Cage Thunder had a quick reply to my announcement that he’s one of the co-owners of my title of homoerotic wrestler of the month: “About fucking time!” Building from that endearing exchange, I managed to get the legendary heel to agree to answer some questions on the occasion of his reign.
Cage Thunder: It’s about fucking time. What’s wrong with you, anyway? You’ve figured out who my tag partner was—so you can imagine what an honor it was to be teamed with one of my wrestling idols—I can be just as big of a fan-boy as anyone! (laughs) And we definitely had chemistry in the ring…as you can tell from the video and from the stills, my dick was hard from the get go. I hope we can team up again… I’m certainly up for it, although I’m so attracted to him it’s hard for me to focus!
Bard: Consider the delay in your ascendency to the title as evidence of my lapse of judgment! So, categories often fail to fully capture the scope and depth of an artist’s work, so when I call you a “heel,” it feels awfully inadequate. How do you describe your body of work as a wrestler?
Cage Thunder: Sexual heeling (laughing)? I kind of like “lord of the ring” or “ringmaster.”
Bard: (laughing) All three of those work for me! Speaking of bodies, you always look incredible! You’ve clearly crafted a body built for destruction. For any aspiring masked heels out there, do you have any tips for physical conditioning for ring domination?
|Adding up to HOT!|
Cage Thunder: I do, don’t I? I put a lot of work into my body. But fitness is more than weight-lifting, which so many people forget. It’s also flexibility and endurance. I fucking hate doing cardio, but it’s a necessary evil. I’ve always been really flexible, so stretching is something I do pretty regularly. I have to give some credit to my genetics. I put on size really easily, and I also have a huge rib cage with a narrow pelvic bone, which results in me having a ridiculously small waist. Even at my heaviest and most out of shape, my waist size has never gone above 32-33; at my most lean I was a 28. I think I look best when I’m at a 31, frankly—smaller is too lean. I’ve wanted to get up to 200 pounds for quite some time, but was reluctant to gain weight for a very long time. Thank to some injuries and teaching myself how to cook Louisiana cuisine, I did get really heavy for a while, but am leaning down now. My muscles are a lot bigger—and my goal is to get down to about 200-205 with a 31-32 waist. Right now I’m at 212 with a 32-33.
Bard: Mmmm, numbers are hot! Whatever the calculus, it’s all adding up to one hot body! Do you have any mentors in the craft of brutal wrestling domination? What are some lessons you’ve learned from them?
Cage Thunder: Kid Leopard. The man has forgotten more about wrestling than I’ll ever know. I was already sort of a heel when I came to BGEast, but his mentoring, advice, and experience helped me develop into the wrestler I am now. There have been some amazing heels at BGEast over the years—the Brooklyn Bodywrecker; Clint Morgan; Cruz; Jose; The Enforcer; Shane McCall come to mind off the top of my head—all of whom are/were masters of the ring. I’ve learned from watching them, too. There’s nothing like watching a master heel just take some screaming muscle boy apart, is there? I’ve actually wrestled the Bodywrecker privately—that was a LOT of fun, and I learned a lot. I really enjoy wrestling other heels, frankly—there’s nothing hotter than a heel v. heel match to see who’s the bigger bad ass.
Bard: A private match with BBW?! Talk about a clash of the titans! That sounds seriously hot! I’ve got a thing for hunks who wrestle in masks. You’re a perfect case in point: you’ve got a smokin’ sexy body, but damn it all if that mask doesn’t multiple my arousal a dozen times over. Other than turning on guys like me, is there anything else behind your choice to wrestle in a mask?
|Pink Puma never stood a chance!|
Cage Thunder: I’d already been doing some wrestling as a heel, but the mask completed the package. Again, it was the Boss’ idea, and I really took to it, frankly. I’d never really given it much of a thought before—despite living in a city that’s all about masking! Now, I fucking love it. I’ve done some private matches where all I wear is the mask…and unmasking your opponent? HOT.
