Freshly Inked

I think it’s been a while since I mused over my infatuation with tattooed wrestlers.  It’s true that my own ink likely biases me toward my appreciation of illustrated hunks, but then again, my appreciation of illustrated hunks definitely influenced my own body art choices.  Not everyone looks good inked.  Definitely not all ink looks good, as far as I’m concerned.  But there are many tattooed wrestlers who instantly own my allegiance when the step onto the mat or into the ring, in large part because they’ve got incredibly sexy ink that I crave to see wrapped up all over their suffering opponent.
Here’s some of my choice pics from the recent crops of new release homoerotic wrestling products, featuring ink that grabs my attention and makes me pull for one hardbodied hottie over the other based in large part on the artistry they embody even before they sculpt their bodies into that most provocative aesthetic form: homoerotic wrestling.
Illustrated Eli: BG East’s Mat Hunks 9
Okay, I love me some Cameron Matthews.  His attitude, his wit, his relatively recently redefined incredibly conditioned physique, that ASS(!!!)… it’s hard not to find myself wanting to identify with the babyface brawler turned muscle daddy for a heel bid.  But fuck!  Eli Black works his magic in my shorts once again in Mat Hunks 9, solidly holding my gaze and making me acknowledge he’s my boy in this match, and I have to think it’s his ever growing collection of tattoos. 
Kevin Crowes’ crows: Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4
A relatively recent release in what I think is Can-Am’s best genre contribution to homoerotic wrestling pits epically long-time favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, Rusty Stevens, against almost painfully beautiful pretty boy, Kevin Crowes in Pro Sex Fight 4.  I have a documented record years-long that proves that there’s almost nobody to compete with Rusty Stevens in delighting, entrancing and infatuating me, starting well before he lays a finger on an opponent.  And Rusty’s got some sweet ink, albeit he could use some touch ups, if you ask me.  But Kevin Crowes’ combination of imminently fuckable classically proportioned beauty along with his bold, massive, gorgeous ink does what perhaps only one man before has been able to do: hold my attention and settle my ass securely and convincingly in the opposite corner from Rusty Stevens.
Paul Hudson’s tatted bicep makes Lon Dumont just a little less pretty.

Lon Dumont’s skin is smooth, clear and entirely absent of foreign pigment.  It’s not the art tatted onto Lon’s body that has propelled him into the top echelons of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but the incredible beauty of his competition physique paired with a smart, vicious persona and high quality pro wrestling execution.  What could make me root against my reigning favorite!?  I think it’s two things, really.  One, there’s something deeply stirring watching a whittled to an anatomy chart physique star go slack over and over in a knock outs match, and (more to the point of this post), his opponent Paul Hudson surprises me by smacking me firmly into the Hudson camp with his bulging trunks and upper arm ink.  Lon’s face slack and smashed into the black band inked across Paul’s right bicep is simply gorgeous.

Illustrated MJ rides Attila’s ass

The 3rd match in Mat Hunks 9 catches me by surprise by how compelled I am by it.  Attila Dynasty (and in particular, his ass) has long been an infatuation of mine.  But MJ Vergara is visually astonishing the moment he walks into the BG East mat room and shoves Attila stumbling ahead of him.  The mohawked muscle man is amazingly built, veins popping, muscles bulging, 25 inch waist (my guess, I haven’t measure him myself… but I’d be very happy to).  His bold, beautiful tattoo stretched across the whole of his left pec and massive deltoid and trapezius muscles is simply beautiful! Attila is such a smart ass, such a cocky, swaggering, proven-dangerous son of a bitch, of course, and there are plenty of matches in which that character is exactly the one I can’t wait to watch work up a head of sadistic steam all over his crushed opponent’s body.  Not this time, however.  Fuck, I’m all on board with compact muscle stud MJ going ape shit all over Attila’s fine, fine ass, and I’m thinking that he’s got me sucked in to identifying with his plans for bully revenge thanks in large part to that gorgeous ink that absolutely swallows up Attila whole.

Beauty and power you just have to touch.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron in BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s bonus are both in the best shape I’ve ever seen either of them, and sporting more ink than I think we’ve ever seen on either phenomenal muscle men.  All of that inked muscle wrapped around each other, squeezing, stretching, and flexing is breathtaking.  Who to root for when both stunning physique stars are in the best condition and most extensive ink ever?  It’s a toss up for me, but I’m not complaining.  There’s no way this can miss!

 Big Sexy’s big, sexy ink on display.

Less surprising is Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy owning my lustful allegiance in Battle Space 45.  If there’s a “total package” in homoerotic wrestling these days (by the way I estimate packages, at least), Big Sexy probably has the best claim.  He’s smart and funny, highly skilled on the mats, handsome as hell, beautifully built, one of the most fuckable asses on the planet, and all of that beautiful artwork!  Both an artist and a work of art, I’m entirely a Big Sexy fanatic when he steps onto the mats with the entirely tattooless muscles of a muscle star, Muscles.

Oiled ink on ridiculously hot Landon Conrad.
Naked Kombat’s newest release makes me gasp.  Even if Landon Conrad didn’t have a few, modest tats  on that insanely hot muscle bod, he’d definitely be my man in his match against amazingly hot, yet somehow unavoidably diminished in comparison, Alex Law.  However, ridiculously handsome muscle hunk Landon does, indeed, have tats that drive home the point that this porn gladiator is suddenly my #1 Naked Kombat kombatant in any match for the foreseeable future.
Specimen illustrates total domination.

Thunder’s Arena has long been the place for the battles of the big men, and Battle Space 46 is a prime example.  Looking for everything like Superman’s alternate universe arch enemy Bizzaro, bad boy and mighty meat head Vinny was never going to be my man after the tiff he dusted up around his “gay taunt” earlier in his Thunder’s career.  But then again, with beautiful, branded beef like Specimen is serving up, it wasn’t like Vinny had a chance anyway.  Beat his ass, make him cry, and give him an up-close examination of every tat, Specimen!

My final tat shout out is for another a BG East newcomer, bad ass Vic Madone.  Vic is a perfect example of the difference between still frame homoerotic wrestling images and homoerotic wrestling in action.  In still frame, this gorgeous stud is GORGEOUS!  I mean, crystal blue eyes to swim in.  A face  that should be hocking ultra-expensive men’s cologne. A lickable body that appears to be the perfect intersection of form and function.  Even with all of those very, very nice tats, I could picture still-frame Vic easily donning a tuxedo and walking a red carpet (and then climbing into a wrestling ring for a rip-n-strip extravaganza).  But when I watched his debut match on Mat Hunks 9, there was nothing “pretty” about Vic.  He mumbles non-stop, and I’d pay money for a translator, because I’m sure that incessant trash talk is sexy as shit.  But Vic is an object of my lust like Michael Imperioli is in the Sopranos.  He’s rough, mean as hell, machismo oozing out of his pours, and absolutely BRUTAL!  Personally, I’m likely to root for anyone going up against Ray Naylor simply because I’m dying to see someone seriously ride that epic ass of his.  But Vic is honestly phenomenal in this match, slowly warming me up from an initial tingling in my crotch to a full-on raging fever over the course of the first 5 minutes.  I pity anyone who faces this hot, inked hunk, but I fully expect that if anyone does, you can count on me standing right behind Vic in anticipation of him doing serious damage.

