Mike Rowe – Sidelineland

My fixation on pecs is fading, but one last post on the topic that has captured my attention lately. While I don’t support cosmetic surgery, implants, or other artificial means to enforce only one standard of beauty, I am a big supporter of good personal grooming. It doesn’t take a big effort to keep hairy chests tamed. I’m not suggesting that any hair makes for ugly pecs. In fact there are excellent examples of beautifully hairy-chested men. I’ve been contemplating a reality-TV host battle royal in my wrestling fiction, the Producer’s Ring, to pull Mike Rowe into the story. Hirsute Aussie Hugh Jackman is already a fan favorite in the Ring. My hunch is that both of these hotties groom extensively, yet maintain beautifully hairy chests.

But when all one can see is hair, it’s time to get out the trimmer. Alec Baldwin in his younger days was so handsome, but the only thing visible below the neck was that carpet of hair. You could lose an earring in there if you’re not careful.

Justin Theroux has a fantastic body, and different shots of him show that he sometimes shaves his chest, sometimes not. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of the view of that anatomy-chart of a body, he can do ANYTHING he’d like. Justin has made one appearance in my wrestling fiction, the Producer’s Ring, mostly as an excuse to write up some body worship.

Then again, sometimes an entirely bare chest is a little creepy. It could be that he’s naturally blond and his body hair just isn’t so visible (or he’s still waiting for puberty to finish), but Hunter Parrish’s hairless bod creeps me out just a bit. Hunter shows up as a jobber a few times in the Producer’s Ring. There’s something about him getting worked over that’s very satisfying.

Finally, I want to mention my deep appreciation of the beautiful rack on Tahmoh Penikett. I suspect his First Nation heritage might account for his minimal body hair, but from some angles, you can catch just an ever-so-light patch of hair just between his gorgeous pecs, right above his sternum. Tahmoh figured in one of the first matches I wrote up for the Producer’s Ring, and as I think he’ll be making a follow up appearance soon.

Speaking of obsessing over body parts, I’m a big advocate for the real deal. My best guess is that Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs (and Ford commercials) is 100% real and sports entirely worship-worthy pecs. Every attempt to find a shortcut to crafting a hot male body falls short. The body is so beautiful because it lives and grows and responds, so slicing it open and sticking in a bag of silicone just doesn’t cut it (so to speak). Check out these before and after shots of this dude’s chest.

Seriously, now, the before shots look so much better! What a shame. It looks like someone blew air into his upper pecs like a beach ball.

When it comes to “supplements,” I think some guys manage them better than others. I’m sure a lot of the models, wrestlers and actors I lust after get an artificial boost to enhance their workouts and fill out their curves. But when it goes overboard, when a body packs on more muscle mass than the frame can reasonably hold, when pecs start looking like breasts and guys have to swing their legs from side to side to walk a straight line because their thighs are so thick… well, that’s really not so sexy. I’m sure that gay men like me that obsess about big, beautiful muscle men contribute to the body-facism that has crept into masculinity in the same way it has long been part of feminity. But as for me, the nips, tucks, implants and hormones aren’t nearly as sexy as the hot, hard working, beautifully imperfect male form. Give me Mike Rowe covered in mud, naked in the shower any day!