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Name That Ass

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You know the set up. Based on scant evidence, see if you can identify the homoerotic wrestlers to whom  these fine glutes belong. Never played before? You might want to take some practice quizzes first, just to bone up on wrestling asses. As always, I’ll post the answers tomorrow. The first person to identify all five wrestlers below before the answers are posted, in addition to the opponents in the matches pictured, will not only get bragging rights as teacher’s pet, but I’ll also write you a custom, made-to-order fictional homoerotic wrestling match. Today’s quiz is a theme set, comprised entirely of “classics,” iconic homoerotic wrestlers. This is an open-book quiz, so feel free to consult your notes. Let me know how you do by dropping your answers in the comments below or by sending me an email. Good luck!
Ass #1:
I’ve been hard on this homoerotic wrestling ass… so to speak. However, this wrestler is undeniably prolific, and indisputably gorgeous, and like it or not, he is, at the very least, a fixture, if not an icon, in homoerotic wrestling. 5’10”, 170 pounds, smooth, lickable skin… he’s appropriately very proud of his granite carved abs, which he enjoys dusting off dismissively after squeezing out a submission from his opponent. If it weren’t for that cheesy smirk that creeps across his face far too often, I’d be a bigger fan. But I’m liking his most recent work, and hoping that his quality of wrestling starts to elevate to the quantity of this wrestling. I figure even novices know this ass, but identifying his opponent will be the challenge for intermediate students of homoerotic wrestling asses.
Ass #2:
These gorgeous round cheeks have haunted my dreams. Really, I’ve had dreams starring this classic homoerotic wrestler, and they’ve been fantastically memorable.  He’s listed at 5’6″ and 165 pounds of aesthetically perfect muscle, but his proportions make him look a half foot taller than that, in my opinion. In addition to qualifying in my book as a muscle god, he was also a muscle jobber with a lot of personality. He always sold me convincingly the story of a cocky stud used to getting his way on looks and strength, astonished to discover himself on the bad end of a humiliating beating. He was wrestling an opponent here who was in his debut match (the opponent only tallied three matches in all). What a lucky, lucky boy to be initiated into homoerotic wrestling with this hunk’s cock crushed against your face!

Ass #3:
This homoerotic wrestling ass has provided me what must add up to years of entertainment (counting all the repeat viewings). Iconic as hell, this pornboy always rocked me. I remember seeing his ads in the back of muscle mags as a kid, selling his “workout and lifestyle” videos. At 5’10” and reportedly 202 pounds of big, thick muscle, when he slapped his balls down on top of this particular opponent’s nose, I was in heaven. I own this match. I love this match. Iconic muscle stud v iconic muscle god. Both of them snarling, humiliating, craving the opportunity to fuck the other one senseless. I think you can still find this product from the original distributor, or through a more prominent homoerotic wrestling company selling them these days. You can tell me either name under which he wrestled, and any of the multiple spellings of either name that I can find in print, and still get full credit.
Ass #4:

Iconic? in my mind, absolutely. I had a crush on this blond muscle boy the instant I saw him. I wasted way too much cash with my early introduction to porn-on-demand by watching and re-watching his Triple Play. This pornboy did quite a bit of “bi” porn, which speaks absolutely nothing to me. But his wrestling was hot, if only sometimes competitive. In the match pictured, he was in a tag team bout with another iconic muscle pornboy, facing off against some Eastern European phenoms (go ahead, name them all… show off a little). Most of the pics I can find from this match show someone’s hand squeezing this fine ass, which I totally understand.
Ass #5:
Does this ass look familiar? The gargantuan python stretching the fabric of his viciously wedgied trunks from the front could very well give this away. You’d be forgiven for not remembering the ass, in fact, due to the astonishing sight of this fantastic homoerotic wrestling hunk from the front, once the trunks come off, which they usually did. He’s listed at 5’10” and 174 pounds, but I think more memorable would have been the stats on his stunning cock (I’d guess 9 inches and 3 pounds). He was very productive in homoerotic wrestling, appearing in 17 or so matches. He was a nasty heel with a predilection for clawing at an opponent’s abs like pulling pork off the bone. The shiny sheen on the bodies in this pic should make it simple enough to narrow down the opponent… once you’ve identified the ass in question.
It’s all fun and games, so feel free to post what you come up with. I’m quick with praise and humiliate underperforming students only if that’s what they get off on. Good luck!

