Since wrestling Drake Marcos a year and a half go, things have remained tense between the two of us. Words were said. Photographic evidence was shared. Excuses were made. While I understand why a Kid Leopard-trained professional homoerotic wrestler would nurse some stewing bitterness against the inexperienced blogger who upended him in the ring, I, on the other hand, continue to hold nothing but the highest regard for the Cheshire Cat.
So when Drake finally climbed out of his shame hole to return to the world of blogging, I demonstrated, once again, who was the bigger man by reaching out to the hot jobber and inviting him to sit down with me and handicap the BG East Besties in anticipation of their year-end fan poll. With a passing homage to Siskel & Ebert, I proposed that we dub this tete-a-tete “At the Matches with Bard & Drake.” In case you’re looking for ideas of who to vote for, or your simply as tickled as I am to watch Drake squirm, here are our takes on the year in BG East wrestling.
Bard: So Drake, thanks for agreeing to sit down with me and shoot the shit. I hope you don’t mind I put my name first in the marquee: “At the Matches with Bard & Drake.”
Drake: I mean, the only reason you’re first is because of alphabetical rules and I was taught that you’re supposed to help old ladies carry their groceries so… It’s merely my manners that’s allowing this.
Bard: Yes, clearly you’re up to your skinny little neck in manners. Since it’s age before beauty, I’ll take the reins as we begin to consider the highlights in homoerotic wrestling from the past year.
Drake: You do that, Bard. It’s like reading to the nursing home patients for me.
Bard: Careful there, Drake, or I’ll beat you with my cane… again. Let’s start with a subject you’re particularly expert in: jobbing. There were some sweet moments in jobbing this year. I immediately think of mouthwatering Richie Douglas getting trussed up, spread eagled in the corner ropes with a raging, sweaty Lane Hartley place kicking the kid’s balls. Any sweet jobbing highlights stick out for you when you think about 2015?
Drake: While I still am not a fan of the title you give me, there is something I do know, and that’s how to recognize a good sell. And while adorable Richie Douglas does a great job getting his pretty little ass kicked, I ultimately think that the best jobber working in the BG stable right now is Chet Chastain. I mean holy fuck! The work he put in with Guido? Jesus Christ…my dick was sore for days!
Bard: Chet, fuck yes. He’s come on like a house on fire in 2015. I completely agree with you he’s selling like a brand new iPhone these days. Although Chet clearly possesses a thorough indy pro wrestling resume prior to his arrival in the homoerotic wrestling universe, technically he “debuted” in 2015. I also have to rank Biff Farrell’s entry into BG East competition as one of the most phenomenal arrivals on the scene in 2015 as well. What a meatscicle!
Drake: There’s something about Biff that I really like. And, if you know Drake Marcos, you know I thrive for duality. He alternately looks like the kid in the old comic book ads who beefs up after getting sand kicked in his face on the beach while also looking like the sand-kicking bully as well. He’s got that right mix of bully buff but also golden boy babyface. He’s definitely a great find.
Bard: Any other new faces grab your attention, and by attention, I mean your dick?
Drake: I’m kinda all about Chet these days though. My muscle fascination finds me petting myself a bit over big brick shit house (as my dad used to say) Vasily Volkov. Mmmm, yes ma’am. And there’s also something about Mad Mykel that plays my strings. I think it’s his unbridled insanity. It’s quite entertaining.
Bard: Mad Mykel has wound me up and set me off in both of his 2015 releases. Which brings me back to adorable babyface Richie Douglas, who looked like the varsity quarterback getting mauled and molested by the badboy detention king when Mad Mykel got his hands all over him.
Drake: Yes, while I think Mykel needs some fine-tuning in the ring, the character he plays is perfect for him. It was quite hot watching him put the smackdown on that little ripped Texan poster boy. Completely unhinged, unpredictable, and his tactics push a lot of buttons. I mean it’s kind of fleeting, but there’s a moment when Ty has just had enough and goes into black out hulk mode and rages out on Mykel. That was quite a joy to see, seeing as he lacked much of that fire when I put my ass in his face…er…his ass in his place.
