Certainties and Uncertainties


I have the unprecedented (for me) opportunity to meet up with one of my favorite (well, currently THE favorite) homoerotic wrestlers who is, at this moment, basically in my back yard. That’s right, my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, happens to be in my neck of the woods and interested in being treated to dinner by his number 1 fan (i.e. me. Don’t even think of challenging me on this one).


My heart is racing with excited anticipation, of course. Of course I’ve been obsessing about this non-stop. Of course,  I’ll report back here how things go, what we talk about, how hot his abs are (surely, I can work into conversation, “show me your abs”!).  But there are a few things I’m less certain about.

1. How many photos is one too many photos to bring for autographs?

2. Is it wrong for me to wish that, despite Lon being a teetotaler, that he gets totally messed up drunk (he is in Wisconsin, after all)?

3. What level of specificity about his body can I ask about before crossing a line that I shouldn’t?

4. Given the opportunity to sit down to dinner with your favorite homoerotic wrestler, what would you ask him?

Is it inappropriate to ask him to crush something between his thighs, given that we’ll be eating in a public place?

Let  me know what you think (comment by clicking at the top of the post).

4 thoughts on “Certainties and Uncertainties

  1. You can wish that he would get “messed up,” but if you know going in that he doesn’t drink I wouldn’t let that wish be known.

    As for talking about body parts, I think the context of your questions is more pertinent to what is appropriate than the body part. (Although “show me your junk” would probably cross any and every line.) If it’s in the context of working out — “do you do anything special for your triceps,” for example — I think anything would be fine.

  2. To address your four questions, here are my thoughts …

    1. In my opinion, the polite personal limit is one, unless he’s Johnny Manziel. The only way you should ask for more is if you plan to raffle them off or share them with loyal contributors.

    2. Yes, it’s wrong, but maybe you can get him hopped up on Wisconsin lactose instead.

    3. I expect he’s proud of his body, so I would think that you can get pretty specific. I’d expect that respectful admiration is cool.

    4. So many things, but top three would be:

    – Often times my household’s sponges accumulate an awful amount of buildup. What can I do to prevent this?
    – I have this itch on the back of my leg. And I can’t figure out if it’s a bug bite or dry skin. What do you think?
    – I’ve got an artesian well on my property and the water pressure is lousy. Any suggestions?

    Other than that, maybe boring things like, “personal theme song?”, “who inspires you?”, “do you watch wrestling videos?”

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