Time’s a wasting, so if anyone is going to still benefit from seeing side by side (or top to bottom) comparisons of the nominees for BG East Bestie awards before polls close at midnight tomorrow night, I’d better get on it.
The Best Body category is an enigmatic one for me. Taking in the whole of a wrestler’s physique speaks to different tastes and attention. How the academy narrowed the field down to these six specimens, I can’t imagine, but it’s a very, very hot field to choose from.
Competition for Best Bulge is probably equally as subjective, but when we zoom in on the crotch, I have to think that size matters. In this case, these are the boys with the heft and volume to get nominations from the academy.
Nominees for Top Heel somehow seems like one of the clearest categories in the poll. The pro wrestling heel is an iconic role, and at BG East, it’s inhabited by some of the hottest, most merciless and vicious bad asses on the planet. Defending Top Heel of 2014, Kid Karisma, didn’t even make the cut this year, but this year’s field is incredibly competitive.
As anticipated, BG East has posted their poll for the Bestie awards, recognizing the fan favorites for their wrestlers and matches featured in 2015. Drake and I did our pre-scout report last week, but now that we have the actual nominees in hand, I wanted to do a quick comparison in the interest of aiding voters in making the best choices. I’ll just stick to the individual categories because you only have until midnight this Friday to submit your votes. First up, lets take a look at the faces of the nominees for Top Babyface.
Next up, let’s compare the awesome abs nominated for Best Abs of 2015.
I’m not the first person to note that a prominent 2-time champion of the Best Abs Bestie was not nominated this year, despite appearing on the mats in 2015 for BG East. I don’t know if the academy intentionally snubbed Eli Black, or if there was a calculated judgment that Eli’s killer abs were truly out distanced by the 6 lovely, lean hunks above. In any case, just a look at the abs that are not in contention this year…
I’ll take a look at the field for Best Body and Best Bulge tomorrow…
I’m still making amends for neglecting the top shelf homoerotic wrestlers who worked their muscled asses off so far this year while I neglected to award anyone the title of Homoerotic Wrestler of the Months. April saw the BGE release of catalog 108, so it’s little wonder its another BG East boy taking the crown for that month. What a mouthwatering selection to pick from in that catalog! After an unconventional pick for the month of March, I know I’m back to my predictable self when I turn my full on, slack jawed, weak kneed, fawning adoration on April’s HWOTM winner…
A Lon Dumont wrestler spotlight DVD was long overdue, and perhaps it was my breathless anticipation of a full course meal of my favorite wrestler turned bodybuilder turned wrestler that accentuated how prominently he was featured in my fondest moments of enjoying wrestling in April. But honestly, from start to finish, that spotlight DVD is fantastically all about Lon Dumont doing everything he does best, which includes looking phenomenal, talking trash like the champ he is, and executing an expertly told, technically superior pro wrestling story not just once, not just twice, but three spine tingly times on one DVD!
To start the first match, he takes a seat to enjoy the gun show as his pumped, powerful rookie opponent poses. Lon knows how to serve up rookie beef perfectly, tenderizing big, bulging Biff Farrell and forcing the humbled hunk to flex for Lon’s (and our) pleasures.
He tames the beast that is the Best Bulge winner for 2015, schooling a surprisingly competitive upstart, pretty Pete Sharp, and settling a simmering score between them.
And he overcomes bodybuilding contest prep carb starving to defend his honor and retrieve his stolen bodybuilding trophy from clearly jealous Charlie Panther. Lon is such a compelling, engaging, and provocative character, he’s always going to contend for awards I’m handing out. Claiming the crown a second time after last being awarded HWOTM in November 2011, and of course possessing the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler for extended periods of time, Lon Dumont is hands down winner of the title of Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month for April, 2015 here at neverland.
I always feel like I need to apologize to pretty Pete Sharp’s baby blue eyes, his full lips, his sculpted torso, and his gorgeous ass. Because I struggle to tear my eyes away from, much less write much about anything other than that magnificent, mountainous, mouthwatering, award-winning Best Bulge of 2014.
His ring gear in his match again Lon Dumont (same he wore against Braden in Jobberpaloozer 13) does not accentuate his gargantuan package as much as his mat gear does. However, I have a hard time imagining what gear could manage to disguise that massive ballast he’s stowing in the front of his trunks.
Pete is wild card, it seems to me. He’s been bested more than he’s come out on top in his young career with BG East, but at no point has he ever failed to earn respect. His natural habitat seems to me to be on the mats. He seems more settled inside that flawless skin of his when he’s barefoot. There’s a shade more uprightness about his bearing in boots and inside the ring. Lon seems to be certain that he’s got the bronzed god’s number, alluding to some tag team collaboration they’ve had somewhere that went terribly awry (read: they lost, and Lon is convinced it was the rookie’s fault). Lon promises to take the dazzlingly beautiful hunk back to first grade, reviewing the basics of professional wrestling for the aspiring grappler. He promises to exact just a little retribution for the humiliation of being yoked to Pete’s rookie mistakes in some indy pro tag team match I’m guessing we will never see. But best of all, Lon promises that nothing short of total submission will count in this match. In other words, these two shining, gorgeous specimens of muscle are in a forced-to-flex match!
All of that beauty, the dreamy eyes, the tasteful ink, the pumped and glistening muscles seem to inevitably make opponents discount pretty Pete Sharp from the start. And it’s true, looking that pretty is frequently a one-way ticket to an ass-kicking in these parts. But Lon discovers instantly that the ass kicking is a two way street on this fine day, and big, powerful, blindly beautiful Pete goes full throttle all over the lightweight bodybuilder.
Lon is incensed. I love that moment when an opponent nudges Lon over the edge of calm, rational calculation. He morphs from pedantic college professor into vile, heartless heel in the blink of an eye. And holy fuck, does he go to town on pretty Pete. I think Lon has his BG East fans in mind as he manages to twist and rip and pry apart Pete’s phenomenal physique at all the right angles. He bends him over backward, threatening to rip the rookie’s head off, and not accidentally showing off that fan favorite huge package along the way. He repeatedly ties the golden hunk up in the ropes, torturing the beautiful kid like a vision of St. Sebastian.
And Pete sells the suffering sweetly. I could almost feel sorry for the battered hunk… if I weren’t so damned turned on by the sight of him so bashed and controlled so completely. True to his word, Lon manages to zero out the advantages that pretty Pete has in sheer size and raw strength. I confess to having a warm and moist spot for a smaller opponent totally dominating a big, ripped, superhero-looking stud like Pete.
Thing is, Pete’s a fighter. There’s no point at which you should count him out until the camera turns off, because he keeps coming back. He keeps upending the veteran heel. He keeps defying him, refusing to be crushed. And out of nowhere, he puts my long-time infatuation on his shoulders and pounds out a stunning 3-count.
Pete’s bronzed muscles soaked in sweat are dizzying. His astonishing refusal to play the cowed rookie is breathtaking. And while, sure, watching Lon ride him like a bronco is at the top of my list of favorite things, I’m loving the suspense that these two weave, earning begrudging respect from one another and total, slack jawed adoration from me.
First, let me just reiterate why I find Lon so compelling: aesthetics and attitude. His body is phenomenal. As a competitive bodybuilder, Lon brings a rare level of muscle quality and leanness to the ring. There are plenty of guys bigger, of course. But as Lon points out to his opponents often, there’s a difference between size and functional strength. And as I’m often reminded, lost in reverie admiring his body, there’s a difference between muscle mass and muscle beauty. Lon is one fantastically beautiful muscle man.
There’s nothing wasted about Lon’s physicality. There’s no ounce of weight or inch of topography that isn’t devoted single-mindedly to the construction of a gorgeously proportioned physique. The manner in which he deploys all of that beautiful muscle is similarly efficient. His attacks are quick and incapacitating. Every hold is strategically timed to climax into maximal brutality. He’s decisive, calculating, and with both hands in control of the momentum in the ring, I don’t think there’s anyone else that holds my attention or takes my breath away quite as commandingly.
Then there’s that attitude. I’ve had the immense pleasure of meeting Mr. Dumont in person, and I’m delighted to report that his larger than life personality, his command of the room, his emotional presence is as powerful in real life as it is in the ring. Intellectually, Lon is always on the move from one place to another, and in the ring that translates to an awesome capacity to weave a narrative, to build suspense, to convey character and plot structure that turn the passion play of homoerotic wrestling into captivating melodrama. There’s a start, middle and finish to Lon’s matches, carried through by a fantastic skill in possessing character motivation and embodying a back story. Throughout his long awaited (by me) Wrestler Spotlight, Lon is at the top of his game from every angle.
Like manna from heaven, Lon announces that his battle with pretty Pete is going to be a forced-to-flex match. I’m not sure there’s ever been a more perfect pair to exploit forced-to-flex better. Lon is absolutely dwarfed by his big, stunning, bronze opponent, but that attitude of Lon’s seems to even the odds. And then some. I tend to believe the words that come of Lon’s mouth as gospel, so when he promises to take Pete to school like a naughty truant, I’m just praying there’s some big, pendulous ball claws involved in the coming discipline.
According to Lon, pretty Pete is a weak link. Lon’s given the gorgeous stunner a shot at glory, apparently even tag teaming with Lon in an indy match. But all that promise and muscle on Pete weren’t sufficient to hold up his end of the bargain. Lon berates the bronze beauty. He goes probably a step too far in pronouncing Pete an ugly brute (show me an inch of ugly on Pete, anywhere!!!). He predicts that his ring savvy and superior intellect will enable the veteran to not just punish pretty Pete for his disappointment as a tag team partner, not just teach the blue eyed bombshell some much needed lessons in pro wrestling technique, but Lon assures the dazzling hottie that he will possess him, body and soul, and transform the very essence of Pete’s power into the vehicle of his utter humiliation.
They start to tangle, and Pete completely overpowers the lightweight bodybuilder. Lon charges again and again, only to be swatted away like a gnat. Suddenly, Pete snatches him up in the air, calmly marches across the ring and plants the veteran on his ass atop the top turnbuckle. With a sly, cocky grin, Pete musses Lon’s long locks like playfully chastising a child. Holy fuck, I love this drama!
Tomorrow, I’ll muse a little longer on the most prominent bulge in wrestling, and exactly why I love these two stunningly hot wrestlers going pec to pec.
The BG East Besties have been announced! I’m about 20 times more excited for this than I am the Oscars. Though if a rip ‘n’ strip tuxedo wrestling match breaks out between Bradley Cooper and Ethan Hawke, I may change my mind. I made my ballot abundantly clear a couple of weeks ago, so let’s look at who the majority of voters picked for the Best at BG East in 2015.
Best Babyface for a 3rd year in a row goes to Jake Jenkins. Little surprise, and there’s nothing to argue with, because JJ is such a sexy, stunning babyface beauty. My vote went into Denny Cartier’s column, but all hail the undefeated best babyface winner, JJ!
In the absence of two time winner Jonny Firestorm, this year’s Best Heel award goes to Kid Karisma. Is it bittersweet for KK that he didn’t get to actually defeat Jonny for the title this year? I’ll never quibble with KK getting lauded, though I am curious that the majority that voted for him didn’t award any of his matches honors this year. My pick, Guido Genatto, scored two matches in the top awards. Of course, no one says any of us are required to maintain any internal consistency in our favorites.
Ripping the title of Best Abs away from 2-time winner Eli Black was Z-Man this year. What a phenomenal field all around, though my adoration will always be for Lon Dumont’s midsection. I will, however, stare for days on end at every inch of Z-Man and marvel at his perpetually phenomenal fitness.
What has to be considered an upset is oh-so-pretty Pete Sharp crowding out 2-time winner Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) for Best Bulge this year. Pete was my pick, but still, I have to think of this as an upset for the man who’s made his massive bulge such a feature of every match. Perhaps the very fact that Pete is so understated about the massive mountain in his pouch is what sells him hardest as Best Bulge of 2015.
Best Butt of 2015 sees the title change hands from 2-time winner Kid Karisma to always butt-beautiful Cameron Matthews. What an incredibly accomplished, top shelf field to choose from, and I have to think Cameron and Kid are always going to be battling back and forth for fan favorite butt. I think this really requires a butt-naked wrestling match between the two of them to help us make the call for 2015.
Best Body this year broke for Austin Cooper. Z-Man has got to be seething to lose his title from last year! Personally, I think this all merely proves that Kid Karisma (my pick) is the most underrated physique in homoerotic wrestling. However I have no trouble at all seeing what the majority of voters saw when the tapped goldenboy Austin for the honors.
Jobber of the Year goes to last year’s Debut of the Year, Kip Sorell. Rio Garza wasn’t even under consideration to defend the title after owning it the past 2 years. It was a seriously tight competition, and Kip was on the receiving end of some of the hottest beatdowns of 2014, without a doubt (even though NONE of them make an appearance in the best match awards!). I still say Drake Marcos is my top jobber pick, mostly because it irritates him so much to be called jobber, which I think is a supremely awesome quality in a jobber.
Debut of the Year saw the rest of you agreeing with me that Ty Alexander burned up the scene his rookie year. Clearly, one can’t “defend” his best debut title, but just for context, Ty joins the likes of Eli Black (Class of 2012) and Kip Sorell (Class of 2013). I expect to see some amazing things from the sophomore year of adorable Ty.
Don’t forget that all of the nominated matches this year are on sale for 25% off through the end of the month. I’ll take a look at the best match winners next…
When the stars align and my homoerotic wrestler of the month is also my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling overall, it’s time to sit back and appreciate what makes a particular hunk so dominant in my affections. There are a lot of stunning attributes to Kid Karisma, many of which I don’t mention nearly enough. Those glacial blue eyes are riveting. There are not nearly enough hot, hunky gingers populating homoerotic wrestling, so again, Kid K fills a necessary role in what turns me on. And he suggested in my interview with him a while back that he’s actually particularly proud of his mammoth horseshoe triceps. But let’s face it, there will never be enough said, nor enough photographic studies done to exhaust the wonder that is his stunning ass. So, again I say, let’s face it…