Bard: Ah, yes, Drake’s glory days get dragged, kicking and screaming into the conversation. Now that you mention it, you were one of several BG East staples who seemed to sit on the shelf most of this year. Other than your early year X-Fight with red-headed sex pot Steven Ponce, you were oddly absent from the new release list in 2015. What gives, Cheshire Cat?
Drake: 2015 was a year of transition and change for me. A lot of different things happened that kept me sidelined and otherwise preoccupied. I think BG realized that with just how much I burned up the release calendar last year that it was probably a time to let it cool. Like Lady Gaga, I ran the risk of overexposure, so I took some time off. To think, to meditate, to decide just who Drake Marcos really is, and who he’s going to be in the greater scheme of things. I’ll be back in 2016. There’s plenty of red hot matches in the can for me, and I am working on getting back into action very, very soon.
Bard: Sure, I can picture you as the Lady Gaga of homoerotic wrestling. In fact, that might be a pretty sensational new nickname for you.
Drake: Unfortunately I think that moniker has already been taken by precious little lily Ty Alexander thanks to Shane McCall. But I identify more with her than he does anyways, so, in spirit I guess.
Bard: I was worried that your bitter, public humiliation at the hands of a mere blogger late in 2014 might have permanently sucked out your mojo. I’m glad to hear your absence is merely indicative of a meditative retreat and PR pacing. You know how much I enjoy watching that fine ass of yours getting beat in the ring.
Drake: “Bitter, public humiliation?” I yawn as you continue to talk about this. Okay, so what? You kicked my ass, fine, whatever. There’s a whole extra side to that that you’re lax to let come out so I’m ok with that. Gloss over the times I had you screaming in pain…the long drawn out submissions I put you through…the vicious beating I laid on you, that’s fine. You got lucky, that’s all. While my loss to you smarts, it didn’t kill any of my mojo, but it did play a part in my hiatus. Like Ronda vs. Holly Holm, I’m taking my time, training, working hard and am going to come back and finally, completely and utterly shut you up once and for all. I think we’ll do some redecorating of your blog. Maybe put a nice big banner of you laid out naked in the ring with my foot on your face for everyone to see.
Bard: Ouch! I apparently touched a nerve there. Sorry (not sorry). I look forward to witnessing, first hand, your desperate attempt to redeem yourself. Hopefully we can work something out in 2016 to give you the opportunity to suck on some more big, hard, throbbing humiliation.
Drake: Bring it, Bard. Fucking bring it.
Bard: I love the sound of petulant desperation in your voice! You are such a seductive jobber. Speaking of hot and horny competitive tension, were there any explicitly erotic moments in 2015 wrestling that stuck with you?
Drake: Van Skyler’s sweat-soaked squash by Flash LaCash is quite a highlight. Flash has never really been on my radar as a heel thanks to his mustache. Seriously, he reminds of the old Dudley Do-Right cartoons where the evil villain ties a damsel to the train tracks and then laughs evilly as he twirls his mustache around his fingers as the train approaches. But him whupping on impossibly gorgeous Van is a definite highlight. Ty’s picture perfect whupping by my “owner” Mason Brooks is blazing hot and not to mention the dismantling of Trey Dixon by god-on-earth Logan Vaughn.
Bard: See, now, there are three perfect examples of where we can get along and agree completely. Mason’s ring debut against Ty in Florida Fights 5 is definitely a highlight. I rarely see an accomplished mat wrestler take to the ring with quite the aplomb and success of Mason. And holy hell, I have got to believe Van Skyler could command a massive fan base if he keeps getting that magnificently muscled ass wedgied and pounded. But when it comes to hurtling headlong into the “explicit” side of the scene, Trey Dixon’s worshipful tongue bath of every… bulging… beautiful inch of Logan Vaughn is probably a top tier contender for my favorite moment of the year. Can you imagine getting your handsome face crushed like a grape between Logan’s gargantuan thighs!? Because I can. In fact, I am imagining your head getting crushed between Logan’s thighs right now, and, as I suspected, it’s turning me on hard.
Drake: Seeing Ty get trounced is always fun in my book. Seeing it get done by someone as sexy as Mason is a real treat. I’m pretty sure Mason can succeed at everything he does. The man is a dangerous jack-of-all trades. Van has a great body, but I believe it’s his granite chiseled jawline that sends me swooning. The man is classically beautiful. And about that headscissor, I’m pretty sure you’re imagining your own head getting crushed, not mine.