So ink seems to be adding up to my allegiance lately.  Of course, just because I’m rooting for one wrestler to win doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy being surprised, having my boy bested, watching the power I’m invested and identified with tamed and conquered.  But tattooed muscles wrapping up and locking down an outmatched opponent is a particular brand of hot for me.

Summer’s Back!

I was pulling weeds in my front yard yesterday and caught my first sighting of the season of a truly stunning specimen of a hunk jogging in front of my house shirtless.  I mean, this boy was gasp-worthy. Amazingly broad shoulders, lightly hairy and powerful pecs, defined six-pack, lean & defined quads.  Handsome face with a square jaw, short-cropped near-buzz-cut.  But as he passed me and I stared openly, the view going was more incredible than the view coming.  Incredibly gorgeous, muscled back tapering down to a narrow waist, with those hot, thin nylon running shorts slit up the side encasing incredibly powerful glutes bulging so beautifully I could’ve set my Mai Tai on top of that shelf.  As I watched the specimen for two blocks before he turned up a street, I could help but smile to myself and mutter, “Summer’s back.”  Here are a few more backs that make me sit back, admire, and imagine….
One of the most gorgeous shots of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler: Lon Dumont in Tag Team Torture 15.
Current top contender for the favorite title showing off his award winning backside: Kid Karisma in Matmen 23.
Alexi Adamov’s beautiful back muscles and bulging butt in Ring Revenge 1.
The stunningly pretty shelf of Pretty Pete Sharp from Gazebo Grapplers 14.
Paul Perris’ vintage backside beauty.
Multiple HWOTM winner Denny Cartier’s beautiful back in trouble in  Ring Revenge 1.
Chace LaChance’s stunningly built back displayed to perfection in Braden Charron’s bear hug in newly released bonus to Summer Sizzlers.
Tyrell Tomsen’s physical perfection from trapezius muscles to calves in Strip Stakes 1.
Another vintage babyface bodybuilder back belonging to Can-Am’s Jonny Olson
Cameron Matthew’s sweaty back glistens in new release Mat Hunks 9.
Brad Barnes bulges everywhere. Everywhere. As he surveys demolished Chace in Pec Bash 2
Incredibly broad wingspan on long, strong Paladin facing Stage 2 of Jonny.
Rio Garza showing off his Can-Am credentials along with his professional physique model body.

Summertime and the Livin’ Is Easy

Like fresh picked berries and crotch watching at the beach, BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s releases have become a seasonal treat for me.  I’m a little dizzy from the initial overdose I just subjected myself to, scoping out the preview pics that are part of catalog 99.1, just released.

Boyfriend jobbers Skip and Christian make me think it’s not all bad getting crushed by Morgan Cruise.

Making my eyes water the hardest are the initial shots of Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown, featuring the combo I’ve been bitching and moaning in anticipation of for years.  Skip Vance and his  real life boyfriend (and former HWOTM) Christian Taylor climb into the ring together for a 2-on-1 battle against heel-risen Morgan Cruise.  Holy shit, this looks insanely hot.  This looks like it’s heading in all the right directions, and I’m a little breathless in anticipation.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are RIPPED! 

Speaking of breathless, shocking me just a little are the preview pics of the “Bonus Match” (for ordering all of the Summer Sizzlers) featuring Braden Charron and Chace LaChance both appearing to have physically peaked for the season at precisely the same moment that they climbed into the ring together.  I may have seen Braden this ripped… possibly, but holy hell, I have never seen Chace as put together as this. Fuck. Me. Please.

Who’s Got Whom? Eli Black or Cameron Matthews? 

Mat Hunks 9 is a stand-alone compilation that delivers a pretty perfect 8-pack selection of thirst-quenching hunks such as I’m not sure I’ve seen all on one DVD before.  3-time HWOTM Eli Black looks like he’s got his hands full with former HWOTM Cameron Matthews.  This is a fascinating pairing, I think, and Cameron’s showmanship combined with Eli’s intensity seems like a formula for either disaster or perfection.  I’m voting for perfection.

Rafe Sanchez takes the ride of MY life!

And speaking of perfection, former HWOTM and former and long-running overall favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine, Mitch Colby, snaps those tanned, rock hard thighs around the smooth, sexy head of long, long running infatuation of mine (though never a HWOTM), Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmmmm… Rafe).  These two have appeared in some of the over the top sexiest wrestling I’ve ever enjoyed, so combined, I’m feeling dehydrated just thinking about it.  And I’m not even going to mention the perfection of asses featured in the other two matches on Mat Hunks 9… yet.

Hot, hard muscles turned to jelly.
I will mention that my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy) Lon Dumont is also out in a new product, Knock Outs 2 , appearing back in the day when his head was smoother than Rafe Sanchez’.  The match promises both Lon and his opponent, veteran pro Paul Hudson, get sleepered repeatedly, and the image of lovely, powerful Lon so vulnerable, out cold, is giving me hot flashes!
Mr. Joshua had better watch his back (I’ll keep an eye on his front for him)

Finally, Ring Hunks 1 (how is this only the first of that title!?) throws former overall favorite homoerotic wrestler Mr. Joshua’s massive package headlong into the dangerous machinations of former HWOTM and recent interviewee here, Aryx Quinn.  If anyone can unleash the beast, surely it’s diabolical Aryx!   Right?!  Please!?

Another who’s got whom from Summer Sizzlers: Wrestle Shack 17… my money is on Dylon Robert’s thighs.

So these releases technically fall in the month of May, but there’s no way I can assess them in time for tomorrow’s crowning of a new HWOTM, so they’re officially delayed to join the June releases.  In the mean time, pass me a protein drink.  I’m going in….

Hurricane Morgan

Morgan Cruise – 5’8″, 170 pounds – eyes on the prize
Morgan Cruise hit the ground running when he first arrived at BG East. Unfortunately for Morgan, he ran straight into a wall of competition grade granite by the name of one of my long time favorites, Lon Dumont.  One the one hand, Morgan is never subtle. Reports are that he showed up at BGE with his gaze fixed on becoming one of the greatest heels of all time.  The Boss put him in the ring with Lon Dumont who looks as though he’s a beautiful, bronze, shaved lightweight gym bunny ripe for a rising heel picking. Morgan quickly discovered in Rookie Wreckers that looks can be deceiving. Lon spent more than a decade in professional wrestling rings in independent productions, typically being a notorious badass and all around champion heel. With infinite (and incredibly sexy) patience, Lon taught Morgan just a taste of all he had yet to learn if he were ever to realize his dream of competing as a legitimate heel.
I’d give my firstborn to trade place with Morgan right here!

Regular readers will be unsurprised when I say that as delightfully as Morgan suffered, I had a majorly tough time ripping my eyes off of g-g-gorgeous Lon! Good god that man grabs me like few others! I do remember that Morgan sweat like a dirty pig (hot, hot, hot!) and showed some sweet, lustful delight in putting in a respectable power offense for just a bit of the bout. Sure, I could picture this hot, hairy kid growing up and becoming a sexy heel someday. But I get the impression that “someday” is not in the Mastodon’s vocabulary. And I had no idea that the boy with an 80’s mainstream pro wrestling muscle body was also an extremely quick study.

Morgan’s passed his heel-in-training qualifying exam all over Eli Black’s bashed body

By the time he climbed back in the ring with 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, ripped gladiator Eli Black for Gut Bash 9, Morgan had not only learned his lessons, he’d mastered them, improvised on them, and showed true genius in both beating Eli to a pulp and showing off Eli’s phenomenal physique like a savant!  Against Eli, Morgan was dominant, brutal, and provocatively sexy as hell!

Morgan is THRILLED to deliver naked backbreaking bashing all over Demian Rush!

So I altered my picture of how Morgan might fit in the homoerotic wrestling universe. Clearly, we wouldn’t have to wait around for him to grow into a sexy heel.  He’s still so young, but fuck all if there’s not an old, vicious, soul-crushing heel living in that beast of a body!  So I figured we’d see Morgan hit the muscle taming circuit for a while, perfecting his craft, playing up the eroticism of trunks-on wrestling for gay eyes. But for his next appearance, he climbed into the ring with trust-fund baby muscleboy Damien Rush (upon whom I had an instant, blinding crush), and proceeded to strip the gorgeous rookie naked and deliver a muscle pounding in the buff.

Flexing naked over his crushed opponent, Morgan is THE MAN!
Good god, man! Strip Stakes 3 transported me back over a decade, reminding me of the thrill of watching the likes of the Brooklyn Bodywrecker toy with, delight in, and ultimately get off all over another frat boy. I’m not exaggerating here. Morgan pulled out nearly all the stops and I swear, as far as I’m concerned, he joined the ranks of the seriously hot heels.  Sweating every bit as much as before, totally naked and furry all over, Morgan is about 10 times more handsome and 100 times more worship worthy once the gear is off and he sticks around to deliver extra credit punishing humiliation.

Morgan stretches Diego Diaz long, long body to it’s gorgeous limits

So it makes complete sense that he skyrocketed to his own Wrestler Spotlight last month after only 3 matches to his name. Morgan’s Spotlight is one erotic epiphany after another. He starts off manhandling the long, tall drink of water Diego Diaz who has an eye on Morgan’s championship belt. What’s he champion of? Who the fuck cares?! Diego wants to see that belt buckled around his own six-pack beauty. I LOVE the look of Diego. I love his insanely long limbs, sculpted torso, handsome face, bushy hair and sexy, deep, accented voice. When he delivers some early punishment and a first shocking submission on Morgan to grab the belt and admire himself with it in the mirror, I admit I found the drama extremely compelling. I hope for big, big things from that big, big sexy man. But seeing Morgan hammer, slam, and beat the living shit of him all over and outside the ring is a thing of profound beauty. He stretches every incredibly long inch of Diego and then serves him up for us like a mouthwatering turkey dinner. Awesome. Simply awesome.

No shit! Pec claw push-ups on rookie muscle farmboy, Tony Law.

I have no idea where Tony Law has been hiding, but I’m extremely pleased that he’s shown his big, beefy, farm boy body in the BG East ring, and even happier that he debuted his luscious muscles and rocking ass against the rolling stone of Morgan Cruise! I’ve since learned that this is not the first time Morgan and Tony have wrestled (more on that later), which may explain that frightening lack of all humanity in Morgan’s absolute destruction, obliteration even, of the blond babyface with tree trunk thighs. For Tony’s sake, I hope he knew just how vicious the Mastodon could be, because this is a marathon shit kicking session!

Morgan looks ready to orgasm, riding muscle hunk Chace like a broken bronco
And speaking of marathons, in the finale to Morgan’s Wrestler Spotlight, he and Chace LaChance version 2.0 go at it so long you’d better pack a lunch and plenty of fluids! I still think Chace needs to face Lon Dumont in the ring, because it’s my armchair opinion that the tweezed pretty boy cost the two of them a humiliating tag team defeat in Tag Team Torture 12. Perhaps Chace’s newfound prime beef is in anticipation of his date with destiny in facing bodybuilding champion Lon (I can hope!). In the mean time, Chace pulls of some impressive offense against the rising tide of Morgan’s heel aspirations. But at this point, Morgan is just unstoppable. He’s also incredibly entertaining to watch along his journey to cement himself as not only on the list of sexy heels, but climbing those rankings. When he’s got that lustful, dreamy look in his eyes, clearly huffing on the scent of humiliation dripping off of a withering opponent, he’s a true wonder!  Any bitches even dare to suggest that he needs to shave or manscape more aggressively just sit right back down. Morgan is transported directly off of nationally televised professional wrestling badassness from exactly 27 years ago today, and hairy legs, pecs, pits, and pubes are 100% Morgan Cruise sexy heel fantastic!

Master Kevin and Morgan flex off

Others already knew Morgan from before he knocked on the door in Pembroke, from his self-promotion campaign as a teen bodybuilder to be worshipped on YouTube. I’ve since also discovered that his frequent competition for teen muscle worship fanatics, Chaoserver aka Master Kevin has since teamed up with Morgan (and Damien Rush and Tony Law!) to produce some sexy west coast independent wrestling of their own. More to come on this front soon, but I get the impression that perhaps the Mastodon may need a new nickname. Something like Hurricane Morgan. Because he’s nothing short of a terrifying, unstoppable force of nature these days!

Built for bare-assed muscle destruction.


When Eli Black powered into the title of my homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his appearance last month for Rock Hard Wrestling, followed quickly by his debut match release for BG East, I decided to see if I could track him down for a follow-up interview to his barnburner verbal fencing match (or brawl) with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island. Despite his stated reluctance to grant me this interview, Eli actually seemed pretty open to the idea from the start, and let’s face it, Eli Black loves to talk about Eli Black! Since everything was going my way for this little project, I decided to press my luck and approach the boys at BG East to see if they had any cutting room floor shots of Eli’s match with Morgan Cruise. To my shocked delight, in what I think might be a first ever pre-release of shots from as yet unseen BG East matches, Kid Leopard himself sent me some exclusive, never before published photos of Eli in three yet to be released bouts, with permission to share them here! I get the impression that BG East is thrilled to have this ferociously ambitious tiger by the tail. He kept me on my toes during this interview. He makes some extremely bold predictions for his future success in homoerotic wrestling. And combined with seeing the punishment he can dish out and take, my conversation with Eli has made me that much more infatuated with this fierce, rock hard, seriously dangerous hottie!

Eli Black – ripped, roaring and ready to conquer the world!

Bard: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Eli. I read your interview with Joe over at his blog Ringside at Skull Island and I was feeling a little intimidated. Your conversation with Joe seemed to get a little testy. Are you and he still on speaking terms?

Eli: I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to take this interview, but as far as speaking terms, you’ll see if he ever writes anything bad on me again.

Bard: Well, I’m that much more grateful that you did take this interview! I just watched your debut match with BG East against big bruiser Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, Eli! Your body is ripped to shreds! What’s the secret of staying at that level of conditioning?

Eli competes in MMA as well as as his sights
set on RHW and BGE!

