Bobby Horton – neverland

And the Nominees Are…

January 12, 2017 wrestlebard1 Comment

Tonight. Midnight. Submit your votes for the Best of BG East in 2016. I realize that I’m atypical when it comes to how many BG East matches I watch over the year, so this little voter’s guide is intended to help fill in any blanks some of you may have for lack of exposure to some of the nominees. If 2016 teaches us nothing else, it proves that nothing requires us to be educated and informed voters. However, if you prefer to vote based on something other than your cock’s reaction to one still photo, but you don’t have time to see the whole ballot of matches, feel free to consider my opinions for what they’re worth (which is relatively little, but a little more than voting with no basis whatsoever).

Let’s power through the remaining categories to finish off your ballot.

Best Mat Battle

Babyface Brawl 4 – Cameron Matthews vs. Jonah Richards

It’s a little surprising to consider this match “from the vaults” for a 2016 award. Both Jonah and especially Cameron were so young in this match. It’s hard not to superimpose what we know about how Cameron grew up, muscled up, and launched his own production company since this match was taped. I loved this match immensely. It’s rough and raw. The boys clearly hate the fuck out of each other. Lovely, lickable twinks who may look like babies but wrestle like nasty back alley brawlers.

Gazebo Grapplers 18 – Kid Karisma vs. Mason Brooks

It’s a close call for me, but my vote goes to Kid K and Mason. Both of these beautiful boys are perennial favorites of mine, so I had very high hopes for this match going in. They didn’t disappoint, and in fact the intensity is even hotter, the bodies even more beautiful, and the mat wrestling drama even more compelling than I’d expected. It also helps that these hunks so enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s cocky and playful and reads like the hottest foreplay in history.

Undagear 25 – Jake Jenkins vs. Attila Dynasty

Similarly, I’ve never seen a match that includes JJ or Attila that fails to get me off. It’s a match up of an amateur mat champ and a ripped, acrobatic brawler. These are both thoroughbred athletes with massive egos, so the action is brutal and vicious. Not nearly as much erotic heat as Gazebo 18, but magnificent mat wrestling nonetheless.

Wrestler Spotlight 3 Austin Cooper vs. Jake Ryder

The narrative behind Coop and Ryder’s mat tussle is great. Coop’s competitive amateur wrestling days seem so far behind him, since he’s been showing up as Dr. Cooper and dissecting opponents like a heart surgeon (aka, mercilessly) in the ring. So Jake seems to be unaware that Coop kicks ass on the mats as well. Ryder lies and cheats his way into putting the doctor into serious jeopardy, but in a lush mash up of babyface Austin and his Dr. Cooper heel alter ego, this mat battle turns nasty pro.

Undagear 26 – Van Skyler vs. Payton Meadows

I’ve written a small novel about what this match does for me, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. What grabs me by the balls most is how both of these dazzlingly pretty boys show us something completely new. They’re gorgeous. The wrestling is completely ego driven. They’re gorgeous. The dialogue is sensationally sexy. They’re gorgeous. And the all in, vicous submissions are way more intense and work than I expect to see from supremely pretty boys like this. Oh, yeah, and they’re gorgeous.

Undagear 25 – Drake Marcos vs. Ethan Andrews

Speaking intensity born of dislike, Drake and Ethan rip into each other with a passion that can’t quite be described with words. They’re mean to each other. They’re vicious and brutal. It turns sensationally sexy as the gear gets stripped, but not so much because they turn each other on, but because you get the impression that the final victory lap (after the pony ride) could very well be a domineering, taunting, sneering, contemptuous fuck. Buckets of sweat. A couple pints of tears. Lush bodies. This is a very close second choice for me.

Hottest Liplock

We almost certainly all know what we like about liplocks. I like sweat, palpable passion, a tablespoon of aggression, and authentic lust. Here are your options.

Dark Knights 13 – Kayden Keller vs Beauxregard

I’m in an ethical dilemma when it comes to giving you a look at the first nominee for Hottest Liplock. BG East has an embargo on me sharing any of their pics that contain full frontal, and yet the only shots of this liplock include both wrestlers with their full-mast cocks in hand. So I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven for cropping out the bottom of this shot, to stay within the strictly PG requirements I’ve agreed to, despite having to drop the BG East copyright at the bottom of the photo. If this photo suddenly disappears and is replaced by a puppy, you’ll know that I have been asked, and as always I’ve agreed, to a request from the copyright holder to remove the image. All that fine print aside, this is a hot liplock, right?

Wet & Wild 8 – Christian Taylor vs. Calvin Haynes

Sensationally sexy liplock between Christian and Calvin. The authenticity is well-established long ahead of time, as they both telegraph all along that they are turning each other on. If you still doubt it, their rock hard cocks straining the pouches of their trunks should prove the point.

Sexy Showdown 7 – Drake Marcos vs. Nino Leone

My vote goes to Drake’s kiss-‘n’-pin of gorgeous newbie Nino “Babyboy” Leone. It ticks off all of my boxes, including sweat, passion, simmering aggression, and what is quite obviously open lust. This is one of the most brutal matches this year, which makes the incredibly tender ending that much more dizzying. Squarely in the homoerotic sweet spot.

