And the nominees are…

I’ve been anxiously anticipating the BG East “Year in Review Fan Poll,” or as it’s been nicknamed, the BG East “Besties.”  First of all, let me point out that the banner linked at the top of the BG East homepage announcing the Besties didn’t show up on my iPad.  Some software thingy or another appears to be the problem (sorry for the technical jargon). In any case, if you haven’t seen the poll yet, click here.

So much to say, but let me just offer a few little PSAs by giving you some photographic data upon which to make your judgments about a few of the Besties.  Today, let’s consider some hot bodies.  For best abs, here are the nominees and the six/eight-packs that got them in the top tier for your consideration.

kipabs
Dazzling Kip Sorrell looks like a Ken doll. He’s epically unsuccessful in the ring, but maybe he’ll come out on top when it comes to his washboard.
kipabs2
To make sure you don’t get distracted and bedazzled by his dimples, let’s take a closer look at the six-pack. Nice bulges, but little definition to the serratus. Sure, I’d do body shots off of his lower abs for days, but are these the best abs of 2014?
zmanabs
Z-Man is a perennial candidate and frequent winner of best body (and parts) in the last 2 years of Besties. He’s always in phenomenal shape, seemingly perpetually at peak fitness, which helps his hot abs pop.
zmanabs2
Z-Man is the total package, but this category is about the particular components that are his abs, so let’s zoom in here. Deep vertical separation, hot serratus, perhaps tighter around the middle than along the lower abs.
lonabs
Competitive bodybuilder Lon Dumont wins awards for his phenomenal fitness and muscle development well before he steps into a wrestling ring.
lonabs2
A close up examination of what’s Lon is packing in this category reveals canyons of separation, development of the upper abs that is borderline superhuman, and crystal cut serratus. Hot, hard, and defined as fuck.
eliabs
Eli Black has won this category the past 2 years, and it’s hard to argue with his track record or his abs (and it’s near impossible to argue with Eli without getting your ass kicked). Possibly no one is leaner or fitter, but does that add up to a 3-peat best abs?
eliabs2
Uh, wow. Simply, wow. This is an anatomy chart, with no pesky body fat at all to blur the lines of muscles, tendons, ligaments… fuck, bones even! Top to bottom even muscle development, ridged serratus, lean, lean, lean.
calabs
2014 debut Cal Bennet makes a compelling case to climb right on top of the rest of the field on the merits of his outrageously hotly muscled gut.
calabs2
Cal takes so much shit from fans distracted by his ink, so let’s try to zoom in a little and inspect the goods up close. Solid definition, beautifully shaped abs stretching horizontally in sharp relief from the rest of his torso. Very little serratus development and/or not disguised by the ribcage tats.

To say I’m partial to a particular set of abs in this slate is an understatement. Lon Dumont makes me dizzy the moment he crunches his serratus.  For fitness, definition, balance, muscle mass, and sheer beauty, I’m in Lon’s camp every time.  I’m guessing both Eli and Z-Man will make strong showings based on the size of their extremely fanatical fan bases.  And like I’ve said, they both have totally legitimate claims to the title, even though I think their fan following sometimes has to do less with their abs than other assets. I’d say Cal Bennett is the dark horse who could completely upend this category, though.  His fan base is, as yet, untested. Detractors of his have been vocal about the ink, but sometimes the naysayers are just louder, not more numerous.  I’ve gone on the record as being ready to cover Cal in honey and lick him clean, so I wouldn’t exactly feel blindsided by a Cal upset. But if you lined these five sets of abs up in front of me and handed me that bottle of honey, my tongue is going to be all over every inch of Lon Dumont’s steel wall of beauty each and every time.  Who are you voting for?  You’ve got until Sunday, February 8 at midnight.

