I never win shit. I assume all games of chance, lotteries, and sweepstakes are rigged, because I have never won anything my entire life. I realize that’s not exactly how the laws of probability operate, but fuck it. It’s all rigged, I tell you! So, imagine my surprise to learn I’d won the raffle of a free video from the Beastyboy channel on Watchfighters! When AdamPhotographyX, who manages the Beastyboy channel, mentioned on IG that they were raffling off a free video to someone who likes a certain post and follows the Beastyboy channel on WF, I’d already impulsively liked the pic and have been following the channel for a while now. To my delight, AdamPhotographyX messaged me a few days later to notify me I was the winner! Could it be possible that the fact I post reviews of hot wrestling videos here could have possibly biased the results of the raffle? I prefer believe that, occasionally, random odds actually are in my favor.

Beastyboy vs Joey Mason – No Mercy is so fucking intimate, I feel like I’ve been there in bed with these two rough and ready pretty boys. The match all takes place on Beastyboy’s bed. We know it’s his bed, because there’s a photo of the man he admires most on the wall next to his bed: Beastyboy, himself. Which, when I think about it, strikes me as strangely sexy, because I’d never think to hang a 8×10 of myself on the wall behind my bed. The kid’s got narcissist DNA in him, clearly. We know that not only from the photo, but Beastyboy is literally making out with his biceps and looking like he’d fuck his tight, muscled body if only human anatomy and physiology would allow it. He taunts Joey, kneeling there in front of him on his bed. Beastyboy pretends he needs a magnifying glass to be able to see Joey’s hot little baseball biceps. With this sexy, cocky sneer across his lush lips, he explains “I’m going to show you how to wrestle properly, ’cause it seems like you don’t even know.” Joey looks super chill in response, but fuck, Beastyboy’s withering trashtalk just keeps smacking Joey in the face like a firehose. “You’re going to worship these biceps,” Beastyboy promises, already doing a decent job of that himself.

I’ve seen and admired Beastyboy before. He’s got that intensely sexy combination of achingly pretty prettyboy face paired boldly with his ripped, compact body, hairy legs, and sensationally in-your-face body art covering the backs of his arms, shoulders, and pecs. I can almost predict which of you is going to leave a comment bitching about Beastyboy’s tats being too much, but let me just stop you right there. This is a body art no-hate zone. And there’s something intensely all-in about a prettyboy investing that much time and money into his ink. It doesn’t take deciphering his snarling punk accent to know he fancies himself a bad boy to be feared. Although I’ve seen him before, I’ve never appreciated the heft he swings around in the pouch of his boxer briefs there. The boy is packing heat, but this isn’t the type of video where we get to see it unleashed. He’s aggressive, and he’s shoveling down trashtalk, and it just doesn’t get any more home field advantage than literally squaring off on his own bed.

There are two breakout stars of this 16 minute video as far as I’m concerned, though. The first is Joey’s world class ass. FUCK, that’s got to be one of the prettiest butts I’ve ever seen, and you now that I have studied A LOT of asses in my day! Joey’s wearing this fashion forward D.M. jockstrap that I seriously can’t take my eyes off of. From the front and the back, Joey is just mouthwateringly gorgeous, but yeah, again, that ass is a fucking work of art. Beastyboy spanks it a couple of times in the next 16 minutes, but honestly, I feel like Beastyboy is heeling me by not paying Joey’s top shelf glutes all the attention they deserve. Again, it’s not that kind of wrestling video, but fuck… I’m obsessing about seeing Joey plant those glutes on his opponent’s face, AND take some serious spanking over an opponent’s knee, AND maybe getting a rock hard rod grinding between those lovely globes of muscle. I’ve watched the video through a few times now (with occasional breaks to clean myself off), and honestly, it’s hard for me not to just stare at Joey’s ass the entire 16 minutes.

But when I am able to tear my gaze away, the other breakout star that totally catches me off guard in this match is Joey’s barber. The prettyboy’s haircut is so fucking fine. That part is so sharp you could cut glass with it! I’m not entirely sure why I’m fixated on that laser straight part and that super sexy, sweet fade. I almost feel as compelled to rub my palm over the stubble as I do to dig my claws into his ass cheeks (so, A LOT). It’s just long enough on top for Beastyboy to grab hold and jerk him around by it a few times. I think part of what grabs me so hard is Joey’s haircut is almost as audaciously all-in as Beastyboy’s ink, in it’s own way. It’s a signal to youth and vigor. It’s a cut that you always go back to the same barber for and are willing to pay a little extra, because you just look so fucking fine with it. I can hear my friends who know me IRL already speculating that I’m fixated on Joey’s hair because he has a whole lot more of it than I do. I’ll smack those friends around later, but in the meantime, I’ll just say that cut looks like Joey is brand new to this whole adulting thing, but he’s off to a sensational start with a sexy fuck body and a superfine haircut to compliment his naturally gorgeous good looks.

