October was not the best month in homoerotic wrestling history for me, as a viewer. One reason for this fact is that I was crazy busy, as evidenced by the sparse posting here. But of the new release homoerotic wrestling I did watch in October, I have to say nothing grabbed me with a passion that I typically enjoy when I make a Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month designation. There are some hot hunks who I’m keeping my eye on, who had matches in October, but even when I went back to check the record and dig into the October new releases I missed in real time, it felt like way too much of an effort to justify naming a HWOTM among them. So for just the second time (that I can remember), I’m leaving the title unclaimed for October.
However, with that vacancy, I’m exercising my authorial prerogative to anoint two HWOTM title winners for November. Before you bitch and moan about this being some miscarriage of justice, please see my extensive comments throughout the years reminding you that this is my blog. I make the rules. I break the rules. Today, I lift up the first HWOTM title winner for a November new release…
There are so many reasons Kid K remains my favorite homoerotic wrestler, topping that chart for, I believe, longer than anyone else ever has. When he squares off in the ring against Jobe Zander in Bulge Battles 1, Kid K is physically as on point as ever. Every angle of this muscled Adonis is perfection, as far as I’m concerned. You know the Besties are just around the corner, and it should come as little surprise that I’m lobbying hard to Kid Karisma to repeat his Best Body win from last year.
There’s something particularly tasty about the contrast between Kid Karisma’s perpetually precise physical perfection and his extravagant, color-outside-the-lines ring persona. When Jobe takes an initial advantage and starts immediately choking him across the rope, Kid K reverses, tosses the loudmouth into the corner, and shoulder blocks the fuck out of his gut with those gargantuan deltoid muscles of his. Trapped in the corner, Jobe bitches, “You are disobeying all the rules of conduct,” which I think could be the tagline to every Kid Karisma match ever. He’s impeccably detailed and recklessly raucous, both. Kid K is lusciously pretty when it comes to still frame aesthetics, and willfully ugly when it comes to overwhelming brutality.
Bulge Battles 1 is not a typical Kid Karisma match, however, because Jobe is not your typical opponent. For that matter, this is not your typical Jobe Zander. Jobe has been dragging around that growing chip on his shoulder for his past several matches, which is understandable. He gets precious little respect. He’s a sensational wrestler and much larger than life showman, absolutely tailor made for the pro ring. But his incredible assets are repeatedly overlooked once he inevitably lets his out of control ego and self-infatuation with his dick distract him from sealing the deal. It’s as predictable as gravity. Jobe is going to dazzle and destroy, but in the end, he’ll get humiliated due mostly to his own unforced errors. But in Bulge Battles he’s more decisive than ever. He’s more confident than cocky, which is something I’m sure I’ve never seen before from him at BG East. A few minutes of hard back and forth action, and I’m totally buying the story that Kid K is in for one of his toughest matches, and Jobe could very well finally, at long, long last, revive his abysmal match record.
To be clear, I passionately love watching Kid K in the driver’s seat. That said, as he takes harder and harder knocks from Jobe and suffers harder and harder, I am so turned on. It’s not that I stop pulling for my favorite wrestler to win, but I’m thrilled to see the deep, dark hole Jobe is digging for him to try his best to climb out of. When Jobe drives Kid K face-first into the mat and than starts stomping the living fuck out of those massive rugby thighs, there’s such a sweet look of panic on KK’s face as he literally crawls across the mat. He yanks down Kid K’s knee pad and digs his knuckles into the ligaments. Finally, an opponent has cottoned on that if Kid K can’t walk, all of that gargantuan power he has packed into his legs lies useless. Jobe manhandles one of the most dominant muscle hunks in competition with authority, bringing tears to KK’s eyes in crotch pillow headscissors. He shoves KK’s terrified face into the Centerpiece, finally putting that insanely proportioned package to its offensive advantage.
Jobe’s stock price is skyrocketing the more he’s plowing Kid K under. But honestly, Kid K’s stock price, already at record highs for me, is steadily rising as well, because he suffers in a pool of his own sweat and tears so poignantly. When Jobe twists him into a pretzel in a Boston crab, Kid K lets out a wounded scream of anguish. Jobe likes the sound, so he reaches down and claws the fuck out of KK’s balls and demands to hear more screams. Incredibly, Kid K obeys. It’s not like it’s a voluntary choice. He’s just selling this epic vulnerability at the hands of a shockingly dominant opponent that magnificently. I am actually putting the odds of even Kid K pulling out a come from behind victory at less than 50:50 at this point in the match. Against Jobe. What the fuck?! This is such sweet suspense!
Just when Jobe is bullying him with complete control, throwing him into the ropes and impaling Kid Karisma’s sensational six-pack with his knee, KK soars into a gorgeous flying drop kick. It’s a total gut check reversal of fortune that makes me cheer out loud. KK is far from being out of the woods. Just when he’s dangling his own but of meat in Jobe’s face, Jobe abuses his balls viciously. It’s not a turn on a dime scenario, but a gritty, mean, ego bruising back and forth that’s so compelling to watch. Kid K is back in it, giving and taking, and I’m giving him a 70:30 likelihood of pulling this out in the end, which is still shocking, when you check their relative careers.
In the end, Kid K pulverizes Jobe. The cocky humiliation in the final moments is so much sweeter having watched Kid K on the brink, having seen Jobe literally spank his world class ass. It’s not just my cock giving a standing ovation as Kid K pries apart Jobe’s legs and slapping the fuck out of Jobe’s big balls. He wedgies Jobe’s trunks and spanks his sweaty ass in sensationally sweet retribution.
“Pretty boys rock,” Kid Karisma explains in the fading moments of this match. And all of the grief I get for crushing on pretty boys feels redeemed. This match answers the age old question of what happens when a jobber with one of the biggest cocks in the business faces a heel with the tastiest muscle butts in the world. And that answer is that pretty boys rock. Congratulations to my first 5-time HWOTM title winner and still reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma.