Crowning a New Champion

It probably hardly needs mentioning, does it? I was so completely charmed by my interview with Lon Dumont that no one could be surprised to learn he’s reclaimed his title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division).

Since I stumbled across Rusty Stevens’ resignation from porn, the serious competition has been in the non-pornboy rankings, as far as I’m concerned (no disrespect intended toward Trent Diesel, of course). Joshua Goodman’s (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) last two matches have been stunningly erotic, even while still including no actual nudity. When Mr. Joshua decided to put bodyworship on the table, and invite a gym bunny admirer to wrestle for the pleasure of owning Mr. Joshua’s gorgeous body, that nudged him right over the top of inaugural title holder, Lon. But after having the opportunity to actually chat with Lon, there’s no doubt about it. He’s managed to body slam Mr. Joshua back into second place.

Mr. Joshua v Chico Valdez – Ring Rookies 2

I think it was the moment that Lon thanked me for noticing the fine way he fills out his wrestling trunks, that the title technically changed hands. He just has a graciousness about him with regard to my insistent adoration of his granite-carved physique that’s astonishingly sexy. As is abundantly evident in both the interview and Lon’s matches, he’s quick-witted and smart, and I wouldn’t be all that surprised to see him make an appearance competing on Jeopardy (and likely kicking ass there, as well). Graciousness and smarts as accessories to a competition bodybuilding body with years of hardworking wrestling experience? Hell, yeah! Lon Dumont is definitely the undisputed title holder in my book.

Lon Dumont v Terry O’Daly – Demolition 14

The only blemish on Lon’s BGE career thus far is the tag team loss he suffered at the brutal hands of Donnie Drake and rookie sidekick Doug Rand. I had intended on asking Lon more about this cloud hanging over his match record, but I was completely charmed by his passion for sharing his life with rescue animals. So, let me tally this us once more… graciousness, smarts, granite body carved by Michaelangelo, veteran wrestling savvy, AND sensitive, socially conscious animal lover!? My, oh my… Mr. Joshua, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

But back to Lon’s only match loss, the question I’d planned to ask Lon was about his tag team partner in that fated match, Chace LaChance. Personally, as a firmly established Lon fanatic, I’d think Lon would have had better odds of coming out on top taking on Donnie and Doug single-handedly. I thought that Chace brought almost nothing to the table other than his sweet, go-go boy muscles (which, let’s face it, fall into the category of “cute” next to the sliced and diced hardness and definition of Lon), his five-o-clock shadow, and that metaphorical target painted on his pretty, all-over-tanned ass that said, “Kick the shit out of me!” In fact, my take was the Chace was a net competitive loss for the LaChance/Dumont side of the equation (though he does bring plenty of “pretty” to enjoy).

Chace LaChance

Chace has been getting that sweet ass of his beaten left and right in his short tenure with BGE, so I don’t know if he’ll even have the audacity to show up again, particularly after his abject humiliation in a second appearance against Donnie Drake, where Donnie manhandles and mauls both Chace and Brent Salvo simultaneously and single-handedly (only further proving my point that Chace was clearly the weakest link when he teamed with Lon). But if Chace is still sniffing around for more BGE action, then I think Lon ought to re-open that wrestling school of his that he mentioned (and a can of whoop-ass) with Chace LaChance as his first pupil. Corporal punishment would definitely be standing orders.

Lon Dumont v Eddie Rey – Fantasymen 32

I suppose, when it comes right down to it, I’m not sure who wouldn’t make Lon look good. Perhaps Joe Robbins could fit the bill that Lon suggested might earn a victory over him, considering Joe is, indeed, right around 100 pounds heavier and over half a foot taller. But as I said to Lon, I pity any wrestler who thinks that’s the only thing it will take to defeat him. When it comes to who might be “foolish enough” to accept a forced-to-flex challenge from my favorite bodybuilder battler, I’d nominate Kid Karisma (who would NEVER believe that his muscles could be inferior to anyone’s), or perhaps a green rookie who needs initiated into the ring, like Attila Dynasty. Of course, it goes without saying that there’d be just about no bigger battle of egos than a Lon v Mr. Joshua face-off, but I still say that Mr. Joshua should devote himself exclusively to matches that involve wrestling amorous admirers intent on worshipping his body and tapping his ass, if they can defeat him. Much more of that from Mr. Joshua is his best chance at clawing his way back on top of Lon’s rippled abs and reclaiming the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler, non-pornboy division.

