Wall of Meat

Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens v Marcus “Titan” Ruhl
Having recently been wooed back to dishing out cash to watch pornboys wrestle for fuck stakes over at Naked Kombat, I’ve been wondering if I’d regret it.  Honestly, I think this is the fourth time I’ve started a new subscription with NK, after being tempted beyond my power to resist, and then losing interest from either uninspired action or, most recently, their drastic roll back of new releases.  For what is arguably the most spontaneous homoerotic wrestling format in production, NK has at times veered into surprisingly formulaic territory.  Even the pornboys can start to look alike and blur in my memory.  And then there’s this week’s new release: Marcus “Titan” Ruhl v Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens.
Marcus “Titan” Ruhl – 5’11”, 200 pounds, first time on NK
It’s as if NK read my recent post on my on-again/off-again infatuation with twinks and dropped 5’11”, 200 lbs Marcus “Titan” Ruhl in my lap and dared me to try to even think about, much less lust over a twink.  Holy shit, this kid looks huge!  They claim he’s just 5 pounds heavier than pectacular Jeremy Stevens, but I tell you that’s bullshit.  Jeremy looks incredibly fuckable, as always, and I could get lost for days finding more crevices to grind on Mr. Stonewall.  But rookie Ruhl is nothing short of a sex gladiator muscle beast!
Marcus Ruhl looks like he’s trying to decide whether to jump Jeremy from behind in the middle of “Stonewall’s” pre-match testimonial.
In the pre-match interview, Jeremy tries to talk trash by referring to Ruhl as “just a wall of meat,” which sort of strikes me like saying his opponent is “just going to kick my ass.”  Typically, NK boys remain stonefaced in the background when their opponents are doing their pre-match testimonials, but Ruhl can’t keep a straight face.  Jeremy’s prediction of climbing that wall of meat and making him his bitch makes me snicker a little, too.  Has he even looked over his shoulder at the beast behind him!? Marcus’ rookie testimonial presents his sexy, deep-throated accent along with his contemptuous sneer as he (again, atypical of NK) looks over his shoulder and rolls his eyes at the finger-food appetizer behind him trying to throw back his shoulders and not look like he’s already doing spinchter exercises in preparation for getting plowed.  “What do I think of my opponent?” Ruhl muses.  “I bench press more than him.  He’s going to get it.”

Marcus Ruhl starts to give it to instantly winded Jeremy Stevens.

In one of the worst first rounds I’ve seen, Jeremy not only doesn’t climb that wall of meat as predicted, he can’t even manage to earn more than 4 NK points.  Ruhl is just incredible to watch.  With each of his thighs about as thick as Jeremy’s waist, Marcus’ center of gravity is somewhere below his navel, which when you get a load of the insanely huge pecs and upper arms he’s sporting, should make you gasp.  He admitted in his testimonial that he has no formal combat experience, but he’s “been in a couple of street fights” (I pity the streets).  It shows, with some woodenness, lack of initiative, and bull-in-the-china shop approach to every hold and move.  But then again, when you’re a bull the size of Marcus Ruhl, a lack of finesse and technique can be forgiven.

Jeremy thinks he’s got the wall of meat pulled down, but Ruhl muscles back up again!

He’s all over Jeremy early going, and with that mass on top of him, Jeremy is worn out pushing the boulder uphill.  To start round 2, Jeremy tries to marshall the strategy he predicted would win him the match, swarming the wall of meat with speed, latching on legs and arms and dragging the massive man to the mat.  And then, as if to mock his opponent’s “wall of meat” comment, Ruhl muscles himself up to his knees, pauses, and then powers the rest of the way up to his feet with his 195 pound opponent still latched on.  Holy fuck, the power is mesmerizing, watching this happen not once, but twice, and perhaps Jeremy is mesmerized as well, because he loses further ground by the end of round 2, trailing the mighty beast 11 to 24.

Bulging muscles glisten in oil
As if to make certain I was paying attention, NK staged this match to climax (for me, anyway) with an all-nude oil wrestling round (I’m a proponent of more oil wrestling in today’s homoerotic wrestling scene).  Marcus’ already intoxicating body turns unbelievably even sexier with a liberal coat of baby oil making his bulges glisten under the overhead lights.  Again, I feel like I need to clarify that Jeremy is fucking stunning in oil as well.  But I have a hard time tearing my eyes away from the marinated wall of meat staring him down.

Jeremy Stevens runs headlong into a marinated wall of meat

Marcus Ruhl does not have a competition bodybuilder physique (and you know how hypnotizing I can find one of those in a wrestling match).  No, Ruhl’s incredible mass isn’t exactly pretty or aesthetically proportioned.  His dimpled ass jiggles a bit.  His head-to-toe meat is liberally marbled and succulent.  A big, bruiser football daddy like this does not always speak to me, but Marcus Ruhl’s baby oiled body is roaring out a scream that’s absolutely deafening.