Eli: Ugh!! Morgan Cruise, the hamasta pussy. Let me just say first of all that whole match was bull shit! Cheap shots left and right. I can’t wait till I see him again. Oh my God I… hate!!!… losing!!!! He’s got it coming. But I work hard on my body, with various circuit work outs from speed to power to stimulate my muscle, to be primed and ready to take beatings in case I end up taking a b.s. beating like this match was. My recovery that way is rapid and gets me back in the ring ready for more, unlike the rest of the out of shape pussies who are cheap pieces of shit.

Bard: Well your fitness is incredible, and the work you’re doing in the gym is phenomenal to see in the ring! So speaking of your match with Morgan, it certainly looks to me like you’re toying with the big kid in the opening moments. He’s flat-footed, slow, and I get the impression that you could put him on his back in a split second. With your MMA background, do you find it hard not to open up a can of full-contact whoop-ass in the world of pro wrestling?

Eli: [laughing] Yeah, I definitely can’t help myself but go. Whether I’m toying with someone or in a grudge match, I’m really good at finding a weakness in my opponents. And in Morgan’s case I could kick and strike him all day long, but once he speared me, he caught me way off guard, which was unusual for me. But I’m more than positive when it’s me and him again, he’s done! But yeah, I definitely toyed with him in the beginning. I mean there’s no one out there with my skills, so why be scared?

The Mastodon drives Eli into the

Bard: I have no trouble believing that for an instant! I’ve noticed that Morgan has been calling himself “The Mastodon” in his bid to be the next big, bad heel at BG East. Other than him being hairy and, compared with you, slow, I’m not really sure his nickname really says a lot about him. Now that you’ve seen him up close, what nickname would you pick for him?

Eli: Like I said earlier, “masta pussy!” Even so, I wouldn’t even say that he’s huge! He’s not insanely strong. He’s nothing special. I am just gonna say “No Name,” because I don’t have time to waste on giving that cheap ass a nickname. Next time I see his ugly ass, I’ll make sure to cover his face up with his own underwear, with a sign on his back sayin, “Eli Black: I don’t want that!,” because of how horribly I’m going to destroy him! Other than that, his nickname is just plain stupid, and if I were his reflection in the mirror I’d laugh in his face!

Bard: I know a whole army of your fans who would line up to see you do all of that! What’s a good nickname that your fans should call you?

Eli: Hmmm, I like to think I “shutt” down my opponents, so it’s only fair to say Eli “the Shutdown” Black. What ya think about that? Amazing? Yeah, I know. I can be known as that too!

Bard: Both options sound excellent to me! So Eli “the Shutdown” Black, I hope you don’t mind if I ask another question about your body, because it’s quite a favorite topic of mine lately. With a body as amazing as yours, I can imagine it might be hard to decide, but what part of your body are you proudest of?

Eli: Hmmm, well in my other interview I did have a similar question, and since then, other than me getting even tighter and harder than before, it’s still an out of the park easy answer: my picture perfected 8-pack (sculpted by the gods themselves), and my ass that will make anyone stop and double-take more than once. And once again, I give it all to God for giving me this cement block for me to be sculpted the way I am.

Bard: Your 8-pack and your ass top my list of favorite parts of your body as well! I’m also a big fan of body art, so I love your tats. The colorful tat down your ribcage quickly caught my eye. It looks fierce, but I can’t make out what it says. Any special significance to that or any of your other tats?

Number one, the highest ranking, aka the best

Eli: Well, the one on my ribs says “primus,” meaning number one, or the highest ranking, aka the best. The one on my thigh is the outline of the best wrestling state in the world, PA. And the one behind my arm says faith, but if you look closer you’ll see behind it in red is a Chinese reading of the saying “blood, sweat, and tears,” representing what I do and believe in. And on my back, you have my Pitt panther.

Bard: Awesome art, and very cool to see how each piece speaks to your passions and strengths. I think “Primus” could easily be another excellent nickname for you. So when I mentioned to Kid Leopard at BG East that you’d agreed to do this interview, he graciously sent me some exclusive, advanced preview pics of a few matches that you’ve wrestled for BG East that have yet to be released. First, let me say that you look incredible in every shot! Second, I’m immediately drawn to the evidence that BG East gave you a second shot at evening the score with Jake Jenkins after he defeated you over at RHW. What was it like facing Jake for the second time?

In a cage, in the ring, on the mat… Eli “Primus” Black is a triple threat!

Eli: Hmm, I guess Primus would be a good one. You can take credit for that and start it for me, why don’t ya? And yeah, Kid Lep is probably one of the only straight forward wrestlers I’ve met so far. But yes, for all my fans, I got another crack at Jake, and when I say it was once again a match of the year, I left no room for disappointment. You’ll all be out your seats when you see how I do this time around! You ask anyone at BG. I fought everyone to get that rematch with li’l Jake. He tried to get out of the rematch, but like I said, only if you’re lucky! And I mean if you’re lucky enough to beat me, you’ll regret it, because I will get you again, and when you see this match when it’s released you’ll see what I do the 2nd time around.

Down to jocks, Eli is determined to exact revenge
all over Jake’s hot muscled body.
Bard: Cannot wait! The shots Kid Leopard sent look like you’re on the mats, and you start in singlets, but at some point you’re both down to jock straps. Good God, man, that’s a hot set-up!

That ass will command a double-take any day!

Eli: Yeah, he was scared to step in the ring with me again, so I said, “Hey, you have a wrestling back ground like me (just not as successful [laughing]), so let’s get on the mats. While we’re out there, I guess he thought he had a better body than me, and decided to take his singlet down, and I instantly complied by pulling mine down. I’ll wrestle naked, just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in the Greek times.

Eli’s got the noose tightening around Jake’s neck!

Bard: Pure gold, Primus! And it’s further evidence of what you’ve said about your divinely blessed ass! I cannot wait for that release! I also see that you faced off against a couple of the up-and-coming resident pretty boys of BG East. Attila Dynasty has been squeezing the will to fight out of his opponents between those surprisingly devastating legs of his. Any lasting memories of Attila that you have?

Eli’s got something in mind if Attila ever tries this again!

Eli has Attila all tied up.

Eli: Honestly that whole match is a blur, but if that little pussy Attila ever tries to put my face remotely close to his ass again, I will shove my elbow deep in it next time. Then I’ll jump in the middle of one of his matches and beat the shit out them both, and then shove whoever else was in the ring’s hand up his ass!!!!!

Bard: Personally, I’d love to see some serious shit get thrown down at BG East! First, I’ll send you $10 for elbowing Attila up the ass, and second, I’ll send you another $10 for interfering with his next match to fuck him up some more! Damn, I doubt BG East has any idea quite yet just how high you’re ready to climb!

Eli: I will say that BG East is definitely a whole different world of pro wrestling. Full of cheap ass cheaters and pussies who can only win by taking the easy way out with dirty tricks.  Rock Hard is a little more straightforward, less low blows and dirty shit, and they actually like to battle it out to be a true champion. But I’m not going to make excuses. I will overcome it all and be the champ for all wrestling, and I will go in the history books as the best, because I am the best! I train the best. I will beat the best, and I will show every one how to be the best, and what it takes to be…. Eli……… Black!!!