A Knockout

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Photographer Joe Oppedisano simply connects all the dots between wrestling/fighting and homoerotic kink. In addition to some sweet, tasty pics (look under photos/artistic/Knockout), you can also appreciate a “making of” the Knockout photo shoot, via Greenwood Cooper and downloadable via Queer Channels On Demand (QUOD), if you live somewhere quite a ways east of where I live. I can’t attest to the reliability of QUOD, so this isn’t me telling you lucky, lucky boys in the UK to unload some pounds with them (you probably know better than I do). I am, however, quite certain that Joe’s eye peering through the viewer of his camera is seeing exactly what I’m seeing.

The intensity and intimacy of combat is erotic. Period. Straighten it up all you want, but I just can’t bring myself to believe that the homoerotic kink is a late-comer to male combat sports. Joe’s art may shorten the distance between HBO pay per view fights and Naked Kombat, but I refuse to accept that anyone alive today suddenly invented the notion that hot, hard, sweaty men pounding, squeezing, and climbing on top of each other until one of them is flat on his back and begging for mercy is sexy. As. Hell.

Full contact, I’m on the record, is not as arousing and engaging as wrestling for my tastes. It’s not that the moment a big, blond hunk’s eyes roll into the top of his head, as the tatted bad ass cracks his shin across the side of his face, doesn’t make my blood pump in all the right places. It’s just over so quickly. I need a little time to savor it, to milk the moment (so to speak), to be moved by the suspense of pressure and leverage and endurance and domination. When one hunk can turn the lights out on the other in a split second, I have to worry that it’ll all be over and done with way, way too soon.

QUOD tells me that I live in the wrong part of the world to check out Knockout. This is just one more reason I need to move to the UK (along with Russell Tovey, the real Being Human, Ashley Ryder and Grapple 101).

Name That Tat

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I’ve been light on postings lately as I’ve been immersed in work on a couple of wrestling fiction pieces. Back to fun and games, though, I’ve decided the Sunday quiz will focus in again on tattoos. As regular readers will understand, I’m a big fan of beautiful body art on a homoerotic wrestling hunk. Today’s game features some close ups of some very distinctive tats. I’m putting up as a prize, once again, a pic of one of my own tats for the first person who can correctly identify the owner of all five tats below along with the opponents for the matches pictured. Tough stuff, I know, but I don’t just give my shit away for free! Seriously, I think someone will have a serious shot at running the board this time, with some very identifiable body art on display. I’ll post answers late tomorrow afternoon, to give you some time to study.
Now, Tat #1:
You cannot tell me that you don’t recognize this oddly disturbing shoulder tat. I’ve had more to say about only one other homoerotic wrestler in my nearly two years of blogging. Trickier may be the challenge of identifying the match from which this pic comes, though even there, I think there are abundant clues for even one with passing familiarity of this hot hunk’s body of work.
Tat #2:

I think that this tat is possibly as distinctive and unmistakable as tat #1. Unlike the owner of tat #1, though, we have the growing body of body art documented over time for this fine, fine specimen. In fact, he was the feature of my very first Bodies Over Time post. He’s been incredibly productive in the homoerotic wrestling business. So much so, in fact, the real challenge will probably be teasing out the match from which this pic was captured. You can eliminate the lengthy part of his resume that came before the tats featured here, so that should help. Just because I’m a pushover and can’t stand to hear you complain that this is always too hard, I’ll just say that this match inspired me during the Winter Olympics in Vancouver last year. ‘Nuff said.
Tat #3:
I’d like to know the artist who inked this homoerotic wrestler, because I think the work is fantastically pristine. I find it interesting that I don’t really notice his body art when this wrestler wrestles, which is in part why I put this halfway down the quiz today. This ink belongs to an extremely versatile wrestler with skills in the ring and on the mats (and in some Boston back alleys, I’d wager). Again, the match will pose the biggest challenge here, but you can pare down this wrestler’s resume to just the matches in which he’s smooth and in fighting trim. It’s also the only time that this hot wrestler makes an appearance on the same tape with the top contender for the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division. Obscure clue, I realize, but you’ve got to work for your marks in my class.
Tat #4:

This tat resides on an incredibly meaty left pec. “Honor” it says, with a heart, which should be distinctive enough for you. It’s not the only ink this tanned homoerotic wrestling side of beef owns, but it makes me obsess about licking the sweat off his pec whenever I see it. His body of work isn’t so extensive that I feel like I need to give you a ton of clues, but I’ll just say that his opponent in this indoor bout was an answer to a former “Name That Ass” quiz.  If I say more, I might as well just tell you the answer, so that’s it.

Tat #5:
This gorgeous artwork is fantastic, but I’m suspecting that it may not be entirely distinctive enough to immediately ring your bell, so I’m landing it in the place of honor as last and, potentially, most challenging for today’s game. Similar to tat #2, we’ve had an opportunity in this homoerotic wrestler’s resume to see him before and after he began collecting ink. When I first saw him (not in the match pictured), I was really buying the product primarily for a different match on the tape, but it was this homoerotic wrestler’s snarling, flexing, dominating performance that quickly became one of my favorites. His resume is quite long, but a good deal of it covers the time before the ink showed up, so I’m not feeling too, too generous when it comes to helping you out with naming his opponent. But I’ll just say that his opponent here was one of the classic jobbers, all gorgeous handsomeness and hot muscle packed into “beat-me-senseless” pink trunks. Damn, just like waving red in front of a charging bull…
So there’s your assignment. Novices in the appreciation of homoerotic wrestling should really focus on identifying the first two tats. If you don’t know them yet, you’ll want to soon. Intermediate fanatics will likely recognize tat #3, but need to put in a little extra study time to nail down the last two tats and all the opponents. Expert homoerotic wrestling aficionados will likely have no trouble recognizing any of the above wrestlers, but may find it just a stretch to sort out the opponents for each pic (particularly since the last three pics don’t show you anything of the opponents!). Good luck. You may begin…