Freshly Inked

I think it’s been a while since I mused over my infatuation with tattooed wrestlers.  It’s true that my own ink likely biases me toward my appreciation of illustrated hunks, but then again, my appreciation of illustrated hunks definitely influenced my own body art choices.  Not everyone looks good inked.  Definitely not all ink looks good, as far as I’m concerned.  But there are many tattooed wrestlers who instantly own my allegiance when the step onto the mat or into the ring, in large part because they’ve got incredibly sexy ink that I crave to see wrapped up all over their suffering opponent.
Here’s some of my choice pics from the recent crops of new release homoerotic wrestling products, featuring ink that grabs my attention and makes me pull for one hardbodied hottie over the other based in large part on the artistry they embody even before they sculpt their bodies into that most provocative aesthetic form: homoerotic wrestling.
Illustrated Eli: BG East’s Mat Hunks 9
Okay, I love me some Cameron Matthews.  His attitude, his wit, his relatively recently redefined incredibly conditioned physique, that ASS(!!!)… it’s hard not to find myself wanting to identify with the babyface brawler turned muscle daddy for a heel bid.  But fuck!  Eli Black works his magic in my shorts once again in Mat Hunks 9, solidly holding my gaze and making me acknowledge he’s my boy in this match, and I have to think it’s his ever growing collection of tattoos. 
Kevin Crowes’ crows: Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4
A relatively recent release in what I think is Can-Am’s best genre contribution to homoerotic wrestling pits epically long-time favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, Rusty Stevens, against almost painfully beautiful pretty boy, Kevin Crowes in Pro Sex Fight 4.  I have a documented record years-long that proves that there’s almost nobody to compete with Rusty Stevens in delighting, entrancing and infatuating me, starting well before he lays a finger on an opponent.  And Rusty’s got some sweet ink, albeit he could use some touch ups, if you ask me.  But Kevin Crowes’ combination of imminently fuckable classically proportioned beauty along with his bold, massive, gorgeous ink does what perhaps only one man before has been able to do: hold my attention and settle my ass securely and convincingly in the opposite corner from Rusty Stevens.
Paul Hudson’s tatted bicep makes Lon Dumont just a little less pretty.

Lon Dumont’s skin is smooth, clear and entirely absent of foreign pigment.  It’s not the art tatted onto Lon’s body that has propelled him into the top echelons of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but the incredible beauty of his competition physique paired with a smart, vicious persona and high quality pro wrestling execution.  What could make me root against my reigning favorite!?  I think it’s two things, really.  One, there’s something deeply stirring watching a whittled to an anatomy chart physique star go slack over and over in a knock outs match, and (more to the point of this post), his opponent Paul Hudson surprises me by smacking me firmly into the Hudson camp with his bulging trunks and upper arm ink.  Lon’s face slack and smashed into the black band inked across Paul’s right bicep is simply gorgeous.

Illustrated MJ rides Attila’s ass

The 3rd match in Mat Hunks 9 catches me by surprise by how compelled I am by it.  Attila Dynasty (and in particular, his ass) has long been an infatuation of mine.  But MJ Vergara is visually astonishing the moment he walks into the BG East mat room and shoves Attila stumbling ahead of him.  The mohawked muscle man is amazingly built, veins popping, muscles bulging, 25 inch waist (my guess, I haven’t measure him myself… but I’d be very happy to).  His bold, beautiful tattoo stretched across the whole of his left pec and massive deltoid and trapezius muscles is simply beautiful! Attila is such a smart ass, such a cocky, swaggering, proven-dangerous son of a bitch, of course, and there are plenty of matches in which that character is exactly the one I can’t wait to watch work up a head of sadistic steam all over his crushed opponent’s body.  Not this time, however.  Fuck, I’m all on board with compact muscle stud MJ going ape shit all over Attila’s fine, fine ass, and I’m thinking that he’s got me sucked in to identifying with his plans for bully revenge thanks in large part to that gorgeous ink that absolutely swallows up Attila whole.

Beauty and power you just have to touch.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron in BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s bonus are both in the best shape I’ve ever seen either of them, and sporting more ink than I think we’ve ever seen on either phenomenal muscle men.  All of that inked muscle wrapped around each other, squeezing, stretching, and flexing is breathtaking.  Who to root for when both stunning physique stars are in the best condition and most extensive ink ever?  It’s a toss up for me, but I’m not complaining.  There’s no way this can miss!

 Big Sexy’s big, sexy ink on display.

Less surprising is Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy owning my lustful allegiance in Battle Space 45.  If there’s a “total package” in homoerotic wrestling these days (by the way I estimate packages, at least), Big Sexy probably has the best claim.  He’s smart and funny, highly skilled on the mats, handsome as hell, beautifully built, one of the most fuckable asses on the planet, and all of that beautiful artwork!  Both an artist and a work of art, I’m entirely a Big Sexy fanatic when he steps onto the mats with the entirely tattooless muscles of a muscle star, Muscles.

