The oppressive summer heat has arrived across almost all of the United States, including my normally moderate little corner. I’m not a fan of serious summer heat. I much prefer to generate my own.
My workplace is not air conditioned, which accounts for some of my unhappiness with the heat. Still, working inside, there are options that aren’t available to the fine folks whose labors require them to be outside. In their honor, I’ll resist the temptation to whine… too much.
But what to do when the heat sucks the energy out of you and you find yourself sweating while sitting absolutely still? Like Cristiano Ronaldo, you can always just grab a hose and wet down your massively muscled legs and the side of beef you’re smuggling in your trunks.
Or like Aussie Hugh Jackman, soak your glistening, hairy, hard muscles from head to toe by frolicking in the ocean.
Admittedly, finding the nearest muscle hunk and offering to lather him up with sunscreen may not cool things off, but it’s certainly a way to turn lemons into lemonade, now, isn’t it?
Lathering up your own sweet pecs and mounded arms is always a good idea, as well. I’m all about skin health. If you do it real slow, pinching your nipples a little as you go, the sun screen covers better (I swear… just try it, you’ll see).
Like rugby musclegod, Ben Cohen (appearing in a wrestling fantasy near you), you could let your inner child (encased in your hairy, hunky, brick house of a body) bust out on a water slide.
Did I mention frolicking in the ocean making sure every inch of your rippled muscles get good and wet? It’s worth mentioning again.
Finally, perhaps the best way to beat the heat is with some naked sword play in a cool, dark space. However you cope, I hope that you regulate your temperature effectively… cool when you need to be cool, and hot when you’re in the mood to get hot.
Sidelineland 