Jeremy’s got the tiger by a mouthwateringly gorgeous tail!

All that mouthwatering mass Ruhl carries finally seems to slow him down, along with a difficulty keeping a handle on the slippery “little” fucker who seems to have an ever so slight edge in managing the lubricant.  The mighty man getting controlled, even briefly, including losing back points, getting wrapped up and made to struggle, is a little slice of heaven.

Grade “A” beef!
There’s a relentlessness about Ruhl that’s incredible to watch.  He promised to “steamroll” his “little” opponent, and there’s an inevitability about him when he works up even a moment of momentum.  Like trying to stop a landslide, Jeremy’s fucked long before round 4.  And there just isn’t an angle from which Ruhl’s oiled body fails to make me gasp.  His triceps require their own zip codes (each!).  His forearms could give Jonny Firestorm a run for his money (please).  And as incredible as is his upper body, it’s his ass and legs that are most astonishing for me.

Ruhl parks his truck on Jeremy’s chin
If he had just managed to snap those telephone poles around his opponent’s noggin, it would have been lights out for lovely Jeremy.  Really, scissoring those beasts around anything on his opponent would have surely ended in something broken or unconscious, leaving me screaming “headscissors!!!” at the screen throughout.  But no, not once does he seriously snap those soul-crushing thighs around anything.  Please, please someone pull this rook to the side and introduce him to the weapon of ass destruction that his body is! 
Cheek to cheek
Fortunately, Ruhl does plant those massive, motorboat-ready glutes down on Jeremy’s head, pinning the lucky bastard’s cheek to the mat and leaving him helpless to defend himself against Ruhl’s delight in squeezing and stroking Jeremy’s lovely cock.  Good god, talk about a rock and hard place!  This rook has serious potential that I’m praying to the gods of homoerotic wrestling will not be wasted on a one-hit wonder.  The meat dangling from his crotch is not one bit dwarfed by the wall of meat to which it’s attached, and the glimpses of snarky, sneering, I-will-plant-you-into-the-mat-like-a-walnut attitude convince me that this power hitter could strike terror into the hearts of young hopefuls in just about any homoerotic wrestling company that wooed him.

Superman in trouble?
And even then, when he’s technically in a bad way with Jeremy owning his back, threatening a quite literal rear naked choke, the concentrated power and poise in the dark haired gladiator is incredibly provocative.  If ever there was a body made for an erotic wrestling double-team, this has got to be it.  He’s got more than a little trouble staying focused with Jeremy’s mitt working the jackhammer, so just imagine the feast of putting another hungry grappler into the mix to scale the wall.  Both of these muscled studs can barely pry themselves off the mat in the waning seconds of the match, giving a very convincing look of hunks who’ve legitimately burned their tanks of gas.
Who’s meat now, bitch!?
Jeremy makes up major ground in round 3, but still is nowhere near digging himself out of the hole he earned in the first 2 rounds.  After time is called and they take neutral positions to await the announcement of the final score, Jeremy’s hot, rippled abs heave and puff like bellows.  The look of exhaustion, uncertainty, perhaps a touch of fear is impossible to miss on his face.  Ruhl just looks like he’s staring down a quarter-pounder after a 24-hour fast.  The official announces that Jeremy’s ass belongs to the Titan with a 32-27 victory.

The thrill of victory, the taste of defeat

Round 4 starts the way you expect if you’ve seen NK: a lingering, dominating blow job with the loser on his knees.  As for me, I tend to fast forward through this bit.  Watching a blow job is like indy car racing in my mind.  Yawns for 199 laps and then a shot of adrenaline when the white flag flies for the final lap.  Admittedly, rookie Ruhl keeps me entertained with some nasty face slapping across his conquest’s cheeks.  It starts a little playful, but damn, he really nails the blond bombshell a few times.  Both boys’ rods remain at full attention, so the corporal punishment laced oral is clearly turning all three of us on.

Full on muscle worship at Naked Kombat!

Making me think Ruhl may be a rookie-savant, he suddenly flings Jeremy’s face to the mat. “You know what?  Why don’t you get down there and worship this muscle-body, you loser!”  He slaps him in the face, adding, “like you mean it!”  Jeremy doesn’t actually have to be told twice.  Starting with Ruhl’s left foot, he licks and sucks slowly up that gargantuan leg.  And yet again, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I swear Ruhl’s body becomes several hundred times sexier with Jeremy’s obviously enthusiastic muscle worship session.  Inch by inch he climbs the wall of meat, his tongue flickering and stroking, tasting the incredibly sweet taste of defeat.  When he finally reached his vanquisher’s left nipple, Ruhl flexes his huge left bicep as Jeremy’s eyes are riveted by the sight.  Dropping his arm, still flexed, at his side, silently he commands his loser to worship it, and this time Jeremy doesn’t even have to be told once.  While the loser opens wide and bathes every inch of the upper arm with his tongue, Ruhl’s left hand slides across Jeremy’s muscled shoulders, squeezing and stroking appreciatively.  The mutual hunger at this point is simply a thing of beauty.

