The thrill of victory; the agony of defeat…

Perhaps the defining difference between homoerotic wrestling and straightforward porn is the context (or pretense) of competition. I own exactly 3 porn products that contain no wrestling. I own about 180 homoerotic wrestling products, some of which contain fucking and some of which don’t. That pretty much paints by numbers where I stand with regard to what turns me on hardest. The one criticism I would level at most of the porn companies that have dabbled in wrestling themed products is precisely the same thing: they appreciate and spotlight far too little the element of competition in their race to get to the fucking. Domination, humiliation, control, ownership… these words densely populate the pages of neverland because I key off of that aspect of homoerotic wrestling that sucks me in with the drama of sport, the suspense of competition, and the explicit reference to the struggle for carnal domination.  Without it, or for whatever reason without enough of it, and I’ll hit that maybe two or three times in the average year.  With it, and I’m grabbing hold with both hands, oh, let’s say 3 times a day.

Naked Kombat’s Rod Daily puts his would-be rival in his place!

So when I noticed that Naked Kombat was advertising new matches starting in mid-August as elimination matches in a 10-man pornboy tournament, I was immediately extra-attentive! Neverland readers know full well the extensive role that a single-elimination wrestling tournament can have on my homoerotic imagination.  Competition, domination, control, winners becoming losers, beasts humbled… fuck, yes. With that in mind, I want to catch us all up on exactly what we know so far in the NK 10-man “Kombatant Tournment.”

Rod “the Real Deal” Daily mounts Tyler “the Assassin” Alexander – Naked Kombat August 14, 2013.

First of all, the brackets make no sense to me whatsoever, so we’re just going to roll with it and see if NK can see the through-story to the end. The first match pitted triathlon lean-meat Tyler “the Assassin” Alexander against raging bull beefcake Rod “the Real Deal” Daily. On face validity, I’d have said there’s no way that the Real Deal wasn’t going to carve up the Assassin for lunch and eat him raw. The bouncing pecs, the massive thighs, those tats, that Mohawk… I’ve most definitely pulled for a catchweight upender, with a little guy humbling his bigger opponent, but this time, I have to say I was pulling really hard for (on my) Rod. The final score was much closer than I’d have guessed it would turn out, but after 3 rounds and 30 minutes of kombat, it was a Blue: 31, Red: 24 spread, with Rod winning the day. The fact that this was not the squash I expected pleases me immensely.

Marcus “Titan” Rule drives home his domination of Jessie “Cut-Throat” Colter.

A week later, the second match in the tourney featured a huge, huge, huge infatuation that I’ve talked about before, 5’11”, 210 pound Marcus “Titan” Ruhl. That’s all you needed to say for me to do two things. 1) Drop down a wager on the telephone poles that Titan calls his thighs and cock, and 2) pound one out in nothing but anticipation.  Jessie’s a big, strong motherfucker, mind you, and I love his look, but there was more than a sense of “of course” about it when the final score was Blue:23, Red:37, with Marcus Ruhl yet again on top, in charge, and riding that train to victory.

Randall “the Rock” O’Reilly has Bryan “the Constrictor” Cole precisely where he wants him.

Week 3 of the tourney introduced me to two new lean pornboys, Randall “the Rock” O’Reilly and Bryan “the Constrictor” Cole. First blush, the Constrictor looks a little terrified and the Rock strikes me as a once-nelly-boy turned still-nelly-but-will-kick-your-ass wrestler. My knee jerk conclusion, go Rock!!! Tale of the tape after 3 rounds of elimination tournament competition? Blue: 20 points, Red: 29 points. Nelly-boy-goes-bully Randall delivers my satisfaction with my guilty pleasure: the cock-tuck pony ride!

Doug “the Destroyer” Acre knows how to keep a big man (Alex “the Axe” Axel) down!

OKay, that’s 6 of that 10-man elimination tourney accounted for. However, week 4 of the tourney and suddenly NK says this is the final elimination round. The aforementioned bewildering brackets show two beats mentioned here before, Hayden Richards and Landon Conrad, seemingly waiting like spiders for the semi-finals, which I have no idea how that makes sense. An 8-man tournament has better mathematical properties anyway, so either way, I’m not worried. Worried, however, is the look on 5’10”, 180 lbs. Alex “the Axe” Adams’ face as he stares down at little 5’6″, 150 lbs. Doug “the Destroyer” Acre. Perhaps it’s little wonder, since Alex has tasted defeat three times in a row at NK, and little Doug is undefeated. Blue: 36, Red: 25, Doug extends his undefeated streak by easily crushing a much bigger opponent!