The Great Outdoors 2 – Charlie Evans vs. Blaine Janus

When it comes to quantity, Charlie and Blaine very well may have locked lips the most in their ginger-off in the backyard. I believe Blaine gets the award for popping Charlie’s (kissing) cherry first in his homoerotic wrestling career, but Charlie is quite clearly abundantly skilled in sucking face and using it as a defensive maneuver on the mats. For kissing as chess match move, I give this liplock a close second place on my ballot.

Motel Madness UK: Chris Xaos vs. Mike Martin

I get the impression that I am as big a fan of Chris Xaos as most of the rest of you are of Mike Martin. So between the two of us (you, me), we should be crazy for their scorching hot mat match this year. The liplock is more teasing than passionate, for my tastes. That said, I’d change my vote for a chance to stick my tongue down Chris Xaos’ throat (well, if he’s naked).

Undagear 26: Christian Taylor vs. Jeremy Burk

There’s nothing teasing about Christian and Jeremy’s passion at the end of their hot and rough mat match. This is a full on make out session, and it’s lathered in sweat, and it’s got a half a cup of aggression still playing out, and I fully believe these boys are into each other. Christian is the reigning kissing master at BG East, which may work against him this time around for the potential vote splitting with his liplock on Calvin.

Best Wrestler Spotlight

It seems like a testimony to a wrestler’s marketability to get an entire DVD release devoted to one person. So the three nominees this year for Best Wrestler Spotlight represent some major fan favorites.

Biff follows up with his victory as Debut of the Year last year with multiple nominations across the ballot, including for his Wrestler Spotlight. He’s compelling and gorgeous. I actually think the strength of this collection is in the quality of his opponents, though. You get the impression everyone wants a shot at this ridiculously hot beefcake. This is a very close second place for me.

Has anyone ever starred in 3 Wrestler Spotlight DVDs before? Although this collection tends toward showing off Coop’s work as a gorgeously bashable babyface, his mat match with Jake Ryder gives some awesome flashes of Dr. Cooper hanging out his shingle. The quality of his opponents is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlights, but Coop has emerged as such a fantastic, complex, competitive, multifaceted character, that I’m persuaded (just) to cast my vote for him.

Chace’s spotlight is sort of a retrospective of his career, featuring him as the go-go boy, the beefsteak, and the fitness model that he has been at different phases of his wrestling. His end of the bargain is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlight stars, which is to be expected considering these matches come from such drastically different parts of his career. Still, although there’s nothing to complain about, I enjoyed Coop’s cubed spotlight the best.

Best 2016 Overall Match

Now the free for all starts. I know well that fans are fierce about their favorites, and when comparing apples to oranges, there’s no pretense of objectivity or even a measurable standard to point to. Seven times out of 10, I’m biased toward ring matches. I tend to favor big personalities and hot bodies in equal measure. I like to be surprised. I like to be made to laugh. And it is essential that I get hard. With all those biases in mind, I’ll tell you how I see the field for Best of 2016.

Tag Team Torture 19 – Addams & Alexander vs. Evans & Taylor

First on the ballot is my pick for the Best Overall Match at BG East in 2016. It’s an instant classic. It’s sexy as hell. Two incredible debuts. Drama, drama, drama. Very high quality pro wrestling. Intramural rivalries. And dick pic selfies. It’s everything I could want in a match (except for a copy of those dick pics).

A very close second place for me is this masterpiece on the mats between Drake and Skrapper. If I’d had the option, I very well might have picked this over Mason and Kid Karisma for the Best Mat Battle, but alas, the nominating committee didn’t see fit to give me the chance. The wrestling is outstanding. The erotic tension is thick and juicy. And the boys are real and beautiful. The only edge TTT19 has on this for me is the full throttle pro ring vibe.

Ring Releases 4: Drake Marcos vs. Kayden Keller

So put Drake in the ring with Kayden Keller, and you might think I’d be unable to resist. I resist, though. It swings hard for a slasher vibe, but doesn’t quite connect. TTT19 and Drake’s work in Matmen 26 hit the bullseye better. And then there’s Drake’s gear to consider (smh).

Demolition 20: Austin Cooper vs. Kirk Donahue

Watching cocky indy pro Kirk Donahue get trampled by a “mere” underground phenom like Dr. Cooper is guaranteed to tickle my funny bone and get me hard. This is a magnificent beatdown and totally worthy of a shot at the title, but it just didn’t get my vote.

That’s right, haters, Drake Marcos anchors a full half of the Best Match nominees this year! I recently referred to 2016 as the year of the rookie, but it may have to be rebranded as the year of Drake. The heat is scorching in his match with Ethan. And I do love seeing bully-Ethan face off against someone who gives it right back to him. But the raw rage and bitterness don’t quite put this match over Drake’s match with Skrapper for me, and neither quite persuade me to tip them over Tag Team Torture 19.

See all my comments above about why I voted for this as Best Mat Battle, and then remind yourself that this does not take place in a wrestling ring. It’s immensely satisfying, funny, fierce and brutal, and it gets extra points in my book for Mason’s perfect (perfect) choice in undergarments. But I’m still throwing my one, lone vote to the fierce foursome in TTT19.

