Searching for a Story

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Dave Markus and Doug Acre tangle in Movimus new(ish) release

I’m late to the party, I know, but I’ve only just had time to compose my thoughts about Movimus’ Doug Acre v Dave Markus. SP, Jose & Joe have already shared their notes, so you should check out their more timely thoughts.

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Gorgeous bulges on both boys!

First, I could watch Doug Acre stretching and warming up for another hour or so.  Knowing what he’s packing makes it only that much more provocative when he gives his bulge a vigorous tug after stretching out his gorgeous muscles.  There’s a reason Doug won the Naked Kombat Smackdown title this year.  The stud is a serious, seriously skilled wrestler.  His work on NK certainly demonstrates that, but the no (few) gimmicks setting of Movimus is like tossing a shark back into the ocean.  All wrestling, no hype, and I’m just not sure anyone is as competitive.

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Dave’s ass is one of the 7 wonders of the world, as far as I’m concerned.

Of course, Dave is a work of art as well.  That ass is stunning.   He looks like an Abercrombie poster come to life.  Watching how flexible and ripped his physique is takes my breath away, and that doesn’t even start to describe that gorgeous face.  Simply phenomenal, top to bottom, and then let’s stare at that bottom some more.

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Doug is on him like glue!!!

The action is intense, lot’s of heavy breathing, and Doug is relentlessly on the offense. The way he works his way into Dave’s guard is so subtly sexy and foreshadowing.  He’s like fly paper. The very moment Dave shoves one arm away, it’s like Doug is attached that much more tightly, working his way into a tighter and higher clinch on the Dave’s incredible physique.  When Dave counters, Doug seems that much more solidly cemented to him, maintaining stunning balance and control and accumulating what would be an eternity of riding time, if that was relevant.

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If only this were NK, and we could see Doug lick those luscious pecs!

I’m not sure what happens at the awkward scene cut around 13:45, but my hunch is that gorgeous Dave is sucking down too much air to keep going. His body may be trained to superhuman tolerances, but he’s wilting under the spell of Doug Acre.  When the action picks up again, Doug is back on his feet but nearly defenseless against the crashing waves of Doug’s controlling offense.  Just like that, Doug tosses the beauty to his back again.  Dave defensively squeezes body scissors with all his might.  And that’s a lot of might!  Look at the meat in this thighs flexing!  And it does appear to momentarily put the energizer bunny in slo-mo.  But Doug just…  keeps… coming.

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He is all over gorgeous Dave!

Again, I could watch bodies like these entangled like works of art for days, but what’s missing for me is personality.  When Dave starts grunting and flailing in a panic around the 16:45 mark, there’s some sweet, mostly silent drama that’s erotically charged.  But the action is so straight-up, so naked (metaphorically only, sadly) that the ferocity and hunger that we know of Doug’s NK work seems largely absent.  It’s a very simple tale that they tell.  Not to say that simple isn’t sexy.  I get off half a dozen times on that sexy sheen of sweat making Doug’s back glisten as if his entire body is getting lubed in preparation for a victory.  But it’s not an NK victory.   No lube is really called for.  It’s not a pro victory, with strut and narrative beyond just the fact that gorgeous Dave got out hustled and outmuscled by a smaller, more skilled technical wrestler, whatever the finish actually was.

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What it lacks in personality, it certainly compensates for with high class ass watching.

I’m a little fuzzy on how this match ends, because it simply stops mid-action. The web description says that it simply ends without a submission, but the editing seems odd to me (as in, why didn’t someone step into call the draw, or ring a bell, or.. something?).  It is, however, a foregone conclusion, barring some act of God, that Dave’s phenomenal ass would get beat and good, because although I never see him give up, he is completely outclassed.  I’d give a lot more to see these boys with more attitude, more story to tell, but even as is, it’s provocative fuel for a wrestling fetishist.

Davids and Goliaths

Lately, I’ve been drawn repeatedly to a few matches across different producers that keep calling me back. Suddenly, this afternoon, my mind abruptly saw an extremely obvious pattern that I was missing. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees (or the tree trunk thighs). Although it didn’t occur to me initially, each of these infatuation matches of mine has a quite apparent common factor: David vs Goliath.

