Month: April 2024

Do NOT Touch the Beard!

wrestlebardLeave a comment
Tarz Lando sandwiched between Shane McCall and Scott Williams

At Wrestlefest NYC in February, I had the unexpected pleasure of meeting Tarz Lando at the Gay Wrestling History panel that I co-moderated. I’ve followed Tarz on social media for ages, technically before I even knew he was part of the wrestling community. He’s got this incredibly sexy handsome brute vibe on social media, with beefy muscles, a shaved head, and a luxuriously thick, full beard. There’s something cerebral about him that’s extra attractive to me, like he’s got the total package of muscle and brains to bring to a fight. And fuck, he’s even sexier in person! He shared some of his pics from the panel and gave me permission to post them here, so he’s also cool like that. That, in turn, sent me down the rabbit hole of checking out Tarz’ wrestling videos on WatchFighters, which led me to tucking in recently to enjoy his muscle bully beatdown of adorable Isaac Andrews.

There’s sweet dramatic tension from the start, and it hinges on Isaac’s flirtatious playfulness repeatedly running aground on Tarz’ serious-mindedness. Tarz is doing bench presses when Isaac keeps insisting on “spotting” him. “Spotting” him, in Isaac’s book, is straddling Tarz’ head and insisting on “helping” him count his warm up reps and “assist” with the bar unsolicited. It’s sort of cute, really, because Isaac is clearly just pulled into Tarz’ super sexy orbit and wants to admire the big man’s hot, hairy, huge muscles up close. Fair play. Looking at Tarz, I get that. But Tarz is attempting to have a serious workout. Isaac playfully pushes his luck too far (or, just right, really), and takes a sucker punch to the gut. Like Tarzan carrying Jane through the jungle flung over one shoulder, Tarz lugs the irritant indoors and dumps his hot ass down on some wrestling mats. “You wanted me, big boy? Well, now you got me,” the bearded beefcake growls, ripping off his shorts and getting down to business.

Tarz is a gorgeous beast. When I met him in February, I had to restrain myself from reaching out and palming his huge biceps straining the seams of his sexy tight t-shirt. The dude is just fucking solid and magnetic. So there’s something intensely ironic every time he calls Isaac “big boy.” This is WatchFighters, so I don’t have the ability to scratch all my itches, like looking up their respective stats. But, Isaac is solid and fit, with a sexy carpet of hair almost as on point as Tarz’ hairy muscles. But every time Tarz calls him “big boy,” it just keeps driving home the point that Isaac is way, way, WAY outgunned. The naughty spotter gets buried under an avalanche of muscle again and again, and it’s sexy as fuck. “Tell me, are you ever going to spot me again,” Tarz demands to know as he’s transitioning from a spine snapping Boston crab to a single-leg crab, so he can have one hand free to throttle Isaac’s balls. “Now,” the big man demands with cold command, “scream for me.” And fuck, Isaac does!

Isaac continues to be a naughty little punk, though. He literally bite’s Tarz’ finger when the big man latches fishhooks in to finish off a camel clutch. “I know you didn’t just bite me,” Tarz growls, and I swear you can see the heat rising off of his sexy shaved head. “I did just bite you,” Isaac sasses back, a little less impressive for having to mutter it through clenched teeth while trying not to get his skull ripped off his spine in that camel clutch. Isaac is flailing helplessly at one point, buttoned down in about 3 holds at once, and he reaches up to try to yank on Tarz’ sexy-as-fuck thick beard. “Do NOT touch the beard,” the big man barks so loud it makes Isaac flinch. The sexy unsolicited spotter even latches on a ball claw at one point and threatens to rip the beast’s balls off, and for a little while, Isaac has this irrepressibly proud grin on his face as he’s catching some riding time on the muscle man.

Isaac’s naughtiness just keeps adding to the long list that Tarz is keeping of reasons why the irritating punk deserves more torture. Tarz smothers the punk with his massive biceps, and I don’t believe the kid’s protests for a second (fuck, those ARMS!). Tarz yanks Isaac’s trunks halfway down to give this oppositional-defiant kid a severe swat on his lily white ass. Isaac just keeps deserving it, from start to finish, and it makes watching Tarz muscle bully him absolutely any way and every way he wants fucking satisfying. I think it’s Tarz’ leg nelson that makes me cheer hardest. I feel pretty sure that those tree trunks of his could easily snap Isaac’s arms out of their shoulder sockets if he really wanted hurt the kid.

