New Kid

I’m often off script. I misread babyfaces as heels. I’m distracted by the dialogue and overlook the plot. I key off on embellishments and fail to appreciate the fundamentals that make a wrestling match solid. I’m sure that’s what happened when I watched Leopard’s Lair 6.

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KL pulls out “the good stuff” to gear up Blaine Janus

The fundamental facts of LL6 are abundantly apparent. First of all, titular Kid Leopard makes an appearance, and nothing signals imminent danger quite like having The Boss get personally involved. KL arrives ringside to personally task Jonny Firestorm with helping Blaine Janus successfully transition from a mat wrestling standout to a serious ring wrestler. The wheels within wheels are clearly spinning. “You be nice to our nice Canadian friend here,” The Boss shoves a finger in Jonny’s face emphatically. “Show him some moves, how to take bumps, how to use the ropes, the usual corner to corner stuff.”

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Blaine has never looked tastier!

Blaine looks just about the prettiest I’ve ever seen him. He’s beautifully tanned and sensationally fit. The Boss picks out the perfect pair of baby blue trunks to bring out the Canadian beauty’a icy eyes. In contract, Jonny’s unfamiliarity with a razor and his bear daddy belly serve the same purpose as those magnificent baby blue trunks. Blaine is just that much prettier, that much more aesthetically perfected, his lean, smooth, coverboy torso that much hotter for the contrast to Jonny’s slipshod personal grooming and over-indulgence at Dunks. Without question, there’s a game afoot as KL gives Blaine white wrestling boots that were apparently, previously promised to go to Jonny. But then, The Boss turns to Blaine and ominously promises that Jonny will take good care of him. “Aren’t you Jonny,” KL asks his favorite choreboy, “you’re going to take real good care of him!”

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“I seem to be a fast learner, eh?”

So the moving parts are rife with drama and suspense. When Jonny starts to show Blaine some pro moves, the Canadian dazzler is a quick study. Too quick, perhaps. When it’s Blaine’s turn to give the moves a try, he rapidly masters them and adds a little gratuitous improv. “I seem to be a fast learner, eh?” Blaine congratulates himself for making Jonny whimper in a demonstration camel clutch. The suspense builds as we are led to anticipate the first diabolical reveal of this match: is Blaine a ringer who will deliver the shocking break-up message that I’ve long suspected The Boss has written to Jonny, or is Jonny yet again KL’s tool to crush the ego and dreams of another would-be babyface hero?

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“Are you going to put this in our repertoire of moves,” Blaine asks.

The tutorial busts out into all out brutality soon enough, which is no surprise. Blaine uses all of those sun-kissed muscles to put some sweet, uncharacteristic hurt on BGE’s recently dethroned Top Heel. The scoop slam prelude to a leg nelson pin is enough to make me believe that KL has been coaching Blaine in private in order to kick his lazy choreboy to the curb.

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The tug of fate

But alas, now on full alert, Jonny mounts a comeback and fucks Blaine over. And over. And over.  Jonny’s single leg crab and ball claw chaser makes Blaine scream in submission repeatedly. Jonny is the sadistic crowd pleaser once again by ripping Blaine’s baby blue trunks off, shoving them down his throat, and then wedging the Canuck’s tight white undagear super high up his beautifully bronzed ass cheeks. Most of the match is essentially an upperclassman squash as darling Blaine is sorely abused, and disabused of the notion that he could replace Jonny as KL’s new favorite. The submissions are uncountable and largely ignored. Jonny isn’t satisfied until he’s knocked Blaine out cold with a DDT and then dragged him weeping back to consciousness with a whimpering ball claw.

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“I told you to teach him, not to kill him, for Christ’s sake!”

The second, upfront fundamentally sensational plot point happens when The Boss arrives back at the ring room. “Jonny, what the fuck have you done? I told you to teach him, not to kill him, for Christ’s sake!” KL looks royally pissed off. Jonny looks seriously nervous. Blaine looks quietly relieved. When The Boss climbs into the ring, there’s a rising certainty that senior level violence is about to bust out, and by the look of panic in Jonny’s eyes, he’s clearly wondering if he’s finally disobeyed his master one too many times.

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“I hope it wasn’t too intense for you.”

KL coddles Blaine, gently helping the wasted beauty up off the mat. “I hope it wasn’t too intense for you,” he consoles the Canadian’s bruised ego. Sensing his favored status in serious jeopardy, Jonny yanks on Blaine’s shocking blond hair in preparation for another beatdown, but The Boss smacks him away angrily. “Cut it out, for Christ’s sakes!” KL reprimands his unsettled choreboy. “I don’t want you to do stuff like that.” The Boss pulls Blaine away protectively.

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“Cut it out!”

“That’s for me to do!” KL snaps with his infamously evil grin. In a flash, he bulldogs the dazed pretty boy, knocking Blaine out cold face first into the mat. It’s so sweet. The suspense is relieved in a rush of sadistic pleasure. Jonny retains his ambivalent hold on the position of The Boss’ favorite choreboy heel. Their two twisted souls savor the delight of lording over another exposed, overly ambitious, would-be rock star broken into beautiful pieces at their feet.

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“That’s for me to do!”