“I spent most of the time trying to get out from underneath the truck!”
Two big, aggressive muscleboys fucking works, of course.  When Ruhl forces Jeremy to climb on top of him and ride the beast, the blond bombshell can’t restrain himself.  He cums across that massive chest and sprays the winner in the face.  Marcus is none too flattered, flinging Jeremy off of him and returning the favor, with Jeremy obediently kneeling for the muscleman facial.  In the post-match testimonials, Ruhl claims that he’s never been muscle worshipped before, which is a crime against nature as far as I’m concerned.  “This is something I’m into now!” he says enthusiastically in answer to the question of whether he’d return for more matches at NK (I want a signed contract!).   Jeremy gets the last word about what it was like to battle the wall of meat.  “I spent most of the time trying to get out from underneath the truck!”  Most memorable moments from the mat, Jeremy?  “Both times I got behind him and he stood up!  That was pretty impressive!”
…to say the least…

Back for More

It looks like NK is back to their old production schedule, and I’ve been missing hard more pornboy mat competition, so I’ve rearranged my porn budget and signed back on.  Their newest match makes me a satisfied customer already.

Hayden “the Swank” Richards – 6′, 185 pounds

“I’m Hayden ‘the Swank’ Richards, 6-foot tall, 1 and 0… What I think about my opponent is that he’s a big bitch, and he has a lot of tattoos.  And I know these big guys; they wear out easily…. When I win, I’m going to toss his little bitch ass across the mat and fuck him hard and make him wish he never came to Naked Kombat.” Hayden’s handsome, boy-next-door material.  His reported 10 pound weight advantage looks bigger to me, just eyeballing the two of them.  He’s not carrying the muscle mass his “bitch ass” opponent is, but speaking of asses, Hayden’s got a world class one!

Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens – 6′, 195 pounds

“I’m Jeremy ‘Stonewall’ Stevens, 6-foot, 195 pounds, and my record is 1 and 1…. What do I think about my opponent? I think he looks like an oversized baby and I should probably put him down for a nap…. When I win, I’m going to teach this little man a lesson, shove my cock down his throat and really show him who’s boss.”  He’s blond and tanned.  He’s got scruff and tats, and incredibly beautiful pecs.  He looks like precisely the rough trade type to take a particular delight in spoiling a pale, pretty boy-next-door.

Swank says his plan is to ride his bigger opponent out and then blow past him in the 3rd round when Jeremy has exhausted himself.

NK is filmed this week in a club in Sacramento, clearly when patrons aren’t around.  However, there’s a row of spectators matside watching, including a couple of pornboys in NK gear, clearly waiting their turn to hit the mats.  Regular readers know how much I love erotic wrestling in front of a live audience!  The lucky boys at mat side cheer both boys on, clearly hungry for a competitive match.  The catcalls and whistles of appreciation for particularly humiliating moves sweetens the pot considerably for me.  Hayden says his strategy is to let his bigger opponent wear himself out in rounds 1 and 2 and then blow past him in round 3 for the victory, but clearly that’s just psych-out bullshit, because he’s all over Mr. Pectacular like a swarm of bees from the moment the first round starts.

Round 1: Hayden’s purported game plan of sitting back and letting Jeremy tire himself out was a ruse.  He’s ALL OVER Stonewall!

Hayden comes across as a bit of dick, I think.  Jeremy taps out early, complaining of a tweaked shoulder.  When the action resumes, Hayden instantly starts wrenching on said shoulder and repeatedly going back to full nelsons to work on the injured joint.  Hayden is the first one to strip his opponent out of speedo, but Jeremy returns the favor almost instantly.  I get the impression both of them were pretty eager drop the pretense of trunks, anyway.  The idea that “the Swank” was going to get outmuscled by his bigger opponent and then hope to wear Jeremy down over time quickly flies out the window.  Hayden’s faster, more skilled, and astonishingly outmuscles the big man over and over, powering his way to a 23-8 lead in NK points.  Jeremy smiles embarrassedly and looks up at the ceiling is shock.  That was supposed to be his round.  Muscles pumped from the round 1 action, suddenly Hayden doesn’t look so small or outclassed by Jeremy’s big muscles.

The jockstrap round goes a little better for big, beautiful Jeremy… not a lot, but a little.