But Tarz gives off more “stern coach” than diabolical heel. I mean, sure, I get the distinct impression Tarz is enjoying himself, planked overtop of Isaac and pounding his crotch into the punk’s face over and over again, but it’s the life lesson that’s really the point. “Now, think about what you done!”

Honestly, I’m not sure if Isaac learned his lesson, because interlaced among the screams and submissions, I’m pretty sure he was fucking enjoying being on the receiving end of this mauling. And I enjoyed watching it. I’m pretty agnostic in the whole smooth vs. hairy debate, but both of these sexy men serve up gorgeous fur and seriously attractive facial hair. And fuck, it’s a sexy, intimate, so supremely deserved beatdown!

Rookie Intensity

wrestlebard1 Comment
Iceman Bobby Carter

Motel Madness 21 features my friend, Bobby Carter, making his BG East debut, and I’m so here for it. I’ve spent hours talking BG East trivia with Bobby. I understand why I’ve been accused of having an encyclopedic knowledge of the BG East catalog, but honestly, Bobby knows it better than I do. He’s a true fanatic. So, there’s just something immensely satisfying seeing one us sliding out from behind this side of the screen and stepping in front of the camera to live the dream!

Charming bad ass Gilles Limber

Neither Bobby nor his MM21 opponent, Gilles Limber, are newbies. They’re both extensively experienced meet-up wrestlers, and they both have some sensationally hot WatchFighters content that demonstrates why they showed up on the BGE recruitment radar. I reviewed Bobby’s Wrestlefest Live match last month, and I still can’t say enough about how fucking intense and sexy that battle was. Gilles shows up on camera on WatchFighters against big leaguers like Mason Brooks, Freddy Campbell, Forrest Taylor, and Ash DeLeon (though I’m also obsessed with watching the clips of him working out and crushing watermelons!). So, it should come as no surprise that Bobby and Gilles show up in that New York hotel room sexy as fuck, with legitimate grappling skills and sensational instincts for telling a homoerotic wrestling story.

I know nothing about Luxembourg, but I feel like I need to visit, just to see if Gilles’ tastiness is typical, or if he’s something extra special. Fuck, I love his look! “Limber” isn’t just a surname, and what he can do with that gorgeous, flexible, deceptively strong body is fucking fascinating. His “charming bad ass” vibe makes me laugh a little and turns me on A LOT. There’s something almost polite about the way he compliments Bobby’s wrestling shoes and announces that he’s going to take them from Bobby once he’s beaten him. I swear it’s not just the accent (though, fuck, that’s a sexy fucking accent). It’s his innocent, little boy face, and his chill, understated cockiness that sneaks up me before I realize Gilles has got an intense mean streak. It sneaks up on Bobby, too.

Their hotel room battle is 52% competitive and 48% erotic, but the numbers are deceptive, because it’s clear that both Gilles and Bobby are stoked hotter and hotter by the hard fought competitive holds and battle for dominance. Bobby looks like an X-Men character, with his chiseled, tiny waist, and huge sculpted muscles. There’s a sense of gravitational pull about just how solid he is, irresistibly attracting Gilles’ groping hands to feel Bobby’s grade-A beef. Gilles’ m.o. is to aggressively lock Bobby in place and then have his way with stroking and possessing Bobby’s lush muscles. Honestly, Bobby’s quads are significantly bigger (and 100% rock hard muscle) than Gilles’, but it’s Gilles’ scissors that keep setting the pace in this match. He’s wringing Bobby out hard in a way that makes the muscle man’s body go rigid and the breath freeze in his lungs, and the look of knowing pride on Gilles’ innocent baby face is just so fucking sexy. He has clearly shocked, punished, and possessed plenty of opponents before now with the deceptively brutal power in his aesthetically graceful and lean legs.

My crotch twitches with a mind of its own whenever Bobby stomps on the gas pedal. You can see the frustration simmer and then boil as his politely mean opponent punishes him long and hard, until he’s had just about enough of that. Suddenly, all of those gorgeous, superhero muscles on Bobby are for more than just turning on me and Gilles. It’s raw, gorgeous power that busts Bobby out of Gilles’ clutches repeatedly, and it’s stunning every time. It’s like watching my gym crush pumping out feats of strength that I can’t take my eyes off of, but in this case, he’s pumping out feats of strength that end up with Gilles’ defenseless inside Bobby’s rear naked choke. For a few moments, Gilles looks a little more like a bitterly bullied little boy than that politely cocky badass.