Bard: Hot damn, Eli! You’ve got me convinced and bursting with anticipation of seeing your master plan play out!  Your take on the differences between RHW and BGE is fascinating. I think I remember from your interview with Joe that you didn’t have a very high estimation of the scene at Rock Hard, either. Both venues have dealt you some hard knocks, but it sounds like you see the need for different strategies to accomplish your goal of conquering them both.

Eli: Yeah, Rock Hard has a bunch of two-faced snobs, but they’re not as dirty as the BG East pussies are. But yes, I will conquer it all, and I’m going to drag every one of my opponents behind me with a noose tied around their necks!

Pretty Chace LaChance does some
chiropractic work on Eli

Bard: Well, no one can say that they weren’t warned about you! I noticed there’s a shot of you wrestling Chace LaChance. I think Chace is probably the most ridiculously pretty wrestler you’ve faced. He’s talked some trash about being a boxer, but I just can’t believe a pretty face like his has ever seriously boxed. Please tell me that you left him significantly less pretty after your ring match!

Eli: No comment on him, but he was nothing that would make me think he ever boxed! Threw a punch at a pillow!!! And I would say he’s not gonna be so pretty on your scale when you see him after this match, regardless of the outcome.

Bard: I’ll take that as a promise, and again, I can’t wait to see that match! So despite having faced a whole lot of guys who did not impress you, if you had to pick one of your former opponents as a tag team partner, who would you pick?

Eli: As much as I hate to say it (and you need to understand I HATE it!), it would have to be Jake Jenkins, only because we both are similar in the way we make shit look good. We both do the work, and he’d be the only one I’d give any type of credit to.

Bard: I can’t say enthusiastically enough how I can certainly see how you and Jake make shit look good! I also have to think that the two of you would be a buzz saw through the unlucky ranks of RHW or BG East. So, you’ve been generous with squeezing this interview in, and I really appreciate it. Before I let you go, I’m wondering if you can talk a bit about what it’s like for you to have a growing group of seriously loyal fans who are tearing up the discussion boards singing your praises. You’ve made a huge impression on a lot of us fans in a pretty short time on the scene!

Eli Black makes shit look good!

Eli: I will say, and this will be the nicest thing you’ll ever here me say, that I love my fans. Believe it or not, as long as you like hardcore matches with great footage and moves and me doing what I do, I will always perform! Don’t doubt it. Keep talking me up. It makes me just wanna push harder!!!! And I have no limits!!!

Bard: That’s a challenge that I and a whole bunch of Eli “Primus” Black fans will be happy to accept! Win, lose or draw, there are a bunch of us crazy for more, and I suspect once we see that jockstrap match with Jake, you’re going to be getting more buzz than you can imagine! We’ll be happy to keep doing our part, as long as you’re keeping up your hot work and working that gorgeous ass of yours! Thanks so much for your time, and I hope we can talk again as you keep tearing up the wrestling scene!

Eli: Thank you. It was a better time than the last one. Just look forward to seeing me push harder and harder! I will never let you down.

Bard: Awesome!

The Return of the King

Young, rookie Brad Rochelle pumped and ready for business
Kid Leopard promised me this summer when I visited the BG East compound that we haven’t seen the last of legendary BG East babyface, Brad Rochelle. Like so many other homoerotic wrestling fans, I was thrilled by this news. The instant I saw Brad as the cover boy on the front page of the BG East website about 13 years ago or so I was sold.  Such a handsome face; such a gorgeous, hard body! Just that one cover image of Brad made him an instant star of countless homoerotic wrestling fantasies.  So when I actually got my hands on my first glimpse of him working all those mouth-watering muscles in the ring, he was already cemented as a homoerotic wrestling fantasy man. Watching his matches over the following years has never disappointed me. His body, like his wrestling persona, matured, which as far as I’m concerned is only good news. After a few early career victories, he was stuck deeply in the rut of jobberdom as The Boss bound his hands behind his back to be everyone’s practice dummy in The Contract series. The endless humiliation and vicious abuse of his body and spirit finally made the babyface break, and all those nasty dirty tricks and vile exploitation he’d suffered over the years came back to haunt newbie babyface after newbie babyface. About 3 years ago BG East released a tag team match that they found in their archives from Brad’s earlier work, but the last we saw of the Brad storyline was his 2006 appearance in his signature series, The Contract, enlisting a reluctant Jonny Firestorm to join him in teaching Patrick Donovan and Steven Thomas a lesson they won’t soon forget.
Then Brad seemingly disappeared. His fan group has continued to pine away, but as the years ticked by with no sight of him, even the most diehard Brad fanatics began to despair.  The Boss dropped hints in the BG East fan group from time to time, assuring everyone that Brad was still around and would someday see the light of day again, but after 5 years, longing mentions of Brad on the boards tend to spark sneering slap downs from commenters who’ve grown convinced that he’s officially retired. My report of The Boss’ promise that we’d see Brad again notwithstanding, the ranks of believers have grown thin lately. And then, like a vision from beyond the veil, The Boss posted 6 picture proofs that Brad’s days in the ring and on the mats are undeniably not over!
Brad Rochelle, still wrestling and filling out his trunks exceedingly well!

Counting myself among the Brad fanatics of this world, I had a delightful exchange with Kid Leopard this past weekend that resulted in The Boss granting me the opportunity post a few more exclusive, as-yet unseen photos from Brad’s return. These pics seen here, along with the pics from the fan groups, assure me that my erotic dreams will once again be haunted by fresh images of Brad Rochelle inspiration. Prior to this, fans have debated what time might have done to this fantasyman. While not identical to his rookie body of 13 years ago (who is!?), I’m thrilled to see that he’s stayed in shape and, if anything, is filling out his awesomely tight trunks possibly better than ever. That ass!

Brad cracks Chace LaChance across his knee.

For years, the legions of hopefuls have been speculating about who Brad ought to meet in his momentous return. More exclusive pics show further detail of Brad’s impending appearance against some of the prettiest babyfaces to arrive on the scene since last we saw Brad. Go-go boy bombshell Chace LaChance has never looked better than stretched vulnerably across Brad’s leg in a luscious over-the-knee backbreaker!

Attila Dynasty winces (and bulges) in the grasp of the veteran.

Acrobatic prettyboy Attila Dynasty gets the same treatment. Brad looks to me like he’s carving up a Thanksgiving turkey with Attila’s astonishing package bulging temptingly in Brad’s face. Both Chace and Attila are at that crucial early career pivot point. They’ve both lost humiliatingly. They’ve both most recently chalked up some very entertaining victories. Not unlike an early career Brad, they look primed to either become forces to be reckoned with in the BG East stable, or to join the ranks of epic jobbers, of which perhaps no one is more epic than Brad himself.  Brad appears to have returned to tip the scales toward jobberdom for pretty Chace and Attila!

Babyface teamwork comes back to bite Brad in the butt.

Chace and Attila, on the other hand, appear none too eager to roll over submissively and let the icon put them in their place. The lovely young bucks clearly don’t go easy on the legend.  Opponents have been torturing Brad’s beautiful back for more than a decade, and Chace and Attila look determined to bend the veteran hunk past the point of no return and cut short his much anticipated return before it really starts.

