I used to lust after Lex Luger guilt-free. Lex could probably qualify for an installment in my “What Turned Me Gay” series, but honestly, I knew that I was gay and happily nurturing my wrestling kink before Lex’s standout physique caught my eye.
Wrestling Arsenal captures Lex nicely, characterizing him as a bully. He was at his best making lesser men scream, refusing to break the hold once the bell rang, and crunching out most musculars knowing that no matter how much the crowd booed, we we were all in awe of his stunning body.
1000 Holds recently posted a great squash by Lex. As is so often the case, the commentary is undisguised body worship. 1000 Holds has helpfully highlighted the most blatant body worship dialogue with pop-ups (I love pop-ups). My favorites are “He has literally bulldozed his way through every top wrestler around,” and, “Luger is just the much larger of these two… 30 inch thighs!” Seriously, he knows the precise measurement of Luger’s thighs. These commentators are hot and bothered by body beautiful Lex, and their patter makes this squash match about much more than just a three-count pin. This is about worship at the feet of a muscle god.
At some point in the 90’s, Lex started to turn into his own plastic action figure. I’m not sure what cocktail makes the big boys lose definition and look completely plastic, but it’s a shame. Of course, it’s not as much of a shame as being arrested with intent to distribute. And of course there’s the shame of introducing your girlfriend to the recreational drugs that ultimately killed her. Then there’s the shame of desperately turning über-Christian and blaming “Satan” for your dumb ass, self-destructive, literally narcissistic choices on your way to hocking the magazine you write for (I’m really fine with religion, but I can’t tolerate the Christian-capitalist marketing machine).
I don’t mean to second guess anyone. If Lex is a happy camper, more power to him. As for me, I like to remember Lex from around 1990, when he was still serving Satan, turning me (and clearly more than a couple commentators) on, and telling the timeless story of a muscle god destroying the mere mortals in his way.
Sidelineland 