Name That Ass

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Queer Me Now commended readers to try their skills at Name That Ass, so I’m venturing another installment of the game that, I suspect, tickles me much more than you. In any case, I always enjoy hearing from folks who are trying their hand and naming the homoerotic wrestling asses below, with scarce contextual detail other than a close up of a beautiful derrière. Extra credit for naming the opponent for each pic. As always, the asses below belong to some of my favorite wrestlers (so please note, there’s no intended double entendre with the name of the game… I’m not casting aspersions on anyone’s character by calling them an ass, but rather celebrating the glorious glutes that these lovely men have obviously worked hard to craft).
Enough of the foreplay. Now for the main thrust of the game…
Ass #1: 
I’m suspecting that this will be the easiest entry this time around, thus I’ve placed it first. In an industry clearly dominated by wrestling white boys, some gorgeous glutes like this on a black homoerotic wrestler are as beautiful as they are rare. For novices, though, let me give you some more clues. To the best of my knowledge, the hardbody hunk to whom this sexy ass belongs has wrestled in seven homoerotic products, including one ring match that propelled his opponent to capture a homoerotic wrestler of the month title from me (but that’s not the opponent he faced in this pic). He comes in two distinct packages: “big ‘n beefy” and “competition bodybuilder.” I love that he loves the sight of his own physique nearly as much as I do, and I love even more that he’s wrestled completely nude in one match and wearing only wrestling boots (which I actually think is even sexier) in another. He’s 5’11” tall, with a reported weight of 185 pounds, and if you don’t know this ass, you need to.
Ass #2:
I’m not sure if this will be particularly tough for regular Name That Ass players or not. So I’ll give a few more clues than I strictly think are necessary, just to toss a bone to the intermediate players who may get stumped. First of all, I must say that this ass belongs to a wrestler that I’m nursing a quickly growing infatuation with. He’s shown up in 6 homoerotic wrestling matches, and I’m desperate to see him in a dozen more (I’ve got opponents all picked out for him). He has the odd distinction of being a homoerotic wrestler who has yet to be seen entirely nude, and yet has been exposed sufficiently for a proctologist to give a preliminary exam. He truly delights in dominating, and he’s been using those lips of his more and more liberally in every match I’ve seen him. You can count on him slapping his pouch down across the chin of pretty much every lucky opponent he meets, but I think there have been only a couple of them lucky (lucky, lucky, lucky) enough to have had that ass planted squarely across their faces. He’s 5’8,” 170 pounds, and the member of an exclusive and most arousing homoerotic wrestling club.
Ass #3:
This may be quite a leap in difficulty parameters, but although you may not necessarily recognize these muscled glutes at first glance (or the glimpse of ball sac), this has got to be one of the most iconic and prolific homoerotic wrestlers ever. I think it’s physically impossible to count the actual number of homoerotic wrestling matches that star this star, but I’m hazarding a reasonable count of around 26. He wrestled under two names (that I know of). He wrestled in the ring. He wrestled in oil. He wrestled on a mat. He wrestled in a locker room (extra, extra credit for writing a Dr. Suess-style poem about him). He’s reported at 5’10” and 200 pounds, and his ass is, in every possible scenario, golden.
Ass #4:

Here’s where things get tough, and the truly gifted students have an opportunity to shine. Things get a little esoteric from here on out, so you’ll just have to bear with me. This wrestling ass made me sit up and take notice when I saw it the first time. The wrestler is unconventional, incredibly strong, and appropriately named. Here’s where things get possibly misleading with the clues, though I seriously don’t intend it: I’ve seen him wrestle twice, but I can only remember where I’ve seen him wrestle once. A little piece of trivia that absolutely will not help you: seeing this hunk wrestle was what inspired me of the need to start a homoerotic wrestler of the month title, though he himself never possessed that title (told you that wouldn’t help you). 5’8,” 190 pounds of gorgeous muscle, and he laughs evilly with every awesome humiliation he inflicts on his opponent. Hot. Hot. Hot.

Ass #5:
I’m torn as to whether this ass or ass #5 will be hardest (so to speak). Literally, it’s this final ass that is, without a doubt, unquestionably and indisputably, the hardest ass in the field. This is a muscle ass extraordinaire. This homoerotic wrestler makes me gasp just standing still in a speedo. This wrestler has the body of a god, such that any wrestling that fails to include abject worship of his body, and in particular his glutes, is a waste of talent; and I’m so very, very sad to say that this talent was always wasted in the five matches that I can track down with him. That does nothing to make me less desperate to worship his gorgeous, veiny, sliced to the bone physique myself, though. He’s certainly not the best wrestler. But all 6’1″, 215 pounds of him scores extremely high in my rankings of muscle studs who should never, ever, ever, ever be allowed to wear more than a thong.
I’ll post the answers tomorrow. In the mean time, good luck.

Fresh Favorite

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Along the lines of models as fighters, Xnotdead: The Fagzine has this photo series of model “Roman,” by Arno Roca. This is my first introduction to Xnotdead, and I have to say, I like it. I like the name. I like the feel. I love every smokin’ hot image of gorgeous, naked and nearly naked men featured on just about every click.

I’m not entirely sure what the scope and point of it all is, and somehow it’s still working for me. Perhaps the quirky, intuitive and nonlinear nature of Xnotdead is itself the point. There’s a distinct and explicit celebration of fetish eroticism, and that can’t be bad. Is this post-post-modern art? Or politics? Or erotics?

