I feel like I see Austin Cooper everywhere. So, seeing him star in the BG East Comeback series (have I mentioned how THRILLED I am this is a series now?) was a head-tilt moment for me. Not that he wasn’t missed, but his presence is just so fucking huge in wrestling-for-gay-eyes that it feels like he’s just always been there and always will be. Which, of course, isn’t the case. I remember catching sight of him for the first time at Rock Hard Wrestling 14 years ago. Then, when about a year later he and his buddy Jake Jenkins double-debuted at BGE against one another in Ripped Rookies 1, Austin just seemed to become an immediate fixture. He’s wrestled across pretty much every platform I’ve tracked in the intervening years. His footprint on the industry is just fucking huge. He’s gotta be one of the most recorded homoerotic wrestlers ever, right? Maybe that’s just me being obsessed about him.
He’s clearly stepped away for a couple of beats, at least, though, because this is not the same old Coop showing up in the BG East Gazebo for The Comeback 4. BG East says he’s 175 pounds, just 10 pounds heavier than what he was listed when his was a ripped rookie back in that day. He looks bigger than that to me, by a lot. He’s a total muscle beast now. Like, even when he used to heel viciously, he was indisputably pretty. Now, pretty just doesn’t cut it. He looks like those significantly thicker muscles have got their own gravitational pull. He’s so fucking big, in the right way. Like, he’s got a muscle belly now, abs when flexing, and solid-as-fuck muscle gut when he’s not. I throw around the metaphor “tree trunk thighs” too often, I realize, but no shit… like Douglas Firs. I feel a little sorry for hunky little Sean Chen when this new iteration of Coop steps into the Gazebo. Sean’s a beefy kid himself, with juicy hot pecs, but fuck… Coop just looks like an avalanche about to crash down on him.
The story is pretty hilarious-turned brutal. Sean’s supposedly a total newbie. Coop sounds suspiciously un-Coop-like when he offers to go easy on the new kid, teach him a few things, ease him into the scene like only someone with the unprecedented credentials of Austin Cooper can do. And, no shit, it has a friendly vibe to it at the start. Sean’s fucking solid enough to sort of hold his ground, but Coop’s got the speed, agility, and move set of a seasoned veteran. Coop brings the kid along, clearly letting Sean try out some holds, plays catch and release with this new kid, just a little warm up of Coop’s new muscle beast bod, I suppose. Clearly, if push comes to shove, Coop is going to roll all over adorable Sean, but it’s just a friendly training session, right?
Then “accidents” start happening. Coop is charging in to snag Sean into those gargantuan arms of his when the kid sort of stumbles out of the way at the last second, sending Coop face-first into the gazebo post. Coop’s a bit suspicious that the newbie did it on purpose, but gives him a pass. A couple of minutes later when Coop clearly is letting Sean see what he can do with the veteran in a rear naked choke, Sean accidentally slams a heel into Coop’s balls. Coop’s more suspicious now, gives him a very reluctant pass this time as Sean’s falling over himself to apologize. Then from a standing position, Coop swoops in with that decisive speed of his and sweeps one of Sean’s legs out from underneath the kid. Sean’s other leg flails as he’s going down, and that foot slams solidly into Coop’s balls. Again. Hard. The veteran’s jaw is just dangling there, as he chokes on the shocked pain. And plucky little Sean just shrugs and says to no one, “Fuck it. Whatever! I’ll just use these accidents to my advantage!”
And with that, this shit gets real, fast. Hunky Sean has the audacity to schoolboy Coop (Austin Cooper!), balls resting on Austin’s bearded chin. The kid literally does push-ups with his crotch grinding into the veteran’s face. And fuck, Sean’s enjoying himself! There could totally be a little baby heel lurking inside those big beefy pecs on the kid.
I hope it was worth it, because an even bigger Austin Cooper opens up a can of whoop ass on the rookie that’s classic-Coop, dialed up to 11. Any doubts I had that Coop mellowed on sabbatical are quickly put to rest. “Five accidents!?” Coop spits. He isn’t buying the rookie’s pleading contrition anymore. He absolutely manhandles hunky little Sean. The plummeting OTK, flung down across Coop’s thigh looks like it will absolutely require chiropractic intervention, if not surgery. He doesn’t give the “accidental rookie” a break, throwing him down and instantly lifting the kid’s beefy legs by the ankles. A savage knee to the balls makes Sean bounce and writhe in horror. “That was an accident,” Coop snarls insincerely, “just so you know.”
Great to make hunky Sean’s acquaintance in his BG East debut, and hope to see more of him and those meaty pecs. We may all owe Sean a debt of gratitude, because if there was any chance Austin Cooper might have mellowed with age, that he might be a gentler, giant-er muscle beast upon his return to wrestle in front of the camera, Sean’s clumsy (or calculated?) accidents most definitely relighted the fire in Coop. It’s Austin Cooper every bit as talented, with every last hold and maneuver, all that lightning fast speed and his boiling, contemptuous rage ready to spill over, just bigger, badder, and even more unstoppable than before!
Sidelineland 