So if the brackets are indicative of what actually unfolds, I’m guessing that Randy “the Rock” O’Reilly and Rod “Real Deal” Daily will go cock-to-cock in the next round, leaving Marcus “Titan” Ruhl and Doug “Giant Killer” Acre (yeah, I’ve redubbed him) to square off. I’m predicting Rod comes out way on top, with 30 pounds of low-slung beef advantage being far too much for nelly-boy-bully Randall to overcome. I also predict Randall loves every second of it.  The real match of this tourney, by far, I think, is the giant killer versus the giant. Doug Acre is a fucking mat master! Holy shit, he can work a big man hard, and there’s just about none bigger than Titan. I’m seriously torn here, because I can easily see either of these men plowing the other by the end of the day. But a 60 pound differential!? Holy shit, that sounds completely impossible, and just to put myself way out there on a limb, I’m still going to call it. 150 pound Doug Acre beats 210 Marcus Ruhl. That’s my prediction. And should that happen, a still of Doug fucking previously undefeated Titan into a dripping pool of sweat and cum will be guaranteed to be my next screensaver!

Whoever makes it that far, Hayden Richards is going to fuck. You. Up.

The brackets suggest that the winner of the Daily/O’Reilly match will face Hayden Richards, to which I say good-fucking-luck Rod. Hayden is a fucking badger, and you’re going to be little more than an appetizer.

Put Doug Acre underneath Landon Conrad, and let’s see what the giant killer can do with that staring him in the face!

And, if I’m reading this correctly, the winner of Ruhl v Acre will go against golden god Landon Conrad. In which case, having predicted that Conrad’s two-time nemesis Titan is knocked out before this point, I think Doug Acre could have run his luck to it’s natural end right around the time that Landon is oiling up that jackhammer and pounding the would-be giant killer’s hole, with every humiliated big man Doug’s owned on the sideline cheering him on.

Finally, the brackets may be suggesting that the tourney final match is not a singles competition at all, which seems a little silly to me. However, the promise of Hayden Richards having owned, then tag teaming with Rod Daily and competing against the team of Conrad and Acre is an incredibly sweet possibility. If I were batting 1000 by this point, then I’m giving the tag team climax without a doubt to Conrad/Acre, hands down. Rod’s the weak link, and Doug would tip the scales between Hayden and Landon their way.

I am a little dehydrated, just discussing the brackets. Homoerotic wrestling needs more of this!

Back for More

It looks like NK is back to their old production schedule, and I’ve been missing hard more pornboy mat competition, so I’ve rearranged my porn budget and signed back on.  Their newest match makes me a satisfied customer already.

Hayden “the Swank” Richards – 6′, 185 pounds

“I’m Hayden ‘the Swank’ Richards, 6-foot tall, 1 and 0… What I think about my opponent is that he’s a big bitch, and he has a lot of tattoos.  And I know these big guys; they wear out easily…. When I win, I’m going to toss his little bitch ass across the mat and fuck him hard and make him wish he never came to Naked Kombat.” Hayden’s handsome, boy-next-door material.  His reported 10 pound weight advantage looks bigger to me, just eyeballing the two of them.  He’s not carrying the muscle mass his “bitch ass” opponent is, but speaking of asses, Hayden’s got a world class one!

Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens – 6′, 195 pounds

“I’m Jeremy ‘Stonewall’ Stevens, 6-foot, 195 pounds, and my record is 1 and 1…. What do I think about my opponent? I think he looks like an oversized baby and I should probably put him down for a nap…. When I win, I’m going to teach this little man a lesson, shove my cock down his throat and really show him who’s boss.”  He’s blond and tanned.  He’s got scruff and tats, and incredibly beautiful pecs.  He looks like precisely the rough trade type to take a particular delight in spoiling a pale, pretty boy-next-door.

Swank says his plan is to ride his bigger opponent out and then blow past him in the 3rd round when Jeremy has exhausted himself.

NK is filmed this week in a club in Sacramento, clearly when patrons aren’t around.  However, there’s a row of spectators matside watching, including a couple of pornboys in NK gear, clearly waiting their turn to hit the mats.  Regular readers know how much I love erotic wrestling in front of a live audience!  The lucky boys at mat side cheer both boys on, clearly hungry for a competitive match.  The catcalls and whistles of appreciation for particularly humiliating moves sweetens the pot considerably for me.  Hayden says his strategy is to let his bigger opponent wear himself out in rounds 1 and 2 and then blow past him in round 3 for the victory, but clearly that’s just psych-out bullshit, because he’s all over Mr. Pectacular like a swarm of bees from the moment the first round starts.