Bard: Hmmm, let me consult my most arousing fantasies…. Nope, it’s your handsome mug trapped between Logan’s tree trunks that I’m picturing. Anyhow, in the full on sexually explicit end of the pool, at least the matches featuring full frontal nudity, is it my imagination, or was the field a little light this year? How do you think your sweaty romp against Steven Ponce stacks up against the handful of other naked delights this year?
Drake: Oh, without a doubt, head and shoulders above the rest. At my count there’s 7, and one of them, as the Kid Karisma match against Marco Carlow, which, while hot, doesn’t really classify as an explicit match like some of us who engage in full-monty wrestling with aplomb. Gold Shaft versus Dalton was fun. Smooth, Latino masked heel versus big, buff, tatted daddy with MASSIVE fucking bulges all around. Then you have the 3-for-all with Ty, Chace, and Kayden, which features Chace going full monty for the first time, I think, so we get to see ALL of his gorgeous Adonis body. Ring Releases 3 was blistering hot too. You have big dicked Mykel cockslapping Ty all over the Florida ring and then you have Kayden Keller getting somewhat of a comeuppance at the hands of the person voted least likely to do just that, little Leo Tomasi. That hot little segment seals the deal for me. Then you have Jafar running around commanding two muscle slaves, which didn’t do a single thing for me.
Bard: For highlights, seeing Marco Carlow and Chace LaChance go full monty for the first time definitely makes my highlight reel for the year. Kid Karisma walking out of the room with his trunks on while Marco delivered a naked flexing session nearly made my head, explode though. Fuck, I predict Kid K would break the internet if he finally answered my prayers and honest to the wrestling gods wrestled naked.
Drake: But then we have MY match, and it proves, if anything, I know my fans and what they want. I’d been wanting to get my hands all over that ginger muscle since I first met him. I let my dick do the thinking though, and, well you see what happened, but it’s fucking sexy as hell.
Bard: I rank Kayden and Leo’s match as neck and neck with you getting muscle tamed by lovely Steven as the top of the heap when it comes to cocks out, lips locked, explosive wrestling matches this year. Watching you swarm all over Ponce’s luscious body and work up a sweet head of steam, only to get distracted and slapped down into your place brought up such fond memories for me.
Drake: My place is not always there! I’m telling you, 2016 is going to be very different
Bard: I love all that pluck and promise, Drake. So, it sounds like Super Hero Heels 7 did not do it for you, and again, I agree with you. I loved the potential, but the plot fell short for me. I’d also say the third match in Undagear 23 fell seriously flat for me, watching Ethan Andrews humorlessly mugging pretty Jayden Mayne. Extremely hot potential there, but the lack of chemistry and cold, relentlessly bullying from Ethan just failed to live up to the promise for me. Any other misses in this year’s field that you’d call out?
Drake: I agree with you on the Ethan match. It seemed a little too personal for me. Ummm, misses…Zach Reno’s hair is a big miss for me. However, I think this was another banner year for BG. Solid catalogs from start to finish with best value for dollar entertainment from the best homoerotic wrestling company out there. I do have to say though, and I don’t know how this missed mention as it’s definitely one of my all time favorites now, can we talk about Cameron versus Blaine in Barefoot Babyfaces?
Bard: Absolutely we talk about Cameron and Blaine. I appreciate how politely and respectfully you asked my permission. Rip, strip, and sweat-soaked sexiness in that match! What commends it to get your highest marks for 2015?
Drake: It’s definitely one of the most unexpected and inventive matches I think I’ve seen come out of BG in a while. Cameron is at his fittest, his absolute best that I think we’ve seen him since his Submissions winner last year against Jake Lowe. And you know I have a ridiculous soft spot (read: hard-on) for lovely Canucks like Blaine Janus.
Bard: You aren’t the only BG East wrestler I’ve talked to who holds Blaine in very, very high regard. They are quite a sensational pairing. I love how much time Blaine spends with his fingers wrapped around Cameron’s balls.
Drake: But I think what put this over the top for me is how completely and thoroughly Blaine outwrestles, outsmarts, and outmuscles the wrestling legend. I mean, he’s bound in the corner as Blaine scales him like King Kong on the Empire State Building and headscissors him on the top turnbuckle and demands not only a complete submission, but that Cameron call Blaine the “king!”
