Who Wore It Best?

Big Joe Robbins has a pair of the meatiest, most punishing legs in homoerotic wrestling. To be honest, Joe had to grow on me. He’s too chill. He shows precious little/no emotion.The emotional range of a match almost entirely depends on the sell of his opponent. But over time, I realized the subtle, sexy truth about big Joe. He plays his opponents like a musical instrument. Like a virtuoso bowing a Stradivarius, Joe’s passion is evident in the timbre of the screams of his opponents.


Joe’s signature hold is his bodyscissors variation, where he clamps those monstrous tree trunks onto an opponent’s torso and then rolls up to his hands, suspending a trapped hunk off the mat. The genius of this hold includes the  spotlight it places on Joe’s mammoth thighs. The position shows off Joe’s lovely, luxurious, round glutes. And it displays his opponent’s trapped muscles, complete helplessness, and exquisite agony beautifully. As Joe digs his knees into his prey’s kidneys, the suffering sings from way down deep. If they’re off key, Joe applies the precise pressure to wring the right notes out of them.  It’s always astonishingly dominant, a move that only a huge, powerful muscle hunk could possibly pull off. Every opponent looks helpless, completely dominated, and absolutely humiliated.

But when it comes to Big Joe’s kidney crushing, suspended bodyscissors, who wore it best? Check out my curated selection of nominees, and vote below.

Suspended bodyscissors #1: Denny Cartier
Suspended Bodyscissors #2: Tyrell Tomsen
Suspended Bodyscissors #3: Eddy Rey
Suspended Bodyscissors #4: Donnie Drake
Suspended Bodyscissors #5: Jobe Zander
Suspended Bodyscissors #6: Jonny Firestorm

Wasted Wednesday

Another Wasted Wednesday has me catching my second wind to get through the week by soaking in the sight of cocky, confident muscle men taken out. This time, I’m contrasting side-by-side images of said hunks, first at the beginning of a match, with fire in their eyes and the wind at their backs, and then about 20 – 30 minutes later after they’ve been laid waste. It’s a big part of what turns me on about wrestling. The psychological drama of getting face-to-face with your vulnerability at high speed is honestly at least as titillating as the sight of gorgeous bodies barely in tight briefs or less. It’s also why I love re-watching matches, to turn back time and watch the strut and bluster, witness the absolute certainty in their superiority. Would they take it back if they knew they’d be flat out, completely defenseless, and totally humiliated in mere minutes? But they don’t know, so they slap their dicks down and reveal a soft underside that only pride, a rocking bod, and a supersized ego can leave you with.

Here are a few choice wrestling hunks who showed up pumped and beautiful and convinced of their invincibility, who ended up crushed just right.

One of my hardest wrestling crushes thoroughly documented in the pages of this blog is Lon Dumont. I was instantly smitten at first sight when this stunningly beautiful competition bodybuilder didn’t just look the part in his debut match in Fantasymen 22, he absolutely owned the ring and his opponent. Now, I never tire of watching Lon (full-stop, but also let me continue) work his top shelf heel magic, particularly when he rocks muscle heads significantly bigger than he is. But I’ve got to admit that seeing him bested and brutalized at the end of Last Man Standing makes me swoon, all the more for the rarity it is.

I have a very different relationship with Damien Rush. He possesses one of the most outrageously over-sized egos in homoerotic wrestling, if not anywhere outside of Washington, DC. The daddy’s little rich boy backstory makes me love, love, love to hate him, and the bigger and beefier he gets, the more extravagantly puffed he becomes, and the more desperate I am to see him humbled hard. Since his early “swimmer’s build,” he’s been getting a lot of mileage out of his gorgeously thick muscles and comic book proportions. When he stomps into the ring, flexing, and his simpering, contemptuous baritone starts chugging away with silver spoon-fed self-praise and blue blood destiny for greatness, my orgasm is just a tad fiercer for it when I see him plowed under and laid waste, as in Hunkbash 17 when smooth muscle giant Vasily Volkov bashes the snot right out of him.