That’s the story, really. And it’s lush and masterfully told. It’s paradigmatically Leopard’s Lair material. As I look back, I can only admire the sly subtleties with which they have toyed with my expectations and taunted my secret longings. But that’s not what I saw the first time I watched Leopard’s Lair 6.

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Blaine brought a boy toy with him.

Rewind the tape back to the beginning, when Kid Leopard strolls into the ring room with Blaine, barking orders at Jonny. Walking in the room behind them is, unremarked upon, Rafael Valmor, shirtless and in long shorts and a cap.  When KL walks Blaine over to the corner of the room to hand pick the tastiest gear for him, Blaine playfully punches at Rafael’s washboard abs. There is, for the briefest moment, a wink and smile exchanged between Blaine and Rafael. It’s intimate and blindly trusting. Although left completely unexplained, I can see no other explanation than that at some point after Rafael scored a sensational debut upset in his Undagear 18 match with Blaine, the lingering, sweat soaked victory kiss Rafael planted on Blaine blossomed into off camera romance.

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The start of the romance?

After KL has selected Blaine’s gear and instructed Jonny to take real good care of Blaine, The Boss makes his exit from the ring room mysteriously explaining, “I have my own project to attend to.” With a commanding lift of the chin toward Rafael, KL asks, “Are you ready punk?” With that sensational earnestness that has made me a Rafael fanatic from the start, he enthusiastically replies, “Yeah,” and follows the Boss out of the ring room to leave his boyfriend to contend with the bear daddy choreboy.

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I’m clearly not the only one who fell instantly in lust with Rafael’s ass.

It’s scraps, I know. It’s barely interpretable as innuendo. I’m supplying a lion’s share of the details to connect these dots, but holy fuck, when Rafael turns his back to the camera and follows The Boss, his magnificent ass steals the show.

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“Come on in here kid, and let me show you something.”

Push fast forward again. Jonny has brutalized Blaine. The Boss has feigned concern, only to DDT the Canuck out cold. Jonny is literally applauding Kid Leopard’s double cross (triple cross? just cross?). “Come on in here, kid,” The Boss calls to Rafael who has followed in to stand ringside. “Let me show you something,” KL beckons to him. What the fuck is going through Rafael’s head at that moment!? I’m completely infatuated with this, of all the moments in this match. The suspense-laden plot to this point fades in comparison to my anticipation of what Rafael Valmor is about to experience, as he steps into the ring to see up close what’s become of his boyfriend. Is Rafael about to be treated to the same fate? Is The Boss’ obvious lustful attention driven by how tasty Rafael’s ass is, or by KL’s insatiable hunger to fuck up pretty boys?

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“You can have the honor…”

“You can have the honor of pinning him,” KL offers Rafael, pointing at his slumbering, defeated Prince Valiant at their feet. The bright, eager smile on Rafael’s gorgeous face makes my cock swell with excitement. He looks like he just laid eyes on the presents under the tree in the wee hours of Christmas morning.

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“Let’s record this for posterity.”

“No!” Jonny interrupts insistently. Again, this secondary (tertiary? primary?) plot thickens with suspense as all of Jonny’s hard work appears to be handed over to a beautiful bon bon who was literally not even in the room, much less lifted a finger to earn the victory. Then, with a smile, Jonny suggests that The Boss yank the long shorts off of Rafael, and so permit his newest pet the privilege of planting that mouthwatering ass of his on his boyfriend’s face wearing nothing but lilac briefs.

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Welcome to the family, Rafael.

Honestly, during my first read through of this match, what finally topped me off was watching Rafael drop to his knees, mounted triumphantly across his (let’s face it, former-) boyfriend’s chest, and flex his pretty little baseball biceps as Jonny slaps down a three-count pin for him. The Boss is snapping photos of the scene from every angle, capturing that delicious moment when a smolderingly sexy pretty boy betrays his hot bodied lover without hesitation.

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What’s love got to do with it?

Rafael fucking gets into it! He punches Blaine in the gut. He gets up and plants a socked foot across his ex-lover’s face humiliatingly, smiling for the camera as Jonny joins in with a boot pressing into Blaine’s crotch. “Oh,” Kid Leopard groans with pleasure from behind the camera, “you boys make me proud!”

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Employees of the Month

Rafael isn’t credited as a wrestler in Leopard’s Lair 6, but fuck it all if he doesn’t, actually, score the final, decisive pin fall. He’s on camera for all of about 2 and a half minutes, but here I am, obsessing about his appearance in this tale of sick and twisted fate. I want to know what, exactly, KL was doing with Rafael during those 20 minutes that his boyfriend was getting royally fucked up by Jonny. Was is physical seduction? Were there promises made to prime Rafael to smile so brightly as he dropped his impeccable ass down across his boyfriend’s chest and sucker punched him?  Based on all TWO of his matches to date (which add up to an undefeated 3-0 record at this point), I’m entirely ready to believe that Rafael Valmor could very well be as turned on as the rest of us are by the homoeroticism of wrestling, which could easily make him the perfect, imprintable, insatiable consort to the Emperor of Agony himself.

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Kid Valmor?!