Oiled ink on ridiculously hot Landon Conrad.
Naked Kombat’s newest release makes me gasp.  Even if Landon Conrad didn’t have a few, modest tats  on that insanely hot muscle bod, he’d definitely be my man in his match against amazingly hot, yet somehow unavoidably diminished in comparison, Alex Law.  However, ridiculously handsome muscle hunk Landon does, indeed, have tats that drive home the point that this porn gladiator is suddenly my #1 Naked Kombat kombatant in any match for the foreseeable future.
Specimen illustrates total domination.

Thunder’s Arena has long been the place for the battles of the big men, and Battle Space 46 is a prime example.  Looking for everything like Superman’s alternate universe arch enemy Bizzaro, bad boy and mighty meat head Vinny was never going to be my man after the tiff he dusted up around his “gay taunt” earlier in his Thunder’s career.  But then again, with beautiful, branded beef like Specimen is serving up, it wasn’t like Vinny had a chance anyway.  Beat his ass, make him cry, and give him an up-close examination of every tat, Specimen!

My final tat shout out is for another a BG East newcomer, bad ass Vic Madone.  Vic is a perfect example of the difference between still frame homoerotic wrestling images and homoerotic wrestling in action.  In still frame, this gorgeous stud is GORGEOUS!  I mean, crystal blue eyes to swim in.  A face  that should be hocking ultra-expensive men’s cologne. A lickable body that appears to be the perfect intersection of form and function.  Even with all of those very, very nice tats, I could picture still-frame Vic easily donning a tuxedo and walking a red carpet (and then climbing into a wrestling ring for a rip-n-strip extravaganza).  But when I watched his debut match on Mat Hunks 9, there was nothing “pretty” about Vic.  He mumbles non-stop, and I’d pay money for a translator, because I’m sure that incessant trash talk is sexy as shit.  But Vic is an object of my lust like Michael Imperioli is in the Sopranos.  He’s rough, mean as hell, machismo oozing out of his pours, and absolutely BRUTAL!  Personally, I’m likely to root for anyone going up against Ray Naylor simply because I’m dying to see someone seriously ride that epic ass of his.  But Vic is honestly phenomenal in this match, slowly warming me up from an initial tingling in my crotch to a full-on raging fever over the course of the first 5 minutes.  I pity anyone who faces this hot, inked hunk, but I fully expect that if anyone does, you can count on me standing right behind Vic in anticipation of him doing serious damage.

So ink seems to be adding up to my allegiance lately.  Of course, just because I’m rooting for one wrestler to win doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy being surprised, having my boy bested, watching the power I’m invested and identified with tamed and conquered.  But tattooed muscles wrapping up and locking down an outmatched opponent is a particular brand of hot for me.

Summer’s Back!

I was pulling weeds in my front yard yesterday and caught my first sighting of the season of a truly stunning specimen of a hunk jogging in front of my house shirtless.  I mean, this boy was gasp-worthy. Amazingly broad shoulders, lightly hairy and powerful pecs, defined six-pack, lean & defined quads.  Handsome face with a square jaw, short-cropped near-buzz-cut.  But as he passed me and I stared openly, the view going was more incredible than the view coming.  Incredibly gorgeous, muscled back tapering down to a narrow waist, with those hot, thin nylon running shorts slit up the side encasing incredibly powerful glutes bulging so beautifully I could’ve set my Mai Tai on top of that shelf.  As I watched the specimen for two blocks before he turned up a street, I could help but smile to myself and mutter, “Summer’s back.”  Here are a few more backs that make me sit back, admire, and imagine….
One of the most gorgeous shots of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler: Lon Dumont in Tag Team Torture 15.
Current top contender for the favorite title showing off his award winning backside: Kid Karisma in Matmen 23.
Alexi Adamov’s beautiful back muscles and bulging butt in Ring Revenge 1.
The stunningly pretty shelf of Pretty Pete Sharp from Gazebo Grapplers 14.
Paul Perris’ vintage backside beauty.
Multiple HWOTM winner Denny Cartier’s beautiful back in trouble in  Ring Revenge 1.
Chace LaChance’s stunningly built back displayed to perfection in Braden Charron’s bear hug in newly released bonus to Summer Sizzlers.
Tyrell Tomsen’s physical perfection from trapezius muscles to calves in Strip Stakes 1.
Another vintage babyface bodybuilder back belonging to Can-Am’s Jonny Olson
Cameron Matthew’s sweaty back glistens in new release Mat Hunks 9.
Brad Barnes bulges everywhere. Everywhere. As he surveys demolished Chace in Pec Bash 2
Incredibly broad wingspan on long, strong Paladin facing Stage 2 of Jonny.
Rio Garza showing off his Can-Am credentials along with his professional physique model body.