The context of the confrontation is really Beastyboy punching way above his weight class, with seasoned schoolyard bully Joey just biding his time to slap the boy down. Still in his painstakingly and deliberately placed basedball cap on sideways and his supertight black undershirt, Joey starts beating back Beastyboy’s overhyped trashtalk with this deep, snarling contempt. I can’t always understand what Joey’s saying because of the thick accent (his and/or mine, I realize), but what I do catch is crotch-twitching bully boy. “How ’bout I smack your fucking mouth in a minute if you’re still talking that same ol’ shit?” He interrupts his opponent’s relentless monologue with barely contained threat. He suddenly snags Beastyboy in a side headlock that instantly turns the tatted narcissist into a sniveling, whimpering bitch. “I fucking told you,” Joey calmly explains, cranking on the kid’s skull. “Don’t fuck with me!” He flexes that bicep Beastyboy was claiming he couldn’t find with a magnifying glass seconds earlier. “Talk to my lads, boy! Yeah? You fucking pussy! You fucking fool. You little Bitchboy. You fucking punk. Who the fuck do you think you are!?” Fuuuuck, Beastyboy (who will forever hence come to mind for me as Bitchboy) is wailing and flailing and whimpering, making Joey’s cold, deep, street smart trashtalk absolutely snap my cock to attention.

So, that was the story I was totally tucked into savor, but then Beastyboy punches Joey in the pouch of his designer jock strap, and the dazzlingy pretty boy with that perfect haircut doesn’t resurface for the next 13 minutes. You know that super irritating gloating tone a sniveling punk takes when he’s cheated his way back on top (American politics aside)? Yeah, fuck. Beastboy’s projectile vomiting of overly effortful trashtalk cannot be stopped. “I warned you,” he snarls breathlessly, still recovering from nearly getting his skull twisted off his spine, before starting to gut punch Joey’s flat stomach. Honestly, for this makeshift beat-you-up-on-my-bed context, Beastyboy works some sweetly hot holds. Breath-stealing bodyscissors, a hot armbar threatening to snap Joey at the elbow, a Boston crab with Joey biting the mattress in agony… some super hot beats. There are multiple headscissors, bodyscissors, gut stomping, and bearhugs.

Beastyboy is relentless. He looks like the seasoned veteran of underground wrestling that he is, frankly. He keeps the pressure and the pacing intense. Some might say Joey doesn’t always sell enough. He is, at times, perhaps a little too quick to be helpless, too passive. He suffers hard during an intense hold, but it’s the transitions between that he’s got nothing in the tank even if he was trying to kick and punch his way free just second earlier. If you’re one of those Joey haters, fuck you, because that boy can get away with a whole lot worse as far as I’m concerned, just banking on how fucking mouthwatering that ass of his is. I mean, sweet FUCK, I am, at times, wanting to reach through the screen and shove Beastyboy out of the way to clear my line of sight to Joey’s luscious ass. There’s a point at which Beastyboy is wringing Joey out in a belly-to-back bearhug, and Joey’s salesmanship this time is right on point. He looks like he’s struggling to breathe, eyes wide with just a twinge of panic. And I’m literally screaming at Beastboy to TURN HIM AROUND! And apparently through from across the Atlantic, Beastyboy heard me, because the next thing he does his take Joey from the front into a belly-to-belly bearhug. But… he keeps that magnificent ass pointed away from the camera!!!? Do you see what I mean about Beastyboy heeling ME in this match? Fuck.

Okay, complaints aside, Beastyboy treats me to some sweet touring of Joey’s gorgeous body after all. The Boston crab set-ups showcase the moneymaker here sufficiently to make me press pause and rewind. He FINALLY rips that undershirt off of Joey almost exactly halfway through the video, so there’s nothing but that insanely sexy jock strap, tube socks, and totally useless lightweight MMA gloves to keep me from eye fucking every last inch of him. For a badass bully annihilated theme, it’s sweetly told with buckets full of eye candy. A couple of early feints don’t play out, so just be forewarned. Despite the hot assed bully’s promise, Joey does not finally smack Beastyboy in the mouth for continuing to talk “that same ol’ shit.” If that day ever comes (or if it’s already come and there’s another video for me to obsess over), I am absolutely here for it. Joey shoveling contempt as he bully’s a whimpering, hardbodied mate in need of an attitude adjustment sounds scorchingly hot to me. Another early promise that doesn’t pan out is Beastboy swearing that he’s going to make Joey worship his muscles. Honestly, I’m here for that as well, but this is not that type of video, as I’ve mentioned. For what it is though, it’s hot and intimate and intense. It’s got notes of frat house hazing and bully revenge, but it’s not quite either of those. Plenty of homoerotic wrestling fans will almost certainly be hypnotized by Beastyboy’s hefty, swinging package that goes along for the ride. But out of the dozen times I’ve watched this, it’s Joey Mason’s baby face, bodacious butt, and that sharp as fresh cut glass part in his hair that keep me coming back for more.