The real winner is you and me, of course. Such a rich, entertaining, arousing body of work from BG East in 2016 is why BG East is the first place I go for that particular mix of homoerotic wrestling that keeps me satisfied. Congratulations to all of the nominees (except for Kirk). You are, every last one of you, gorgeous to watch mix it up in the ring, on the mats, and everywhere else that the Boss’ imagination takes us. Thanks for all of the distractions in 2016 that kept me from the abyss of absolute despair over current events

Terrified

November 3, 2016November 3, 2016 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Trey Dixon’s eyes pried open to witness the spectral visage of Thrash ripping him apart in Masked Destroyers

I hope everyone had a shocking Halloween. I’m also hoping to get another photo report from our favorite homoerotic wrestlers who delight in dressing up and showing us their costumes. In the mean time, I was mulling over a topic I’ve touched upon tangentially in the past, that seems particularly relevant this time of year: terror.

Kirk Donahue may not get out of Demolition 18 alive

I should confess I’m a terror movie junkie. I tend toward the mind-fuck variety of horror flicks, particularly the sacrilegious, but the raw, mass body count movies are also on my list. I like the extra heavy heart pump they inspire. Even when I know the outcome, I can feel the blood pulse harder through my veins when I’m watching good, terror inducing entertainment

Kip Sorell pleads with the audience to call the police, because he’s getting mugged in Demolition 20

So it’s a short hop to thinking about the element of terror in homoerotic wrestling entertainment. Just like in a good horror flick, terror is a delicate ingredient. You can’t throw in too much, too soon, or the escalating adrenaline drops from habituation. On the other hand, too infrequent, too improbable (hello, Paranormal franchise, I’m looking at you) and the heat doesn’t have time to reach a boil. And under or over sold, and the whole suspension of disbelief comes crashing down in a heap.

Muscle Match goes dark with open, vicious, bare handed strangulation

But in homoerotic wrestling, when done right, it’s incredible value added for my tastes. When a brave, cocky, impenetrable stud throws himself into the fray, gets outmatched, gets convinced that he could very well get broken, broken into, or crippled for life, the unfolding drama is sensationally arousing to me. He’s got to believe he’s going to make a respectable showing to start with. And then, incrementally, he’s got to be dragged to the despairing, horrifying truth that he’s getting owned, and his opponent is just nasty enough to seriously jeopardize life and limb. And then, that juicy, potent psychodrama has to play out on his face, in his eyes, in the rising octaves of his screams and choking sobs.

Austin Cooper is terrified by what’s Bobby Horton is about to do to him from behind in his Wrestler Spotlight 3

When done right, I get that same adrenaline pump I do when I’m watching fine horror. That, paired with hot, hard bodies and the inherent eroticism of grinding, crushing, dominating wrestling, and I’ll swing for the fences every time.

Riddle Man (aka, Charlie Evans) monologues like a supervillain about what he wants to do with SuperStud (aka, Damien Rush) and his marvelous ass in Super Men 4.4.

Interestingly (for me, at least), I occasionally stumble across this ethical dilemma in seeking out terror-rich homoerotic wrestling fare, when I come across the implicit threat of rape. On the one hand, rape is not sexy. In real life, it’s vile and destroys lives. I don’t enjoy it, and don’t get aroused by it in gay porn. Frankly, it creeps me out. On the other hand, in addition to being terrorized by threats to life and limb, homoerotic wrestling terror at least occasionally drifts into the psychodrama of sexual violence. Threats that revolve around “what I’m going to do to you when I’ve beaten you to a pulp,” start down that path. Hell, every so often there’s the pretty explicit dialogue about how a victor will fuck his cowed conquest like the spoils of war. And, all that I just said on the first hand notwithstanding, I fucking get off on that.

trent — Trent Diesel sizes up the ass he just bought and paid for in his Naked Kombat bout with Gavin Waters

Of course Naked Kombat pretty much is all about sexual domination as the spoils of erotic wrestling. But there’s an implicit contract in the fighter’s opening introductions. They’re signing up for this. They know the stakes are win or be fucked, so it’s more like high stakes gambling than actual rape. The loser my not enjoy it, but the bitterness and brutality are mostly about the humiliation of the loss, not about being involuntarily fucked. And the more recent post-match testimonials almost always make explicit that the everyone involved had a grand old time.

Rusty Stevens and David Taylor made me forget they were being held at gunpoint in Wrestle Bait.

Can-Am has come pretty close to explicitly centering a narrative on wrestling as pretense for sexual assault. Their Wrestle Bait release made me check my political correctness credentials a few times, for example. The plot, as I remember, is that a sadistic jail guard (Jobe Zander) gets his psychojollies off on forcing inmates to wrestle for fuckstakes and freedom. Jobe literally holds a gun to their heads and coerces them to strip, beat the shit out of each other, and then have the winner force fuck the loser. If they don’t fight hard enough, he threatens to shoot them. So, guns turn me off. The threat of watching someone get shot turns me way off. The implication that the losers in each Wrestle Bait match are getting fucked against their will tugs at my conscience. But despite myself, even as I question my moral compass, I’ve pounded out dozens of times to that shit. In my defense, it was the first time I ever saw Rusty Stevens or David Taylor.

