Listen to Sidelineland Sounds – Episode 1 by clicking on the audio player above. Transcript of Sidelineland Sounds – Episode 1:

Hey there, homoerotic wrestling fans. This is Bard. I’ve been authoring the blog Sidelineland for the past 15 years. And in honor of Sidelineland’s crystal anniversary, I’m launching this little experiment. I’m producing a limited-run podcast to supplement my typically excessive written wordiness. So, yeah, welcome to this, the maiden voyage of Sidelineland Sounds.

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

For this inaugural episode, I’m going to reflect on the relationship between video, audio, and the written word. So, I’ve run into more and more wrestling fans lately who don’t read. I mean, not that they’re illiterate. They just choose not to read the written word more than is absolutely necessary. This blows my mind a little, because, honestly, I’ve been an avid reader from the moment when I was a kid and I found my older brother’s stash of Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, and I fell in deep, deep lust with the cover art of Tarzan. Right then and there, I had to be part of the world where that drop dead gorgeous muscle hunk swinging from the trees lived. And I’ve been a voracious reader ever since. Genuinely, I read all the time for pleasure, typically science fiction, fantasy… I’ve been getting into gay wrestling erotica and gay romance lately. But, over the past couple of years, I’ve run into more and more homoerotic wrestling fans who don’t read. It typically comes up when I’m talking to someone who shares my obsession with homoerotic wrestling, and I mention something about my blog, and either they’ve heard about Sidelineland but “don’t keep up with it” because they “just don’t read much,” or they’ve never heard of it and sort of snort derisively when I mention that I blog about wrestling, as if I just confessed that I type Morse code as a hobby. And I get it, I do. Most of these guys I’m talking about are a good generation or so younger than I am. I think they belong to the same cohort who tell me YouTube is for geezers because they don’t have time to watch videos more than 30 seconds long. They’ve been fed instant gratification and salacious clickbait from the cradle onward. They’ve been raised on TikTok and podcasts. It baffles me, but they’re the sort who prefer to leave audio text messages, while at the same time, they think that voicemail is something out of the stone age.

I’m exaggerating to make a point… maybe… just a little. If you’ve ever read Sidelineland, it should come as no surprise that I exaggerate for emphasis… at times. But after writing more than 1700 blog posts over the past 15 years, it gives me a little gut check whenever I find out there’s a 20- or 30-something wrestling fan who otherwise appears to be into all the same things I am, but who’s not about to take the time to read my 1300 word post about a super hot wrestling match. I seriously feel grumpy old man vibes at times, like shaking my fist in the air and complaining about kids these days. So, I’m really committed to the idea that trying out this podcast format won’t just turn into me reading out loud my blog posts for those with an aversion to the written word. Out of 1700 blog posts on what turns me on about wrestling, if I do say so myself, there are a few flashes of clever-bordering-on-inspired writing that you should just need to put eyes to and exercise that part of your brain that processes written language. I’m not planning on quitting blogging, so I really want to pursue this podcast only as a supplement to the written word… not just to reinforce apathy for the written word.

But as I thought about what this audio format could add to my copious text on the subject of homoerotic wrestling, it occurred to me that this could be novel… and fun… and maybe even hot in an entirely different way. I mean, I know for a fact that there are quite a few followers of Sidelineland who subscribe solely for the graphics. I’ve been honored to have been given permission by most of the homoerotic wrestling producers out there to repost their photos of hot, sexy, sweaty muscle hunks grappling. I’m pretty sure they see it as marketing, and as long as I point readers where to buy the videos, producer’s have been pretty okay with me illustrating my reviews with their photos. And in turn, I’m pretty sure there are quite a few guys turned on by wrestling who just browse the pics at Sidelineland for the “masturbatory value” of the graphics, let’s just say. So on the blog, I’m using words and photos to share my reflections on the (let’s face it) masturbatory value of my favorite sexy gay wrestling videos.

So can a podcast add anything to what’s already there?  I mean, other than making it storytime with uncle Bard for the younglings who prefer to be read to, rather than read with their own eyes…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Undagear 38 starring Tanner Ripley and Zach Ramos]

Oh, wait, yeah… fuck, audio can be hot. That was an audio sample of Tanner Ripley screaming in panic in Zach Ramos’ camel clutch in BG East’s Undagear 38, released a couple of months ago. Oh, hell yes, there’s value added to audio! I’ve written a lot about how sexy the sounds of homoerotic wrestling are, but text, and pics and GIFs just don’t quite capture those elements that turn me on about the sounds of super hot wrestling.

