“They’ve been putting me on the mats lately,” Nathan FX muses out loud as he walks into the mat room to square off against Sunny DeLeon. “Not my forte,” he confesses. “But I’m here to play.” Fuck, NFX irritates me. He provokes me. It’s the tall boy’s need of a haircut. And his lazy cockiness. It’s the way he walks up and intentionally stands mere inches in front of Sunny so that he can stare down his nose and tauntingly point out that he’s literally head and shoulders taller. “We’ve got a fun little David and Goliath situation,” he says with a sneer. “I’ll try not to hurt you too much.” Fuck, that fratboy bully vibe instantly makes me want to see him punished hard. And his effortlessly sexy, long body poured into that breathtakingly tight white singlet… fuck, I just immediately want to see that sneer rubbed off his face with nothing but agony, fear, and a few tears left behind.

So, I’m taking the long odds at the start of Undagear 38 and putting my wishful-thinking bet on stunningly pretty Sunny. Sure, I know that Sunny’s taken some spectacularly brutal beatings in his tenure at BG East, especially in the ring. But NFX is facing him on the mats, which is, most definitely, Sunny’s forte. The blond bro seems to be aware that Sunny has Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training, but I’m not sure he realizes just how dangerous “little David” can be. I had the immense pleasure of watching Sunny work his craft on the mats at Wrestlefest Canada last summer, and holy hell, he’s fucking fierce. I literally have rechecked his stats on the BGE site several times since then, because my memory of him in-person is just a whole lot bigger and immensely more solid than his reported 5’6 height and 140 pounds. I saw Sunny honestly manhandle a muscle hunk at least 40 pounds heavier and also MMA trained. He was a fucking BOSS! So, sure, sure, maybe this is “a David vs. Goliath situation,” but… um, does NFX not know how it went down when David fought Goliath?

Sunny is cool and unimpressed. “Don’t underestimate me,” he warns Nathan. “I’ve got some skills,” he boasts in a spectacular understatement. NFX rolls his eyes and waves him forward with a smirk. “All I can do is underestimate you,” the tallboy sneers, “you’re so far below me.” Fuck, it’s on. Size and reach are indisputably in Nathan’s favor. He thinks strength is in his favor, but I honestly call that a draw, because Sunny is pound-for-pound insanely powerful. And mat skills and experience are unquestionably in Sunny’s favor. It’s a classic story, and I’m all in on NFX getting his perky, lean ass handed to him.

Nathan keeps up his contempt for the ground game, even as Sunny swarms him and snaps on submission holds at will. Sexy Sunny is playing chess while NFX is struggling with tic-tac-toe. The power-packed petite grappler traps him repeatedly, immobilizing the shaggy bro, piece by piece, and then piling on a second, third (fuck sometimes fourth) joint-compromising hold that paints NFX into one corner after another. In under two minutes, Sunny has the player struggling to breathe in bodyscissors and trying not to get his arm ripped out of the shoulder socket with a hammerlock. And still… STILL NFX manages to sound like the chapter room bully after he taps, rubbing out his aching shoulder and conceding “I’ll give you this, you know your stuff.” There’s almost this chuckle in Nathan’s voice, like he knows something that Sunny doesn’t know. Like, Sunny’s obviously superior and ice-cold dangerous skills are still laughable compared to what NFX has secreted up his sleeve.

Okay, okay, what NFX has up his sleeve/under his singlet is a fucking sensational reveal. It’s a power move that gets him back in the game. Just when Sunny is rolling over him, locking on an elbow-jeopardizing arm lock, the tall boy muscles him off the mat and slams him down hard. Quickly, NFX pins Sunny’s crotch underfoot. And then out of nowhere, the blond bro strips his own singlet off. Woah. Woah. He’s just wearing a g-string under there, and fuck, all 6’1 of him is nice to look at. Somehow, in next to nothing, NFX is suddenly uninhibited, now nasty enough and hungry enough to ride rough shod over the little guy. And damn it all, he looks good bullying! I sort of resent myself for being quite so turned on by watching him rack Sunny across his shoulders and parade him around the room. He does squats that show off that sweet ass and make his pouch shimmy hypnotically. He doesn’t need to do it, but he crushes Sunny’s balls in the rack, just because it makes him smile.

But bros are going to bro, right? The really delightful suspense in this match is all about Sunny. He manages to go from the “little David” underdog to the unstoppable BJJ badass to finding himself stripped to his own g-string, with his gorgeous bod displayed like a trophy kill stretched across the blond bro’s shoulders 6 feet in air. Holy SHIT does he suffer!!! And fuck, he’s gorgeous every second of it. In this stunning reversal of expectations, it’s little Sunny, who was the badass moments early totally bullying NFX, suddenly slapped down, scooped up, and screaming in helpless panic. Fuck, I’m kissing my long shot bet goodbye, but not entirely hating it as the tall boy stretches Sunny’s hot, squirming body out suspended completely off his feet in a gorgeous full nelson. How fucking humiliating, that the ice cold BJJ badass is getting thrashed, and damn it all if Sunny sucking on humiliation isn’t even tastier, now we know about the deep arsenal of submission holds he’s got in his quiver that are just out of his petite little reach.

Do NOT count out Sunny DeLeon, though, my friends. On behalf of all of us short kings, and determined not to let an untrained, disrespectful fratboy bully wipe the floor with him, Sunny sucks down the panicked screams, taps back into the icy cold depths of his BJJ badassness, and makes NFX regret the liberties he took when he had Sunny at his mercy. Fuck, the 16 minutes of this 25 minute match that they spend going at each other in nothing but their g-strings is intensely beautiful. Almost every inch of their gorgeous bodies is visible and glistening with sweat. The holds are mean and vicious. The taunts are raw and bitter. They’ve both made runs at proving whether it’s size and reach or skill and experience that’s the formula for success, but it’s the intense intimacy of their hot-as-fuck bodies locked together, flexing and grinding and punishing that’s suddenly the point of it all.

You get the sense that they’ve both learned a little bit more respect for one another’s assets than they started with. But there’s no love lost by the end of this runaway train, and so the climactic knock out finisher is just sweetly satisfying and sexy as hell. I still don’t think I’m likely to grow tired of wanting to see Nathan FX get thrashed and humiliated, but the total reveal of Undagear 38 is that untrained bros better take note. Sunny DeLeon may be half your size, but he just well may be twice the man you are!