I know, I know. I’ve clearly missed the point of Leopard’s Lair 6. But the lingering thought that leaves me hard is whether or not we will get to enjoy more of this gorgeous bon bon that The Boss so suggestively refers to as “Kid.”

Best of 2016

I had every intention of posting some more niche categories for you to chime in on as we look back on the best of homoerotic wrestling for 2016. But alas, time and tide await for no man. The clock has nearly run out on 2016, and probably not a second too soon. So instead of polling the readers, I’m just going to put forth a few of my own personal picks for the best in homoerotic wrestling in a few more categories almost certain not to show up in any official year end fan polls.

 

Best Back

Fuck, I love a big, broad, thickly muscled back. I suppose a lot of guys probably don’t think of the back as a particularly lust worthy. I, on the other hand, think a hot, sexy back is immense value added. It seems far too often neglected by the gym bunny crowd, making a truly gorgeous, crafted classic V and wide wing span that much more notable. Again, for my tastes, there are mechanics involved, like proportion, shape, and thickness, but that last, little, hard-to-articulate aesthetic comes down to whether a back makes me ache to slap down a massive load across the expanse of it. So, as with everything, it’s about what it inspires in me as much as any particular objective, measurable quality that we could all agree on.  My top three favorite backs in 2016, in reverse order, are as follows:

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Lon Dumont

2nd runner up is Lon Dumont. So much has been said about Lon’s phenomenal abs, and deservedly so. But damn, that back is a work of art! I would love to see 2017 be the year that opponents climb into the ring with Lon and acknowledge what a hot, rocking body this magnificent muscleman possesses, and fuck, that back should be on the list of things for an opponent with taste to admire.

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Van Skyler

1st runner up for me is BG East’s muscleboy Van Skyler. He’s a dizzyingly sexy fantasyman from the front, sure, but fuck, that gorgeous back could be more perfect only with a stream of cum painted across it.

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Scrappy

I don’t have access to better pics, but trust me, Thunder’s Arena’s Scrappy has a magnificent back. His perfect V points like an arrow that supremely fuckable ass. He’s phenomenal to watch wrestle. The attitude, the power, the beauty from every angle. But my heart rate spikes every time I see his best side. Scrappy has his admirers, clearly, but I have think that he’s one of the most underrated athletes in the homoerotic wrestling industry. He’s a handsome fucker with some sweet mat skills, but I’m waiting for him to just turn around, extend that lat spread and flex those glutes, and bring the right opponent to his knees.

 

Best Tag Team.

There were precious few tag team matches in homoerotic wrestling in 2016. A producer once told me that tag team matches are few and far between because it’s just too much of a pain in the ass coordinating 4 different schedules (plus the production crew). So they’re a rare treat that I, personally, enjoy immensely. So here are my top 3 favorite tag teams in 2016, picked out of some inexact formula of ring skills, beauty, teamwork and chemistry, with just a little of that extra added allure of making we want to join them in a 3 way (and I’m not strictly talking wrestling now).

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Zack Johnathan (aka Z-Man) and Austin Cooper

2nd runner ups for me were the fascinating pairing of two sensational, iconic figures in homoerotic wrestling, Z-Man and Austin Cooper, teaming up for Rock Hard Wrestling in All-Star Brawl. I’m not convinced that they have a ton of chemistry when working together, but two hot, sexy stars this big and this popular make a sensationally sexy pairing.

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Raving Savages Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood

1st runner ups, and thus first in line for me to climb into a petite, muscle packed, loin clothed sandwich with, are Wrestle4Hire’s Ravaging Savages, namely Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood. These bearded badasses were a thrilling surprise for me in their magnificent take down of behemoth muscle giant Mark Muscle. Despite pulling off some fabulously coordinated double teaming, I think they are just a little unequally yoked, as evidenced by Matt having to turn alpha and order Zach around a bit to finally finish off their superhuman opponent. But holy fuck, these micro beasts were a sensational turn on for me in 2016.

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Team All-Americans – Rookie Charlie Evans and veteran Christian Taylor

In what has to be the hottest, most entertaining tag team match in homoerotic wrestling this year (this decade?), ginger newbie Charlie Evans joined forces with fantasy veteran Christian Taylor to bring down the house in Tag Team Torture 19. Their opponents, newbie Chase Addams and Trophy Boy Ty Alexander, could have totally taken this award, if their out of control vanities hadn’t set them on a path to self-destruction from the start. What Team Vanity lacked in teamwork and coordination, Team All-Americans excelled at. This was such a fabulous narrative of earnest babyfaces versus narcissistic heels, with the juicy melodrama of the upstanding All-Americans suffering heaping loads of underhanded brutality, and yet enduring, having each others backs, and through raw skill, will, and teamwork staying in the fray long enough for their egomaniacal opponents to make one too many mistakes. I would pay a premium for those dick selfies they snapped with Team Vanity’s phones. And absolutely, if there’s a tag team I’d most want to join for a rip and strip, baby oiled menage a trois, in 2016, it’s Team Vanity.