Brad is living large and in charge, flexing overtop of 2 defeated prettyboys.

I can’t attest to the sequence of the photos, but whether earlier or later in the confrontation, at some point Brad has bested both beautiful boys and stacked them like firewood on top of one another in the middle of the ring as he flexes overtop of them. Perhaps Brad proves, once again, that he’s worth more than two babyface rookies who might have visions of filling his shoes as the resident BG East babyface heart throb?

Brad’s 1-finger salute to the doubters and haters

The time away has done nothing to make Brad’s body less tantalizing, nor his attitude less contemptuous. The Boss sent me this pic of Brad flipping a middle finger to all the doubters and haters out there who tried to rewrite history with him as anything short of the headliner muscle jock that made countless fans weak at the knees. The wrestling singlet is doing wonders for me here.  Those are eye-catching bulges (the biceps, the shoulders, the pecs, the crotch…)!

Is that a floppy-haired Denny Cartier schooling veteran Brad in mat wrestling!?

Brad’s opponent on the mat appears to me to be another welcome return to BG East, namely former homoerotic wrestler of the month and babyface star of many wrestling fantasies of mine, Denny Cartier.  If it is Denny, he’s let his hair grow out, which we know is indeed a sexy, curly mop. He’s also sporting hot, hairy legs that look like they could snap Brad’s spine in half, so yep, I think it’s Denny! Brad’s got a ton of experience to draw from, but facing Denny in his bread-and-butter setting on the BG East mats seems to me like a formula for Brad to discover that even though fans may be falling over themselves to celebrate his return, there’s some merciless competition at BG East that would probably like nothing more than to send Brad back to the ranks of eternal jobbers. Come to think of it, there are probably a whole lot of those eager fans who’d like that, as well!

Cameraman Jonny Firestorm appears to make his presence known
during Brad’s much-lauded return to the ring (this photo also posted
at BG East Yahoo Group)

So what have we learned, my friends? We’ve learned that beautiful Brad Rochelle, indeed, has made a return to face some of the prettiest new faces in the ring and most dangerous mat wrestlers that BG East has to offer. We’ve also learned that Brad continues to be smokin’ hot, gorgeous as hell, and while some of his famous muscles may be a little smaller, I swear to God his ass and crotch have grown and grown finer with age. I can only imagine the story lines that take Brad on a journey into the ring with Chace LaChance, Attila Dynasty and Jonny Firestorm, and onto the mat with dangerous Denny Cartier. But another thing that we know: it isn’t just my imagination. This is no Elvis sighting. Brad is back, and I can’t wait (though it seems I’ll have to) to get to see Brad work his magic on the boys that have come along since.

Thanks Kid Leopard, for the tantalizing pics and for setting our hearts pumping in anticipation! And welcome back, Brad!

Happiness Is…

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month –
Lon Dumont
I had an instant crush on homoerotic wrestler of the month, Lon Dumont, when I saw his BG East debut in Fantasymen 32.  Lon’s cocky swagger and clear, strong voice, paired with his beautifully sculpted body and fully formed wrestling persona had me riveted before big Eddy Rey even showed up ringside.
Lon cuts big Eddy Rey down to size
When Eddy finally arrived, Lon continued to captivate me by taking the lead in the dance of establishing the plot. Eddy encouraged Lon to continue with his posing routine, but Lon refused with a snort. “People pay to see me flex,” he explains. Lon wasn’t about to just give it away for free. When Eddy proposes that perhaps he might just make Lon flex for him, Lon put his hands on his hips and tilted his head to side, thinking. When he acknowledges that Eddy is a tall drink of water and calls him, “Sprout,” I both laugh and grow even more aroused at the same time.
Eddy obediently flexes for Lon
In short order, Lon confirmed my fondest hope.  Via a blindside assault on big Eddy, Lon demonstrated with brutal grace that he has not only the body, not only the persona, but also the ring savvy and wrestling skill to deserve my firmly established fanaticism. On message like a bear trap, Lon made sweaty Eddy flex his hot muscles over and over, wringing one submission after another out of the big man. Lon was patient but firm as he physically and psychologically broke down big Eddy, systematically transforming him from an over-confident, hard-bodied hunk into a whimpering, obedient, defenseless plaything.
As documented here at neverland, each and every new release from Lon Dumont makes my heart flutter like a star-struck schoolgirl. I most appreciate his rookie wrecking work, such as beating down to size the likes of big, dumb (and presumably full of cum) Terry O’Daly and, most recently, hairy bruiser Morgan Cruise. Big, strong, barely legal studs like these are genetically predisposed and socially trained to believe that they deserve to come out on top over smaller, more mature opponents. Handsome, letterman jacket-wearing sides of beef grow up unfailingly reinforced in the faith that youth and size merit victory when they stand, flexing, side-by-side with the likes of 5’6 and 15/16″ tall, 150 pound, 30-something opponents. When Lon picks them apart like Thanksgiving turkey leftovers, you can see their rookie worldviews come crashing down around them.  As Lon cuts them down to size and then lifts his right boot, pauses as he takes aim, and then stomps all over them, tenderizing their cornfed muscles from head to toe, the likes of Terry and Morgan learn that the real world will not be handed to them on a platter just because they’re big, fit and young.

Ripped Lon and partner Chace LaChance

Versatility turns me on, as well, and my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month can tell more than one story. Teamed up with too, too tweezed go-go boy rookie Chace LaChance, Lon was also convincingly one half of pretty-in-peach, going down in two out of three to big, nasty Donnie Drake and his sadist apprentice, Doug Rand. Babyface heroes who battle valiantly but are bested by crafty shortcuts and vile double teams are beautiful to behold. When Lon is knocked out cold and laid out defenseless and vulnerable next to his pretty partner in the middle of the ring, all that gorgeous muscle so helpless and humiliated makes me gasp.

Joe’s huge thighs crushing Lon’s armored core
And speaking of gasping… when I interviewed Lon earlier this year, I asked him what it would take to be bested in a singles match. “Perhaps someone with a 100-pound weight advantage might have better luck,” he answered bluntly, “but besides that, I just don’t see it happening.” Perhaps going on the record like that gave the boys at BG East a devilish idea, because the next time we saw Lon climb into the ring, he was face-to-face… or perhaps, face to sternum… with 6’2″, 240 pound Titan, Joe Robbins. Bigger men have gone weak in the knees in the shadow of humungous Joe, but Lon is a study in self-control. Whether Lon’s prediction from my interview was playing through his mind as Joe wrapped his tree trunks around him and crushed him into sobbing agony, I don’t know. But while nearly 100-pounds of weight advantage did, indeed, blemish Lon’s undefeated 1-on-1 record, Lon proved that he’s not just entertaining when he’s large and in charge. He’s a vision, suffering for days, enduring boatloads of pain for a marathon session of gut abuse that incredibly reluctantly wrings a string of submissions out of the bodybuilder. When Lon is gasping, clutching his rips, slumped against the ring apron, his loss to Joe is just one more check in the win column when it comes to confirming my lustful devotion.
Picture perfect Lon rips Terry O’Daly’s knee off

Not everyone is turned on by what I’m turned on by, but one thing that defines this blog and my lust is wrestling. And Lon is first and foremost a sexy-ass wrestler. Just like his stomps, his masterful application of joint wrenching submission holds is brutally graceful.  The rookies that Lon excels in destroying are typically ham-handed, a little awkward as they work themselves into position to snap on a Boston crab or have to use trial-and-error to figure out the most effective angle to work a bearhug. Lon, on the other hand, slides like liquid gold into position. He knows just how far a knee will bend, just how much tension a back can take. He’s such a technician that he can afford to be an artist as well, flexing his body just right, snarling beautifully, displaying his writhing opponent gorgeously for the perfect camera angle.

