True Beef

True Blood. If you watch it and read this blog, that’s pretty much all I have to say to instantly arouse you, isn’t it? After four and a half seasons of beefier and more beautiful, frequently naked, stunningly gorgeous men, and I’m like Pavlov’s dog. Just the initials TB make me salivate.

Joe Manganiello is sculpture!

Season 5 is working me harder than ever, with the undisputed leader of the pack of muscle hunks being big, and I mean BIG Joe Manganiello. The last couple of episodes have finally featured him shirtless and hinting at the thought of him dropping trou. Even in shadows and half-clothed, the sight of this man makes me swoon like an antebellum Southern Belle.

Joe just has to reach for hit pants and I break out into a sweat!

Big, BIG Joe’s superhuman physique has inspired two appearances in my homoerotic wrestling fiction. He crushed two opponents at once in a 3-way barnburner to start, coming out on top of werewolf also-rans Taylor Lautner and Russell Tovey, and walking away with the undisputed title of Top Dog as well as tasty morsel Russell slung over his gargantuan shoulder. He went down in a shower of shame as tag team partners with fellow TB alum, Mehcad Brooks, unable to handle the offense of Gerard Butler and Henry Cavill (with outside assistance from Sean Maguire). Joe inspires about a dozen different homoerotic wrestling fantasies in me every day, so count on seeing him again, and again, and again…

Alexander has Joe under his control. Now there’s a fantasy!

I’m going to discuss the current season now, so if you’re going to go into a tizzy because I might spoil it for you, stop reading. Enough said. You’re big boys, so let me just say that seeing Alexander Skarsgård’s character “glamour” big, hunky, shirtless Joe in this week’s episode set off all sorts of explosions in my mind (and pants). Alexander has appeared in a couple of homoerotic wrestling matches in Producer’s Ring as well, but unlike Joe, Alex has climbed his way to the top both times. If I had to guess, I’d say that these two will show up in the ring together before too long, either in opposite corners or as another tag team. I don’t know which, yet.

Ryan Kwanten looks ready to rumble.
I know I’m not alone in picturing Ryan Kwanten as a homoerotic wrestling god either. Just check Sunday’s interview with homoerotic wrestler of the month, Cage Thunder, in which he names Ryan as the one piece of meat he’d put at the front of the line to get the full Cage Thunder ring welcome!
Even Ryan can’t keep his hands off his hot, naked ass!

I’ve pictured Ryan’s sweet ass in private matches three times in my homoerotic wrestling fiction. The first time, he couldn’t control his cock when faced with the mouthwatering muscle of Jamie Bamber (and really, who could blame him?). His second match saw him fare little better, getting jacked off into a damp pool of loser-hood by the powerful thighs of Shemar Moore. But although it may take him a little while, Ryan learns his lesson and takes down a big boy when he faces Justin Bruening.

Christopher Meloni is a beast in my homoerotic wrestling imagination!
But if there’s been a sexy hunk of beef who’s haunted my homoerotic wrestling fiction more than any other, it has to be season 5 TB newbie, Christopher Meloni. Sweet god almighty, they simply had to have sewn him into the blue polo shirt he wore in this past episode. His bulging shoulders and back look like their about to split the fabric every time he moves. In TB, he’s a sadistic, power-hungry, psychologically domineering and physically dominating force of nature. In other words, he’s exactly like I picture him in the ring!
I’ve got plans for those luscious pecs!
And here’s another spoiler. His abrupt exit from the show made me throw stuff at my television. Getting staked by an ugly, skinny super villain transported me back to watching pro wrestling as a kid. I used to get so turned on by the physically dominant, gorgeous muscle boys in the ring, and then find myself provoked nearly to tears to watch the clearly physically inferior heel lie, cheat, and steal his way to crushing my muscleman hero. Classic. And as bitter as I feel about seeing big Christopher shrivel up into a pile of ashes, there’s something beautiful and nostalgic about being taken back to that place right at the root of my homoerotic wrestling kink.  Happily, Christopher lives on in my homoerotic wrestling fiction, due to make a record setting 5th appearance in the Producer’s Ring, flexing those guns and bringing the pretty boys to their knees. Damn, TB works me so hard!

2 thoughts on “True Beef

  1. Don't get HBO, haven't seen True Blood, but I've got to say, fourth image down of a submissive Joe is the hottest thing I've seen in a while!

  2. The "stare deep into my eyes" moment lasts a long time! Alexander's face grows more intense as Joe's goes slack and submissive. Damn.

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