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Naked Kombat’s Doug “the Destroyer” Acre (5’6″, 150 lbs) stares up at Marcus “Titan” Ruhl (5’11”, 210 lbs).

Credit where due, it was Naked Kombat’s description for their Wednesday new release that mentioned David vs Goliath, which was, in turn, what made it click in my mind that I’ve been tokin’ off of catchweight competitions hard lately. Like somewhere around the 3rd season of Lost, I’m no longer even trying to keep up with the narrative of NK’s “Summer Smackdown” tournament, which was bizarre from the start because it was apparently starring 10 men (in a single elimination tournament…. hmmm, math, people), 2 of which apparently had bys until the semi-finals, at which point the final round would be a tag team match. What the hell?  When I saw that this week’s match was Marcus Ruhl facing Doug Acre, the holes in the plot didn’t matter to me anymore. A month ago I called this match, predicting that Doug Acre was precisely the giant killer who could fell the mighty Titan.

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At the end of round 1, they’re almost even, but holy shit is Doug making the mighty beast work!  Sweat is pouring off of Marcus like a waterfall! In round 2, Doug starts to open a lead, primarily banking off of winded Marcus seriously slowing down. The final score after all three wrestling rounds gives Doug a convincing and, as far as I’m concerned, well earned upset victory over the mountain of muscle Marcus.

marcus3I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite as thrilled by an NK pony ride as I am to watch Doug use his newfound beast of burden for a leisurely lap. When asked in the post match debrief for his thoughts on the match, Doug’s mouth just gapes open for a moment before nervously chuckling and answering, “Damn! He’s a big guy!” Where it counts, Doug, you’re even bigger!  And, as I promised back when I called this match last month, Doug pounding Marcus’ defeated ass in a pool of sweat is now my screensaver!

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Can-Am’s Drake Wild (5’4″) stands in the shadow of massive bodybuilder Tyler St. James (6’2″, 240 lbs).

Can-Am doesn’t report the stats on their new big little man, Drake Wild, but elsewhere, he’s reportedly 5’6″ and nearly 100 pounds lighter than 240 lbs, blue-eyed bodybuilder Tyler St. James in Pro Sex Fight 10. When I first saw this match advertised, I thought there was no way I’d get into this.  The differential was too much to suck me into the competitive narrative.  But just like he does with massive Tyler, Drake grabs me by the balls everytime I push play, and I just can’t tear my eyes away!

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Honestly, I typically find myself pulling for the little man in a massively mismatched catchweight contest. However, there’s something almost disturbingly erotic about watching Tyler absolutely manhandle and bully his petite opponent. I’m totally caught off guard by the tension Tyler builds, leaving me to wonder if he’s going to snap the hot little lightweight into at least two separate pieces.  The golden bodybuilder is so fucking cocky, so completely dominating, stroking, spanking and kissing Drake’s ass, celebrating his certainty in victory from the moment the match starts.  “You don’t stand a chance,” Tyler mutters, not even threateningly, because its just such a flat out statement of fact.

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While I’m not sure why I’m enjoying watching this muscle brute mugging quite so much, I’m just that much more deeply ambivalent when little Drake turns the tables.  Watching mighty muscles conquered, decisively owned even, is a deeply satisfying scenario 9 times out of 10.  And yet watching the lightweight punk get crushed and shot-put all over the ring works me so hard this time out!  Like most Pro Sex Fights, the post-victory fucking releases most of the competitive tension anyway, but for some reason I’m left wishing musclegod Tyler could get another crack at putting the lean little scrapper in his place.

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BG East’s Flavio (5’10”, 180 lbs) faced down Lorenzo Lowe (5’5″, 135 lbs)

And then there’s the grand finale of this unexpected trilogy I’ve been caught up in lately, BG East’s Undagear 20 pitting stunning vision of golden, muscled beauty, rookie Flavio against the ever dangerous Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe.  LJL is “merely” 5 inches shorter and 45 pounds lighter, so compared to the first two catch weight matches I mention above, this one is relatively neck and neck at the tale of the tape.  LJL keeps writing bigger and bigger checks for that hot, lean, lightweight body of his to cash, and you have to wonder when Flavio effortlessly muscles his way free from LJL’s opening assault and, quite literally, picks him up off his feet and throws him into the wall, whether the mat veteran has bitten off way more beef than he can chew this time.