 

Best Gear

I’ve had some extensive conversations with Ty Alexander about the dangerous waters of expressing strong opinions about gear. I’m no Joan Rivers, and I hardly claim any particular expertise in fashion. But I definitely know when a particular gear choice does NOT do it for me. And, occasionally, I think to myself, that hunk was made to wear that! As with everything, there are mechanical factors that go into my estimation of gear, like fit, color, and complexion. But in this case, that hard to describe, major component of what I like has to do with me deciding, at least momentarily, that a wrestler actually may be even sexier in this particular gear than out of it (trust me, that’s a rare conclusion for me). Well, at least I think to myself that I’d like to see him in it before ripping it off of him. In any case, what I think may be the most sensational gear choices of 2016 are as follows.

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Ty Alexander

2nd runner up is Trophy Boy Ty Alexander. To say that a pair of trunks look like they were made to be worn by a wrestler is, quite literally, the truth when it comes to fashion-obsessed Ty. He has an immense collection of custom made wrestling outfits that he showed off in 2016. Possibly my favorite were the opal trunks he wore in his grudge match against fleeting tag team partner Chase Addams in Tag Team Torture 19. Lush fit, beautiful contrast with Ty’s all-over tan, and generously providing reading material for when he plants that ass on Chase’s face. They tell a story all on their own, which, considering Ty’s panache for storytelling in the ring, adds compelling nuance and subtext to a match.

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Jobe Zander

I let my attention wander away from Jobe Zander for a while, but suddenly, in 2016, I took another look and discovered a whole new man. I’m assuming there was some nefarious transaction with Satan involved, or perhaps a genie in a bottle, to transform Jobe into the ripped sex god he suddenly is today. However it happened, I was blown away by the super-low-rise, sky blue banana hammock he wore this summer in Can-Am’s Decrotchery 14. His hot, rock hard glutes look insanely sensational, and Jobe’s masterpiece is framed like the work of art it is. The seaming, the gorgeously tight outline of his monster cock… everything about these trunks scream Jobe. A fashion critique would likely note that the pouch pulls away from his inner thigh just a fraction as a result of a fraction too little fabric to manage to cover his famously gargantuan python. But who the fuck are we kidding. That tiny gap, the shadowed space stretched too tight at the side of his crotch, is exactly what makes this gear perfection.

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My choice for Best Gear in 2016 is Rafael Valmor from BG East’s Fan Fantasy 4. Honestly, Rafael had an unfair advantage, considering Kieran Dunne made him try out about half a dozen pairs of trunks before acknowledging the obvious truth that these baby blue square cut swim trunks achieved absolute perfection. The combination of that baby blue against his bronzed, Brazilian body is so fucking lovely! But it’s the cut that boggles my mind. I swear it looks like these trunks were sewn together right on his body. From the back, they dip exactly to the top of his ass crack, squeezing each gorgeous ass cheek like loving friend. From the front, they suck to his muscled, upper thighs, and then leave exactly enough acreage to let his mouthwatering bulge stick out just right. I know, I know, I keep using the word “perfection” too often in this category, but I can think of no other description for Rafael’s gear here. Kieran agrees with me here. Mouthwatering, aesthetic, masterful engineering, absolute perfection.

 

Best Wrestling Character

I think of this last category like picking Miss Congeniality, only most of the time, the most compelling, sexiest wrestling personalities in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly uncongenial. As a fan, I talk about this aspect of wrestling often, the sell, not just of any particular move or hold, but of the wrestling story as a whole. There are plenty of homoerotic wrestling matches that seem to pop up out of nowhere, with the combatants’ motivation for stripping down to their barest essentials and beating the living fuck out of each other remaining mostly a mystery. But there are some sensationally entertaining hunks on the scene who absolutely emote. They set the table for us, sometimes with dialogue and explicit backstory, but often with just a smirk and a sneer. I love wrestlers who can convince me that they aren’t just waiting to clock out, but that they’re motivated and passionate about working up a sweat and settling some score. This is less about being a heel or a babyface or a jobber, but about conveying the virtual world in which hot hunks in the briefest of trunks defy gravity, obliterate the conventions of common decency, and pit nothing but their bodies and cunning against one another for a reason. That’s fucking sexy as hell for me. So here are my top 3 wrestling personalities who did all of that the best in 2016.

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Aryx Quinn

I’ve missed seeing more of Aryx Quinn in homoerotic wrestling lately, but even showing up relatively rarely, he tears apart the competition in body and soul. As my 2nd runner up for best wrestling character, Aryx could easily drive fans wild with just that rocking body and those incredibly devastating wresting skills. And yet, every time he shows up, he brings that sexy as fuck, sneering, domineering, trash talking attitude that typically conveys a crystal clear motivation to rip an opponent apart in order to fuck them senseless in victory. I’d argue there’s no other wrestler in competition today who inhabits quite the wrestling character that he does with such supreme success.

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Kid Karisma

My 2nd runner up for Best Wrestling Character is Kid Karisma. Kid K consistently conveys a transparent motivation for throwing down, built on several interlocking factors. He loves the way he looks, glistening with sweat and showing off his magnificent muscles, having beaten an opponent to submission and flexing over top of him. He clearly loves the way it feels, possessing another man, bending and breaking him, milking whimpers and screams out of him. Kid K sells a particularly sweet vintage of sadism without a hint of maleficence about it that’s incredibly novel and compelling. And, at least 2 times out of 3, he wrestles because it turns him on. So often, after ripping a lucky bastard apart piece by piece, you’ll catch Kid Karisma climbing on top, saddling up, and smacking down a lusty, passionate kiss. Both in his wrestling work and in conversation, he consistently comes across as a hearty partier, a prankster and a smart ass, who wrestles for the sheer pleasure of it.

