I started episode 3 of Sidelineland Sounds sampling the exquisite suffering of Drake Marcos at the hands of Shane McCall in BG East’s Demolition 27. In the podcast, I mentioned that I have this running back and forth with Drake that I think he’s way overdue for a heel turn, and I know for a fact he can be a mean, punishing fucker. Well, I heard from a wrestler named Rocko Mortis soon afterward, telling me if I’ve been waiting to see Drake heel, I need to check out Rocko’s recently released match with Drake on Watchfighters.

In The Jobber’s Jobber, Rocko shows up to take on Drake as a stepping stone to Rocko making a name for himself in underground wrestling. “The famous Drake Marcos,” he says with a contemptuous sneer, bumping foreheads with Drake in the middle of the ring and daring the veteran to blink. I had the pleasure of crossing paths with Drake a couple of times at Wrestlefest NYC last February, but this is my first chance seeing him in action since I last saw him wrestling for BGE and W4H several years ago. He’s as handsome as ever, maybe even more so, in the way that some guys just look more and more like a boss the older they get. He’s bigger than I’ve seen him wrestle before, and in a fun script-flip from his early wrestling career, he most definitely owns the size advantage over rookie Rocko. What really grabs me in the opening stare down, though, is the smile on Drake’s face. It’s bright, bordering on delighted, as he stares at his challenger. I’ve seen that full on look of unabashed excitement on Drake’s face before, and it’s the look of someone who’s already picturing how he’s going to fuck up and humiliate an opponent. Sure, sure, Drake’s wrestling record doesn’t have a lot of examples of him actually pulling that off, but it’s clear from the start that Drake’s pretty sure he’s got Rocko’s number.

Rocko is called a “newbie brawler” in the match description on Watchfighters, and it’s apt. He’s all blunt force and shock-and-awe, with a little edge of nearly-unhinged about him. Within seconds of them scrambling at the start, Rocko takes Drake’s back and has the veteran in a full nelson, and suddenly this is feeling so, so familiar (speaking as someone who’s watched Drake’s entire BGE catalog). “Seems like you’re a little rusty after all those years,” Rocko gloats, wringing the big man out. “Yeah, yeah, it’s been a minute,” Drake admits in this flash of authenticity and immediacy that reminds me of a few more reasons I’ve always enjoyed his wrestling. It doesn’t cost him a penny to admit that it’s been a while since he was battling it out in the ring like this, and that flash of honesty is worth twenty other wrestlers who spend their matches trying to convince themselves and their opponents that they’re invincible and unassailable. Drake can lose. He’s lost plenty in the past. So it’s not like he’s giving away ground to let Rocko’s taunt bounce off of him.

But holy fuck, Rocko’s eating his words when “rusty” Drake busts out of the nelson and slams the brawler to his back with authority. Nobody’s lightweight any longer, Drake nails the rookie to the mat in a schoolboy pin and slaps Rocko in the face hard. “Who the fuck do you think you are!?,” Drake demands with sudden passionate rage that grabs everyone’s attention. “I’m sick and tired of people underestimating me and thinking I’m just a stepping stone!” Like I said in Sidelineland Sounds episode 3, Drakes got a ton of technique and skills, and he starts to fucking roll all over the impudent rookie. He wrings Rocko out like laundry in those bodyscissors of his that may, or may not, have cracked one of my ribs many years ago. He manhandles the squirming rookie into a nasty Boston crab, cranking on Rocko’s spine and letting gravity and his new heavyweight status drive the rookie to the edge of panic. At one point, Drake breaks the 4th wall and stares into the camera with that hungry look of sheer delight I mentioned earlier and gloats, “You see? This is how you tame a fucking jobber!”

It’s a back and forth battle, but seriously Rocko’s pushing a boulder uphill against a bigger and badder Drake Marcos with nothing to lose. I’ve been on record many times, in text and now in audio, admiring Drake’s famous suffering sell, but holy fuck, Rocko tells the story in this match! He’s legit getting buried under an avalanche of pent up jobber frustration Drake’s been letting accumulate for years, apparently, and Rocko goes through every stage of grief in rapid succession. “No! NO!,” he screams as if he can deny he’s getting thrashed relentlessly. “Get off me! Get off me!,” he demands in an attempt to bargain with Drake, with this adorable note of command in his voice, like just by sheer force of will he can convince his opponent to obey him. He rages and roars like the Incredible Hulk about to rip off the tattered remains of his clothes and go ape shit on his bully. And as Drake is wearing him down to a raw nub, Rocko starts pleading and begging, “Oh, no, please! Please, no!” Damn, he’s all in so hard I almost start to feel sorry for him. Until he gets a reversal…

Holy fuck, Rocko on the pitching mound, working offense and laying down some hot, hard punishment on Drake is almost as compelling as his suffering sell. He laughs like a Batman villain, with this spontaneity that borders on maniacal. “Is this a pin?,” he snarls down when he’s got Drake flat on his back and unable to dislodge the rookie. It’s a rhetorical question, meant to point out the obvious fact that Drake is in danger of picking up his jobber career where he left off, and newbie Rocko is chomping at the bit to use this rookie victory to climb to the next rung on the ladder of being the sadistic, unhinged brawler bully he aspires to be. Rocko’s got a vicious mean streak that I suspect is attached to nerve endings in his crotch, because he sure seems to be getting off on making Drake hurt.

So, like I mentioned, Rocko gave me a heads up that we’ll see Drake’s heel turn in this match, and it’s sweetly satisfying after I’ve been anticipating it all of these years. He wears the would-be bully brawler out and leaves Rocko in that final stage of grief, bitterly accepting that the most infamous jobber in homoerotic wrestling just pulverized him. “Let’s leave everyone on fucking notice that Drake Marcos is fucking back!” It’ll come as no surprise to regular readers that I strongly endorse Drake’s repetitious use of “fucking” to drive home the point that there’s a whole new Drake Marcos climbing into the ring in 2024. “Clean yourself up bitch,” he snarls at Rocko as he walks away, writing his own script and being is own badass wrestling heel self.

The Jobber’s Jobber is intense and fun and chaotic and spontaneous. There are no washboard abs, so if you need that, this may not be for you. But if you like hard, mean, ego-fueled brawling with heavy doses of shattered dreams and brutal punishment to the point of weeping panic, this is most definitely for you.