Someone is, at this very moment, complaining that Lon granting me an interview has unjustly swayed my rankings. Let me just emphasize that these favorite homoerotic wrestling rankings are always MY favorite homoerotic wrestling rankings. This is always about who’s turning me on and entertaining me the most, and hands down, that would be Lon these days. Of course, if there are any other contenders who’d like to even the playing field by giving me an interview, I’m more than happy to oblige! That said, it’ll be tough to charm me quite as much as my reigning homoerotic wrestling non-pornboy, Lon Dumont.

Starting Strong

We’re barely a week into the new year and I can already predict, with absolute certainty, what one of my top 5 favorite moments of 2011 will be. In fact, I may need to start a favorite moment of the decade category for this. One of my favorite moments of the year is going to be, without a doubt, being contacted by Lon Dumont, my current #1 contender for the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy division (and inaugural championship title holder).
Lon dropped me a note last week, letting me know that he’d run across this blog and had appreciated my kind words about him and his outstanding wrestling with BG East. He also offered me the tantalizing tease that he’s expecting to wrestle some more with BGE this year. The promise of seeing more of giant-killer Lon climbing into the ring and squeezing agonizingly long, gasping submissions out of his shocked opponents is already making me a little breathless!
It’s hardly surprising to learn that Lon is a competition bodybuilder. A friend recently sent me some pics of Lon on stage, displaying his award winning physique. The sight of his bronzed, oiled, shredded, vascular marvel of a body makes my eyes hurt, probably because I’m just not blinking as I stare in wondering adoration. Totally worth it.
While Lon’s physique in still-frame is simply, undeniably, a work of art, I continue to maintain that his ring persona is what makes him a standout object of homoerotic wrestling kink gold. At 5’7″ tall and 150 pounds, Lon might seem to be at a disadvantage when he climbs into the ring with likes of 6’1″, 210 pound Eddie Rey or even 5’10”, 185 pound rookie, Terry O’Daly. But as his undefeated record in 1-on-1 competition attests, he’s got precisely what it takes to bring the big boys to their knees. You could tell from the moment that Eddie Rey climbed into the ring with Lon in Lon’s debut BGE match, when Lon challenged the muscle hunk to forced-to-flex stakes and called towering Eddie “Sprout,” that Lon had the cold confidence and the ring savvy to zero out whatever size advantage his opponent might enjoy. Frankly, I almost feel a little sorry for Eddie and Terry by the end of their encounters with Lon. With all of their illusions of crushing a “little guy” shattered, and with Lon flexing his competition-quality muscles in their faces humiliatingly, I catch myself almost feeling a pang of pity for them. Happily, Lon is as pitiless as he is devastating, and I’m left with nothing but lustful awe for the big, big man packed into a tightly shredded, striated, gorgeously muscled, compact body.
Lon’s only blemish on his BGE record thus far is his tag team loss wrestling alongside of rookie Chace LaChance, falling to the dirty tricks of big bruiser Donnie Drake and his rookie sidekick, Doug Rand. Now, this is just my opinion, but I think go-go boy Chace deserves some harsh retribution for his part in earning the giant killer a tick in the loss column. Lon hasn’t mentioned anything to me about it, but it just seems to me that if anyone has earned some harsh feelings from Lon, it’s that far-too-prettyboy poser.
Of course, Chace only has a 2 inch height advantage and about a 5 pound weight advantage over Lon, which seems like a complete joke when you take a look at Lon’s absolutely masterful dismantling of muscle stud bigboy, Eddie Rey. So, true, perhaps a grudge match with Chace might not be as competitive as a typical Lon Dumont wrestling clinic, but I’d put money on the odds that an obliterating go-go boy beatdown would be every bit as entertaining. Seriously, I’d put money on that!
Taking a page from the trailblazer, Joe at Ringside at Skull Island, I’ve approached Lon about the possibility of an interview to post here. He seems as generous outside the ring as he is relentlessly dominating inside the ring, so we’ll be scheduling that soon. I suppose I should make it clear that personal communication from a top-tier wrestler-obsession of mine shouldn’t tip the scales at all in his direction as I dispassionately weigh the current rankings of my favorites. By no means should Lon get any favoritism from me. That said, if I were Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), I’d stop staring at my massive balls and look over my shoulder, because there’s a 5’7″ bodybuilder with a vicious streak coming up fast from behind! Watch for more from me here, and watch for more from Lon at BGE this year. In the mean time, I’m going to go buy some Visine, because I still can’t take my eyes away from those stone-carved abs!