Bard: Definitely, there’s something very special about a “pro-upended” narrative like that.
Drake: And then, like a debased, dethroned king that he is, he’s hung in the town square/ corner with his own robe/singlet until he’s out cold, choked out.
Bard: Definitely, super sweet wrestling drama! You’ve got good taste, Drake. I approve of slotting Cameron & Blaine in Barefoot Babyfaces 1 as a top notch highlight of the year. I think if push comes to shove, I’d have to give my very favorite, hauntingly arousing match choice to Logan & Trey’s wrestle-worship session in Florida Fights 5. In case BG East does another year-end Besties award season, are you willing to name names of who you think you’ll be voting for? Top babyface?
Bard: I have to say, I do like this tell-it-like-it-is spirit you’ve got lately. I’ll definitely take it under advisement. If my vote doesn’t go for you, I think Biff could be my surprise pick (at least, I find myself a little surprised to be so taken by a rookie). Top heel?
Bard: I may just give my vote to Joe Mazetti from the Comeback 2. Joe’s phenomenal work battling his internal demons even as he battles big Biff Farrell is really amazing to watch. And when he finally just lets the fuck loose, there’s something both pristinely classic and fresh as a daisy in his heeling. Since you were my last year’s vote for jobber of the year, I certainly respect your opinion about that category. Who grabs your vote this time?
Drake: Well, I don’t have many matches this year and I definitely was NOT a jobber in the one I did have, but I did quite enjoy seeing Ty Alexander get tossed around the ring this year by experienced mat vet Mason and inexperienced psycho Mad Mykel. Can I give it to Kayden for the 20 minute slapdown he received from Leo?
Bard: You can do anything you want, but I have to think Kayden might not take it kindly, getting a jobber of the year vote from you. Which, frankly, could set up a sensational grudge match that I’d love to see between you and him.
Drake: (laughing) Seriously though, it’s almost a tie between Chet and Ty, but I think Ty edges him out strictly for going full monty. Just barely though.
Bard: I think I’d also throw my vote Ty’s way this year. Richie speaks to my crotch as a close 2nd place, though. For debut of the year I’ve got to go with big Biff for all the reasons we’ve already talked about. I think Van Skyler could be a majorly hot commodity in the coming year, but for who made the biggest splash, I just don’t think it gets bigger than big, bulging, beautiful beefcake Biff. You going with Chet on this one?
Drake: I think it’s a virtual tie. I love the hurting Biff put on Joe, but I also love Chet’s sweet, sweet suffering. I don’t know. This is a hard one for me. I might have to use both email addresses (laughing). Van is someone I definitely can see wrestling his way into my heart with those rugged good looks (sigh).
Bard: What are your thoughts about who would get your vote this year for best abs in competition?
Drake: Eli Black…duh.
Bard: Wrong. Lon Dumont. Make a note. Now let’s move on. Best bulge?
Drake: Pete Sharp, bar none.
Bard: You are correct. Jonny Firestorm’s impressive excitement in wrestling his fanboy crush, Christopher Bruce, is compelling. But then Pete shows up and blocks out the sun with that gargantuan mountain in his pouch. Who’s your leading contender for Best Butt?
Drake: I think I’m not the only one who was pissed off last year when Cameron pulled off the upset for best ass. That throne has always and will always belong to Kid Karisma in my heart. His ass is so perfect, round and juicy. I just want to bury my face in it. But Cameron and Austin definitely deserve nominations
Bard: Kid Karisma and Cameron Matthews have been duking out this category for years now. I’m completely with you in being seriously surprised that Cameron took the title away from Kid K last year. I think that Van Skyler’s muscled cheeks bring something new and seriously competitive to the table this year, but I have to agree with you. Kid Karisma’s ass is pure gold. Do you need a minute to unbury your face from Kid K’s juicy glutes, or can I ask you about the highly controversial Best Body category?
Drake: What I wouldn’t give to have the chance to bury my face in his glutes. It’s just such a work of art. I think we know where you stand on Best Bod…
Bard: I’m continuing my campaign from last year, arguing that Kid Karisma has, hands down, the finest body in wrestling these days. You?