flavio2Watching every inch of Flavio’s body bulge and flex as he steamrolls right over top of LJL is powerfully mesmerizing. Those glutes alone could very well displace Doug Acre riding Marcus Ruhl’s ass as my screensaver. He absolutely owns LJL’s hot, lean bod in one humiliating hold after another.  The spinning full nelson that leaves LJL’s feet flailing a foot off the floor is an incredibly hot muscle bully moment that makes me doubt my persistent secret wish (9 times out of 10) that the little guy will climb on top of all those muscles and plant a flag in the bully on behalf of all of us who’ve been pushed around.

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But Flavio is a rookie. And LJL has clearly been taking notes from the master himself, BG East Boss Kid Leopard. Because it’s KL’s own signature finisher that snatches victory from defeat for LJL, making all of Flavio’s mouthwatering muscles go limp. It’s the look in LJL’s eyes as he puts the gorgeous fitness model all he way out that reminds me just how incredibly moving and sweet it can be to watch the “little guy” make a dominating specimen of physical perfection and arrogance his bitch!

There must be something in the air, because I’ve been hankering for muscle-taming catchweight homoerotic wrestling, and Naked Kombat, Can-Am, and BG East have set such a fantastic feast!

The thrill of victory; the agony of defeat…

Perhaps the defining difference between homoerotic wrestling and straightforward porn is the context (or pretense) of competition. I own exactly 3 porn products that contain no wrestling. I own about 180 homoerotic wrestling products, some of which contain fucking and some of which don’t. That pretty much paints by numbers where I stand with regard to what turns me on hardest. The one criticism I would level at most of the porn companies that have dabbled in wrestling themed products is precisely the same thing: they appreciate and spotlight far too little the element of competition in their race to get to the fucking. Domination, humiliation, control, ownership… these words densely populate the pages of neverland because I key off of that aspect of homoerotic wrestling that sucks me in with the drama of sport, the suspense of competition, and the explicit reference to the struggle for carnal domination.  Without it, or for whatever reason without enough of it, and I’ll hit that maybe two or three times in the average year.  With it, and I’m grabbing hold with both hands, oh, let’s say 3 times a day.

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Naked Kombat’s Rod Daily puts his would-be rival in his place!

So when I noticed that Naked Kombat was advertising new matches starting in mid-August as elimination matches in a 10-man pornboy tournament, I was immediately extra-attentive! Neverland readers know full well the extensive role that a single-elimination wrestling tournament can have on my homoerotic imagination.  Competition, domination, control, winners becoming losers, beasts humbled… fuck, yes. With that in mind, I want to catch us all up on exactly what we know so far in the NK 10-man “Kombatant Tournment.”

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Rod “the Real Deal” Daily mounts Tyler “the Assassin” Alexander – Naked Kombat August 14, 2013.

First of all, the brackets make no sense to me whatsoever, so we’re just going to roll with it and see if NK can see the through-story to the end. The first match pitted triathlon lean-meat Tyler “the Assassin” Alexander against raging bull beefcake Rod “the Real Deal” Daily. On face validity, I’d have said there’s no way that the Real Deal wasn’t going to carve up the Assassin for lunch and eat him raw. The bouncing pecs, the massive thighs, those tats, that Mohawk… I’ve most definitely pulled for a catchweight upender, with a little guy humbling his bigger opponent, but this time, I have to say I was pulling really hard for (on my) Rod. The final score was much closer than I’d have guessed it would turn out, but after 3 rounds and 30 minutes of kombat, it was a Blue: 31, Red: 24 spread, with Rod winning the day. The fact that this was not the squash I expected pleases me immensely.

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Marcus “Titan” Rule drives home his domination of Jessie “Cut-Throat” Colter.

A week later, the second match in the tourney featured a huge, huge, huge infatuation that I’ve talked about before, 5’11”, 210 pound Marcus “Titan” Ruhl. That’s all you needed to say for me to do two things. 1) Drop down a wager on the telephone poles that Titan calls his thighs and cock, and 2) pound one out in nothing but anticipation.  Jessie’s a big, strong motherfucker, mind you, and I love his look, but there was more than a sense of “of course” about it when the final score was Blue:23, Red:37, with Marcus Ruhl yet again on top, in charge, and riding that train to victory.

