Davids and Goliaths

Lately, I’ve been drawn repeatedly to a few matches across different producers that keep calling me back. Suddenly, this afternoon, my mind abruptly saw an extremely obvious pattern that I was missing. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees (or the tree trunk thighs). Although it didn’t occur to me initially, each of these infatuation matches of mine has a quite apparent common factor: David vs Goliath.

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Naked Kombat’s Doug “the Destroyer” Acre (5’6″, 150 lbs) stares up at Marcus “Titan” Ruhl (5’11”, 210 lbs).

Credit where due, it was Naked Kombat’s description for their Wednesday new release that mentioned David vs Goliath, which was, in turn, what made it click in my mind that I’ve been tokin’ off of catchweight competitions hard lately. Like somewhere around the 3rd season of Lost, I’m no longer even trying to keep up with the narrative of NK’s “Summer Smackdown” tournament, which was bizarre from the start because it was apparently starring 10 men (in a single elimination tournament…. hmmm, math, people), 2 of which apparently had bys until the semi-finals, at which point the final round would be a tag team match. What the hell?  When I saw that this week’s match was Marcus Ruhl facing Doug Acre, the holes in the plot didn’t matter to me anymore. A month ago I called this match, predicting that Doug Acre was precisely the giant killer who could fell the mighty Titan.

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At the end of round 1, they’re almost even, but holy shit is Doug making the mighty beast work!  Sweat is pouring off of Marcus like a waterfall! In round 2, Doug starts to open a lead, primarily banking off of winded Marcus seriously slowing down. The final score after all three wrestling rounds gives Doug a convincing and, as far as I’m concerned, well earned upset victory over the mountain of muscle Marcus.

marcus3I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite as thrilled by an NK pony ride as I am to watch Doug use his newfound beast of burden for a leisurely lap. When asked in the post match debrief for his thoughts on the match, Doug’s mouth just gapes open for a moment before nervously chuckling and answering, “Damn! He’s a big guy!” Where it counts, Doug, you’re even bigger!  And, as I promised back when I called this match last month, Doug pounding Marcus’ defeated ass in a pool of sweat is now my screensaver!

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Can-Am’s Drake Wild (5’4″) stands in the shadow of massive bodybuilder Tyler St. James (6’2″, 240 lbs).

Can-Am doesn’t report the stats on their new big little man, Drake Wild, but elsewhere, he’s reportedly 5’6″ and nearly 100 pounds lighter than 240 lbs, blue-eyed bodybuilder Tyler St. James in Pro Sex Fight 10. When I first saw this match advertised, I thought there was no way I’d get into this.  The differential was too much to suck me into the competitive narrative.  But just like he does with massive Tyler, Drake grabs me by the balls everytime I push play, and I just can’t tear my eyes away!

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Honestly, I typically find myself pulling for the little man in a massively mismatched catchweight contest. However, there’s something almost disturbingly erotic about watching Tyler absolutely manhandle and bully his petite opponent. I’m totally caught off guard by the tension Tyler builds, leaving me to wonder if he’s going to snap the hot little lightweight into at least two separate pieces.  The golden bodybuilder is so fucking cocky, so completely dominating, stroking, spanking and kissing Drake’s ass, celebrating his certainty in victory from the moment the match starts.  “You don’t stand a chance,” Tyler mutters, not even threateningly, because its just such a flat out statement of fact.

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While I’m not sure why I’m enjoying watching this muscle brute mugging quite so much, I’m just that much more deeply ambivalent when little Drake turns the tables.  Watching mighty muscles conquered, decisively owned even, is a deeply satisfying scenario 9 times out of 10.  And yet watching the lightweight punk get crushed and shot-put all over the ring works me so hard this time out!  Like most Pro Sex Fights, the post-victory fucking releases most of the competitive tension anyway, but for some reason I’m left wishing musclegod Tyler could get another crack at putting the lean little scrapper in his place.

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BG East’s Flavio (5’10”, 180 lbs) faced down Lorenzo Lowe (5’5″, 135 lbs)

And then there’s the grand finale of this unexpected trilogy I’ve been caught up in lately, BG East’s Undagear 20 pitting stunning vision of golden, muscled beauty, rookie Flavio against the ever dangerous Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe.  LJL is “merely” 5 inches shorter and 45 pounds lighter, so compared to the first two catch weight matches I mention above, this one is relatively neck and neck at the tale of the tape.  LJL keeps writing bigger and bigger checks for that hot, lean, lightweight body of his to cash, and you have to wonder when Flavio effortlessly muscles his way free from LJL’s opening assault and, quite literally, picks him up off his feet and throws him into the wall, whether the mat veteran has bitten off way more beef than he can chew this time.

flavio2Watching every inch of Flavio’s body bulge and flex as he steamrolls right over top of LJL is powerfully mesmerizing. Those glutes alone could very well displace Doug Acre riding Marcus Ruhl’s ass as my screensaver. He absolutely owns LJL’s hot, lean bod in one humiliating hold after another.  The spinning full nelson that leaves LJL’s feet flailing a foot off the floor is an incredibly hot muscle bully moment that makes me doubt my persistent secret wish (9 times out of 10) that the little guy will climb on top of all those muscles and plant a flag in the bully on behalf of all of us who’ve been pushed around.

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But Flavio is a rookie. And LJL has clearly been taking notes from the master himself, BG East Boss Kid Leopard. Because it’s KL’s own signature finisher that snatches victory from defeat for LJL, making all of Flavio’s mouthwatering muscles go limp. It’s the look in LJL’s eyes as he puts the gorgeous fitness model all he way out that reminds me just how incredibly moving and sweet it can be to watch the “little guy” make a dominating specimen of physical perfection and arrogance his bitch!

There must be something in the air, because I’ve been hankering for muscle-taming catchweight homoerotic wrestling, and Naked Kombat, Can-Am, and BG East have set such a fantastic feast!

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