Apparently, Gabe Steel has met Zach Ramos before, but doesn’t remember him. Now, I’m a virtuoso when it comes to suspending disbelief. I can swallow a whole lot (figuratively speaking), but holy shit, the idea that someone could forget meeting Zach stretches even my professional-level imagination. He’s 6-foot, 200 pounds, and so fucking effortlessly sexy! The goatee. The ponytail. The slyly handsome face. And that ambition?! Fuck. “You’re going to be hearing a lot more of me,” Zach says, smirking in Gabe’s face. And then, when Zach explains that he’s going to make his name at BG East by kicking Gabe’s legendary ass in his debut match, I’m sold.

Zach’s BG East debut against Gabe takes place in the new release Ruff ‘N’ Raunchy 7. The match catches me by surprise for a few reasons. For one reason, Gabe has been eating up and chewing out newbies lately, and I was totally expecting a steam roller of a match. Not that Gabe can’t take a lot, but he’s just been dishing it out so much lately. He’s proven he can squash an outmatched newbie with panache. He looks bigger, harder, and stronger in every match. The next BGE Wrestlefest, save this hunk a seat on the heel bench. So squaring off against another hot newbie babyface has “one-sided romp” written all over it. And early days, it totally reads that way when Gabe muscle bullies the big, pretty boy relentlessly. He has 200 pound Zach off his feet in a bearhug within seconds. He suplexes the rookie with abandon, planting the boy’s lower lumbar inches deep into the ring. And, no shit, within the first couple of minutes, he manhandles Zach suspended upside down and delivers a piledriver to the stunned stud. “I thought you were going to do something, that you were going to make a name for yourself.” Big Gabe has already busted out a sweaty sheen, crowing and sneering over the bashed babyface at his feet. “Still waiting!”

But, just when I’m settled in only half paying attention because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie before, Zach stops taking punches and starts delivering them. Just when Gabe has peeled him off the mat like roadkill and has him kneeling at his feet, the rookie starts punching the rock hard wall of Gabe’s gut, and he just doesn’t stop! The punches connect. I’m fucking sold, watching coiled Zach unspool a roundhouse that lifts Gabe off his feet. He beats the big man down with sheer nerve and conviction and has him in a cradle pin that Gabe is too rocked to kick out of. He pries the rising muscle heel apart, joint by joint, with a kneeling surfboard, literally, gleefully, genuinely laughing when Gabe tries to muscle his way to an escape and can’t pull it off. “When I’m done with you, everyone’s going to know my name!”

So Zach packing serious offense and big, big personality to match that big, beautiful body is surprise #1 for me. Surprise #2 is how relentlessly erotic this match turns. It’s like the pull of gravity sending a satellite plunging back to earth, it’s just so fucking irresistible. So, sure, it’s in the Ruff ‘N’ Raunchy product line, so I’m expecting this to turn way sexy. But fuck, I was NOT expecting this! Both hunks go for broke targeting each other’s balls, which isn’t the surprising part. They both get super handsy, shoving their mitts inside each other’s pouches and squeezing the obvious excitement they’re both experiencing harder and harder (again, this ISN’T really the surprising part for me). The crotch-to-crotch grinding, pounding, that fine line between raging domination and just careening toward getting off on each other’s suffering starts to take me a bit by surprise, not so much because it happens, but the ferocity with which it keeps happening. But when the hands on the crotch stop squeezing and start stroking, it absolutely catches me off guard. When the trunks come off and the wrestling continues, every inch of their bodies explored and displayed… fuck, yeah, that was more intense than I expected…

…but holy fuck, when Zach is suspended naked in an inverted bearhug and forced (fuck, no one is telling me he’s not loving his job right then, though) to give the infamous heel head while he hangs there, I’m genuinely surprised by the level of intimacy, strength, and acrobatics. And then, mid-servicing, Gabe delivers a gorgeous, naked piledriver to the rookie!?!? Holy fuck, maybe the biggest surprise for me is that Gabe’s cock is still attached, because I was seriously worried how a mid-fellatio piledriver might turn out for either/both of them.

Zach lands with full on personality. That almost unhinged little spontaneous laugh of his absolutely sends me, making me buy that he’s thrilled to be putting his ass on the line in this bid to establish himself as a BG East wrestler to be remembered. And, sure, maybe, just maybe, I can’t help but identify with him, coming face-to-face with an A-List gay who can’t be bothered to even remember that they’ve met before, and beating the living shit out of him, savoring the moment of Gabe’s suffering on behalf of all of us not quite (yet) impressive enough for a cocky white party it-boy to recall his name.

I’m not saying he comes out on top in this match. But I will put money down on the fact that Gabe is going to remember the name Zach Ramos from this point onward. And the name Zach Ramos is certainly lingering on my lips. Get this gorgeous side of beef back into the ring, pronto!