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Randall “the Rock” O’Reilly has Bryan “the Constrictor” Cole precisely where he wants him.

Week 3 of the tourney introduced me to two new lean pornboys, Randall “the Rock” O’Reilly and Bryan “the Constrictor” Cole. First blush, the Constrictor looks a little terrified and the Rock strikes me as a once-nelly-boy turned still-nelly-but-will-kick-your-ass wrestler. My knee jerk conclusion, go Rock!!! Tale of the tape after 3 rounds of elimination tournament competition? Blue: 20 points, Red: 29 points. Nelly-boy-goes-bully Randall delivers my satisfaction with my guilty pleasure: the cock-tuck pony ride!

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Doug “the Destroyer” Acre knows how to keep a big man (Alex “the Axe” Axel) down!

OKay, that’s 6 of that 10-man elimination tourney accounted for. However, week 4 of the tourney and suddenly NK says this is the final elimination round. The aforementioned bewildering brackets show two beats mentioned here before, Hayden Richards and Landon Conrad, seemingly waiting like spiders for the semi-finals, which I have no idea how that makes sense. An 8-man tournament has better mathematical properties anyway, so either way, I’m not worried. Worried, however, is the look on 5’10”, 180 lbs. Alex “the Axe” Adams’ face as he stares down at little 5’6″, 150 lbs. Doug “the Destroyer” Acre. Perhaps it’s little wonder, since Alex has tasted defeat three times in a row at NK, and little Doug is undefeated. Blue: 36, Red: 25, Doug extends his undefeated streak by easily crushing a much bigger opponent!

So if the brackets are indicative of what actually unfolds, I’m guessing that Randy “the Rock” O’Reilly and Rod “Real Deal” Daily will go cock-to-cock in the next round, leaving Marcus “Titan” Ruhl and Doug “Giant Killer” Acre (yeah, I’ve redubbed him) to square off. I’m predicting Rod comes out way on top, with 30 pounds of low-slung beef advantage being far too much for nelly-boy-bully Randall to overcome. I also predict Randall loves every second of it.  The real match of this tourney, by far, I think, is the giant killer versus the giant. Doug Acre is a fucking mat master! Holy shit, he can work a big man hard, and there’s just about none bigger than Titan. I’m seriously torn here, because I can easily see either of these men plowing the other by the end of the day. But a 60 pound differential!? Holy shit, that sounds completely impossible, and just to put myself way out there on a limb, I’m still going to call it. 150 pound Doug Acre beats 210 Marcus Ruhl. That’s my prediction. And should that happen, a still of Doug fucking previously undefeated Titan into a dripping pool of sweat and cum will be guaranteed to be my next screensaver!

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Whoever makes it that far, Hayden Richards is going to fuck. You. Up.

The brackets suggest that the winner of the Daily/O’Reilly match will face Hayden Richards, to which I say good-fucking-luck Rod. Hayden is a fucking badger, and you’re going to be little more than an appetizer.

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Put Doug Acre underneath Landon Conrad, and let’s see what the giant killer can do with that staring him in the face!

And, if I’m reading this correctly, the winner of Ruhl v Acre will go against golden god Landon Conrad. In which case, having predicted that Conrad’s two-time nemesis Titan is knocked out before this point, I think Doug Acre could have run his luck to it’s natural end right around the time that Landon is oiling up that jackhammer and pounding the would-be giant killer’s hole, with every humiliated big man Doug’s owned on the sideline cheering him on.

Finally, the brackets may be suggesting that the tourney final match is not a singles competition at all, which seems a little silly to me. However, the promise of Hayden Richards having owned, then tag teaming with Rod Daily and competing against the team of Conrad and Acre is an incredibly sweet possibility. If I were batting 1000 by this point, then I’m giving the tag team climax without a doubt to Conrad/Acre, hands down. Rod’s the weak link, and Doug would tip the scales between Hayden and Landon their way.

I am a little dehydrated, just discussing the brackets. Homoerotic wrestling needs more of this!