This piece of bizarre from the New York Post grabbed my attention. The story reads, “NYC’s own superheroes.” Apparently, there are actual costume donning hero-types who walk around seeking to intervene on behalf of the forces of good. I’m a little unclear on a few points… for example, how does anyone in a superhero costume in NYC attempting to intervene in ANYTHING avoid getting a major ass-kicking?
Well, okay, this guy probably avoids a major ass-kicking because he’s a sexy piece of meat. “Dark Guardian,” as he calls himself, reportedly surveils Washington Square Park drug traffic. Being extra-conspicuous, both by wearing a superhero costume and by being a sexy little hunk of dark and handsome, probably helps to keep plenty of eyes on him, which in turn makes him less likely to be assaulted. I don’t have the research on that theory, but it makes sense to me.
I suspect DG bewilders his evil foes with the combination of crazy-mother-fucker and sexy-piece-of-ass personas. Apparently he’s all about doing good pro bono, but I think he could make it worth his time to hire himself out for some masked beatdowns in the ring. Not that I’m naming names, but I can think of at least one internet wrestling kinkster who writes homoerotic wrestling fiction who wouldn’t mind being DG’s arch-enemy. Let’s just call this supervillain “The Bard-inator,” and then picture the comic book panel with our villain’s arms locked across DG’s abdomen, lifting him off his feet in an excruciating rear bear hug.
There are apparently other masked hereos prowling the streets of New York who the Bard-inator would have in sights. Once Dark Guardian has been conquered and turned into his arch-enemy’s slave-toy, the two of them would almost certainly have to ambush the Camerman and Life in a dark, steamy alley. The Bard-inator would lay claim to personally destroy Life, piledriving the top of his head to the pavement, ripping off his mask, and similarly turning another white knight into a minion of the Bard-inator’s sexual conquest of all cocky do-gooders everywhere. Life… fiction… life.. fiction… whatever. Bring it on!
Sidelineland 