Logan Vaughn’s terror is evident once Lane Hartley plants him spread eagled in the ropes and gets into position to place kick his balls for a field goal in Hunkbash 15

But I don’t have to have boundaries crossed for the terror ingredient to spice up my favorite homoerotic wrestling fare. It’s the terror itself, rather than any questionable-consensual sex act, that’s the common thread. So when it dawns on one gasping hunk that he’s got no shot of winning, and in fact has a very good shot at spending a few nights in the hospital, and that recognition visibly washes across his face… fuck. When a sniveling pretty boy literally tries to flee the scene, crawling on his hands and knees in a primal effort to distance himself from his natural predator, I’m so sold. When he chokes and quivers on the fear, when he weeps and begs, abandoning all pretense to dignity, when he out and out screams because he’s certain he’s about to break for real, that will top me off every time.

Carter Alexander sells terror like a motherfucker in Great Outdoors 2, though I think he’s mostly just terrified Kid Karisma will stop pulling his hair (he likes that).

So today, I salute the homoerotic wrestling scream queens who toy with my moral compass and somehow shove their hands right down my pants by selling out and out terror as a device for propelling a wrestling match to a screaming, pleading, magnificent conclusion.

Reigning scream queen, bar none, Drake “don’t call me jobber” Marcos realizes the Trophy Boy may very well castrate him in Three-Way Thrash 4.

Keep me cumming, boys.

Bard’s Pilgrim Way – South (Part 1)

November 2, 2014November 2, 2014 wrestlebard4 Comments

drakefirst — My first glimpse of Drake Marcos was him sandwiched between Blaine Janus and Red Baron in a Kid Karisma photo.

It all started so swimmingly, when I first laid eyes on young Drake Marcos, prior to his on camera debut for BG East. He appeared in a mix of photos from Kid Karisma’s pics from a weekend of wrestling for BG East. I called out the then-unknown handsome stud; Drake reached out; I hit him up for an interview instantly; he repeatedly chided me during the interview for being too complimentary, too flattering, which was just not the case because I think the stud is devastatingly handsome. But somewhere, something went awry. Oh, let’s be honest, there was a very particular point at which Drake turned chilly toward me. It was when I was enjoying a threesome interview with both Drake and Mason Brooks, during which I commented that he has a fan following as a “sweet jobber.”

Inexplicably, Drake bristles at being called "a sweet jobber." — Inexplicably, Drake bristles at being called “a sweet jobber.”

drakesouthchristmas — Drake promised there was a special “present” just for me under his tree.

Of course, I thought I was being deferential, complimentary, even, when I asked young Drake about being a rising fan favorite jobber at BG East. Clearly, that’s not the way my question was received, however, because the Cheshire Cat’s irrepressible smile disappeared in an instant and the earnest grappler bristled. His string of early career squashes aside, Drake promised that he was honing his craft and improving every day and every match, and I should be prepared to bank on the promissory note that he would cash in the day he scored his first, decisive match victory. Then, of course, Drake made another promise last Christmas, apparently still bristling (though with that dimpled grin back on his handsome face), when he told me he had “a present” under his tree particularly for me to open.

In the subsequent months, more words were exchanged. A rookie no longer, Drake continued to issue the vaguely threatening invitation to come on down and see the “present” he was dying to deliver to me as, apparently, his chief blogger and critic. Critic!? Me?! I’ve been fawning over his Fugelsang-esque hot looks from before I ever knew his name or saw him in square cuts. However, no amount of deference or flattery could sway young Drake’s intent on unwrapping for me some of what he perceives to be retribution for my flagrant audacity in lauding his jobber cred.

Honestly, I’m not sure the young stud quite knew what to say when I pointed out a while back that I would be in the vicinity of BG East’s south campus around the same time he would this fall. The jobber stuttered more than a little, but caught in a web of his own making, Drake eventually agreed that the time had come to set aside childish taunts and schoolyard threats and sort out just what it was he felt obliged to “deliver” with a real, live, hot blooded homoerotic wrestling blogger standing in front of him.

drakesouth — Uh-oh, Drake. Online taunts and threats won’t help you now.

My recent rendezvous with Drake Marcos marked what feels like my second pilgrimage to the holy sites of homoerotic wrestling. My first pilgrimage I documented about 3 years ago, when I had an opportunity to spend time in the Boston area and even scored myself an invitation to visit the Boss himself where so much magic has happened and continues to happen. Not nearly so perversely hotheaded or constitutionally delicate as his online persona, this pilgrimage to BG East’s Florida campus was hosted by a genuinely gracious Drake Marcos who devoted a ton of time and attention to showing me the holy sites while other BG East regulars all happened to be out of town.

south — How much hotness has set that pool boiling!?

Prior to opening their newest wrestling facilities in the area, many BG East Florida matches were filmed at a particularly picturesque, canal-side bungalow with a screened in pool and carefully kept gardens. The grounds themselves pulse with the echoes of so many beautiful BG East boys posing dockside.

south2 — Echoes of hot hunks sunning on the dock and wrestling in the backyard were everywhere.

I had a momentary impulse to lick the very palm tree that vicious Bobby Horton momentarily tied Mitch Colby to in Backyard Brawls 5, bashing the fitness model fantasyman like a tormented St. Sebastian, before Mitch turned that shit right back around and threw Bobby to the grass, flexing his hot, muscled, tanned body in the young hunk’s face.

mitchsouthpalm — Mitch Colby and Bobby Horton made the most of the landscape.

south4 — So much hot BG East wrestling and domination have occurred here!

kvsouthpool — Kid Vicious rocks Lobolito in the pool

We know the matches that have taken place in that pool and poolside, including this summer’s Wet & Wild 7 tourney which earned fiercely hot Trey Dixon July’s homoerotic wrestler of the month title here at neverland. Lobolito got the full-on Kid Vicious bash-rinse-repeat cycle in Wet & Wild 4, tortured with such an exquisite intensity in those same waters that I swear I could almost hear the screams of pain still echoing off the pool deck (seriously, has KV ever looked hotter than muscled up and dripping wet in that match!?).