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Matt Thrasher

Best Wrestling Character in 2016 for my tastes was Matt Thrasher. Again, like Aryx and Kid Karisma, Matt inhabits a relatively unique persona in the business, I think. Particularly in his work for Muscle Domination Wrestling, Matt is the Daddy’s Home franchise. He’s gorgeous, of course, but he absolutely owns the salt ‘n’ pepper daddy beat in today’s industry. Youngsters of all shapes and sizes keep throwing themselves in his way, calling him old, calling him grandpa. And with patience born of experience, Matt chuckles, and then turns the ageist bullshit on its head by beating the living fuck out of every ankle biter he meets. He’s bulging and hairy and sweats like a Margarita in August, but its the way he carries that off in his seasoned, savory picking apart of young bucks that makes him such a phenomenal character. He’s never impulsive. He’s deliberate and decisive. And he persistently possesses the sexy, compelling character motivation of crushing the dreams of youth as he turns cocky kids into his sniveling bitches.

So those are my picks for some of the aspects of homoerotic wrestling that I, personally, key off of, but which don’t tend to find their way into end of year fan polls. Feel free to praise any wrestlers who you’d have picked for these (or any other) category in the comments below.  And happy new year, people. Here’s to a hope and prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we all survive 2017 with a few civil liberties left.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I have a few more reviews planned for recent wrestling releases, but I’m prepared to lay the laurel leaves across the handsome brow of one particular wrestling stud who, in my humble opinion, put up the hottest, most provocative, most entertaining homoerotic wrestling appearance in an April release. In a field of truly outstanding contenders, just one wrestler showed me something not only new, but something downright inspired. My homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

 

 

 

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…Rafael Valmor.

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Even Kieran can’t help but get a little handsy with Rafael.

I won’t reiterate all of the points I made in my review of Rafael’s Fan Fantasy match against his long-time muscle crush, Kieran Dunne.  A few points, however, deserve mentioning again.

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Lip-biting lust!

Rafael is infatuated with sweaty, bulging, beautiful hunk Kieran. Well, I’m sure it’s entirely possible that he’s not, in real life, but in Fan Fantasy 4, I believe him. There’s a genuineness about him, a raw, open-faced honesty that drips with veracity. It’s not that I expect to see Oscar-award winning acting in my homoerotic wrestling, but anytime a hunk sells me as hard as Rafael does, I’m fully engaged, delighted, and charmed.

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Slack-jawed awe

So Rafael brings clearly drawn character, which is enough to put him at the head of the pack in most random samplings of homoerotic wrestling. But he also tells a story. Kieran, of course, tells it, too, but if there’s a narrative voice in this drama, it’s Rafael’s.  I watched Magic Mike XXL recently, and I was reminded of the allure and the limits of eye candy. I had the same reaction to the first Magic Mike. All those gorgeous bodies, stripping and dancing, will haunt my dreams for weeks. But, fuck. No goddamn plot. No dramatic tension. Incredibly weak motivation, and a story that can be summed up comprehensively in 5 words (“Strippers reunited to strip again”). Seeing Joe Mangienello’s naked ass and watching him tie some fawning fan up in a sling and simulate growling sex to a Nine Inch Nails soundtrack sends me diving deep into my own homoerotic wrestling fan fiction of Joe in the wrestling ring. But that’s just it. I’ve got to add the storyline.

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Beaming with delight!

In Fan Fantasy 4, adorable Rafael provides all the back story, dramatic tension, and quest narrative necessary to turn this into so much more than eye candy. His fawning devotion for Kieran lures the narcissist into agreeing to wrestle (well, that an a wad of cash). But living the fantasy isn’t just thrilling for Rafael. It also inspires a passion that takes both him and Kieran by surprise. The curly haired cherub sucks down more punishment than Kieran can believe because Rafael is living the dream! When he shyly asks to feel what’s like to have Kieran trapped in his headscissors, the once in a lifetime opportunity to see Kieran’s face turning beet red, staring up helplessly at his number one fan, turns Rafael into a gloating, flexing, swelling lottery winner. The two of them, both Kieran and Rafael, have unleashed a beast that neither of them quite expected, and the unexpected is always value added for me in homoerotic wrestling.

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That BODY!!!

Lest I short sell the more obvious delights of Fan Fantasy 4, let me acknowledge that Rafael’s body drives me insane with lust. At the surface, it’s a classic mismatch of big, bulging meat against lithe, lean twinkie. But as much as I also adore Kieran’s big, juicy, muscled ass, I cannot take my eyes off of Rafael in this match. I’ve documented in the pages of this blog extensively the truth that I get turned on by a wide variety of bodies. Most certainly on that list is a curly haired, 5’9″, 145 pound, bronzed, stunningly beautiful Latino heartthrob with a perfect ass.