Drake: For me it’s kind of a crowded field. We have the return of the ridiculously shredded and acrobatic MJ Vergara. There’s my penultimate favorite of Chace LaChance who won my vote last year (although that might have been influenced by just how viciously his centerfold spread in a Florida magazine seized my balls). Flash looks fucking fantastic and has won my worship this year, after years of despising him. You also have Logan Vaughn who I think has brought this fucking fight to a standstill with those gargantuan legs, and then you’ve got past favorites like Yawn Dumont and ZzzMan, oh, oh and Rio.
Bard: Yawn Dumont!? As the president of the Lon Dumont fan club, let me just say you’d draw blood bumping against his razor sharp cuts, Cheshire Cat.
Drake: Come on! That was fucking clever and you know it!
Bard: I concede how clever you think you are. If there were a category for best legs (and fuck, why is there not!?), Logan would own it now and always. You seem undecided with Best Body this year, but I suspect I know which match you think was Sexiest.
Drake: Sexiest match…hmm…let’s see. As I’ve stated previously, Trey Dixon versus Logan Vaughn is a huge contender for this title, even though I don’t remember it getting totally explicit. Then you have the fun little three-way with Chace vs Kayty. But I don’t think any of it quite measures up to the head of steam and pool of sweat worked up by yours truly and the ginger.
Bard: Credit where credit is due, X-Fights 39 was smoking hot. I have to give it to you, I put it in my first place position as well, followed by Trey & Logan. My third choice would be Kayden and Leo’s match. Wow, wow, wow.
Drake: It was pretty hot watching Kayden munch on Leo’s ass
Bard: For best mat match, do you also put yourself in the top spot? I think I’d throw in with a dark horse candidate for Blaine Janus and Andy Hammer in Matmen 25.
Drake: I love me some Andy Hammer, and I’m an admitted Janus fanboy, but besides the obvious choice in my match with Ponce, the only real contender I see is coming from Karisma and Marco in Undagear 23. That was a spectacularly sexy little mat rumble. I mean, they’re shorter dudes so they’ve got that sexy, compact, bite-size musclehunk thing going on, and just watching them wrap each other up in that sexy, sinewy hardness…mmm baby!
Bard: Seeing sensational Marco go full monty and give a sweaty flex show in humiliating defeat was a huge highlight of this year. I concur: Mmmmm baby. There were lots of ring matches this year to choose from. Which gets your vote for the best?
Drake: Talk about a crowded field! Well, we definitely can’t go without giving credit to Fan Fantasy 2 with Jonny and Chris. Phenomenal performers, consummate professionals, and HUGE legends in our company. And it was super hot watching Flash pound Van like a 2-dollar steak in Gut Bash 12. But I kinda think I’ll go with my dick on this one and cast my ballot for The Comeback with Mazetti versus Biff.
Bard: It’s a complete toss up for me between The Comeback & Trey & Logan’s Florida Fight. Both were hot ring battles, and both pushed me way over the edge.
Drake: Oh, don’t get me wrong, I loved Trey versus Logan, but I just think in terms of pure ring skill and talent, I gotta go with the examples I gave. And I’m so ashamed that this keeps happening, but… Barefoot Babyfaces with Blaine and Cameron. Can we just…give them all of the awards that I’m not qualified for?
Bard: You are such a fanboy!
Drake: I mean, seriously, this match touched sooooo many of my buttons. I seriously have not felt this way about a match since I was introduced to BG thru Nick Archer versus Josh Avery. I think that’s why it keeps missing notice when we talk about this stuff, because it’s completely transcended this year for me. Instant classic. I fucking love it.
Bard: Wow! That’s as unqualified an endorsement as I’ve ever heard.
Drake: Unqualified? Then why the hell did you ask me for my opinion on this shit?
Bard: Don’t take offense, Drake. Fuck, your fuse is short. Gotta get you back in the ring and light that thing again. Now, when it comes to Best Squash, as I mentioned, I really like Lane’s work all over luscious Richie Douglas, and Kid K’s handling of Marco Carlow was definitely a squash. Where is your squash-loving eye drawn for the best squash?
Drake: While I very much enjoyed Flash’s beat downs of both Van and Biff, I think this one just plain belongs to Fan Fantasy 3 Guido and Chet.