Bard: Hot, indeed! And speaking of heat, you’ve laid down some withering trash talk on the pages of this blog for one of my long-standing all-time favorite homoerotic wrestlers, Mitch Colby. What’s with the heat over hot, hunky Mitch? Is there a backstory there?
Cage Thunder: Listen at yourself—‘hot hunky Mitch.’ Excuse me for a second while I lose my lunch. I just flat out don’t like him—I’ve never liked guys like him; arrogant and think their looks somehow make them better than everyone else. I’d like to tie him up in the ropes and just pound on him for a few hours, you know, beat some fucking humility into the arrogant bitch—not that it would do any good. And hoist him up into a torture rack and make him scream like the bitch he is…strip his trunks off him and shove them into his mouth while I claw his pecs so his screams of agony are muffled…sleeper him until he’s almost out, then let up so I can torture him some more…I want to see how much those abs he’s so fucking proud of can handle. I bet he’d be begging me to stop within five minutes of the bell ringing. (laughs) If the stupid bitch even lasted that long…
|What did Mitch Colby ever do to earn such ire!|
Bard: Well, I for one never, ever get tired of seeing Mitch in action. I’ll continue to lobby for that match to happen! So let’s say you just climbed into the ring. You don’t know who your opponent is – never heard of him, never seen him before. He comes sprinting out of the locker room, hops the top rope inside the ring, and stands bouncing on the balls of his feet in the opposite corner from you. He’s your picture-perfect opponent. Describe him.
Cage Thunder: You know, I don’t really have a ‘type,’ per se. I’ve been accused of being a body fascist more times than I can count, but it’s not true. I like big guys, I like small guys, I like lean guys, I like bears—I like all different types, really—and at BGEast I’ve had a broad range of body types to wrestle; from little guys like Boyd Hicks and Kid Karisma to pretty muscleboys like Goldenrod (what a fucking poseur he was!) to big guys like Alexi Adamov and Drew Russell. I’ve always had a thing for classic heels, like Stan Hansen and Arn Anderson, but I also like the lean muscle studs like Kevin Von Erich and Randy Orton…. Oh! I know who—Ryan Kwanten from “True Blood.” Put him in some skimpy white trunks, white leather knee-high lace up boots, some white kneepads…oh HELL yeah. He’s my current fantasy opponent. You want to write that one up?
|Let’s get Ryan Kwanten suited up and in the ring with Cage Thunder NOW!|
Bard: I’ll get right on that, as soon as I can manage to somehow zip up my pants! The image of Ryan as a white knight staring you down across the ring is going to distract me for days! Mmm, mmm, mmm! Okay, so name names! Who’s posed the toughest challenge to you at BGE? Who’s the sexiest opponent you’ve faced? Who (other than Mitch) would you still love to get your hands on?
Cage Thunder: I would have to say the toughest challenge I’ve had at BGEast (in matches released thus far) would have to be Alexi Adamov. We didn’t do a one-on-one match; we were on opposite sides of a tag match. I’ll give him some props—he put me through the ringer; an amazing display of back torture, hold after hold after hold. When I watched the match later I was like, “damn!” He made me submit, and then we had to face each other again to open the next round, and he almost finished me off once and for all—Max came to my rescue—and while I did get in the ring with him a few more times during the match and just beat the holy hell out of him, I’ve always wondered how a singles match would turn out between us. I mean, I know I’d beat him—he doesn’t seem to ever be able to close out a match—but I think we’d have a good fight—probably would be a classic.
|Sweaty, sexy Alexi put Cage Thunder through the ringer!|
Bard: Fascinating! I’d never have guessed that Alexi would be the first name out of your mouth! He’s so damn pretty, it’s easy to forget that he’s one big, tough son of a bitch as well! What about sexiest?