Summertime and the Livin’ Is Easy

Like fresh picked berries and crotch watching at the beach, BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s releases have become a seasonal treat for me.  I’m a little dizzy from the initial overdose I just subjected myself to, scoping out the preview pics that are part of catalog 99.1, just released.

Boyfriend jobbers Skip and Christian make me think it’s not all bad getting crushed by Morgan Cruise.

Making my eyes water the hardest are the initial shots of Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown, featuring the combo I’ve been bitching and moaning in anticipation of for years.  Skip Vance and his  real life boyfriend (and former HWOTM) Christian Taylor climb into the ring together for a 2-on-1 battle against heel-risen Morgan Cruise.  Holy shit, this looks insanely hot.  This looks like it’s heading in all the right directions, and I’m a little breathless in anticipation.

Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are RIPPED! 

Speaking of breathless, shocking me just a little are the preview pics of the “Bonus Match” (for ordering all of the Summer Sizzlers) featuring Braden Charron and Chace LaChance both appearing to have physically peaked for the season at precisely the same moment that they climbed into the ring together.  I may have seen Braden this ripped… possibly, but holy hell, I have never seen Chace as put together as this. Fuck. Me. Please.

Who’s Got Whom? Eli Black or Cameron Matthews? 

Mat Hunks 9 is a stand-alone compilation that delivers a pretty perfect 8-pack selection of thirst-quenching hunks such as I’m not sure I’ve seen all on one DVD before.  3-time HWOTM Eli Black looks like he’s got his hands full with former HWOTM Cameron Matthews.  This is a fascinating pairing, I think, and Cameron’s showmanship combined with Eli’s intensity seems like a formula for either disaster or perfection.  I’m voting for perfection.

Rafe Sanchez takes the ride of MY life!

And speaking of perfection, former HWOTM and former and long-running overall favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine, Mitch Colby, snaps those tanned, rock hard thighs around the smooth, sexy head of long, long running infatuation of mine (though never a HWOTM), Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmmmm… Rafe).  These two have appeared in some of the over the top sexiest wrestling I’ve ever enjoyed, so combined, I’m feeling dehydrated just thinking about it.  And I’m not even going to mention the perfection of asses featured in the other two matches on Mat Hunks 9… yet.

Hot, hard muscles turned to jelly.
I will mention that my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy) Lon Dumont is also out in a new product, Knock Outs 2 , appearing back in the day when his head was smoother than Rafe Sanchez’.  The match promises both Lon and his opponent, veteran pro Paul Hudson, get sleepered repeatedly, and the image of lovely, powerful Lon so vulnerable, out cold, is giving me hot flashes!
Mr. Joshua had better watch his back (I’ll keep an eye on his front for him)

Finally, Ring Hunks 1 (how is this only the first of that title!?) throws former overall favorite homoerotic wrestler Mr. Joshua’s massive package headlong into the dangerous machinations of former HWOTM and recent interviewee here, Aryx Quinn.  If anyone can unleash the beast, surely it’s diabolical Aryx!   Right?!  Please!?

Another who’s got whom from Summer Sizzlers: Wrestle Shack 17… my money is on Dylon Robert’s thighs.

So these releases technically fall in the month of May, but there’s no way I can assess them in time for tomorrow’s crowning of a new HWOTM, so they’re officially delayed to join the June releases.  In the mean time, pass me a protein drink.  I’m going in….