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The spoils of war

By the time this match is over, I’ve invested a couple of hours and quarts and quarts of bodily fluids. I’m praying to the homoerotic wresting gods that next up for Rafael is his own Eve Harrington fawning fan whose knees quiver at the sight of his insanely sexy trail and piercing, dark bedroom eyes. In the mean time, make room on the throne for the mouthwatering hot, taut ass of my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Rafael Valmor: Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month, April 2016

Wrestling Romance

Valentines Day typically leaves me cold.  Rampant, conspicuous displays of heterosexual romance get on my nerves. But I feel like reclaiming the day for myself this year. One of my fondest devices in homoerotic wrestling is the tender turn after a seriously nasty, bitter battle. When the winner claims his prize and both wrestlers are as enthusiastic about carnal delights as corporal punishment, I’m seriously sold.  Thumbing through the file cabinet in my head (augmented by the search function in my favorite homoerotic wrestling sites), I’m coming up with a sadly short list of my top tender moments in homoerotic wrestling. It’s a satisfying jaunt down memory lane, however. So for this month’s reader’s poll, let me just ask you: which romantic wrestling pair should be crowned Mr. and Mr. Valentines Day Wrestling Couple of 2012?

Art Imitating Life: Christian Taylor and Skip Vance

Skip Vance and Christian Taylor get the pole position in this race to the climax, because Skip has let it be known through his Facebook page that he and Christian are, in real life, long-time lovers. This sent me (and at least one reader I’ve heard from) scurrying back to their ferocious mat room battle in Sexy Showdown 6: Sexier to reconsider the nasty humiliation and pain that these two hot, hard, lean grapplers pour out onto each other before settling in for some naked, sweaty, tender tongue wrestling. These boys get more hot and bothered the meaner the action turns, making me picture infinite homoerotic wrestling scenarios in the Taylor/Vance household. These two sweat soaked boys with their crotches grinding and their lips hovering over each other could totally redeem Valentines Day for me. How about you?

Teasing Done: Rafael Valmor and Blaine Janus

I have no idea what Rafael Valmor and Blaine Janus’ relationship is off the mat, but on the mat in Undagear 18, it was mind-blowing. Other things blew for me as well, and in no small part it was due to the gorgeous tension that Rafael builds by adamantly refusing to let Blaine kiss him throughout their increasingly amorous mat battle. You can just about see Blaine’s balls turn blue inside his tight red trunks as he wrings another sweat-soaked submission out of the Latin lover and leans in to taste victory, only to be shoved away as the brown-eyed boy refuses to give it away for free. Butts get squeezed with rising passion. The submissions get uglier. And once Blaine is just finally wasted with sexy Rafael stretched out on top of him, the curly haired adonis slaps on that priceless kiss on nobody’s but his own terms. Now that’s a love story worthy of Shakespeare! And it’s also an entirely convincing option for Rafael and Blaine to be the 2012 Mr. and Mr. Valentines Day Wrestling Couple.

Sure Thing: Marc Rion and Mitch Colby

On a completely different end of the spectrum (at least when it comes to bodies), I’m also strongly drawn to the outrageously hot sexual tension that rages like a wildfire from the first second Mitch Colby  steps onto the mat with one-hit-wonder Marc Rion as the climax (and I mean climax!) of Mitch’s Wrestler Spotlight.  Holy shit, their bodies are both off the charts, and I don’t care how good of actors they are, there’s some genuine lust slapped down all over their naked bodies! They’re so hot for one another, in fact, that the wrestling is nearly tossed out the window, which would be a cardinal sin in my book. Happily, they manage to get some hot, dominating wrestling in on top of other cardinal sins, earning my profound pleasure and a competitive bid to be poster boys for my Valentines Day redux.

Just can’t hide it: Jared Curzon and Gabriel Ross
Boy toy Gabriel Ross also sometimes dances just this side of forgetting the wrestling in my wrestling fare. But he and Jared Curzon strike such a heart-melting scene in their Motel Madness UK 5 tussle! Again, they’re raging hot for one another from go, and they’re so fucking adorable as to be nearly too sweet to swallow. Get a load of Jared’s luscious ass and monster cock, however, and you’ll reconsider any reluctance to swallow that you might have had. The back and forth between passionate embrace and bearhug makes my heart (and other parts of my anatomy) pound, and I would have no trouble seeing them as the redeeming Valentine’s Day for homoerotic wrestling fans.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered: Sean Patrick and Bud Orton
It’s hard to make a list of wrestling matches with over the top sexual tension turned tender without seeing Sean Patrick show up at least once. The infamous “Kisser” of classic BG East days, Sean slapped his lips on his opponents’ time after time, clearly turned on by the intimacy of domination wrestling. Pretty much anything on Sean’s wrestling resume could qualify, but I think this shot of him from Sexy Showdown 4 making out with always amorous Bud Orton while simultaneously locking him up tight in an ass-up, body contorting, completely humiliating spladle seems like it could be the iconic image of the erotic component of homoerotic wrestling. Oh yeah, sweat pours off of them like Niagra falls and the wrestling is fucking fierce! How do you feel about Sean and Bud being Mr. and Mr. Valentine around here?
Three’s Company: Shane McCall, Brooklyn Bodywrecker
and Liam Ryan
Another image that I’ve remarked on many times on this blog is the victory celebration with tag team partners Shane McCall and Brooklyn Bodywrecker sucking face in Tag Team Torture 2 while one half of the losing team, sexy little Liam Ryan, sucks on Shane’s cock through his trunks. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, this story has GOT to be repeated, because there’s just nothing sexier than tag team partners/lovers battling for domination and getting more and more aroused as they pick to pieces and utterly humiliate their losing opponents (who are also lovers)! And eroticism in the ring is at least 20 times hotter than it is anywhere else, as far as I’m concerned! Maybe it’s not fair, but this pic proves the delightful possibility that the hottest homoerotic wrestling couple could easily be a threesome (or more)!  Shane, BBW and Liam get my nod as connecting all the dots between tender loving and hard slamming homoerotic wrestling.