Cage Thunder: All of my opponents at BGEast were sexy, no question about that. I’d say the sexiest wrestler I’ve ever been in the ring with is undoubtedly Lightning Rod. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sensuality just fucking oozes out of his pores…he’s one of those men you KNOW would be the best fuck you’ve ever had, the kind that would inspire me to all kinds of sexual depravity…I’d like to be locked in a motel room with him for a weekend. FUCK.
Bard: No argument from me there!
Cage Thunder: I also have to give props to Boyd Hicks. I don’t know what it was about him, but the minute I laid eyes on him my cock get hard, and it stayed hard all the way through the match. We had chemistry, for sure. We’re supposed to get together for a private match the next time I’m over there, and I’m really looking forward to it. Kid Karisma has one of the most gorgeous asses I’ve ever seen, and Punk Puma was a sexy boy, too. Damn, I’ve wrestled some hot guys!
|“…one of the most gorgeous asses I’ve ever seen…”|
Bard: I’ve toyed with the idea of creating a title for most gorgeous wrestling ass on the planet, which would obviously belong for all eternity to Kid K! And Pink Puma is another long, long, long-standing crush of mine. So who else would you like to face?
Cage Thunder: Let’s see, who at BGEast would I like to wrestle that I haven’t? I’ve got a thing for Jake Jenkins and Austin Cooper—they are pretty boys; maybe Lightning Rod and I could do a tag match with them on the other side of the ring. Joe Robbins. Braden Charren. I’ve always wanted to wrestle Chris Bruce. Denny Cartier—holy Christ, that one! Patrick Donovan would be fun in the ring, I think. Oh, man, how could I forget the Enforcer? A ring war to see who the real masked stud of BGEast is? Talk about Masked Mayhem! Chase LaChance has also beefed up real nice. But really, I’d be willing to take on anyone on the roster, past or present.
Bard: That doesn’t surprise me. You certainly wrestle like you’ve never met an opponent you aren’t thrilled to crush! You blogged recently about your early wrestling career in which you weren’t quite the unstoppable brutalizer that you are these days. You describe how it can feel to get seriously worked over by a dominating opponent. I quote you here, when you say, “Fuck you pussy – it feels good.” Where do you think the connection comes from between dishing out or taking punishment in the ring and getting turned on?
Cage Thunder: (laughing) As I said earlier, I’m pretty flexible, so I can be stretched a lot further than just about anyone. Usually guys are screaming out a submission long before they get stretched out as far as I can go. The great irony is that I am SO flexible that I can’t really stretch myself as far as I need to be stretched on my own; I need someone else to stretch me. So when someone, you know, puts me into a banana split or a Boston crab, it DOES feel good—the stretch feels incredible to me because I can’t stretch myself like that on my own. But that’s not really what you asked, was it? It’s really a primal, masculine thing. When you’re dominating another man, you’re proving yourself to be the better animal. And its arousing—very much so. In wrestling, your body is your weapon, and you’re proving your body is better, you’re stronger, more dominant, more masculine…how can your cock NOT get hard?
Bard: I’m the last person to have an answer to that question!
Cage Thunder: And the flip side of domination is submission, which is also arousing. Is there anything sexier than a dominant man, who can control you, of being completely at his mercy? It’s also really sexy to test your own limits, see how much you can take. My profile on Globalfight sums it up: “Beat me or prepare to be beaten.” I love being beaten, dominated…but you have to earn it; I’m not going to just roll over and let you have your way with me. Fuck that. Beat me or be beaten…and if you don’t beat me, be prepared, because I will fucking beat you down and humiliate you, you will be my bitch when I am finished with you—and I’ll decide when you’re finished. I ask for no quarter, and I give none.
Bard: Damn. Um, yeah. Damn! You’ve said it better than I’ve ever heard it said before! You consistently deliver some of the sexiest, most erotic wrestling content being produced, as far as I’m concerned. What do you think about the state of the homoerotic wrestling industry these days? Where do you see it heading in the next 10 years? Who are the rookies you see in the business who you think could have staying power over the long-haul?