I haven’t quite decided what my fan-relationship is with hot bodied bro Kenny Starr yet. I mean, fuck, that body, of course. But honestly, I don’t know if my crotch aches more to see him ground into putty or doing the grinding. Ty Alexander makes a strong case for the former in Jobberpaloozer 17. Kenny’s glorious, wedgied ass exposed, nearly drowning in a pool of his own sweat, and unable to muster enough energy to lift his head off the mat is certainly a sensational use of that smoking hot body of his.

Seeing Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) take a turn on the losing end of the stick is another rare treat that leaves me just a little frustrated, honestly. Don’t get me wrong, watching a notorious badass heel undone is that much more pleasurable when said badass is a musclebound physique star with a multi-award winning bulge. The hit Mr. Joshua’s ego takes in a match like his Ring Hunks 1 battle with Aryx Quinn gets me way, way hot and bothered. But fuck it all to hell, seeing him wasted, out cold, and humiliated, and never seeing an opponent unleashing Mr. J’s not-so-secret weapon when he can’t lift a finger to defend himself makes me blow blood vessels. Come ON, Aryx! WTF?!

I’ve been starting to dabble in Thunder’s Arena again, for a change of pace, and there are just so many mouthwatering muscles to sink my teeth into! For example, Battlespace 112 grabs me hard, initially because I can’t decide if it’s silky smooth, mocha skinned surf bro Jack Beaver or mop-headed, smoldering alabaster boy Kid Thing who’s hotter. Perhaps paradoxically (or not), it’s seeing Kid Thing worked to a nub and literally out cold still standing that tips the scales his way for me. Fu-uck, we need a Kid tournament some day [makes note to self for future fantasy match].

Rio Garza. Let me just say his name and step back and watch the ages old fault lines pop open in homoerotic wrestling fandom. I’ve long been on the record that I love to hate the Mexican muscle boy precisely because he never quite managed to go from go-go boy to wrestler. I mean, he wrestled. A lot, to say the least. But I never thought he brought a whole lot more than a dizzyingly sexy body to the table. I know for a fact that at least a couple of his opponents felt the same way as I do, which explains the ferocity behind the brutal beatdowns lovely Rio took in the ring. If you’re going to be a dazzlingly sexy muscle jobber, you deserve the credit for making wasted be so deeply satisfying for fans, as he does in Hunkbash 11.

I should probably quit, but I couldn’t help myself but track down one more stunning fantasyman who comes to mind when I think of pathos in defeat. Kid Brock wrestled in a total of just 4 BG East releases, and still I obsess about him these many years later. It was the angelic babyface somehow misplaced atop his gargantuan, fierce physique. It was a whiff of greatness, like this Kid could legitimately deserve his place in the extremely exclusive ranks of Kid greats at BGE. It was that porn-ready muscle ass and those sensationally thick thighs. But, in the end, it was all that wasted promise, plowed under, destroyed, humiliated, and him leaving an epic career of homoerotic wrestling greatness just lying their on the table, just like he was just left splayed out and destroyed by the likes of Structure in Ring Wars 9. Like seriously, I think this Kid could have owned us ALL if he’d stuck around!

Such a sensationally sweet, sexy, satisfying waste to see hot bodied hunks like these laid out!

Still Kickin’

I thought I’d better post something before someone prematurely starts writing my obituary.  I’m still adjusting to offline changes in my life, but I’m also happily carving out stolen moments here and there to enjoy watching hot wrestling. My thanks to those who periodically check-in when you notice I’m quiet for a while. It’s always nice to be missed. And a big word of humble gratitude to man-of-my-dreams Scott Williams who not only noticed my absence, not only dropped a comment on the blog asking how I’m doing, but also let me know that he’s thinking about arranging an opportunity for me to see him wrestle in person.

Scott Williams

Fuck, that’ll bring me back from death’s doorstep anytime.  Honestly, if you ever find me in cardiac arrest, skip the CPR and just get Scott Williams on the line letting me know when and where I can get a live show of him making Ty Alexander cry and beg. I guarantee you that’ll be an instant miracle cure.

Scott hurting pretty boys makes life livable.