Whatever. I like it, and it’s instantly on my shortlist of sites. Now let’s see Roman flexing a double bicep over top of some bloodied, crushed hunk flat on his back. Or perhaps some vanquished piece of meat licking the sweat off of Roman’s brow.

I’m hoping to continue to be shocked and titillated, and if Xnotdead is really, really good, perhaps even scandalized.

Playing Hooky

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Members of the Sidelineland wrestling fiction group will have received a notice by now that I posted a new story there. For newcomers, Sidelineland is site for any original wrestling fiction that you’d like to share. I’ve posted a lot of my own diversions there. Anything that doesn’t really fit in the Producer’s Ring universe, I drop over at Sidelineland. Several other contributors have also posted materials, including a sweet, ballsy challenge from Bearhugs a while back. He started a story featuring young, dumb, hopeful Shane angling to call in a favor from an old high school buddy in order to break into the local pro wrestling scene.
Shane from “Shane’s Big Break”
I want to say again how hot I think it is to get a writing challenge like that. I’d love to see more of that, and not just challenging me. There are a ton of good writers on the Sidelineland list, and many, many more of you have mentioned planning to submit a story than actually have (consider this your Lenten discipline). Anyway, it turns out, Shane’s old “buddy” from high school, Neil, has ulterior motives in mind when he offers to give Shane his big break in the pro wrestling biz.
Neil from “Shane’s Big Break”
Neil unleashes some nasty brutality on his old buddy, working Shane into a slobbering, jelly legged mess. Worse still, Neil hoists Shane over his shoulder after the match is over and hauls the battered boy back to the locker room for more intimate punishment. That’s where Bearhugs handed it off to me. I had a blast writing part 2 a couple of months ago, in which Shane and Neil are signed to make big bucks for some first-class ticket holders who get to stand ringside, once the unwashed masses have left, and call the shots. They get to choreograph their own kinks with, understandably enough, Neil dominating with his body builder physique, getting worshipped, muscling Shane around like so much furniture, and then finally fucking his old buddy in the center of the ring. When all is said and done, Shane has a pocket full of cash and his signature on the line for at least another 3 months in the biz.
Mikey from “Shane’s Big Break – Part 3”

I really have other things I’m supposed to be working on right now, but I’m feeling some resentment about my work obligations. In other words, I’m easily distracted. As a result, I pretended to be working yesterday afternoon when I was, in fact, writing chapter 3 to Shane’s Big Break – “Home Town Hero.” With fear and trembling and a hole burning in his pocket, Shane returns to the wrestling promotion a week later. To his immense relief, promoter Joey has decided that Shane needs some redemption and a lot more legitimacy in the ring if he’s going to be able to milk a storyline for him for 3 months. As a result, Shane is matched up with the former lightweight champ, Mikey, who’s just returned from an injury hiatus. Mikey is a pro, and he’s happy to give the rookie the spotlight and the three count victory. Shane is on cloud-nine. He’s intoxicated with the turn of the crowd to rally behind a cute-if-dumb new babyface. He’s soaking in the fan-worship with hot little hardbody Mikey writhing on the ground beneath him. And then Neil shows up to keep it real.

Full credit where credit is due: Shane and Neil are Bearhugs’ intellectual property (I have no idea where he found the pics for them, so I have no idea whose property those are). I’ve introduced a couple of new characters that I’ve sketched out on my own for chapter 3, including Mikey (pictured above, pic snagged from nameless Fight Planet archives), and a heavyweight veteran who goes by Dino the Greek, which, it turns out, is actually BG East’s intellectual property, as they have a rookie by that name in a new release. I had no idea from where in my subconscious I’d pulled that name, but it turns out, it wasn’t all that deep in my subconscious at all.

Anyhoo… I’m really, really supposed to be working again now. I hope fans of the homoerotic wrestling fiction will enjoy the third chapter in Shane’s Big Break, and I hope to see more ballsy, literary smack down challenges like Bearhugs’ in the future.