There’s a decent-sized patch of wrestling mats on the hotel room floor where about 60% of the intense back and forth action plays out, but the volume on the erotic side of this battle turns way, way up when Bobby suddenly hoists the flailing little Luxembourger over one huge, boulder shoulder and tosses Gilles onto the bed. It’s not playful, mind you. It’s not like the competitive intensity dials down even a fraction. But it’s just hungrier as they scramble for domination on the bed. They lose their singlets, and fuck… those are two phenomenally beautiful asses on display. I would’ve thought that Bobby’s size and strength advantage would keep him on top of Gilles in the topography of a hotel bed, but Gilles just gets meaner and more aggressive and Bobby keeps getting his rocking bod upended again and again.

There’s this intensely sexy moment when Gilles clamps those magical thighs of his around Bobby’s head and an arm at the edge of the bed in standing scissors. Gilles’ ass framed in that jock strap makes me swoon, flexing and squeezing on Bobby’s trapped skull. And then, holy hell, he will NOT be denied when he suddenly picks Bobby up in his arms, hanging the muscle man upside down with Bobby’s head crushed. Fuck, I thought it was Bobby’s feats of strength that were pacing these reversals of fortune, but… damn! And then Gilles starts stroking on Bobby’s cock possessively, playing the muscle man like a musical instrument.

There’s a point at which I think the boys have melted into their obvious mutual lust, and it’s sexy as hell to watch them sucking face and worshiping each other’s gorgeous muscles. But the full throttle erotic wave never quite comes untethered from the competitive battle for domination. The last submission reads like the loser just no longer able to resist the relentless erotic domination. Like, they’re equally matched in hunger, but the victory here goes to the wrestler who’s able to keep his head in the game, surfing that wave of erotic pleasure, but staying on his feet to lock on that last reverse bearhug and make his opponent give it all up.

I can’t wait to see more of both of these BG East rookies, and I LOVE the beauty, power, and personality that they bring to keep spicing up the BG East roster!

Horny Bro Battle

wrestlebard2 Comments

Undagear 38 is my first glimpse at Tanner Ripley in action. Well, I’ve seen pics of the pretty boy all over the place, but this was the first time I’d seen him in motion. He’s ridiculously pretty. There’s a Hollywood badboy look about him, like TMZ should be trailing him to catch him inevitably starting a fight with Colin Farrel outside an exclusive celebrity LA bar. He’s an example of this curious phenomenon where a super hot wrestler suddenly seems to be everywhere, as if he isn’t a rookie, but a fixture. I know, Tanner has been heating things up at Muscleboy and Weekend Wrestling for more than a blink, and he’s got an extensive catalog of videos on WatchFighters. Weekend’s bio claim that Tanner is “a ten year veteran of various forms of combat, including Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, professional and submission wrestling,” but he comes across to me as a roughhousing fratboy bully. And he looks too young to be a ten year veteran of anything, but I know, we all wear age differently.

Tanner’s opponent in Undagear 38 is definitely a known quantity. Zach Ramos continues to impress and titillate me. His body is luxuriously muscled. His long, curly locks and playfully sinister van dyke give off a maverick vibe. But it’s his personality that really grabs me. I always get the impression that Zach genuinely fucking LOVES to wrestle. He’s out for fun, and by fun, I mean testing that rocking body of his in hard, sweaty, mean competition against a closely matched opponent. He sucks on his own moments of suffering pretty compellingly, but Zach in the driver’s seat is riveting. He has this breathy, nearly giddy laugh that busts out of him just at those moments when he’s grabbed the steering wheel out of his opponent’s hands and he hears the grunt of shock, pain, and frustration coming from his rival. He definitely gives the impression that he loves that moment hard.

I’m dialed into the chemistry between Zach and Tanner from the moment that they’re checking each other out before the match. I love a pair of hot, sexy, powerful wrestlers who seem to genuinely admire each other’s bodies. Zach likes the sight of Tanner’s meaty biceps, but the blond pretty boy boasts that it’s his legs that are his strong suit. He flexes them for his impressed opponent’s inspection, and fuck, yeah, they look strong. “Want to get tested by these?,” he asks in a way that could read as bro-y bravado or super sexy wrestling kink. They agree to trade scissors, and both big powerful muscle boys give us a taster of how they roll, giving and taking punishment. When it’s Zach’s turn, he does that sadistic chuckle, as he makes Tanner wriggle and writhe red-faced.

