but it was Troy’s own love his legs that made me single them out for this recipe. Thick and hard without a whisper of body fat, Troy’s legs were simply perfection, as far as I’m concerned. When he had Nick Archer’s noggin’ trapped between his crushing thighs, Troy looked like he was just about to cum with delight in the overpowering beauty of his dominating power. Though Troy did not literally cum in that moment, I’m certain that I’m not alone when I say that I certainly did, and have repeatedly, in worshipful lust for Troy’s unbelievable legs.
Hanging between my assembled wrestling’s god’s ripped thighs is Brian Maxon’s cock and balls. Between you and me, Brian Maxon’s wrestling usually left me a little uninspired. His cock, however, once unsheathed and getting worshipped by the loser he conquered on the mats, was pretty nearly my impression of phallic perfection. There are most certainly longer wrestling cocks, and a few thicker, but Brian’s cock was a perfectly proportioned monster that demanded to be be worshipped.
Spin my cut-n-paste wrestling god around and you’ll get a sight of the most gorgeous homoerotic wrestling glutes on the planet, which actually belong and fit so beautifully on the body of Kid Karisma. Quite literally, I’ve put in a pitch for a wrestler spotlight DVD that stars Kid K’s ass, specifically. Somewhere (I can’t put my finger on the text at the moment… I think Joe wrote it), I saw Kid K described as a Tom of Finland drawing come to life. It’s the ass that makes that statement 110% true (see recent posts regarding my mathematical shortcomings).
Allowing our eyes to wander upward from Kid K’s perfect ass, we would find on my assembly of a made-to-order wrestling god the back of Brett Mycles. A thickly muscled back is a thing of wonder. I’ve seen some inspiring pec frottage, but I’m still looking for a scene of a wrestler working out an ecstatic explosion in the deep cravasse between the mountainous bulges of a muscled back like Brett’s. The aesthetics of a narrow, corded lower back beneath an astonishingly wide and contoured lat spread capped off by thick delt and trap muscles is just about the most beautiful thing in the world, I think.
Again, let’s spin my wrestling creation around now to take a look at the front, where he’s sporting Rafe Sanchez’ abdominal muscles. I’ve ranted a bit before (perhaps unfairly) about comments in a discussion group that referred disparagingly to Rafe’s body as “not the best.” I couldn’t disagree more, not in total, and most certainly not when it comes to the marble sculpture that are his abdominals and obliques. Add a cup of water and a squirt of detergent and I swear to you it would require not more than three passes to get your laundry clean on that washboard! The separation between each scale of that armor is superhuman. I’d want no one else’s ripped to shreds core on my wrestling god assemblage.
As our eyes wander upward from Rafe’s rocking abs, we’ll see the luscious pecs of Darius. Choosing whose pecs to add to my homoerotic wrestling god was perhaps the most difficult selection of all. If I hadn’t already cannibalized Troy Baker’s legs, his pecs very well could’ve beat out Darius’. As it is though, it’s Darius’ monster pecs that made the shortlist. Hot. Damn.
Shoulders were another tough call for me, but I decided that my homoerotic wrestling god of my own creation will have Wade Cutler’s delts. The mountainous, angular boulders that were Wade’s shoulders always completely captivated me, and they still do today as I treasure the moments where Wade shows up in my library of homoerotic wrestling. Massive, wide, veiny shoulders are intensely erotic, not to mention damn useful in a fierce wrestling contest. My wrestling god compilation sports the best shoulders I could think of.
Again, arms were difficult to select, owing to the deep field of worthy applicants. I’m giving a nod to rookie beauty, Thiago Diaz, however, because his arms are stunning. With arms it’s certainly not all about size. Shape, proportion, balance and definition speak to me more when it comes to arms than blunt size. Thiago’s bulging biceps and massively thick forearms are entirely worthy additions to the wrestling god of my creation.
Finally, capping off the physical perfection of my wrestling god creation is the devastatingly handsome face of Brad Rochelle. Brad was in a barnburner of a race against exactly one other gorgeously handsome homoerotic wrestling hunk to lend his face to my creation. It was the cleft chin that just 5 seconds ago made me select Brad’s perfect visage.
Of course, this ideal homoerotic wrestling body I’ve just created requires some extensive smoothing and adjusting to match up size, complexion, and proportion. And I’m already thinking that, while this fits my “Muscle Worshipper” type that I scored highest on in yesterday’s quiz from Manof1000Holds, an equally perfect body would be made of entirely different parts to construct my idea of perfection when it comes to a pretty boy (okay, some of the same parts would certainly apply), or a bad boy.
Excellent exercise, AH! I hope you’re managing to keep yourself entertained as you wait for the power to come back on. So whose parts would comprise your ideal homoerotic wrestler?