Name That Tat

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Wow! There was a spike in the traffic through the blog yesterday, with almost 3,500 page views and close to 1,500 visitors. That must include a lot of new folks walking through the door, so a special welcome to those of you just tuning in. While this blog is never a numbers game, it certainly does include fun and games. So for this week’s quiz, take out your number 2 pencils and get ready for a little twist. I’m changing up our subject for today. Rather than asses, we’ll be playing, “Name That Tattoo.”

The rules are the same. On scant evidence, see how many of the following homoerotic wrestler tattoos seem familiar. For full credit, name the wrestler with the ink. For extra credit, name his opponent and the match. Advanced students ONLY should proceed to item #5 below, because I’m the first to admit that it’s a damn tough one.

First up, tat #1:

I don’t anticipate regular readers of the blog will require any additional clues, but I’ll give them to you anyway, just to make sure we all have a little taste of success early on in the quiz to keep us from starting off demoralized. Clue #1, this homoerotic wrestler does not perform under the name Gabriel. Possibly more helpful, he also has some smattering of additional tattoos around his hips and crotch that look like lipstick marks (I’d kiss that!). My final clue, because you certainly don’t need more, is that this tatted wrestling wonder possesses the record for holding the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy longer than anyone else. This is an open-book quiz, so, seriously, you have no excuse at this point.

Tat #2:

Damn, this man is a work of art. I’ve been sorely missing him from the homoerotic wrestling scene, though I get my dose of him regularly by following his many “tweets.” A musician, an educator, a former favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, and a wicked smart piece of work. I’m rating this item only slightly more challenging than tat #1, and as I mentioned, this is an open-book quiz, so no more clues for you.

Tat #3:

Fans of this petite homoerotic wrestler were a little stunned when he returned from a hiatus in front of the camera with a liberal coating of ink. His homoerotic wrestling moniker does not start with a J or a G, but he’s a gorgeous, scrappy, ferocious little pit bull who, let’s face it, tends to get his ass handed to him by the much, much (much) bigger boys in he battles in the one production company he works for. In fact, I’d say it’s a miracle that he’s managed to avoid serious, life-threatening injuries even playing with the body building mega monsters he typically faces. He must have God on his side. Now I’ve said too much.

Tat #4:

I’m not sure whether you’ll find this gorgeous ink easier or more difficult to name than the owner of tat #3. His tenure in homoerotic wrestling was tragically brief, but he accounts for a whole lot of viewing pleasure from me. He’s participated in the NOH8 campaign. The arm about to choke him out in the pic above is much more familiar to frequent readers of this blog (and also belongs to an inked hottie). That’s more than enough said. This one is supposed to be hard.

Tat #5:
So I’m serious now, this one should only be attempted by advanced students. Remedial homoerotic wrestling fans will likely only find this bewildering. This homoerotic wrestler is included in today’s quiz because, like the owner of tat #4, he accounts for many more moments of climactic pleasure of mine than his scant homoerotic wrestling resume might imply. Making this extra tough is the fact that he’s unlisted in the wrestler profiles of the company he wrestled for, despite his having appeared in 3 wrestling tapes dating around 6 or 7 years ago. That’s it. If he caught your eye as commandingly as he did mine, the bull skull inked to his hot left pec will instantly ring a bell for you. If not, you’ll have to hit the library and put in a whole lot of study time to pull this one off.
As usual, feel free to play at home, but you’re also welcome to compare notes with one another in the comments below. The first player to score all possible points (wrestlers, opponents, and matches – even the matches for the posed pics where no opponent is visible!) on this assignment (before I reveal the answers in tomorrow’s post) can claim the prize of a pic of one of my own tats, just to make things (possibly) more competitive for you. You may begin…

Got Hacked.