Pushing and pulling

Whew! BGE finally put me out of my misery and delivered my copy of Tag Team Torture 12. I’ve been craving the second appearance of Lon Dumont for months now. All this pent up anticipation was making my right eye twitch. Needless to say, I was loaded for bear with a hair trigger as I ripped open the package and pressed play.
Lon impresses me even more in motion than his stunning photos from his tag team match. He is one tightly muscled package of tastiness. He and his partner, Chace LaChance, are both a little unnaturally tan, smooth as silk, and packed into their destined-to-job bright orange and metallic polka-dotted trunks impressively. Here’s the story as I see it: Two relative ring veterans (Donnie Drake and Lon… watch Lon in action and it’s evident he’s no rookie), are facing off against one another, each veteran bringing with him a protege/apprentice. Lon has the smooth moves, speed, and savvy to tie Donnie up in knots. Donnie has just enough savvy, dumb-fratboy cockiness, and overwhelming muscle mass to power out of any knot he gets tied into. So the story is mostly told in the boys on the side.

Lon brings to the ring Chace LaChance, who looks like he’s been ripped off of some go-go pole. He has better moves than I expected with his babyface, club-boy look. He suffers quite nicely, in fact, and he sells his one-on-two demolitions with some sweet style. So the story goes, Lon is on the sidelines barking instructions to his protege, so that Chace’s youthful eagerness is guided like a cruise missile by the cool hand of Lon calling the shots. I, like his opponents, underestimate Chace throughout, which makes this all considerably more fun.

Sadly, though, Lon and Chace don’t really have much chemistry between them. They lose their story somewhere, and other than a fantastic sequence of moves to win fall #2 (where they bat young
Doug Rand between them like two cats playing with a ball of string), Lon and Chace seem primarily merely fodder for 2 on 1 abuse at the hands of their opponents. Donnie and Doug, on the other hand, play the coach/protege story consistently and enjoyingly. Doug looks a little like a doofus, full of bluster and an arsenal of moves that he’s just too green and slow to know how to unpack. So Donnie is persistently pulling arrows out of Doug’s quiver, barking orders that Doug faithfully follows. Donnie orders Doug to sidewalk-slam Chace, and Doug instantly lifts his opponent off his feet and slams him to his back. Donnie commands Doug to claw Chace’s pecs, and Doug digs in with abandon. Donnie does a nice job convincing us that he’s a sick fuck who gets off on dominating and humiliating. And the edge in his voice ordering Doug around gives just a hint of a daddy/cub backstory that would have been SO hot to see play out between Lon and Chace (alas).
For lusting after Lon, his debut against Eddy Rey remains the purchase of choice. Getting a glimpse of Lon’s ability to sell suffering and push his opponents’ story is sweet, though I think Lon’s personality and wrestling skills were just to big for this particular tag scenario to really make the most of him. I’m loudly rooting for more of Lon, louder Lon, more dominating Lon, matched up against some more opponents who can move, fly, and scramble even half as skillfully as Lon clearly can. I’m happy to own a little piece of Lon tanned, highlighting his really stunning body. But frankly it’s Donnie who comes out the surprise winner from the match for my attentions. He’s not the smoothest or most skilled. There are bigger boys. But Donnie told me a hot story that sparked my imagination.