Get Well Soon

My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, has been guaranteed entertainment for me from the first moment I saw him strike a mouthwatering side chest pose in the BG East wrestling ring before setting the standard for forced-to-flex matches. When I scored neverland’s first wrestler interview with Lon 2 years ago, my infatuation with this polished pro wrestler-turned competitive bodybuilder-turned homoerotic wrestling star merely intensified. I discovered that Lon is an incredibly thoughtful, even philosophical man with strong opinions about masculinities, being an object of lust, and the timeless lessons of Rocky. When Lon also revealed his compassion and passion for rescuing/being rescued by shelter animals, I was pretty much done for. The only question left was whether this is the sexiest, or just one of the sexiest hunks haunting my wrestling fantasies. At the moment, this beautiful baritone body beautiful bad ass is firmly in the “sexiest” category.

Sadly, Lon recently had emergency minor surgery when his appendix flared up. Of course, even minor surgery feels major when it’s your rockhard abs that are getting sliced into. This unwelcome intrusion into his health equation comes at a particularly inopportune time, namely as he’s starting to zero in on some bodybuilding competitions this spring. Word is that Lon is on strict doctor’s orders to avoid strenuous exercise (particularly anything requiring he crunch his washboard abs) for another 3 weeks or so.

If it were me, I’d be kicking my feet up, sucking down comfort food, and happily leaving my abdominal muscles fallow, enjoying the excuse to skip a few weeks of tending to the more apparent health of my body while my insides heal. I’ve never been one to seriously enjoy working out. I do it, and I feel better physically and self-esteem-wise for it. However, it’s something that always requires being put on my to-do list, rather than something that I look forward to. I get the impression, however, that Lon is a different beast altogether. He seems to have his physical conditioning (all aspects, including working out, psyching up, and dieting down) down to a near-exact science. He whittles down every spare fat cell to oblivion through a systematic and, it appears to me at least, obsessive infatuation with carving up his body like a master builder. Handing over that masterpiece to a surgeon to, more literally, carve open and sew back up again, seems like quite the exercise in giving up control for a physique artist like lovely Lon.

Personally, I’d like to offer my help in nursing Lon back to health, including any assistance he might need in bathing, dressing, and undressing. I can’t imagine that his surgeon should have any objection to a full-body, well-oiled massage, as long as I steer clear of his lower abdomen. While I wait by the phone for his call to take me up on my offer, perhaps you’d like to pass along your get-well wishes (and any additional offers of home health aid). I know that he periodically checks in here at neverland to stay abreast of what his number one fan (that’s me, and don’t you forget it!) is musing about when it comes to Lon’s most natural habitat of all – the homoerotic wrestling ring. So if you aren’t already directly in contact with Lon (and I, for one, am always ready to be in direct contact with Lon… particularly in contact with is pecs), drop him a get-well note in the comments below.

Sincerely, get well soon, Lon. And let me know if I can be of any “assistance.”

Telling Stories

Regular readers know my tastes.  I’m not coy about being being particularly turned on by action in a wrestling ring, guys with tattoos, muscular asses, shaved heads, hair pulling, erotic tag teams, over-the-knee backbreakers, trapped in the ropes muscle torture, ego-bashing trash talk, overcoming long odds, and story telling (just to name a few of my favorite things).  If I absolutely had to give up all but one of those things, I think I’d have to hang out to the bitter end for my lustful desire for a well-told story.  I’m a drama/melodrama junkie, and wedded with homoerotic wrestling, a compelling story with 3 dimensional characters, a story arc, a climax and a sexually dominating denouement is powerfully satisfying for me.  Thus my delight in homoerotic wrestling fiction (writing it, but especially reading that of others).   I’ve also lately been particularly titillated to learn that some of the juiciest morsels from the pages of this blog and my fondest homoerotic wrestling matches have also begun blogging.

Monaco on the mats.

Ben Monaco is the latest wrestler that I know of who’s started documenting his journey into on camera homoerotic wrestling with his blog, Monaco Off the Mats.  His first post is text-intensive, meaning I’m already powerfully aroused, as Ben describes this new chapter in his life in which a chance encounter on Grindr led inevitably down the path toward Ben’s metamorphosis into a rising star in the homoerotic wrestling business.

Most recently, Ben got his hands (and tongue) all over massive rookie Alain LeClair in Mat Scraps 2.