If you know me, you know I’ve got opinions piling up about the best and brightest new releases that have come out over the past couple of months. While I’m assembling my thoughts and trying to sort through a backlog of reviews, this post is mostly just to let you know I’m still kicking. And in that spirit, here are some hot, decisive kicks that make my heart beat harder.

Dylon Roberts vs. Hawk Rodman – Bulge Battles 1
Flash LaCash vs. Kip Sorell – Demolition 21 (Best Squash of 2016)
Kid Karisma vs. Reese Wells – Ringwars 27
Biff Farrell vs. Chet Chastain – Babyface Brawl 4
Dick Rick vs. Donnie Drake – Pros in Private 11
Rudy Cortez vs. Nick Naughton – Ringwars 14
Lane Hartley vs. Richie Douglas – Lane’s Sinister Side

Friday Fashion

Donnie Drake (right) wore it best.


It was another victory by a nose (or perhaps, a bulge), as Donnie Drake barely held off the legendary Lon Dumont to claim the title as he who wore those chartreuse and lime green trunks best. The vote as of my counting this morning was 63 votes for Donnie, 61 for Lon, and 9 votes for underdog Shannon “Ralph Nader” Embry. Donnie is a high profile hunk with a ton of raw pro wrestling appeal and a smoking hot body, so it should come as no surprise that he pulled off the win this time. However, I think in a 3-way ring tussle with Donnie, Shannon and Lon fighting (naked) for the right to don the gear, smarter-than-your-average-bear Lon would manage to split the tag team partners and pull off the humiliating 2-on-1 upset victory… but that may just be me.

That gear seems to have given Donnie’s opponents the green light to absolutely brutalize his hot, sweaty body in Tag Team Torture 8.


I don’t have any fashion smack downs on my mind this week, so there’s no new poll for you. However, feel free to recommend some showdowns for future weeks. Who had the audacity to wear identical gear, begging the question, who wore it best? Let me know what you think about Donnie’s victory this week, and give me a heads up about other fashion showdowns by commenting here.

Friday Fashion

Trent Blayze wore it best.


The voting for last Friday’s Fashion poll blew me away! As I mentioned last week, I tend to never, ever bet against Aryx Quinn in a fan poll of any type. The stud has an incredibly deep and loyal fan base, and as soon as he sends out a notice to rally his troops on Twitter (as he did yesterday to try to pull this poll out of the fire) his minions typically crush the competition. But not this time!  By a vote of 126 to 121 (51% to 49%), Trent Blayze ripped those sexy-ass indigo trunks with silver flames off of Aryx and claimed the extremely hard fought title as “he who wore it best.” Is there a Trent Blayze fan club out there that I don’t know about?  Because I’d like to!  Just like I’d like to see the metaphorical fight for these trunks between Aryx and Trent turn into a literal, all in, rip-n-strip-in-reverse match between them. Lovely Aryx has been humbled two weeks in a row, so we’re going to put him on the bench this week to lick his wounds. And if he needs help with licking himself, I hope he’ll drop me a line.

Now that’s the way to wear a pair of trunks!


This week’s Friday Fashion poll was another find from fashionista Dan, who noticed that not only did Donnie Drake and Shannon Embry wear matching gear when they teamed up in Tag Team Torture 8, but about 7 years later, perennial favorite of mine Lon Dumont donned the same gear in Tag Team Torture 17. I have to guess mammoth side of beef Brute Baynard might have also donned the same trunks when partnering with Lon if his gargantuan glutes and quads could have squeezed into them, but alas, this is a three-way Friday Fashion poll for you.  Aesthetically speaking, between Shannon, Donnie and Lon, who wore it best?

The graphic suffering that Shannon Embry (left) and Donnie Drake (right) experienced in these architectural lime green and chartreuse trunks was astonishing. The day they battled it out in Tag Team Torture 8, they were brutally schooled and pounded into oblivion. But today, in in a head-to-head-to-head battle of fashion, did Shannon wear it best? Did Donnie?
Or was it wrestler-turned-bodybuilder-turned-bodybuilder wrestler Lon Dumont who yet again crushed both Shannon and Donnie by not only squashing like proverbial bugs his opponents in Tag Team Torture 17, but also wearing the same gear the best?


Catalog of Wishes



The Sears Christmas catalog would arrive, and I’d spend countless hours combing through the pages of the toys (and underwear) advertisements, my imagination filled with anticipated delights. I’d make a list for Santa, then comb over the pages again and revise my priorities, guess at the optimal constellation of gifts to produce the maximum pleasure. There was something intoxicating about coveting toys and then coveting the underwear models, back and forth.

That’s the next closest thing to a new BG East catalog. Like Friday’s release of 101. Every page makes my blood pump harder, so much anticipated pleasure. Just the anticipation, the tease of a handful of words and accompanying provocative photos, is such a delight!  After the mouthwatering taste, but before the full on consummation, there’s such a sweet spot right here, right now.  I cannot wait to consume the promises, but then again, the wait is so, so sweet!

Hunky Muscle Mask gets the Aryx treatment in Masked Mayhem 11.
My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, catches my (and Donnie Drake’s) eye in Last Man Standing.
Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe obediently worships the ripped body of Damien Rush in Backyard Brawls 8.
My mind is blown, and I suspect my crotch is not far behind, by Jonny’s customizable demolition of Drake Marcos in Custom Combat: Drake’s Drubbing.
So many world class bulges between Kid Karisma and Pretty Pete Sharp in Kid Karisma’s Wrestler Spotlight.
Lane Hartley makes me gasp just seeing his stills as he picks apart body beautiful Z-Man in Pros in Private 10.
KIp Sorell and Jake Jenkins. That’s pretty much all that needed to be said to make me dizzy, much less just a glimpse of the preview pics from Backyard Brawls 8.


Kink Costs

I just filled out an online survey as a BG East Arena member, giving them my impressions of the Arena content and subscription cost. It reminded me that I need to buckle down and do something that I’ve been telling myself that I need to do for some time. I need to dump a subscription. But which one? I’ve signed up for more than I really ought to, convincing myself that it’s in service of having more to review here on the blog (weak pretense, I know). But truth be told, I really shouldn’t be carrying quite this many recurring subscriptions. So let’s look at this by the numbers, and you tell me what I should do.

The BG East Arena membership is still stroking and stoking my kink quite nicely. I like the new weekly updates, even if they are proportionally smaller than their semi-monthly old updates used to be. I think I’m on the 90 day recurring billing scheme, for which I pay $34.95 for three months of access to the Arena. I’m under the impression that I get more quantity of content per penny with the Arena than I do with any of my other subscriptions (though a number cruncher may have more to say about that). I enjoy the preview pics of yet-to-be-released products, as well as the extensive galleries of new releases and “classics.” And I really enjoy the “action clips,” those little tasty morsels of a few minutes of BG East matches. BG East has also been very generous with permitting me to repost occasional Arena content here at neverland, which is extremely cool of them. I’m not inclined to put the Arena on the chopping block as I scale down my kink budget, but perhaps you have arguments for or against it?

I’m also subscribing to Can-AmMax. I believe I’m on the month-to-month recurring billing cycle, which gives me each month’s content for $19.95 (I could get 90 days recurring for $49.95). Can-AmMax is more hit-and-miss for me with regard to how into it I am at any one moment. When I’m particularly into Max releases (e.g., the first 2 Arena matches & Pro Sex Fight), I was scarfing it up and checking daily for when the next morsel would be offered. I like that I can watch entire matches, piece-by-piece, for the subscription price itself (unlike the extra charge over at the Arena). The photo galleries often aren’t always action-oriented (lot’s of posed Blue Steel stuff that leaves me bored), and the galleries don’t always correspond to new releases in a 1-to-1 relationship the way that the BG East Arena does.  I also repost Can-Am content holding my breath just a little, because though I’ve tried to figure out how to formally ask their permission to repost their content here, I haven’t been successful in receiving specific permission (if someday all Can-Am content has been removed from this blog, it’s because they must have finally asked me to stop treading on their copyrighted material). The wrestling action itself is running about 50/50 for me these days, with my sincere interest in their new releases rising only about half the time. I’d miss it if I dropped it, but I don’t know how much I’d miss it.