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Got hacked.
neverland appears to be untouched, but my email account has clearly been compromised. My apologies to folks who were in my contact list who may have received phishing emails with nefarious links. I’m migrating my email correspondence, at least temporarily, to a gmail domain.
I feel a little dirty and a lot violated. Someone touched my virtual things. He put his hands on my address book and impersonated me. Who was this shady character lurking in the shadows? Was he a socially retarded, morbidly obese slob on the order of Stieg Larsson’s Plague, wallowing in his own filth and refuse and never seeing the light of day? I prefer to picture him as a young Johnny Lee Miller from Hackers: awkward tech geek with visions of anarchy, but above all, really, really, really hot.

I’d be okay with picturing him as Garrett Hedlund from Tron: Legacy, also a studmuffin hacker boy with a six pack and big, broad pecs. Really, if I’m going to get violated and virtually fucked over, I’d much prefer to suffer at the hands of a big, hot hunk, than a pimple-ridden, value-less adolescent with delusional visions of grandeur because he can co-opt my email account to send malicious crap.

Seriously, this shit sucks and makes me a little sour on having an online presence at all. If my violator is Plague, who has to climb over his own delivery pizza boxes to make it to the toilet (if he bothers), then all of my earnest, sincere effort to explore the beauty of homoerotic wrestling and gorgeous men suddenly seems like just a little more trash littering his filthy loft. I’m suddenly struggling with an existential crisis here, my friends. What does it all amount to, if what seems like a beautiful thing to me is toilet paper to the next hacker who picks it up and wipes his butt with it?

On the other hand, if my hacker is a hot, snarky homo with a little Loki in him, nursing a bit of a heel-wannabe mischievousness just to keep us all on our toes, perhaps I shouldn’t despair. If I can replace the image of Plague rifling through my underwear drawer with the picture of a handsome, wicked smart, scrappy punk with a razor wire sense of humor and a body built by much more than roosting in front of a computer screen, maybe I shouldn’t be quite so disillusioned. If this is all some elaborate ruse to get my attention like a naughty puppy shredding my manuscript so that I’ll play with him, maybe this doesn’t merit a full on existential crisis. If he’s really just itching to arrange a face-to-face for me to kick his tight, athletic ass back and forth across the room, claw his balls until he screams, and crush his skull between my thighs as I jack his cock until he cums, then well-played. Game on.

For now, though, I’m irritated, bitter, and wondering if the lurker in the shadows will end up taking all the fun out of this for me.