Check out Ben’s story and encourage him to keep up the narrative, because I’m going to blow an artery if I don’t get to read subsequent chapters of his journey.  He’s also offered to answer questions, and I know I for one have been cataloging new ones to ask ever since he granted me an interview soon after his debut for BG East.  I find that blogging is work, my friends, and a healthy dose of positive reinforcement is essential to enduring lapses in motivation to keep going, so get on Monaco Off the Mats and tell Ben you want to know what happens next!

That Ginger Guy!

My recently slapped down top contender and long-time title holder of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (and BG East’s 2012 winner for Best Butt) Kid Karisma, has a blog that he updates irregularly, but delightfully when he does.  That Ginger Guy! (perfectly named, to match his physical perfection), hasn’t been updated in a few months, sadly.  Personally, I’m dying to know if he lost the ginger whiskers once No Shave November was over (’cause I’m saying right now I’d like to see those full blown whiskers in the ring!).  And who’s with me in harboring a crazy lust to watch the karismatic one crush objects between those rugby-built quads?  And I’m still hoping to see some incriminating post-party, slack jawed, drooling evidence of what homoerotic wrestling’s most infamous party boy looks like in the back seat on the way home.  We know that Kid K will dish, god bless him, and I can’t think of a better theme for That Ginger Guy! than a much needed gossip rag for the homoerotic wrestling industry.  Pass the word along and let’s get Kid K back at the keyboard.

Cameron Mathews sells the goods.

Cameron Mathews launched his personal/professional wrestling website last summer, and he’s done a decent job of keeping the material fresh and liberally laced with beefcake.  He tends to be a man of relatively few words, but they’re typically well-chosen and paired with some sweet video and stills, CameronWrestler.com offers some inspiring insights into the hardest working homoerotic wrestler on the scene.  He’s also periodically selling Cameron-memorabilia for his army of fans to purchase, like his current sale on liberally sweat-stained trunks (it’s never too early to start Christmas shopping for Bard, friends).  Most provocatively, I think, is Cam’s offer to tape custom wrestling matches, and there are a boatload of testimonials bearing evidence that his Pro vs. Joe private bookings leave his fans supremely satisfied.

What naughty thoughts is Aryx thinking now?

My most recent interviewee, Aryx Quinn, has more of Twitter presence than anything else on the internet, but he does have a website that’s been promising a new, expanded source for all things Aryx for quite a while.  I hope that those of you populating the Twittersphere will start bombarding @TristanBaldwin with pleas for more Aryx Quinn wrestling access.

Drake Marcos knows drama.

For months I’ve been encouraging ambitious rookie Drake Marcos to start blogging about his journey into the hearts and lusts of homoerotic wrestling fans (and a particular homoerotic wrestling producer who’s clearly taken a shine to the eager baby face beauty).  Drake keeps promising me it’s on his to-do list.

Talk about a story to tell!

And then there are plenty more homoerotic wrestlers I think ought to blog.  I know for a fact Kid Leopard is online at least 25 hours out of every day.  Can you imagine some free association narrative from the man who’s gone from down and dirty heel to heading his own international wrestling empire?!

Tease no more, Kid Vicious!

And please, people, if you know Kid Vicious, tell him he’s GOT TO either give me that interview he’s been teasing me with for (I kid you not) at least 8 months, or launch a Kid Vicious blog to let us get a glimpse of the dark recesses of his fantastically homoerotically kinked wrestling mind.

Do you need a kidney, Lon!?

I’d sell a kidney for more access to Lon Dumont, as well.  Pro wrestler turned competitive bodybuilder turned homoerotic wrestler!?  That’s worth a made for TV movie at the barest minimum, and much more obviously deserves some custom-made Lon served up for some voracious fans (line starts directly behind ME!).

Clearly Brad Rochelle knows his way around a keyboard.

Yes, I love a story told well.  And I’m sure that there are other wrestlers we could think of that we’d like to hear much, much more from.  Then again, I’m sure not every homoerotic wrestler fancies clicking away at a keyboard, but I’m equally certain (and I have documentation to prove it) that there are more than a few wrestling fantasymen adept and accomplished in crafting the English language into compelling and erotically satisfying narrative.  I’m typically a half a decade behind the times, but I’m hoping against hope that more web presence and online drama is where the hot world of homoerotic wrestling is heading!