Round 1: Hayden’s purported game plan of sitting back and letting Jeremy tire himself out was a ruse.  He’s ALL OVER Stonewall!

Hayden comes across as a bit of dick, I think.  Jeremy taps out early, complaining of a tweaked shoulder.  When the action resumes, Hayden instantly starts wrenching on said shoulder and repeatedly going back to full nelsons to work on the injured joint.  Hayden is the first one to strip his opponent out of speedo, but Jeremy returns the favor almost instantly.  I get the impression both of them were pretty eager drop the pretense of trunks, anyway.  The idea that “the Swank” was going to get outmuscled by his bigger opponent and then hope to wear Jeremy down over time quickly flies out the window.  Hayden’s faster, more skilled, and astonishingly outmuscles the big man over and over, powering his way to a 23-8 lead in NK points.  Jeremy smiles embarrassedly and looks up at the ceiling is shock.  That was supposed to be his round.  Muscles pumped from the round 1 action, suddenly Hayden doesn’t look so small or outclassed by Jeremy’s big muscles.

The jockstrap round goes a little better for big, beautiful Jeremy… not a lot, but a little.

One thing I love about NK is that you can watch the sweat slowly coating these hard hunky bodies as they huff and puff and work their asses off.  The boys are soaked by the end of round 2, the jock-strap (briefly) round.  Jeremy does little better than his first round efforts, standing at 21 points to the Swank’s 40 points.  Hands on his hips, sucking down air, the boy-next-door Hayden looks like one cocky, sexy bastard.  There’s no other way around it.  That pre-match testimonial suggesting he was prepared to get outmuscled in the first two rounds while Jeremy slowly tires out was all bullshit to misdirect his opponent.  “Stonewall” looks clearly demoralized and there’s still another round to go!

Hayden watches icily as Jeremy breaks face before round 3.

They start round 3 naked, on their knees, and fully erect.  They’re both sporting gorgeous, comparably sized cocks. Jeremy looks like he’s trying to summon some mojo, staring into his opponent’s eyes with renewed intensity.  Hayden stares back icily, barely contained contempt glimpsed from behind partially lidded eyes.  Just before the whistle blows to start the action, Jeremy’s game face breaks.  His feet twitch nervously, and a shit-eating grin breaks across his face.  It’s like he’s asking, “All fun and games, right?”  Hayden is like stone statue, pounding on the big stud’s battered ego before their bodies even touch in round 3.

Jeremy finally gets in position to use his weight to his advantage, crushing Hayden beneath his balls.

It’s Hayden whose pace slows in round 3, but he’s still more than up to the task of putting muscle-beauty Jeremy on his back, spanking his ass, and roughly stroking his cock until the big man groans.  It’s much more competitive, once the Swank is slowing down, but in the end, Jeremy can’t tally more than 36 points, not managing to rack up in 3 rounds what Hayden banked in the first two.  With a total of 49 points, the Swank goes undefeated.  “Down on your knees, bitch!”

Hayden can’t keep his hands off Jeremy’s meaty, hairy pecs.

Hayden force-feeds the muscleman his cock, controlling the pace with a handful of Jeremy’s dirty blond hair.  This is much less about domination than most other NK matches I’ve seen (new direction, or just a feature of Hayden’s victory lap?).  While the wrestling is what satisfies me, I will say that watching the Stonewall straddle the victor’s hips, slide Hayden’s cock inside, and ride him with such gusto that those lovely pecs bounce hypnotically is sweet icing on an already tasty cake. Hayden clearly enjoys not only the feel of his cock up the loser’s ass, but the feel of Jeremy’s hot, hard muscles in his hands as he strokes and squeezes the big man appreciatively mid-ride.

Single-leg cradle fuck.  Hell.  Yes.

Suddenly Hayden throws Jeremy off of him, flings him to his back with a single-leg cradle, and shoves his cock back inside in a very hot homage to the wrestling kinksters watching.  There’s a bit of trash talking, but Hayden enjoyed that sex way too much to convince me that he’s anything but in awe of the feel of the banished pornboy he beat.  After slapping down his victory load across Jeremy’s chest, he stands, plants his foot victoriously on Stonewall’s tasty pecs, and demands that the loser release, which Jeremy is clearly happy to do.

The winner at his cocky, shit-eating grin.  Well done, boys!

In the post-match interviews, victorious Swank marvels that the point spread was merely 13 points.  What a cocky bastard!  Asked at what point in the match did Hayden realize that he was definitely going to win, he thinks for a second and then says it was definitely the moment he walked in the room, saw his opponent, and thought, “oh, well, I may have to work for it.”  Jeremy concedes in his interview that he was completely surprised that his opponent was such a “strong little fucker!”