Masks and Melting: The Enforcer and Blueboy

Again in the ring, the stunning image from Masked Mayhem 4 of Blueboy making big, bad bruiser Enforcer melt in the corner as he nibbles on his lips and prominent chin turns… me… ON! Two gorgeous bodies, masked in mystery and coated in sweat are a formula for arousing wrestling. But with Blueboy toying with the big heel’s nipple and leaning in close, crotch to crotch and tasting the hunky heel’s mouth, I’m totally turned into a blubbering romantic fool. Maybe Mr. and Mr. Valentines Day Wrestling Couple 2012 are hot, horny masked men?
Hurt So Good: Cruze/Jose and Patrick/Sean

Like I said, it’s hard not to have at least one Sean Patrick match on a list like this, and so here’s a second (with another recurring nominee).  I think of this as another iconic image in homoerotic wrestling from Tag Team Torture 1, with Jose and Cruze heaping agony and humiliation onto Sean and Patrick Donovan in the closing moments of their incredibly sexy victory. Stripped naked, locked into mirror image camel clutches and forced to kiss in the middle of the ring, Patrick and Sean prove that the erotic heat doesn’t have to come from opposite sides of the confrontation. Perhaps this is the most iconic image of homoerotic wrestling passion, and the winning “couple” is, in this case, a foursome of hot, horny, hung hunks with bodies locked together in gorgeous symmetry and power and complete domination.

So who do you think should get the nod? You only get one vote. Of course, these are only the nominees that came to my mind. You may have another set of favorites to suggest. So vote in the right margin, and if you select “other,” then name your wrestling picks for who should be Mr. and Mr. Valentines Day Wrestling Couple 2012.

Reader’s Choice

There was such a big showing in the polls for November’s Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month that I’m suspecting that there are wrestling fans out there who really want to get their voices heard. While this blog is mostly about my own tastes, I’m happy to offer opportunities for readers to influence the buzz on the scene. You can always post comments, of course, but to keep things fresh and competitive, here’s another reader’s choice poll. Since I’m always a big booster of scouting fresh faces, who do you think is the rookie with the most potential in homoerotic wrestling? I’ve narrowed the choices to consider only recent releases and wrestlers with no more than 2 matches already on the market. Vote in the right margin before the polls close on Monday morning. If you pick “other,” nominate your favorite rookie that I failed to mention by commenting to this post.

Thunder’s Arena’s Sirus

I haven’t seen Sirus wrestle yet at Thunder’s Arena, but he’s packing major ballast down below and those pouty lips and punk ass look are extremely intriguing.

BG East’s Gavin Keys

BG East recently released a whole Rookie Wreckers collection, so they’ve got a whole platoon of nominees to consider. Milky smooth babyface Gavin Keys, for example, looks almost too fresh and wreckable to believe!

Can-Am’s Derek Fox

Derek Fox starts his career getting crotch mauled by in-house sadist showman and workhorse, Jobe Zander. This tanned, Jersey Shore looking side of beef can certainly take a punch… and a kick, and a claw, and an elbow, and everything else crushing his crotch!

BG East’s Morgan Cruise

Morgan Cruise certainly captured my imagination in his rookie wrecking at the hands of reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Lon Dumont.  Hairy, beefy, and with a dimple-chinned handsomeness, I could imagine that Morgan might have a bright wrestling future ahead.