Crowning a New Champion

Lon Dumont: my instant infatuation

The first glimpse I ever had of Lon Dumont piqued my interest.  He was handsome and lean with beautiful muscles and a strikingly hot shaved head.  Sprinkle some salt in the crevices between his six-pack abs, stick a slice of lime in that mouth, and I’ll bring the tequila!  But while Lon was undeniably attractive in still frame, when I saw him wrestle Eddy Rey in what I still think is the sexiest forced-to-flex match I’ve yet seen, I was completely captured.  The swagger, the strut, the cocky trash talk… before Eddy even hoists his long muscle bod over the top rope to climb in, Lon already had me completely entranced.  Then that body and that attitude providing the platform for a completely self-possessed, high quality pro wrestling beatdown sold me lock, stock and barrel.  It didn’t take long for him to slide his hot ass into the top ranks of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers.

Lon is all smiles and good natured respect before a match
Lon was a finalist for votes in BG East’s Top Heel of 2012, but honestly, I think he’s hard to pigeonhole.  He typically starts out a match on an optimistic note.  He’s usually the first to show some respect for an opponent.  Out of the starting gate, Lon is more self-assured, good-natured, and witty than vicious, snarling or hell-bent on humiliation.  But then poke him a bit, as opponents always do, and you’ll get a rise out of him.  He’ll go from 0 to 60 in a split second.  It’s common to hear Lon muse wistfully, “It didn’t have to be this way,” in brief pauses between pounding the shit out of a dazed and confused opponent.  I get the impression Lon would enjoy it if his wrestling matches were gentlemanly contests of strength, skill and stamina between mutually respectful athletes.  Is this the mindset of a heel?  I’m not sure.  Then again, once he’s been provoked, once yet another cocky hunk has miscalculated the incredibly lean, aesthetically gorgeous physique star, the depth of his snarling, punishing cruelty is an astonishing thing to watch.  Thus provoked, the brutality stretching from corner to corner, trapped in the ropes, hair pulled, contempt raining down as Lon isn’t satisfied with literal victory, but insists on delivering complete humiliation and ego crushing psychological domination, certainly has the strong whiff of a highly accomplished heel.
Big Joe shows no respect
In Lon’s terribly mismatched ring battle with giant Joe Robbins in Gut Bash 8, he invited the massive side of beef in the ring with him to compare physiques.  As with most masses of muscle who climb into the wrestling ring, Joe is looking at different criteria in his side-by-side comparison.  Aesthetically, considering proportion, definition, overall conditioning, and the balance of leanness with muscle mass, Lon my be 95 pounds lighter and over half a foot shorter, but he’s head and shoulders above big Joe.  Lon gently insists on respect from the big man (which, of course, he doesn’t get) on every comparison of body part by body part until they get to flexing their quads.  Lon is the first to acknowledge that big Joe simply has him beat in that department.  Honestly, one of Joe’s upper thighs is about as thick as Lon’s waist (which says wonders about both bodies), but Lon puts it right out there that he’s got major work to do to get his legs in as mind-boggling a shape as his diamond carved abs.  Big Joe doesn’t give a flying fuck about Lon’s bodybuilding trophies and near approximation of perfect physical conditioning. The 240 pounder beats the living daylights out of my long time wrestler crush, determined to prove the point that his own undeniably strong, less defined abs are more “useful” than the living anatomy chart next to him.  I’m unconvinced that he proved that point, rather than establishing the fact that a 7 inch height advantage and a 95 pound weight advantage is hard to beat.  For my tastes, Lon takes the mugging like the champ he is, as exquisite in dining on suffering as he is on dishing it out.  But I’ll admit that my long-time infatuation with him strongly influences my interpretation of events.
Lon keeps improving on perfection

Lon has since been superseded in the ranks of my favorites by ass-tastic party boy Kid Karisma, but that’s hardly the extent of the changes.  As Hair Stakes illustrates, Lon is nothing short of shaggy these days, coming an incredibly long way from his former shaved scalp.  And of course Ethan Andrews is a mop head as well, establishing the highly entertaining premise of this match: loser loses his locks.  There’s been a good deal of armchair hairstyling from Lon fans, debating which “do” he rocks the best. Me, I’d sell my firstborn to get my hands all over him at any phase of his follicle development, though I have to admit I’ve got a big, roaring hard spot for watching Ethan wrap his fingers in Lon’s curls and drag him screaming across the ring.

Lon’s got a new hairdo and brand new bulging quads!