So many sizzling matches have taken place on wrestling mats set up poolside, such as Kid Karisma dragging Christian Taylor’s lovely, long body in, then out of the pool in Wet & Wild 5, working Abercrombie-boy Christian over until both studs had to retire indoors for Kid K to savor the spoils of victory in air conditioning. I’ve spent so many hours watching footage from that screened in pool that it felt like I was cozying up in profoundly familiar surroundings.

dereksouthsunroom — I stood right here where Mitch & Derek tore each other up!

And speaking of those indoors, I also got a long, lingering look at the sunroom, the site of a dizzyingly hot catalog of matches that are never far from the top of my cue. Right here’s where Mitch Colby and Derek da Silva, one of the hottest combinations in history, absolutely crushed one another’s balls until both were writhing in pools of sweat and ecstasy in Crotch Crushers 1. Here’s where Mitch also confronted the only wrestler to compete with him as the longest running title holder of my favorite homoerotic wrestler title, Rusty Stevens, leaving me apoplectic for weeks afterward with the sheer hotness of the score settling in Breaking Point. BG East fans will be unsurprised to hear me say that the sunroom is tight quarters. Most every sunroom match I’ve seen has involved catching inadvertent glimpses of the film crew reflected in the wall of mirrors on one end. There’s an architectural intimacy that I think explains why just about any pairing of hardbodied hunks there has an extra hit of sexual tension.
Drake was ridiculously charming, solicitous even as we toured the place. I was beginning to think the young buck’s bluster and ballyhoo online was thinly veiling a genuinely sweethearted gentleman. He was kind and attentive, anticipating my questions and interests, playing a gracious host and placing my need to reverentially soak in the setting of so many homoerotic wrestling fantasies deliberately and lingeringly at the forefront of his priorities. In other words, it wasn’t long before I was convinced all over again that young Drake Marcos was, indeed, a dyed-in-the-wool, hardwired, cradle-to-grave jobber, through and through. However, when the tour continued on to the newest BG East facilities not far away, I started to suspect that there may, indeed, be more to this adorably dimpled Cheshire Cat.

Giving It a Shot

July 7, 2011July 1, 2013 wrestlebard3 Comments

I haven’t talked about it much, but it’s not exactly a secret that I’ve occasionally been invited to write text for new releases on the BG East website. I’ve felt incredibly privileged to be given the opportunity to contribute a small piece to the industry that has inspired, provoked, and aroused me for so long. I had to think about it carefully the first time I was asked, though. My primary relationship to homoerotic wrestling is as a consumer and fan. I have incredible respect for the hard working hunks in front of and behind the camera making this business fly, but I’m very conscious of the fact that my investment in each new release is very different from those who climb into the ring, slam one another down to the mat, or busily work the booking, payroll, production and delivery of the wrestling entertainment that shows up like magic in my mailbox. I wrestled (metaphorically) with feelings of insecurity, concerned that my text might not do justice to the intimate athleticism, artistry, and livelihoods wrapped up in each match. In the end, I conceded to “give it a shot,” seeing whether I could bridge the distance between my wrestling fantasy consumption and my relatively mechanical skills in stringing together words and metaphors (you know how I love my metaphors), and manage to contribute materially to the production of homoerotic wrestling.

Giving it “a shot” has continued with some frequency since that first match I wrote. With each new copy I generate, I feel a profound humility. I’m not just being modest. While I’ve received affirmation of my writing skills from many different corners of my life, I grapple with deep down feelings of inadequacy each and every time I write marketing materials. Happily, BG East edits my text to smooth out the rough edges, accentuate the particular appeal of each match, and correct my grammar and spelling. Despite my moments of anxiety, I’ve never had text returned to me as unworthy. When it’s polished and published, I inevitably assess the final product better than I thought it was when it was fresh on the page. As of very recently, I’ve continued to be invited to participate in generating copy for BG East new releases. And each time, I think carefully, gauging the distance between my investment as a homoerotic wrestling consumer and the blood, sweat and tears (I like the tears… more tears in homoerotic wrestling, please!) that go into the painstaking work of producing hot, hard, high quality wrestling.

Aside from what it is I’ve been able to contribute to the homoerotic wrestling industry, writing copy for the BG East website has also had an impact on me. I sweat out every dot and tittle, so whenever I’m handed a new release to write, everything else (blog posts, my original homoerotic wrestling fiction, my “real life” work) gets sidelined for a while. However, it’s also afforded me the opportunity to review some truly awesome wrestling matches before almost anyone else has, and it’s introduced me to some incredibly skilled and arousing wrestlers who might not have otherwise caught my eye and commanded my attention. It’s also sensitized me (even more than I was already) to the hot copy that other authors write for homoerotic wrestling marketing materials, and I’m certain that it’s made me a better writer (every time I share text under any circumstances, I learn more about the art). I’ve been delighted to virtually meet a few of the creative minds behind the scenes, who, I am delighted to report, have been remarkably gracious and generous to work with.