The carefully negotiated trading of holds to open Undeagear 38 up is a stark contrast to the sensational spontaneity of the rest of the battle. “Spontaneous” could be a euphemism for messy, like blown holds and lack of momentum, and sure, there are a few blown holds here, but the momentum chugs along relentlessly like a steam engine. There’s nothing clumsy about the back-and-forth battle. Both boys have legitimate arsenals. They give the impression that even they don’t exactly know what’s going to happen next from moment to moment, but there’s nothing indecisive about the relentless ebb and flow of testing offenses. They both look hungry and turned on when they’re in control, and someone is convincingly in control almost every split second, as counters and reversals keep them and us guessing.

They have beautifully matched horny bro energy. Like, when Zach muscles Tanner into a foldover pin and sits on his ass, he treats himself to some hot, indulgent strokes of Tanner’s straining hamstrings. When it’s Tanner’s turn to pitch, he muscles big Zach into an abdominal stretch and alternates between pounding a fist into the trapped hunk’s gut and tauntingly pinching Zach’s nipples. And holy fuck, the look of triumphant pride on Tanner’s baby face as wrings whimpers and grunts of helpless pain from his opponent is fucking HOT!

Tanner suffers harder and hotter than Zach, which could be testimony to Zach’s superior offense or to Tanner’s full throttle sell (probably both). You can see Zach wring buckets of sweat and tears out of blond badboy with combinations of high impact pounding and long, slow submission torture. About 2/3rds of the way through the match, Zach is parading Tanner around in a fireman’s carry, before planting him into the floor with a seriously sick slam. You can pretty much see the stars circling the prettyboy’s head, even as Zach is driving elbows into Tanner’s pride-and-joy legs and throttling the blond hunk’s crotch. Zach hooks a leg and rips apart Tanner’s thick thighs so hard you can basically hear the battered boy’s groin shredding. And Tanner screams bloody murder like a trapped animal! Holy fuck, the intensity! And then, with that blazingly hot horny bro vibe, Zach massages the blond muscle boy’s hole and balls, smiling and chuckling like a Bond villain.

Tanner sells cocky bro badboy as compellingly as he suffers, though. He executes an opportunistic escape with a violent yank on Zach’s long, curly locks and, without a break, snaps big Zach into a dragon sleeper. The look of satisfied delight on his face is just fucking adorable. He samples liberally from this tasty buffet laid out in front of him in the dragon sleeper, pounding Zach’s gut, wrenching on his neck, twisting viciously on the trapped hunk’s nipples. He hungrily strokes his palm down Zack’s torso, stretching slowly and seductively down his writhing opponent’s torso and then clawing the fuck out of Zach’s balls. Tanner’s pumped pecs glisten majestically as he tortures his captured prey, and that little boy face of his shines with undisguised glee. Finally, he’s wringing a compellingly suffering sell from Zach, whose panicked screams are muffled deep up Tanner’s pit.

A horny bro battle that careens into shattered egos and abject suffering grabs me right where homoerotic wrestling turns me on hardest. And then, when one hot, cocky muscle boy is reduced to begging for mercy… fuuuuuuuck, that’s tasty. “Please, no more,” one of these mighty muscle men cries. Crying, weeping, whimpering, bested and conquered… fuck, now that’s a fucking climax to a sensationally told homoerotic wrestling story! The crowing winner slaps the hunky loser’s ass possessively. He grabs a couple handfuls of crotch like a trophy. It’s mean and sadistic, milked long and luxuriously.

I remain a huge, huge fan of Zach. I particularly love seeing him seriously tested by an opponent with the meanness to really wring that desperate edge out of Zach’s suffering. But, yeah, that gleeful, nearly maniacal, chuckling glee of his when he’s playing an opponent like a musical instrument is gorgeous. And now I’m officially a Tanner Ripley fan. Yes, he’s as ridiculously pretty in motion as he is in still frame. He can dish it out, and he can take it in a way that feels like he’s genuinely ready to slap his big, well earned ego down on the table and legitimately see who’s got the strength, skills, and will to conquer. Sometimes, I really get off on contrasts, but Tanner and Zach are just so fucking well matched in attitude and energy, I’d really, really love to see them tag team. One way or another, I want to see more of both of these horny bros.