Cage Thunder: I don’t really pay all that much attention to other companies, frankly. I’ve been accused of being a BGEast shill with my blog, which is bullshit. I write about BGEast matches and wrestlers because they’re the ones that turn my crank the hardest. I do buy some stuff from Rock Hard from time to time; they have some beautiful boys wrestling for them—some of them have come over to BGEast, in fact. I wish that Lucas Payne would…I’d love to get in the ring with him. He’s a sexy fuck, and he’s talented.
|Lucas Payne: “…a sexy fuck, and he’s talented.”|
Bard: Ah, Lucas Payne! Another homoerotic wrestler of the month! The idea of him bringing what he’ got and BG East doing with it what it does… wow!
Cage Thunder: I hate the companies that pretend their audience isn’t gay men. Get a grip, bitches. Straight men and women aren’t buying your goddamned product; they can watch WWE on pay-per–view or basic cable. I think it’s homophobic, frankly. BGEast is not ashamed of their audience and they say so, right up front: “gay interest wrestling videos.” I won’t give my money to a company that’s ashamed of why I’m buying their product. It’s my porn, and always has been. A match doesn’t have to wind up erotic for me to enjoy it, but if there’s a physical erotic connection with my opponent I’m not going to push him away and say, “Oh, no, I just wrestle.” I prefer my opponents be in decent shape, if for no other reason than I want the match to last a while; I don’t want to get all suited up and then have him poop out after ten minutes.
Bard: I hear you! And I completely agree about never-say-gay gay wrestling as homophobic. I’d pay a whole lot more attention to other companies if they came out of the closet!
Cage Thunder: I don’t really know about the business end of the business; but I assume as with everything, it’s taken a hit with the economy. And I know piracy is a major issue. I don’t know why these douchebags think it’s okay to steal; calling it piracy doesn’t make it hip and cool, because it’s still fucking stealing. If you came into my house and stole one of my DVD’s, how is that different from downloading it for free from some motherfucking asshole’s free site? And even if the motherfucker who put it up paid for it to begin with, you’re not buying the right to distribute it to the entire world for free. It’s theft, and it should be called what it is. The music industry put a stop to that shit.
Bard: The boys at BG East talked about this quite a bit when I visited there last year. They clearly see it is a real threat to the viability of the industry, not to mention their company. Any thoughts about where the industry is heading?
Cage Thunder: I can’t predict what the industry will be ten years from now because I can’t foresee how technology is going to change and develop. Ten years ago I would have never dreamed of digital downloads or even DVD’s, for that matter. (I do NOT miss videotape.)
Bard: Neither do I. Blue balls waiting to rewind, stop, and start to find the choice piece of action were horrible!
|Cage Thunder has respect for Z-Man|
Cage Thunder: As for what newcomers have staying power, I’d say that Austin Cooper, Kid Karisma, Jake Jenkins, and Z-Man will be stars for as long as they want to be. Z-Man gets a lot of shit—I’ve seen some really awful smack talked about him on-line, but he’s got a great body and he has talent. The stuff he’s done for BGEast has really started tapping his potential, and there’s even more there. Kid Karisma is just a stud. I really like Morgan Cruise, too—he’s impressed the hell out of me, as has Diego Diaz. And Joe Robbins—I hope he sticks around for a while. The Boss always seems to come up with amazing new talent.
Bard: I admit that I’m guilty of having given Z-Man my fair share of that shit. I’m also happy to say that I’ve completely turned the corner since he’s been working with BG East. And every one of the guys you mention are absolutely golden in my book!
Cage Thunder: And I’m not ready to hung up my trunks just yet.
Bard: (laughing) That’s fantastic news! I’m looking forward to seeing more of your potent brand of homoerotic wrestling entertainment! You’re a class act, and I’m grateful for this chance to get to know more of the man behind the mask!
|Cage Thunder hasn’t hung up his trunks just yet!|