Like me, Lon can’t help but marvel at the
image of his complete mastery over Morgan Cruise

It was Lon’s deeply satisfying rookie wrecking of hairy chested bruiser Morgan Cruise that earned him, at last, the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. The vision of Morgan’s Prometheus Bound performance nearly earned the rookie the reader’s choice as the rookie with the most potential. I, for one, am very, very keen to see Morgan and his cleft chin show up again to see if he can start to learn some of those lessons that Lon so patiently offered him. But as beautiful as Morgan’s destruction is, my eyes are stuck like glue on every flex, every vein rising to the surface, every angle of Lon’s body as he demonstrates his mastery of the ring and as he masters Morgan’s powerful body and so vulnerable soul.

Lon’s excellence of execution
There’s something profoundly erotic about a man who is completely self-possessed and in control of his emotions even as he administers debilitating doses of pain and suffering. This probably explains why I continue to enjoy Dexter so much (despite Michael C. Hall’s stubborn refusal to let us see his ass), and it most definitely explains, in part, why Lon captivates me so thoroughly. He’s a rational wrestler. He’s thinking as he’s applying that armbar. He contemplating the moral of the story, even as he’s threatening to rip poor Morgan’s head off of his neck. When Lon is finished with Morgan, he gives the wrecked rookie a thoughtful examination. It’s not personal. Hell, Lon even suggests that he’d be willing to entertain teaming up with beefy Morgan to continue to tutor the heel-hopeful.

Lon’s rippling abs, sculpted quads, bulding shoulders, rock hard pecs,
perfectly employed.

Lon has been working my wrestling kink like a champ from the moment his flexing image appeared on my screen. His charming interview from last February proved that Lon is a quality human being in addition to being a captivating homoerotic wrestler. He’s been at the top of my charts for a long time when it comes to my favorite homoerotic wrestlers (non-pornboys), and his destruction of Morgan Cruise’s body and dreams makes him, at long last and unquestionably, my homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Lon wrestles, flexes, and thinks his way to #1

Bard’s Pilgrim Way – Journey’s End (Part 1)

As many of you anticipated, my pilgrimage to all things BG East in Boston would not have been complete without a visit to the temple mount itself, the center of my homoerotic wrestling universe, the BG East compound outside of Boston. When I made inquiries about the possibility of paying a visit to BG East, the response was generous and welcoming. I was invited to come by and meet “the boys” and see where the genius of BG East is conjured.

Stained glass homage to wrestling over the desk of BG East Boss, Kid Leopard

Pulling into the driveway of BG East central, I was bewildered a bit by the sense that I was seeing it, simultaneously, through two different lenses. I’d never been there before. If I hadn’t known better, I’d never have picked the compound out as anything unusual in the tidy lakeside neighborhood. But at the same time, it was as if I’d been here a thousand times before. Hell, just a couple months ago I was watching muscle punk Kieran Dunne drive up this very same driveway, park his car not 10 feet from where I parked mine, and strut with his characteristic overconfidence inside to face devastatingly pretty Chace LaChance in Jobberpalooza 11. It felt a little like a homecoming to a place I’d never been before.

Keiran Dunne flexes while Chace LaChance is all business in
BG East’s Jobberpalooza 11
Greeting me at the door was the Boss himself, extending a hearty handshake and a welcoming smile as he invited me inside. Again, the experience of double-vision was disorienting. Although I’ve exchanged emails with Kid Leopard, we’d never met in person. But he was so familiar! I knew his tone of voice, his wry sense of humor, and his commanding presence. Just a couple of days earlier, I was enjoying myself watching this man shock hunky Wade Cutler, beating the living shit out of muscle jobber Wade and leaving him soaked in cum in the middle of the ring in Hunkbash 2. And then there he stood, shaking my hand and welcoming me to BG East.

Kid Leopard before his Hunkbash 2 match against Wade Cutler
“So do you want to see the place?” he asked, as if reading my mind. Having come so far, I was desperate to soak in the site of so much homoerotic wrestling inspiration. He took me through to the back of the compound, overlooking the lake… you know, that lake. The lake that Brad Rochelle sunbathed next to after his epic heel turn in Contract 6. That lake in which Troy Baker viciously attacked his big brother, Brian, in search of vengeance for Brian’s betrayal at the end of their humiliating defeat in Tag Team Torture 3.

Troy Baker gets worked over by big brother Brian in BG East Grudge Match 2.
“Over here is the gazebo,” the Boss directed my attention to a shady spot in the woods. It was empty, seeming like a random, anonymous bit of architecture set beneath the towering trees surrounding it. But I couldn’t help but picture the sweat-soaked bodies of so many Gazebo Grapplers struggling underneath that roof: perennial favorite Mitch crushing babyface beauty Alexi, relentless Jonny wringing handsome Sandro’s sweetly suffering body between the railings, the whole bevy of testosterone-fueled hunks wrestling in a ferocious round-robin in Gazebo Grapplers 4.

Kid Leopard showing me the site of Gazebo Grappling fame
And then there was the backyard, lush and green beneath the trees. Yep, that backyard. There were no wrestling mats on the lawn that day, but I swear I could see wrestle stud Denny Cartier locked across ripped rookie Attila Dynasty’s back, applying that nasty abdominal stretch and pounding the ripped muscle stud’s vulnerable core in Backyard Brawls 7. The same backyard where fearless Alexi took on lottery winners TJ Tanner, Christian Taylor, and bubble-butted Sandro back-to-back in Who’s Next?!

Sweat-soaked Alexi in complete control of the backyard in
BG East’s Who’s Next!?
And down a path through the woods, the Boss pointed out the Wrestle Shack. “It’s full of yard equipment at the moment,” he explained, but he’s planning on having the boys clean it out to tape some new matches soon. Images flashed across my vision, of Gil Barrios dragging outmuscled Jerry Connors into the Wrestle Shack to strip naked and finish off the rookie humiliation, and of Lance Jeffers’ mammoth cock bludgeoning Shon Tracey’s awestruck face.

Gil Barrios uses the Wrestle Shack rafters for leverage in punishing rookie
Jerry Connors in Backyard Brawls 7
I’m sure I said it about 3 dozen times that day, but I stumbled over my own words, thanking the Boss profusely for his hospitality. I’d thought about this pilgrimage for weeks, what I’d say, what I’d ask. I’d spent a lot of time preparing. I’d hoped to present myself as cool and savvy, worthy of initiation into the behind the scenes mysteries of an average day at BG East. But my mind was blank except for my lame, awestruck words of gratitude. The Boss briefly indulged my babbling good-naturedly, but when he suggested we continue the tour, I fell silent, and followed him back inside….