One thing I love about NK is that you can watch the sweat slowly coating these hard hunky bodies as they huff and puff and work their asses off.  The boys are soaked by the end of round 2, the jock-strap (briefly) round.  Jeremy does little better than his first round efforts, standing at 21 points to the Swank’s 40 points.  Hands on his hips, sucking down air, the boy-next-door Hayden looks like one cocky, sexy bastard.  There’s no other way around it.  That pre-match testimonial suggesting he was prepared to get outmuscled in the first two rounds while Jeremy slowly tires out was all bullshit to misdirect his opponent.  “Stonewall” looks clearly demoralized and there’s still another round to go!

Hayden watches icily as Jeremy breaks face before round 3.

They start round 3 naked, on their knees, and fully erect.  They’re both sporting gorgeous, comparably sized cocks. Jeremy looks like he’s trying to summon some mojo, staring into his opponent’s eyes with renewed intensity.  Hayden stares back icily, barely contained contempt glimpsed from behind partially lidded eyes.  Just before the whistle blows to start the action, Jeremy’s game face breaks.  His feet twitch nervously, and a shit-eating grin breaks across his face.  It’s like he’s asking, “All fun and games, right?”  Hayden is like stone statue, pounding on the big stud’s battered ego before their bodies even touch in round 3.

Jeremy finally gets in position to use his weight to his advantage, crushing Hayden beneath his balls.

It’s Hayden whose pace slows in round 3, but he’s still more than up to the task of putting muscle-beauty Jeremy on his back, spanking his ass, and roughly stroking his cock until the big man groans.  It’s much more competitive, once the Swank is slowing down, but in the end, Jeremy can’t tally more than 36 points, not managing to rack up in 3 rounds what Hayden banked in the first two.  With a total of 49 points, the Swank goes undefeated.  “Down on your knees, bitch!”

Hayden can’t keep his hands off Jeremy’s meaty, hairy pecs.

Hayden force-feeds the muscleman his cock, controlling the pace with a handful of Jeremy’s dirty blond hair.  This is much less about domination than most other NK matches I’ve seen (new direction, or just a feature of Hayden’s victory lap?).  While the wrestling is what satisfies me, I will say that watching the Stonewall straddle the victor’s hips, slide Hayden’s cock inside, and ride him with such gusto that those lovely pecs bounce hypnotically is sweet icing on an already tasty cake. Hayden clearly enjoys not only the feel of his cock up the loser’s ass, but the feel of Jeremy’s hot, hard muscles in his hands as he strokes and squeezes the big man appreciatively mid-ride.

Single-leg cradle fuck.  Hell.  Yes.

Suddenly Hayden throws Jeremy off of him, flings him to his back with a single-leg cradle, and shoves his cock back inside in a very hot homage to the wrestling kinksters watching.  There’s a bit of trash talking, but Hayden enjoyed that sex way too much to convince me that he’s anything but in awe of the feel of the banished pornboy he beat.  After slapping down his victory load across Jeremy’s chest, he stands, plants his foot victoriously on Stonewall’s tasty pecs, and demands that the loser release, which Jeremy is clearly happy to do.

The winner at his cocky, shit-eating grin.  Well done, boys!

In the post-match interviews, victorious Swank marvels that the point spread was merely 13 points.  What a cocky bastard!  Asked at what point in the match did Hayden realize that he was definitely going to win, he thinks for a second and then says it was definitely the moment he walked in the room, saw his opponent, and thought, “oh, well, I may have to work for it.”  Jeremy concedes in his interview that he was completely surprised that his opponent was such a “strong little fucker!”

Make Me Feel It!

Another fine year has passed for me, and a new one is beginning today.  Birthday’s rock.  Love them, and not just because of the corporal punishment aspect of getting a swat on the ass for each year.  I’m treating myself to a day of doing absolutely nothing, so I’ll make this post brief.  Thanks for the well-wishes and offers to slap down a spank or two (or 42) or even the occasional offer of some birthday headscissors or an OTK backbreaker.  You all are damn sweet, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything… except possibly one of these guys below wailing away at my ass.
My pick last year for Spanker-in-Chief, Kid Karisma, gets his award winning ass tanned by Mike Martin in Sunshine Shooters 5
Missing my wrestling pornboys lately, so I’m back to enjoy watching swoonworthy Vance “The Vice’ Crawford slap down the spoils of victory on a bent-over Cameron Kincade.
Classic tormentor Dino Phillips relishes the sweaty slap of his hand on Peter Bishop’s trapped ass in X-Fights 11

Jeremy Stevens sets up shop all over Jessie Coulter’s muscle ass in Naked Kombat’s recent Muscle Match.

Possibly the sexiest pairing of asses includes Big Sexy smiling down at Cameron Mathews’ angry red ass as he wails away in Rough and Ready 21.