I consider myself as someone still trying this gig out. I continue to think carefully about what I’m able to contribute and how writing marketing copy impacts my enjoyment of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. Perhaps the time will come when the invitations to write stop coming my way. Maybe I’ll hit the wall someday, and decide that I just don’t have it in me to write marketing text any longer. But for now, when the invitations come my way, I still experience a thrill that I may have something worthwhile to offer, that my words might be of value to the industry from which I receive so much pleasure. I suspect that the next time I’m asked, I’ll probably feel that familiar wave of excitement laced with pangs of insecurity, and I’ll say once again, “Sure, I’ll give it a shot.”

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

June 1, 2011July 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

Once again I face that delightful dilemma of too many top tier contenders for who, in my opinion, is homoerotic wrestler of the month. Seriously, you can’t swing a dead cat without smacking a half dozen gorgeous, grunting, fully committed homoerotic wrestling gods in their sweat soaked faces. BG East’s new catalog came out, so inevitably they are packing the contenders list, considering my tastes. I’m completely captured by muscle gods Dev Michaels and Marco Carlow from Motel Madness 11, and I admit to being caught off guard by how irrepressibly turned-on I am by Torvik Tirva’s beatdown on Brad Flash. Both Aqua and Angelo Blanco from Masked Mayhem 8 are instant contenders, with a special note of appreciation for the extra helping of the homoerotic in this homoerotic flesh fest. I’m putting Mitch Colby on alert that a fantastically sexy lightweight by the name of Skrapper has his sights set on knocking Mitch out of the top contender spot for my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy title, as well as easily claiming top contention for homoerotic wrestler of the month for his work in Undagear 17. Rio Garza and Christopher Bruce from match 2 of that same DVD are both getting nods from me as well, and I can’t help but note that Rio is in absolutely jaw dropping physical form. I’m deeply moved by performances from BG’s Bad Boys 2, including Dick Rick, as well as the dynamic twosome of Jonny Firestorm and Bobby Horton from match 3. It’ll be no surprise to regular readers that both Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) and Lon Dumont are in the pool of contention for their respective matches in Gut Bash 8. Trent Diesel, my reigning homoerotic wrestling pornboy, worked his gorgeous ass off this month for Naked Kombat, delivering a humiliating beatdown on hardbody rookie Gavin Waters two (count them, two!) times, first in singles competition and then partnering with astonishingly doe-eyed Matt Singer in crushing and humiliating Gavin and sexy thug Nikko Alexander, who I’m also giving a nod for also doing double-time, earning a pony ride underneath babyface Singer a couple of weeks after he spanked and fucked twink Noah Brooks. Tyler Reeves and Max Powers grab my attention in the RockHardWrestling ring this month, and from Thunder’s Arena, I’m nominating Cody Nelson for clawing the fuck out of Bam Bam’s pecs in Bodybuilder Battle 29 as well as for tweaking my brother-on-brother erotic fantasies against his “little” bro, Troy Nelson, in Mat Wars 29.

May set the table for a truly phenomenal homoerotic wrestling feast. To pick just one is, as always, just a little torturous. Never one to shy away from a little punishment, I’ve thought about this long and hard. I nearly copped out and pronounced another tie, but by a hairs breadth, I’ve settled on one homoerotic wrestler who claims the title of my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Meet my new homoerotic wrestler of the month…

BG East’s Jonny Firestorm.

Several readers had thoughts and comments about the difference of opinions that Joe and I expressed over BG East’s last catalog release. Somehow, the world feels back on its axis now that we’ve returned to the 97.3% of agreement that Joe and I share in our homoerotic wrestling tastes and preferences. I couldn’t agree with him more, in fact, when he announced a few weeks ago that Jonny and Bobby Horton’s match in BG Bad Boys 2 is destined to be a classic. I love this match, and I’m crazy for both Jonny and Bobby from start to finish.

The success of this match for me is comprised of dozens of small, potent moments. The opening posedown has me laughing and adjusting my crotch at the same time, as “little” Jonny works extra hard to measure up next to an opponent of equal fitness and an additional 7″ in height. These delightful, small potent moments also include Jonny’s brutal wedgie on Bobby early on, baring Bobby’s beautiful buttocks for an over the knee spanking. Equally potent and provocative, Bobby nearly shreds Jonny’s silver trunks in a retribution wedgie later on.

I’m delighted and completely turned on by the bright, bright red palm prints that rage for minutes across Bobby’s beautiful pecs as a result of Jonny’s go-to chest smack.

It’s a small thing, I know, but I’m thrilled by the spine busting hip toss that whips big Bobby out of the corner with such velocity that it knocks his vanity mask sideways.

Someone else may not give a damn, but both of these boys catch air, and the brutal ballet that is 6’2″ Bobby soaring for miles on this way to splashing down brutally, crushing 5’5″ Jonny helplessly in the corner is incredibly satisfying. This is such a hot battle of fresh young heels that, truthfully, I nearly relented and named both Bobby and Jonny co-homoerotic wrestlers of the month (which would have pushed Bobby into the extremely elite category of being a 2-time title holder). But as entertainingly as both of these bad boys tell a story and sell their sadistic characters, Jonny has the razor’s edge for my affections here. It may be his head butt into Bobby’s abs as the big boy was still trying to recover, flat on his back, from a barrage of stomps. Perhaps it’s Jonny’s softball-size biceps, which are likely no bigger than Bobby’s but on his smaller frame simply look gargantuan. Maybe it’s my secret fetish for the little guy who overcomes the first-glance odds to power back and prevail over a much bigger opponent.