Bard: Guido and Chet, definitely a sweet squash. So, you’re an insider, so perhaps you can clear up the next category from last year’s Besties. What are we voting on when it comes to “Best Submission?” I mean, there are matches nominated, but not specific submissions. What’s up with this, and who are you voting for this year?
Drake: I never knew for sure, but my suspicion is that maybe this started out as like a “Most Creative Submission” type thing when they were planning out some ultra-specific nomination? Or maybe it’s Best Submission Match? If it’s the latter than it would have to go to Jonny versus Stone in Submissions 10. Jonny is a master of the submission hold, as he comes up with shit on the spot and always executes the shit flawlessly. If we’re going by my original interpretation, then Blaine’s long corner turnbuckle headscissor, singlet bound, choke out of Cameron Matthews in Barefoot Babyfaces.
Bard: I’ve been torn between those two possible interpretations. You are like a dog with a bone with the Barefoot Babyfaces, now aren’t you? I need no coaching when it comes to knowing what I like for Best Liplock. Unlike ring matches, there were precious few liplocks this year, and I’m bitter about that. But your make out with Steven Ponce and Kayden and Ty’s snogging session in Ring Releases 2 were sensational. What’s up with so few liplocks in 2015, do you think?
Drake: Yes, yes this match is criminally underseen and underdiscussed. And I totally agree the sexiness factor this year was about as scarce as ring matches were plentiful, which is crazy unfortunate. This year I think I’ll reclaim my title from my debut year.
Bard: I’m impressed with your dispassionate objectivity and understated restraint (sarcasm dripping).
Drake: Now as to why the liplocks are so few, I don’t know. That’s also another area of speculation. Maybe the fans wanted to see more wrestling and less porn this year? I do know that there’s a long, arduous process that goes into putting a catalog together, and when combining fans’ wants with personal professional choices, something has to give. We had a LOT of stellar and new talent this year, and there’s a ton of sexy muscle to sink our teeth into, so who knows?
Bard: So, the final category is 2015’s Best Match. I’m waiting in suspense as to whether you’ll pick your own match or Barefoot Babyfaces.
Drake: I’m gonna take the high-road for once Bard. Instead of telling you who you should vote for (me), I’ll tell you who the nominees should be: The Comeback with Joe and Biff, Barefoot Babyfaces with Blaine and Cameron, X-Fights 39 with Drake and Ponce, and Fan Fantasy with Guido and Chet. What about you, Obi Bard Kenobi? What is the absolute top match to come out of BG in 2015?
Bard: You travel the high road!? Now that’s the first contender for biggest surprise of 2016. Anyhow, my short list also has The Comeback, Trey & Logan in Florida Fights 5, and, yes, your sexy, erotic sweat battle in X-Fights 39.
Drake: I mean, if I didn’t know just how amazing my match was then I’d say you’re just flattering me, but…
Bard: I’ve always been a major fan of your work, Drake. I particularly enjoy your weeping and gnashing of teeth when a blogger has you trussed up but good, but alas, that was 2014.
Drake: Yeah. It was. So shut up.
Bard: Never, buckaroo. Anyhow, this has been very illuminating. Based on our discussion, I’m going to go back and review some of these matches before the voting begins. Before we wrap up, any final details you care to give about what you see 2016 holding for you?
Drake: I see 2016 being a very productive year for me both on and off the mats. Blog updates, writing, wrestling…I’ve never really given anyone reason to follow my blog, so if you haven’t started following me, this is the year to do so.
Bard: You’re planning on updating your blog again?! This will be a banner year, now won’t it?
Drake: What does 2016 hold for you…besides your cumuppance at my hands?
Bard: I think this is going to be a great year for me. I’m looking for positive and exciting changes behind the scenes. I’m looking forward to writing more fiction, snagging more interviews, and once I’ve repeated my performance in our rematch, maybe I’ll do a little web redesign after choking the administrative passwords out of you for drakefuckingmarcos.
Drake: Ha! Look at you. You just wrote some fiction right there!
Bard: Only time will tell, Drake. It’s been a peculiar and perverse pleasure chatting with you, as always. I hope 2016 gives you everything you’ve got coming to you. And I mean that sincerely.
Drake: And you as well Bard. Always a pleasure…kinda.