And yet again, I’m subscribing to Thunder’s Arena’s Thunder TV. I think I’m on the month-to-month plan with them as well, investing $29.99 recurring (I could get 90 days for $59.99). Thunders is striking a chord about as frequently as Can-Am Max (though very different chords). The wrestling, video, and photo quality are the weakest of the three, and the website itself is the lease intuitive or well-organized of anything I’m paying for. I like the personality and the personableness of Thunders. I like the humor and the big, big muscle boys. Mr. Mike has been sincerely generous in giving me permission to repost any Thunder’s content here, so they rock for that as well. It’s the coyest of all my subscriptions, with no nudity and only implied gay-themed content, which is frustrating. They do have some wrestlers that I enjoy that I just don’t see elsewhere (Big Sexy and Ace Hanson, I’ve got my eyes on you as I say that!). I’d miss the subscription from time to time, I’m sure. And this is the second time I’ve had a Thunder TV subscription, returning to the fold after a long hiatus. But it could be the low fruit ripe for picking in this bunch.

Finally, I’ve got a NakedKombat subscription for a whopping $34.95 per month, though if I was smart, I’d sign up for the 90 days recurring plan for $59.99. NK puts out exactly one new match every Wednesday that I can watch or download in its entirety, as I can any other NK match, at any time. I can also download photos of NK action from any match they’ve released, though the galleries sometimes aren’t as entertaining as in other subscriptions, nor do they have the bells and whistles and theme galleries that I enjoy elsewhere. NK doesn’t appear too worried about copyrighting their photos, so I don’t know how they feel about my reposts and reviews, but I suspect they don’t mind (wouldn’t be the first time I’m proven wrong, though). I’m into about every 2 out of 3 NK new releases, with my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboys often showing up exclusively in this all-pornboy production (sweet Jesus I can’t get enough Trent Diesel!).  Round 4 and the victory sex interest me only rarely, frankly, since it’s the wrestling itself that really tweaks my kink the most. But rounds 1, 2 & 3 are highly entertaining and arousing for me for those matches that particularly speak to me. I’d miss it particularly for specific wrestlers that I go to for my hardcore pornboy wrestling moods.

So, surely someone out there is an CPA, MBA, financial advisor… someone with more money sense than I have. Crunch the numbers, wave a wrestling kink wand over top of them, and tell me what I should do to balance my checkbook and feel a bit better about my abundant outlay of cash in pursuit of wrestling kink.

In the Ropes

These days, I’m getting worked over pretty hard. I’m working my ass off, just managing to stay on my feet. And, wouldn’t you know it, just when I find myself backed into the ropes, some nasty heel villain uses those very same ropes to work me over that much harder.
KV v Ken Mason (assisted by KL) – Tag Team Torture 1
Metaphorically, this makes my day-to-day life these days suck. On the other hand, literally, when someone uses the ring ropes to take advantage of an already battered hunk, that does not suck (at least not for the heel or for me, watching). Turning the set into an integral prop to tell the story is, in fact, a major turn on for me, further explaining my particular preference for ring action.
Brigham Bell v Patrick Donovan – Hunkbash 5
Sliced to hell and mean as a king cobra, Brigham Bell pretty much always used the ropes, and most of the time he took full advantage by not only capturing his hunks in the ropes, but then head scissoring them at the same time. Illustrated so delightfully in his ring action with Patrick Donovan, ultra-lean, muscled bodies put on artistic display is the icing on the cake. The cake itself, of course, is the completely gratuitous humiliation of an already suffering hunk. To capture 6’1″ pec-tacular Patrick so defenselessly, so vulnerably, and then to squeeze Patrick’s handsome face humiliatingly between Brigham’s tightly corded thighs… talk about the climax of a story!
Brad Rochelle v Patrick Donovan – Wrestlefest 2
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick… early in his BG East career, Patrick frequently occupied the restraints of the ring ropes. He just suffered so sweetly! It’s no wonder that opponent after opponent reveled in beating him down and then tying him up to not only soak up more punishment, to also have his ego crushed as decisively as his hot, long, gorgeous body. On his way to being awarded Rookie of the Year in Wrestlefest 2 (I vote for more Wrestlefests!), Brad Rochelle slapped Patrick into what I think, objectively speaking, is the hottest bit of ring rope torture ever captured on camera. Hunk-on-hunk, stunning body on stunning body, handsome face squaring off against handsome face, and Brad taking a foreshadowing turn to the dark side to lock Patrick’s throat between the bottom to ropes and then boston crag his legs, sitting his fine (fine, fine, fine, fine) ass down across Patrick’s shoulders to choke him that much more. 