For all these and so many more truly outstanding elements in a start-to-finish thrilling pro wrestling match with precisely enough kink to make my ears buzz, and for Jonny’s undeniable athleticism, shredded fitness, incredible salesmanship and sweet-n-bitter delivery that leaves me laughing one minute and 100% aroused the next, I’m very satisfied that I’ve selected the right man for the job. My reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month could be no one other than BG Bad Boy Jonny Firestorm.

The Spice of Life

September 3, 2010July 1, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Pyschology Today (via Towleroad, to me) has an interesting piece on the racial diversification of gay male porn over the past 3 to 5 years. Psychology Today is sort of like light beer… all packaging and marketing without much really satisfying inside. But I like the connections that the article draws between identifying what gay men find attractive and broader socio-demographic trends in racial politics.

As for me, I’m 100% in favor of more diversity. As a born-and-bred middle class suburban white boy, I was raised with deeply engrained, implicit lessons that chisel-chinned white boys are the physical ideal. Happily, just like other sexual tastes and attentions, I’ve since discovered that beautiful boys of all sorts of complexions offer treasures of objectified lusts.

I don’t really spend much of my time or money in the gay porn world, sans wrestling. It’s one long yawn for me. But even in the wrestling kink corner of homoerotica and porn, I think that we’re seeing more racial diversity and less a need to fetishize racial diversity, at the same time, which I think is a good combination.

Whereas it wasn’t long ago that products were prominently marketed that specifically catered to the tastes of those looking for cross-racial wrestling, these days when opponents reflect different racial-ethnic backgrounds, it most frequently goes uncommented on. In most cases, I think that’s progress. My homoerotic wrestler of the month, Bobby Horton, is a white guy who came into possession of that title on the merits of his smokin’ hot, edge-of-insanity dismantling of bodybeautiful muscle god, Tyrell Tomsen. I’m sure for many people still, a battle like that continues to be first and foremost a morality play in contemporary racial politics. And, true enough, the white boy delivers a beat down and humiliating defeat of the physically dominant black hunk, which stands in a long tradition of white fantasy about subduing and possessing the physical threat from men of color. But as far as I read the text (and I’ve been happy to read and reread that text over and over again to enjoy Bobby’s delightful performance) the story that’s primarily told is really about the battle between the beauty of brawn and the cunning of ring savvy. If anything, Tyrell plays the role of the refined, sculpted, entitled muscle god to Bobby’s crazy-ass, brutish, uncivilized short-cutter. I realize that this doesn’t eliminate the racial politics that play out in the homoerotic wrestling ring, but it screws with expectations and long-held prejudices enough to be at least resistant toward white privilege, if not entirely dismantling of it.

BG East has been promoting a lot of Latinos lately, and that’s 110% just fine with me. If white Eurocentric privilege managed to keep the likes of Rafe Sanchez (mmmm…. Rafe….), Rio Garza and Lobolito off of my shelf, my life would be much less entertaining.

Can-Am has been tossing the likes of Michael Vineland, Max Munoz, and yes, Rio Garza onto the mats, making their typically-happy-ending wrestling formula much more diverse than it may have been at one time.

Naked Kombat frequently puts up men of color, like recent battlers Jack Hammer, Derek Reynolds and Race Cooper. It’s not all one formula for fetishing the racial composition of the match, by any means. Depending on the fighters on any given day, Naked Kombat’s wrestlers of color end up battling each other or white guys, and they end up on top or on bottom with seemingly similar frequencies.

I’m intentionally taking a look at Thunder’s Arena with fresh eyes lately, particularly after reading the very enjoyable interview that Joe did with Mr. Mike and Ace Hanson at Ringside at Skull Island recently. Young stunner rookie AJ looks like another case in point of the expanding pool of skill and beauty to which homoerotically-inclined wrestling is turning.

More is better… variety is the spice of life… the pithy sayings go on and on to explain why it is that all of this is a very good thing. Still, I think we need to keep an eye on the way that racial politics play out even in (especially in) our erotic fantasies. I know, I know. It’s a buzz kill. But it also reveals something about what we believe down deep, how we live, and underneath any socialization or commitments to political correctness, how we picture ourselves in relation to racial difference. I like where things seem to be heading, and I think that we would all do well to remember where we’ve been, and the ways that racism have long played a major role in dominant homo-culture, much less hetero-culture, in the past forty years.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

August 31, 2010July 1, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Trent Diesel’s reign as my homoerotic wrestler of the month is coming to a close. I’m still rooting for more wrestling action from the prime time porn boy, at which point he might make another -of-the-month appearance, or he could seriously make a run in my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy rankings. In the mean time, time marches on. New releases this month have been pretty abundant, particularly for the lean months of summer. BG East released the second half of their catalog 83 new releases, including some notable performances by Rio Garza & Reese Wells, Bobby Horton & Tyrell Tomsen, and an impressive 1-on-2 beatdown by Donnie Drake. Naked Kombat put up 4 contenders, including a pretty damn tasty oil match debut for one hard, compact little bundle of hot muscle, Sami Damo. I’m too confused to track the timing of Can-Am’s to-disc releases, so I’m just going to count their Max subscription releases as new to me, since that’s where I’m getting most of my Can-Am fix lately. As a result, I’m tossing in the first few scenes from Arena 4, Toy Fights, and Jobe Zander vs. Aryz Quinn Director’s Battle as contenders. If you’re keeping count, Aryx Quinn is in all three of these Can-Am releases, which brings to mind my comments about Rio Garza’s overexposure recently. But in the interest of keeping the peace, I’ll just let it pass. Did I miss any new releases?