Name That Ass

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I’m not at all sure how fun “Name that Ass” is for you, but I enjoy it, so here’s the second installment. The concept is simple. Based on scant evidence, can you name the homoerotic wrestlers whose gorgeous asses are featured below? Since I received complaints that the inaugural “Name that Ass” last week was too tough, I’ll provide you more clues and a sliding scale of difficulty (in my opinion), starting with the easiest.
To start with, this week’s ass #1:
You can feel free to name either or both asses here, though I have to say that I’m particularly partial to the ass in purple. This homoerotic wrestling ass is legendary, with a following of epic proportions requiring an entire internet discussion group devoted to it (well, not exclusively to the wrestler’s ass, per se, but to the wrestler). This wrestling ass appears in a stunning 32 homoerotic wrestling products including approximately 36 wrestling matches and featuring mat wrestling, ring wrestling, outdoor wrestling, tag-team wrestling, underwear wrestling, 2-on-1 wrestling, as a face (always), as a jobber, as a heel… If you still need more clues, spank yourself on your own ass for not having been sufficiently inculcated into the iconography of contemporary homoerotic wrestling, and then picture these glutes with the word “SPEEDO” stitched across them. Seriously, this is a gimme. For advanced players, name his opponent here, the match, and the sexiest body part of that hunk.
Moving on to a slightly (just barely) more difficult challenge with ass #2:
This butt also belongs in the honored iconography of homoerotic wrestling, as far as I’m concerned, despite having a much briefer tenure in the business. This muscle stud took gay porn and gay wrestling by storm around nine years ago. Tabulating his work is entirely subjective (as are all statistics), so by my count I’m crediting him with being featured in 2 homoerotic wrestling releases, appearing in 3, and wrestling for credit in 3 matches. He ducked out of gay porn as abruptly as he appeared, working under a new name and attempting to re-craft his marketability into a non-porn fitness god. Sadly, reports are he died tragically young a few years ago. Haven’t put your finger on whose ass this belongs to yet? Again, another spanking for you, and I’m assigning you check with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island for some tutoring to get you up to speed, because, as always, Joe knows exactly what I’m thinking.
Now to ass #3:
This is the most wrestling exposure I can find of this tasty ass, with the helpful assist of another hottie to wedgie the hunk’s trunks for our pleasure and the wrestler’s humiliation. I’m not going to give you too much on this one, because if this ass is not quickly apparent to you, you need to be remanded a couple grades backward for more remedial homoerotic wrestling ass education.
Ass #4:
I say this is another iconic homoerotic wrestling ass that possesses both rare, fantastic beauty as well and possibly unmatched longevity. I’m aware of this ass’s work for three different promotions, though I think the ass itself may never have been as beautifully exhibited as in the match from which this pic comes. The opponent’s ass is world class, as well, as far as I’m concerned. That’s it. This is supposed to be the tough end of the game, so no more hints from me on this one… other than that this gorgeous, hardworking boy can speak Spanish. Okay. No more.
Ass #5 is unquestionably the most challenging entry in this week’s game of Name that Ass:
As far as I know, these marble carved glutes appeared in exactly one homoerotic wrestling release, arguably featured in one or two matches, depending on how you slice it (I say it’s one match). The rarity of appearance of this ass makes this admittedly highly difficult. It will almost certainly not help you to give you the hint that this stud was 5’8″ tall and reportedly around 178 pounds at age 25 when he wrestled his one and only homoerotic wrestling release. If you haven’t already recognized him, it probably also won’t help you to know that this homoerotic wrestler had the added disadvantage (or advantage, depending on how you look at it), of not understanding anything his opponent said during their match(es). While this final challenge for you this week might seem esoteric and random to you, I’ll justify myself by saying that even though this wrestler was a one-hit wonder, he was instantly and indelibly seared into my wrestling kink consciousness as possessing a body and a ferocity that drives me wild.
You may compare notes and work on your homework together, but your final answers should be in your own words. Extra credit for naming the matches and the opponents, and extra-extra credit for correctly guessing that I think is the sexiest body part of the boy in blue featured in pic #1.

Name That Ass

wrestlebard4 Comments

I’m but a poor imitation of my betters. That said, here’s another concept I’m ripping off of another blogger, with my own particular wrestling kink twist to it: Name that Ass.

In addition to borrowing liberally from Squarehippies’ Guess this Hairy Chest, I also want to give a nod to the classic game show Name that Tune, which surely gets credit for this derivation of a derivation. I loved Name that Tune. Contestants would battle over how few musical notes it would take for them to recognize some muzak version of a popular song. I sucked at the game, but I loved it. There was always that delightful “a-ha!” moment when the full melody was played, and you could appreciate those precious few, bewildering notes in their all too familiar context. With that in mind, I’d like to zoom in on a handful of truly inspiring asses, rather out of context, and challenge you to see whether you can… name that ass.
First up…
 this pair of stunningly gorgeous glutes makes me stop and take a second look every time.
Second…
this white v black boston crab actually stars two awesome asses, but you only really see the stunner in white in this pic. For extra credit, you can name the muscle glutes in black, as well.
Third…
These lightly hairy cheeks desperately need to appear in more homoerotic wrestling action, as far as I’m concerned.

Fourth…
This ass is beautiful in the shower, on the mat, in oil, or on a pool table (okay, so that was too much of a hint…)
Fifth, and last…
…this muscle ass has made me gasp in awe many times since I discovered it.
So, have fun. Some of you who are as obsessed with homoerotic wrestling will likely find this far too easy. If this poses no challenge to any of you, perhaps I’ll give this another run and try to make it really, really tough on you… even closer close-ups, even . You’re welcome to put your answers/guesses in a comment, or just keep the tally yourself and check tomorrow for the answers.