Brad Rochelle v Dom the Dominator – Demolition 3

Brad, Brad, Brad… of course, any regular reader of this blog is already fully immersed in the drama of Brad Rochelle’s BGE career, as his fratboy face and go-go boy muscles went through years of jobbing, suffering like perhaps none other, not infrequently himself trapped in the very same ropes with which he’d humiliated Patrick and won rookie of the year. Dom’s boot in his ass and his back cranked backward over the top rope, Brad’s rope-suffering illustrates what is the tastiest pay off of all with rope work: the stunning body of a hunk displayed so fully and vulnerably.

Rio Garza v Donnie Drake v “Trevor” Mathews – Pro Bashed Triple Threat
I noticed in recent pics from Can-Am’s new (upcoming?) release, Pro Bashed Triple Threat, that Rio Garza is on the receiving end of some tasty hunk rope punishment at the hands of Donnie Drake. This is, perhaps, the best representation of my own subjective experience at the moment. Clearly outmuscled and at the mercy of a nasty, big, brick house bastard, like Rio under the control of Donnie Drake, I’m getting pried backward and pounded on with nothing to do but take it and look pretty (I can pull that off, too).
As I whine, just a bit, about my own woes (I can sell suffering when it’s my turn), I find some comfort in the sight of some beautiful hunks getting tied up and beat down with the assistance of the ropes. Well, okay, so perhaps “comfort” isn’t the word. But it does, somehow, make the nasty heels in my own life a little more tolerable when I spend a little time admiring the aesthetics and erotics of homoerotic wrestling heels taking the picture frame itself and choking the daylights out of the stunning portrait of a musclehunk in the middle.

Here we go again. A month and a half after BGE releases a Donnie Drake 1 on 2 squash, Can-Am is pre releasing pics from a Donnie Drake 1 on 2 bout.  I think there could be a place for this type of copycat production (see Rio v Jobe and Rio v Aryx for more examples), really I do. I think that Can-Am’s specialty in pornboy porn wrestling could make a hot Rio v Jobe ring battle resurrect into a very nice trunks off, hands on mat tussle that I’d pay double for. Other than the translation to mats, that’s not the formula that Can-Am appears to be applying to their second place finishes.

Still, I am liking the hint that I’m getting from the Can-Am boss’s Twitter pics, though. Donnie’s 1 on 2 battle for Can-Am is a scrap with Chris Bruce and Rio. While true, this is yet another reunion of BG East boys, Sexton has a provocative pic of Donnie double teamed with his face in Chris’ crotch while Rio applies a boston crab to the bad boy. I’m not going to hold my breath to finally, finally, finally see Chris (or either of the others) really sex it up, but I am a fan of some of these straight up homoerotic wrestling boys working a little more of the homoerotic side of the coin with faces to crotch. I still think that a loser-cums scenario (one way or another) would make this seem less like a BGE re-run and more like something I’ve come to appreciate Can-Am for.

Another sneak peak pic from Sexton shows what appears to be a tag team line up for an in-the-ring match starring still another combination of BG East alums, Aryx & Donnie teaming up against Rio and Cameron Matthews. I tend to prefer ring matches. I like tag teams. Frankly, I’m still taking cold showers waiting for a another seriously hot lovers on lovers tag team match. Something tells me the Aryx/Donnie Rio/Cameron combinations won’t be sparing me another cold shower, though. But otherwise, this is pretty solidly in my wrestling kink niche, and I’m anxious to see it.