Thunder’s Arena’s Boxxy
The Thunder’s Arena’s fans have been lighting up the comment pages with abject worship of newcomer Boxxy. He’s about the size of any two of the other rookies under consideration here combined, with an ass and a European accent that will certainly inspire many of us to crave more of this powerful phenom.
BG East’s Dylon Roberts
Any rookie game for debuting in that gear seems to me to be ready to take the homoerotic wrestling world by storm. While the gear and the low hanging fruit are so notable, Dylon Roberts‘ hot as hell handsome face and delightfully sexy, lean body are quite a combination to make him a serious contender, I think.
Rock Hard Wrestling’s Gunner Bayani
Gunner Bayani has been on the scene at RHW for a few months, but he only has 2 releases to his credit thus far, so he just skates in as qualified for this poll. The name alone convinces me that this hot, hard, wicked fast and accomplished wrestler could have a bright, bright future ahead.
BG East’s Rafael Valmor
Sexy, sultry Rafael Valmor has already earned quite a few words of ecstatic praise from me around here, so I almost didn’t include him in this poll. But there’s no denying he qualifies, and on just his first match out of the gate he demonstrates an intuitive understanding and appreciation of homoerotic wrestling like few veterans of the business.
Can-Am’s Jimmy Clay
I haven’t seen Jimmy Clay’s Can-Am debut yet in a Pro Sex Fight with Michael Vineland, but he certainly has the look, and girth, to make me suspect he could have a future in the business… if Michael didn’t crush him so commandingly that he’s too scared to climb into the ring again.
Rock Hard Wrestling’s Nick Collins
Like Gunner, Nick Collins has been on the scene at Rock Hard for a while, but he’s only sporting two releases thus far. I can’t help but think of Nick as the lean, ripped younger brother of muscle stud and personal fantasyman of mine, Jake Jenkins. Nicky has a doe-in-the-headlights look about him that could make him a seriously hot commodity as a rookie jobber, possibly evolving into a legitimately competitive babyface, and give him another 5 years and 20 pounds of muscle, and let’s see him curl that upper lip and do a crazy hot heel turn.
BG East’s Timmy Cox
As for me, I can’t help but want to see Timmy Cox’s proof-of-age before I settle in to watch this curly-haired rookie get rude and raunchy with BG East “veteran” Jonah Richards. For many a fan, I know, that will make him particularly enticing and someone to see more of. What about you?
Did I miss someone (who meets eligibility, mind you!)? If there’s another rookie you’d like to vote for, check “other” to the right and name him in the comments below. Otherwise, register your vote for one of the above rookie sensations. Perhaps a groundswell of popular support will help one or more of these fine boys secure another contract to climb into the ring, onto the mats, and/or into our wrestling fantasies.

I Smell Sex and Candy

BG East’s Rafael Valmor
If there’s one thing the world could use more of, it’s a dark, curly haired, smolderingly sexy, hot, lean, Latin heart throb with a serious case of wrestling kink named Rafael. Rafael Valmor fills a need in me to see someone absolutely rank with sexual energy make a smokin’ hot rookie debut bringing every ounce of all-in homoerotic wrestling to the mat.

Sadly, I can’t actually smell the scene of rookie Rafael standing crotch-to-crotch and nose to nose as he faces off with Blaine Janus in Undagear 18, but I’m 100% convinced that the air is thick with the musk of hot, eager bodies already primed with sweat from an anticipatory pump of aroused adrenaline rushing through them as a result of both the fight and the fuck instincts.

Both Blaine and Rafael look like they’re famished from start to finish in this match up. I swear you can watch them swallow hard as they’re quite literally salivating, soaking in the sight of each other’s truly gorgeous bodies.  Blaine is absolutely desperate to taste Rafael’s lips, which I have no trouble at all understanding why. Over and over, the pale, blond veteran with a bodacious butt attempts (unsuccessfully) to exploit every advantage to swoop in and lock lips with the delicious rookie. Blaine is also clearly aching to feel every inch of Rafael’s body. He strokes the rookie’s crotch. He spreads his fingers wide and digs his fingertips into Rafael’s tight, athletic ass, even as the dark, curly haired hottie is bearhugging him and sending him crashing into the mat room walls.

There are plenty of times when I’m watching homoerotic wrestling and it occurs to me that the wrestlers are merely going through the motions. Sometimes, homoerotic wrestling, like porn itself, appears to be an obligatory stringing together of moves and half-heartedly recited lines (“How does that feel?”) that leave me fairly convinced that the boys are not only not into it themselves, but they aren’t particularly invested in helping me get into it either. Rafael’s tangle with Blaine is the opposite of that scenario. I believe from about 2.5 seconds after the scene opens to the very last millisecond of the mat tussle that these boys are hot for each other and aroused harder and harder as the hard fought wrestling battle heats up like a pot slowly rising to a boil.

I’ve also noticed (or at least, I’ve had the impression) that a good share of the rookies making their debuts in homoerotic wrestling are just a little reticent to throw themselves into the deep end. Sometimes, there’s a sense that a rookie intellectually knows that his task is to ride the homoerotic wrestling train, to sell not only the battle for domination, but also to sell the carnal, primal delight of controlling, feeling, and possessing his opponent’s body. But despite “knowing” this, it takes some rookies a while to really live into it. At times, rookies seem too ready to abandon a dominating hold, too ready to pass up the opportunity to humiliate, to expose, to grab and squeeze and express joy in exploiting their opponents’ vulnerabilities. Again, Rafael is not that rookie. He’s fucking loving this.

Rafael and Blaine are both stunning to watch. They’re intensely present, fully engaged in the 1-on-1 underwear battle to control each other. They work for each hold, each submission, every second on top like it matters to them every ounce as much as it matters to me. They’re coated in sweat, gasping for air, riding the rise and fall of tempers, pounding the mat in frustrated humiliation, and quite obviously experiencing the roaring engine of two libidos in warp drive. Again, I can’t literally smell it, but their exhausted, soaked bodies sliding across one another, as a very inspiring rookie plants his lips across his opponent’s lips on his own terms, fills my nostrils with the smell of homoerotic wrestling lusts. This hits the very center of the bullseye for me. Hope to see more of Rafael Valmor (in at least two meanings of that phrase) soon!