Leaving aside (for a moment) that I was in the room when Leon Cyrus faced down the twin twunk terrors, Mickey Knoxx and Nick Lean, One Man Wrecking Crew is a fucking hot match! Two-on-one matches can be tricky. The chemistry, the drama, the technical challenges of wrestling holds… there are a lot of moving pieces and potential pitfalls, to be honest. Individually, Leon, Mickey, and Nick are sexy as fuck, of course. The Venn diagram of what they share in common and what separates them is fascinating. Leon is an institution, a fucking beast of a man who towers over Mickey and Nick and is packing an overwhelming size advantage that would steam roll over either of his lightweight opponents, and in prior encounters, already has. Nick and Mickey are both fit and experienced and gorgeous as fuck, though, and at the outset, I’m thinking that with just a little cooperation and a lot of luck, they seriously might have a chance of humbling the Swiss Menace. When this throw down started, I honestly had no idea what to expect. And that, right there, is my absolute favorite type of homoerotic wrestling match!

“The both of you couldn’t beat me separately, so let’s try the two of you together,” Leon declares, flexing his guns in their faces. Nick and Mickey both scoff at the challenge, though you can’t miss the slight widening of the eyes as they stare up at the mountain threatening to come crashing down on them. It starts out as a gentlemanly tag team set-up, with Nick eagerly (foolishly?) stepping up to take on Leon. And 4.6 seconds later, Nick is hoisted off his feet and getting the life squeezed out of him in a gargantuan bearhug. Leon insists that Mickey tag in to “rescue” Nick, and almost as fast, Mickey is hanging upside down in a bearhug, with Leon indulging in a face full of Mickey’s award winning glutes.

I cannot get enough of Mickey Knoxx. This should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog. He’s absolutely beautiful and absolutely nobody’s clone at the same time. He and Leon have opted to wear assless gear to start this match, and if it were up to me, Mickey would always wrestle that way. Mickey’s fucking fierce in this way that’s completely disproportionate to his chances. He comes in like a house on fire, slapping Leon in the chest and, for just a split second, I swear Mickey looks every bit as big and intimidating as the cocky beast who, objectively speaking, has got to have at least 100 pounds over him.

“Who is sexier, I’m not sure,” Leon asks, quite literally saying out loud what I’m thinking as was recording this match. This trip to Wrestlefest NYC was my first time seeing Nick, and sweet fuck, the boy is tasty. When Leon rips Nick’s trunks off, Nick has tantalizing tan lines that make me swoon. His cock is just so fucking happy in that baby blue thong, and I think being forced to choose between him and Mickey might legitimately be one of the rings of hell.

Leon makes one erotic sculpture after another out of them. The energy is so incredibly erotic-forward. Throwing them into a heap on top of each other on the mat, Leon strokes and gropes the suffering pretty boys. “Oh my god, such a pile of sexy meat!” He’s not wrong. Absolutely everyone is crushing on everyone in this sweaty threesome. Stacked like firewood on top of each other, Nick and Mickey start making out and grinding into each other. Left to their own devices, I’m pretty sure they’d just start fucking each other with abandon. But, of course, they aren’t left to their own devices. They’re completely controlled like marionettes in Leon’s hands, dominating one at a time, and both together, continuing his villainous monologue about trying to decide which of them will be his favorite tasty treat.

The Spider Man kiss at around 11 minutes into the match is the moment that has stuck with me hardest ever since I saw it happen live in front of me. Leon has Nick suspended, belly-to-back and upside down, and he’s going to town on Nick’s very happy cock. Mickey’s on his back, flat out on the mat, having gotten his bell rung a few times too many. At Leon’s command, Mickey stretches his head upward, and he and Nick make out with Nick dangling helplessly from Leon’s clutches. And then Micky makes out with Leon. Nick makes out with Mickey’s ass. Leon makes out with Nick. Fuck, so many gorgeous bodies, cocky egos, and absolutely everyone wanting a piece of everyone else.

By the end of this 18 minute match, Leon picks his favorite twunk toy for the day. He’s a better man than I am, clearly, because my ambivalence about who I’m more infatuated with was tearing me in half. After the match was over and my filming job was done, I walked out of the room in an absolute daze, this intoxicating cloud of musk and pheromones and homoerotic wrestling drama seeping into my pores. And watching the match again, it takes me right back. Check it out if an erotic-forward three-way hotel scrap showcasing some of the sexiest wrestling sculpture on the planet is something you’d like to see.