So Linda McMahon apparently is threatening to make a run as a Republican to unseat Connecticut Democratic Senator Chris Dodd. To rephrase, the CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, that brought us such socially profound icons as Hulk Hogan and Rick Rude (with lips painted across his ass), believes that she should be elected as a Republican Senator from Connecticut. From the makers of porn-star inspired Dolph Ziggler may come the next-coming of the self-righteous right.
The McMahons creep me out. Always have. And Linda’s commitment to strengthen the moralizing, hypocritical, gay-hating Republican caucus in the Senate is just despicable. Personally, I’d like to see all the gays who follow professional wrestling boycott WWE, and let’s see how lucrative the pre-teen straight male audience really is.
I’m not registered to vote in Connecticut (but I AM registered to vote! Are you!?), but there are public characters I’d much rather see duking it out in Senate chambers (whether from Connecticut or any other state). If we’re going to continue to elect our government officials from the ranks of megalomanicial entertainment figures (wait… that’s the plot of my celebrity wrestling fiction!), then I’d much prefer to start campaigning for one of these choice, potentially nutball celebrity bodies (I mean, figures):
Will Smith rocks. He put his money where President Obama’s mouth is, and he dumped a ton of his dough in helping the recovery after Hurricane Katrina. So he’s socially/politically minded. He also dabbles in Scientology, so he’s go that “I’m a potential nutball” factor that American voters seem to love. He’s also built a progressively hammer-hard bod since his days as a skinny rapper, so he’s very easy on the eyes. I vote for Will Smith for mayor (of whichever city he calls home right now… Stockholm!?)!
Sean Penn really ROCKS! Sean can’t help himself but inflame the right-wingers. From protesting the Iraq war to shmoozing with Hugo Chavez, Sean has a head for political activism. He’s also opened a can of whoop-ass on paparazzi on more than one occasion, and that’s the type of freak show I want to see in office. And did you see those biceps popping in Milk?! In case Rick Santorum tries to run for office again, I want Sean with a political title and a drop kick ready to knock him on his ass. I vote for Sean Penn for governor of California!
Joaquin Phoenix is a god! He’s militantly vegetarian (I’m swooning already!). He contributed to Dennis Kucinich’s campaign in 2004, so he’s a hopeless bleeding heart liberal. He’s gorgeous. And he’s totally gone off the deep end. We need to vote him into office before he’s committed to a mental hospital. Shave his beard, cut his hair, shower him down (I volunteer for that bit), and let’s elect this man President of the United States.
If Linda McMahon is a legitimate candidate for the U.S. Senate, then I say abandon all hope, all ye who believe in rational political discourse. If we’re determined to let the crazies run the world, let’s make sure they’re our kind of crazies! That’s the political tradition we’re growing to know and love, right?
Sidelineland 