[Audio clip – sound credit BG East’s Ultra Fight 2 starring Scott Williams and Brad Rochelle]

And fuck, cocky trash talk turns me on. I mean, I transcribe some of the choicest dialogue from my favorite matches in my written reviews, but honestly, is there any sexier sound than Scott Williams’ snarling baritone as he taunts Brad Rochelle  and refuses to let go of his headscissors? It’s one thing for me to write about just how much it turns me on, but holy fuck, listening to that sound of shocked panic in fratboy muscle stud Brad Rochelle’s voice is most definitely value added.

[Audio clip – sound credit BG East’s Ultra Fight 2 starring Scott Williams and Brad Rochelle]

Audio is also pretty essential context to homoerotic wrestling videos. The sounds of springs and cables squeaking as a cocky hunk warms up in the ring, bouncing on the balls of his feet and testing out the tension in the ropes…

[Audio clip – sound credit: BG East’s Fantasymen 18 starring Jeff Phoenix and Brad Rochelle]

…it adds texture and depth to the visual stimulation of watching.The sound of hot, hard, sweaty muscles pounding into each other as wrestlers scramble for advantage… the dull, deep thump of one wrestler’s fist punching an opponent’s washboard abs… the higher pitch percussion of an open palm chop to a stunned wrestler’s bulging pecs… there’s a fucking symphony of ambient noises happening. While the visuals are what I think of as the heart of what turns me on about wrestling, the sounds are often what makes a match feel spontaneous. The sounds are 75% of the sell for me.

And speaking of sell…

[Audio clip – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6, starring Jonny Firestorm, Brad Rochelle, and Monstah Mike]

Fuck, is there anything sexier than a cocky muscle boy who climbed into the ring cock sure that he’s pound his opponent into submission, only to be crying and begging like bitch 15 minutes later? It’s not just the text, it’s the panic in the voice. It’s the cracking sob, like this hot hard hunk just got pounded so hard he’s regressed back to that pre-adolescent moment his voice changed. The same words coming from two different wrestlers could be like night and day, scorching hot intensity or eye rolling play acting. The difference is woven into the audio, and I love that, and now that I think about it, blogging for 15 years has just scratched the surface of what’s turning me on in what I hear in a sensationally sexy wrestling match.

It’s not like this is the first audio file on Sidelineland, either. I posted a series of interviews I recorded in 2014, when I had the distinct honor of being invited by Kid Leopard to be on site at BG East during a weekend of filming matches.

[Audio clip – original audio recorded by Bard, interviewing Mason Brooks]

That’s a previously unreleased clip of an interview I did with Mason Brooks back then that, for various reasons, I never published. I’ve posted dozens of text-based interviews with wrestlers over the years that have been a blast, but those live recorded audio interviews were something else. Not to overstate it, but there’s this chemistry that sometimes does and sometimes doesn’t happen when I’m interviewing a wrestler, and I definitely do not always capture those intangibles in text, no matter how hard I try. Like, my favorite example is when I interviewed Kayden Keller on a hot summer day down there by the dock on the lake behind the BG East compound. Kayden was there in his red graphic tee, black shorts, and flip flops. And he was sitting next to me, and I literally could not stop myself from continually checking out his long, sexy legs. And finally he caught me eye fucking his quads, and with a little taunting sneer, he just flexed them. And the chuckle in his voice and me nearly choking on my drool was this hilarious, spontaneous moment that just wouldn’t not translate to text, no matter how hard I might try.

[Audio clip – original audio recorded by Bard, interviewing Kayden Keller]

So, anyway, we’ll see how this podcast idea goes. I should disclose, though I’m sure it’s not necessary to the trained ear, that I’m no audio engineer. This is just me with Garage Band a thousand wrestling clips on my computer, stitching this together out of nothing but raw enthusiasm and a growing delight in connecting in new ways with other homoerotic wrestling fans. If you feel the need to bitch about my production quality, feel free, and then send me a few thousand dollars to hire someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. But, seriously, I always get a kick out of seeing comments on the blog, and I’d be delighted to hear if this is scratching any itches at all out there among my wrestling-obsessed brothers. You can drop a text comment on the blog, or, if you’re feeling inspired, send me a brief audio file with your comments, and, who knows, it might even make its way onto a future episode.

For now, let’s call episode one of Sidelineland Sounds a wrap. Next up, for episode two, I plan to do a deep dive into the curiously controversial topic of trash talk. Until then, keep wrestling, keep watching and listening to hot wrestling, and keep letting me know what’s turning you on these days in the world of homoerotic wrestling… because, you know, I’m going to keep telling you about what’s turning me on about it!

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]