Well, without further ado… my pick for reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is Bobby Horton.

A major factor in my selection of Bobby is how he came completely out of the blue to shock me into awed respect. The last time I caught sight of Bobby, Mitch Colby’s balls were wresting on his chin in Backyard Brawls 5. While I was jealous of that position, I really didn’t take much note of Bobby (my eyes were all over Mitch).

Well, Bobby’s come a long way, baby. Storming the ring against muscleboy Tyrell Tomsen in BG East’s Ring Rookies 3: A Heel is Born, Bobby grabbed hold of my attention with both hands, shook me around a bit, slapped my ass and absolutely made me sit up and take notice.

Bobby emerges as an out-and-out freak in this bout with Tyrell. A screw shook loose somewhere along the way (perhaps in getting manhandled by the drop dead gorgeousness of Mitch), and Bobby is wrestling like he just doesn’t care who he hurts any more. Wait, I take that back… Bobby is wrestling like he cares just a little too much about hurting just about anyone. He’s a little maniacal, a lot sadistic, and he moves like a work of pro-style art.

Not to give it all away, but Bobby is the one mentioned in the subtitle of this match. He’s getting some major kicks thwarting the overwhelming power of Tyrell and, in turn, laying some devastating hurt on the big man. He also takes as good as he gives, but it’s the give that really turned me into a Bobby fan this month. Bobby’s in the nonpornboy ranks (so far… I can always dream), but he brings plenty of kink with him to his beatdown on Tyrell. He’s got the moves. He’s got a hot, made-for-pro, rough and tumble body. And now that he’s got a balls-out giant-killer lust to lay down some hurt, I say he’s the total package. Bring on some more Bobby!

Going Crazy

August 4, 2010July 1, 2013 wrestlebard3 Comments

Is it my imagination, or is BG East pumping out new releases (so to speak) with increasing frequency? I like the more frequent release of matches, and I love the on demand options. It holds my flea-like attention span better, and it more efficiently satisfies my need for instant gratification.

Speaking of gratification, have you seen Bobby Horton’s schooling of Tyrell Tomsen yet? This is another one of the moments when I’m happily surprised to discover that the “other guy” in the match turns out to be my new fixation. When it comes to Tyrell, I love studying his body nearly as much as Tyrell loves studying his body. I can never get enough of his naked ass in Strip Stakes 1. He’s got a beauty and a power that’s simply fantastic. I was drawn to Ring Rookies 3 to get a little Tyrell fix. What I found was Bobby Horton grabbing hold of my crank with both hands and turning it like a champ!

This is a classic tale of muscle/power/beauty versus speed/guile/skill. Both wrestlers do a nice job of telling this tale, and I’m sucked along for quite a while, unsure exactly who I’m hoping most will come out on top. I’ve only seen one other bout with Bobby, when he lays down a punk’s challenge to Mitch Colby (back when Mitch was still ranked my #1 favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy). But against Tyrell, Bobby opens up a pro-wrestling clinic that convinces me that he is much, much (much) more than a long-haired, bright-eyed-and-convinced-of-his-own-youthful-invincibility surferboy. He’s quick, decisive, and he pieces together some high class moves that take me completely by surprise.

His frequent low-class moves are actually just as entertaining, frankly. Bobby does exactly what it takes to neutralize Tyrell’s superior strength and momentum, and then he does quite a bit more to make the big man suffer. When Bobby refuses to accept Tyrell’s second fall submission until he uses the word “quit,” I gain an entirely new respect and lustful attraction for Bobby. He has a slightly-psychotic laugh that bubbles up with increasing frequency throughout this match, as he takes obvious delight in watching his bodybuilder boy opponent laid low and hurt. He wants to not only defeat Tyrell. He wants to hurt him, and to take a nice long time watching the muscle hunk writhe on the ground, suffering.

Finally, there’s just something that takes my breath away when a massive, gorgeous, cocky bodybuilder is laid out helplessly, and his smaller opponent poses proudly over top of him. Bobby’s not nearly as big as Tyrell, though there’s nothing at all unaesthetic about Bobby’s beautiful muscles. His biceps aren’t even close to being as thick and meaty, and his pecs look nearly adolescent (if you were a gym bunny as an adolescent) by comparison. But when Bobby struts and preens, flashing a double bi and crunching out a most muscular, his sliced up muscles are exactly what the doctor ordered. He sells that incredible moment where the massive bodybuilder can only look up in shock and disbelief as his punk-ass heel opponent shows him the trim fighting-machine that brought him to his knees. I’d like to lobby for more of sadistic, gorgeous Bobby as heel in the ring, taking more BGE hardbodies by surprise and humiliating them with sadistic, gleeful satisfaction! Who’s next!?

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