Asses Named

I heard from a couple of you playing along with this week’s Name That Ass quiz. I hope that the quiz remains entertaining and challenging for you. If nothing else, you really should take another look at this fantastic asses on this entertaining homoerotic wrestlers!
Ass #1 belongs to…
BG East’s Chace LaChance.

This hot little car thief will remain intuitively linked in my homoerotic wrestling memory to my reigning favorite  homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy division, Lon Dumont. Chace’s first appearance was as Lon’s tag team partner in their doomed outing against Donnie Drake and Doug Rand in Tag Team Torture 12. Chace showed up again against Donnie in Tag Team Torture 13, still managing to get battered and humiliated even in a 2-on-1 team up with Brent Salvo against Donnie. But in his third match, with his ass pictured here, he proves that he’s not just another pretty jobber as he demolishes Kieran Dunne in Jobberpalooza 11. There something about his club-ready perfect face that makes me dislike Chace as a reflex. I’ve known too many pristinely tanned and toned pretty boys like that who always make me feel a little inadequate, which is why I think Chace could have a big future as a jobber (so that we can enjoy watching the pretty one destroyed) or a surprisingly nasty pretty-boy heel (something that pretty has to have an evil core, doesn’t it?).  

Ass #3 belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s recent rookie muscle boy, BamBam.
A wrestler who gets the sort of review that Joe at Ringside at Skull Island gave BamBam’s debut against fellow fresh faced rookie Antonio a while back, had better have a killer body going for him, because apparently his wrestling leaves a lot to be desired (and I agree with Joe’s tastes and assessment 99.84% of the time). Fortunately for BamBam, he does indeed have that sweet round ass of his to hold our attention, even if he’s got a long way to go to sell a wrestling story. I have it on my to-do list to watch BamBam’s Mat Wars 28 session with sweaty veteran Cameron Mathews. If anyone can initiate an eager muscle stud into what it takes to deliver, surely it’s Cam.
Ass #3 belongs to…
BG East’s rookie delight, Marc Merino.
We’ve only had an opportunity to see Marc in Gear Wars 2, getting the full treatment from fellow rookie, Andee. I’ve only seen the stills from this match so far, but it looks like an extremely hot story with a very happy ending using the ring ropes to their fullest and most entertaining advantage. Marc’s ass looks extremely spankable.
Ass #4 belongs to…
Naked Kombat’s boldly named rookie, Adonis.
NK has been over-selling their rookies lately, in my opinion. Every fit lad with a pretty cock is packaged as a muscle god with a dick of death. I was, therefore, instantly skeptical of handsome young Adonis here in his one and only match, to date, debuting against Gianni Luca. Even with a creepily low BMI, Adonis still delivers highly entertaining homoerotic wrestling. With the presence and command that no rookie has a right to, Adonis serves up a heaping helping of humiliating domination that, I can’t deny, turns my crank. While his ass is certainly not the roundest or most squeezable or most spankable, it’s hard as marble and incredibly awesome to watch in action (as is the rest of him).
Ass #5 belongs to…
BG East’s Pete Reynolds.
This might be classified as a “trick question,” but by no means does personal trainer Pete here fail to meet the qualifications I set forth in this theme-set edition of Name That Ass. Despite not having wrestled for 17 and a half years, he did, indeed, apparently appear in only one homoerotic wrestling product, namely BG East’s Fantasymen 5. So he may not be the freshest meat on the table this week, but he’s perpetually and eternally a homoerotic wrestling rookie with a world class ass. His extremely brief tenure in the biz, perhaps, could be due to his misfortune in debuting against one of the classic baddies of all time, Psycho Capone. I think all rookies should take note: if you’re slated to debut against a wrestler named “psycho,” you might want to renegotiate your contract.
SP & AH posted very respectable scores this week. I will endeavor not to overcompensate for Topher’s advanced-level performance in past quizzes, and hopefully future editions of Name That… will be entertaining, challenging, and manageable.

Dude, Where’s My Car?!

As the scene materializes, we see a canary yellow tripped out sport sedan, driving into the driveway of BGE headquarters. It’s Kieran Dunne. He’s late for his match. He doesn’t really care.

Kieran is a babyface that’s always a delight to see pounded. Ever since he got the Mr. Joshua welcome to BG East in Mat Hunks 1, the juxtaposition of his adolescent-looking face with a muscleman physique has just screamed out for beating after beating. He’s developed an attitude over the years inversely proportional to his muscle tone, and every so often, the attitude is just enough to put Kieran over the top., However, I, for one, am always ready to lap up more Kieran-as-jobber.

But what’s this? Keiran’s opponent for Jobberpaloozer 11 is go-go boy rookie, Chace LaChance. Chace has been stinkin’ up the place since his recent arrival at BG East. First, he was the albatross around my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division, Lon Dumont, when Chace debuted as Lon’s tag team partner in Tag Team Torture 12. This is just me talking, now. Lon never said a bad word about Chace when I interviewed him a couple of months ago. But I just have to think that their nasty humiliation at the hands of Donnie Drake and Doug Rand came as a result of Chace’s rookie flat-footedness. I’ve been nursing an infatuation with the idea of Lon punishing the pretty-pretty boy mercilessly, to teach him a lesson for putting the first check in Lon’s loss column.

Even 2-on-1, Kieran couldn’t manage a victory against a double-teamed Donnie Drake in Tag Team Torture 13. So Kieran versus Chace is a quandry, particularly in a collection entitled Jobberpalooza. Two jobbers go head-to-head, the veteran jobber who never learns, and the green rookie jobber who’s almost too pretty to stand. This is an existential crisis in the making for me.

Turns out, Kieran brings the same narcissistic over-confidence he always does to the table. Chace, however, brings something entirely new. In addition to sporting a tanned, toned body ripped out of a go-go boy cage at smoky dance club, Chace also has some heretofore unseen moves. Who knew!?

After initially digging himself out of the hole that he finds himself in from Kieran’s dirty tricks, Chace proves decisively who the “jobber” is in this battle of the jobbers. A couple of favorite moments here include the impressive feat of Chace delightfully scissoring Keiran’s melon between his skinny legs, sliding his butt backward into the corner, and then pressing himself up, rope by rope, dragging Kieran’s carcass up with him. The image of Chace perched like that in the very same corner that Lon punished Eddie Rey with a suspended bodyscissor tweaks that fantasy of mine in a bad, bad way.

After a surprisingly nice heel-in-training clinic that Chace lays on Kieran (the yanking Keiran round by his hair and using him as a punching bag in the corner are particularly fun), my second favorite of Chace’s moves comes after all is said and done. After sleepering Keiran out for a ten count (and then some), Chace puts on his warm up gear and heads out of BG East having proven he’s no one-trick jobber-pony. He heads to his hatchback under the carport, but then stops and looks over his shoulder at Kieran’s canary yellow pride and joy. With a devilish smile across his ridiculously pretty face, Chace slides into the front seat and crows, “My car, now!” He drives off revving the engine indulgently.

All this to say that if Lon and Chace do ever meet, I still say Lon’s destined to punish the pretty one mercilessly. But happily, it might turn out to be more of a competition than I would’ve thought before I saw Jobberpalooza 11.