But holy hell, let’s not allow the title and explicit story of this match to distract us from the rest of what’s developed about Lon since I first fell in lust with him in Fantasymen 32.  He’s been through about 2 and a half competitive bodybuilding seasons since then, and his already worship-worthy body has come a long way.  Most provocatively for this viewer, Lon’s legs are phenomenal!

Hair Stakes, definitely… but look at those upper legs!

He’s certainly not going to get any more respect from big Joe Robbins, I’m sure, but a casual observer (or a rabid Lon Dumont fanatic, like me), has got to admit he’s packed on muscle mass while maintaining that insane, lean conditioning.  I think it helps that he’s not wearing knee pads, so we can see the mountainous heads on those lower quads (note to Lon: don’t wear knee pads).  But no one in their right mind can argue with the fact that like his hair, his legs have come a long, long way.

Lon takes the situation firmly in hand.

Having obsessed about his phenomenal body yet again, let me also repeat that Lon’s mouth continues to be one of the sexiest assets this stud brings with him in an already deep, deep arsenal of sexy assets.  Ethan is also a notorious trash talker.  His bread and butter at Rock Hard Wrestling is taking pretty muscle boys by surprise and destroying them in body while crushing them in mind and soul with his razor sharp tongue.  And perhaps that was his game plan when he climbed into the ring with Lon: one more muscle head to be taken for granted by only to out hustle with experience and dirty tricks along the way to watching them whither underneath an endless onslaught of ego bursting trash talk.  Verbally, the offense is Ethan’s from the start, because you know, Lon would have been just as happy to settle this like gentlemen.  Ethan is many things, but I can’t imagine he gets called a gentlemen often at all, at least not by his opponents.  He tells Lon he looks like a lesbian, which gets a slight chuckle and an eye roll from the bodybuilder.  Ethan drips condescension as he suggests Lon looks like a cancer patient in a bad wig.  Lon sneers and throws in another eye roll at both bad taste and poor humor.  But when Ethan suggests that Lon has crows feet, and that he’s probably getting too old to stay in the high impact game, Lon’s foot puts the pedal to the metal.  Note to future opponents: Lon does NOT like being mistaken for someone older than he is (how old is he?!).

Ethan is a master at serving up a dish of battered muscleboy most appealingly.

At the top of Ethan’s assets in homoerotic wrestling is his uncanny ability to not only make a pretty muscle boy suffer, but to display him so seductively.  When on offense in Hair Stakes, this match is no exception for him. He squeezes and stretches Lon’s bodybuilding competition-ready physique mouthwateringly.  He’s savvy and vicious and tenacious like a terrier (which is incredibly hot to me), and he sprinkles in verbal domination and slowly humiliating corporal punishment into this incredibly (and hilariously) sexy battle in which long hair is used by both battlers in delightfully creative, agonizing ways.

Lon’s lovely hamstrings and perfectly positioned ass!

With the extensive experience of both of these wrestlers, it should come as no surprise that the pace is relentless.  There’s little time spent jockeying for who’s on top because both boys are decisive and expert at applying holds.  It’s a chess match.  Move and counter, advantage secured then lost.

Lon’s curls bounce as he locks on a game changer.

But like so many smart ass hunks before him, Ethan can’t quite keep up with Lon’s barrage of trash talk or his mastery of the ring.  Lon subdues the scrapper by shutting his mouth for good, putting him out cold and displaying almost every one of his own mouthwatering muscles to perfection each step along the way.  Between being so beautifully displayed by young Ethan and then showing what all those pretty, pretty muscles are good for, this match does something momentous to me.  It stokes my Lon-mania back to full blast and results in the rare event of a change in the rankings of which wrestler owns me the hardest.

I’d trade places with Ethan here any… damn… time!

That’s right, Lon has upended (which, let’s face it, may be Kid Karisma’s best side anyway) Kid Karisma to decisively make me put the crown of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler on his shaggy head.  Kid K is no more than half a step behind him by my count, so the competition is arousingly tight for the title.  I still give Eli Black the edge on a match by match comparison of Hair Stakes with Gut Bash 10 for the homoerotic wrestler of the month title.  But in the overall rankings, Hair Stakes gives Lon just the boot up on idle Kid K that he needs to climb to the top and sit very, very pretty.