In case you didn’t catch it, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Drake Marcos, crawled out of the shame spiral he’s been in for the past month in order to try to articulate how, after all that taunting and trash talk, he ended up with his trunks stuffed in his mouth and a certain blogger snapping photographic proof of his humiliation in the ring (not that we didn’t already have copious evidence of Drake’s humiliation in the ring). It’s adorkable. I honestly didn’t realize that my infatuation with Mason Brooks’ nipples was what apparently seeded Drake’s antipathy toward me during our 3-way interview nearly a year ago. Seriously, how could I not be infatuated with Mason’s nipples? And it’s not as if I have some finite supply of infatuation and fandom to ration out. I can marvel at Drake’s magnificent suffering as a sensational jobber and, simultaneously, go dizzy with delight at Mason’s hot pecs and total mastery of an outmatched opponent.
We’ve been left in suspense to hear the end (or at least “part 2”) of Drake’s attempt to rationalize away his blogger beat down. Considering it was almost 11 months between his last post and this one, perhaps we shouldn’t hold our collective breaths. And what, honestly, can a stud say to defend himself when he was photographed entirely defenseless and defeated? The end of “part 1” of Drake’s tap dance around the cold hard facts suggests that, as is so often the case with dissociative disorder, he is coping with his shame by glancing sideways at his split-personalitied alternate self. Whatever you need to do to sleep at night, Drake. Whatever you need to do. As we wait, I’ve collected a few choice moments from Drake’s wrestling history to share as evidence that the handsome hunk sells sublime suffering just about the best of anyone I can think of in the business today. I’d suggest the Cheshire Cat simply own it rather than run from what he does so, so well: suffer. Check out Kayden Keller’s Facebook feed for more piling on, pointing out that nobody agonizes helplessly quite as provocatively as Drake Marcos.