I have a continuous awards show running in the back of my head (is that insane?). For best homoerotic casting in a major motion picture: Interview with the Vampire, featuring Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas, Christian Slater, and Tom Cruise (now THAT’S insane!) in lustful adoration of one another. A prior winner of that award had been Legends of the Fall, starring Brad Pitt’s butt, Aidan Quinn’s milky blue eyes, and Henry Thomas making me feel guilty for lusting after E.T.’s buddy. Obviously, for best homoerotic casting in a television drama: True Blood (the list of gorgeous hunks goes on and on…).
I’m finding the need to add a new category. For best homoerotic directing/acting ensemble in a motion picture: A Single Man. I haven’t seen the film yet, but I’ve lusted after director/designer Tom Ford since his bare-assed photo shoot in Out Magazine.
And Colin Firth, God bless him, has been turning my crank with those puppy dog eyes ever since his fantastically sick, homo-fetish fantasy portrayal in Apartment Zero.
I totally sympathize with Colin’s character (which probably says something disturbing about me). If I had young, clever, beautiful Hart Bochner move in as my roommate, I’d become totally, insanely obsessed with him as well.
And then throw in one of my newer crushes, Matthew Goode. I’m still writing an alternate ending to Watchmen so that his character, Ozymandias (who sees himself as a new Alexander the Great), can consummate a super-heroical alliance with radioactive musclehead, Dr. Manhattan (I’m just writing it in my head… so don’t ask for a copy…).
If it were just Colin and Matthew, even as gay characters, A Single Man might not rate a trophy in the awards show in the back of my head. But throw in gorgeous director Tom Ford giving the stars coaching tips on making their makeout scenes believably gay, and… well, a new category of prize-worthy performance is born.
I hope the film is equally as entertaining as the idea of the the casting/directing ensemble! I vote for Colin’s next appearance to be in the World Gravy Wrestling tournament next year.
Sidelineland 