I’m going to hammer on my old saw, now, though (note that despite the mixed metaphor, everything stays in the tool shed). You simply can’t tell me that there are only a dozen or so quality performers out there who can sell homoerotic wrestling. I don’t believe it for a second. Now, I don’t begrudge the boys themselves their dues. Someone offering a paycheck isn’t to be taken for granted, particular in the present economic environment. Wrestle for whomever treats you right and gives you checks that clear. But higher up the food chain, I just want to say again, don’t phone it in. Spot the smokin’ hot new talent and blow me away with something I’ve never seen before. Or even take the tried and true golden boys and make them tell me an entirely new story. Keep the homo and the erotic up front, even though I understand that you’re often going to work with straight boys. But one way or another, keep it fresh, make my blood pump faster, and introduce me to a new obsession, a new story, a new spark to make me believe that there’s something more out there to be had that I haven’t already bought and paid for.

Pushing and pulling

Whew! BGE finally put me out of my misery and delivered my copy of Tag Team Torture 12. I’ve been craving the second appearance of Lon Dumont for months now. All this pent up anticipation was making my right eye twitch. Needless to say, I was loaded for bear with a hair trigger as I ripped open the package and pressed play.
Lon impresses me even more in motion than his stunning photos from his tag team match. He is one tightly muscled package of tastiness. He and his partner, Chace LaChance, are both a little unnaturally tan, smooth as silk, and packed into their destined-to-job bright orange and metallic polka-dotted trunks impressively. Here’s the story as I see it: Two relative ring veterans (Donnie Drake and Lon… watch Lon in action and it’s evident he’s no rookie), are facing off against one another, each veteran bringing with him a protege/apprentice. Lon has the smooth moves, speed, and savvy to tie Donnie up in knots. Donnie has just enough savvy, dumb-fratboy cockiness, and overwhelming muscle mass to power out of any knot he gets tied into. So the story is mostly told in the boys on the side.

Lon brings to the ring Chace LaChance, who looks like he’s been ripped off of some go-go pole. He has better moves than I expected with his babyface, club-boy look. He suffers quite nicely, in fact, and he sells his one-on-two demolitions with some sweet style. So the story goes, Lon is on the sidelines barking instructions to his protege, so that Chace’s youthful eagerness is guided like a cruise missile by the cool hand of Lon calling the shots. I, like his opponents, underestimate Chace throughout, which makes this all considerably more fun.

Sadly, though, Lon and Chace don’t really have much chemistry between them. They lose their story somewhere, and other than a fantastic sequence of moves to win fall #2 (where they bat young
Doug Rand between them like two cats playing with a ball of string), Lon and Chace seem primarily merely fodder for 2 on 1 abuse at the hands of their opponents. Donnie and Doug, on the other hand, play the coach/protege story consistently and enjoyingly. Doug looks a little like a doofus, full of bluster and an arsenal of moves that he’s just too green and slow to know how to unpack. So Donnie is persistently pulling arrows out of Doug’s quiver, barking orders that Doug faithfully follows. Donnie orders Doug to sidewalk-slam Chace, and Doug instantly lifts his opponent off his feet and slams him to his back. Donnie commands Doug to claw Chace’s pecs, and Doug digs in with abandon. Donnie does a nice job convincing us that he’s a sick fuck who gets off on dominating and humiliating. And the edge in his voice ordering Doug around gives just a hint of a daddy/cub backstory that would have been SO hot to see play out between Lon and Chace (alas).
For lusting after Lon, his debut against Eddy Rey remains the purchase of choice. Getting a glimpse of Lon’s ability to sell suffering and push his opponents’ story is sweet, though I think Lon’s personality and wrestling skills were just to big for this particular tag scenario to really make the most of him. I’m loudly rooting for more of Lon, louder Lon, more dominating Lon, matched up against some more opponents who can move, fly, and scramble even half as skillfully as Lon clearly can. I’m happy to own a little piece of Lon tanned, highlighting his really stunning body. But frankly it’s Donnie who comes out the surprise winner from the match for my attentions. He’s not the smoothest or most skilled. There are bigger boys. But Donnie told me a hot story that sparked my imagination.